Different Circumstances
by Orionshadow
Summary: Despite all warnings, Matsumoto interrupts Zaraki in the bath house. The consequences have far reaching effects. Coarse language. Violence. Non con. Chapter 48 up. Over 18's only. Same AU as 'For the Love of a Friend'
1. The Bath house

_Tito Kubo owns Bleach and the copyright. I've just respectfully borrowed some of the characters._

Warning: This story contains graphic sex and implied non consensual sex. Over 18's only.

**The Bath House**

I was looking for Kenpachi Zaraki. I had an urgent message from my captain. I knew that Zaraki normally took a bath at this time. I went to the bath house. If the message hadn't been so urgent I would have waited, but it had been impressed on me that I had to get an answer, immediately.

Walking to the door I noticed a number of shinigami lounging around nearby. I briefly wondered what attracted them to this place. Everyone knew Zaraki did not like company when he bathed. Maybe they were waiting for him to finish. They looked at me as I walked passed. Mentally I shrugged. No one moved to stop me.

I tapped at the door, preparing what I wanted to say. Zaraki was a little scary. Tall, strong, with crazy hair and a taste for violence. I reminded myself I didn't want to get too close to him. I'd heard stories about him that I wasn't sure I should believe but I had listened greedily to the details. It was always interesting to find out information about any of the captains, especially the Captain of 11th Division.

I tapped on the door, louder, having had no response to my first tap.

'Enter,' Zaraki's voice called from within.

I entered. Zaraki was in the tub, his back to the door. He was alone, as I expected.

'Is he so confident that he doesn't worry about approaching enemies when he's bathing? I'd never bathe with my back to the door. Why was the door unlocked?' I wondered.

His hair was wet and it straggled over his shoulders. The bells had been removed. I briefly wondered if he had removed his eye patch.

'Come over here,' he ordered without turning around. 'I want to see who's stupid enough to interrupt my bath.'

I hesitated.

'Move it. Get your arse over here,' he said firmly.

'I'll wait outside until you've finished,' I said hoping my voice did not show the fear I felt.

'You've already interrupted me. Now get over here,' he commanded again.

With some reluctance, I walked over to the tub.

'Stand in front of me,' he said firmly.

I stood, head hanging, refusing to look at this angry man.

'What is so important that a lieutenant from another Division has to barge into the bath house?' Zaraki asked coolly.

'Urgent message from my captain. Arrancars have been sighted in the human world. We're trying to form a squad to go there and help Ichigo,' I replied eyes downcast. 'We were hoping that we could include some members of 11th Division. I am here to ask your permission.'

'Look at me when you address me, woman. It's rude to talk to someone without looking at them,' Zaraki snarled.

'Captain, you are in a bath. I assume you are naked. I am trying to spare us both some embarrassment,' I replied, fighting the temptation to look.

'I'm not embarrassed. You could at least look me in the eye as you address me. Or haven't you seen a naked man before?'

I blushed at the question. Of course I had seen a naked man before. But that was under different circumstances.

Biting my lip I raised my eyes and looked directly into his face, still blushing. He had removed his eye-patch. I could feel the strength of the reiatsu of this man.

'You're blushing. Mmm. Having bad thoughts are you? Go on, have a good look,' Zaraki grinned. 'Might be your only chance to see me like this.'

Of their own volition my eyes wandered from Zaraki's face, over the scars and muscles of his chest, then down further. I gasped. Zaraki's hand encircled a very large erection. My mouth went dry and I nervously licked my lips.

Zaraki laughed as he saw the expression on my face.

'I thought everyone knew not to interrupt my bath,' he said as he got out of the bath and swiftly locked the door to the bath house. 'I promised myself, if anyone interrupted me today, I'd either kill them or fuck them. It all depended on how attractive the person was. You're lucky. You appeal to me. I left the door unlocked deliberately.'

He had come closer, the strength of his reiatsu made me feel weak. Quickly he removed my zanpaku-to and threw it to the furthest corner of the room. Then he ripped the clothes from my body. He held me by the arms, looking at my body.

I struggled and bit him on the arm, but he just laughed and examined me closely. Desperately, I tried to knee him in the groin, but he anticipated that move and held me further away. I started to utter a binding spell.

'Not a good idea,' Zaraki said in a low voice. One hand encircled my throat, squeezing it slightly, until I gasped. The pressure made it impossible for me to scream for help and the strength of his reiatsu seemed to increase. I was powerless and a little scared.

'I could go back to the other idea and just kill you; or I could fuck you and then kill you. Yeah, I prefer that idea. Now, you can either cooperate or fight back. Fighting back might be amusing for me, but painful for you.'

His hand that wasn't holding me by my throat was now touching my right breast, rolling the nipple between his fingers. My body betrayed me as the nipple became erect to his touch. I closed my eyes, shamed by my reaction.

'I think you might co-operate,' he observed and released his hold on my throat so his hand could move between my legs.

I opened my mouth to try a kido spell. The hand on my breast abruptly covered my mouth.

'No. Don't scream and don't try to use kido. It annoys me. The door is locked and no one will come to help you. Didn't you notice the people outside? They're from 11th Division. They won't help you. As I said, most people know not to interrupt me when I have a bath. I think they were probably amused that you decided to interrupt me. They're probably waiting for me to throw you out.'

All the time he was talking, the hand not covering my mouth was busy, the fingers, surprisingly gentle, exploring me, touching my clitoris, entering me. I tried not to react but I shivered slightly at his touch.

'This is going to be fun. I was going to spin this out more, but you did interrupt me at an interesting point. I'm touching you. Touch me,' he ordered.

I shook my head, trying to bite his palm.

'Don't then,' he said lifting me off my feet and laying me on the ground, next to the tub. 'It doesn't matter anyway, because soon you will be touching me, intimately,' he grinned wolfishly as he tied a band of cloth, ripped from my uniform, between my lips as I struggled.

'Might help to have something to bite down on,' he said. 'I've been told that it can be hard on the woman, the first time with me.'

I was trying not to cry as Zaraki prepared himself and me. I told myself I was trying to struggle free, but nothing I did made any impression on him. With one hand he moved my legs apart as far as he could and then knelt between them. He glanced at his erection and smiled, taking it in one hand and guiding it to my entrance.

He grunted as he tried to push himself in. It hurt; it hurt more than the first time I'd had sex. I tried to scream, but the gag interfered. He tried again to penetrate me. I bit down on the gag, but the pain remained. Tears leaked out the corner of my eyes.

Zaraki looked at me and quickly stopped. 'Damn. Need to make this a bit easier.'

He raised himself on his arms and looked around. Reaching out, he grabbed some bath oil with one hand, holding me down with the other. Weakly, I tried to push him off balance but he just laughed. Flicking the lid off with his thumb, he poured oil over his erection. He placed the bottle upright close by.

'Might need that again,' he said to himself as he rubbed the oil over his penis. As I tired to squirm away, Zaraki remarked, 'It just excites me more when you squirm. I imagine what it would be like inside you when you do that. I want to make you squirm.'

Again he guided himself into my entrance and pushed. I felt pain, but the oil made it easier. Zaraki grunted with satisfaction and tried to push in further. I felt myself stretch under his assault but he didn't seem to be getting any further. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to stop, or continue.

'Didn't expect you to be so damned tight,' he said. Without withdrawing he grabbed the oil and poured it over his fingers.

Then he withdrew and gently slipped his oiled fingers inside me, soothing me, trying to stretch me further. I moaned, not sure if it was from the relief the oil was bringing my torn skin, or from fear, or something else. His fingers were working on me too well. I was angry at my reactions to his touch.

When he was satisfied that I was lubricated enough he again pushed into me. This time as he penetrated me the pain was much less. He thrust deeply.

'Still only halfway in,' he observed. 'Still that's far enough. Okay, this is where the fun begins.'

He began to thrust into me purposefully. In spite of myself I was becoming excited. His touch on my clitoris earlier had aroused me, no matter how much I denied it. The way he had prepared me with his fingers was unexpected and exciting. The feel of his erection entering me, gaining more depth with each thrust made me angry and desperate for more all at once. I didn't want him, did I?

He hardly looked at me. That angered me even more. He had craned his neck, and was watching his erection enter me. Quickly, I brought my hands up, prepared to strike him on the back of the head. He stopped moving.

'I wouldn't do that if I were you,' he said quietly, looking at me. 'I'm already fucking you. Don't tell me you're not enjoying it. I can tell. You're moaning quietly and your body is responding.' His fingers slid to my clit and touched it. I couldn't control the moan of pleasure that escaped me as I arched against him.

'I told you. Now do you want me to remove the gag? Do you want me to continue fucking you? Not that you have a choice.'

I nodded and then shook my head.

'Be honest,' he said as he removed my gag.

'I don't want this. I don't want to just fuck,' I cried.

'That's all you'll get from me. But good sex is good sex,' Zaraki said looking at me.

He again moved within me. My treacherous body responded, welcoming each move, waiting impatiently for the next. The tension built quickly. I wanted to stop, or did I want to continue? I wanted to come.

I screamed as I came. I can't remember what I screamed. Zaraki put his hand over my mouth.

When he came, which he did shortly after, he was quiet. His body shuddered and he closed his eyes.

We lay there. His weight no longer supported by his arms was beginning to crush me. I pushed him slightly and he sighed and rolled onto his side.

We lay there in silence. I was confused. I wanted to leave. I wanted to stay.

'That was good. It's been a while,' he said with satisfaction his eyes still closed. 'You can interrupt my bath anytime.'

'It won't happen. I never want to see you again.'

'Stop lying. You enjoyed it,' he said lazily.

I rolled away and tried to get to my feet.

'I didn't give you permission to leave,' Zaraki said.

I turned to see him lying on one elbow, eyes roving over my body. I noticed that he was becoming aroused again.

'I have to give my captain your reply. Will you send some of 11th Division?' I asked, remembering my duty.

'I'll reply to your captain later. I haven't finished with you yet,' he grinned ignoring my question. 'I told you it's been a while. Now you're broken in, we may as well continue.'

'What?'

'Let's try something different, this time. How about you rape me? I promise I won't struggle too much.'

'You're sick, Zaraki. You've had your fun. I'm going.' I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

'But I haven't finished my fun, yet,' he said watching me closely as I tried to put on my ripped uniform. It was no use. It was nearly shredded.

'You can't go out like that,' Zaraki taunted. 'May as well come back to me.'

I moved toward my zanpakuto, but Zaraki was there before me. He grabbed me, his fresh erection hard against me.

'You don't listen too well, do you? I haven't finished with you yet.'

'I've finished with you,' I replied tartly angry at him, angry at my body. Why couldn't it have been easy?

He looked at me closely. 'Hurt pride. Okay, maybe I forced you at first, but it ended up consensual. You know that. Hell, you were enjoying looking at me in the bath. You wanted me to touch you. I wouldn't be surprised…'

I slapped him with all my strength. He just smiled and removed my shredded uniform with one hand, shredding it further in the process.

'I've killed people for less than that,' he remarked. 'You're lucky. I'm only going to screw you again. You can fight all you like.

'Please, don't,' I said quietly. I wanted time to think.

'Oh, become polite at last,' he rubbed his chin. 'Would you prefer it if I kissed you and pretended that I care? I could do that,' Zaraki said thoughtfully.

Suiting actions to words, he kissed me casually. I kept my eyes open. His lips were soft and warm against mine. I kept my lips firmly shut and tried to pull my head away but he was holding my face between his hands. His tongue flickered against my lips. I opened my mouth to bite it, but found I preferred to take another action. I began to kiss him back.

'That was a surprise,' he murmured after breaking the kiss. 'I was sure you were going to bite me.'

'I was.'

He kissed me again. I closed my eyes and let the sensation overwhelm me. Zaraki pulled me close and pressed himself firmly against me.

Finishing the kiss he stroked my cheek. 'I could get to like this,' he said.

'Don't pretend,' I said. 'You don't care.'

'Didn't say I did,' he said before he kissed me again. 'Just said I could get to like this.'

There was a different quality to the kiss. I was trying to hold onto my anger, but it was flowing away. The kiss was sweeter than it should be between us. I told myself that I hated this man, but I wanted him.

Zaraki let me go. 'Lie down,' he ordered.

'No. I won't. I want to leave,' I said my feeling affecting my voice so that the tone was harsh.

'Don't you listen? I haven't finished with you, yet. Stop being impatient. I'll let you go, when I'm ready. Now lie down,' he said.

'The floors cold,' I protested weakly, anticipation and desire urging me to agree.

He grabbed a towel and threw it at me. 'Lie on that. Hurry up.'

'You told me not to be impatient,' I complained.

Zaraki moved closer. 'Remember who you're talking to. I am a Captain and I will be obeyed.'

'I'm not in your Division,' I reminded him, angry again at this reminder of his position.

Picking me up, he placed me on the towel, looking intently into my eyes.

'Doesn't matter,' he said. 'You will obey me. Open your legs.'

The confidence with which he issued his instructions, expecting an immediate response was infuriating. I refused to obey him. He pushed my legs apart, less gently than previously and penetrated me ignoring my protests.

This time there was little pain as he entered me. I watched as he closed his eyes.

'That feels good,' he rasped. 'Damn, I think I should have tried you before.'

He moved slowly.

Hurting at his attitude and demands and worried by my own reactions, I tried not to respond. I lay there, allowing him to enter, but refusing to react, though my body was screaming at me to enjoy it because it was good, very good.

Zaraki stopped in mid-thrust, looked at me closely and withdrew.

'What's the problem?' I asked sweetly.

'I don't like to fuck corpses. Last time you responded. Now you're acting like you're dead,' he observed looking at me considering my response.

'I told you, I've finished with you,' I began.

He cut me off with a kiss while his fingers moved down and touched me, moving from breast to between my legs. He rubbed me gently, continuing to kiss me. I struggled to move away from his insistent touch, but he wouldn't let me. In spite of myself, his touch was arousing me.

'That's better,' he said gauging my response. 'Still not enough. Now ask me to fuck you.'

'What? What the hell?'

'I said, ask me nicely to fuck you,' he applied a little more pressure with his touch and kissed me again.

Between his kisses and touches I was slowly losing my self control. My own feelings didn't help. I turned my face from his kiss, so he began to kiss my chin, my neck.

'Stop. Leave me alone,' I gasped.

'You want me to leave you alone? Do you, really?' he said amused. 'I think your body is telling me something else. You are so ready. Stop denying it. If I stop now, you'll be disappointed. Okay, I'll stop. I want to see if I'm right.'

As good as his word, Zaraki, stopped kissing me and touching me. He moved away from me, leaving me lying there. I cleared my throat, not sure if he really had stopped. I looked at him. He saw my look and grinned at me, gesturing to his erection.

'One word from you and it's yours. I don't know why you're even pretending. I'm listening to you. I want to fuck you, but this time you have to admit that you want me to fuck you. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.

'But you will know,' I said missing his touch.

'So? Come on, say it.'

I bit my lip and looked down. What should I do? I wanted him so much. The mixture of rage and lust was bewildering me, but lust won.

'Please fuck me, Zaraki,' I mumbled.

He caught my chin between his fingers and forced my head up to look him in the eyes. I was scared of what he would see. Whatever it was, he smiled and kissed me, gently.

This time as he entered me slowly, I gasped with pleasure at his touch. He was right, I was ready. I had been disappointed when he'd withdrawn earlier and again when he stopped touching me. As he continued to penetrate me deeper, I heard someone moaning loudly. I think it was me.

Zaraki was kissing me, fondling me, as he slowly moved into me. I ran my hand over his back and chest, desperate to touch him. Unconsciously, I wrapped my legs around him. Zaraki groaned.

'This is better than last time,' he said panting. 'I thought last time was good, but…' his voice trailed away as he quickened his pace.

The faster pace excited me as I was approaching my peak. One more thrust and I was screaming my pleasure aloud. Zaraki came at the same time, again shuddering in quiet release.

He kissed me as he withdrew and lay on his back, his arms behind his head.

'You know, you screamed my name both times you came,' he said in a matter of fact manner, watching me to see my reaction.

I quickly looked away.

'Funny, I've never heard of a rape victim calling out her rapists name as she came,' he continued.

I swallowed.

'Don't think I've heard of a rape victim having an orgasm, either, or kissing her rapist. I could be wrong,' he said.

My face flushed and I began to wonder what he would say next.

'You could have used kido much earlier if you wanted to escape so much. You didn't have to come into the bath house in the first place. So was it rape?' his voice was dry.

I swallowed again finding little moisture in my mouth to ease the dryness in my throat.

'Answer me, was it rape?'

I shook my head.

'That's good,' he sighed. 'I hate false accusations. Now we have another problem. I don't like people who lie to me. We've had far too many lies told in Seireitei. Don't ever lie to me again. You lied about wanting me to fuck you and I bet you know I like my baths to be private? What did you expect to happen?'

I shrugged not trusting myself to speak.

'I don't make it a practice to have sex with people who interrupt me. I usually just throw them out. I'm not a complete thug,' he said defensively.

'I know,' I replied.

'I've noticed you before. As soon as I saw you in front of me, alone in the bath house, I got hard. I wanted you to look at me, to see if you were repelled or interested. You didn't need much encouragement to look. You didn't scream when you saw my erection. I haven't had anyone look at me like that for a long time,' Zaraki said.

I finally dragged my gaze to his, trying to read his emotion. Scared of what I was about to say.

'I've wanted to get to know you better for a while, Zaraki. You're different. I was interested. It's hard to find you alone. Usually 3 or 4 people are trailing behind. I thought if I interrupted your bath you might notice me,' I explained reluctantly.

He gave a short bark of laughter. 'Oh, yeah. I noticed you all right.' He paused. 'One thing I've been wondering is why you pretended to fight back? When I touched you, your body responded so quickly. I prepared you, didn't I? I tried to make it easy. You were so hot, so tight, and so eager even though you pretended not to be. God, entering you was so hard, but it felt so good. You enjoyed it. Why did you go through the charade of not responding? Why not be honest?' Zaraki asked.

'Do you mean I should have rushed in here and asked you to screw me? Or I should have just lain down and opened my legs as soon as you touched me?' I responded. 'I said I wanted to get to know you. I didn't know what was going to happen. You kept ordering me around like I was a recruit, not a lieutenant,' I sighed. 'You didn't listen when I said I wanted to leave and I really hate people giving me orders. It makes me want to do the opposite despite how I might feel. When you were ordering me around I felt like I was a convenience to you, not a person. It made me angry. I fought back because I don't want to just give in. And then you reminded me you were a captain and expected to be obeyed. Not exactly something calculated to make me cooperate.'

'I see. If I'd asked nicely the first or the second time…..'

'I don't know. I just know I wish it was different. I enjoyed the sex. It was good,' I said.

There was a silence as we looked at each other. He ran his eyes over my body. 'I like your body,' he said. 'I like fucking you. I don't want this to be the only time.'

'What do you mean?' I asked desperate to know.

He reached out and took my hand.

'I've decided. You're mine now,' he announced.

'What?' I responded having trouble believing my ears.

'You're my woman, exclusively. No sex with other men. I'll kill them,' Zaraki stated bluntly.

'Why do you think I'll agree?' I was stunned.

'Let me see. I can remember a few sentences you said: I don't want to just fuck. I've wanted to get to know you better. I was interested,' Zaraki looked me in the eye. 'You said those words to me. I listened. I mean you were desperate enough to interrupt me in the bath. You want me.'

Again the floor drew my gaze. 'I didn't mean that,' I mumbled.

'But you do. I told you. Don't lie to me. You're a bad liar. If you keep lying I'll lose interest in you. Do you understand? No lying and complete faithfulness, until we get tired of each other. I won't fuck anyone else, you only fuck me. As I said earlier, good sex is good sex. Can't afford to miss out,' he said thoughtfully.

'Is this a good idea?' I asked stalling for time. I didn't know if I wanted to agree.

'Who cares?'

I sighed. He was right. I wanted him. Looking at him closely I said, 'Okay.'

'Don't expect romance or anything else,' he warned. 'Don't have time for that crap. It's just sex.'

'Just sex,' I agreed. Something was better than nothing.

'I can see one major problem,' I said a little shyly.

'What's that?' he said looking a little concerned.

'I can't leave the bath house. You've shredded my uniform, I can't see anything else to wear and I don't feel like going outside naked.'

Zaraki looked startled and then laughed. 'That's easy. You can wear my captain's coat. I think we can make a belt out of what's left of your uniform to tie it together. As I'm a lot bigger than you, it should cover everything, even these,' he said cupping my breasts.

'I would like to leave the bath house, now,' I said as his erection showed signs of returning.

'Yeah. Okay. A bed would be more comfortable,' he replied, distracted.

He quickly dressed in his uniform.

'Will I get into trouble for wearing a captain's coat?' I asked, concerned, as I tried to fasten it around me. The contrived belt wasn't very effective. I had already retrieved my zanpakuto.

'I don't think so. Not if you're with me.'

'It's no good, Zaraki. It's too long,' I wailed. 'It's bad enough that the belt barely holds it together.'

'I'll carry you,' he said, ignoring my requests to just send someone to get a new uniform.

As we exited the bath house, Zaraki carrying me, I noticed there seemed to be more people hanging around outside than when I had arrived. A few called greetings to Zaraki. I blushed, wishing that I was at least wearing my uniform and not being carried. I quickly checked to make sure that nothing was showing

Excited whispering followed us as Zaraki took me back to his house.

'It's closer' he argued quietly. 'I can send someone to get a spare uniform for you.'

'Everyone's whispering,' I hissed in reply. 'I wish you weren't carrying me. It makes it obvious something is going on.'

'Good. Something is going on. I told you about lying. May as well be open about it. Once this news gets around, no one will try to touch you. Means I won't have to kill anyone for trying to make a move on my woman,' Zaraki sounded smug.

When we arrived at his place Yachiru and Ikkaku were waiting outside, pretending to insult each other, but obviously waiting for Zaraki.

'Ikkaku, I want you to take a message to this woman's captain. Ask him to visit me as a matter of urgency. I understand he wants some of 11th Division to enter the human world. I want to discuss it with him, personally, along with other matters. Yachiru, get her a uniform. Guess her size and I don't want to hear any complaints,' Zaraki ordered as he took me inside, ignoring the questions being fired at him.

He put me on my feet and shut the door. My belt promptly broke and the coat slid apart. I tried to pull it closed but Zaraki quickly moved close.

'Damn,' Zaraki groaned as he reached out, pushing the coat off my shoulders. 'We don't have time,' he pulled me close; preparing to kiss me when there was a knock at the door.

I moved out of sight, fighting my frustration at the interruption as Zaraki impatiently answered the door. He returned with a new uniform.

'Thanks,' I said as I quickly put it on. I wanted to be properly dressed when my captain arrived even though I wanted Zaraki again.

I tried to tidy up using a mirror, but gave it up as a hopeless task. I didn't wish to look at the woman reflected in the mirror. I brushed my hair trying to get it under control. Zaraki's hair was still trailing down him shoulders, but he had put on his captain's coat. I idly wondered if the gossip would reach my captain before he arrived.

'I'm going to explain matters to your captain,' Zaraki said. 'It's important he knows.'

I nodded, a little worried by the outcome of this meeting and exactly what Zaraki would say.

There was a knock at the door. My captain had arrived. Zaraki and I looked at each other. Would this change everything?

* * *

Review. I like reviews.


	2. The Discussion

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach. I just borrowed the characters._

The name Zaraki remains. I cannot write him as Kenpachi.

**The Discussion**

Zaraki opened the door. My captain entered the room already talking.

"I don't know why you called me here, Zaraki. Your 3rd seat was most insistent that I visit. I told him all I needed was your verbal agreement to send a few members of 11th Division…" his mouth dropped open when he saw me standing in the room. His gaze moved from me to Zaraki and back again.

"I wondered where you were. You were sent out hours ago to get a simple response. Now I find you here. What have you done this time?" he asked me. Without waiting for a response he turned his attention to Zaraki. "I apologise for her behaviour. I will speak to her about it and make sure it is not repeated," he said quietly, while turning a scathing look in my direction.

"Captain Hitsugaya. I respectfully thank you for responding to my request," Zaraki began formally, his tone polite.

Toshiro looked at Zaraki, surprise evident in his face. "It's not like you to be so formal, Captain Zaraki," he commented and then frowned. "I heard a rumour on the way here," he said thoughtfully. "Seireitei is humming with the news. I didn't want to believe it. Idle gossip is often wrong."

"He has heard," I thought. "How difficult is he going to make this?"

"I called you here to tell you something of importance. Your lieutenant and I are, um," Zaraki said lost for words. He frowned slightly.

"What? Getting married?" Toshiro said disbelievingly.

"No," Zaraki and I said together forcefully.

"In love?" Toshiro asked, with more disbelief in his voice.

"No," we again replied. What was my captain thinking?

"Moving in together?" Toshiro asked. His eyebrows were almost disappearing into his hairline.

"Not yet," Zaraki replied. I shot a look in his direction. He seemed pretty confident. It irritated me that he liked to make decisions without asking my opinion.

"Do you even like each other?" Toshiro asked curiously.

"That's not important," said Zaraki. "Why all this talk about feelings?"

"Could you just tell me, or will I keep guessing?" Toshiro said impatiently.

"We're having sex," Zaraki said bluntly. Finally the words had been said.

"Okay. And my interest in this matter is?" Toshiro asked with a sigh.

"I want the lieutenant transferred to my Division," Zaraki demanded.

"No," I said. Zaraki hadn't asked me. I didn't agree. Typical behaviour of the man.

They both ignored me, looking at each other intently.

"Now let me understand this," Toshiro said shaking his head. "You two are screwing."

"Yes," said Zaraki, patiently.

"But Matsumoto…" Toshiro began.

"We have agreed to be exclusive," I broke in. I didn't want him to say anything that would require more explanations.

Toshiro's face went blank. I think he was trying to stop from smirking. "Why do you want her to move to 11th Division? To keep an eye on her?" Toshiro asked Zaraki.

"No," said Zaraki with less conviction than I could have wished.

"You already have a lieutenant and a very competent 3rd and 5th seat, if my sources are to be believed," Toshiro said reasonably. "Matsumoto is my lieutenant. Are you proposing to replace your lieutenant with her?

Zaraki looked stunned. "No."

"So, a move to your Division would ultimately mean a demotion for Matsumoto," Toshiro said clearly. "I'm sorry, but I require her services as my lieutenant. She will not move to 11th Division unless I am given that direction by the Captain-General. I do not believe that he will consider your relationship a compelling reason for the transfer. You can continue your, er, liaison. I won't interfere with that as long as it doesn't interfere with my Division, or Matsumoto's duties. There may be the question about divided loyalties but we both are working on the same side." He smiled at Zaraki in a triumphant manner.

Zaraki seemed a little taken aback. "I heard you were clever. I underestimated you," Zaraki said.

"Thank you for what I believe is a compliment. Now, about sending members of 11th Division to the human world? You'll remember this was discussed at the Captain's meeting?" Toshiro asked impatiently. He seemed determined to get his own way in this.

"Choose who ever you want, I won't argue," Zaraki replied wearily.

"Fine. I think our business is complete. Lieutenant, come with me. We have work to do," Toshiro said, expecting my instant obedience, as always.

"But," Zaraki interjected. He was frowning again.

"I'll let her return once her duties are finished" Toshiro explained plainly. "She has been missing from duty for some hours. I'm sure there are tasks you need to attend to also Zaraki, as Ikkaku and Yumichika are the two shinigami from your division I require on this mission. Please accompany me Lieutenant Rangiku. We have much to discuss." Toshiro turned and left the room. I began to follow him.

As I passed Zaraki, he grabbed me by the arm. "Hurry back. Spend the night," he said urgently. I nodded and he released me.

I quickly caught up with Toshiro who was walking back to our Division by the most direct route. He stopped as he heard my footsteps, turned, and glared at me. "What the hell did you think you were doing?" he asked quietly, anger in his voice.

I blushed. "I was trying to get an answer. You told me it was urgent," I replied.

"You interrupted Zaraki's bath? Everyone knows that is one of the most stupid things you can do. You knew, didn't you? I told you." Toshiro asked his voice getting louder. His forehead creased into a frown while his eyes searched my face, looking for denial.

I nodded. What was the point of denying something Toshiro had told me? He had told me. He wasn't the only person who told me.

Toshiro sighed in disgust. "We'll talk about this when we are in my office. Move it Lieutenant." He walked off, fast. I ran to keep up. On the way to the office we passed two shinigami talking. They looked at me, smirked and started whispering to each other.

"You'll have to expect that," Toshiro told me quietly. "Discretion would have been a better choice." I didn't bother replying.

After we entered the office Toshiro locked the door.

"Why are you locking the door?" I asked, nervously. Memories of another captain locking the door earlier diverted me.

"I wonder if Zaraki is thinking about me," I speculated.

"I want to ensure we are not interrupted and you won't leave," Toshiro explained moving to his chair. He sat down. As I moved to take a seat he spoke again.

"I would prefer you to stand for this discussion, Lieutenant," he demanded, ice in his tone.

I stood upright, straightening my spine. Placing my hands behind my back I waited dreading the words that I knew were coming.

"Are you completely out of your mind? You have done some stupid things in the past, but this is beyond stupid. Zaraki is a violent thug," he began.

"He's not a thug," I said without thinking.

Toshiro looked at me, his eyes wide. "You're defending him? Do you even like him?"

"That has nothing to do with it. I don't think Zaraki is a thug. Violent, certainly. But he has managed to gain his men's total loyalty. People compete to join 11th Division because of him. I don't think a thug would receive such admiration," I said. Where had those words come from? Why was I defending the man?

Toshiro sat back in his chair, one hand resting on his knee, the other tapping the desk. "Loyalty. Admiration. Interesting and revealing choice of words, Lieutenant," he paused as I glared at him. "You used the message as an excuse to interrupt his bath, didn't you."

I suddenly became interested in the view out the window. The sun was setting. Red, pink and orange streaked the skyline as the sun lowered itself below the horizon. I didn't often watch the sun set. Too busy doing other things.

"I asked you a question, Lieutenant. As your Captain I demand an answer."

I stiffened as he uttered those words. I hated it when he did that. I hated it when anyone reminded me of their superior status. Toshiro did it deliberately to get a reaction when he was frustrated with me. "Yes, I did it deliberately. Are you happy with that answer?" I replied haughtily.

He shook his head. "I can't believe this. He could have killed you at worst. At best he could have thrown you out. That would have shamed your Division. I'm not sure what has happened hasn't shamed us more." There was silence as I thought about how I may have shamed my Division. I had trouble seeing how having sex with Zaraki could cause disgrace.

"Another problem is you've said you will be faithful. What about your playmates. Won't they be disappointed? I mean you don't have a reputation for keeping your legs together," he crudely observed. That comment was meant to hurt. I tired to ignore my emotional reaction. Toshiro was deliberately goading me. There had to be a reason.

"They're only friends and I don't have sex with any of them," I replied calmly.

"You're not telling me you were a virgin?" Toshiro asked, amazed.

"Don't be stupid. Of course I wasn't a virgin. Oh, sorry Captain Hitsugaya. I didn't mean to say that."

"So Hisagi and the others…"

"Are just friends. We pretend because it's easier if people think we're screwing. That way we can support each other and hide our true romantic interests. People don't pursue you if they think there's too much competition. Only idiots would challenge my friends and me. I've only been with three men, aside from Zaraki and one was a mistake," I explained. I resented the explanation. The expression on Toshiro's face almost made me laugh. His mouth was opening and closing rapidly as he struggled with himself. I knew he wanted to ask who the three men were.

"Gin Ichimaru must have been one," he said eventually.

I lowered my eyes to hide my reaction. It would not have been hard to guess Gin, but the mention of his name still hurt. Every time I thought of him, my spirits dropped and my pulse slowed. Gin, the person I thought at one time was the single constant in my life was now elsewhere. His smile, his scent were now a memory that I wanted to forget, but clung to at the same time. Loving Gin had been a mistake, but one I had been willing to make; would make again even though I knew the outcome. "Please don't try to guess, Captain. It's my private business. I thought we had other matters to discuss," I said trying to deflect any further questions.

"I do have another question about your private business, Lieutenant. Why Zaraki? Why that old man? What the hell do you see in him? Or is there something else? Are you going to try and screw all the captains? Should I be worrying about the time when you try to screw me?"

I was shocked. That comment really hurt. What was going on? I looked at Toshiro's face and finally realised something I should have guessed earlier. I walked around the table and hugged my captain. "I'm sorry, Toshiro. I care about you. I will always be loyal to you. I know it is a shock. Today has been a day when we both have received a number of surprises, but my relationship with Zaraki is no threat to my loyalty to you and 10th Division, or to our friendship. I do not wish to move to 11th Division, nor do I wish to resign my position as your lieutenant. We have worked together so closely, shared so much. I will defend you; support you, even if it means I have to fight Zaraki. I thought I proved that when I protected Assistant Captain Hinamori against Captain Ichimaru on your behalf."

Toshiro looked up at me, returned my hug for a few minutes and then gently pushed me away. "Better not let Zaraki know you hugged me," he said half joking. "I don't want to end up dead. I rely on you Matsumoto. You're like my older sister. I'm just having trouble adjusting to this change. I never felt that you took anyone, except Captain Ichimaru, seriously and now you're with Captain Zaraki. You've heard the rumours about him, I know you have and I don't want you hurt."

I swallowed trying to hold back the words I wanted to say. "I don't think all the rumours are true," I said eventually.

"But why him?" Toshiro persisted. "You could have your pick of any number of people."

"I find him interesting," I said slowly. "I found myself watching him. He seems so different. I don't want to explain it as I don't understand it myself."

"You're not going to have much time to explore your understanding. We are both going to the human world with Rukia, Renji, Ikkaku and Yumichika. You originally said you were interested and I don't see that this new development would change your interest. We depart tomorrow," Toshiro told me. He watched me closely to try to see my reaction. He didn't have long to wait.

"Tomorrow? But that means.." I broke off. One night with Zaraki and I was here talking.

"I think it's a very good idea. It will give you time to think about this. A little time apart is healthy in a relationship," Toshiro explained. He seemed very sure of the matter.

"It's not a relationship. It's sex. Good sex. Sorry, Captain. Can I go now?" I asked frantic to spend some time with Zaraki.

"I had hoped for some help with the paperwork," Toshiro grumbled. "We still have other issues to finalise."

I looked at the door, agitated. "Only tonight," I thought.

"Obviously you are too distracted to be of much help. Go on. Go to your demon lover. I expect you back here early. Try to get some sleep. You'll need to be alert," Toshiro said indulgently. He unlocked the door.

"Thanks Captain. I'll be back early." I quickly went back to my quarters, washed then changed into a fresh uniform. The other one didn't fit too well. Despairing slightly, I tried to improve my appearance. After a very brief time, I gave up. There was somewhere else I wanted to be. I almost ran to Zaraki's house all the while questioning my actions. I was desperate to be with him again. I had defended him and I wasn't sure if I even liked him. It must be lust.

As I got closer I slowed to a more sedate pace. I didn't want it to appear I had hurried to be there. Drawing closer I noticed that the door was ajar and I could hear voices within.

"I told you, it's none of your business. I understand that you visited me to tell me your opinion, but I don't see why I should pay any notice. If you want to challenge me about it I'll fight you later, not tonight," Zaraki said forcefully.

"Why should I fight you? You betray your dignity as a Captain. You're making a mistake, Captain Zaraki. Why couldn't you choose someone less noticeable? You could have, at least, been more circumspect when you make your choice. I realise that you, as a commoner, are not aware of the social niceties but Captains' should maintain discretion about their sexual dealings" Captain Kuchiki said calmly.

I knocked at the door, eager to interrupt their conversation. I didn't want to overhear any more.

"Enter," ordered Zaraki.

I pushed the door fully open and walked into the room. Zaraki obviously had not had much time to himself. He was frowning at Captain Kuchiki and his hair was still hanging over his shoulders. I liked it better that way.

"I'll bid you farewell, Captain. We'll talk of this later," Captain Kuchiki said. He left the room without looking in my direction.

"Arrogant bastard," muttered Zaraki as he came toward me. His next action was a surprise. I expected him to immediately remove my clothes, but instead he wrapped me in his arms, pulled me close and rested his chin on top of my head.

"He wasn't the only visitor who's tried to tell me I'm making a mistake. At least your captain was sensible," he said as he held me. I could hear his voice rumble through his body as he spoke.

"So, where are the bodies?" I asked thinking that anyone who questioned him was an idiot while enjoying his closeness.

Zaraki laughed. "I was in a good mood. I didn't kill anyone. I was waiting for you to come back. What took so long?"

"I came back as fast as I could," I said relaxing into his embrace.

Zaraki bent down and kissed me gently. This guy was constantly surprising me. Hugging and kissing? I was here for the sex. Impatiently I placed my hand on his penis, already erect, and rubbed it. Zaraki pulled away and looked at me, but not before I noticed his response.

"I thought you'd like me to pretend I care," he said.

"Zaraki, I don't have time. I'm going to the human world tomorrow," I explained. I thought it would be best to tell his soon, so he could understand. I wanted him to know.

A frown creased his face. "Why?" he asked.

"It's not important and it's not really my choice. I'm going. I want to make the most of the time I have left," I said urgently.

"I see. And that means?"

"Stop tormenting me Zaraki. Where's your bedroom?" Why was he being so dense?

He picked me up and carried me through the door into the next room which contained a very large western style bed. "Want to sleep?" he asked still holding me in his arms.

I felt like hitting him as I started to undo my uniform. "Why are you being so slow, Zaraki? Maybe I will want to sleep later, but now I want to have sex, with you. Do I need to spell it our further? You; me; sex; now. Or don't I attract you anymore?"

Zaraki placed me on the bed. "You attract me. That hasn't changed. I just wondered if you'd changed your mind. I'm sure your captain tried to convince you I'm a bad idea," he said as he quickly removed his captain's coat.

I finished removing my clothes, and then I watched him undress. I had seen him naked, but it was interesting to watch the movement of his muscles as he stripped. He undressed hurriedly, throwing his clothes anywhere. He came and sat on the side of the bed looking at me, but not making any move toward me.

I reached out to touch his erection, but he grasped my hand in his before I could touch him. Almost screaming with frustration I commented, "I didn't know you were into playing games. What is going on? Two hours ago you were hardly able to keep your hands off me and now you won't let me touch you. What do I have to say?"

"Look at me," Zaraki commanded.

Startled, I looked into his eyes.

"Do you like me?" he asked.

"I don't know," I replied, my eyes dropping from his.

"I said look at me. Hell, why is it so difficult? Your captain asked us if we liked each other. I'm curious."

I raised my eyes to his. "I don't trust the emotions love and like. They only lead to disappointment. Why is it important?"

"It isn't. I'm just curious."

I groaned. I wanted sex now, not a discussion. I'd had a discussion already. "Zaraki, I clearly remember you said it was just sex. That's why I'm here; for the sex. I don't hate you. I don't despise you. I really like your body and the way it can make me feel. Whether I like you or not is unimportant. I want you."

Emotions betray you. Passion is cleaner. It eventually gets sated and wanes. Life returns to normal. Emotions strangle you and take away your freedom, limit your behaviour and always bring pain. But I did feel something for him. Maybe it was just intense lust. I would not admit anything more than that and never to him. He had made it clear that sex was the limit of our relationship. At least I was going to the human world tomorrow. Maybe all the worrying feelings I was experiencing would go away while I was there.

Zaraki kissed me, gently slipping his tongue into my mouth. His tongue caressed mine and caused ripples of sensation to run through my body. Parts of my mouth ached to feel the touch of his tongue as he continued kissing me. I responded, enjoying the feel of his lips on mine. The kiss became more passionate. I felt myself becoming more aroused.

Zaraki's fingers were teasingly caressing my neck as we kissed. My hand automatically reached for his erection. As I touched him, he broke the kiss with a groan. "First you wouldn't touch it, now you can't keep your hands off it. As I remember it, we have unfinished business," he reached into his bedside table and removed a small bottle of oil.

I looked at him, questioningly. Why was that there? He seemed pretty prepared for a man who said it was a long time since he'd had sex. Why would we need it? We'd already had sex twice.

Noticing my look Zaraki explained, "The oil will make it easier. You don't think you're going to sleep much, do you? Constant friction can cause pain. I want to make sure you can keep up with me." He undid the lid and applied the oil to his erection.

I watched as he stroked the oil onto himself, anticipating his next action. I wished he had let me apply the oil. Placing the oil on top of the bedside table, Zaraki turned to me. His oiled hand slid between my parted legs and touched me. I moaned and moved against his fingers.

"You're so eager. I can feel how much you want me," he observed huskily.

Without any further foreplay he positioned himself above me and teasingly slowly, penetrated me. I tried to speed up his penetration by locking my legs around him, but I couldn't match his strength. He continued his slow entry looking into my eyes the whole time. Once he had achieved full penetration he continued to watch me, not moving not saying anything. I bucked underneath him trying to get some movement going.

"Stay still. I just want to feel you around me. I won't be able to do this when you're gone. I want to remember how you feel," he said.

"Sounds a bit suspect to me, Zaraki," I said, urgency making me croak. "Can't you do this later? Can't we just get to the good part?"

"All sex is the good part. Can't you feel how hard I am for you?" Zaraki said beginning to withdraw slowly and then pushing back in slowly.

I shut my eyes. I could feel his hardness entering me strongly. Slow or not, the feeling was indescribable. Better than the first two times. I craved this sort of feeling and I wanted him to continue. I pulled his head down to kiss him. His tongue mimicked the slow entry and withdrawal of his penis. It was like he was having me twice. I wanted to moan and pulled my mouth from his, but my moan turned to a shriek as he increased the pace. I arched my body against him, feeling his urgency increase as my need grew stronger.

Then he slowed again, going back to the slow penetration and withdrawal. I opened my eyes and stared at him. Zaraki grinned back at me.

"Don't want you to get too overexcited," he said.

"I already am," I panted. My heart was racing and I was losing all control. I wanted to feel that frenzied passion, which had built within me, explode.

"We've got the whole night. I want to take my time. I want you to remember this while you are in the human world," Zaraki said, pushing into me again.

"We might have the whole night, but I'm only interested in what's happening now," I said and then I wriggled I remembered his comments that he wanted to be inside me when I wriggled to see how it felt. I hoped it would bring the response I desired.

He gasped as I writhed underneath him. Involuntarily he increased his pace pushing into me forcefully. The gentle penetration was replaced with urgency.

I continued to writhe under him, without conscious effort, driven by sheer desire, until I could think of nothing but his movements and the way they made me feel. It felt unlike anytime before. Each move brought a moan from me, each thrust a shudder. I craved the feeling of him completely sheathed within me, while at the same time needing the rhythmic movement that drove me closer to completion. My breath became short. I felt my muscles tighten as my need focused to just the movements of our bodies.

Zaraki quickened his pace further, driving into me. His breathing, his movements matched mine in their intensity and focus. I glanced at his face to find his eyes focused on me. The intensity of his gaze was feral and consuming. It made me fearful and excited at the same time. I felt my body flood with heat.

As I came this time, he did not cover my mouth with his hand. He kissed me, driving his tongue in. I almost bit it as the pleasure overwhelmed me. I cannot recall his orgasm as I was overcome by my own. When I became aware of my surroundings again I looked up to see Zaraki observing me with an ironic look.

"I have never had anyone who enjoys sex so much," he observed as he reluctantly withdrew. "I'm surprised anyone who has had sex with you has finished with you. I want to fight them, kill them all, so they will be distant memories that can't touch you again."

He gathered me into his arms. I had expected him to sleep or ignore me until he was aroused again. I lay with my head pillowed on his chest and his arms holding me close. I felt his chest rise and fall with his breath. It was strangely soothing. I smoothed my cheek against his flesh as his scent imprinted itself upon my memory.

I thought on what he had said. It sounded a little like jealousy, maybe, or maybe it was just his violent nature asserting itself. "There's no point in killing anyone. They're in the past. Anyway, this is just sex until we get tired of each other," I said objectively.

"Yes, sex," said Zaraki.

There was silence. I don't know what Zaraki was thinking about. I thought about how much sleep I might get that night and what would happen the next day. Then I thought about mounting him and impaling myself on him, having him again. I was losing control of my thoughts. They kept straying to sex and Zaraki.

I assured myself that lust acted this way. I wanted him now, but that would wear off as time passed. The more we coupled, the more we had sex, the more I would become used to the moves. The lust would pass; it had to pass.

I slept.

A hot mouth encircled my nipple, sucking on it gently, but almost impatiently. I kept my eyes closed. I was probably still dreaming. The mouth stopped sucking and I felt a tongue licking my breast, lapping at it in long languorous strokes, occasionally grazing the hardened nipple which caused a wave of sensual pleasure to flood me. I liked this dream. The mouth returned and started sucking again, softly at first, then with increasing pressure. I felt calloused fingers beginning to handle my other breast, touching the nipple, teasing it and then rubbing the fully erect nipple between the exploring fingers. The feeling was so erotic I wanted it to continue. If I opened my eyes would my dream cease? The mouth moved to the other breast, giving it the same treatment. Sucking, licking, nibbling while the deserted breast received the attention of fingers that seemed to know just how to touch me.

Of course I was awake. The lust that had been lying dormant during my sleep was quickly aroused. I felt the tongue, the softness of the lips moving over my breast. Briefly I wondered how long I had slept. Then I felt hands push my breasts together and the mouth alternated between sucking my nipples and then licking my breasts. I felt heat between my legs as my arousal became more pronounced. I knew Zaraki had said all sex was the good part, but some parts made you want to do more. I wanted more.

"I'm awake," I said, my voice husky.

I did not get an answer except Zaraki's mouth clamped firmly around one nipple, licking and sucking at the same time. I whimpered overcome by lust and pleasure. I tried to move my hands to his chest, but he was out of reach. Zaraki continued to tongue my nipple until I thought I was either going to beg him to fuck me again, or I would just have to take matters into my own hands. I grabbed his hair and pulled him from my breast. I didn't apply much strength but Zaraki reluctantly released my nipple. The break in contact made a sucking sound which for some reason made me hotter.

"I thought you were enjoying that," Zaraki commented. "I was. First time I managed to actually get my mouth on your breasts. Why did you stop me?"

Instead of replying I kissed him allowing my tongue to explore his mouth hungrily. He responded passionately. Until now he had decided the direction of the sex. This time I wanted to indulge some of my fantasies. "I wanted to kiss you," I explained when I drew my mouth from his.

He moved his head back to my breasts. "You fell asleep. I didn't say you could and now there's a price to pay. I want to continue tasting you," he said before licking the valley between my breasts. "I want to taste you, know you; find out the ways to drive you feral. I want you writhing under me unable to control yourself."

His head moved from my breasts to my stomach. He flicked his tongue under my breasts and then plunged it into my navel. I quivered at the unexpected intrusion. I realised he had taken control again. For the moment I decided I would let him. I wanted to see what he would do next. Besides I was so aroused now that if he touched me between my legs I would probably orgasm immediately. I considered moving my own hand there. For minutes he continued to lick my stomach, slowly, very slowly moving lower.

Zaraki's head descended still further. He parted my legs and I expected that the foreplay was over and the sex would commence. Instead his fingers opened me to him and he licked me slowly, one long slow lick; grazing my clitoris, licking my entrance. I convulsed under him. I had not come, yet, but the touch of his tongue was so unexpected but so good.

"I told you I wanted to taste you," he commented. "I can taste you and I can taste me. I like it."

He licked me again, quicker this time, his tongue darting into my entrance. I almost shrieked at the sensation. I wanted him to do it again. Actually, I wanted him inside me.

"Please Zaraki," I said and then screamed as he licked me again.

"Please what?" he asked. "Do you want me to stop? Because I won't. I told you, I want you out of control."

"I am out of control," I whispered.

"No, you're still making sense," he retorted and licked me again, quickly.

I could feel my juices flooding out of me. I was so close, but he was teasing me now. "The man is a control freak, or is it an out of control freak?" I thought fuzzily. I wasn't making much sense by this time.

I grabbed his head and held it trying to force him to lick me more, or something, anything. He was too strong and kept his distance determined only to give me what he wanted and no more. He slid his tongue into me again briefly. I shuddered, he was torturing me. I liked it, but I wanted him to finish what he had started.

By now I was whimpering uncontrollably. I released his head and tried to touch myself, but he wouldn't allow it. He flicked his tongue at my clit again. Just a little touch, but not enough.

"I think you're there," he said.

I could only moan in reply. Talking wasn't possible.

He moved up my body, kissing it, lingering on my breasts until his face was above mine. He kissed me hard, thrusting his tongue between my lips at the same time as he plunged his erection into my all too willing body.

I came explosively. I think I moaned, I may have screamed, I don't remember. I remember that it seemed to go on for minutes as I writhed under Zaraki's continuing thrusts.

When I finally regained my senses, I noticed Zaraki was still taking his pleasure. Lying underneath him feeling his body enter mine I tired to neutrally rationalise how I felt. I was fooling myself. It was not the time to be rational. I was caught up in the fetters of lust and passion. Logic and lust don't mix.

With a final thrust, Zaraki came. I could feel his body tighten and noticed him shudder again. He collapsed on top of me. He really was too heavy to make a good blanket.

"Zaraki, you're crushing me," I said with the little breath I could muster.

"Huh? Oh," he grunted and reluctantly moved onto the bed.

I lay there feeling sated. It was rare that I had sex four times in a day. It did happen early in relationships, I'd heard. Still I was impressed by Zaraki's stamina and control. Some of the things he did made me wonder about his previous sexual partners and why they no longer had sex with him. I wouldn't ask. That was the type of question I might ask if I was in a relationship.

I turned on my side to look at Zaraki. He was lying on his back; eyes closed a slight smile on his mouth. He looked comfortable and I thought he was asleep. I let my gaze roam over his body, lingering on his chest and stomach. My captain had called him an old man. He didn't seem old to me.

This mission to the human world was not welcome. I wanted to get Zaraki out of my system quickly. One night would not be enough. Maybe a week would not be long enough. But to go after one night was a nuisance. I hoped he wouldn't replace me with another partner while I was gone.

Tentatively I placed my hand on his chest, touching his skin, feeling the heat from his body. I wanted to stroke his skin, touch him the way he touched me, but I did not want to wake him.

"Don't stop," he said, his eyes still closed. "You can touch me. The more you touch me the less likely you will look at someone else while you're away. I want to imprint myself upon you."

"I thought you were asleep," I said quietly.

"Not asleep, just resting. I know you how taste, how you smell and how you feel when I'm inside you. You're even better when you totally lose control. I want you like that each time," he observed.

I felt my face redden. The lack of control embarrassed me. I hadn't made him lose control once. I was going to try harder.

My hand was trailing over his chest, just touching him gently. I felt strangely at peace, while at the same time questioning my sanity.

In the early morning I woke. I was lying with my head on Zaraki's chest. Not the most comfortable position. My neck and spine hurt. I tried to move and noted that Zaraki was holding me in that position. I had to get up. I didn't have much time and I hadn't had much sleep.

We'd had sex twice more before Zaraki finally let me sleep. I was drained. Once more he'd driven me to lose control. I was sore from sex, had a sore neck and back in addition to the lack of sleep. But I was strangely happy. I didn't know if I was capable of facing the human world, but knew I had to.

I pushed Zaraki's arm aside and quietly arose from the bed.

"Are you leaving so soon?" Zaraki asked.

I reminded myself that as a trained fighter, Zaraki would come awake at the slightest movement or noise, but still it surprised me. I thought he had been slumbering deeply. "Yes. I better go now. I've got to find out the plan and get ready," I said hesitating.

Swiftly Zaraki arose and pulled me close. "Can I interest you in sex before you go?" Zaraki asked.

"I don't have time," I answered reluctantly, wishing to feel him inside me before I left.

"Remember. We have an agreement. Don't die, and don't fuck any one else. Come back soon. I'll be waiting," he directed me.

"Unless you change your mind," I said quietly. I voiced my fear, hoping he would deny the possibility.

"Don't be stupid. I'm known for not changing my mind. Too bloody stubborn," he said, obviously aware of the gossip. "You're mine until I'm bored. One night of sex isn't enough for boredom to set in."

I kissed him once, dressed and left. There wasn't much time and I had a lot to do.

Please review.


	3. The Reunion: Part One

_Tite Kubo wrote the manga Bleach. I just borrowed the characters._

Warning: Spoiler alert for anyone watching the anime.

**The Reunion: Part One**

Being in the human world was fun; sort of. I liked spending time with Orihime and the others. Toshiro was aloof, but I did not try to push him as he seemed distracted and wouldn't talk about what was worrying him. I knew he had not been pleased to be sent to the human world. He hated being forced to attend school and also seemed to be having difficulty in accepting my connection with Zaraki. He didn't say anything, but I sometimes caught him watching me with a frown on his face. I tried to behave as normal.

The time in the human world did not help me to sort out my feelings for Zaraki. I tried not to think of him. Thinking of him caused an almost physical pang of longing accompanied by other, more disturbing, feelings. Every time I thought of him I tried to do something that would distract me from my thoughts. Eating, shopping, trying new makeup. These things diverted me, but not for long.

I had asked for leave to return to Seireitei with Rukia and Orihime, but my captain refused.

"I need you here, focused on the work we have to do. If you go back, you might lose your edge. You must realise it's for the best Matsumoto. These Arrancar are something we know little about."

I was resentful of his decision, but I understood. Fighting the Arrancar had shaken me. I did not expect that type of might. Nor had I expected to nearly die while waiting for the release of our power. I was grateful we survived. The second time I faced them was worse. My confidence was shaken in my abilities. My captain had almost died. Many of us had barely escaped death. I was worried about Ichigo. He seemed to be acting strangely, but I thought it was better if I left him to his friends. Surely they noticed. I'm sure Rukia and Renji tried to help him, but he seemed to lose his assurance. I may have lost much of my confidence, but he seemed to have no confidence left. Then he disappeared for a while. I don't know where he went.

The summons to return to Seireitei after the third attack by the Arrancar stunned us all. I'm not sure who was more surprised. The Captain General delivered the ultimatum. Once the announcement had been made my captain said nothing, but his eyes widened in disbelief. I don't think he had been informed before the formal announcement. The threat still remained, nothing had been resolved and we were meant to return to Soul Society. We had to protect Seireitei, but weren't the Arrancar a threat to the human world also? Shouldn't we stay? On top of that, we were told that Orihime had disappeared, supposedly by her own choice, with the Arrancar. She was branded a traitor.

I couldn't believe it! Orihime could not be a traitor. In the time I had spent with Orihime I had found her to be a sweet, slightly ditzy girl with an unhealthy obsession for Ichigo. Okay, maybe Ichigo was cute. It had been fun to tease him by raising my skirt, until Rukia put an end to that fun. Cuteness aside, it was not enough to explain the depth of Orihime's fixation. She seemed to feel his pain, though she did not seem to know how to help him. I tried to help her, but did not see how I could, except to provide reassurance. I did not feel qualified to provide counselling on anyone's love life as I had enough trouble working out my own feelings.

Orihime was kind and funny. I had seen how scared she was of the Arrancar. It was not possible that she had gone willingly. There had to be something more.

Our protests against the return to Seireitei were ignored. When it seemed that Rukia and Renji might actively refuse to return, the Captain-General announced that he had prepared for this. The Dengai passageway appeared. I turned to look; interested to see what form the preparations took. My heart leapt to my mouth. Zaraki! Zaraki was here.

He stood in the doorway next to Captain Kuchiki. The Captain-General had chosen well. Ikkaku and Yumichika would not refuse a direction from Zaraki, and Renji and Rukia would take notice of Captain Kuchiki. Just loyalty would make them obey; not to mention the formidable fighting skills of both captains. I idly wondered if Zaraki was included to make certain I agreed to return, but decided that was a foolish notion. Toshiro would follow the direction of the Captain-General, and I would follow my captain.

I looked at Zaraki hungrily. My first sight of him had caused my heart to leap and my throat to close. I'm sure it was lust. Nothing more. He didn't look in my direction or indicate by a flicker of his eye that he was aware of my presence. I willed him to do so, but he ignored me. My initial elation at seeing him was replaced by fear, and uncertainty.

"He's replaced me already," I thought. "After only one day together. Damn. Damn." I bit my tongue hard and looked at the faces of the others.

Everyone looked resigned to the return. Ichigo was still arguing, but even he realised there was little point. Once the Captain-General made a decision, it was very hard to change his mind.

Meekly I followed the others through the portal. My friend, Orihime, was declared a traitor; we had failed in our mission and both the human world and Seireitei were under threat. I tried to concentrate on these problems. I didn't want to think about Zaraki. That pain was too strange. We had agreed to sex only. No emotions. Emotions were flooding through me. I was a fool!

After we arrived back in Seireitei I began to slowly follow my captain back to 10th Division. There was no point going elsewhere. Meetings would be held later. Lots of meetings. Numerous meetings. Mentally I cringed at the thought of the number of meetings and the amount of paperwork that would be generated. For now, I just wanted to find some place to be alone.

Being alone was a bad idea. Maybe I'd get drunk. Yes, I would meet up with Captain Kyoraku and the others and we could have a drinking session. That would get rid of the silly ideas I had. The alcohol would dull everything. The idea was appealing to me more by the minute.

As I walked slowly toward my quarters, I heard footsteps running up behind me and the tinkle of bells. I stopped, waiting for Zaraki to pass. Obviously he wanted to talk to Captain Hitsugaya. Instead I felt myself lifted off my feet and carried at high speed in a direction I had travelled once before, with such excitement.

"I'll return your lieutenant later, Captain Hitsugaya," Zaraki yelled as he ran past.

My captain yelled something in return, but I couldn't hear it. Zaraki was running very fast. Too fast to leave him breath to talk.

We arrived at his place and he kicked the door open. Once inside he shut the door and placed me on my feet. He dropped his zanpakuto and I removed mine. I was frantically trying to take my uniform off, but I was too late. The uniform suffered the same fate as the one in the bath house at Zaraki's hands. I would not be able to wear it again. I was naked and the pieces of my uniform were on the floor. Zaraki quickly freed his penis, leaving the rest of his clothing on. He pushed me against the wall and lifted me so he could enter me. He pushed into me, but it hurt. I winced, and murmured a complaint.

"Damn. You've become too tight again," he remarked, frustrated at being unable to penetrate me. He carried me into his bedroom.

"It's not my fault. I haven't had sex since I last saw you," I protested.

"Of course you haven't" he said as he placed me on the bed and took the oil from the drawer. "Neither have I."

With impressive speed he oiled himself and applied his fingers to me, stroking me a little, just enough to tantalise.

With no further foreplay, he pushed into me. I felt myself stretch again, as his penis pushed past my entrance. Strangely, it still hurt and I gasped in pain. Zaraki stopped at the gasp and withdrew.

"What's the problem?" he asked.

"I don't know. It hurt," I replied disappointed at my body. I wanted him so much.

"I have to have you now," he said. "I'll try again."

This time he applied a liberal coating of oil to his penis and lingeringly stroked me with oil coated fingers. It felt good to have his hands on my body once more. He then tried to enter me again. He was more patient and slowly managed to penetrate me fully.

He groaned once he was fully sheathed within me. "I just want to be inside you again. I need to see if my memory of how you feel matched the reality. My memory is not as good as the reality. I just want to be with you, feel you all around me. I have to fuck you."

He began to suit his actions to his words. He moved within me, pushing himself in as far as he could and then withdrawing until only the tip of his penis was inside me. Any pain I felt was consumed by my pleasure in his movements. I met his thrusts. I moved against him, pressing myself as close as I could. In the back of my mind, I wished he would kiss me. Instead he seemed intent on only one joining of our bodies.

"He's only interested in the sex," I reminded myself. The foolish fantasies I had entertained in the real world were just that, fantasies. No basis in reality. Zaraki just wanted me for sex. There was no deeper motivation. The man had never even called me by name. For some strange reason that hurt me.

All the resolutions about emotions and not getting involved were shaken. I had avoided examining my feelings too closely. It was better not to know. I had loved someone before only to be rejected and abandoned. I couldn't trust emotions. Emotions always betray and disappoint. They lead to expectations.

I didn't want to think of anything except the movement of our bodies. The way his hands grasped my hips, drawing me up to meet his thrusts, my body gladly receiving him, the perspiration beading on my breasts. His breathing became more uncontrolled as he thrust harder into me. The sensation of his hard penis filling me was better then I remembered. The feeling of his thighs between mine and the heat generated by his proximity made me grow more excited.

As he thrust into me again, I came, managing to hold in the scream, but losing all other control. I shuddered under him as he quickened his thrusts and also came.

It had only been a few minutes since we entered his house. It spoke at least for my deprivation. I had never come so quickly during sex.

Zaraki did not withdraw but remained fully inserted within me, leaning on his elbows to support his weight.

"I'm going to remain inside you until I get hard again," he commented. "It won't take long and I fully intend to keep fucking you. I heard about what you did."

"What do you mean?" I asked as I felt his erection swell within me.

"Did you miss me at all? No I suppose you didn't. Raising your skirt to that kid. I thought we had an agreement." Zaraki's voice grated as he brought his face close to mine.

"The agreement was about sex, nothing else. I didn't touch him; no one touched me, except the Arrancars."

"You let him look at my property." Zaraki's face was close to mine. I could feel the heat of his breath as he spoke. His eyes were glaring at me.

"You don't own me, Zaraki," I yelled suddenly angry trying to push him off me, out of my body. "Did you have someone watch my every movement while I was in the human world? We agreed about the sex. I'm beginning to think you're jealous."

Zaraki ignored my attempts to push him off. "Ikkaku and Yumichika reported everything to me. I'm their captain. Of course I'm jealous! Incredibly jealous. I told you, you're mine until we're bored with each other. You don't lift your skirt to other guys. You don't let yourself get nearly killed. You think about me. I told you before you left, don't die and don't fuck anybody else." His anger seemed to be arousing him even more.

"Zaraki, it's supposed to be just sex. Why should I think about you?" I was becoming a little suspicious.

"Feel me now, deep inside you. Think about how that feels. I want you to think about that. Think about how you felt when you came. Think about the sex we've had. You want more. I want more, much more."

I blushed remembering the number of times I had thought about that in the human world. "You didn't think about me. You ignored me in the human world. You didn't even look in my direction. I may as well not have been there when the Captain General called you in. You didn't have to ignore me like that," I accused.

"Of course I did. If I had looked at you, I would have wanted to fuck you right there. Kuchiki warned me about that, told me I had to control my peasant urges. I couldn't look at you. As soon as we got back here I got you. I'm inside you now. We have fucked; we are going to fuck again. Knowing I was going to see you made me so hard."

With those words he bent to kiss me. He just placed his lips on mine, gently. The slight pressure of his mouth on mine felt different to the urgent sexual kisses we had exchanged until now. He held me close and continued the gentle kiss. It was odd feeling the almost asexual kiss but at the same time having his penis fully within my body. No one had ever kissed me like that while inside me. It was always tongues and fever.

I had only experienced that type of gentle kiss when I was a child. I had kissed Gin like that. I pushed that particular memory away.

When he finished kissing me, I had to question him. "What was the kiss about?"

"I just wanted to kiss you like that. Do I have to explain everything?"

"Yes."

He kissed me again. An urgent kiss, full of sexual promise. I felt myself relax and I became more aroused. I forgot to question the gentle kiss. Maybe that was his plan. His tongue invaded my mouth like a hunter seeking prey. I touched his tongue with mine and he licked it. He deepened the kiss.

"You're still nearly fully dressed," I commented breathlessly, once he broke the kiss. I tried to remove his coat but he captured my hands with one of his.

"Oh, yeah. I'm too busy right now to think about getting undressed" he said as lowered his head to my neck and ran his tongue from my chin down my throat..

I had always been sensitive on the neck. As he licked me I wriggled again, almost giggling. It tickled and felt good at the same time.

"You like that, do you?" he commented as he continued.

I pushed against him giggling and feeling increasingly aroused as he alternately licked and sucked my neck. I could feel him within me as I wriggled but he was not making any further moves. He seemed content to make me squirm under him. The more I moved, the more attention he paid to my neck. He started biting me gently. Then he sucked hard, drawing the skin into his mouth.

"Zaraki, what are you doing?" I gasped.

"Whatever I want. I like it when you do that. I can feel you move around me. Makes me want to have you quickly, but I prefer it when you lose control," his breathing was ragged as he spoke.

"How do I make you lose control?" I asked breathlessly.

"You'll have to try harder," he said as his mouth moved down to my breast. He took the nipple in and bit it gently. The pressure made me buck against him. I couldn't control my groan of pleasure.

Taking that as a sign he removed his mouth from my breast and began to thrust into me urgently. I had not expected the urgency. It matched the urgency that had been building in me since he began licking my neck. He had never taken me so demandingly before, and I felt myself being caught up in his passion. I responded, pushing against him, getting hotter and wilder, until I felt as if my body was exploding from pleasure and I lost control. I felt Zaraki come, his body shuddering. He yelled loudly.

He withdrew and lay on his back, breathing heavily. My breathing wasn't much better.

"You yelled," I said.

"Yeah. So?"

"You never have before. What was different?"

"Doesn't matter, does it?" Zaraki replied laconically.

"I'm curious. Why did you yell?"

"You love asking questions, don't you? Okay, I lost control. Happy now?" Zaraki said closing his eyes.

I turned on my side to look at him. He was still fully dressed. The material of his garments was wet with sweat and the mingling of our fluids. I wanted him naked so I could touch the warmth of his skin.

"Yes, I am happy, but I'll be happier if you removed your clothes. Or you could let me remove them for you," I suggested slyly.

"Hell, you're insatiable, woman. Good thing I am too." He opened the eye not covered by the patch. "Get on with it," He instructed me.

I moved my hands to his face and removed his eye patch.

"Why that first?" he grumbled.

"I want to see your face properly." The answer seemed obvious. I didn't like the eye patch.

"Most people prefer not to see my face," he replied. He seemed uncomfortable with my comments.

"I'm not most people." Why were we talking about the eye patch? Did we ever have a normal conversation?

I had to get him to move so I could remove his coat. I dropped it over the side of the bed. I now got astride him to remove his shirt. As I undid it I allowed my hands to roam over his chest. Once his shirt was off there was only one thing I wished to remove. "Now it gets interesting."

Zaraki grinned at me. "I'm already interested."

I looked down and noticed his erection. "Help me get these off," I said as the breath caught in my throat. I couldn't believe that the sight of his erection could make me want him again. I was reacting to visual images as if I were a man. Getting him undressed was taking too long.

Zaraki laughed as he removed the last of his clothes. "It's easier to strip you." His hands cupped my breasts.

"I don't rip your clothes off," I replied haughtily enjoying the sensation of his warm hands.

"You could if you wanted to. I wouldn't mind," he said throatily. His hands continued to fondle me.

Talking about clothes made me aware of one problem. It also reminded me of something I needed to know. "I just realised that I don't have a spare uniform."

"Don't worry about that," Zaraki said as he pulled me close. "I got some spares in your size. I knew I'd get impatient with the clothes. This way I can get into you so much faster."

"Sex again, Zaraki?"

"Is that a problem?" He grinned at me, his hands continuing to arouse me.

"No. Yes. Before we do, I want to know something."

Zaraki's face was close to mine and he looked at me curiously. "Depends what you want to know," he said cautiously.

I paused. Was this a stupid question? Was I sure I wanted to hear the answer? It was too late. I needed to know. "Why don't you call me by my name?" I finally asked.

Zaraki looked bewildered. "That's the question you wanted to ask? I thought it was something more serious."

"It is serious," I insisted. "The fact that you don't call me by my name makes me feel that you don't really see me as a person." I actually wondered if he knew what my name was. That worried me. He must know my name. It would hurt to find out he didn't know.

"I hadn't noticed," he said as he ran his hand down my flank. "It's not like we spend a lot of time talking. So what should I call you? Matsumoto? Ran? Beloved?"

The last word made my heart leap, but I tried to control my expression. He did know my name. "I prefer either Matsumoto or Ran. If you really want to call me beloved, I have no objections but it might be embarrassing in public. This is only sex after all."

"Yes, just sex, Matsumoto, beloved," said Zaraki before he kissed me lingeringly.

I had trouble believing my ears, but the kiss distracted me. When he stopped kissing me I looked at him. "Funny, Zaraki. Enough of the teasing. I don't appreciate it." He kissed me again. Again I was distracted.

I felt my arms reach to embrace him. I wanted him close to me, to feel his skin against mine. Hearing him use my name and call me beloved had confused me again. I was having enough trouble trying to sort out my feelings without any further complications. If he could just remember our bargain I might have a better chance of ignoring all those perilous thoughts that invited me to test the limits.

Kissing him was sweet and arousing. I was scared of the kiss ending because we might talk again, and if we talked I might betray myself. If only he played by the rules.

After the kiss he stroked my cheek gently. We were lying on our sides, my arm around him. I had felt like this before, when I thought there was something more than there was. I did not want to make the same mistake.

"You don't have to pretend you care, Zaraki. I understand the situation," I said with as little emotion as I could.

"I'm not pretending," he replied in a matter of fact tone. I became very still. I was imagining things. This was wrong.

"I said, I'm not pretending Matsumoto. I care," Zaraki grated. It sounded like the words had been forced out of him. I pulled back from him, terrified and elated. I looked at him, searching his face for the truth of his words. What did it mean that he cared?

He frowned at me. "What is the problem? I didn't declare undying love. I just said I cared. I think it will take some time to get bored with you in bed. You make me jealous when I think of you with anyone else. I can talk to you, I think. Maybe we should try talk about something other than sex one day to find out. I missed you while you were away. I enjoy having sex with you. Hell, I want to fuck you as soon as I see you. Yeah, I care. I don't want to hurt you. I prefer to hear you scream my name in pleasure. Do you care about me?"

I nodded not daring to say a word or all the stupid words I was suppressing would tumble out, embarrassing me and estranging Zaraki.

"Good. Now we won't mention it again. Kiss me," he demanded.

I noticed it was the first time he had asked me to kiss him. I was more than glad to fulfil the demand. I kissed him hungrily, wanting to taste him, feel his mouth on mine. Kissing him, I felt an overwhelming rush of emotion. This was not good. I was off balance. I needed to get away from him, just for a moment, so I could regain mastery over my emotions.

I pulled away and muttered, "Bathroom," as I got up from the bed.

Once in the bathroom, I shut the door and leant against it. My thoughts were racing. "What the hell is going on? I am out of control. Just because he said he cared doesn't mean anything. He might not mean it anyway. Why am I so affected by this man? Should I leave?"

Moving away from the door, I freshened up and then washed my face while gazing into the mirror. My eyes looked strange. My neck was marked where Zaraki had bitten it. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't stay in the bathroom for too long, it would look suspicious. If I went out, I wasn't sure I would be able to control my words.

I don't know how long I gazed at my reflection. It did not help.

I had to face the facts. If I told Zaraki how I felt, that would be the end. He told me he cared, but that was all. I felt more than care. No matter how many times I denied it, no matter how many times I told myself it was only lust, I knew the truth. Why I had fallen for him, I didn't know. I didn't even know the man! His scent, his touch was imprinted on me so deeply after such a short time.

Maybe it would be better to tell him now, before I sank any deeper into the raw pit of emotion. If he ended it now, I would recover. It might take some time, but it would be better to get the pain over with now. I envisaged the days ahead. I had experienced that pain before. I had coped then, I would cope now. My resolution was formed. I would leave the bathroom and be with Zaraki again. I hoped I would be able to hold my tongue until I had sex with him once more.

I opened the door.

Review or no update.


	4. The Reunion: Part Two

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine. _

**The Reunion: Part Two**

I walked into the room. Zaraki was sitting on the side of the bed, waiting.

"What took so frigging long?" he asked abruptly. His eyes were hard as he looked at me.

The tone of his voice took me by surprise. I stood still.

"What took so long?" he repeated. His voice contained little warmth. What did he think I had been doing? What could you do in a bathroom?

"Nothing," I replied with a quaver in my voice. His anger was unexpected and made me nervous.

He got to his feet and walked over to me. "I almost came in to see if you'd passed out or something," he said standing near me.

He looked down, his mouth a sharp line in his face, but that didn't matter to me. He was standing close; that mattered more. I had to touch him. My hand reached out and my palm came to rest on his chest. As my palm made contact with his skin I felt his sharp intake of breath at my touch.

"Damn you woman. A simple touch shouldn't affect me like this. One touch from you and I want you again," he said as he pulled me to him.

I relaxed into his embrace, feeling his warm skin meld against mine. My breasts were crushed against his chest and I could feel his erection against my stomach. I didn't trust myself to speak; I didn't trust myself at all. My resolution to say nothing was severely strained as my body reacted to his closeness.

I knew what I wanted to do, but was unsure how he would react. Freeing myself slightly from his clutch I sank to my knees and brought my mouth close to his penis. I wanted to taste him this time. I wanted to taste myself on him and feel him between my lips. "Besides," I reasoned, "if my mouth is full, I can't talk."

I delicately touched my tongue to the tip of his penis. It leapt against my tongue and Zaraki did not object. Encouraged I ran my tongue down the length of his penis to the sac underneath. Zaraki's breathing roughened a little as his hands reached down and tangled in my hair. Encouraged I licked his full length again, slowly, feeling the skin react to the touch of my tongue.

I poised my lips over his erection and then encircled the head with my mouth. There was no possibility that I would be able to take the full length into my mouth, but I wanted to try. As I sucked the head gently, I could savour the mingling of our juices. It was faint, but it was possible to taste. I agreed with his earlier comments. I liked the combination of our juices but I wanted to taste him the way he had tasted me.

Zaraki pushed his hips against my face. I could feel the heat of his skin increasing. I caressed his sac with my fingers as I pushed my mouth further down his length. The feel of his hardness within my mouth was turning me on even more. My hands reached around and kneaded the firm flesh of his buttocks as I worked on him. His hands were still through my hair, but he was not resisting. I thought I could hear him groan.

I decided to change tack and laved him with my tongue, alternately sucking and licking him. I could feel him begin to tighten as I took him into my mouth again. I slid my mouth over his penis, as far as I could. It filled my mouth and I then proceeded to slide it back and forth, feeling a sense of power. I could tell he was enjoying it. My fingers were now cupping his sac and I could feel how tightly they were drawn against his body. I could feel the dampness between my thighs increase. I wanted him in my mouth, I wanted him inside me. The urge was too much. I slid a hand between my legs as I licked the length of his penis again, and then took him in my mouth. I began to touch myself as I sucked him. I felt so much in need.

"Oh, God, Matsumoto," Zaraki growled, using my hair to gently pull my face away from his penis.

I knelt there, disappointed. I really wanted him to come in my mouth.

He picked me up and holding me against him, inserted his fully engorged penis into me. I wrapped my legs around his thighs as he thrust deeply into me. As he filled me, I pushed down, eager to feel his full length.

"I wanted you to come in my mouth. I wanted to taste you," I groaned, my head against his chest, and my arms around his neck. "Oh, that feels so good."

"I had to get inside you again. I saw you touching yourself and it drove me wild. Your mouth is good, but this is so much better," Zaraki panted. Still carrying me, he moved toward the wall.

"I'm going to have you against the wall, like I wanted to when we first got here," he said huskily. "Good thing I'm strong."

I felt rather nervous as I had not had sex against a wall when my feet were not touching the floor. But it felt so good to have him fully within me.

Bracing me against the wall, he began to quickly thrust into me. Each thrust caused the bells in his hair to tinkle. I felt the wall hard against my back as I held on to him tightly. This position meant I felt him penetrate me even more deeply. I squirmed on his penis, wanting him to continue forever, or at least until I was satisfied. When that would be I didn't know. Even though I had come twice already, I hadn't had enough. I wanted to continue until neither of us could move. The only problem was the words I was scared would spill from my mouth.

Having sex in this position, made it hard for me to kiss him. I felt my nipples hardening as I grew more excited. His penis seemed to grow in size and the friction was intense. His thrusts quickened, too soon for me. Zaraki groaned and shuddered as his semen spurted hot into me. I hadn't come. As he rested his forehead against mine, I felt a twinge of disappointment.

"I could have held on longer if you hadn't sucked me," he said, panting heavily.

"I wanted you to come in my mouth," I said still aroused, but not knowing what would happen next.

"Not today, probably not tomorrow," he said as he slowly withdrew. "I told you I want to fuck you. Don't worry. I won't leave you unsatisfied."

Carrying me back to the bed he place me down and kissed me lingeringly as his hand touched me, playing with my clit. I moved against his hand, wanting more.

"I have to taste you again," he said as he buried his face between my thighs. He spread me wide and licked me, one long slow lick. I quivered as his tongue grazed me. Remembering the previous time I expected a long, torturous tease as he drove me out my mind. It's always a bad idea to try to predict what Zaraki will do.

He licked me again, missing my clit, but sliding his tongue into me fully. I tensed as I felt him enter me, anticipating a removal and a pause. Instead he licked my clit quickly, fast cat like licks, and then sucked me. A few moments were all I could handle before I lost control and came, shrieking his name again. He continued to lick me until I had finished.

When I opened my eyes it was to see his grinning face above me. "Taste me," he said before he kissed me.

His mouth tasted hot and I experienced the salty pungent flavour of our juices. I sucked his tongue and licked him in a frenzy to absorb all of the taste I could. As I tasted I could smell the scent. Damn, the man was getting to me. I couldn't get enough. I had never kissed him with such intensity and he responded, passionately.

Zaraki finally pulled away. "That was different," he commented, giving me a strange look.

I flushed, embarrassed at the frenzy I had displayed. "I was a little carried away," I explained.

"I noticed," he said as he moved to lie beside me, not touching me.

I was too scared of his reaction and my feelings to move any closer. If I touched him I might start babbling. Maybe he didn't want me to touch him.

I looked at his face. His brow was furrowed while he stared at the ceiling and seemed oblivious to my presence. I sighed and looked at the ceiling also. I had seen it before and it hadn't changed since I last looked.

My mind was racing. "What is he thinking about? Did I scare him when I kissed him? Why isn't he touching me? Should I talk to him? Should I touch him? Is it over between us already? Should I just go? Can I spend any more time with him? I'm too nervous to stay and I'm too scared to go. Why can't I control my emotions?"

Too many stupid questions and no answers; and no easy way to obtain the answers. I should go, make some excuse or other. I'd had sex with him once more as I'd hoped. If I left now, I could possibly join a drinking session where I could forget all this, forget how I felt. I had to end it now. I shifted on the bed, preparing to get up.

Zaraki, sensing the movement reached out and pulled me close to him, embracing me. My head again rested on his chest and I was wrapped in his warmth. "Don't think you're leaving, Matsumoto. Not yet. Not until I'm ready to let you go."

I stiffened in his arms. His embrace was affecting me in the worst possible way. I bit down on my tongue, hard. The words were forming in my mind and in my mouth.

"I was wondering about that last kiss, Matsumoto. No one has ever kissed me in a frenzy of passion before. No woman has reacted to me the way you do. I asked this question before and you didn't answer. I want you to answer me now. Do you like me?" Zaraki asked.

I swallowed. "Damn, I must be so transparent," I thought. But it gave me an idea of how I could leave.

"I'll answer you on one condition," I replied, letting my hand touch his cheek.

"I don't do conditional answers," Zaraki stated. I knew he didn't like conditions unless they were his conditions.

"You don't meet the condition, I don't answer the question," I said with as much firmness as I could summon, still stroking his cheek. Realising how my gesture could be interpreted, I snatched my hand away and rested it lightly on his chest. I would not caress him, it made everything so obvious.

"What's the condition?" he grated. It seemed he might actually consider my request. I hoped this would work.

"Remove the bells from your hair and I will answer the question," I said calmly. Unless he cut the bells off it would take precious minutes for all the bells to be removed. I wanted those moments.

"What sort of condition is that? Why?" Zaraki seemed perplexed by the condition. He reached to touch the bells and appeared to think better of it as he dropped his hand.

"I find the bells distracting when we have sex. I'm worried about developing a Pavlovian reaction to the sound of bells," I explained. It was true. I did find the bells distracting, tinkling as he thrust into me. I preferred him without them.

"It will take a little time to remove them," he said thoughtfully. His eyes were distant as if he was thinking about the length of time it would take.

My guess was right. It would take time. "If you want me to answer your question, that's the price." It seemed that my condition would be met. I had not expected it to be this easy.

"You answer me first and I'll remove the bells," he bargained, his hand caressing my back.

"I don't know why this is so important to you, Zaraki. Remove the bells and I'll give you my answer," I said with finality. I had to be firm because the answer was on the tip of my tongue.

He moved so he was facing me. I missed being pillowed by his chest and feeling his warmth. He placed his fingers under my chin and tilted my head so I was looking into his eyes. "Tell me, now," he said and kissed me sweetly.

It was too much; when he kissed me;, I became blind to reason. I pulled away. "Until you remove the bells, I won't tell you anything. I won't kiss you," I rasped.

"I could take you by force, again," he said, his hand sliding temptingly between my legs.

"We both know that wasn't rape. You prefer your partners to be willing. I believe you mentioned that earlier," I said as calmly as I could while fighting my response to his touch. I hoped that I sounded convincing.

Zaraki sighed and rose from the bed. "You win. I'll remove the bells and then you will answer all my questions, not only the one I asked just now."

"I will answer all your questions," I said, knowing I would never willingly answer any of his questions. It would be foolish to do so.

I waited until he closed the bathroom door before searching for the replacement uniforms he'd mentioned. I found them and quickly dressed. As quietly as I could, I retrieved my zanpaku-to and left. I knew I was doing something stupid; really stupid. I wasn't thinking rationally. I wasn't even thinking. I was driven by a fear of loss so intense that I decided to be the one to make the choice to lose. Zaraki might say he cared, he might even care a little, but it was better this way. If I said what I wanted to say it would be over. I wanted to choose how to end the affair and this insult would end it between us, I expected. His pride would not allow him to forget.

I did say I wasn't thinking. I'm always at my worst when I give into emotions. That was how Gin managed to gain so much control over me. With him I could never separate emotions from thought and he knew that so well. I was blind to his faults; constantly hoping he would return, even after he distanced himself from me. I'd always hoped he would forgive me for my momentary foolishness. Sometimes I even fantasised that he had learnt the truth and returned to me, full of apologies and love, ready to cherish me. So much wasted time and emotion. That was why I had sworn off emotion, and yet, here I was again allowing my thoughts to be overruled by my passions.

I had to get away from Zaraki, stay away from Zaraki or I would end up in the same emotional mess as before. One more minute with the man and I would be sobbing, on my knees confessing… Confessing how I felt. I couldn't even allow my thoughts to frame the words I wanted to say to him. I had to leave.

As I left Zaraki's quarters I noticed that the sun was now setting. We had arrived back in Soul Society in the early afternoon. This was the time that my friends met to discuss the events of the day, while having a social drink. I'd visit them. Hurriedly, I made my way home, washed and tried to tidy up. I then walked to Captain Ukitake's place. My friends would help distract me as they had in the past. From the noise and singing it seemed a party was already in progress. I pushed open the door and entered the room.

Everyone turned to look at me. I quickly hugged them all. It was good to see them again. After a few minutes spent greeting each of them, a small warmed bottle of sake was pushed in my hands.

"Sit down and tell us what happened," Captain Ukitake requested. He smiled at me with his usual sweet smile. I realised how much I'd missed him.

"In the human world?" I asked sipping from the bottle feeling the warmth of the sake spread through me; it did not compare to the warmth of feeling Zaraki hold me. I rejected that thought.

"No. We're more interested in what happened with Captain Zaraki. We heard you were with him today, that he'd carried you of as soon as you arrived back. We weren't expecting you tonight, otherwise we would have waited," Hisagi said. He was leaning against the wall, relaxed and seemingly at peace.

"So, is he any good?"

"Does he take off the eye-patch?"

"Does he have kinky tastes?"

I looked at the eager faces of my friends. "Unfair," I said. "I never ask about your liaisons." I realised that comment was not just. No one had asked me about one particular previous liaison. That subject had always been avoided by unspoken accord. I didn't know if they guessed what had happened, but I would never tell them. It would serve no purpose.

"But none of us have been so public in our relationships. He must be good or you wouldn't have gone back that first day," Kira answered eventually. He winked at me and raised his sake bottle.

I blushed. They were right about the publicity our relationship had received. The events of today would have just confirmed everything. "I'm not answering your questions," I said. "Did you miss me?"

"Touchy about the good captain? Does that mean you finished with him, already? Will we have to avoid him because he's in a bad mood," Captain Kyoraku asked. "Captain Zaraki in a foul mood is something I dread. He's likely to challenge anyone and everyone. It upsets me."

"I haven't really finished with him," I said taking a swig of sake. The room fell silent as all eyes were fixed on me.

"You haven't really finished with him and you came here? What does that mean? Did you come from his place? Does he know you're here," Captain Kyoraku asked nervously.

"I don't know. I don't want to talk about it. I only wanted to have a drink; is that a problem?" I asked, worried by their reaction.

"God, Ran. He probably sees you as his property. You're still new in the relationship with him. If you left him and came here, he'll find you. Don't you understand how possessive the Captain is? I think you should go home, or back to his place, now," Kira advised. His normally pale complexion was even whiter than normal. His eyes looked around the room as if trying to find an exit.

Hisagi nodded agreement his relaxed pose had changed into one of someone expecting an attack at any moment. I looked at my friends. You don't want me here?" I said stunned. I began to feel a little unsettled.

"We do want you here, but under different circumstances. Not when Captain Zaraki is likely to turn up any minute and…." Captain Ukitake eyes widened as he looked behind me and stopped speaking.

"Not when Captain Zaraki is likely to turn up any minute and what?" a familiar voice asked from behind me.

I wasn't ready for this. The voice caused shivers to run over my body. I wanted to run away, I wanted to hide. Mostly I wanted to throw my arms around him and kiss him. I slowly turned and my heart leapt. It was obvious that I hadn't guessed his reaction correctly. My friends had known he would turn up and I had foolishly believed he would not.

Zaraki had removed the bells from his hair. He must have dressed quickly as he was not wearing his captain's coat, or his eye-patch.

"Hello Brother Captain," Captain Kyoraku said pleasantly. "Do you want some sake?"

"I'm interested in how you were going to finish that sentence, Ukitake," Zaraki said, glaring at him.

"Just that you were likely to turn up any minute to see if the pretty lieutenant of 10th Division was here," Captain Ukitake said smoothly, looking coolly at Zaraki.

"You're right. I am here looking for the lieutenant of the 10th Division. Lieutenant, come with me," Zaraki ordered. He hesitated a few seconds and then added, "Please."

I looked at my friends. They shrugged, or shook their heads. There would be no help there. Somehow I hadn't expected any, not this time.

"Okay. I'm coming," I said reluctantly, not wishing to start a fight in public. If I had to argue with him it would be better if we were alone. I drank the small amount of sake left in the bottle and placed it on the table. "Talk to you later," I said as I left.

Zaraki preceded me out the door. Once we had left the house he picked me up and flung me over his shoulder without any comment. He began to move quickly back to his place. Being held like a bag of flour wounded my dignity and made it impossible for me to talk. It hurt as I bounced on his shoulder. I did not like this. I was angry with Zaraki for treating me like a naughty child and I objected to the indignity of being carried in this manner.

When we arrived back at him place Zaraki took me into the bedroom and placed me on the bed.

"Take your clothes off, now," he ordered as he left the room.

I stood up, angry at his treatment of me, refusing to obey his order and wondering what was going to happen now. Why had he left the room?

"I've locked the door. If you want to leave, you have to ask my permission," Zaraki said as he returned to the bedroom. "Why are you still dressed and standing?"

"I've told you before that I detest being ordered around," I said harshly, glaring at him. "I hate it when my captain does it; I hate it when you do it."

"You know what I hate? I hate it when my sex partner, that's you, requests I take the bells out of my hair. You left without explanation while I was carrying out your request," Zaraki retorted, steel in his tone. He returned my glare.

"His sex partner. That's all he sees me as. Even though he said he cared, he only sees me as his sex partner," I thought, my anger rising.

"Why did you leave?" Zaraki moved closer to me, his eyes intent on my face.

"I wanted to see my friends. I haven't seen them since I went to the human world. I missed them," I replied tersely. Any minute now I was going to fling my body into his arms.

"You were with me. Why was it important to see your friends tonight? I thought we were spending tonight with each other. It's been too long. Why did you leave?" Zaraki asked harshly.

I looked at him, my mouth shut tight. I would not answer that question.

"I'll ask again. Why did you leave? I took off the bells at your request and came out here and you were gone. I went to your place and you weren't there. I guessed the bells were just an excuse so you could leave. You wanted to leave me," Zaraki stated. I shrugged, unwilling to say anything. Zaraki grabbed me by the shoulders.

"Why did you want to leave? I demand an answer. You owe me an explanation," he said through gritted teeth. His anger was evident in the way his hands bit into my shoulders.

"I wanted the bells removed. When you were in the bathroom, I gave into an impulse to go and see my friends. You don't own me Zaraki. I don't have to explain myself to you. I'm not your toy," I replied sulkily tugging at his hands, unable to shift them.

"You are mine, woman. I've claimed you and claimed you publicly. Remember? Everyone knows you belong to me, except you. I thought you understood," Zaraki rasped his hands tightening.

"I'm a slow learner. My friends told me to come back to you. They're scared of you," I was beginning to feel a little fearful also. I had never seen Zaraki in such a rage.

"Your friends are more sensible than you," Zaraki observed grimly. His hands were hurting me. I tried to shrug them off, but his grip tightened even further.

"I wanted some sake. I wanted to unwind and catch up on the gossip," I said feebly by way of explanation.

Zaraki was shaking his head. "You have been apart from me for all this time. You were angry with me for not looking at you in the human world. I've told you I care about you; I don't understand. All the time I was removing the bells I was thinking about fucking you again. I was so hard it was distracting me. I came back into this room and you'd gone! I guessed where you'd gone, but I didn't know why. Are you trying to finish what we have?"

I shrugged again, not knowing how to respond. Zaraki shook me. I hated feeling like a doll in Zaraki's grasp.

"Do you want to end it?" he demanded.

"You're hurting me. You embarrassed me in front of my friends," I yelled, trying to change the subject.

"You embarrassed me in front of your friends," he grated. "But you're avoiding the question. Do you want to end it?"

Again I did not know how to answer. I stood, silent. I knew I should end it but I wanted him to hold me within his arms again. My head drooped as my uncertainty grew.

"Do you want to end it?" he asked slowly again, his hands still firm on my shoulders, but without the associated pain.

I felt annoyed at the constant barrage of questions. "I don't have any freedom anymore because of you. My friends don't want to spend time with me; people are scared of your reactions. You set spies on me," I accused.

"Do you think I have any freedom? I am a Captain. I have to be careful. Don't you understand? Having you in my life has made it so much harder. People don't want us to be together. You're making me vulnerable." The tone of Zaraki's voice was different. Looking at his eyes I could see that he was still angry, and in conflict within himself.

The truth behind the words was evident. I knew people wanted us to part. I didn't wish to weaken him as I admired his strength. At the same time I felt an overwhelming anger at him. I was making him vulnerable? "I'll leave then. I want to end it. Our relationship is at an end. We'll pretend none of this happened," I said as I jerked away from his retraining hands and walked toward the door.

If I had not been furious I would never have been able to say those words. As I began to move out of the room, Zaraki moved between me and the door.

"You can't leave. Even if you do wish to end it, I have to agree. I don't give you my permission to leave and you still have not answered my original question," he pointed out, coldly. "I fulfilled my part of the bargain. Now you have to tell me the truth."

I gulped and my anger began to be replaced by fear. I'd forgotten the bargain. Knowing what he was going to ask I tried to think of a way of withholding the answer. If I answered he would know how weak I was and that would give him authority over me. After my last experience I never wanted anyone to have that power.

"Do you like me?" Zaraki asked moving one pace closer. Was he trying to intimidate me into an answer?

"Why do you want to know? I'm making you vulnerable," I hedged looking longingly at the door.

"Answer the question," he insisted, as he closed the gap. Only inches were between us.

I took a deep breath. "It will soon be over," I assured myself. "If I drop all pretence and tell him the truth, I will be able to leave and life will return to normal."

I looked into Zaraki's eyes. "I like you," I said and awaited his reaction, trying to remain calm. He nodded his eyes fixed on mine. I waited for more reaction, but there was none. What did nodding mean?

"I said, I like you, Zaraki." Saying those words soothed me and made it easier to stop the other words fighting to escape my mouth. He nodded once more, his eyes still fixed on my face.

I threw my hands up in exasperation. "It doesn't matter how I feel. I want to end it. May I go now?" I asked.

"No. You can't leave, and it isn't over," Zaraki replied moving ever closer so his body was tight against mine. "Take off your clothes."

"No. I don't want to take off my clothes. I want to leave," I said as took me in his arms and kissed me.

I fought against him, trying to push him away as he held me close. He didn't try to do anything more than kiss me gently, his lips pressed against mine. My struggles grew less the longer he held me. I could feel the warmth of his body through my clothes. I inhaled his scent. The warmth, the kiss, the feel of his body against mine, weakened my resolve.

"Take your clothes off, Matsumoto," Zaraki said still holding me close after he stopped kissing me.

"Why?" I asked, rebelliously.

"Why do you think? Come on woman. I want you again, now." I could feel the evidence of his need, hard against me.

I shook my head. "I said it's over. Why aren't you listening to me?" I was beginning to lose the fight. I didn't even try to push him away. I wanted him to hold me. Hearing him tell me he wanted me again made my blood heat. I wanted to rip his clothes off and let him take me any way he would.

"You told me you were finished with me once before. You weren't finished with me then, and you're not finished with me now. You like me. You want to taste me. You want me too," Zaraki said with immense confidence, his lips near my ear.

The confidence was well placed. I was wavering. It would not take much for him to persuade me to stay. I vaguely wondered how long it would be before I said those three stupid words.

"I told you it's not over. It's not over until we both agree and I don't agree. You are being stubborn, Matsumoto, beloved," he said kissing me again.

This time his tongue teased its way between my lips. The word, he'd used the word "beloved" again. Was it just because he was aroused and wanted me, or was there something more? I hesitated briefly before I returned his kiss.

Authors note: Reviews required.


	5. The Words

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine. _

**The Words**

The kiss; the fight; the desire, it was too much. I didn't want to leave and I hoped that maybe I could control my tongue just a little longer. I wanted to stay with him, despite my words. I was giving into my emotions and my desires. Yet again I was being stupid.

Zaraki's hands slid to my breasts while he was kissing me. Teasing my nipples, he was arousing me again, while his searching tongue made me want to return his kiss. My body's reaction to his touch made the removal of my clothes imperative. I stopped kissing him and took my clothes off as fast as I could. I threw them to the ground and stood there waiting.

"Nice to see you finally took your clothes off. You took your time telling me you liked me," he said removing his clothes almost as quickly as I removed mine. I watched him, wanting him to hold me close. I wanted to feel him naked against me.

"Do you like me, Zaraki?" Damn, why had I asked that? I was losing control again, so soon.

"Yes. I like you. I've liked you from the first time I entered you. I like the way you feel when I fuck you. I like the way you respond to me. I like the way you scream my name when you come. Hell, I liked you when you were fully clothed looking at me in the bath. Your eyes seemed so hot with desire when you stared at me. You wanted me even then." His eyes travelled over my body as he spoke.

"That's not an answer," I said feeling my face flush at his words. That was not what I wanted to hear. I wanted him to talk about how he felt about me, not about having sex with me.

"I like you," he said as he embraced me, kissing me. His erection prodded me while he kissed me, but I ignored it, wanting to just feel his arms around me, his lips caressing mine. We moved near to the bed and lay down together.

"I want to take you slowly, this time," he said, as his hands roaming over my body. "I want to spend hours fucking you, taking you close to the brink and then holding off, making you beg me to let you come, but I won't. I want you to feel the absence when I finally withdraw, so you feel incomplete without me deep inside of you." He kissed me longingly.

Hearing his plan for the evening scared and thrilled me. I felt incomplete without him already. I moved my mouth down and licked his nipple.

He sighed. "That feels okay, but I prefer it when I do that to you." He began to suck one of my nipples and a hand moved down to caress me. I moaned thrilling to his touch.

"I don't want to wait," he said as he reached for the oil.

My curiosity about the oil allowed me to gain a modicum of control. Was the oil here because of a previous lover? I felt a stab of jealousy as I imagined him caressing whoever it was, tasting them, touching them. Damn these emotions. They had urged me to make so many mistakes tonight. "Zaraki, if you haven't had sex for so long, why do you keep oil in your bedroom?" I asked unable to resist the question. I was worried about the answer, but I wanted to know.

"I put it there the day we first had sex," he said, a frown on his face. "I remembered the trouble I had when I first tried to enter you. I hurt you. I wanted to make sure it was easy for you when we had sex, so you'd come back. I want you to enjoy it. I've told you I like fucking you. Why?"

"Just curious," I said, taking the oil from him and pouring some into the palm of my hand.

I handed him the bottle and began to rub the oil over his erection, enjoying the slick feel of the oil and the feel of his hard erection in my hands. He seemed to get pleasure from my touch. Zaraki poured some oil onto his fingers and began to apply it to me, stroking me languorously. I continued paying attention to his erection, trying to ignore the sensations that his fingers were arousing.

"I think we're both ready," I said throatily, wanting to climb on top and take him deep inside me.

He pushed me onto my back and parted my legs and then positioned himself between them. I wrapped my legs around him, desire overwhelming me. As he entered me he groaned softly. "I enjoy the way you welcome me inside," he said. He thrust into me a few times and then rolled over, so we were both lying on our sides, facing each other.

"I've wanted to do this before," he said. He ran his hand over my back, down to my hip. "I like the texture of your skin. I like the way you feel against me."

I groaned with pleasure as he touched me. The oil made me feel even wetter which made me feel even more aroused.

"In this position I can look at you and touch you while being inside you. I want to touch you, feel you breasts and suck them while I'm deep within you. You don't know the fantasies I had about you when you were gone. I want to fulfil each one. You'll like that, won't you?"

How many fantasies did Zaraki want to fulfil? I hoped they were as good as this one was promising to be. I brought my lips to his and we kissed.

"I had fantasies about you too," I confessed.

He started to thrust gently into me, sheathing himself completely and pausing before he partially withdrew and thrust in again. "Did you fantasise about this?" he asked during one of the pauses.

"Not this particular position," I said, my breathing becoming a little heavier than normal as my passion rose.

"What did you fantasise about?" he asked as he slowly withdrew and then pushed back inside. "I want to know."

I bit my tongue. There was one fantasy, a recurring one, I would never tell him.

"Tell me, Matsumoto. I'm interested," he urged, his hands returning to my breasts. As he touched my nipples, I gave into the impulse and began to admit some of the fantasies that were true, but not too revealing.

"I fantasised about sucking you," I admitted.

"I fantasised about taking you against the wall as soon as I saw you," he replied. He was increasing the pace of his thrusts as we spoke.

"I fantasised about the first time we had sex. I kept remembering how much you stretched me when you finally penetrated me. I remembered how good it felt when you made me come," I said, the memory making me even more aroused.

Zaraki groaned. "Don't remind me. It just makes me want to pump into you harder," he said, suiting action to words.

I felt his hips meet mine and I closed my eyes as I met each thrust, wanting him to continue. My body wanted the action, but I also wanted to remain joined with him as long as I could. "I thought you were going to stay in me for hours," I teased.

Zaraki stopped moving and took a deep breath. "Mustn't break a promise," he said slowly.

He moved his head down and his mouth encircled a nipple. I loved the feeling of his hard penis inside me and his hot mouth on my breast. His tongue was teasing my nipple as he sucked harder. I moaned; ripples of pleasure ran through me. I ran my hands down his back, just using my nails lightly. Lifting myself slightly I then pushed down on his erection. It made me feel hotter. I didn't know what he planned next, but I was looking forward to it, as long as I was moaning, not talking. I again pushed down on his penis. It felt good, I did it again. I awaited a reaction from Zaraki was still sucking my nipple, occasionally nipping at it, but not taking any further action.

"Keep doing that if you want," he said removing his mouth from my breast. "I like the feeling. It shows you want me, for all your talk about being finished with me." His words made me pause, but he took up the rhythm and started to thrust into me again. It was so good. I could feel myself getting close to coming. Zaraki stopped moving and kissed me. As we kissed I tried moving on him, but he placed a hand on my hip, stilling my movement.

"I told you, I want to take you to the brink and not let you pass. I want you to beg me to let you come," he said, panting slightly.

"How did you known I was close?" I asked, frustrated. How could he tell?

"I think I can tell," he said. "I think I know the signs when you're excited. We've had sex a few times and I can gauge your response. You want me."

I considered his answer. I could tell when he was close. I didn't know he had been observing me in return. "Can I play the game, too" I said, trying to stop from begging already. "Can I make you beg, too?"

"You won't make me beg. I'll make you beg," Zaraki assured me. He was grinning at me, full of confidence.

I slid a hand down and began to stroke his sac. At the first touch he thrust into me, hard. I stroked him a few times and then cupped the sac in my hand.

"Unfair tactic," he groaned. Partially withdrawing, his hand moved between my legs, his thumb grazing my clit. My body twitched violently at the contact. I would be begging him any second. I bit down on my lip, hard. Maybe pain would distract me from the delicious feeling his fingers were bringing me. Having made his point, he stopped and removed his hand, pushing himself fully into me again. I wished he hadn't stopped touching me.

I began stroking his sac again, determined to make him beg. In retaliation he began licking my neck.

"Damn you, Zaraki," I tried to say as I felt my passion rise even further. He'd remembered how sensitive it was. The licking made me wriggle around him. His breath caught in his throat and then he licked my neck again. Again I wriggled involuntarily.

Zaraki moved his head down and began sucking the nipple of the other breast. I was so aroused by now that this caused me to wriggle again. I wanted to beg him, but it had become a struggle between us as to who would give in first. I wanted him to beg me.

My wriggling was obviously arousing Zaraki. He moved his mouth up to kiss me, but I couldn't stop squirming. I couldn't control myself. Each movement was bringing me closer, but it was a slower process than I wanted. He sucked my tongue and kissed me passionately, and then dragged his mouth from mine.

"I'm begging you." His voice was urgent and his eyes glittered with lust.

I opened my mouth to beg him in return. "I love you."

I felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice over me when I heard my mouth utter those words. I'd fought against saying them and now they'd escaped me. I clasped my hands over my mouth, but it was too late. Slipping from his embrace, reluctantly, feeling his penis leave my body, I moved as far away from Zaraki as I could. He would demand I left, I was sure.

Zaraki lay there for a moment after my declaration. He then moved to sit on the edge of the bed with his back to me. It was obvious he didn't want to look at me.

It was too late now. I'd said the stupid sodding words. I couldn't touch him, I couldn't apologise. I'd made the biggest mistake of all. Zaraki was silent. After laying there for a few minutes, cursing myself for the fool I was, I rose from the bed. I went into the bathroom and washed my face and then went back into the bedroom and retrieved my uniform and dressed. I avoided looking at Zaraki who was still sitting on the edge of the bed. After I finished dressing, I moved toward the door.

"You can't leave. I have the key," Zaraki's voice reminded me harshly.

"May I have the key? I think I should leave," I replied as calmly as I could, not daring to look at him.

"No, you can't have the key. We have to talk," he said, his face immobile.

"Talking is something we don't do, Zaraki, unless it's about sex. Let me leave, because I sure as I hell won't listen to you. I don't want to hear what you have to say. I didn't mean what I said. I don't love you. How could I love someone like you? I hardly know you. I'm not even sure I like you. I only said that I like you because you bullied me and I wanted sex," I said quickly. "I told you it was over. I think this proves it. Let me leave, now." Maybe I could convince him with my lies, but they sounded false even to my ears.

"I want to talk to you." The heaviness of his voice convinced me that he would tell me it was over.

His words made the familiar pain return. I couldn't let him speak; I wouldn't let him say the words. I wanted to end it this time. I wanted to be the one in control, the one who walked away. I'd hated being the one who had been left behind, "I have nothing to say to you. You know it's over. It was brief and the sex was good. Neither of us expected it would last long."

"I thought it might last at least tonight."

I thought I heard a touch of longing in his voice, but I knew that it was my imagination. It might have been regret at the interrupted sex. That was all it could be. My words had destroyed our agreement.

"Well it didn't. I see no point in staying here any longer. I was only here for the sex. You want to talk. I don't." It was hard to keep the emotion out of my voice. I glanced at him quickly to see if he believed me.

"We could finish the sex." The words were hopeful; the expression on the face was not.

"I don't want that, now. I want to leave," I lied. The lie hurt me as I uttered it. I wanted to finish the sex. I wanted to be held in the shelter of his arms and talk to him, but that was a foolish dream.

Zaraki looked at me for a few minutes, his eyes searching, trying to see what I was feeling. I kept my face as expressionless as possible. He sighed and left the room, returning with a key. "Here," he dropped the key in my outstretched hand. I was pleased his skin did not come into contact with mine. That would have stretched my control to its limit.

"I won't bother you again," I said bitterly. "Our paths rarely cross anyway. You can tell everyone that you tired of me, or whatever. I don't care what you say. It's not important. This was not important and it's over. Bye, Captain Zaraki. It's been fun."

I left the room quickly and unlocked the door. As soon as I left the building, I started to run. I wanted to get home, to wash his scent from my body, to scrub away his touch, remove any reminders. If I was reminded, I would weaken.

Arriving home, I washed as thoroughly as I could, scraping my skin raw, washing and rinsing my hair, trying to remove all evidence of his scent from my skin. Finally I thought I had washed enough. I put on a clean uniform. Moving toward my bed I lay down and looked at the ceiling. I emptied my mind of all thought, concentrating only on my breathing. It was a coping technique I had used when Gin became estranged from me. Sobbing into my pillow night after night didn't help. Not thinking helped, sort of. I would allow myself to wallow in the pain for 10 minutes at a time, and then distract myself from those thoughts.

The meditation wasn't helping, as the pain was too new. This called for other measures. I got the sake and a cup. I preferred the sake warm, but I couldn't be bothered to spend the time for that preparation. Drinking alone wasn't much fun, but I didn't want to be around other people at the moment. My friends would ask questions I didn't want to answer and I wasn't drinking for fun. I was drinking to cover the pain. I drank my first cup, but the pain remained. The second and third didn't help. I drank until the bottle was empty; at least I think I did. I don't remember.

I woke with the sun shining full on my face. I had a hangover. Nausea, headache, dehydration, a rotten taste in my mouth, inability to focus properly, disorientation. Actually, nausea was a mild term to explain the feeling. I ran to the bathroom.

Shaking and sweating, I finally managed to leave the bathroom and lay on the bed. I wasn't going to meet with my captain today. The way I felt; it didn't seem possible that I would be able to leave the room. It had been a long time since I'd experienced a hangover this bad. I tried to remember why I had drunk so much and then I remembered; Zaraki, I had told him I loved him. The memory triggered the nausea again. I returned hurriedly to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Once I'd finished, I washed my face and rinsed out my mouth.

When I emerged from the bathroom it was to find my captain in my room, looking at a book that was open on the table. I hadn't heard him knock, or enter. He looked up as I entered the room. I could see he was not in the best of moods.

"It's late. You were supposed to be helping me today. I went to Captain Zaraki's place, but you weren't there. The captain was surly and uncommunicative, even for him. He almost threw me out when I asked about you. For a second I thought he was going to fight me. I decided you would be here," he commented, his eyes taking in every detail of my appearance. "Did you pick up a virus or something?" Toshiro asked, looking around. He noted the empty sake bottle. "Oh," he said.

"Yes. Oh. I feel awful. I want to spend the day in bed," I said uncomfortably.

"Finished with Zaraki so soon? It's probably for the best," he said soothingly. "I think I'll stay away from 11th Division for the rest of the month or maybe the rest of the year. It'll be too dangerous. I'll let you have today off, but you better be into work early tomorrow. There's a lot to sort out." He folded his arms and looked at me. He was wondering if he could ask any questions. I decided that I would irritate him to prevent him from trying.

"Don't mention Zaraki to me again, please. I made a mistake. I don't want to be reminded." My answer was as curt as I could make it. Toshiro hated it when I was rude to him.

"I would remind you that I am your captain. Don't address me in that manner," Toshiro responded as I expected. His eyes had become a little harder.

"Just leave me alone," I said. "I don't want to talk to anyone about anything." That might be enough to convince him to go. Either that or he would decide to fight me, but it was more likely he would wait until I was in a more convivial frame of mind.

Toshiro glared at me. "I'll overlook that comment. You're always in a bad mood when you have a hangover. I want you in my office at 8.00 am tomorrow. No excuses. I'll overlook your behaviour this once, because of the events in the human world. I'm warning you again; don't let your sex life affect your work."

He left without waiting for an answer. I shut and locked the door behind him. I didn't want any other visitors.

I returned to the bed. My head throbbed. My stomach lurched, even though I knew it was empty. I felt awful and I could feel unwanted tears forming in my eyes. I blinked hard, but blinking did not make the tears go away. Instead they trickled down my cheeks, only to be replaced by new tears.

As I sobbed I realised that there was nothing I could do. I had told Zaraki how I really felt. I wasn't sure if he believed either my declaration of love, or the lies I told afterward. Either my declaration had estranged him, or my words of rejection. I didn't know. Why was I so hopeless at relationships? The resolutions I'd made that I wouldn't fall in love, were broken again. He'd made me break them so easily.

"At least," I reasoned, "it was short term. I spent more time apart from him than I did with him. It shouldn't take too long to get over this."

The logic did not stop the tears. I continued to cry.

The rest of the day did not improve. Trying to distract myself did not help. I tried to read, but all the books I had seemed to mock my situation. I slept for a few hours and awoke crying as I mourned my loss. All I could do was curse my mouth, curse my mind, and most of all, curse my treacherous emotions.

I wanted to forget, but I refused to reach for the sake bottle again. The hangover was too big a price to pay for forgetfulness. One thing I had trouble understanding was why this hurt as much as the time I was recovering from Gin. I hardly knew Zaraki. We'd had sex, but there was little else between us. I could remember his scent, the feel of his body against mine. I remembered his face in the throes of orgasm. I remembered his touch, his voice. Every time I remembered him, I tried to think of something else. I didn't want to think of him. I wanted peace. I wanted control over my emotions again.

At dusk, there was a knock at the door. I ignored it. Whoever it was, knocked again. I put the pillow over my head to block out the sound. The knocking changed to a regular thumping.

"Leave me alone," I yelled at the door.

"I want to talk to you," said Zaraki. "I'm not leaving until I talk to you. Let me in, or I'll break the bloody door."

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	6. The Truth

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine. The only payment I receive is reviews._

**The Truth**

Hearing his voice galvanized me. I moved toward the door without thinking about it. I didn't want to see him, it would be too painful. "I don't want to talk to you," I said huskily, my throat still sore from crying.

"Woman, open the fucking door, or I will break it," he demanded. "I want to talk to you. I will talk to you."

I knew he meant it so I opened the door, slowly. Zaraki looked strange. His hair was still around his shoulders. He wasn't wearing his eye patch or his captain's coat. He pushed the door opened quickly and entered the room, shutting and then locking the door and then he pocketed the key. Turning, he looked at me closely. I noticed his eyes were bloodshot and he was scowling. I hoped I'd removed all evidence of my tears, but knew I did not look my best. Zaraki looked tired.

"You look like crap. Your captain came looking for you earlier. He was surprised you weren't with me," he stated. His gaze was on my face. Not the usual glance that roamed my body as in anticipation of sex. That saddened me and seemed to indicate that my fears were not baseless.

"Your compliments overwhelm me. You look awful, too. I saw my captain," I said moving over to sit on a chair. I didn't feel that I had enough strength to stand. Seeing him had a strange effect on my knees, they didn't seem sturdy enough to hold me upright.

"Yeah. I thought he'd come here." He fell silent and took off his sandals in a deliberate manner.

"Why are you taking off your sandals? You're not staying are you?" I asked. I wished he had just left me alone. Seeing him again made the pain return, stronger than before. I was receiving mixed messages and becoming increasingly confused. Why was he here?

Zaraki did not answer, nor did he look at me.

"Why did you come here, Zaraki?" I demanded. His silence was beginning to annoy me.

"I told you last night and when I was outside. I want to talk to you." His answer appeared casual, but it was apparent that he would stay until he decided he wanted to leave. My feelings in the matter were not to be considered because it was to be what he wanted. He was too accustomed to being in charge.

"I didn't want to talk last night; I don't want to talk now. Leave immediately," I said as bravely as I could. It was a futile effort. I didn't feel brave; I felt very sad.

"I have a few things I want to tell you," he said moving to sit opposite me, still not paying any attention to me.

"I don't want to listen," I said staring at him hard, frowning. We had nothing more to say to each other. The insults I'd hurled at him last night should have made certain that we needed no further conversation.

"You're going to listen. I'm not leaving here until you listen to me." The expression on Zaraki's face was set and stern. It made me nervous.

I didn't want to hear what he would say and couldn't leave my house as he had the key, but I had one place I could hide. I stood. "I'm going to wash. Let yourself out when you're bored," I said and taking a clean uniform I went to the bathroom locking the door.

I washed and tidied up, taking my time then I washed my face with cold water. Looking in the mirror I noticed my eyes were swollen and they felt sore from the tears. I did look like crap, Zaraki was right. After cleaning my teeth and rinsing my mouth I felt a little better. I had not heard Zaraki leave over the noise of the running water, but why would he stay? There was nothing here for him. I hesitated at the door and listened closely. Hearing no noise coming from the other side, I unlocked the door and slowly opened it. Zaraki pushed the door open and grabbed me by the wrist.

"I said that I want to talk to you," he said, dragging me out of the bathroom. "I decided to let you clean up because there's no escape from there. You had to come out eventually and I stayed quiet, waiting. We're going to talk."

"Damn you, Zaraki, I thought you'd gone," I complained, struggling, trying to break his grip, but he was too strong. He pulled me into the main room and pushed me into a chair. The man infuriated me. Did I have no rights in my private quarters? "You want to talk? Don't bother. I'll fill in the words for you. 'Woman, it's been fun, but it was for sex only. That was the agreement. I told you not to expect romance.' You didn't have to come here to tell me that. I already guessed," I said bitterly. The bitterness was all directed at myself. I couldn't look at him.

"I wasn't going to say that," Zaraki said heavily, his hands on my shoulders, making it impossible for me to escape, as he used his foot to hook the chair behind him, moving it close to mine and sitting opposite me. Effectively he had blocked my exit as he was sitting so close.

I swallowed hard. I wanted to touch him; his proximity was making it difficult to restrain my actions. "Was it the, 'We need to take a break" speech?' I asked. "I've already agreed it's over. I don't think a break is a good idea, unless it's permanent." If I was rude enough he might leave or get angry. Did I want him to leave?

"Stop trying to guess what I want to say, Matsumoto. Try something different and frigging listen," he paused and took a deep breath. He was starting to lose his temper.

"I was joking about loving you," I said quickly before he could say anything further. If he brought that up I was unsure if I could deny my feelings this time. I hated lying and I was scared that he would know it was a lie, but he seemed preoccupied and didn't challenge me.

"Shut up! Stop talking and freaking listen," he said raising his voice.

He leant close to me and I drew back from him, surprised at his tone. He looked at me and then looked away. I wanted to keep my eyes on his face but dropped them to my clenched hands. I wished this was over. I wished he would go.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you all day. I couldn't concentrate. You are right. When this began, it was only for the sex," he said, rubbing his face tiredly.

I folded my arms across my body, trying to brace against the pain that was to come. Why couldn't he have left it as it was last night? Why did he have to come here? Seeing him made it so much more difficult. Being this close to him was torture.

"I haven't had many relationships with women that were anything but sex. Make that any. No woman has ever said they loved me," Zaraki took another deep breath and leant back in the chair, shutting his eyes. I wasn't sure why; was he falling asleep?

"I didn't mean it when I said it," I lied. I didn't want to hear what he had to say. At the same time I couldn't ignore his words and the stab of concern at how tired he seemed.

"Shut up. Do you have to interrupt every few minutes?" Zaraki's eyes were now open and glaring at me, his face close to mine. I shut my mouth and glared back at him wanting to yell at him to leave, but not wishing him to go.

"That first time, when I told you I was pretending to care, I found I wasn't pretending. I did care, at least about whether you enjoyed sex with me. You really seemed determined to be difficult, to fight me, but you finally admitted you wanted to fuck me. The way you responded, right from the beginning, when you were pretending to fight me. When I touched your nipple, it became erect immediately. When I touched you between your legs, you were so wet and ready. You enjoyed it that first time. It was hard to believe how much you reacted."

I nodded slowly, feeling my face heat at how willing I had been, while pretending to fight back. Never before had a man made me experience so much sexual pleasure so easily. I glanced at him and noticed he was frowning at the memory.

"After you'd agreed to have sex with me exclusively, I decided to claim you, publicly, because I knew it would be harder for you to escape from me. I didn't ask anyone to fetch you a uniform when we were in the bathhouse, on purpose. I wanted you in my captain's coat, showing everyone you were mine while I carried you to my quarters in my arms as my prize; I'd won you. My division saw and they recognised the claim immediately and word spread, as I'd planned. I wanted to tell your captain about us because that was another claim on you. All of Seireitei know we've had sex. I claimed you again yesterday, as soon as we arrived here. Do you understand that? After the absence, I reclaimed you and I've claimed you in front of your friends. No one has questioned my right to you. They've questioned my choice, but not my right. Everyone else has accepted that claim. Why can't you? I have bound you to me with each claim."

"What is he saying? Claimed me? Am I land or something? Another possession thing? That really annoys me," I thought, but at the same time I felt something else. I felt joy that he wanted to claim me. What the hell was going on in my mind? I belonged to myself. No one had the right to claim me. I was no ones' prize.

I opened my mouth to argue with him but he shook his head, looking intently at me. "When your captain asked those questions about us, that first night, I began to feel uncomfortable. When he asked if we even liked each other, I wanted to tell him I liked you. I didn't understand why. I didn't know you. I still don't know you," he said uncomfortably his eyes fixed on my mouth.

I gasped. He liked me that early on? He'd said it wasn't important. What was he saying? He held up his hand as if asking me not to interrupt and the questions I wanted to ask died on my lips. Then I realised he spoke in the past tense, about the first day. He had liked me then.

"Remember, I asked you if you liked me that night? You didn't give me a real answer. It didn't really matter. We had some great sex." Zaraki paused again and I wondered what he would say next. "I've told you, I'm jealous of your previous lovers. I'm jealous of your friends. When you went to visit your friends last night, I thought you wanted to have sex with one, or more of them. I got angry." His gaze was as intense as his voice. Why did every one suspect that I had sex with my friends? We were friends.

"I don't have sex with any of them. We're friends," I said hotly. "I'd promised to be exclusive and I meant it. I wouldn't betray anyone like that because it would hurt them," I faltered, scared of saying something I didn't wish to reveal.

"How do I know that? You've lied to me before," Zaraki said with an air of frustration. "Your reputation…"

"I know about my reputation," I interrupted. "I know about your reputation. If I believed everything I'd heard about you, do you think I would have come back that first day? You're supposed to be a violent thug. I saw past that. At first you acted so brutally, or so I thought, but it was so arousing. Later, there was gentleness. You act differently when we're alone, to when you're in public." I stopped. I was saying too much. "I don't want to talk anymore. I think you should go. Leave." I tried to push my chair further away from him, but there was no room.

"You are impatient, aren't you?" he observed with a strange look on his face. "Impatient with explanations. Impatient in bed." He looked at me awaiting my reaction.

"You're impatient too. I don't want to talk about it," I said, my anger rising. I didn't want to think about being in bed with him. It was easier to be angry with him as it was too painful to think about what I had lost. I wanted to touch him, be held by him, but the wish was pointless. It was over between us.

"Whenever I've tried to talk to you about feelings, you freeze. When I told you that I cared about you, you froze and pulled away. You only nodded when I asked if you cared about me. When I called you "beloved", you froze again, as if rejecting the endearment. When I asked last night, if you liked me, you ran away. I finally got you to admit you liked me and then you tried to leave," Zaraki paused again and moved closer. Our knees were touching.

The shock of him touching me made me become rigid. How could I escape? I wondered what he was going to say next. He was moving closer, touching me. I hoped…. I stifled the hope before it was born. My anger died and I was shrouded by immense sadness that I had to listen to his complete rejection of my love. That could be the only place he was progressing with this.

"Often when I held you, you would stiffen, as if revolted by my touch. It was when we had sex that you seemed to not be disgusted. That didn't worry me because as you know, I love fucking you," Zaraki told me.

That word "love" reverberated around the room. I did not want to think of the last time that word had been uttered in my presence. I was sure the word was cursed. I shut my eyes, waiting for the final blow. He loved the sex, but he didn't want me.

"Last night, things were a little different from our first night. You stripped me, you took the initiative. You even sucked me. God, that was so good. You kissed me as if you enjoyed kissing me, with passion. Then you left and went to your friends. I couldn't understand what was going on. I wanted to bring you back and just stay inside you as long as possible, before you finally left. I wanted to stamp myself upon you. I knew you would leave, you kept trying to leave. That's why I locked the door. I wanted one more night with you."

I swallowed hard. I opened my mouth to say something but he shook his head again.

"Let me finish woman. I have more to say. When I begged you to let me come, you said those words. I thought you were joking, or trying to make a fool of me. Then you took them back and insulted me. From saying you loved me, to asking how you could love someone like me. For some reason, that hurt. Were you trying to make a fool of me?"

I shook my head. What was he saying? I couldn't understand why Zaraki was talking to me like this. It didn't seem the sort of thing he would do. Perhaps he was trying to tell me something. If he was, I didn't understand.

"I didn't want to let you leave last night, but you were so single-minded about going. If you'd stayed you would have said more words you didn't mean. I didn't want to hear any more words that were meant to hurt and destroy. Damn you woman; why wouldn't you listen to me? I couldn't sleep last night. I couldn't concentrate today. All I can think about is: which version is the truth."

I shrugged. Why did he want to know this now? It was too late and I didn't want to talk about something that should be allowed to die.

"Look at me," Zaraki commanded.

Unwillingly I raised my eyes to his. I didn't want to but my damned emotions forced me to look at the man I had loved and lost so recently.

"Tell me how you feel about me. Do you like me?" Zaraki looked into my eyes and I began to weaken.

"Not this again," I sighed, rubbing my forehead. I didn't want to explore this again; it would only cause me pain and disappointment. "Why is it so vital for you to know?" I didn't want to answer.

"I want to hear the truth," Zaraki's eyes held mine and I couldn't look away. I wanted him here, in my house, touching me, but not under these circumstances.

"I like you," I said reluctantly. "Please leave it at that." Yet again he had that hold on me. Was he such a pitiless bastard that he took pleasure in forcing these confessions?

"No. I want to know about the other thing you said, when I begged you. Was it a joke, or the truth?" He moved closer. His legs were now on either side of mine, touching me. There was no way I could get away from him.

The feel of his warmth and his closeness, the look in his eyes overwhelmed me. I didn't want to be away from him. "It was the truth," I whispered. "But that's not important." Having him close to me was unbearable. I wanted to fling my arms around him and kiss him. What a fool I was.

"Why isn't it important?" Zaraki asked.

"Because you're only interested in the sex. You might like me, you might care about me, and you might even have claimed me, but I love you. I don't know why. I think it's too soon to fall in love, but I have. I don't know you. I don't want to love you. I enjoy the sex. I don't want to love anyone. It hurts too much when it's over. Love leads to betrayal; and loss; and pain." My voice cracked as I said the last few words. The shaming tears were back, trickling down my cheeks. I ignored them.

Zaraki rose to his feet, pulling me with him, and embraced me.

"I don't want you to hold me. I don't want to see you. If I see you I won't be able to control my feelings. I'll say the words again. It will get worse the longer I'm with you. As I know you better, I may love you more. I don't want that. I'd prefer to forget anything happened between us. Leave now, please." I tried to resist his touch as the tears continued to fall. Why was he torturing me this way?

"Did you actually listen to anything I said, woman?" Zaraki demanded. His face was close to mine and I hated the fact he was watching me cry.

I dragged my hand over my face, shamed by my weakness. "Yes, you like me, you've claimed me. I was listening." The tears were slowing down by now. I felt so humiliated by yet another worthless display of emotion.

"Why do you think I've called you beloved?" It seemed a strange question to ask. I'd thought of it in passing, but never really examined his reasons.

I shrugged again. "A sick sense of humour? To shock me? Because you wanted sex? I don't know. Please let me go. Leave."

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" Zaraki seemed to be losing patience with me. His grip tightened.

"Spell out what?" I didn't know what he was talking about. I hoped I knew, but I couldn't allow myself to consider it.

"I love you," Zaraki said slowly.

My head jerked back from shock and I looked into his eyes. He was gazing at me with an expression I had once seen on Gin's face, in the early days, before we became Shinigami.

"You're joking, of course. You don't have to tell me that if you want to have sex. Look we'll make a new arrangement. We'll have sex as often as you want. We just won't talk," I gabbled. He could not have meant it. Zaraki in love with me? It was absurd.

Zaraki bent down and kissed me. Just a gentle lip to lip kiss. The same type of innocent kiss he had given me once before and then refused to tell me why. I found my arms had wrapped around him.

"Why, Zaraki?" I could not prevent the question.

"You're asking questions again? You asked me last time I kissed you like that." The quizzical look he gave me almost made me smile.

"Why?" I wanted an answer this time. I didn't want to listen to any distractions.

"Because of how I feel about you. I'm kissing you like that, because it's more than sex. You kept accusing me of acting strangely. Maybe I was. It doesn't matter."

My mouth gained control and would not accept any instructions from my brain. "I was biting my tongue all last night," I said, the words spilling out of my mouth. "I kept freezing on you because I was fighting my feelings. I wanted to tell you how I felt. I wanted to tell you, but I thought you would remind me of our arrangement. I ran away because I was sure you would tell me to leave, if you knew that I loved you, that I love you. I realised I was in love with you in the human world. When I blurted out those words, I realised I couldn't stay. It hurt too much."

"Why didn't you talk to me last night? Why did we waste a whole night together? I wanted to tell you how I felt. Why did you lie?" Zaraki's lips were close to mine. I wanted to kiss him and forget everything else, but decided if I explained now, he might understand.

"Gin rejected me when I told him I loved him. I'd loved him for so long and I thought he loved me; but he didn't. After I told him, he distanced himself from me. He'd always remind me of his superior status. I lost him when I told him and I never managed to get close to him again. I expected rejection from you. Telling someone you love them gives them power over you. I expected you to use it." I had not told many people this. Being rejected when you told a long time lover how you felt is degrading. I had continued to love Gin, hopelessly, for too long.

"I'm not Ichimaru," Zaraki made the statement with great firmness. I guessed that he hated the thought he was anything like my one time love.

"I know that. You're nothing like him," I said quietly. It was true. Zaraki had very little in common with Gin.

We stood there holding each other. I rested my cheek on his chest, hearing his heart beat. How could he love me? He didn't know me, I didn't know him.

"Are you sure it's not just sex?" he asked.

"I could ask the same of you." How could I believe this man even knew what love felt like? It was just sex.

"I've never wanted a woman more. When you were in the human world it wasn't just the sex, I thought about. We could find out. I'll leave now and we can see how it feels to be apart, again. Give each other time. Meet occasionally, maybe twice a week for a talk or a meal for the first month. Date for a second month. Wait another month or so before we fuck." Zaraki suggested his plan in a calm manner. When had he thought this up?

My heart sank. He'd leave after he'd told me he loved me? Was the guy crazy? I tightened my arms around him. I didn't want him to leave. "Please, don't go," I said quietly.

"Did you think I was serious? Wait three months for a fuck? Are you insane, woman? Can't you feel how hard I am? I'm not leaving here until I've had sex with you, more than once. We've got unfinished business from last night, remember? Now, take your clothes off, or I'll rip them off you," Zaraki pressed himself against me.

"Kiss me," I said.

He kissed me. It was a different experience as I could feel the gentleness mixed with the passion. My lips parted under his and he kissed me deeply, tasting me, arousing me.

"Now will you take off your clothes?" Zaraki was becoming impatient.

"I can't when you are holding me so close," I protested. "You have to take your clothes off too." It seemed he was always asking me to take my clothes off.

"Why don't you take my clothes off?" Zaraki changed tack, still holding me close. Take his clothes off? The man had flipped.

"It takes too long." I remembered the last time I had removed his clothes. That had only been the night before. It seemed further in the past than that with all that happened since.

"Is there a time limit?" he asked, his lips on my neck.

"No." I wanted him to keep kissing my neck.

Zaraki picked me up and carried me into the bedroom. "We're going to do this properly this time."

"I don't understand." Properly? There was a proper method to what? Have sex?

After he placed me on my feet he began to unfasten my uniform. "I'm going to strip you, slowly. And you're going to strip me. We're going to spend the night together, sleeping and fucking, mainly the latter. I am staying here all night and you are not going to leave." He kissed me as he removed the rest of my clothes as fast as he could without ripping them. "Much better," Zaraki said. "Now take my clothes off."

I removed his clothes as quickly as I could. I wanted to be close to him again. "What about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow is tomorrow. Tonight is all I'm interested in, now. Beloved, I need to be inside you. I want to hear you scream my name again."

"You didn't strip me slowly," I complained as he began touching me. Slow took minutes, not the speedy and efficient process he had performed.

"I didn't rip your clothes off. For me that's slowly. You didn't strip me slowly either," Zaraki replied. He picked me up and lay me on the bed where he quickly joined me.

He pulled me close and we lay there facing each other and embracing. The thrill of feeling his skin against mine after trying to force myself to comprehend that we would never touch like this again, made me feel dizzy. I looked into his eyes and saw that he was watching me intently.

"Tell me again, Matsumoto beloved," he requested huskily. He had cupped my cheek in his hand so I could not look away.

"I want you," I wasn't going to tell him quickly. He had made me wait. It was his turn to wait.

"Not that, the other." From his tone he knew I was being deliberately stupid.

"I like you."

He kissed me with passion and then drew his head back, leaving me wanting more. "I want to hear the words again. Tell me."

"I love you," I said feeling my face flush.

He grinned at me and held me close which I did not mind at all. "Which fantasy do you want fulfil now?" he asked, lecherously.

I could feel his erection hard against me and wondered what he meant. Fantasy? He was going to let me fulfil my sexual fantasy? But which one? I thought for a moment. Zaraki began touching my breasts, flat palming my nipples as I thought and it made those thought processes just a little more difficult. "There are three fantasies I want to fulfil that have been driving me crazy. I'll tell you what they are and you can choose," I said.

"Mnmn. Three in particular? Interesting. Tell me," he said as he trailed his fingers down my back as he licked my neck. It distracted me for a moment.

"I want you to come in my mouth," I said.

"Only if I'm licking you at the time, making you come with my tongue and mouth," he bargained.

His words brought a flush of desire that made my throat tighten. I wanted that so much.

"Come on, tell me the second fantasy," he prompted me.

I gulped. This was one I had fantasised about a number of times. "I fantasised about being on top, being in control during sex," I admitted knowing he liked to be the one in control, or driving me to lose control, or both.

Zaraki kissed me lingeringly. "I'm not sure which fantasy I like more," he said. "And the last fantasy?"

"Having you yell my name as you come," I murmured, ashamed that I was actually admitting it.

Zaraki considered the requests for a few minutes as his hand stroked my stomach, not straying any further, but exciting me all the same. "We could combine two of the fantasies, or do you want them separate?"

"Two together; but which two?" I asked enthusiastically. Maybe he would make a quick decision and we could be enjoying each other soon. I was beginning to feel a little needy for him. Okay, I wanted him.

"I want to be inside you, now. We didn't finish last night and I want to feel you around me again," he said his hand finally moving lower than my stomach and slipping between my folds. "You can be on top."

I hesitated. I wanted to do this so much, but felt unexpectedly shy.

"Beloved. You want me, don't you?" Zaraki asked, taking my hand and placing it on his erection.

Feeling the hard, hot flesh under my hand made my mouth dry. I had to do this now. Zaraki obligingly rolled onto his back and I got astride him. Before I did anything, I bent down and kissed him. His tongue entered my mouth, searching, seeking the places he's touched before that had aroused me. As we kissed I took his erection in my hand and positioned it below me. I eased the head into me, feeling his heat as he entered me. I groaned into his mouth as I slid down further. I dragged my mouth from his and concentrated on feeling his length slide into me until he was completely enclosed. I didn't move for a few minutes, savouring the satisfaction. I'd wanted this, so much.

His hands had again moved to my breasts. "Move closer," he urged. "I want to suck your breasts."

I moved my body forward and his lips grabbed one of my nipples, sucking hard. I lifted my body up and slid down feeling him penetrate me fully. I repeated this, over while he continued to suck my breast, making it hard for me to keep the rhythm. The next time I lifted my body, he thrust up hard, drawing a gasp from me as he plunged deep into me. It was unexpected and so welcome. His mouth left my breast as he thrust into me again as I lifted my body. This was so arousing.

"I like this, Matsumoto. Keep moving. I like the way you react when I do this," he said, breathing hard, while repeating the action.

I was losing control again. I wanted to be in charge, just taking all the pleasure I could. He'd made me so aroused with all of his activities, the touching and the kissing. "Hell Zaraki. I thought I was supposed to be in control," I gasped.

"You know I prefer it when you're out of control. Looking at you on top, it's so right." He thrust into me again, hard.

Trying to restore some influence, I rocked my body on his, feeling his full length in me. He put his hands on my hips and lifted me so he could commence thrusting into me again.

"The rocking feels good, but it's not enough to make you lose control," he panted as he pushed upward again.

He was correct. I began to move, anticipating his thrusts. He was so good at touching me in the right places. One final thrust and I lost all restraint. "Zaraki," I screamed as I came, my body shuddering with pleasure.

He pushed into me twice more and shuddered underneath me, "Matsumoto, beloved," he said as he came.

I lay on top of him, exhausted, and he folded his arms around me. "You didn't yell," I said when I recovered my breath.

"We'll have to try again," he said still breathing heavily. "Why haven't you kissed me?"

I moved so I could kiss him. He kissed me gently in return.

"I like your fantasies, but next time, it's my choice," he said as he slowly stroked my back.

"You can choose next time," I agreed wondering what possible fantasy he would want to choose. I didn't really care as long as it involved sex with him.

"Not planning on running away again, or visiting your friends?" Zaraki asked his mouth near my ear.

"No. Not tonight," I replied sleepily. I was still tired. I felt comfortable in his embrace and didn't want to move because it was still hard for me to believe that he was here and in love with me. I didn't want to be anywhere else. I shut my eyes and snuggled close.

"You're not going to sleep already. We've only had sex once tonight. Wake up," he ordered, easing me onto the bed and tickling me lightly.

"I drank too much last night," I said yawning. "I'm tired. I don't like being tickled and stop ordering me around."

"I like ordering you around. Are you too tired for me?" Zaraki asked his hands had ceased tickling me and were roaming over my body. "Remember what happened last time you went to sleep when I wanted you awake?"

"I remember," I said, feeling a twinge of arousal from his touches and the memory. The man had made me want him so much and then held out on me. "You tormented me."

"It wasn't torment. I was just teaching you a lesson. I remember I did this," he said, moving me off his body and onto the bed as his mouth sought my breast.

The feeling of his mouth and tongue woke me even more, as his hand moved between my legs. I had thought that my lust had been sated but it was now fully back in force. "More," I said.

Zaraki stopped. "I thought that might wake you up," he commented. "We still haven't fulfilled my other fantasy from last night."

I opened my eyes wide and stared at him. Last night's little attempt had resulted in one of the worst days of my life, but at least now we knew how we felt about each other. "You still want to do that?"

"More than ever. Now that you finally admitted you love me, I want to make you miss my absence," he said and stretched. I watched the muscles move as he stretched. I still couldn't believe he had told me he loved me and he was in my bed. "Do you want to screw for hours?"

As much as I wanted that, there was something I had to say to him before we went any further. It was important, at least to me. "Zaraki?" I was a little nervous about how he would react to my request.

"Yes." He looked at me warily. I wondered what he expected me to say. He knew I loved him.

"I'm hungry." It had been so long since I ate and the drinking hadn't helped. Now I felt ravenous for food.

"Hungry for sex?" he asked laconically.

"Always." Then I paused. "But right now I'm hungry for food. I haven't eaten since we arrived back."

Zaraki started laughing. "You're hungry. I offer you sex and you want to eat?" He stopped laughing, abruptly and gazed at me steadily an eyebrow cocked. "It's not an excuse to try to leave?"

"I don't know if I have any food," I admitted. I hadn't checked. My interest in food had gone until now but if I didn't eat soon I thought I might pass out. Any minute and my stomach would growl loudly.

Zaraki rose, from the bed, removed the key from his coat pocket and went to the front door, naked. I listened to the conversation. "Ikkaku. Oh stop staring, Yumichika. Yeah, I'm naked, so what? Get some food, fast, and then you can go. I'll be here all night." I heard him shut the front door and return to the room.

"I thought you arrived here alone. Who else is out there and why did you bring them?" I asked. Why did he bring anyone? Couldn't the man go anywhere by himself?

"I wanted to make sure you didn't leave. I just brought Ikkaku and Yumichika. I thought they were the best choice. You know them," Zaraki admitted slightly shamefaced.

"Yes, as your spies. Zaraki, why did you do that?" I asked.

"Do what exactly?" Zaraki asked.

I looked at him. He was standing beside the bed looking down at me. I liked looking at him naked. "Why did you go to the door, naked?"

He grinned down at me. "Another claim woman. Yumichika and Ikkaku saw me naked in your quarters and would immediately guess, correctly, we were having sex. That should dispel any other rumours."

"I suppose you want me to answer the door, naked, when they bring the food," I teased not prepared to do so, but wanting to see whether he would accept the offer.

Zaraki bent over me, placing his hands on my shoulders and scowled. "You will not be answering the door naked. No one is permitted to see you naked from now on, except me. I thought I explained it. Exclusive."

I glared at him and then sat up and grabbed him. I brought his face to mine, kissing him passionately, while running my hand over his chest and then lower. I felt his penis stiffen at my touch. He sat on the bed beside me and returned my kiss holding my face between his hands, keeping my head steady as his tongue plundered my mouth. I suddenly wasn't hungry, except for Zaraki. I pulled my mouth from his.

"Is there enough time?" I began.

"Not for what I want. Woman, why did you start something I have to wait to finish?" Zaraki's hands were moving lower and I felt them on my breasts.

"You started it by opening the front door while you were naked. I don't want anyone else seeing you the way I do," I said. Why should he make all the rules?

"Jealousy," Zaraki said. "Good."

His hands caressed my waist and then my hip and I began to touch him in return.

"You'd better eat quickly," he said as his hand wandered even lower, making me move against his fingers, wanting more.

"I will. I've suddenly found an appetite for something else," I replied.

He kissed me again and pushed me down on the bed. "Maybe there is enough time," he said. "Not for what I was hoping for, but maybe we could do something else."

Eagerly I parted my legs and Zaraki knelt between. He pushed into me hard and fast. I arched against him, overcome by the speed.

"That feels so good," I gasped.

He withdrew slightly and pushed back in again.

"More," I demanded. Would there be enough time?

There was a knock at the door. "Damn," Zaraki said. He withdrew reluctantly. "I'd better answer that."

"Put on some clothes before you answer the door. You don't want to frighten anyone. Please," I asked, touching him lingeringly. I didn't care about the food anymore.

The "please" softened him and he kissed me tenderly on the forehead. "I don't want to put my uniform back on." He grabbed a sheet from the bed and wrapped it around his waist. "Is that better?" he asked.

The sheet concealed his erection, barely. I nodded as I heard another knock on the door. Zaraki went to answer it.

I heard the conversation.

"Oh, you're wearing something now," Yumichika said.

"It's a good thing too. How many people did you tell along the way? I see a few of them followed you," Zaraki raised his voice. "Nothing to see here. I have deferred to the demands of modesty. Now could you all bugger off?"

"What are you wearing?" Ikkaku asked a note of laughter in his voice.

"What sort of stupid question is that? It's a sheet. Oh, hell, just give me the food and go. Next time, keep your mouth shut. I didn't want an audience."

"See you tomorrow, Captain. Do you want us to drop by in the morning?" Yumichika tried to sound serious, but I could hear the suppressed amusement in his voice.

"No! I'll turn up when I'm ready." Zaraki shut the door and entered the bedroom bearing a box.

"I have no idea what this is," he said as he looked at the box uncertainly as if wondering what would be inside.

"I think it was a good idea that you wore the sheet," I observed smiling at him. His erection was still noticeable. I didn't want to think of what would have happened if he hadn't worn the sheet.

"Yeah. There were a lot of people outside. Don't know what they expected to see," Zaraki said, frowning at the thought.

"Zaraki, naked, of course," I replied. The answer was obvious to me. I was the only one who should be allowed to see him like that.

"Well, that's more people who know where I'm spending tonight. Face it beloved. You can't escape me, now."

"Fine, I don't want to. Can we eat?" The sooner we ate, the sooner we could have sex.

Zaraki gave me the box. "Here. Gorge yourself, if it makes you happy."

I opened the package. The contents seemed a little unusual. "Um, Zaraki. I think there's been some kind of mistake," I said looking inside.

Note:

Thanks to the people who have reviewed so far.

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	7. The Question

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Question.**

Zaraki moved close and looked in the box, curiously. He raised his brow and said, "It's just food. What's the problem?"

I placed the contents of the box on the bedside table. "I know Yumichika and Ikkaku have a sense of humour," I said. "Look at the food they brought."

Zaraki sat next to me, his thigh hard against mine and looked in the box. The touch of his skin against mine was more than welcome. I knew I had to eat, but I was going to eat fast. "It still looks like food to me. I'll ask again: What's the problem?"

"Look. Tai-no-shioyaki (grilled sea bream), Kobumaki (simmered kombu rolls), salted Kazukono (herring roe), Sekihan (red azuki beans rice), Ushio-jiru (Clam soup) and Tai-no-shashimi (raw sea bream slices). Does that tell you anything?" I thought naming the food would explain everything. Even just a few of those items would have been an indication of something, but to have so many together! I wondered how Ikkaku and Yumichika had obtained this combination at such short notice.

"They remembered I don't like natto?" Zaraki guessed. He was frowning at the food while rubbing his head, not understanding.

"Zaraki, think!" It seemed so obvious to me. How could he not know?

Zaraki thought for a moment and shook his head. "It means nothing to me. Are you going to eat this? I have other things I want to do instead of talking about food or playing guessing games." His hand ran down my back slowly his eyes on me, not the food.

I moved away, a little, before I became sidetracked. I wanted to be sidetracked, but I was resisting. "This food is traditionally served at weddings," I enlightened him.

"So? Oh, wait a minute. You mean Ikkaku and Yumichika deliberately went and chose this food? It must be a fluke. Why is it important?" There was a strange look on Zaraki's face. He was staring at the food, not like it was food but something else. I didn't want to know what that look might bode. I hoped he wouldn't be too angry with his spies.

"It doesn't matter. I'm hungry." I started sipping the soup while it was still hot. It tasted good as the liquid slid down my throat, warming me, but not as much as being near Zaraki heated my blood.

Zaraki picked up the other container of clam soup. "If I'm staying here the night, I'd better eat," he observed. "I haven't eaten since we came back. I think I lost my appetite. Food didn't seem important."

I looked at Zaraki who was quickly swallowing the soup. He had almost finished the contents in two long gulps. "Do you mean you haven't slept or eaten since we arrived back?" I marvelled.

Zaraki frowned at me fiercely and picked up some herring roe, gulping it down, fast. I was not certain if the speed of his eating was an indication on hunger or lust. "It's not important if I've eaten or slept, woman. Eat, quickly. I want to do something on this bed other than eat."

I drank the soup and ate some of the food. I didn't want to think about the future, except for the sex. I didn't want to think about why Zaraki's friends had provided this particular meal. Zaraki watched me eating and I watched him eat. He seemed hungry, quickly consuming rice and beans, choosing some of each selection that had been provided. My eyes were drawn to his mouth and I shivered as I remembered the things he could do to me with his lips. He finished the last piece of grilled sea bream. Watching his tongue emerge from his mouth to lick his fingers I couldn't resist him anymore.

"I've had enough." Suddenly my hunger for food had vanished. I leant across and kissed the mouth I had been watching so avidly. His tongue found its way past my lips and into the sanctum of my mouth.

Zaraki quickly took off the sheet and pushed me down on the bed, entering me quickly. "Good," he said, "because watching you eat, made me hungry for you," he growled once he had penetrated me fully. "We were interrupted before. I don't want to be interrupted again." He kissed me firmly as his body moved into mine, hard and fast.

I remembered his promise before my desire for food had overwhelmed my desire for him. "This isn't what you promised earlier," I said panting hard. "I think I prefer this." I didn't care; I just wanted to be joined with him.

"Promise. You keep talking about the promise." He rolled onto his side and pulled me with him so I was facing him. "We'll play this game, for the moment." He stopped all movement and we lay there, my hand stroking his chest, loving the feeling of being close to him.

"If it's a game, you made up the rules." He had made the original suggestion for this type of sex. I'd hoped to fulfil another of his fantasies because I thought we both might enjoy it.

"It's not a game. I want you to feel an absence when I'm not inside you. I want you to lust for me, to be driven crazy by desire for me." His voice was rough as he pushed a little further inside me.

His face was inches from mine and I yearned for his lips on mine. "What more can I say, Zaraki? I can't stop thinking about you, about how you make me feel. I want you to feel my absence when you're not deep inside me." Why were we having this conversation? It seemed ridiculous.

We lay together, entwined as I felt his chest rise and fall against mine as he looked past my head, seemingly lost in thought. "I don't want to love you," he said almost conversationally. "Love doesn't enter into my plans. It complicates things. Makes me vulnerable"

"Do you think I want to love you?" I was stung by his comments. He loved me, but didn't want to love me? That hurt me, but I had to admit secretly I felt the same. I had never wanted to love him, or anyone, again.

"I don't want to love you, but I have to love you. It's too late to change everything. I'm not sure I like all of it. I like the sex. It really enhances the sex, but all the other stuff? Not being able to sleep. Loss of appetite. That's a frigging nightmare. How long does this last?" Asking the question seemed to make Zaraki feel uncomfortable. He looked at me intently as he thrust into me once.

My body responded to his thrust but I wasn't sure if how to react to his words. "What are you saying, Zaraki? Haven't you felt like this before?"

"Felt like this before? Why would I feel like this before? I said it's a nightmare. Can't think straight. My thoughts keep returning to you. It plays havoc with strategy and planning. It was pretty bad while you were in the human world, but once I saw you again it got worse. I want to be inside you, fucking you all the time," Zaraki's words hurt, excited and intrigued me.

I drew in a deep breath. "Are you saying I'm the first woman you've ever loved?" That seemed difficult to believe. He must have loved someone else. No one could be his age and fall in love, so quickly, for the first time.

"Damn you woman. Do you listen to what I say? Or course you're the first woman I've ever loved." Zaraki began to thrust into me. "Do you want to know everything?"

"Of course. I thought you knew that." Our conversation was again becoming bizarre. I shut my eyes, wanting to just experience the feeling. I was really enjoying how he was moving and kissed him hungrily. He paused as he kissed me in return, cupping my chin in his fingers as he pillaged my mouth.

"Now beg me Matsumoto. I want you to beg me again." Zaraki urged me after the kiss finished. His hands were holding my breasts, his thumbs running over the nipples as the rest of his body remained motionless.

"I'm not ready to beg. You begged last time. You were about to lose control. I wish you had." I wasn't quite ready to beg. Not yet.

Zaraki lay still, his thumbs still moving, made me ache with longing. "You beg me. You begged me before, in the bath house. It makes me hot for you when you beg. I know you really want me."

"I want you. You know I want you. I want you more than any other man. I feel more for you than I did for Gin." I started to move on him again, wanting the action, wanting to lose myself in the passion I felt for him.

"So you say. It's easy to say the words." Zaraki lay there immobile as I moved against him. His expression was unreadable. He had seemed to freeze when I talked.

I became motionless. I didn't know what was going on. Zaraki was acting strangely. I wondered if it was the mention of my former lover. "What is it, Zaraki? I'm not lying. I don't want anyone but you."

"What if Ichimaru came back? You admitted you loved him for years. What then?" Zaraki's voice was harsh and the words sounded as if they were forced out. He was refusing to meet my eyes with his.

I was startled at the question. Once maybe, the first day with Zaraki, I might have been torn. Now things were different. I loved Zaraki. Why would I return to Gin? He'd rejected me when I needed him. The man I was lying with had told me he loved me, and had made me feel all those repressed desires that I had denied for so long. Gin was no loss.

"What about all your previous lovers? What if any of them wanted you back? You say you love me now, but if one of them came sniffing around, how long would it be before you told me it was over?" Even though he was deep inside me, Zaraki sounded and acted like he was miles away.

I pondered the answer. Should I move away from him, or should I ask him to leave? "How many lovers do you think I've had?" I knew he wanted to know, but for some reason he was reticent about asking the question.

"I don't know. 50? 100? You don't have to tell me. I won't reject you. Tell me." Zaraki was demanding the answer, now he thought he had a chance. He had moved away from me slightly.

"How many lovers have you had, Zaraki? If we are to be honest, I think you should answer first." I wanted to know the answer. I didn't want to know the answer. The answer didn't matter. It did matter. I was mystified at the way my thoughts were running.

Zaraki pulled me close and began to push into me again. He did not speak. While I knew he was trying to distract me, I enjoyed the way he was doing it. I wrapped my arms around him, wanting him to continue but my mouth was not so cooperative. "Are you going to answer me, Zaraki?" I barely contained the moan as I said the words.

"Are you going to answer me, Matsumoto?" Zaraki's eyes caught mine in a stare that seemed both fierce and wondering.

I decided to be honest. I had promised not to lie and I hoped that he trusted me enough to accept what I was going to say. "You are the fourth man I've had sex with, and the second man I've loved." Saying the words aloud sounded ridiculous.

"I told you I hate it when you lie," Zaraki grated. His movements stilled and his expression became sober. He didn't believe me.

"Why does everyone assume I've had many lovers? Do you want to know their names? Is it important to you?" I was becoming angry again. He didn't believe me. He told me he loved me but he didn't trust me. Was that love? "I've had sex with Gin, Aizen, Renji a few times, and you. That's it."

Zaraki crushed me close to his chest and I couldn't see his face. "You had sex with Gin and Aizen? At the same time?"

I could barely breathe he was holding me so close, but the embrace contained little warmth. "Not at the same time. You must really have a low opinion of me. I had sex with Aizen once and I don't want to go into the reasons. It was a bad experience. I don't want to remember."

"Please don't let him ask," I silently pleaded to whatever deity might be listening. "Please make him think about something else."

"I want to know the reason you fucked Aizen. You will tell me, or I will leave." Zaraki was still holding me when he made this threat. At least his arms were around me, but the embrace was no longer loving.

I resisted telling him. I didn't want him to know. His inability to accept the truth made him like the others; the people who would prefer to believe their own stories, their own theories, and spread unfounded rumours, rather than listen and try to understand the whole situation.

"Tell me." Zaraki was gradually moving away from me. He had withdrawn from me and I felt desolate. I didn't want to tell him. I wanted him to accept my words and not question me anymore.

"I don't want to tell you. I don't want you to know that I was a fool. I made an error in judgement and I am ashamed that I was so stupid. You won't understand and then you'll hate me." The shame I felt at the potential revelation made me feel slightly sick. I wanted Zaraki to hold me close, his body a reassurance against the memory.

"Last chance." Zaraki's face seemed to be carved out of stone, his eyes as hard as his expression. I remembered another face looking at me like that. Zaraki may have still been holding me, but I felt alone.

I didn't want him to go. I hated him at that moment for his demands but I would tell him; it was a mistake, but he insisted on knowing. I gulped, knowing that once I had spoken this would change everything between us and it might mean that he would leave, disgusted by my imprudent behaviour. "I met Aizen one day when I was feeling sad." Zaraki released his hold on me and slid across the bed, away from me. It surprised me he had not done so before. "He asked me what was wrong but I wouldn't tell him. He guessed I was missing Gin, and Aizen told me that he would talk to Gin on my behalf as it was obvious that I pined for him. He said that as Gin was once his lieutenant he might be able to convince him that we should get back together. I believed him. I was so gullible. He told me he would meet me in my quarters and let me know how Gin reacted. I still have trouble believing that I agreed." Tears started leaking down my cheeks.

"Continue," Zaraki said curtly, ignoring my tears, not even looking at me.

"He came back and told me that Gin never wanted to see me again. I later found out he hadn't talked to Gin at all. At the time I believed him. It was bad. I cried. Aizen seemed to be concerned. He held me while I cried. Eventually he kissed me on the forehead in a paternal way and then took me into the bedroom, telling me I should lie down as I was so upset. I thought he cared for me. In the bedroom he helped me undress and then, holding me down on the bed, raped me, viciously. He held me by the throat throughout. I know he enjoyed it. He told me how much he liked it." I couldn't say any more as the tears choked my words.

I think I heard Zaraki's harsh intake of air, but he did not say anything. The rejection hurt, but I had expected it. This was one of the reasons I hadn't wished to talk of past lovers with anyone. I lay there silently crying. The memory of the rape and the rejection by Zaraki made my heart ache. Before I told Zaraki I loved him, I should have told him my past. I waited for him to leave.

The silence continued, but Zaraki did not move. He did not leave, nor did he say anything.

At length I gained control of my tears. I wiped my eyes on the back of my hand and glanced toward Zaraki who was sitting on the bed, looking at me. I could not read his expression. "You can go. You don't have to stay. I'd hoped that you would never find out, but you insisted I tell you. Do you want all the details? I can remember them clearly, if you really want to know."

Zaraki shook his head, but continued his silence.

I sat up and hugged my knees. Rather than have him ask, I thought I'd quickly tell him the rest. I would not provide the details of the rape; that was something I still had trouble facing. The aftermath of the rape had been traumatic but the memory still gave me nightmares where I woke up choking. "I couldn't tell anyone. Why would they believe that kindly Captain Aizen had raped me? I'm not sure I would have believed it. Aizen told Gin that I'd begged him for sex and that was it, as far as Gin was concerned. He didn't ever really look at me after that and wouldn't talk to me except if it was on business. It was just as well. I couldn't have handled it if he'd touched me." I fell silent. There was no point in saying anything else. I shut my eyes, trying to shut out the harsh memories. After this I would need time to readjust. Zaraki would be leaving soon and I wanted the peace.

I felt the bed shift under Zaraki's weight and his hands gently grasped mine. Opening my eyes I saw that Zaraki had kept his distance but was now holding my hands gently in his own.

"If that prick was here I'd rip his guts out and make him eat them," he said eventually. His voice was hoarse while his hands continued to hold mine.

"Which prick? Aren't you going to leave? You moved away fast enough once you'd heard about Aizen." I didn't want his pity. I wanted his love.

"Aizen. Gin. Both of them. Why would I leave? Hearing what you said made me feel bad because of how we first had sex. Damn it, Matsumoto. How was I supposed to know?" Zaraki seemed to be angry but I wasn't sure to whom the anger was directed.

"You weren't. I don't want people to know. The first time with you, for a brief moment reminded me of Aizen, but your hand was on my throat only seconds. When you saw you were causing me pain, you stopped immediately. It made Aizen laugh when he hurt me and continued to hurt me. I wanted you so much, I didn't want him at all. I lied to myself about it, but couldn't deny my need. You still had sex with me, but you tried not to hurt me. You made sure, disinterested though you seemed to be, that I enjoyed it. Yes, you took advantage of a situation, but I caused the situation. As you said, I could have stopped you earlier, but I didn't." I thought I'd said enough.

Zaraki listened to my words thoughtfully. He seemed to be thinking about what he should say. "So, how did you get over it? You don't seem to mind me touching you. You enjoy sex. What or who helped you get over the rape?"

"Two things. My friends. I've never told them what happened, and they never asked. I was too ashamed at my stupidity. If I told them, I was scared I would lose their respect. They were there for me. They'd comfort me when I cried for no reason. As you've noticed they're men. They would hold me when I was scared, not wanting anything in return except friendship. At first I couldn't let them near me, but they kept talking to me, just being their normal selves. One day when I was crying at home, Captain Ukitake came by to talk and offered me his shoulder. He didn't touch me, but let me touch him just let me hold him while I cried. He had to go home and change his uniform afterward because I cried so much. That was the first turning point. It took a long time but I became comfortable with my friends after that. They've always been so gentle with me. I think some of them guessed something happened, but they never asked. That helped." I paused, remembering all the kindness I had been shown.

"And the second," Zaraki prompted. His hands were warming me as he held my cold hands within his. I needed that so badly because remembering the rape made me feel so cold and dead inside.

"Renji. Renji and I got drunk one night."

"I don't understand. How did that help?" Zaraki was frowning and shaking his head. I didn't really want to explain, but I knew he would insist.

"Despite his behaviour, Renji is really a very compassionate guy. When I said we got drunk I drank much more than he did. I wanted to try to have sex again so I drank a lot because I was scared of sex. Renji was interested and we kissed. While we were kissing, he noticed my reactions were odd and he asked me what was wrong, so I told him. If I had been sober I would never have mentioned it." I stopped, remembering his reaction. Renji believed me but didn't know what to do. Aizen had been his previous captain and Renji knew the respect in which he was held. At the time he was in 11th Division. He was angry at his inability to act.

"What happened after you talked?" Zaraki's question was quiet, but intense. I had to tell him the rest.

"If it hadn't been for my friends it wouldn't have happened. They started the process by treating me like caring brothers treat an injured sister. Renji treated me like a desirable woman. The first night Renji didn't try to have sex with me. He was very gentle and held me for hours, talking about unimportant things, telling me stupid jokes, until I began to relax. He was aroused, he didn't try to hide it but he didn't try to compel me. Just kissed me, held me, and allowed me to get used to feeling a man's body close to mine. We slept together that night, just slept, nothing more. I think he must have been through that with someone else because he seemed to know how to make me loosen up. I found it very difficult. The next night he showed up at my place and made me drink enough to relax, but not become drunk. Once I was relaxed, he undressed us both and held me again, his body against mine. After a while he began to fondle me, very gently. He was patient. After a while I noticed I began to welcome his hands, rather than flinch from them. We didn't have sex, but eventually, he made me come. I was so happy, I cried. I thought Aizen had taken that from me, my ability to enjoy sex. I'd been celibate for a long time until Renji. The next night Renji and I had sex properly. It was a revelation."

"Then why are you with me and not with Abarai?"

"I didn't love Renji, except as a friend. He's a good lover, but I prefer you. I love you. Our affair fizzled out quickly because I knew Renji loved someone else. I asked him why he helped me and he just made goofy faces at me and said he always wanted to see what I looked like naked. At the time he had been warned against approaching the person he really loved, and he was feeling lonely. We were friends. He's still a good friend. Now, please I don't want to talk of this anymore."

A frown furrowed Zaraki's brow. "Who does Abarai love?" he demanded.

"Rukia, of course. I thought everyone knew that. You can leave now your curiosity is satisfied." I sighed, trying to remove my hands from his.

Zaraki lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my palm. "Why would I want to leave?"

"I saw your reaction when I told you I was raped." Was his memory really that short? He didn't want a person who was scarred by that experience; or a person who had lain, even unwillingly, with two of the traitors.

"I reacted because of how we first had sex. I felt guilty. I hate that." He was frowning again and his eyes would not meet mine.

"Hell Zaraki. I needed you to hold me. I needed comfort when I told you." It struck me how unaware Zaraki was. He didn't seem to know much about women, except how to please them sexually.

At my words, Zaraki let go of my hand and gathered me to him. "Matsumoto, beloved. I'm not good at this love crap. I don't know about relationships. I even hate the sound of the word. We are not having a relationship, understand? I don't know what it is, but I won't use that word."

"I don't know either." My head was resting against his chest. I again could hear the regular thud of his heart beating as he held me.

"If I meet Aizen, I promise I will kill the evil bastard slowly."

"That's not what I want. I don't want to think about him. I want to lose myself so completely in another person that the past seems inconsequential. I thought for a moment that you might help me lose myself." I hesitated before I said the last few words.

"Why aren't I the one?" Zaraki seemed unhappy with my comments.

"How can I tell? We hardly know each other. We don't know how to act with each other." I felt like crying. I was killing our affair all over again.

"Bloody hell, woman. I love you. Isn't that enough? What more do you want?" Zaraki seemed genuinely confused at my words. He kissed me, a gentle sweet kiss. The kiss seemed to say all the things Zaraki could not.

"Now do you understand?" he said once the kiss was finished. "I don't give a fuck how long we've known each other, or if this is a mistake, or any of the other stupid obstacles you can think of. I am in your life now. You can't make me leave. I'm in your bed and I'm staying. You are staying in my arms. I'm keeping you here until you tell me you love me and we fuck." I looked at him and saw that he was serious. He tightened his arms around me when I moved. "I'm not letting go."

I knew from my brief experience that there was no point in delaying what would inevitably happen. "I love you, Zaraki."

"Don't forget it. You stay with me."

"Until you're bored," I hastily interjected. That had been the case all along. Until Zaraki became bored. I loved him. He said he loved me. How would I keep him interested?

"You'll just have to make sure I don't get bored, won't you? That should keep you busy. We have to make a decision".

"What is it?" I didn't feel like making any decisions. I just wanted to feel his arms around me. I still didn't believe he was here.

"I think we have to decide if we want to continue what we started or if we should avoid it. Each time we've tried to lie together until one of us begs the other, something happens." I wasn't sure if he was joking. He was right. The first time we lay together I had confessed. Maybe it was better just to give into passion.

"We could try it again and you could tell me about your lovers," I grinned wickedly, knowing that he wouldn't want to tell me anything tonight.

Zaraki lowered his head and kissed me lingeringly. "No. Now, do you want to sleep or do you want to screw?"

"Sleep," I said for the pleasure of watching his expression. He did not seem happy at my decision.

"Are you sure? I thought we had unfinished business." His hands had strayed to my breasts and I noticed a new tenderness in his touch. He was careful to caress me gently.

"I won't break, Zaraki. We've had sex a few times. I think I can cope with your normal handling." I felt like teasing him as my hand stole downwards to caress his erection.

"If you want, we can fulfil another of your fantasies tonight. You can suck me, but I have to have full access to you while you do it. Is that what you want?" The offer was made as if he were conferring a great favour.

I became immediately aroused at the thought. I loved it when Zaraki licked me. I became wet just thinking about his tongue tasting me while I tasted him.

"You get on top. I want to start licking you now. Come on. You know you want me to do this."

I quickly got onto my knees and moved astride Zaraki and I lowered my mouth to his engorged penis. As I started to take him in my mouth he parted my nether lips and started to lick me slowly, lingeringly. For a moment I was distracted by how good his tongue felt, but then became absorbed by how his penis felt in my mouth.

I remembered from last time how large he was so I began to run my tongue around the head of his penis, noticing it seemed to swell under my tongue. I grasped the base in my hand to keep it steady as I ran my tongue down the length, grazing his sac and then sliding my tongue slowly up to the top. I repeated this process until I had licked all of his length and width, marvelling at how much there was to service.

Zaraki avoided my clitoris at first. His tongue explored the rest, touching here, licking there. I could feel his fingers touching me as well as his tongue. Then he slowly using just the tip of his tongue licked my entrance. I gasped for a moment as I felt it slide in, just a little. I had to pause to recover my breath before I could continue but he must have decided he liked the reaction because he pushed it in again, just a little further. I almost gave in and begged him immediately, but that would have spoiled the game.

At the same time I was licking his penis, savouring the feel of it against my tongue. I tried to concentrate on what I was doing, but I kept becoming distracted by his tongue. Finally I stretched my mouth wide and started sucking him. When I took the head of his penis in my mouth, he stopped licking me long enough to groan. I alternated, between sucking and licking, knowing he was enjoying it.

Zaraki stopped toying with me. His lips sought my clit and he alternately began to suck me gently, a finger tormentingly lingering over the entrance, not entering, just pretending to enter me and then pulling back. My vision started to blur and I began to have trouble concentrating. He was touching me in all the right places.

"Tell me you want to come." I hadn't expected him to talk to me.

"Only if you tell me the same. I want you to come." I had to remove him from my mouth to answer but quickly began sucking him again, wanting to feel him against my tongue. Almost as if he took this as a sign, Zaraki began to push his penis in and out of my mouth. I continued to lick him as he did that, as much as possible. At the same time he began to suck me harder. I clamped my mouth on his penis and began to move my mouth up and down in a frenzied pace. My hands caressed his balls which had tightened and I knew he was so close.

With a yell of "Matsumoto" Zaraki came in my mouth, his juices flooding it. I swallowed, enjoying the taste and the power. I had won our undeclared contest but I was still so excited that I almost wished I had come at the same time.

"Get on you back. I haven't finished with you yet," Zaraki said a few minutes later when he had recovered his breath. I lay on my back, parting my legs for him. In stead of returning to what he had been doing, he kissed my stomach slowly and licked it. It was not what I expected. I'd hoped he would finish pleasuring me, soon.

"What are you doing, Zaraki? I thought you were going to make me come with your mouth."

"I have other plans now. It's been too long since you were begging me. I want you to beg. I told you before; hearing you beg makes me hot. If I lick you, you won't beg me. Anyway I need time to recover. I must be inside you again." His mouth moved upwards to my breasts and he began to tug on my nipples with his mouth and fingers. I was so aroused. What would he do this time if I begged? I moaned and arched my back as he continued to work on my breasts. He started to bite the nipple gently. I wanted him to continue. I looked down at his face. He saw my glance and he gazed at me, his eyes burning with passion. "Beg me. Beg me, beloved."

"No. I'm not ready to beg." I didn't want to beg. No matter how much he was exciting me.

One of Zaraki's hands travelled down and he began to stroke me as his lips moved up to my shoulders, my neck. "I'll make you beg. You are so wet. You want me to fuck you, don't you?" He began to lick my neck, aware of how I would react.

My hand reached down and encountered his penis, semi erect. I stroked him, feeling his erection become larger the longer I touched it. His lips on his neck, his fingers touching me, shattered my resolve. "Please Zaraki. I'm begging you. Please." I couldn't deny him any further.

Zaraki moved so he could kiss me and then plunged his erection into me hard and fast, taking me with a mix of tenderness and passion. It was unexpected, but made me feel so stimulated. He was smiling at me as he looked down at me, thrusting his penis into me.

"More, please, more." I was still begging.

"I told you I get hot when you beg," he said withdrawing slightly and then building a steady and fast rhythm. A few more strokes and I lost control, screaming his name over again as my vision blurred and my body convulsed under his. I could not believe the intensity of my orgasm. I felt caught up. Zaraki continued to plunge into me. After a short time I became aroused again from the friction and the desire. His desire became my desire and I met his thrusts with pleasure. The heat built between us and I came again as he found his release, yelling my name.

"Kiss me Matsumoto," Zaraki ordered me when I became aware of my surroundings again. We kissed gently.

I rested my head on his chest. I wanted to be close to him. Exhausted by the emotion, the events and the sex, I fell asleep.

"Matsumoto. Matsumoto. Cover yourself, lieutenant." The demanding voice of my captain echoed through my dream.

"Later, Toshiro. Come back in the next dream," I mumbled trying to stay in the dream I was having. I was dreaming Zaraki had told me he loved me. If I woke up I'd probably find that all the events of last night were a fantasy.

"Matsumoto. Wake up. Put a sheet over you or something," Toshiro's voice insisted. I opened my eyes. I was lying in my bed in Zaraki's arms. We were completely exposed. I knew I wasn't dreaming. Reaching down the side of the bed I grabbed the sheet that Zaraki had been wearing last night and spread it over both of us. Zaraki was awake by this time and grinned at me.

Toshiro stood in the doorway once we were covered. His face was expressionless except for the look of weary acceptance in his eyes.

"What do you want Captain," Zaraki said. He seemed very relaxed and held me close.

"I want my lieutenant."

Zaraki tensed at the words, drawing me even closer to him in a possessive gesture, a scowl forming on his face.

Toshiro crossed his arms and leaned on the door jam. "Not like that. She's meant to be helping me. I gave permission to remain home yesterday on the proviso that she would return to work today. When she failed to appear, I thought something may have happened. I see that it did, but not what I expected."

"I apologise, Captain, but your lieutenant is unavailable today." Zaraki spoke the words confidently as he stroked my back. "Now you are here I would like to ask you a question."

Toshiro sighed and his face assumed an expression of formality. "You do not have the right to inform me that a member of my division is unavailable to me, Captain Zaraki. Our recent conversations have been interesting. Because of that, and because I feel that your question will affect me considerably, I will answer one question."

"Captain, do I have your permission to marry your lieutenant?"

I was not sure who experienced more shock. Looking at Zaraki, I saw his eyes turn from my captain to me, and he kissed me gently on the forehead. I wished he had asked me first because this request was totally unexpected.

Toshiro was shaking his head. "This is highly irregular. I believe the correct protocol is you ask the question while fully dressed and in a formal manner. Not while you are naked and in bed with the potential bride. Matsumoto, do want to marry this man? Do you love him?"

"Yes." I did not whisper. I answered clearly and proudly.

"I suppose you love my lieutenant, Captain. How this happened, I don't know. You've been together for 3-4 days at most. When I first asked you weren't even sure you liked each other."

I looked pleadingly at Toshiro. He sighed and rubbed his chin. "You have my permission on the following conditions. I won't pay for the wedding, because I think this is a mistake. Matsumoto remains my lieutenant and concentrates on her work. I suppose I'll have to give you some leave for a honeymoon. Why now, when it's vital that we are concentrating on the threat? You will also need permission from the Captain-General."

"Thank you Captain Hitsugaya. Now could you leave? I think we should get dressed and see the Captain-General as soon as possible. I want this completed as quickly as possible. There is no reason for delay. As you mentioned, we need to be able to concentrate." Zaraki was taking this seriously. I was a little bewildered by how fast this was moving. Married to Zaraki? I'd never thought of it.

Toshiro shrugged. "I'll wait outside. I think I should accompany you to the Captain-General. I don't know what his reaction will be."

My captain left the room and I heard the door close. Zaraki kissed me yearningly. "Will you, Matsumoto?"

"Will I what? You have to be clear, Zaraki. You keep trying to arrange things without asking me. First you try to get me to move to your division and now you want to what?" I wanted him to ask me properly, not as an afterthought. If he really asked me, maybe I would know he wanted this.

"You've said you love me. I unwillingly love you. Logically we should marry." Zaraki looked at me very seriously as he stated his opinion. I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"You're such a romantic Zaraki. Unwillingly love; you really know how to make me swoon at your words. Marriage isn't logical at all. I think too much sex has fogged your brain." Zaraki's reaction to my words was another kiss, a searching one where his tongue entered my mouth, licking, caressing, as his hands stroked my back. I thought briefly that Zaraki shouldn't speak. His actions always convinced me more than his words. "Okay. If you're going to use that argument, I'll marry you. This was supposed to be about sex, Zaraki. How did it go from sex to marriage?"

"You still get the sex. Are you interested in some now?" He grinned at me lasciviously. I could feel his erection pressing against me.

For a moment I forget anything except how he was making me feel. Then I remembered. I interrupted as his hands roamed over my breasts. "My captain is waiting outside to escort us to the Captain-General. I don't think we have time."

"Just a quick one. I want you again."

My reply was interrupted by a knock at the front door. "I think that Captain Hitsugaya is becoming impatient. Maybe later."

"Not too much later." Zaraki kissed me and released me. We dressed quickly. Zaraki did not have his eye patch or his bells. His hair remained down.

As we emerged from the front of the house we found that not only my captain was awaiting us. Ikkaku was also there, conversing with my captain. "Did you like your meal last night, Ran?" He interrupted his conversation when he saw me. His smile showed he was fully aware what the contents of the box could mean.

"Under different circumstances I'd challenge you now." I was feeling very uncertain how 11th Division would react to their captain marrying, especially me.

"Can't have the bride challenging the best man, can we?" Ikkaku was grinning even more widely, his eyes moving between his captain and me.

"I'm not a bride. We're not getting married today. We're just asking for permission." Why were they assuming it would happen so soon?

Zaraki glanced at my captain who gave him a small wicked smile. He's obviously told Ikkaku what was planned.

"What makes you think you're the best man? She's marrying me after all. I'm the best man. Maybe we need to work this out now." Zaraki seemed to be particularly unaware about weddings. Didn't he know what a best man was? Noticing our questioning stares, Zaraki threw back his head and laughed. "Knew you'd think that. Yeah, Ikkaku. You can be the best man, whenever we get married."

Zaraki bent to pick me up and carry me. My captain interrupted. "Matsumoto should walk. You shouldn't carry her everywhere Captain. It looks peculiar."

"I like carrying her. I get to feel her close to me. Okay, if you insist." Zaraki placed me on my feet and took my hand.

"Are you really going to visit the Captain-General like that? What about your eye patch? Your bells?" Ikkaku looked at Zaraki with concern.

"I'm not going to fight him. I'm only asking permission. Why do I need them?" Looking at Ikkaku, Zaraki raised an eyebrow.

"No reason. Forget I mentioned it." Ikkaku squirmed uneasily at his captain's scrutiny.

When we arrived at the Captain-General's office, I was amazed to see all of the captains were present. What did this mean?

"I received your message Captain Hitsugaya. I thought I should convene a full Captain's meeting in light of the situation." The Captain-General did not look pleased. "Captain Zaraki: explain yourself."

"What's to explain? I want to marry her," he said pointing at me. There was a collective gasp as Zaraki spoke.

"Captain Zaraki, I thought we spoke of this before," Captain Kuchiki said.

"Not about marriage. Only about sex. You told me what you thought and I ignored it, Kuchiki. It's still none of your business. I don't tell you what to do about your sister and lieutenant, do I?" I wished Zaraki hadn't said that. Captain Kuchiki's expression turned to ice.

"What don't you tell me to do about my sister and my lieutenant?" His voice was as cold as his expression.

I shook my head at Zaraki. "Don't tell him," I thought. He ignored me.

"Your lieutenant loves your sister. I suppose she loves him. If you want to mess in other people's love lives, maybe you could do it closer to home. By the way, if you try and break them up, I will cut you. I owe a debt to Abarai that you wouldn't understand." Zaraki took my hand in his as he spoke.

I was astonished. Was Zaraki getting soft? Wanting to intercede for another guy? Then I realised what he meant. He was thinking about how Renji helped me. I felt my face redden at the understanding.

Captain Kuchiki bit his lip and paled. He lowered his eyes so I could not read their expression. I hoped he would remember Zaraki's threat.

"Lieutenant Rangiku, are you entering this marriage of your free will?" Captain Kyouraku's question was firm but careful. He considered me carefully as if he didn't know me very well.

"Yes. I have freely agreed to the proposal." There was no point in denying it.

"Captain Zaraki, are you sure you want this? You don't have to marry." Captain Fon curled her lip in disgust as she asked the question. She appeared not to approve of the idea of our marriage.

"I want this. I have made up my mind" was Zaraki's response.

"Not thinking of changing it?" The question came from Captain Komamura.

"How often do I change my mind?" The Captains looked at each other and nodded at Zaraki's words. He was not known for his flexible nature.

"You hardly know each other, why do you want to marry? Why not wait for a while?" Captain Unohana asked in her calm reasonable manner.

"Why wait? I said I want to marry her. I told you I won't change my mind." Zaraki was beginning to lose his patience.

"Why do you want to marry?" Captain Kurotsuchi asked curiously.

"I love him." I decided it was my turn to answer a question. Why were they asking so many questions? Couldn't they just agree?

"Why do I have to give a reason?" Zaraki did not appear to be coping very well with the questions.

"Do you both realise that the Seireitei is under threat? We have to be ready for an attack. Strategy should be our focus. This is not the time to be planning weddings or having parties." The Captain-General made the point sternly. He did not seem impressed with our plans.

"Excuse me, sir. I don't care about any of that. It's not important. I want to marry without fuss, as soon as possible." I spoke loudly. I do not know where that came from, but now I had agreed to marry Zaraki, I wanted it to happen. The Captain-General looked at me keenly.

"Ikkaku Madarame and Matsumoto Rangiku, please wait outside. We need to discuss this privately." The Captain-General was firm, but I smarted under the words. How could they decide my future without me?

I caught sight of a wink from Captain Ukitake and knew that he and Captain Kyoraku would speak on my behalf.

Outside the office, I had a chance to talk to Ikkaku. "Why the food last night? I don't understand."

"You weren't with Zaraki the day after you left. I've never seen him in a mood as foul as that before. He nearly killed a trainee for looking at him. I brought him food and he threw it at me, refusing to eat, telling me to leave him alone. Luckily I got out of the way, especially when he threw the hot tea at me. When your Captain came to visit, he brightened for a moment. Then your captain asked where you were and his mood got even worse. He almost threw Captain Hitsugaya out of the office and I don't know why he didn't get into a mess because of that. Then he muttered to himself most of the afternoon, refusing to work or talk to any of us. Yachiru ended up in tears when he yelled at her for asking a question."

"He hadn't slept." Why I was trying to explain Zaraki's behaviour was beyond me.

"It was more than that. I've seen him when he hasn't slept before; it's happened a number of times. This was the worst mood I've ever seen. Yumichika even did the paperwork without asking and you know we all hate to do that. He said he thought if he removed some of the stacks it would calm the Captain down, but it didn't. I decided that he better get back with you, quickly. Another day like that and someone would have died. It took some time and lots of patience, but I finally convinced him to visit you. He wanted to; he was too proud to admit it, even to himself. When he asked for food at your place, I thought I'd try to give him a hint. He's been alone too long." Ikkaku's concern for his Captain was revealed by his words.

I laughed. "He didn't understand your hint. I had to explain it to him."

"Yeah, I know that. Sometimes you have to spell things out with him. But he took the hint. That's why you're here now." Ikkaku leant against the wall, rubbing his head.

Nerving myself, I asked the question for which I feared the answer. "How does 11th Division feel about Zaraki getting married?"

"None of them have guessed except Yumichika, Yachiru and me. Yachiru is not happy. She hates the idea. You'll have to work that out later, but it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If it's Captain Zaraki's choice, everyone will accept it. He doesn't like to be questioned about his decisions." He grinned at me in a conspiratorial manner.

"I've noticed. How long do you think they'll talk for?" I nodded toward the door. I was feeling nervous.

"It depends. If the captain keeps his temper we shouldn't be kept waiting too long. Hey, you're a lieutenant; you know how long these meetings last. If he starts to yell, and he could, we might have a problem. Don't worry. If you marry the captain, will you be moving to our division?" Ikkaku looked concerned at the thought.

"No, I want to stay with 10th. Anyway, there is no place for me. I don't want to put anyone out. I suppose I could, but I like working with my captain. He's like my brother." It was amazingly easy to talk to Ikkaku. We had built up a rapport while in the human world, even though he had been spying on me. "Why did you tell Zaraki about the skirt incident?"

Ikkaku scratched his ear and avoided looking at me. "My first loyalty is to my Captain. If I hadn't told him, he would have killed me. He almost killed me for not stopping you. Don't put me in that position again, okay?" He seemed nervous at the thought of having to explain anything like that to Zaraki again.

The door opened. "Enter now. The decision has been made."

We entered. I felt very nervous. My eyes searched for Zaraki. His head was bent and my heart sank. Hearing my footsteps he turned, looked at me and then smiled.

"Let's get on with this. Lieutenant Rangiku, stand in front of me. Captain Zaraki, stand beside her. Now hold hands." The Captain-General issued the orders in a bland voice. I followed the instructions without thinking. He was going to tell me the decision. Zaraki squeezed my hand and I found the pressure of his fingers comforting.

"In the full assembly of these captains, I ask do you, Lieutenant Matsumoto Rangiku, accept Captain Kenpachi Zaraki as your spouse?"

I gaped at the Captain-General. What was he saying? Zaraki nudged me, not too gently in the ribs. "Ur, yes. Why?"

"In front of the full assembly of these captains, I ask do you, Captain Kenpachi Zaraki, accept Lieutenant Matsumoto Rangiku as your spouse?"

"Yes." Zaraki's voice was firm.

"We have agreed as a council that this marriage is valid. You are now husband and wife." The Captain-General smiled at us both as I realised what had happened.

"You mean we're married now? That's it?" I turned to the Captain-General trying to seek reassurance.

"Yes. You may kiss your bride, Captain Zaraki." The Captain General brusquely answered my question before Zaraki embraced and kissed me passionately. The kiss finished, Zaraki lifted me in his arms.

I saw my captain shaking his head as Zaraki picked me up. I knew why Zaraki wanted to carry me. He ran faster than I could and I was pretty sure he wanted sex.

"Right. We're leaving. If you interrupt me in the next week, it better be because the Arrancar are here, otherwise I don't want to know. Ikkaku, I hope you made sure there's plenty of food in my house." Having delivered his speech, Zaraki began to move toward the door.

"Because of the state of emergency I agreed that you could marry today. I didn't say anything about allowing you a week's leave, Captain Zaraki. I grudgingly will allow you the next two days. You may have your honeymoon once the Arrancar are defeated." The Captain-General was firm.

Zaraki scowled. "Two days? Make it three."

"Two days only. I need both of you working. Once we finalise our preparations I might consider an additional day." The Captain-General did not budge, but he smiled at Zaraki. "I'll let you have tomorrow and the next day. As it is still morning, you have today as well. That makes three days, almost."

Zaraki nodded, without smiling. "Okay. I'm not happy, but I won't argue now. I meant what I said about interruptions. If I've only got three days, I might kill anyone who barges in."

"What about the celebration? Don't you want a party?" Captain Unohana's quiet voice asked. She seemed slightly disturbed by the marriage. I wondered why.

"I'm not really interested at the moment. Ask me in three days." Zaraki's reply was perfunctory as he carried me out the door and began hurrying toward his place.

"Are we really married?" As he carried me to his house, I had to ask the question of Zaraki.

"Yeah. You said you didn't care about fuss and you wanted to marry me as soon as possible. I agreed. Why wait? A few people argued, but your captain and your friends really helped. Oh, yeah, the fact that you're not screwing all those guys in now known by all the captains. Your friends spoke on your behalf and somehow the whole story came out about you only being friends. I told all the captains that if we didn't marry, you would move in with me anyway. I also told them you were pregnant. That seemed to shut up a number of them." Zaraki was moving swiftly toward his place.

"Zaraki you lied. I'm not pregnant. You told me you hated lies." This was all moving too fast. Married already? Zaraki lying?

"How do you know? You could be. It wasn't really a lie, because we don't know. We're going to practice. Lots of practice. I want to keep screwing you. It doesn't matter if you don't get pregnant. Probably a good idea if you don't. Means we'll have to keep having sex. The next three days are going to be busy. Better make sure I have plenty of oil. If you want to keep that uniform you better start undoing it. I won't make it to the bedroom before I need to get inside you again. If there was a deserted place near, we'd be fucking by now."

I shivered slightly at his words. I wanted the practice, but I wasn't sure about the rest of it. Babies? Marriage? Three days of sex? Damn it. What had I agreed to? Would this even work?

Zaraki stopped and kissed me. "Don't worry about it Matsumoto, beloved." We were now at his house. "This is where the fun really begins," he said as he carried me over the threshold.

* * *

A.N.

Thanks for the reviews.

Review and I might update.


	8. The Consummation

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Consummation**

Zaraki kicked the door shut behind us and placed me on the old scratched table that was just inside the door. It was the first time I had noticed it. I hadn't been thinking of furniture when I had been in the room before this and was pleased that there was nothing on top of the table that would be pushed to the floor. Mindful of Zaraki's threat, and because I wanted to keep the uniform, I was trying to struggle out of it. I was not fast enough. Without waiting, Zaraki ripped the crotch seam in my hakama apart, uncovering my sex. It was quick and effective and in some ways a relief. I wanted to feel him inside me again. With one hand he freed his fully erect penis and smiled at me in anticipation. He pulled me to edge of the table and guided his penis into me. I was wondering if he was going to leave me on the table while we had sex, but instead he wrapped my legs around his hips and pushed into me fully, then lifted me, gripping me by my buttocks. I grabbed his shoulders, needing to hold onto something. It was only a matter of seconds since we entered the house, and we were already screwing.

I opened my mouth to ask him why he couldn't wait, but he kissed me wildly as he thrust into me, his tongue entered my mouth, hungrily tasting me. I moaned in enjoyment as he continued to drive into me. He was so hard, I was so needy. He held me close against him as he manoeuvred me onto his penis. My breasts were pushing against his chest through the material of our shirts, my nipples were erect and the movement was stimulating them even further. I wrapped my arms around his neck wanting to be close to him. Zaraki released my mouth from his lips.

"You weren't fast enough," he panted as he continued to thrust into me. "Too bad if you wanted to keep your uniform. You should have agreed to sex before we went to see the Captain-General. You're so hot and eager, I couldn't wait." He gazed intently into my eyes and I noticed his pupils were dilated.

"You didn't give me any time." I found it difficult to concentrate on the conversation. I didn't want to talk. He was making me want the orgasm and want the sex. I could feel him deep within me penetrating me fully and I was again reminded of how much had changed since we first had sex. "Why the urgency?"

"We've got to consummate the marriage. Make it legal." Zaraki kissed me again, quickly, just briefly inserting his tongue into my mouth. The slight contact made my mouth tingle. I wanted to kiss him again. I tried to kiss him, but found that it wasn't possible. I was panting too hard.

Zaraki was pumping into me, taking me forcefully. I loved the feel of him as he pushed into me. Never before had I desired a man so much, or so often. Zaraki was taking me hard and fast, but I wanted more. My legs were starting to feel weak, even though they were not supporting me. I clung to him determinedly, feeling my desire rise even more. He made me feel wanton and abandoned.

"Harder, please, harder." I didn't realise how much I had wanted him this morning. I wanted him more now. I didn't care if we were married or just having sex. Lust and love were powerful aphrodisiacs.

In answer to my pleas, Zaraki was moving into me faster and harder. I felt my orgasm swell and screamed as it overtook me. Zaraki came at the same time, yelling "Beloved."

I rested my head on his shoulder. We'd hardly made it through the door and I was relieved he'd remembered to close it. The news of our marriage would spread rapidly. There would be people outside soon enough.

Zaraki let out a shuddering sigh as his penis slipped out of me, and carried me into the bedroom. I noticed that the bed had been freshly made, with clean white sheets. I was again pleased he had the large western style bed. He deposited me on the bed and looked at me enquiringly.

"You're my wife now. I won't have to worry about anyone misunderstanding the situation. No one will try to take you from me." He nodded to himself and smiled at me.

It sounded strange to hear the word 'wife' from Zaraki's mouth. "And I won't have to worry about other women." That was a strange thought.

"What do you have to worry about?" Zaraki was frowning at me.

"You've had lovers before. You admitted it." If he could worry about ex-lovers, so could I.

"Not lovers. Never had a lover before you. Only had sex partners. There's a difference. I told you, none of them lasted. None of them seemed to care much." Zaraki shrugged. He sat on the bed and began to undo my shirt. Within a few seconds it lay on the floor.

He ripped my hakama off my body. "No point in keeping that. It's ruined anyway. For the next three days you won't wear any clothing. I want to be able to enter you at any time. We've only got these three day before we have to concentrate on other things.

Three days of sex? I felt a twinge of fear. I was unsure if I had the stamina for three days of continual sex. I had no doubt that Zaraki meant what he said. I'd not had the experience of constant sex until we'd started screwing. Remembering how sore I had been after the first day, I gulped slightly.

Zaraki noticed my nervous reaction. "Is that a problem? Why do you look scared? It's just sex."

'I shook my head. "It's not that, Zaraki. I don't know if I can have sex for three days straight."

"What do you mean? When you were with Gin, you must have spent days in bed." Zaraki seemed confused by my reaction.

"Not really, no. We had sex maybe once or twice a day every so often. We were both busy. Gin could be very elusive." I didn't want to say anything more. I didn't want to tell Zaraki everything about Gin. It was in the past and unimportant. "Have you?"

'No. I always wanted to. You're not going to get scared, are you?" He held me close. "It's only sex; we've had sex before, lots of sex."

"But not three days worth. I don't know if I can keep up." I couldn't believe this conversation. Would we ever have an ordinary discussion? Why were we talking about this?

"Let's take it one fuck at a time. You're naked and available. I want you." He bent his head and kissed me passionately.

I could feel my lust rising. We'd just had sex. Why did I want him again so urgently?

"You're still dressed. Why am I bare and you clothed? It doesn't seem fair to me." I started to remove his captain's coat but got distracted by his proximity and put my hand on his exposed chest, feeling his firm, warm flesh. If I had to be nude, so should he.

"Yuck. Gross," said a voice from the doorway.

We both turned and looked. Yachiru was standing there staring at me with an expression of absolute disgust on her face. Her pink hair seemed to stand on end and the normal sparkle in her eyes was replaced by the glitter of anger. I had never seen her eyes narrowed like that before. Her body seemed to express tension and her hands were on her hips as she thrust her face forward.

"Is it true Ken-chan? Is it true that you married that woman?" Yachiru jerked her head in my direction and then sneered at me.

I remembered that Zaraki had only kicked the door shut behind us, intent as he had been on sex. Embarrassed, I looked around for something to cover my body. Zaraki took off his coat and wrapped it around me, then arranged his clothing. Yachiru watched, her eyes becoming wide with astonishment, anger and something that looked like envy, at Zaraki's action. I felt some comfort that Zaraki thought about me before himself but I wasn't looking forward to this conversation. I slipped my arms through the coat sleeves and tried to stay calm.

"What are you doing here? Must have forgotten to lock the door. Yeah. We're married. So what?" Zaraki took my hand in his and looked at Yachiru frowning. He did not seem pleased with the questions, or the attitude of his lieutenant. "It's my decision."

Yachiru opened her mouth to say something.

"I don't have to explain myself to you or anyone else in this division. I've already had to explain to the bloody Captain-General. What's your problem?" Zaraki was very brusque in his response. His hand tightened on mine. I knew he was becoming angry. Yachiru's behaviour implied criticism at his actions.

"My problem? It's your problem. You hardly know her. Why marry her? I hated it when you brought her back here the first time. You were snappy after she went to the human world and I hoped you'd forget her but you didn't. When you were grumpy yesterday, I knew you'd broken up. When that woman's captain came, it was really obvious she'd left. You made me cry, but I was happy she'd gone and I thought everything would go back to normal. But then you waited until I left before you snuck over to her place. Why? You were never serious about anyone before; the others only lasted a few days before you got bored with them. Why marry this one? She's nothing. Why did you marry her?" Yachiru's voice was becoming shrill as she asked the questions.

"It's not your place to question me, Lieutenant." Zaraki's voice was low and hard. I noticed a steely look enter his eyes as he stared at the pink haired girl. Zaraki hated having his decisions queried. Yachiru knew that, she'd been close to Zaraki for so long. I couldn't understand why she was deliberately making her captain angry.

She walked closer to her captain. "Ken-chan, it won't work. You know it won't work. She doesn't understand about you. She doesn't know you." There was a pleading note in her tone that I never thought I would hear.

"What don't I understand?" I hated the way this conversation was going. I was again being discussed, but not included. I didn't like her words or her belief she could easily persuade Zaraki to act as she wished.

"Tell her to go. Ask the Captain-General to cancel the marriage. You don't need her. She's Smilers reject and you deserve better then a reject." Yachiru ignored my question and appealed to Zaraki. She was standing beside the bed. I felt very uncomfortable. I wished she had not mentioned Gin.

"What don't I understand? What do I need to know?" I was becoming annoyed at the attitude. She was telling Zaraki to get rid of me. Here eyes were fixed intently on Zaraki, ignoring me completely.

"I want her out of here. I want her to go away. We'll never have fun anymore if you're married. You'll want to spend all your time with her." Yachiru addressed me her tone becoming increasingly angry as she spoke. "Get out of here. You're not wanted. Stupid woman. Ken-chan doesn't need you. Why would he need anyone like you? He only needs 11th Division and me. You've already had one captain, a traitor who dumped you. Leave mine alone." She raised her hand as if preparing to slap me. I tensed preparing to raise the hand Zaraki was not holding, to deflect the slap.

Zaraki grabbed her hand before she could land the blow. He didn't try to hurt Yachiru; he just looked at her sorrowfully. "I thought you would be happy for me."

Yachiru eyes became very bright, as if they were flooding with tears, and she jerked her hand out of his grasp. She swallowed a number of times, trying to gain control. "Why, why did you marry her? Why Ken-chan? Why?" she was wailing as if her heart was breaking. "You have me. You have your friends. Why do you need anyone else? You can get women for sex. You didn't have to get married."

"I love her." Zaraki said the words softly, with a sincerity I had not heard until now. The way he said the words, even more than the words, made me pause. I shivered. He meant them. For the first time I really understood that Zaraki loved me, not as an intellectual concept, but in truth. I held my breath in wonder.

Stunned the 11th Division's lieutenant looked at her captain and then at me. A tear trickled down her cheek. "You, you love her? How can you love her? How? She's ordinary, nothing special. You don't know her. You've never loved any of the others." She turned to me. "Do you love him? Do you love Ken-chan?"

I looked at Zaraki, considering my answer. His eyes met mine and he gave me a half smile as he waited on my answer. "Yes. I love your captain. I have no choice." I said the words quietly and felt a pain in my chest as I answered. It was as if I was declaring my love for the first time. Zaraki's pupils widened at my answer and then he nodded, as if in relief.

Yachiru looked at me closely and then stared at her captain. "Baldy told me you got married, that you loved her. I didn't believe him. He told me not to interrupt, but the door was unlocked. I had to know. Ken-chan, why didn't you tell me? Why did I have to find out from someone else? It's not fair."

"It's not about you." I began and then stopped. She reminded me of a child in some ways but I knew she was older than she looked. Nevertheless I shouldn't be too harsh. "It wasn't planned, it just happened. Neither of us expected to get married today. I never expected to be married after..." I bit my lip. I didn't want to mention Gin.

Yachiru wiped her eyes. "You won't change your mind?" The question was directed at Zaraki.

"No." I had never heard one word convey so much information. Zaraki kissed my hand which he was still holding. I enjoyed the feeling of his lips on my hand. "You know I don't change my mind."

"Will you change your mind? Leave Ken-chan; go back to your pals? Why do you need Ken-chan when you have them?" Yachiru addressed me but was not making her case very strongly with the last few comments. It hurt to hear the disdain in her voice.

"I won't let her leave." Zaraki looked at me. "Matsumoto, you'll stay. Yes, I am ordering you around, but I'm not letting you leave me again." He turned his attention to his lieutenant. "Yachiru, we'll still have fun. Matsumoto is not moving into our division." Zaraki's voice was firm.

"Will she be living here with you?" Yachiru asked the question I had not even considered. Where were we going to live?

"Of course she will be living here. Where else would she live?" Zaraki looked confused at the question. "This is my place and now it's hers."

At his words, the enormity of the situation overwhelmed me. I was married to this man I barely knew. I loved him, I knew that, but how could I live with him? I had not lived with another person for a very long time. It was as if again I had realised the truth of the situation. I started to panic. I felt my face flush and I began to find it difficult to breathe. I tried to take my hand back from Zaraki but he just held it tighter.

"Yachiru, leave. Now. I've answered your questions." He issued the order in a commanding voice which did not allow for dissent. Yachiru immediately obeyed without another word. I heard the door close behind her.

"What are you trying to do?" Zaraki's eyes captured mine as I again tried to free my hand.

I shook my head in response, not daring to speak. My body turned from hot to cold as the fear began to take over. I had committed myself to this man for the rest of my life. Why had I done that? Too much sex must have skewed my judgement. I had only ever considered marrying Gin. Now I was married to someone else.

"Matsumoto, talk to me. What in the name of all evil is going on? I'm only holding your hand." Zaraki leant closer to me. I shied away from him. "Answer me woman. What is happening?"

'We're married." The strangled words escaped my mouth. Hearing them said aloud was even more frightening. I started to shake.

Zaraki released my hand and gently embraced me, holding me against him, not tightly, but as if he was soothing me. "Yeah, we're married. To each other. So what?" He murmured the words, his cheek pressed to mine.

"It scares me. I've only now realised that we're married." I choked out the words, the shaking continued. At least he was holding me, but I also wanted to be free from his arms. Confusion beset me. I loved him but I wasn't sure that marriage was the right move.

"Damn Yachiru. Kid means well, but she came at just the wrong time. Beloved, it doesn't change anything." Zaraki kissed my ear lobe and continued to hold me.

"It changes everything." I interrupted him. How could he be so calm? "We're married and you expect me to live here with you. Next you'll expect me to wash your clothes, cook your food, and rub your feet."

"Why would I expect that? Why should you have to do any of that? I'm a captain, you're a lieutenant. We have other things to do than worry about that sort of crap, except the foot rub sounds interesting. I only expect lots of sex; you live with me, and more sex." While he was talking, Zaraki continued to hold me reassuringly. The warmth from his body was gradually warming the chill from mine. The words helped too, a little.

Removing his cheek from mine, Zaraki pressed his lips to my cheek and then tenderly kissed my mouth. Again I was reminded that he always managed to convince me to accept stupid ideas after he kissed me. That's why I agreed to marry him in the first place. I ignored my thoughts and returned his kiss, savouring its sweetness. His hair caressed my cheeks as we kissed and I felt how soft his lips were against mine. I had not expected soft lips from this man.

"Stop thinking about the big stuff. Now, we were talking about something else. Oh, yeah, three days of sex and you were agreeing it was a good idea. So, do you want to continue? I'll even let you strip me, because I'm feeling big-hearted today. We'll use the oil this time. Not that I think we need it, but just in case." Zaraki placed my hands on his shirt and encouraged me to remove it. I slowly undid it, slid it off his shoulders and dropped it to the floor. My hands moved to his hakama.

Zaraki's hands were busy under the coat, stroking my stomach, and then sliding up to the neckline of the coat. His head drew near and he kissed the mole near my mouth, and then slipped his mouth onto mine.

"Ran. Ran. I've got to talk to you." A voice called from the front door. I heard the sound of footsteps approaching the bedroom. Quickly I pulled the coat around me, as Zaraki had been intent on removing it while we kissed.

"We forgot to lock the damned door again." Zaraki cursed. I looked at him, hoping he would not get annoyed at the visitor and smiled, ruefully. He caught my glance and tried to calm down.

Renji appeared in the doorway, saw us and looked very embarrassed. "Oh, damn. I apologise, Captain Zaraki. Your lieutenant told me it would be okay to visit. In fact she insisted I visit. She said Ran was alone as you were busy elsewhere. Um, can I speak to the 10th Division lieutenant privately, um, Sir?"

"No, you frigging cannot. The 10th Division lieutenant is my wife and I don't want her speaking to any male privately, except me. And I unquestionably don't want her to be private with former lovers, Abarai." Zaraki had risen from the bed and stood towering over Renji. I found the sight intimidating. I wondered how it made Renji feel.

Renji looked up at Zaraki nervously. "Oh, you know, do you? It was a long time ago." He looked downcast and concerned at this news, as if he was expecting to be punished.

"I told him. I had to. Sorry Renji. What was it you needed to say? Can it wait?" I felt guilty at seeing Renji in this position. He was my friend and had helped me so much.

"I just heard you'd married the Captain. I wanted to offer my, er, congratulations." Renji transferred his weight from one foot to another. I could feel that he wanted to leave and Zaraki continued to stare at him.

"You take care, Abarai. Your captain knows about your feelings for his sister. He wasn't pleased." Zaraki's voice did not convey any threat, but Renji looked even more nervous and shifted a little closer to the door.

"I know. He came to see me immediately after the Captain's meeting and I've never seen him so cold before. He said you threatened to cut him if he tried to do anything to get between Rukia and me. That's why I came; I wanted to ask Ran why you made the threat. I don't understand why you'd take the trouble. Captain Kuchiki told me that you said you owed me." Renji was frowning as he looked at Zaraki.

"I do owe you, but I don't want to talk about it right now. I'm supposed to be on my honeymoon. Could you kindly fornicate off?" Zaraki smiled at him in a feral fashion, baring his large white teeth. I realised if I did not know Zaraki as I did, I would find it frightening.

Renji looked from me to Zaraki and then smiled slightly. "I would never have thought of the two of you getting married. Will you come to my wedding? Rukia's agreed to marry me, now her brother has been given no other choice. I'm going to ask the Captain-General for permission tomorrow."

I clasped my hands together. This was unexpected, but so pleasing. It was right that these two, who had gone through so much together, should be allowed to marry. They'd fight all the time, probably, but that was one of the ways they communicated. "Of course we'll come." I paused. I'd said the 'we' as if we were a couple. We were a couple. It sounded so strange and felt even stranger.

"Later Abarai, otherwise I'll barge into your bedroom when you're on your honeymoon. Now get out." Zaraki walked closer to Renji as if preparing to throw him out.

Renji just nodded and left quickly.

"I'm going to lock that door before we are interrupted again." Zaraki began to move out of the bedroom, but I heard the front door open again. I couldn't prevent my laughter escaping me. Another visitor? Had someone organised this?

"Ur, hi, Captain. I didn't mean to interrupt, but I saw Renji leaving and your lieutenant said it would be fine if I visited. She thought Ran was by herself. I need to talk to her." Hisagi's voice was audible to me as he greeted Zaraki. He sounded uncertain.

"Leave now, Hisagi. Yeah, we're married, before you ask. She'll talk to you later. We're busy, or I want to be busy, but I keep getting disturbed. Tell my lieutenant that it is not frigging fine, I am damn well here and I do not want to be bloody interrupted again. Here's the door. Exit." I heard the door open and shut again and the sound of the key turning in the lock.

Zaraki walked into the bedroom shaking his head in amazement. "I get more privacy in the bathhouse than I do in my own home. I've only been interrupted once in the last few years." He grinned at me. "Beloved. Do you want a bath? Do you want to spend the next three days in the bathhouse for a honeymoon? Go back to where it began? No one would interrupt."

"We can't stay in the bathhouse for three days. Other people might want to use it. It wouldn't be fair. I'd get hungry and there's no bed." All the time I was protesting I was strangely drawn by the thought. I got to my feet and walked close to the Captain. The reminder made me want to touch him again. I ached to feel his hands on my body, his mouth on mine.

"We'll go there tomorrow. It's okay. I'd already planned a long bath. I've booked it for a few hours. Do you want to interrupt me again? Might be fun." He was intent on removing his coat from my body. "I thought you were supposed to be stripping me."

"In front of Yachiru, Renji and Hisagi? That sounds pretty kinky to me Zaraki. Are you so bored with me already that you need voyeurs?" I couldn't resist the words as I removed the remainder of his clothes. Once he was naked I ran my hands from his shoulders downward, revelling in the feel of his skin and muscles under my hands. The absurdity of the interruptions had made me realise that life hadn't changed that much. My friends still cared about me, my captain would still become exasperated with me, but I now had someone who wanted me in his life.

Pressing my lips against his chest, I knew I was still uncertain and unsure if this would work; if it was love and not just lust, but I didn't care. The fear I had felt before had been dispelled by the laughter. I took Zaraki by the hand and led him to the bed, encouraging him to lie on his back. Once he did, I kissed him on the mouth, just touching his lips gently with my own. From some reason that seemed like a signature kiss: a kiss that conveyed the love without the passion. Zaraki responded by holding my in his arms, kissing me in return. I felt my heart react in a way I did not understand. Now was not the time to analyse my feelings. I didn't have the time.

I kissed his cheek, his chin and again returned to kiss the scar that ran down his face. This time he did not flinch. I ran my tongue down his cheek following the line of the scar. It felt different to the skin surrounding it.

"What are you doing, woman? Kissing that scar again? Licking it? I've got plenty of other scars you can kiss if you want." Zaraki indicated his penis.

"There aren't any scars there. I would have noticed when I was sucking you." Zaraki was being playful. That too stuck me as odd.

"You'll have to check properly. How do you know there aren't any scars? There might be." He stretched, placing his hands behind his head. "Have a good look."

"Zaraki, why would you have scars on your penis? That sounds weird. Do you often strip to fight and it got cut? I'd never heard that before. Or did you have some peculiar contest where you and your opponent cut the clothes from each other as a sort of foreplay and it backfired? If so, I hope your opponent was female, otherwise that would be perverted." I had moved down so my face was close to his fully erect penis and I examined it, touching it, checking to see any scars. I couldn't see any and giving into temptation I took him into my mouth, sucking him, licking him. It felt good to have him in my mouth. After a few minutes of this, Zaraki gently removed his penis from my mouth and pulled me next to him and I looked at his face. He was frowning at my last comment.

"As good as that is, I want to fuck you again. In answer to your bizarre question; no, I haven't. Where do you get these ideas? Do you want to try it sometime? It would take too long and prefer the quick and easy method of stripping you. Did you notice any scars?" He placed his warm hand on my back and slowly traced it down my spine, leaving a trail of warmth and arousal in its wake.

"I told you, I would have noticed. I think you just wanted me to suck you." I reached and touched the band of cloth he wore around his throat. All the times I had thought he was naked even when he was in the bath, I had ignored that band. It seemed to be part of him and I was suddenly curious. He stiffened as I touched the band and pushed my hand away.

"Don't touch." There was a sharpness to his tone I had not heard directed at me before.

"Why?" I was curious about his reaction. I reached out to touch the band again and he grabbed my hand.

"I said don't touch." Zaraki was not smiling at me. "It's something I don't discuss."

"Is this why Yachiru said I wouldn't understand? I want to know." I tried to free my hand but he was gripping it very tightly.

"I don't want you to know." His tone was stern. "Why do you have to know everything?"

"But you know so much about me and I know so little about you. I don't know how many lovers you've had, how you received this scar on your face, where you came from. I don't even know how you met Yachiru, Ikkaku and Yumichika. Not knowing makes me feel as if I don't know you." I could not prevent the note of pleading out of my voice.

Zaraki knew about my previous lovers, the rape, my friends and I knew nothing. He'd been a captain when I joined the Gotei 13. I only knew his reputation. There had been a rumour once of a relationship between Captain Unohana and Zaraki, but at the time I was still involved with Gin and didn't pay any attention.

Zaraki pulled my face down to his and kissed me as if to stop me asking questions. In spite of my disappointment, I responded. While he was kissing me, his fingers stroked my waist lightly, making me skin tingle. When the kiss finished, his mouth moved to my ear and he circled it with his tongue, breathing his warm breath into the ear. No one had done that to me before and I flinched away at first. I was not sure I liked the sensation. Zaraki seemed to notice and his tongue left my ear and briefly licked my neck. If it was a ruse to prevent any further queries, it was working well. I felt my nipples harden as he briefly allowed his tongue to caress my neck.

"Do you want me?" Zaraki asked quietly. I wondered that he had to ask.

"Yes." I closed my eyes as Zaraki kissed me again. He moved his lips on mine, hungrily pushing his tongue into my mouth. I remembered I'd ached for his kiss when we'd had sex last time. I returned the kiss, touching his tongue with mine, seeking those places in his mouth he enjoyed me touching.

"How much do you want me?" Why was Zaraki asking these questions? It seemed unusual that he required this level of assurance

"More than I've wanted any man. Come on Zaraki. You know that. Your touch makes me weak and hot for you. What do you want me to say?" I let my mouth move to the base of his throat and I licked him experimentally. He knew I enjoyed it, I wondered if he would find it pleasurable.

Zaraki shuddered under the touch of my tongue. I wondered and I licked him again and then bit him gently. "What are you doing to me woman? What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Treating you the way you treat me. Is that so wrong?" I bit his neck a little harder.

"I wondered how it felt. I can see why you like it. Keep going, beloved. It makes up for the interruptions by your friends." Zaraki hands held my waist as I continued to pay attention to his neck. I avoided the band of cloth, not wanting a confrontation.

"Didn't Captain Unohana do this to you when you were screwing?" I couldn't stop myself asking the question.

"No, she didn't. It was only a very short term thing. She didn't enjoy sex the way you do. She wasn't as eager or hot. Oh damn it, Matsumoto, shut up." His hands grabbed my face and crushed my mouth against his. The kiss radiated the passion I could tell he was feeling.

As he kissed me, his hands began to travel over my body, pausing here and there to touch lingeringly, to caress longingly. I forgot about other captains, previous lovers. I disregarded everything except how to get the man between my legs again and inside me. Finally his hand travelled down to my mound and I moaned into the kiss as his fingers parted me and touched my clit, entering me as if testing to see if I was ready.

"You want me again. I just want to get inside you and fuck you hard." Zaraki pulled his mouth from mine to tell me this. I let my hand encompass his erection. He was hot and hard against my palm.

"Do you want me to beg you again, Zaraki? I will."

Zaraki quickly knelt between my parted legs. "Begging is good. You already are."

He entered me, telling me how good I felt. His words made me more aroused as did his penis. I wondered if I was becoming a sex addict. The fact that I aroused him, aroused me. He began to thrust into me in a rhythm I liked. "Tell me how it feels. I want to hear you tell me."

"You feel so good when you're inside me. I want you inside me all the time. I love it when you fuck me. You make me want you so much. God, Zaraki. I get aroused just thinking about you." I told him the whole truth. I could barely control the moans as I talked. He was giving me so much pleasure. The words made him plunge into me harder.

A hell butterfly fluttered through the window and an alarm sounded. An emergency. The Arrancar were attacking. It was too early for the predicted attack. What was going on?

"Can't we finish?" I knew it was a dumb question, but I was sick of interruptions.

"I don't think we can." Zaraki withdrew, grudgingly, and we listened to the message conveyed by the butterfly. "Nope. Immediate response. You'll have to report to your division. Beloved, don't let anyone kill you; we need to finish this fuck. I want our three days. I want you screaming my name again." He kissed me before he rose and began to dress. I quickly found some clothes and put them on.

"I love you, Zaraki. You better not die, either. I'm not satisfied, yet. It's your job as my husband to make sure I am." As I spoke I realised it was the first time I had called Zaraki my husband.

Zaraki heard the words and pulled me close. "You called me 'husband'. I think you might begin to believe it." He lowered his head and kissed me. "I won't bother with the bells, I don't have time, but I will wear this." Zaraki replaced his eye patch. I was not happy to see it. "Remember the rules. Don't die and don't fuck anyone else." Zaraki grinned at me as he pulled on his captains' coat.

"The same applies to you, Zaraki." I kissed him quickly and left, returning to my division to find out what I needed to do. Our honeymoon was suspended. It was annoying.

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A. N: 

I know. It's all too romantic.

Thanks for the reviews. Please review.


	9. The Interruption

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Interruption**

I rushed to 10th Division headquarters and found my Captain waiting impatiently. "So pleased you interrupted your 'honeymoon' to attend your duties, Lieutenant," he greeted me sarcastically. His brow was furrowed into a frown I did not like. "Come with me. It's the Arrancar. They've arrived early."

I followed my Captain and listened as he addressed our division. We had to repel the Arrancar as quickly as possible, and inflict as much damage as we could. They enemy had chosen to attack Soul Society rather than the Seireitei directly. There was some concern that this was to create a diversion while other Arrancar attacked Seireitei. As the 10th and 11th Divisions had most experience with our foes, we were detailed to go outside the wall and defend Soul Society. Renji and Rukia were to stay with Captain Yamamoto as advisers. The other divisions would remain on alert ready to repel any possible sneak attack.

Captain Hitsugaya quickly outlined the strategy we should adopt for fighting. It was obvious from his comments that he had briefed the division previously regarding the Arrancar fighting techniques and I wondered when he'd had the time, the realised I had been absent for a little time, caught up with Zaraki. He had used his time well and did not need to provide a lengthy explanation.

I registered that Zaraki was also fighting the Arrancar and wondered what he would think about them and how they would manage to respond to his unique fighting style. Never did I consider that he would be hurt or killed; not Zaraki.

After the Captain finished issuing instructions, we quickly went to the area in Soul Society where the Arrancar had appeared. I could hear people screaming as we approached. I drew my zanpaku-to and then stopped, surprised. I had not expected to see Hollows and the Arrancar working together.

There were many Arrancar and Hollows, fighting against Shinigami and the residents of Soul Society. I couldn't work out what they wanted, why they were here. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw some members of the 11th Division, but did not allow that to take my mind off the reason I was here. I had to defend the innocent souls. As I tried to fight, I found my frustration level rising. Each time I tried to engage an Arrancar or Hollow in battle, they backed away from me and would not fight and I began to wonder what was going on. Other Shinigami were fighting. Why wouldn't they fight me?

I decided to use this. Each time I saw an Arrancar or Hollow sneaking up behind a Shinigami, I would move in front of them. It worked well and managed to prevent many from being injured, and I even killed a few, but I still felt cheated. I was here to fight. My temper was piqued by this behaviour. What was going on?

As I continued to try to fight, I was stunned when a hand grabbed my arm and yanked me around a corner into a grimy deserted dead end alleyway, removed from the battle. I spun around to see who it was and felt a pair of lips fasten on mine as hands groped my breasts, fondling them. A familiar scent assailed me. Gin! It took a few seconds to collect my thoughts and I grabbed his hands, removing them from my breasts and I wrenched my mouth from his. I wanted to slap him. What did he think he was doing?

"The traitor returns. Why are you here, Ichimaru?" I was staring at Gin, who was gripping my hands in his, when I heard Zaraki's voice address him. Colour flooded my cheeks. He'd seen Gin kissing me and holding me by the hands the day we married. This was not good. This was the worst thing I could imagine as I realled Zaraki expressing his jealousy of Gin. How had Zaraki known where I was? How did he get here so quickly?

I looked at Zaraki, who was lounging against a building, but he was staring at Gin with inhuman hatred in his eyes. The frown on his face filled me with foreboding and his knuckles were white. I hoped he wouldn't look at me in the same way. Would he give me a chance to explain?

"None of your business. I just came to collect something I'd forgotten. Ran, you're coming with me. I've decided to forgive you and Aizen agreed you should be with me." Gin, smiled his normal smile and nonchalantly took me by the arm. I struggled against the grip. I didn't want him to touch me.

"She's not a belonging for you to forget or collect. She is my wife. Get your filthy turncoat hands off her, you gutless bastard." The rage in Zaraki's voice scared me. I did not want to see him like this.

Gin's eyes opened in astonishment at Zaraki's words and I could see the coloured irises. He must have been surprised by the news and the smile slipped from his face. "She's your what?" The disbelief in his voice was manifest. I had never seen him lose his composure so quickly.

I finally managed to get Gin to release his grip by ramming my elbow into his stomach. Running to Zaraki's side, I took his hand in mine and faced the former Captain.

"I'm his wife. We were married this morning." I said the words to my erstwhile love, while he clutched his stomach. My words were brave but I felt nervous at the aftermath of this confrontation. Zaraki would have something to say to me about the kiss and I did not look forward to the conversation, assuming of course he didn't encourage me to leave with Gin. I was worried he would remove his hand from mine.

"That's recent, and pretty fast work on your part, Ran. Another Captain! Look, Ran, I've said I've forgiven you for having sex with Aizen. He explained that you were lonely and looking for comfort and begged him to screw you. What could he do? He told me he took pity on you, for my sake." Gin shook his head as if dismissing the matter. "Aizen predicted that your division would be sent to fight because of your experience with the Arrancar in the real world. He was right and because of that, I'll even forgive you for marrying this thug. Come with me now, I don't have long. The diversion is only meant to last a few minutes until I found you. You want to come with me; you know you love me." Gin sounded very sure of my acceptance of his demand. His tone was condescending.

I gazed in astonishment at my former lover. His words made my heart harden even more against him. Aizen had explained, had he? I wondered at Aizen's motives in permitting Gin to return to Seireitei to collect me. Did he plan on more 'friendly' rapes?

"She's not going with you, Ichimaru. I told you she's my wife." Zaraki let me hold his hand, but was not responding. His voice was cold. I glanced at him and saw the hatred remained in his eyes while his lip curled in disdain at the man standing in front of us. I felt my heart falter. This was a disaster.

I didn't want Zaraki to be the only one who protested; I intended to stay with him. "I'm not coming with you, Gin. I'm not leaving my husband. I love him, more than I ever loved you. My husband is not a thug. I tried to tell you what happened between Aizen and me but you preferred to believe the bastard who raped me. Yes, Aizen raped me. I didn't beg him for sex. I tried to explain to you but you never listened, you would only walk away. Aizen poisoned your mind against me and you were happy to believe him, but not me. I don't love you, Gin, not anymore, not ever again. I love my husband." The words spilled from my mouth as I denied my former love.

Again Gin looked at me in astonishment. Zaraki let go of my hand and my heart sank, fearing it was a sign of rejection, but he quickly placed an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. "You heard my wife, Ichimaru. She's chosen me, not you." Zaraki released me and drew his zanpaku-to. "Now you die, traitor. I have many reasons to kill you, but I'll content myself with making this fast."

Gin quickly unsheathed his zanpaku-to in response. "You're only saying that because you're scared of him, Ran. I understand. Sorry to make you a widow on your wedding day. If you want I'll marry you once he's dead, maybe. I assume the marriage has not yet been consummated. You wouldn't have had much chance to screw before or after your visit to the human world, Ran. You'll forget him in time. He's a mistake. I'll kill him and then you'll come with me."

"You won't kill him and the marriage has been consummated. You don't understand, Gin. I love him, I'm not scared of him and I don't want to marry you. You can't make me leave him or forget him." The man assumed too much and was not listening to me. He must have remembered how much I hated that.

"We've fucked regularly Ichimaru and she is so hot I wonder why you let her go. It just proves what a fool you are. You interrupted our second 'consummation'. I was deep inside my wife when the alarm sounded. She was moaning loudly, telling me how good I felt, how she loved it when I was fucking her. She is so eager, I get hard thinking about her. What's the record for one day, beloved? Five, six, seven times? I haven't kept count."

I felt embarrassed at Zaraki's frankness. At the same time I knew he was proving a point and claiming me again, this time from my previous love. I just wished he'd been a little less graphic because it made me realise how much I wanted him, right now. I glanced toward Gin to see his reaction.

Gin paled at the words and his expression was incredulous. "You're lying. That can't be right. Come with me, Ran. You don't have to lie anymore. This animal is just a stop gap while you were waiting for me. You let me kiss you."

My zanpaku-to was already in my hand and I didn't remember drawing it. I moved quickly toward Gin, preparing to fight him. I swung at him and his blade intercepted mine.

"He's not an animal, a thug or a stop gap. I told you, I love him. I didn't let you kiss me. You kissed me and I pushed you away. You never did listen to me, did you Gin? You always walked away. You're still not listening." I felt so frustrated. I wanted him to go away and never return. I thrust my blade toward his smile, and he knocked it away before it cut him.

"Wife, I think I'm meant to fight him, not you. You're not supposed to battle him if you're the prize that is being fought over. He wants to take you, I won't let him. Understand? I have to fight him. I like a good fight and I've always wanted to see Ichimaru's moves." I thought I heard a hint of laughter in Zaraki's voice.

"But he's insulted you, and he won't listen to me. I'm angry with him." I thought about his words for a moment and decided to humour him. "Okay, you can fight him, this time but I'm not the prize. I'm staying with you no matter what happens." I pulled back and sheathed my zanpaku-to, reluctantly. Gin was shaking his head in wonderment. It was obvious I had not acted as he expected.

Zaraki moved fast and I heard the clash as his zanpaku-to met Gin's blade. "I don't want to fight you, Kenpachi. Just let me take the woman." Gin did not sound as self assured as before.

"Now I'm Kenpachi? Not a thug or an animal. Nice. Are you deaf? She's said she doesn't want to go with you and I won't let her go. Now shut up and fight." Zaraki pressed his advantage and Gin fell back.

"I don't want to fight you. Why fight for something that's already mine? She's mine, always has been. She doesn't love you. How could she? She loves me, always has. I'll come back for you later, Ran when you've come to your senses."

Gin vanished from sight as he used his shun-po to move toward the fighting. I heard him call out an order. A few seconds later, I noticed the sounds of fighting become much less as the Arrancar withdrew through a fissure that opened in the sky. I heard shouting and jeering from the Shinigami as the Arrancar left. The fissure in the sky closed and I faced Zaraki.

He was looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face. I was terrified at what he would say and held my breath while I searched his face for any sign of anger or disgust. Fear of rejection made my throat close. This was a trial I had not expected

"I'm sorry. I didn't kiss him. He grabbed me and kissed me. I was pushing him away." I tried to explain. The thought that I might have hurt Zaraki disturbed me.

He didn't say anything, just kept looking at me. His eyes, his face told me nothing. I didn't want to look at him but could not remove my gaze. Why wasn't he speaking? I felt beads of perspiration form on my brow. My hands were shaking as I realised how important the next few moments were. "Talk to me. Yell at me if you want. I don't want Gin. I married you. I love you."

"I know." I looked at Zaraki in amazement. This was unexpected. He wasn't reacting the way I thought he would.

"You stood there and told the man you had loved for so long that you loved me. You denied him and chose me. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it and heard it. Then after he insulted me, you tried to fight him. Beloved, Matsumoto." Zaraki embraced me, holding me tight against him. "I never would have expected you to do that."

I didn't know what to think. Zaraki was holding me so close, with such care, as if I was infinitely precious to him. I shut my eyes and leant against him, grateful for his strength and his warmth. I wondered if there was a quiet place nearby where we could be alone. It seemed too far to return to his place or mine. Seeing my former lover had shocked me and made me realise that while lust was important, I did love this strange man who was holding me. All the same, the lust was pretty strong.

"Um, Matsumoto." Zaraki's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Yes?" I rubbed my face against his bared chest, revelling in the feel of his skin against my cheeks. I wished we hadn't been interrupted earlier. My lust was still unsated and being near him was getting to me.

"Do you want to go back home or do you want to rent a room here?" As he spoke, I noticed Zaraki was again aroused. "We were interrupted, and if we stay here, no one will know where we are. There'd be no one knocking at the door, no people coming by to check the rumour of our marriage. Just the two of us, alone, naked and fucking. We'll go back tomorrow, but I want to spend the rest of the day being anonymous." He kissed me after he finished speaking. Damn those kisses. How convincing they were.

"Quickly," I said. "Find somewhere, as long as it's clean and quiet or I'll ask you to take me here and now."

"I sort of hoped you'd say that. I'll have you now." Zaraki pulled me around the corner of a building, into a narrow, very short passage that hid us from view. His next action was to try to split the seam in my hakama as he had before.

I pushed his hands away. "I've only got these with me, Zaraki. I don't want to go the whole length of Soul Society and Seireitei wearing you Captain's coat. You'd have to carry me and I can just imagine the gossip."

Zaraki fastened his lips to mine as he pushed my hakama around my ankles. I couldn't believe it. We were in an alleyway in Soul Society and Zaraki was intending to screw me when we could be interrupted by any stray passer-by. I'd been joking earlier, but if I was honest, I wanted him to take me immediately. Then we could rent a room somewhere.

"I'll have to fuck you standing up again. I don't want you lying on this ground." Zaraki had released his erection and quickly picked me up and entered me in one smooth movement. I groaned in pleasure as he entered me. I didn't care who saw us. I wanted him badly. My back was against a dingy building, but that wasn't important either. It was helping support me. Zaraki was holding me close, fully sheathed within me, not moving. "Admit it. You want me to take you like this, when anyone could see us. Anyone will be able to see that I'm fucking you and you're enjoying it." As he spoke, Zaraki started to move into me, slowly at first and increasing in speed.

"I admit it." I managed to utter the words as Zaraki began to lick my neck. He was taking me hard and his tongue was rousing me to even greater heights of passion.

I wondered what Gin would say if he saw us now, totally caught up in each others bodies. Then I didn't think about Gin. All I could think of was Zaraki and sex. I shut my eyes as he plunged into me. Without warning I found myself tightening around his penis. The arousal I had experienced when were interrupted, had barely left me. I whimpered slightly, not understanding what was happening.

Zaraki increased his pace, holding me tight against him. I could feel my back pushing into the wall as he continued to take me forcefully. My skin felt like it was on fire and my senses were being overwhelmed.

"Quiet. You're moaning loudly. You'll attract the attention of someone." Zaraki's voice was harsh with passion.

"I can't." I gasped. "I'm too close to coming."

Zaraki covered my mouth with his as I opened my mouth to scream with the intensity of the orgasm, but the noise was still noticeable. My eyes squeezed tight as I shuddered in the throes of passion. Zaraki seemed caught up in my fervour and came shortly afterward.

I was gasping for air and my heart was pounding. I wasn't sure my legs would support my weight as Zaraki lowered me to the ground. Quickly, I picked up my hakama and put them on and then leant against the wall, needing the support. Zaraki looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"What's the problem?" He seemed to be unaffected by the exertion but concerned about me.

"My legs don't want to hold me up. I need to lie down." It was also a good excuse to remain in Soul Society for the night.

"I can carry you. Your Captain isn't here to make comments about it." Zaraki came toward me.

"Um, not this time, please. Just hold me around the waist and let me lean on you. We don't want Soul Society gossiping about us as well." I felt there might be enough rumours circulating already.

Zaraki looked disappointed, but quickly came and held me close to his side as we walked around the corner. At the end of the alleyway I noticed a familiar figure, facing the other direction and stopped, blushing with shock and embarrassment. No one would have interrupted us. Not with Ikkaku guarding the only entrance to the alley.

"Hi, Ikkaku." I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"You really enjoy having sex with the Captain, don't you Ran? I could hear you moaning and screaming his name from here." Ikkaku said as he turned around and then catching sight of his Captain he bit his lip. His head flushed a bright red as his eyes darted from my face to Zaraki's. "Um, I didn't mean to say that. Please forget I said that, Captain, Lieutenant.

I wasn't sure who was more embarrassed. He'd heard me screaming. I wished that he hadn't heard that, or I'd had more self control. I glanced at Zaraki who smiled as if he'd received a compliment.

"I won't forget. It's true; she does. Madarame, what are you doing here? I thought you would have returned to Seireitei now the fighting was over. Why are you hanging around?" Zaraki was holding me possessively.

"You told me to watch Ran. I did. After I told you I saw the traitor grab Ran, I watched where you went. When the Arrancar left and you stayed in the alleyway, I thought I'd remain here, to make sure you weren't interrupted…" Ikkaku faltered as he decided to avoid mentioning what we were doing. "I thought you'd want me to escort you back to Seireitei."

"We're not going back today. I know what you're going to say, but I want a break." Zaraki smiled at his 3rd seat. "Too many damned disruptions. We're staying here overnight, if we can find an inn or some place to stay. You can go back, keep an eye on things. Was anyone injured of killed?"

"Some people hurt, but no one dead. I know a place, not far from here. It's clean, quiet and discreet. The food isn't bad either. I'll take you there." Ikkaku seemed keen to cover up his mistake. "I could stay outside and make sure no one interrupts."

"No. I'd like you to return in case the Captain-General wants a report. Explain I will be back tomorrow." Zaraki's mouth was set in a firm line.

"Okay, but you'll have to tell me what happened. The inn is this way." Ikkaku began walking and we followed. Zaraki kept his arm around my waist as we walked, holding me close. We didn't speak as we walked. I was still in shock from seeing Gin again and the passionate sex afterward.

People looked at us strangely as we walked past. I remembered that when I lived in Soul Society, it was rare to see Shinigami. It was even rarer to see more than one at a time. They probably were wondering why Zaraki was holding me close. I was pleased I had persuaded him to let me walk as we were attracting enough attention, but Zaraki appeared not to notice.

Ikkaku stopped outside a two storey traditional inn. The place appeared well kept and the foyer was clean and fragrant with the aroma of baking. The patron obviously recognised Ikkaku but stopped himself from greeting him by name when he saw the white Captain's coat worn by Zaraki. The innkeeper was a short well fed man with a receding hairline and a warm smile. His eyes moved between the three of us as if trying to work out what we could require.

"I am honoured by your presence in my inn. How may I assist you, Captain? All my humble resources are at your command." He smiled at me carefully and then turned his attention to Zaraki.

"The best room you have. They got married this morning and want some privacy." Ikkaku was direct and answered on our behalf. He was as candid as his Captain.

"Married, this morning? And you came to fight the Arrancar? You may certainly have the best room. Please follow me." The owner led us up some stairs into a large traditional tatami room that was far from the other rooms. The walls were freshly painted an unassuming shade of cream and the mats were already laid out. The room was clean and fresh. A vase containing orchids was on a small table. A doorway attracted my attention and I wondered where it led.

"This room is separated from the others and provides the most privacy. If you prefer, we do have a room with a European style bed. The feature of this room is the small bathhouse that is just through that door." The patron gestured at the doorway I was wondering about.

I looked up at Zaraki and saw his eyes light up at the words bathhouse and he looked at me meaningfully, his arm tightening around me. I blushed again.

"This room will be fine. Could you send up some food, tea, sake, whatever. Something. We haven't eaten today and she needs her food. Got to keep her energy levels high or she goes to sleep." The innkeeper nodded and left. "See you later, Ikkaku." Zaraki loosened his arm from around my waist and both arms now embraced me, pulling me tightly against him.

"Wait, Captain. I need to know what happened with the traitor." Ikkaku looked intently at his Captain and seemed apprehensive about the answer.

"Ichimaru came for Matsumoto. He decided he wanted to take her with him. She refused and then I fought him a little, but the bastard ran away. Coward. Didn't get a chance to judge his moves." Zaraki related the events briefly, his tone cool and flat. He continued to hold me, not letting go when I tried to pull away, embarrassed by the public display of affection.

"He came for Ran? She refused?" Ikkaku looked at me incredulously. "You said no to Ichimaru? You must have; you're still here. I'll have to tell Yachiru. Maybe now she'll believe that you love our Captain." Ikkaku bowed to me. "Thank you for being faithful to my Captain."

"What the hell are you talking about? I married Zaraki. Why would I go with Gin?" That was three people who had trouble believing I'd married Zaraki for love, not desperation. I gave in to my craving and placed my arms around Zaraki.

"Ikkaku, get out. We're here for privacy. Ask the inn keeper to leave the food or whatever outside the door as I don't want to be interrupted. Understand?" Zaraki spoke forcefully. "Shut the door on the way out."

Ikkaku appeared to want to say something more, but looking at the implicit threat on Zaraki's face, thought better of it and left, shutting to door quietly behind him.

As the door shut, I removed Zaraki's eye patch and tossed it over his shoulder. Zaraki's mouth descended onto mine. I craned my neck toward him, wanting to feel his lips on mine. As he kissed me, my lips parted and his tongue slowly inserted itself into my mouth. It was a kiss that started slowly, carefully, as if he was testing to see my reaction. As my tongue touched his, the passion seemed to flare and he began to kiss me with more ardour. How could I not respond? He pulled me tight against him with one hand while the other ran through my hair. My hands were on his shoulders pulling him down further. Eventually he pulled his mouth from mine.

He didn't say anything, just looked deep into my eyes. I could see my desire reflected in his eyes. The intensity scared me a little but I could not take my eyes from his. His hand reached out and cupped my cheek softly. A smile spread over Zaraki's face and the intensity faded.

"A bath house, beloved. I feel in need of a bath after the fighting and the sex. Do you wish to interrupt me? Or will you join me?"

I felt his hands move to my uniform. I quickly removed all my clothing before it ended up in pieces.

Zaraki grinned as I threw my clothes to the floor. "That's better. Though I miss ripping your clothes off. It's more fun and much faster."

A quiet tap on the door drew his attention. He went to investigate and returned with a laden tray which he placed on the table. I walked over to investigate only to be captured by Zaraki's hands which began to rove over my body.

"Do you want to eat now," he asked raising an eyebrow at me.

In answer I began to remove his clothes and he soon stood before me as naked as I except for the band of cloth around his neck. I noticed something hard in the pocket and looked inside. Zaraki had brought the small bottle of oil. I coloured when I saw it.

"That's not really an answer, Lieutenant."

"It's not meant to be, Captain. Let's just see what's on the tray and then we can bathe. It would be a pity to let any hot food go cold." He had guessed correctly earlier. I was hungry. The last meal we'd had was the impromptu wedding meal Ikkaku and Yumichika had provided.

The food on the tray was interesting. Oysters, asparagus, chocolate, chicken cooked with celery, beef thinly sliced with onion, fish cooked in a miso broth, sake, hot tea, rice, honey cake, a jar of honey to go with the cake and a bottle labelled 'Mead'. I smiled to see that.

"What's mead?" Zaraki asked as if expecting me to know the answer.

"An old European drink that was traditionally served to newly weds for the first lunar month after their marriage. It's made of honey. It's the origin of the word honeymoon. I've heard about it, but never tasted it."

I sat down and began to eat. If my guess was correct the rest of the day and all the night would consume a lot of energy. Zaraki sat next to me. For a few moments I was unsure what he was planning, but he began to eat. He seemed to enjoy the oysters.

"I don't think you need those, Zaraki." I said quietly.

"What do you mean?" He raised an eyebrow at me questioningly.

"They're an aphrodisiac. Most of this food is."

"I know, but every little bit helps. Here." Zaraki fed me an oyster, than another, then some asparagus. "That's a good lieutenant." He continued to feed me.

I retaliated and placed some honey cake in his mouth. He took my hand and after swallowing the cake he licked the honey off my fingers slowly. Pulling my face close to his, he kissed me again.

"Have you had enough food? Hmmm? Enough to keep you awake? I think you need a bath. Look at the honey you spilled." Zaraki grabbed the container of honey and deliberately poured some over my breasts as he spoke. He pushed me onto my back as his head descended and he licked the honey off slowly and thoroughly, occasionally sucking my nipples. I moaned as his mouth stirred me. He dipped his fingers into the honey and then coated my nipples, with a sure touch. As he sucked my nipples I became even more excited. He placed his sticky fingers in my mouth and I licked the honey from them as he continued to arouse me.

"It's no good. You need a bath." Zaraki left the room to prepare the bath. I was surprised he hadn't just taken me on the floor.

When I looked I could see no traces of honey on my breasts, but my vision was a little off due to the haze of lust I was experiencing. I would have agreed to nearly anything as long as it involved sex with him. "You're just saying that because you want to get me into a bath." I knew his motives.

'Yeah, course I do. Come on woman. You're keeping me waiting." Zaraki returned to the bedroom and obviously decided that he didn't want to wait anymore. As I rose to my feet, he picked me up and carried me through the door into the bathhouse.

The innkeeper had been correct. It was a small bathhouse, but the bath was large enough for three normal people, which meant it was large enough for Zaraki and me. When the bath was ready, Zaraki unceremoniously dropped me in the water and quickly joined me. He didn't bother pretending to wash me but began to stroke my breasts and the rest of my body.

"When you interrupted me, I thought of dragging you into the bath and having you there. It wouldn't have worked then, but it will this time." Zaraki admitted before me kissed me.

Now I understood his other objective. He wanted to fulfil another of his fantasies.

* * *

A.N.

I keep adding plot to the smut. One chapter in the future might be all plot and no smut.

Thank you to the people who have reviewed. Please review this chapter.


	10. The Risk

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Risk**

After kissing me, Zaraki sat down in the bath and pulled me astride him, my knees supported by the seat. He leant back, his arms resting on the bath and looked at me as if considering the situation. "Do you want to be in charge this time?"

I was still highly aroused from when he had been licking my breasts and I could only think about how soon we would have sex. His words were cut off as I rose on my knees, more than ready to comply. Slowly I grasped his erection and lodged the head inside me, feeling it stretching me slightly as I easily slid onto him, impaling myself unhurriedly. I wanted to feel every centimetre enter me, as this time I was in control, and I sought to remain in control, for as long as I could. As I moved, Zaraki's eyelids lowered slightly and he sighed deeply. I captured his mouth with mine and began to kiss him as I enjoyed the feeling of him entering me, filling me completely, and easing the ache I had begun to feel earlier. The water lapped around us, gently undulating, as we continued to kiss. I placed my hand on his cheek as my tongue caressed his. Now he was fully sheathed inside me and I revelled in the feeling, knowing that he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

The kiss made me want to feel the motion. Drawing my mouth from his, I gazed at him steadily as I placed my hands on his shoulders for support. Bracing my knees I moved up and down on his penis, needing the action, needing him to satisfy me.

It felt different with the warm water lapping around me, agitated by my actions. It made me feel more buoyant and made the movement easier but I could not move quite as fast as I wanted, which was disappointing. As I began to quicken the pace, Zaraki's hands moved, gripping me by the hips and preventing me from moving. I looked at him. His eyes were fixed on my breasts which were being moved by the water and he bent his head, as if trying to catch one in his mouth, but the water moved it away. I cupped the breasts and offered them to his mouth. His lips immediately seized one and he licked it slowly. His hands, his mouth held me captive and I could feel a surge of desire overtake me, but as I was a prisoner to him, I could do nothing.

"Zaraki." He ignored me and began to suck my breast, continuing to prevent my movement. "Zaraki!"

He opened his eyes and looked at me, while continuing to nuzzle my breasts. He knew what he was doing and so did I. He was enticing me because he enjoyed making me surrender to passion and become overcome with desire for him. I clenched my muscles around his penis and his eyes widened as I did so, as if he was surprised.

"I didn't know you could do that voluntarily. I like it. Do it again." His voice was rough as he spoke, as if he was finding it difficult to talk.

"Of course I can and I won't. Why are you preventing me from moving?" I knew he'd answer that question.

"Why not? The longer I stop you, the quicker you lose control. The more time I spend inside you, the harder I get. Face it, beloved. You aren't in control, as much as I know you want to be." His mouth returned to my breast which I was still cupping. He began to suck harder as his hands began to gently knead my thighs. I still couldn't move. His tongue was arousing me so I pushed my breast closer to his mouth, hoping he would continue. Gently he began to bite my nipple and I wanted to feel him moving within me so much, I almost begged.

Realising there was no point in protesting and becoming more stimulated by the moment; I released my breast and ran my fingers through his hair. It had a different texture to Gin's hair, coarser and longer. I cupped some water in my hands and trickled it over his head, wondering what his reaction would be. In response he started to bite my nipple harder, teasingly. I poured more water over his head thinking about how much I wanted to kiss him. He was driving me crazy with his need to be in control.

"Offer me the other breast. Come on Matsumoto. You're getting more excited. I can feel you getting wetter. Stop playing with the water and play with me," Zaraki ordered.

"How can I play with you when you won't allow me to move? I want to kiss you." I looked at his face and noticed the water drops scattered here and there.

He drew his lips back in a smile, gazing at my mouth as he spoke. "You only had to ask."

I licked some of the droplets of water from his face slowly, letting my tongue caress his face and then kissed his lips as his hands moved to hold me close to him. Taking advantage of the loss of restraint I began to move on him as fast as I could, impatient for him. His hands quickly returned and stilled me for all I tried to distract him with my tongue.

"Offer me your other breast and I might consider allowing you some control." He demanded, his lips soft against mine.

"No. Let me have control and I might consider allowing you my other breast." I moved my mouth down to the base of his throat and began to lick him gently, being careful to remain distant from the band of cloth.

"You've convinced me," Zaraki sighed, after a few minutes of allowing me to pay those attentions. His hands released me and I stayed still for a few moments longer as I continued to lick his neck. I then bit him, tiny little nibbling bites at the base of his neck and across his shoulders. Zaraki leant his head back against the wall of the bath and opened his eyes. "I thought you wanted control."

"I really want you to let go and forget all. I want you to be lost to everything but me and what we're doing." I kissed him again. As I kissed him I began to move on him again, slowly at first and gradually increasing the speed, feeling his hard penis entering me, as I pushed on to him. It felt so good and I was excited from being confined for so long while I wanted him. I was still restricted by the water, but not enough to stop me from becoming more excited and enjoying him so much.

Zaraki began to thrust upwards. He also seemed to find the water did not allow him the speed he wanted. He growled slightly. I let my tongue explore his mouth, distracting him from the inability to thrust into me as fast as he wanted. Despite the slower movement, I found having sex in the bath erotic. The movement of the water around us, the heat, Zaraki being close to me and allowing me control were driving me closer to coming. His skin was hot and his hands were touching me, arousing me even more.

Zaraki stopped being irritated by the water and built into a rhythm of thrusting into me that excited me. I met each thrust, feeling the heat flood my body as my arousal increased. I rested my head on his shoulder as we continued to move together. I was panting heavily and felt a flush rising through me. Grabbing his shoulders, I felt my body reacting to his and my orgasm swept me away.

I felt warm hands caressing my back and lips kissing my cheek. I was still leaning against him, my arms around his neck.

"Beloved, out of the bath. Come on. Kiss me."

I kissed Zaraki without thinking of anything else. He lifted me gently from his lap and sat me next to him. I could feel his cum spill out of me with the removal of his penis.

"Matsumoto, we've got to go back to Seireitei and fast. This love stuff has screwed my judgement. You have to be protected and Soul Society is easier to attack than Seireitei. If the Arrancar came back now, you could be at risk. We know Gin and Aizen want you with them and I'm not even going to think about why or I'll want to kill both of them more than I already do. I don't want to be sidetracked. Quickly, get dressed, we've got to return." As he spoke, Zaraki was getting out of the bath and drying himself.

I looked at him stunned as I hadn't thought about it. Being with him made me feel safe, but he was right, it could be dangerous. I left the bath, dried and dressed myself as quickly as I could.

"We'll come back here later. When we've defeated the Arrancar we'll spend some time here, together." I said the words aloud promising myself and Zaraki some time distant from the demands of our positions.

Leaving the room we went downstairs. The innkeeper came to meet us, consternation showing in his face. "Is there some omission? Does the room displease you? Did the food not satisfy you?"

Zaraki shook his head. "We'll return. I've remembered something important. How much do I owe?"

"Your subordinate already paid the cost. As you are not staying the night, I will provide a special discount when you return. I'm sorry you had to cut short your honeymoon." The expression on his face seemed to support his words.

"For the second time," I thought, ruefully.

We left after polite thanks were exchanged. Without asking, Zaraki picked me up in his arms and began to run to the nearest gate. "I want to get you inside as soon as possible."

"You're usually saying you want to get inside me as soon as possible," I teased.

"That too. I want you protected, beloved." Zaraki was running faster than I could believe.

I had been right earlier; the residents of Soul Society turned and stared as we ran past. I blessed the stars that this time I was fully dressed. There would be talk, but it had finally dawned on me that the talk could not hurt me. Zaraki didn't care what people said and I thought I could trust him.

Arriving at the gate, the gate keeper did a double take seeing Zaraki and without saying a word, permitted us to enter. I breathed a sigh once we were back within the confines of Seireitei. I was unsure if it was release, or sadness. Slowing his speed somewhat he began to make his way through the streets but we did not seem to be heading to his house.

'Um, Zaraki. I think you're going the wrong way. Your home is in that direction." I pointed to the left.

"It's our home and we're not going there, yet." Zaraki did not falter but kept moving. As he ran on I noticed that we seemed to be heading to the 1st Division headquarters. A few minutes later I saw a large assembly of Shinigami moving toward us. I wondered where they were going. Looking closely I noticed my Captain, Ikkaku and Captain Ukitake were part of the assembly.

"Captain Zaraki, Lieutenant Rangiku, you are requested to attend the Captain-General immediately. We were on our way to find you and escort you on your return to Seireitei, but fortunately you have returned of your own accord." Captain Hitsugaya looked sternly at Zaraki.

"I was on my way to 1st Division, anyway. Hitsugaya, we need to talk about something we should do, but I want the Captain-General to agree with my plan." Zaraki was polite but firm.

My Captain frowned at Zaraki but nodded. Zaraki slowed his pace, placed me on my feet and we walked the few metres that remained.

Entering headquarters, I noticed the Captain-General looked very displeased with both of us. "I'm grateful lust hasn't completely robbed you of your tactical understanding, Captain. It would have been extremely dangerous and foolish for the Lieutenant to remain outside the protection of Seireitei. Ikkaku Madarame only provided the broadest of outlines and I need you to explain the situation fully." He sat there waiting, his eyes fixed on Zaraki.

"The traitor Gin Ichimaru admitted that the invasion of Soul Society was a ploy so he could take Lieutenant Matsumoto Rangiku to the Arrancar stronghold. Apparently Sosuke Aizen has an interest in the matter and I found the traitor trying to persuade the Lieutenant to leave with him. I convinced Ichimaru to leave without my wife, but he did say he would return." Zaraki was brief and to the point.

The Captain-General looked at me. "Did you encourage the traitor?"

"That's unfair, Sir. She told the bastard she loved me and wouldn't go with him. He didn't believe her. When he insulted me the Lieutenant tried to fight him." Zaraki admitted the last truth hesitantly.

A few people laughed at the comment and I flushed.

"I let you fight him when you asked," I said hotly. I thought it was important that this fact was mentioned.

"You tried to fight Ichimaru because he insulted Captain Zaraki? You were defending the Captain against words?" The Captain-General was smiling.

I looked at the ground. It wasn't funny. "He kept calling Captain Zaraki names like thug, animal and stop gap. He wouldn't believe I'd married the Captain out of love. Why is it so hard to believe?" I heard more laughter. Zaraki put his arm around me, heedless of the etiquette. I turned to him, wanting his comfort.

"Stop laughing." The Captain-General issued the order and the merriment in the room ceased. "Thank you, Lieutenant. I originally thought your marriage a mistake but now I believe that you do have some feelings for Captain Zaraki."

I refused to look at anyone. Dammit, now everyone knew what a fool I was.

"Sir, I make this demand. While this situation exists, I insist that I swap Lieutenants with the 10th Division Captain. It will only be temporary, but I do not wish to entrust the Lieutenant's safety with anyone else." Zaraki again made a request without consulting me. This time I thought I understood, but resented the request.

"Captain, I find that comment insulting. Are you implying that I cannot protect Matsumoto? I protected her in the human world." Captain Hitsugaya was cool in his response.

"Not very well. She nearly died, twice." Zaraki did not mince words as he held me closer. At one time I would have felt embarrassed at the contact. Now, I didn't care.

"I saved her, didn't I? She's alive." Toshiro was becoming terse. He was not happy with the criticism.

"If the traitors had wanted her while she was in the human world, could you have stopped them?" Zaraki's voice was steely and he released me to walk close to my Captain.

"Zaraki, I trust my Captain. He saved me and I owe him. Don't insult him, you weren't there." I was confused. I felt I owed loyalty to my Captain, but I didn't want to speak like this to Zaraki.

"I know I wasn't there. Don't get involved, Lieutenant, this is a matter for the Captains to work out." Zaraki was dismissive of my words.

I felt stung as he as again reminding me of my lesser status, but this time in front of the people who had witnessed our impromptu marriage hours earlier. I began to feel angry with the man and hurt at his dismissal of my opinion.

My Captain while listening to the interchange glanced at me. "Captain, I believe you have just insulted your bride."

"She'll get over it. Her feelings aren't important at the moment, but her safety is. If she can't see that this transfer would ensure her safety and protection, that's her problem." Zaraki addressed the Captain-General.

"Don't worry, Captain. Seeing it's my life you're talking about, maybe I should leave the room and you can let me know the decision. You'll find me at my house." I began to leave the room, ignoring the shocked looks the Captains were directing toward me.

"I didn't give you permission to leave." I felt my spine go taut at the words, remembering how Zaraki had said that to me earlier. Then I realised that the Captain-General had spoken.

I turned. "I apologise Captain Yamamoto. May I leave? I am obviously not required here." I refused to look at Zaraki.

The Captain-General's lips quirked into a smile. "Your marriage was a decision for the Captains to make and as you had already provided us with your feelings on the matter before I asked you to leave, but that does not apply in this case. I believe you should provide us with your thoughts."

"It's immaterial," I began.

"Don't be a fool, Matsumoto and stop overreacting. We'll talk later." Zaraki was again dismissive of me.

I felt like he'd slapped me and my temper began to rage. "I would prefer to stay with my Division. I trust my Captain and the people within the division." That was all I was prepared to say otherwise I would start yelling at him.

"I demand that we swap. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She needs to be protected against the traitors and the 11th Division contains the strongest Shinigami." Zaraki raised his voice.

"And a Captain who had not yet achieved bankai," muttered one of the other Captains in a disguised voice. I saw Zaraki flinch slightly at the insult, but he did not say anything. He stood straight and gazed at the Captain-General. I couldn't work out who said the comment, but I felt myself soften a little toward the man who had called me a fool.

"That comment was uncalled for. I would remind you that I do not wish this forum to be used to exchange insults." Captain Yamamoto's voice was stern and he directed a hard look at Soi Fong.

"I didn't say it," she protested. "Why would I mention something of which we are all aware? It's pointless and childish behaviour and unworthy of a Captain or any Shinigami to draw attention to something of that nature."

Zaraki nodded as if accepting her comments. I was certain Captain Fong had not made the unfortunately accurate observation.

"Can we return to the point? I do not want to swap Lieutenants and I don't think it's a good idea. You become used to working with your adjuncts and it would waste time learning to work with someone else for a short time and I refuse to make the transfer permanent. Matsumoto knows how 10th Division works and we need to maintain our strength." My Captain kept his voice calm as he voiced his objections. I smiled at him, pleased at his support.

"If you are that worried, Captain Zaraki, I will allocate some of my Secret Remote Division to guard the Lieutenant at all times. They will keep her safe." Soi Fong made the offer gracefully and I was surprised at her thoughtfulness.

"No, I want her moved to my Division." Zaraki was being stubborn and was still refusing to look at me.

I was about to respond and was startled to hear a voice that had mostly remained silent until now, speak to me. The venom and hatred in the words were undeniable. "I must admit I'm surprised you're still here, Lieutenant. I can see you've got everyone fooled, except me. I thought you would have gone with Ichimaru as soon as you saw him, unless it was planned and you passed on some of our tactics. That would be a believable strategy: seduce an unattached Captain, get him to trust you and then you can obtain all the secrets you want. I hadn't thought you were so good at acting, Lieutenant and you didn't have to go to the lengths you did. Sex and marriage are a little over the top for a spy, but I'm sure the rewards that were offered more than made up for any temporary inconvenience. Maybe Ichimaru finally offered you marriage as you've always hoped and that was the reason you agreed to take matters this far. I'm sure you're only pretending to love Captain Zaraki." Kurotsuchi sneered at me as he made the accusation. I didn't understand what I had done to offend him and the words hurt and terrified me at the same time.

"Keep your filthy mouth shut, Kurotsuchi," Zaraki had been roused to fury by his words.

"That's not true, Captain. I married Zaraki because I do love him." My words were ignored as Kurotsuchi addressed my husband.

"Face the facts, Zaraki. What would a woman like that see in you? She probably tried to work out who would be the most susceptible, easily manipulated, and after that, the decision was easy. It's a pity she didn't chose me, because I would have welcomed her attentions for a short while, until I tired of her but I'm too smart to be susceptible to her wiles. When you caught your 'wife' with Ichimaru, were they kissing? I think that would be a pretty clear indication that this has all been a scheme. Kissing another man on your wedding day. It makes me wonder what offers he made to her when you were there and her reaction to them. Did her rejection seem real, or was there any hesitation?" I felt my face flush as Kurotsuchi continued his attack on me. Zaraki had seen us kissing. The clever words and twisted suggestions made his story sound almost believable to my ears. My body became hot with anger as I wondered how I could refute these cunning insinuations.

Zaraki's face turned to stone. He glanced at me and then turned away. It was obvious he had witnessed the kiss and the touching and despite my words and denials, the words of another person made him question my actions and integrity. My anger at him was stifled and I felt a touch of fear. Gin had made the offer of marriage in front of Zaraki and I was sure Zaraki had heard the proposal. I had thought I had overcome the worst moments in my life with Zaraki but now I knew that those moments would be nothing compared to the trouble that this would generate.

"I'm not acting. Yes, Gin kissed me, but I didn't kiss him back, I pushed him away as soon as I realised who it was. I'm not plotting with anyone, why would I?" I could feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes as the accusations. "Zaraki, you can't believe these lies."

Zaraki steadfastly kept his head turned away, but he spoke again to the Captain-General. "I again demand that the woman be moved to my division. I will prevent any further interaction with the traitors and it would be best if I could keep watch on her activities." I saw a smile cross Kurotsuchi's face at his words, as he achieved his objective.

Captain Yamamoto glanced at the Captains and then looked meditatively at Zaraki. "Your request is denied, Captain Zaraki." I saw Zaraki open his mouth, ready to protest. "I have made my decision. Lieutenant Rangiku will remain at 10th Division. Lieutenant, you are hereby confined to Seireitei: you may not leave without my permission and your location within Seireitei will be monitored at all times. You will remain in Captain Zaraki's quarters, when you are not working, so that he may be certain that you are not fraternising with any undesirables."

"I would prefer to remain confined to the cells if there is to be any doubt about my loyalty to you and to Seireitei, Sir." The words were hard to say, but I was trying to maintain some dignity. I felt such pain at Zaraki's words and anger at his loss of trust in me.

"Your request is noted and denied," he interrupted. "Now I suggest you go to Captain Zaraki's quarters." He smiled kindly at me as I opened my mouth to protest. "I think you need to talk about a number of matters which have been mentioned during this meeting. You may go now and he will follow you shortly after he has provided me with further information about the Arrancar attack."

I shrugged, angry at him, furious at Zaraki and full of deadly hatred for Kurotsuchi. As I had been dismissed, I turned and walked out of the office, reluctantly returning to Zaraki's house. I didn't look to see if he was following, I didn't care.

Lost in bitter thoughts, I walked in the direction I had taken only recently in my husbands arms. Zaraki had again treated me like a subordinate and then called me a fool in front of the Captains. He was right: I was a fool, foolishly believing his words of love. I might be restricted to his quarters, but that didn't mean I had to talk to him, or even acknowledge his existence. The thing that was the most difficult to believe was the accusations made by Captain Kurotsuchi. I could see that Zaraki was questioning my honesty and it scared and angered me. Why had he done it? He had made it sound plausible that I was a spy who had married Zaraki for purely strategic reasons.

My thoughts were so absorbing I wandered on until I noticed I had reached Zaraki's house. Trying the door, I found it was unlocked. Pushing it open, I entered the room and realised I had never really seen the interior without other matters distracting me. There was no possibility I would enter the bedroom, for it was full of memories of when I had hope. I tried to work out where I would sleep in this room. None of the furniture looked like it was suited for that purpose. The room was pretty bare and obviously Zaraki did not really care how it appeared. Sinking onto a chair I sat there, despondently, looking at the floor and wondering what I could do about the intolerable situation.

The door opened but I didn't look up as I knew who it was. What was the point in looking at him? I'd only become angry and we would fight. This marriage might not last to the end of the day. I heard the door shut and footsteps moved close to me.

"One of the things you have to understand about the Captain is he doesn't think before he speaks." The voice was female. I looked up, amazed, to see Captain Unohana standing in front of me. "I thought you realised that long ago, but then it struck me that you know very little about him, and there is no great length of time in your relationship. It worried me that you married quickly, but you've spoken so convincingly of your feelings for the Captain that I'm sure you may be the one person who would be able to understand him; I could not. You are blunt and forthright, just like Zaraki and neither of you hide your feelings or thoughts. That was one of the things which drove me away from him, as he would speak without considering the consequences and the result would be that without meaning to, he'd insult me. The times he insulted me would have hurt more if I had loved Zaraki, but when I considered the matter, I found that although I liked and respected him, I could never love him. When I tried to understand him, it was impressed on me that we would never suit."

I looked at her wondering why she was telling me this. Why was she interested in an ex-lover's wife?

"Give him time and take the time to understand him and I urge you to be totally honest with him. I could tell from the expression on both your faces that the accusations from Captain Kurotsuchi were unexpected and may have roused those doubts that were lying dormant in your husband. I feel that some things that were said in the conversation with Ichimaru make the charges even more difficult to refute. You will have to prove your loyalty to Captain Zaraki once again, and that will be difficult in light of the allegations and the fact that the Captain saw the traitor kiss you. ."

"I didn't let him kiss me. I am not a spy, nor am I scheming with Gin, or anyone. He left me, and I told Zaraki the truth. I wouldn't lie to him because I promised him I wouldn't and anyway I'm bad at lying. Zaraki can always tell when I'm not telling the truth, so telling him lies is pointless. Gin did say he would marry me, maybe, once Zaraki was dead, but I don't want that anymore. I told him I loved Zaraki more than I ever loved him, but now I don't know if I want Zaraki after this. I certainly don't want Gin." I felt a tear escape from my eye and wiped it away angrily.

"I am sure that you would not go through such an elaborate charade for a few trivial plans that Aizen probably doesn't require. It will take your husband some time to see through the poisonous words because while they hurt you, they hurt him also and made him question a recent action: his marriage to you. You will have to be patient with him for some time and tolerate his anger, for he will be angry." Captain Unohana paused.

"Should I leave? Is there any chance?" The words emerged harshly from my mouth. It seemed unlikely, but it was possible.

The Captain's clear eyes gazed into my own. "I thought you said you weren't sure if you wanted Captain Zaraki, when you obviously do. If the Captain-General had any doubts about your loyalty, you would be confined to a cell and you would not have been permitted to remain with Captain Zaraki. The Captain-General asked for a full briefing of the events in Soul Society from your husband, in detail, after you left. I think he is trying to give him time to calm down and will most assuredly try to make him see reason about the accusations. We know how stubborn the Captain can be and he takes quite some time to calm down. When I thought about how upset you were when you left and how angry the Captain is, I decided to come here to provide you with some support as you are now the wife of my friend. I cannot overlook the fact that he acted thoughtlessly and listened to another person's opinion, but I urge you to forgive him and the hard words he said to you. When he returns you will have to spend some time convincing him that the accusations are lies. It will take time and probably lots of sex to sway him. He always did like sex." She smiled at me with a gleam in her eye. "Did you notice the revealing statement that the Captain of the 12th Division made when he was accusing you?"

I blinked as I thought about what Captain Kurotsuchi had said. The statement wasn't obvious to me and I shook my head.

"The Captain said 'It's a pity she didn't choose me, because I would have welcomed her attentions for a short while, until I tired of her, but I'm too smart to be susceptible to her wiles.' I think he's jealous; especially that he was not the unattached Captain you sought to seduce, if you follow his theory. Captain Zaraki will come to see the jealousy shortly, if he feels about you the way I believe he does, and if someone tells him. I think I may mention the matter to him but not today as he will still be too raw to think about it logically. Most of the Captains are astonished about your sudden relationship and obvious passionate feelings for each other."

I flushed at her words. "I'm not so sure about that, now."

"You wouldn't be reacting like this if you didn't feel that way. If the Captain of the 12th Division had not asked these questions now, they might have arisen later. I know you love your husband, Lieutenant, it's obvious even when you try to deny it, but he will never be like other men. If you love him you have to accept that. I would hate to see you destroy something so unexpected and so precious over a few words. Everyone is aware that you loved Gin Ichimaru for years even when he treated you badly and ignored you. Can't you extend that sort of understanding and tolerance to Captain Zaraki?" She looked at me keenly as if silently urging me to rethink my emotional reaction to the situation

I felt myself go cold at the mention of Gin. This fight had started as a result of Gin trying to abduct me. Gin had caused this whole disaster but I had to acknowledge the sense in her advice. "You're right," I agreed looking at the Captain understanding she was a good friend to Zaraki and she was trying to be a friend to me. "Thank you. You're being very kind to someone you don't know well. I will try to patch things up with Zaraki because even though he called me a fool and believed some very convincing lies, I love the man. This is the second time I've had to be grateful to you. I will never forget how kind you were the first time I needed help and you never demanded that I answer that question you asked. I couldn't tell you then and I don't want to tell you now but I thank you sincerely."

Her smile lit up her face and I could easily see why Zaraki had been attracted to her. "If you need to talk, please come and talk with me. You may need a friend once this particular problem is addressed. Yachiru will hate you and will remind her Captain of the possibility that you are not being honest with him or suggest that you are a spy. If you manage to get past that, your life will be constantly interrupted by his duties and responsibilities. His subordinates take up much of his time and attention. I do not envy you and I will try to help you adapt as much as I can. I will never tell your secret without your permission, but I think you should tell Zaraki everything. Farewell." She nodded at me and left, shutting the door quietly behind her.

I went and washed the tears from my face and tried to repair my appearance and then returned to my seat, unsure what to do. The anger with Zaraki was still there, a little tempered, but Captain Unohana had reminded me of the love I held for the man.

I heard someone approach the door and tried to remain calm. This was not going to be easy.

* * *

AN

Thanks to the people who have reviewed so far. Please review this chapter.


	11. The Fight

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Fight**

The door was flung open and Zaraki stormed into the room kicking the door shut behind him. He grabbed me, pulling me to my feet, ripping my uniform off with one hand as the other pulled my head close to his. I did not know how to react and expected him to kiss me, but pulled back, still experiencing anger and fear. Instead of the expected kiss, he bit my neck, the teeth sinking into my flesh and causing blood to flow out of the wound while his fingers dug into my shoulders. I cried out, trying to push him away, beating at his chest, scared by the violence and unprepared for the pain. Zaraki had scared me in Soul Society when he looked at Gin with hatred in his eyes and now he was scaring me even more. I had never experienced this type of violence from him and struggled in his firm grip. "Stop it. Let me go," I exclaimed.

"Does it hurt? It hurts to have your bride betray you on the day you marry her and then defy you in front of the people who witnessed the marriage. It hurts when your stupidity is revealed in front of other Captains. You've played me for a fool, haven't you? Pretending to love me, all the time waiting for your lover to come and get you. I don't care; you're not going with him. I married you, mistakenly thinking you loved me, and I'll keep you. You didn't have to tell me those lies about the rape, I know now it was just a ruse to gain my trust." Zaraki looked crazed with anger as he stared at me, my blood on his lips. He licked his lips and the blood was removed, but the anger in his eyes intensified. It made me wonder if the taste of blood further inflamed his rage.

"I didn't lie to you; I promised I wouldn't lie to you. Why would I lie about being raped? If you want to believe the words spoken by a man who hates me, then you're as bad as Gin. You can ask Renji…" I was feeling anger now, more than fear. I raised my voice at him and tried to wrench away from him, but he was too strong.

"Ask your former lover? How big a fool do you think I am? You've lied to me from the beginning, I can't trust you. When I entered the alleyway, the traitor was kissing you; he had his hands on your breasts and I couldn't see any resistance from you. You must have heard me arrive and pulled away to make it look convincing. All the lies you told him about loving me; it was good, I believed it, but he didn't because he knew you only said the words to convince me. It all makes sense, the flinching, the way you've reacted to me when I've touched you, the strange expression you had on your face when I told you I cared. You pretended it was because you were trying to stop yourself from telling me you loved me." His hands were now holding me by my wrists, hurting me, as he applied more pressure in his anger.

"Why would I go through all this, Zaraki, just to find out some tactics? Aizen wouldn't need to have a spy here, he knows everyone, how they think, how they react. In all the years he was here, he observed everyone, and watched us all. If he wanted a spy, why not leave Gin or Tosen here to report to him as they would be involved in all the strategic decision? I'm only a lieutenant, as you keep reminding me. It hurts me that you believe Captain Kurotsuchi, the one who made the comment about you not reaching bankai." I was so annoyed that he wasn't seeing sense but then I saw Zaraki become still at the statement. "I recognised his voice once he started speaking to me. He tried to disguise his voice when he made the comment, but he wasn't as clever as he thought."

"More lies." Zaraki's eyes blazed into mine as his grip on my wrists tightened even more. It hurt.

"Zaraki, think, please, think. The man hates me for some reason, maybe because I didn't try to seduce him, or he has some other reason that I don't know." My anger was becoming tempered by fear and pain. This was much worse than I had anticipated.

Ignoring me, Zaraki mused aloud, "I can't believe how blind I've been. You kept me sidetracked by constant screwing and told me some sob story to gain my pity. Now you deny the truth when you've been found out. I've said I'm keeping you; you will remain my wife and you will continue to service me sexually, but that's it. We will live in the same house and sleep in the same bed so I can fuck you whenever I want, but don't expect any care. I'll be watching your every move and you will never leave my side. Do you understand? When you are not at 10th Division you will be with me every moment." He released my arms and watched my face closely.

I closed my eyes in despair. If he loved me, I would want nothing more than being with him every moment I could, but his tone, his manner made it sound like an unpleasant threat. If he disliked and distrusted me as his attitude implied, any time spent with him would be disagreeable for both of us. I felt a sting of pain and managed to drag a hand out of his grasp, put my hand to my neck where he had bitten me. Drawing it away, I noticed fresh blood on my fingers.

"You think that bite hurt, do you? I told you it hurts to be betrayed, like you've betrayed me. You wanted to see what was under this band of cloth earlier. Think of the bite as payment for what I'm about to show you. Feast your eyes, Ran; have a good look. Keeping my other wrist within his grip, Zaraki pulled the band of cloth from around his neck.

The use of the name was a shock. Gin had used it, but until now Zaraki had never called me by that name. I didn't like that name on his tongue; I wanted him to call me 'beloved' but that would never happen again. It was proof that what we had was now broken.

Looking at his neck, it was obvious why he wore the strip of cloth. A large, livid welt had been hidden under the band; the welt encircled his whole neck and looked as if something had cut in deeply. I suppressed an exclamation as I looked, horrified at the sight. I didn't want to look but couldn't drag my eyes away. "How? Why? Who?"

"This, this is the result of a betrayal of trust, or the product of stupidity. Shortly after I became Captain, Tosen asked me to visit him and toasted me with some sake. It was drugged. He tried to hang me, when I was unconscious. I don't know if he had any help, but I'm sure he did. At the time I didn't believe that this place is corrupt, and to trust anyone is the act of an idiot. Ikkaku and Yumichika had followed me, against my instructions and found me, cutting me down before my neck broke. The rope cut into my skin and the mark won't fade. If it hadn't been for the drugged sake, it wouldn't have happened. There was an enquiry but it was his word against mine as there were no other witnesses and no one would believe Tosen would do something like that. The story was hushed up because it made it look like the Captains weren't united. For a short while Tosen was under investigation, but Aizen spoke on his behalf, saying that no harm was done and I was being difficult, trying to provoke trouble because I was new and undisciplined. No harm was done: to him or Tosen; bastards, it didn't matter what happened to me. Now you're betraying me with another one of the traitors." Zaraki's voice was harsh and angry and it made me nervous.

I felt a pang of compassion for him and my anger ebbed away to be replaced by a growing sadness. I reached out my free hand to touch his neck, but he grabbed it tightly before I could reach him. "Does it hurt?" Why had I asked such a stupid question?

"No. Come on, I want to fuck. You're still my wife and I don't care if you enjoy it, or if I hurt you." His grip on my hand tightened and I felt my fingers being crushed by his. Zaraki growled and began to drag me to the bedroom and I resisted, scared of how it would be.

"Please, Captain, please don't. Not like this, not in hatred and anger. I didn't lie to you, why would I?" I began to cry as I felt everything destabilise. I didn't even know why I was crying, except I couldn't help myself. I pulled my hands from his; fully intending to run away, but instead I found I was putting my arms around him, holding him to me as I wept. The scar, the bite and the story had shocked me, as did his anger and the feeling I was standing on the edge of a knife. Zaraki had believed the accusations. I wished today was over, it had gone on far too long.

His body felt hard and unyielding against mine and I knew this wasn't going to work. "I wouldn't go with Gin. I meant what I said; I love you, more than I ever loved him but it's all so strange and new. How do you think I feel? Do you know how much I didn't want to see Gin again, how much I want to be held by you, loved by you. Damn you Zaraki, how can you doubt me? Would I marry you, have sex with you, want to be near you to get some stupid plans? When have we even talked about strategy? We've been too busy screwing to even talk about the Arrancar. What sort of spy would do that? Wouldn't I be more interested in asking you questions about what plans are in place than about why you kiss me the way you do?" I was trying to think of anything that could prove that Captain Kurotsuchi's words were lies.

"You defied me in front to the other Captains, saying you wanted to stay in 10th Division. It was humiliating. Any normal woman would want to be in the same Division as her husband…."

I cut Zaraki off, "Captain, I wasn't betraying you; I was being loyal to my Captain, to my division. I have to remain loyal to them, despite my personal feelings and I thought you respected loyalty. If you swapped Lieutenants, think how Yachiru would feel. She already hates me and wants our marriage to be dissolved. If you moved her to another division, you would hurt her, it would be unforgivable."

"Cut the crap, woman and don't call me Captain, I'm your husband. You kissed that damned Ichimaru." Zaraki's voice was harsh.

"I didn't kiss that scum; he kissed me when I was unprepared. Why would I want to kiss a man who dumped me when I told him I loved him? I didn't realise how dead my love for him was until he kissed me and all I could feel was revulsion and the wish that it was your lips on mine, your hands on my breasts." I paused a little, gulped and continued, allowing my feelings to dictate my words. "Zaraki, I'm fixated on you. I'll stay with you even if you just use me for sex. I'll have sex with you whenever you want and you don't have to pretend you care, or even care. Please let me stay with you." The tears were spilling out of my eyes unchecked. "I got angry with you because you pulled rank on me and called me a fool in front of the other Captains. You wouldn't listen to me when I wanted to be loyal, even though the thought of being away from you during the day hurts me like a physical pain." I clung to him tightly; scared he would push me away.

Zaraki was silent for a few minutes. Imperceptibly his body began to relax, but only a little. "The old man told me to apologise to you for treating you badly but I don't want to. He also told me Kurotsuchi was twisting the truth for some reason to try to drive us apart. You keep trying to run away and I thought you were going to run away just now."

"I didn't run away and I have no reason to apologise to you. I don't recall calling you a fool and I didn't believe other peoples' lies about you. If you apologise to me, I won't believe you." I felt him relax a little more at my words.

"Good. I won't apologise, you won't apologise." I felt his arms encircle me loosely and he rested his head on my shoulder, just for a moment. With a tiny feeling of relief, I pressed myself against him, feeling his reaction to my proximity and nudity. His hands travelled over my back to my waist and his arms tightened around me. I rested my head against him and kissed his skin, wanting him to love me once more.

"Beloved." The word was an apology and a declaration from Zaraki. He lowered his head and licked my neck where he had bitten it. I gasped at the sting of pain as his tongue touched me. "You're still bleeding. Come on, let me wash you."

He carried me to the bathroom and gently washed the bite, removing any blood he could find and then rubbed in some healing salve. I stiffened under the water and the salve, the sting returning. The bite struck me as a strange reaction, especially the ferocity, as if Zaraki was doing more than trying to inflict pain. Looking in the mirror, I saw the teeth marks were clearly visible and a large bruise was forming around the site of the bite. I drew in a sharp breath at the sight and noticed Zaraki looked a little abashed. He kissed my forehead, my nose and then my mouth, so gently and sweetly that I almost began crying again. He was apologising without words.

"I love you, Matsumoto." The words were a whisper. I closed my eyes as I heard them, wondering if the worst was over for now, or if this was only the eye of the storm.

"Why did you bite me, Zaraki?" As usual, my curiosity was roused by his actions, even though I realised it was not the right time to ask. It seemed an odd action for him to take and a painful one.

"I don't slap women." His voice was terse at the reminder of how the bite had occurred, and he was looking at the sponge he had been using on my neck.

"You don't slap, but you bite?" It made no sense to me. I wanted to know what was going through his mind.

'I'm not talking about it; it won't happen again." He gently kissed my neck near the bite mark, refusing to look at my face. His voice held some contrition and regret, but there was an additional element that eluded me.

"Why? Why bite me?" The questions were out of my mouth before I could prevent them. One day I might learn how to hold my tongue.

"To mark you; put my mark on you. It won't last, the bite will fade. I want some ownership of you, woman, you aren't even wearing a ring and I want people to know you belong to me. I will never give you up to him or anyone." Zaraki sounded slightly penitent and annoyed.

"I'll never go. You didn't give me a ring, but if you want I'll wear one even though it's a Western custom." The man was taking this very seriously. I started to understand that his behaviour in the Captain-General's office was some perverted claim of ownership to the threat that Gin had made, and the bite was yet another reaction to the claim that Gin pronounced on me.

"That stinking bastard, Ichimaru wouldn't believe we were married. I'm sure he still doesn't, and he wants to take you. Don't you understand how that makes me feel? No-one, and I mean no-one, will take you from me unless I'm dead. We belong with each other, and I intend for you to remain with me."

I raised my head slowly and looked at Zaraki, shocked by the passion and the anger in his voice. He glared back at me as if challenging me to deny his words, his statement, and I did not dare. The fear, which had subsided, reappeared once again.

"Come with me." He ordered and led the way into the bedroom. I wondered what he had in mind. "In our home, when we have are alone, I want you to be naked or wearing this gown. I had it made especially, when you were in the human world, so that you can slip it on quickly if we are interrupted and I can take it off quickly." Indicating a box, on the bed, Zaraki gave me a distinctive look. On opening the box a white and black garment was displayed. Drawing it out, I noticed it was a replica of his Captain's coat made to my size with a proper sash. I looked at him questioningly after gazing at the 'gown'. "I like seeing you in my coat, knowing you are wearing nothing underneath; it shows you are mine. All I have to do is pull it apart and I can be inside you in seconds. It will mean I don't destroy your uniforms as regularly. Put it on."

Thinking that this was rather strange, I put on the clothing, using the sash to belt it around me. It covered me properly, and was not too long. The soft cotton fabric caressed my skin and the skirt of the coat was somewhat fuller than that worn by Zaraki. On looking at him, I noticed his eyes had become intent on my cleavage which was not obscured by the coat. With a few quick strides he was in front of me, pulling the skirts of my new 'gown' apart, one hand reaching between my thighs as his other hand sought to undo the sash.

"I've got to have you now and I won't listen to any protests woman. You've defied me enough today and I want to fuck you. I'm going to make you want me." The sash now undone, Zaraki got to his knees and buried his face at my nexus, his tongue quickly licking me as I stood there, stunned at this change and aroused by the way his tongue was touching me. Zaraki pushed my legs further apart, making my feet slip a little on the floor. As he pulled the gown away from me, I didn't know how to react. Zaraki's head was between my thighs, his tongue pleasuring me, confusing me as to my next move. Of course I was stimulated, the touch of his tongue ensured that; but I was still scared, shocked and uncertain. The fight and unexpected violence made me wonder if he had really stopped being angry and while I wanted him and loved him, I now feared him. As if realising my fear, Zaraki began to tease me, licking me delicately, lightly, as if trying to make me focus completely on what he was doing and he succeeded. Forgetting my fear, my rising lust beset me. Of their own volition my hands threaded through his hair, and I opened myself to him. Pausing, Zaraki observed, "That's better. Give yourself to me fully." Getting to his feet he pushed the coat off my shoulders as I struggled to remove his clothes.

For the first time, he stood in front of me completely naked: the livid mark on his neck evidence of the hate one man held for him; the visible scar on his face a memento of another battle, both reminding me that his life had been full of violence, disappointment, anger and loss. The scars did not indicate love, care or friendship, but I knew from his friendship with his division that they must exist in his life. His eyes were watching me as I looked at him, his expression wary; anticipating a rejection. The look diminished my fear and reminded me of my love for the man.

"Never pull rank on me or insult me in front of anyone, otherwise I'll withhold sex," I said, halfway meaning the threat.

Zaraki relaxed at my words. "You, withhold sex, from me? Don't make threats you can't keep Matsumoto," he replied laying me on the bed and lying beside me. "Deny me now," he continued as his hands touched me, exciting me even more.

I said nothing.

"Deny me now," Zaraki said, his hands stroking my sides, his breath hot on my cheek.

"You know I can't, beloved." The endearment slipped from my mouth with ease, but I had not meant to say it. A glance at Zaraki showed me he was transfixed.

"You called me beloved, not Zaraki. I always wondered why you called me Zaraki and not Kenpachi and now you've called me beloved." His voice was full of wonder, and it seemed, relief.

"Do you want me to call you Kenpachi?" I asked the question, hoping he would not probe further.

"No, it would sound wrong from you, but why do you call me Zaraki?" He was being persistent, mimicking my questioning attitude.

"I've always called you Zaraki in my mind when I first started watching you. Gin always called you Kenpachi and I didn't want to associate you with Gin. I wanted you to be only for me, beloved Zaraki." I bit my tongue, realising this declaration was more revealing than I wished. He knew I loved him, but I was exposing so much about my thoughts.

"Woman, you constantly astound me." He leant on an elbow and looked into my eyes attentively. "From a quick fuck, you're turning into something else: first a lover and now a wife. We've got two more days together, unless the frigging Arrancar attack again. I want to know more about you, and I'll tell you a little about myself, but I want to screw you most of the time. Still scared about the sex?"

I shook my head. How could I be scared of something I wanted so much? Zaraki kissed me, starting with the gentle kiss, but building up to a passion that left me breathless.

His mouth moved from mine and went toward my neck. When I tensed, worried he would touch the wound he had inflicted, he stopped abruptly as his lips touched my chin, apparently reminded of the bite. "I won't bite you again."

"I know."

"I didn't think…"

"I know."

"I was infuriated. Seeing Ichimaru kiss you made me question everything, but then you defended me and I felt reassured. I didn't doubt you, but that pasty faced deviant made me look at the invasion in a different way and almost convinced me you were untruthful. He has always been good at twisting the facts, but he overlooked one thing I also forgot. You're crap at lying."

"I know"

Zaraki examined the bite closely and then spoke again. "I'll get you a band of cloth to wear around your neck until it heals. That's an idea: you wear a band of cloth around your throat like mine, that way people will know you belong to me."

I sat up, feeling rather peculiar at the suggestion. "Zaraki, don't you think you're a little too possessive? I've told you I'm not leaving you, that I love you."

He drew me to him in a tender embrace. "It's about time you told me you love me. You don't get the picture woman; I don't know how I'm meant to behave. I'm new at this love stuff. I want everyone to know that you belong to me."

"Everyone in Seireitei knows, you made certain of that and I think most people in Soul Society will know now." I kissed him to prevent any further discussion and began to touch his chest, exploring the planes and ridges with the tips of my fingers. I loved the feel of his well muscled torso, with the heat radiating from his skin at the touch of my hands. My hands strayed down further, stroking his stomach and his hips, just touching the edges of thighs. Taking my hand in his, Zaraki placed it on his erection and then acted in response by allowing his fingers to touch me where his tongue had so recently explored.

My skin seemed sensitised to his touch, and I wanted to join with him but at the same time I wanted to spend as much time tantalising him as possible. My lips moved from his and down to his neck. He hissed between his teeth as I touched his scar and immediately I stopped, worried I had caused him pain. I put my face next to his, so I could look in his eyes, an apology already forming on my lips.

Catching my worried look, Zaraki gave a quick laugh. "It doesn't hurt, beloved. I'm not reacting to that. No-one has touched the scar since it was healed and I thought the nerve ending may be dead because of the damage, but they're not. If it disgusts you, don't kiss it."

Before he finished his sentence my mouth was again on his neck, licking it gently as my hands continued to play with his erection. His skin had a sweet and salty tang, combined with his scent that seemed stronger here, confined as his skin had been under the band. The flavours of his skin made me yearn to kiss him further; lick all of him, suck him once more. I could feel the effect of my kisses as his erection seemed to become even stiffer in my hand

"Enough, woman," Zaraki said as he pushed me onto my side, facing away from him and holding my legs apart with one hand, moved the head of his penis inside my entrance and began to ease into me from behind.

I wriggled as I felt the rounded head of his penis enter me slowly, deliciously, but wondered a little at this new situation. "I don't know if I'll be able to come in this position," I began and then felt Zaraki's hand touch my centre as he continued to slowly push inside me. After the arousal and the relief that the fight was over, the feeling was so intense that I almost came, but Zaraki removed his fingers.

"I don't think you know what you're saying; you can come in this position, in any position with me. You'll have to wait a little while, though woman. I intend to make you remember the reasons you love fucking me." Zaraki murmured into the back of my neck. He began to trail his tongue down the nape, as his hands stroked my breasts, gliding gently over the nipples. With one hard thrust he fully pushed his penis inside me.

"I can't touch you," I complained as he continued to play with my body. I tried moving my arm around to touch him, but it was uncomfortable and distracted me from the sensations he was causing me to feel. I hadn't known I could feel this way from brief contact with him.

"You are touching me," he growled and began to slowly withdraw and push back inside. "You're touching me where if counts most. You feel hot, Matsumoto. Is it because of me?"

"Yes." I wanted to concentrate on how he was making me feel, the molten lethargy that was overtaking me but spurring me on at the same time. I pushed back on his erection as he thrust into me again. He quickly responded and I reacted wanting to feel him taking his pleasure with me as I took mine with him.

Now one of his hands was concentrating on arousing my nipple; while the other trailed down my stomach, almost reaching, but never getting close enough to the area I needed him to stroke. I sighed, knowing that I could not force Zaraki to stop the torment, unless I took action. Reaching my hand down between us I found his sac and just touched it with the tips of my fingers, gently rubbing as I squirmed with desire on his erection as he pushed into me. His response was to plunge into me repeatedly as his fingers stopped their torment and found the place I wanted them to explore.

"Zaraki," I sighed as I felt him touch me, opening me wider to him. I wanted him so much and, from the way he was moving, he wanted me.

He grunted and increased the speed again, pumping into me as my body gratefully received his thrust. One hand was now pinching the nipple and the other was touching me so delightfully that I lost control and came yelling his name. Zaraki lasted a further minute and I felt his orgasm overtake him as he held his breath.

Instead of withdrawing or turning me around, Zaraki kissed the back of my neck, his arms around my waist, holding me to him. "Let's go to sleep like this."

I thought about it. I was too tired to move and the idea of sleep was one of which I approved. Closing my eyes, I considered responding, but fell asleep, comforted by his proximity.

* * *

A.N.

Thanks to the people who have reviewed so far.

Reviews gratefully received.


	12. The Kiss

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

Back to the smut.

**The Kiss**

The sound of moaning and a feeling of sensual delight awoke me. The moaning was constant and sounded familiar and I wished whoever was making the noise would stop as it was distracting me from the waves of pleasure that were sweeping through my body. A hand was leisurely caressing my breasts, occasionally grazing the nipple, and then gradually moving on leaving me longing for more as it travelled unhurriedly down, caressing my stomach and then settling between my legs where it teased me. A hard penis was pushing into me in a steady and arousing rhythm while the hand excited me, and I noticed my body was instinctively pushing back, even while I was half asleep.

"Zaraki?" I had to ask. The scent was right, the teasing, the feel of the erection, my unconscious desire and the movements. It had to be him. The moaning stopped as I asked the question, and I realised I had been the source of the sound.

"Who else would be fucking you awake, Matsumoto?" Zaraki's voice sounded thick with lust as he continued to move into me.

"I don't know." I was a little disorientated and the overwhelming longing for him was making it difficult to think. I wanted to concentrate on how Zaraki was stroking me and making my body react to his touch.

"Are you awake?" Zaraki increased the speed of his thrusts just slightly and I heard myself moaning again.

"I'm awake, if you promise not to stop. Please don't stop." My voice sounded husky as I spoke. His hand was still moving between my breasts and thighs, but seemed to be further away as if he wanted to tantalise me with less contact. If he stopped, I would have to do something drastic.

"Why would I stop? I woke up and found I was still inside you and you were pushing back on me slightly as you slept. Beloved, it's your own fault; I had to fuck you, there was no choice." After he spoke he began licking the back of my neck. I had experienced this briefly before, but now I realised that his tongue was having the same effect on me as when he licked the front of my neck. His tongue traced patterns of fire on my skin and inspired me to take some action. I grabbed his teasing hand and made it touch me the way I desired. No more pure tantalisation, but increasing arousal. I wriggled as he continued to screw me, thinking this was the best way to wake up.

Suddenly Zaraki withdrew. For a moment I became scared that he didn't want to continue until I found he was pulling me onto my back. "I want to watch your face as you come this time," was his comment as he pushed my legs apart and began to ease inside me again, grunting with pleasure as he did so. Once he was inside me I threw my arms around him and pressed onto the hard penis that was moving into me making me feel so wanton. It felt so good that I never wanted him to finish.

"I must kiss you." My eyes were closed and I felt the touch of his lips on mine and his tongue slid into my mouth. That was the only movement I could feel as he kissed me, his body became still as if he was concentrating only on my mouth. I felt a shiver run through me as his tongue found a place that seemed directly connected with the pleasure centre in my brain. I locked my legs around his hips and tried to push on him as he continued to kiss me.

"Kiss me. Concentrate on kissing me," Zaraki ordered briefly removing his lips from mine. It sounded like an order.

"I can't concentrate when you kiss me like that. If you keep kissing me like that I'll go wild," I protested.

"Good," was his reply and he again kissed me.

I tried to focus on the kiss and then decided to see if there was any way in which I could return the favour. My tongue began to search his mouth as he continued to arouse me with just the kiss. I began touching his back, moving my hands over it feeling the warmth of his skin on my palms, feeling his strength and power. I had to keep touching him, I wanted to know his body completely, and each touch was a way of claiming his body from any hands that had embraced it previously. He had expressed his desire to possess me, to show everyone his ownership. I felt the same; I wanted him to long for the contact of my hands, to expect the feel of my fingers, to fall in love with the caress of my skin on his own. My tongue continued the search but while I was becoming more excited by the kiss, my tongue did not seem to find the same response that he was drawing from me.

As Zaraki continued to kiss me I could feel my nipples straining against his chest, longing for his touch or his tongue, while my hips were bucking gently under him, trying to encourage him to plunge into me, to take me forcefully but he just kissed me, fully inside me; he'd found another way to torture me. I could smell my arousal and could feel how slick I was becoming from his kiss, but I wanted the movement, I wanted to feel his hunger for me. Regretfully I pulled my mouth from his, knowing that I would have to beg.

"Please, Zaraki. Please, Beloved Zaraki." Making my voice sound as pitiful as possible, I started my entreaty. No man had ever made me beg before, but he'd told me he liked it.

"Please what? You want me to continue kissing you like that?" He grinned at me; his eyes hooded darkly, passion burning in their depths. He knew what I was asking, but wanted to hear me beg.

"I'm begging you," I tried a different tack, and kissed his cheek, and then sucked it gently.

He sighed as I kissed him that way. "I like that, I like that type of kiss and now you're begging me to kiss you? Yeah, I'll kiss you again," he brought his lips close to mine. I drew my head back before he could capture my mouth because I knew if he kissed me again I would be helpless with desire and probably not be able to form words.

"Zaraki, kiss me if you wish but only if we're having sex at the same time. Please, I implore you." It would be stupid to deny my lust.

"Hot, aren't you? I can smell and feel how hot you are. You're so sultry and slick from a kiss. Matsumoto, I will kiss you like that often. Hearing you beg me to fuck you, it's good, but I love the feel of being inside you while you want me so much. You have to tell me that want me, above all others. You have to desire me deep inside you until no other man can satisfy you." Instead of kissing my mouth again as I expected his head moved down and he began to kiss my chest, moving down unhurriedly to my breasts, gentle kisses interspersed with harder kisses where he drew the flesh in his mouth. He was taking his time, travelling down until he licked around a nipple with just the tip of his tongue.

All the time he was kissing me I was going crazy. I groaned at the teasing sensations and tried to move on him, tried to push him on his back, anything, but he just held me still as his tongue and mouth teased me. I strived to push upwards to increase the contact between my breast and his mouth, but he just moved his head further back and continued his torment. I grabbed his head, knowing it would be no use and whimpering I tried to make him suck me, lick me, anything. All at once I felt his mouth envelop the nipple and he sucked hard. The sensation made me tremble with desire and I sighed loudly. "Zaraki, please stop tormenting me. How could I want anyone else?" The pressure of his mouth increased and I couldn't talk as the pleasure overwhelmed me. When I gained my breath back I tried to continue. "Haven't I told you before? No one has made me feel like this, shackled with passion, awash with desire. I didn't know I could come each time I had sex or that any man could make me desire his touch, his kiss, his penis deep inside me. I didn't know I could be driven out of my mind and lose control…" I stopped, shocked at my revealing statement. I knew he was going to stop, to question me about my previous lovers.

Instead, he suddenly began to move into me, a fast driving rhythm that rocked me, made my bones turn to jelly and my body to erupt in an orgasm that made me see the stars move as I came shuddering; this surpassed any sensation I had previously felt. I think I stopped breathing as the shock waves of pleasure overwhelmed me.

Finally I opened my eyes to find Zaraki staring at me, a mixture of two emotions evident. I could see the question in his gaze, but the other feeling was unusual. Was it pride? Was the man proud that he could make me come, or what? I could feel him still deep inside me and wondering I started to ask a question, but was interrupted. "Why didn't you…"

"What did you mean you didn't know you could come each time? What are you saying?" As if emphasising his point, Zaraki kissed my mouth briefly as he thrust into me just once.

"Why didn't you come?" I didn't want to answer the question. The expression he'd worn was pride.

"I almost did. The way you came that time was different; never felt intensity like that before, but what you said distracted me. Answer the question." Zaraki's lips moved to my ear and his hot breath made my skin tingle. He started to screw me again and I felt my body begin to respond even though I had only just come.

"Do I have to explain?" I didn't want to explain. Having sex was something I did want.

"If you don't, I'll stop and you're enjoying it, aren't you? I can tell by the way you're moving. Never met a woman you could keep pace with me the way you can." Zaraki's eyes secured my own and compelled me to answer.

"Why would you stop? You're enjoying it as well, you know you are. Please, please don't make me tell you now. I'll tell you later but now I want to feel what you're doing to me. Each time we have sex you make me belong to you even more. Why talk about the past? I love the way you make me feel, the way you move inside me. Touching you makes me want you; being in the same room and unable to touch you is an ordeal. I don't want anyone else; not now; not ever again." My voice sank to a whisper as I uttered the words, knowing I was debasing myself completely, but there was no longer any reason to hide my feelings.

As if spurred on by my words, Zaraki began to take me hard, with all the accumulated passion I had sensed within him. His mouth was on mine and he was pumping into me as if he no longer had any control of his actions. It was like he had to come soon or he would die. My body responded to his passion and I joined in the frenzy so quickly that we came together, shuddering as our orgasms overtook us at the same time.

My body was bathed in perspiration and the sheets beneath me were damp. Zaraki lay on top of me and I didn't want him to move, no matter how heavy he felt. I put my arms around him, holding him close. The thought of him withdrawing from me could not be countenanced. If this was love, I had never tasted these depths, this longing and passion before.

Zaraki rolled off me and onto his side, his hands capturing me and drawing me close as I began to mourn the lack of intimate joining.

"Talk, now," his breathing was harsh, but his hands were gentle and loving as he held me near, making me feel that he could not abide to be apart from me.

"What do you mean?" I demurred. Yet another secret would be told and again he wouldn't tell me anything in return.

"Beloved, Matsumoto, no woman made me want them the way you do. I'll never let you touch another man; I want to be inside you all the time, feeling you around me. But tell me what you meant." His lips lay a trail of kisses on my shoulders, making me concentrate on him, not on his questions. He stopped kissing me and looked at me inquisitively.

"It's history, unimportant. I only want to think of you, be with you. The past has no relevance." I was trying to make him let it rest.

"The past is relevant. I want to know everything about you so that no one can tell me something I don't know." His words struck a chord in me.

"I hardly know anything about you. If I tell you anything, you have to tell me about your past, who you've screwed, if you've been married before." I wanted to know everything about him and who he'd had sex with in the past. I didn't want any surprises either.

He laughed without humour. "Me, married before? Do you understand what it meant for me to marry you? I swore never to marry. Every time I started fucking a woman I told her it was only for the sex, to never expect love. Marriage for a Captain is wrong, especially for me; but you made me change my mind."

"I remember the speech. What was it you said? 'Don't expect romance or anything else. Don't have time for that crap. It's just sex.' You said that to me in the bathhouse." I recalled how I'd accepted it then because at least he wanted me.

"Yeah, I remember. Getting close to someone is a mistake, but you're special. You caused me to break the pledge I made after Yachiru died…"

I was confused. Yachiru wasn't dead. She was alive and probably trying to work out a way to destroy our marriage. What was he talking about?

Noticing my confusion, Zaraki began to explain, "The original Yachiru was my younger sister. We had no parents and the place we lived was the worst hell in Soul Society, but she was brave. She went to buy food one night and some bastard killed her for the little money she had. She fought back but she was a kid and the guy who killed her had done it before. I was going to buy the food, I but got involved is a stupid pointless brawl and was late returning. When she died, I promised I would never marry because I failed to protect my sister." His voice was stripped of emotion as he spoke and I could feel the tension in his body.

My mouth fell open. Zaraki had a sister? He continued to talk, not looking at me, but gazing at the ceiling with a frown furrowing his face. The man was more complex than I realised and I felt his sorrow and guilt at the death of Yachiru.

"Fighting was all that was left to me after her death. Hunting down her killer didn't take long and I made him pay, but it didn't make me feel much and then I only felt like I lived when I was fighting." Zaraki sighed harshly. "When I met the kid, my lieutenant, she was just a baby and her smile lit up her face like Yachiru's. I gave her the name and protected her, like I didn't protect my sister. No one else would take care of her and she's become like an annoying, bratty sibling. I will protect you, no matter what it takes. You mean more to me than my sister, than Yachiru, than anything. Now I only feel like I'm alive when I'm fucking you." Pausing, Zaraki kissed me lightly on the mouth and I felt as if my soul was being drawn from my body. The love I felt for this man surpassed anything I had felt until now.

I kissed him tenderly, in response. I had not expected to find out this much about him. It grieved me that he had shut himself away from love because of the guilt he felt. I decided to tell him the truth which I had hidden from everyone, most of all, myself.

"Gin wanted me to concentrate totally on him every time we had sex. I had to please him, make certain that he received maximum pleasure from my body and forget that I had any desires or taboos. He was my first lover; I didn't know it could be any different and I thought I loved him, so pleasing him was more important than anything else. At first we had lots of sex, but later we didn't screw often, maybe once or twice a week, before he rejected me. I came rarely when we were together, he didn't consider it important. I kept having sex with him as long as I did because I thought I loved him and I hoped that I'd keep him. Then I told him I loved him and he dumped me. After that Aizen raped me and sex became something I didn't want to think about. When Renji made me come the first time, he was concentrating on me and didn't try to penetrate me. I didn't feel pressured and it worked. The first time we tried to fuck was a disaster. I remembered the rape and became tense; I felt guilty, dirty and used. He withdrew and told me a joke and then tickled me. I was laughing so hard that when we started having sex it was part of the tickling and he was laughing too. It was a revelation because he wanted me to enjoy it, he wanted to make it fun and it was. I didn't come each time I was with him and it didn't last, maybe because we didn't love each other and I knew he was thinking about Rukia. It's not important. With you it's been different. You've never even thought about whether I come or not. You just have sex with me until I do, or lick me until I do, or you drive me mad with lust first and then I lose control." I shut my eyes. My mouth had again betrayed me.

"You mean you weren't like this with previous lovers?" Zaraki's voice was incredulous.

"Ask Renji, if you really have to, but I'd prefer it if you didn't. No, I was not like this with previous lovers. How could I be?" I could feel my eyes were moist, but I ignored them and kissed Zaraki. I grabbed his hand and dragged it between my legs. "I didn't know what it was like. Feel me, wet with you, wet with my own desire. I want you now; I want you when I look at you. Zaraki, please kiss me. I don't want to say anything else."

Zaraki's hand guided as it had been by mine, began to touch me again, feeling my slick heat, exploring me. I almost shrieked as a further rush of lust overcame me.

Fastening his lips to mine, Zaraki pulled my hand to his hardening penis. I sighed gratefully as I felt the hard flesh respond to my urgent touch. He wanted me; he hadn't been disgusted by my spoken passion, desire and desperation for him. I kissed him, touched him and wanted him.

"Ichimaru is a fool. How could he not want you, squirming with lust while he was inside you? Matsumoto, you're telling the truth, aren't you?" His voice held a hint of disbelief.

"You've told me I'm crap at lying," I continued to fondle his erection as I spoke. "I'll tell you a lie if you can't believe me. Listen: I don't want you to plunge this raging erection inside me until we both come over and over again. I never want you to touch me again," I continued as I grabbed the hand that wasn't already touching me and clamped it to my breast. Even to my ears it sounded like a lie.

Zaraki's lips touched my shoulder and I felt the hint of teeth as if he was having difficulty in maintaining his restraint. "Okay, I believe you. Now, get on top of me quickly woman. You want me so badly I can feel your heat increasing as I touch you."

He didn't need to ask me twice. I was astride him, urging him inside me within seconds of his suggestion. I forgot to consider him. My urge to take him was so intense I began to move on him quickly, feeling him slide inside me. Unconsciously my hands began to touch his chest as I slid further onto his penis and then let it slip out of me slightly before I reclaimed it again. No other woman would be allowed to touch him. I would make the touch of another woman unbearable if I could make him long for me the way I felt about him.

Thinking about that, I realised I should be pleasing him as well as sating my own lust. I opened my eyes and saw his face in an expression that was hard to read. I stopped moving and gently touched his cheek. "I'm sorry," was all I could think of to say.

Zaraki opened one eye with difficulty. "You can apologise for stopping later. Now, I want you to keep going. Damn it Matsumoto, what do I need to do? Keep fucking me this way and we'll never get out of bed." He pushed upward and I realised that he had been enjoying me as I enjoyed him.

Reassured, I began to move on him as if it was the last chance I would have to take him. I built into a rhythm, pushing my hands through my hair as his hands sought and claimed my breasts, fondling them, then they moved down, touching my stomach and then even lower. Not only did I not wish to screw anyone else, the thought of another mans hands on my body made me feel ill. I quickly dismissed those thoughts as my excitement grew; thinking was interfering with the bliss I was experiencing. Continuing the rhythm I leant forward and sought Zaraki's mouth, kissing him hard as we continued to move together. His hands moved to my face, cupping my chin as he again found that certain place. This time he could not prevent my movement or delay my orgasm. I found myself again out of control, quivering and coming, having to draw my mouth from his as I gasped in the air I desperately needed. Thrusting into me a few more times Zaraki also came.

I lay, sprawled on his chest, spent. I briefly rubbed my face against him and considered if it was possible to move. I was thirsty and felt in need of a wash. Looking toward the window, I noticed the sun was high in the sky. I didn't know what time it was or what day, how long we had slept and how many hours we had screwed.

"Hey, beloved. I just remembered I've booked the bathhouse today. Do you want to join me?" I heard Zaraki's voice rumble in his chest as he spoke. He sounded content with life.

I thought about it. A bath would be nice, but I was sure it would lead to more sex and I was sceptical if I had the energy for more. I wasn't even sure I had enough energy to walk there. As I thought about it, I had doubts that I would even be able to roll off the top of Zaraki.

"I'm tired," my voice croaked out.

"I'll carry you." I had anticipated the offer, but I didn't know if I had the energy to dress myself. "Wear your new gown. It'll be easy to take off?"

I pressed my lips to his skin and decided I would have just enough energy to put on the gown. If he carried me I could luxuriate in the bath once we arrived. Then I realised a possible explanation for my tiredness. "I'm hungry."

I heard Zaraki laugh at my words. "Yeah, I should've guessed. I have to keep feeding you. There should be some food in the house, or do you want me to have some delivered to the bath."

I craned my neck to look at him. "Both." I licked my lips impatiently, in anticipation.

Gazing at me, he stretched out a hand and grazed my cheek with his fingers. "I'll have to get up."

I nodded.

"I can't get up if you're lying on top of me."

I nodded again.

"I like you lying on top of me, but you want food."

I nodded for a third time. Was he trying to say something?

"Can you move?"

I shook my head.

Sighing slightly, Zaraki gently transferred me onto the bed and kissed me briefly. He rose and left the room. I watched him leaving the room, admiring his body and the muscles in his buttocks as he walked. A few minutes later he returned and plunked some food on the bed and handed me a glass of water. I drank the water greedily, feeling my parched throat relax under the refreshing drink. He sat down and started to munch on something.

I grabbed some rice cakes and started gnawing on them. I don't like rice cakes much, but they were the first things that came to hand. As I chewed I looked at the rest of the food. There was some dried fruit and my hands greedily reached out to pluck that from the bed only to see Zaraki's hand take it. "I wanted that," I wailed, like a child deprived of a sweet.

"We'll share," he opened the packet and held a piece of fruit, an apricot, in front of my mouth. I ate if from his fingers and then he fed me another piece. The fruit was sweet and I reached to grab another piece but he was already placing it between my lips. I watched his mouth hungrily as he ate some and grabbing his face I kissed him, tasting the sweetness of the fruit and the warmth of his mouth. We shared the rest of the fruit, kissing each other after each piece until it was finished. Zaraki got to his feet and began to dress. I wondered why he was dressing as I didn't want him to leave me but I liked watching the reverse strip.

"Get dressed, or we'll miss the bath and I want to soak for a while." He was fully dressed and looked down as I continued to sit on the bed.

Remembering his earlier comments about the bathhouse, I rose from the bed and began to prepare for our bath. I shrugged into Zaraki's gift and looked for a brush for my hair. There was one, but it was not mine. I hesitated briefly and then asked, "May I borrow your brush? I want to tidy up."

Zaraki nodded, watching me, his eyes moving down my face as I picked up the brush and tried to untangle the knots. A frown formed on his face and he opened his mouth as if to say something, but instead looked away. I wondered why, but concentrated on making my hair smooth, then decided I should see how it looked. I checked the mirror t and was pleased to see that my hair as normal, but I experienced a shock when I saw my neck. The bruising had increased and the teeth marks were still visible. Gazing into the mirror in disbelief, I reached to touch the mark, wondering why it didn't hurt. It was not the only mark I could see. There were red marks over my neck and breasts from where Zaraki had sucked at my skin, but the bite was the most noticeable.

"I'd better take some salve. It's stopping any pain at the moment and if you wash it off, it might start hurting," Zaraki's voice distracted me from my reflection and I noticed that his band of cloth was in place, hiding his scar from sight. He proffered a strip of material to me. "You might want to wear this, or not. It'll cover the mark." He looked slightly shamed.

It was a dilemma. If I did not cover the bite people would believe there was something wrong between us. If I did cover the bite with the band of cloth and as I was wearing a replica of his Captain's coat it would look peculiar, like I was copying him or he owned me. I didn't know what to do. Walking over to where my clothes were stored, I contemplated my options. A number of fresh uniforms, some underwear; nothing that would conceal the bite. There was no choice. Taking off my gown I quickly dressed in a uniform.

"I think you're making a mistake. I'll rip that one off you know, once we get to the bathhouse." Zaraki seemed disappointed that I wasn't wearing his present.

"I'll take a spare. I don't want people to think that I'm copying you and if I wore the gown people will stare. I have to wear the band of cloth, to hide the mark, but it might be less noticeable if I'm wearing a uniform." I grabbed a spare uniform. "It doesn't matter if you rip it off. I think you enjoy stripping me that way."

He snorted with laughter at my comment and watched as I finished dressing.

"Beloved?" There was a tone in Zaraki's voice I did not recognise. I looked at him as he moved close and placed the band of cloth around my neck in a tender fashion. "While we're busy, I want to get your stuff moved here, mainly your clothes. You're my wife and you are going to live with me. Give me the key to your place."

I paused. We were married and he'd mentioned moving in with him previously. I knew it was going to happen and I had to live with him by order of the Captain-General, but the reality made me stop dead. It meant the loss of my freedom, independence and privacy. I didn't understand the way my mind worked. Loving Zaraki, I wanted to spend every moment with him, yet at the same time I was scared of being with him all the time. I had lived with Gin only briefly when we were having sex, and that experiment had not worked. He'd accused me of being too dependent. I didn't know how to live with another person and though I knew that these were completely different circumstances, it made me wonder if this was the right thing to do.

The other factor that played in my hesitation was we were still on our abbreviated honeymoon and the thought of packing and unpacking was not attractive while our time together, without interruption, was so limited. While I had the chance I didn't want to be thinking about anything so ordinary. I decided to compromise. "Okay, but can we leave the big stuff for later? I don't want to be distracted from you by things." I retrieved my key and handed it to him which he took and then kissed me.

"Fine. Let's go." He led the way to the door, opened it and then picked me up, preparing to make good his promise of carrying me. Then he stopped. I looked to see what was drawing his attention.

The whole contingent of the 11th Division awaited us outside.

* * *

A. N.

Review or no update.

Thanks to the people who tell me that you're enjoying the story. More plot in the next chapter.


	13. The Party

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Party**

I noticed Zaraki became alert at the sight of the people waiting outside and wondered why. Placing me on my feet, he stepped in front of me, shielding me, his hand on the hilt of his zanpaku-to. "What do you want?"

"We want to see your bride," yelled a number of voices.

"Why now?" Zaraki did not seem pleased with his division and noting the apprehension in his shoulders and his stance, I began to feel nervous.

"Because you're our Captain and you got married suddenly. We want to see the bride." More voices joined in, some laughing, some not. Why would they want to see me? Most of them had already seen me at one time or another. I knew most of them at least by sight.

Zaraki tensed further. "It's my business if and who I marry." I hoped he wasn't going to lose his temper as his voice held the hint of emerging rage.

Ikkaku left the mob and approached us. "They're curious, Captain, and don't mean any harm. It was Yachiru's idea. She knew you'd be going to the bathhouse this afternoon so she got the division together to wait for you because they're interested and want to see you both. I didn't let her give sake to everyone to celebrate, like she suggested. That would have been a disaster. Let them see Ran. It's not like she's anything to be ashamed of; she's a lieutenant and nice-looking. If they see you together, they might understand. I won't let anyone hurt her; you know that."

Looking over Zaraki's shoulder, I could see Ikkaku walk to stand between the division and us, as he watched them closely. His hand hovered near his sword as it he would repel any trouble, but he was more relaxed than his Captain.

Zaraki turned to me, his large body hiding the crowd and he lifted my chin to look at my face. I was trembling, uncertain that I would be welcomed, wanting him to reassure me, to hold me. "It had to happen sometime; may as well be now," he murmured. I looked at his mouth yearning to kiss him, but instead reached out my hand and touched his lips, tracing them with the tips of my fingers, all the time scared of what might happen. "I'll protect you; I promised, remember?" His words comforted me and I nodded.

Placing his arm firmly around my waist he turned us both to the crowd and said, "This is my wife, Lieutenant Matsumoto Rangiku. She is remaining with 10th Division but when she is not working, she will be living here with me. If you harm her, you harm me; but if you do harm her, even by mistake, I will kill you, slowly. The woman's safety is paramount to me and I expect each of you to protect her."

When Zaraki had finished there was a loud hubbub as the members of his division chattered excitedly with each other. I noticed most of them were staring at me while they talked. I hoped none of them noticed the band of cloth around my neck and then saw Yachiru poke out her tongue at Ikkaku and give me a withering look. Obviously she still had not forgiven me for marrying her Captain.

"Kiss the bride. Kiss the bride," someone started the chant and the others joined in. We had only kissed in public once before, when we were married and I was uncertain how Zaraki would react to the demand. He looked for my consent; I nodded, and then he pecked me quickly on the cheek. It was obvious he wanted to keep our kisses private, and for good reason; he didn't want me to start begging him for sex in front of his division.

"That's not how you kiss a bride," a slurred voice I could not identify said and a thick set man began to move toward us. The man sounded as if he had managed to drink while he was waiting. "I'll show you how to kiss the bride properly."

The street went quiet; very, very quiet and time seemed to have slowed down. I wondered if everybody else was holding their breath, awaiting Zaraki's response. People seemed frozen with shock at the effrontery of the fool. Noticing a slight edgy feel to my husband, I cast a surreptitious look at him.

He wasn't exactly glaring at the man; it was more of a smoulder. The look did not have the intensity of hatred with which he had glared at Gin, but he was fuming and his zanpaku-to was in his hand. Ikkaku was standing in front of the drunkard, seconds after he had made the comment.

"You remember whose bride you're talking about, don't you? Captain Zaraki's?" he said meaningfully.

Stopping, the man blinked a few times as if trying to focus and then looked at the looming figure of his Captain. The effects of the alcohol seemed to leave him immediately, or he felt cold, because he began to shiver. He threw himself to his knees and abased himself. "Apologies, Captain. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean anything. I would have only kissed her…" Realising what he was saying didn't help the situation; he pressed his face into the ground.

"Baka. Get to your feet. From now on you clean and run errands until my wife decides to forgive you; I'll let her know when she can. I want some food and drink taken to the bathhouse, the best you can get and make sure that no one is there. I want the place clean and tidy. Oh, yeah, I want a sleeping mat there as well. Move it." Zaraki barked the orders and kicked the man. The object of his ire fled the scene, casting fearful glances at both of us as he ran. I was sure that everything would be done to the best of his abilities. It was a bad idea to annoy Zaraki.

"A sleeping mat? That's good. The floor is not really comfortable for prolonged sex," I thought as I watched him leave.

"Captain, is it true that one of the traitors, Ichimaru, tried to abduct your wife yesterday?" a voice I did not recognise called.

My heart sank. Not this again! Did everyone know? How many times would I have to explain? Damn Gin. Zaraki's arm tightened around my waist at the question and I glanced at him. His mouth was set firm.

"Yes, it is true and she refused to go. I was there and I decline to discuss it again." His reply was terse.

Shocked whispers were exchanged and many curious glances were cast in my direction. I was not happy; would this again lead to a fight about Gin and loyalty?

Zaraki sighed loudly at the way his response was received. "Listen up. I'll give you some answers before you ask any questions. Do I love her? Work that out yourself. Does she love me? That's my affair."

"Is it true your bride is pregnant," another voice called.

"None of your damned business," Zaraki growled and I caught another look of hatred from Yachiru who looked pointedly at my stomach and made a face. "That's private. Next you'll ask about our sex life."

"She really enjoys it when she has sex with the Captain," Ikkaku said just loudly enough for me to hear.

Feeling humiliated, I coloured at the statement, wishing that he had kept his mouth shut, and noticed that some of the nearby shinigami had also heard. Those who had heard began to tell those who were out of earshot. People were now laughing and admiring looks were bestowed on Zaraki, who was either pretending he had not heard the comment, or had decided to ignore it. From the increased fervour of his grip and the heat of his hands, I deduced that he had heard the comment and was indulging in some proud and lewd thoughts.

The clamour increased as the comment was relayed among the division. Yachiru was looking at the people as if dismayed that the tense atmosphere had been dispersed. People were making crude jokes, some were laughing, but all were still paying attention to their Captain.

I noticed a group nearby, huddled together, talking intently. One of their number detached from the cluster and came lightly toward us, walking gracefully.

"Captain, we request permission to have a party tonight to celebrate your marriage. I'm so happy you chose someone decorative. It would have been disappointing if you'd wed an ugly person," Yumichika smiled slyly in my direction as he spoke.

I was taken aback. It had seemed there would be more questions, yet another inquisition about the conversation with Gin, but instead they wanted to have a party? That made me feel much better. Maybe 11th Division could accept our marriage.

"Yeah, but don't expect us to stay long. I've got plans for tonight," Zaraki replied meaningfully as he pulled me nearer, the heat from his body increasing.

I felt my face redden again. He always seemed to have plans.

"As you know, I've got the bathhouse booked now. Detail some men to stay outside. I don't want to be interrupted." Nonchalantly he picked me up in his arms amidst laughter and some satirical comments and walked swiftly to our destination. Some of the comments surprised me as the men expressed their expectation that we would be having wild sex while in the bathhouse. Even if it were true, I felt discomfited by the explicit nature of some of the observations.

"Don't listen to them, beloved. They're jealous," Zaraki told me as we moved out of audible range.

I relaxed as he held me in his arms, feeling comforted by his proximity and words. Closing my eyes I leant my head against his shoulder, breathing in his scent. I loved being this close to him, nestled in his arms, feeling his strength embrace me.

"I remembered the oil and the salve," he told me, the sound of his voice waking me from the light nap I was having. I opened my eyes and noticed we were outside the bathhouse. The sight of the building made me swallow, with either fear or desire, I was unsure. As we neared the door, I noticed a large piece of paper stuck to it. The writing on the paper read: 'Danger. Captain Zaraki's Honeymoon in progress. Do not disturb on pain of death.'

I looked at him and smiled. It would be dangerous for anyone to interrupt. "Today and tomorrow, Zaraki. Do you think our honeymoon is dangerous?"

He gave me a measured look. "Only to anyone who buts in. I wonder if there'll be a similar sign on my, I mean our, home. I'll leave it there. It's a fair warning. Let's see if the food's here."

Placing me on my feet, he opened the door and waited for me to precede him. As I went inside I started to remove my uniform, wondering if I would manage to strip before Zaraki decided to undress me. I had managed to undo the sash and removed my arm from one sleeve when I felt his hands on the fabric and heard the tear of the material as he exerted a little pressure.

"Can't let you get undressed in here, can I?" Zaraki was standing behind me, his mouth close to my ear as his hands roamed over my body removing the pieces of my uniform that remained and dropping them carelessly on the floor. His hand then moved to my neck and undid the band of cloth as I dropped my spare uniform on the floor.

"I can't see any food and you're still dressed," I stated feeling his uniform against my skin.

"Yeah, I am. Had any further thoughts about ripping my clothes off, Matsumoto?" he asked as he turned me to face him.

"No." I quickly began to undress him, refusing to give into the temptation of trying to undress him the way he undressed me.

Laughing, he held me close once he was naked, his skin against mine in the way I had come to want. "You should try it. It would be a convincing argument that you were hot for me."

I widened my eyes at him. "Hot for you? Why would I be hot for you? I don't understand what you mean." As I spoke, I leant nearer to him, pressing my body against his, as one hand moved over his buttocks and the other pulled his head down so I could kiss him. When his lips met mine, I opened my mouth to him, kissing him earnestly, feeling his teeth against my lips, my tongue against his.

"You know you want me. You can't keep your hands off me. You're right, the food isn't here. Who's going to answer the door when the food arrives? You shouldn't have stripped me so quickly. Hell, woman, don't you have any restraint? Can't you let me be the one to make the first move?" Zaraki was obviously in the mood to tease me. He was in a very good humour, maybe because his division seemed to accept our marriage; well most of them.

The expected knock at the door came and donning his coat, Zaraki answered it and talked to the person outside. He started laughing, looked outside and then shut and locked the door and shaking his head brought in a box, that I hoped contained food. I took the box from him and sitting down opened it eagerly, wondering if we were going to be presented with traditional wedding food again. "Why are you laughing?" I asked abstractedly as I removed the contents and placed them near the sleeping mat on the floor.

"They're setting up the party outside because this is where it started. Some of them are taking bets on how long we stay in here. They've invited the Captain-General," he said still smiling at me.

"I said I didn't want parties, that all I wanted was to be married to you. Should we cancel it?" I wasn't even looking at the food.

"No, it would be a bad idea to cancel now. Don't worry about it, woman. Now this food, what do we have?" he looked at me first, but eventually dragged his eyes to the meal. "There's no honey cake, which is a shame. I took a lot of pleasure from the honey."

Remembering what he'd done with the honey last time, my mouth became dry. I poured and drank some of the tea that had been provided; it was very strong. Offering him a cup, he took it from my hands and continued to look at the food.

"Hmn. Ramen, oysters again, strawberries, chocolate, yeah, lots of aphrodisiacs. Do I look like I need it? Nah, must be a joke. Hey, Matsumoto, you must look like you need encouragement and that's why people keep feeding us stuff to make you hot. They don't realise you don't need any of it. What'll happen if I feed you any more aphrodisiacs? Who knows what you'll do. I think you shouldn't eat anything," he leant forward and cupped a breast in his hand as he smiled into my eyes.

I couldn't prevent my eyes from looking down, embarrassed at his remarks. I had always had a reputation for liking sex, but that was only rumours, no facts to substantiate it. Now Ikkaku had opened his big mouth and I was still smarting from that little statement circulating in the division. How long before everyone heard? Zaraki was teasing me repeatedly about my craving for him. It made me wonder if I was abnormal or freakishly addicted to him. Could you become so absorbed by one person? All the things I had said to him about my need for him; he'd had time to think them over and was repulsed by my dependence and desire. As a wife maybe he wanted someone who had more dignity and less lust. Maybe I should talk to Captain Unohana about what was normal, but imagining asking that question made me feel worse.

"Would you prefer it if I pretended I didn't want you?" I mumbled the question and waited, hoping for a denial. I moved away from him, turning my back to him; again questioning how I felt. He had to deny it because he had told me so often that he wanted me to desire only him. Instead there was silence and Zaraki sat next to me, not touching me. I could hear him breathe as we sat there, each thinking separate thoughts.

"Why would I want that? Why are you even suggesting it? Have you been faking all this time, but it didn't seem like it. What's going on in your head, Beloved," Zaraki's voice was less harsh than normal.

I turned to him. "Is it wrong to want you the way I do? I thought you said that I had to desire you above all others, and I do. I don't know if this is right. Since we got here you've been acting like I'm fixated on sex."

"Sometimes I forget, Matsumoto, I forget that you are as new to this as I am. I was only teasing you. I'm fixated on sex, but only with you. Why would I want my wife to pretend anything? Lies and pretence destroy." I felt his arms turn me toward him and then embrace me as I hid my face against his chest. His hands stroked my back as he held me and I could feel his chin resting on my head. "I thought you enjoyed being teased. Ichimaru always teased everyone…" he stopped as if suddenly realising what he was saying or maybe it was because when he mentioned Gin's name I tried to struggle out of his arms. I didn't want to be reminded of Gin again because it reminded me of the last time I'd seen him and the fight I'd had with Zaraki. "Oh, screw this. Calm down and stop struggling woman. I'm not letting you go. I'll stop joking with you about sex, if you stop thinking about that traitorous bastard. He's gone."

"I'm worried; you heard him. He said he'd come back for me and I don't want to see him ever again," I felt my body go cold at the thought of Gin. The niggling fear that he would return for me had not disappeared. I knew how determined Gin could be when he decided he wanted something.

"Yeah, like he'll manage to abduct you from here. Get real, woman. Forget about him. Think about me. Let's talk about important stuff. Do you want to eat, or bathe?" he asked, holding me close.

I was feeling more assured at his words and decided to ignore my silly thoughts and fears. "Eat," I answered automatically. "If you're worried that I'll get overcome by all the food, I'll just eat anything you feed me. This way you can be in control."

Zaraki laughed. "You'll have to feed me, but make sure it's not just oysters. I want a bit of variety. And don't try to feed me the ramen. That wouldn't work, I can tell without trying. We'll eat some ramen first to give you energy and then we'll feed each other. I hope you won't be such a messy eater this time."

I considered his accusation as we ate ramen. I hadn't been messy; he'd deliberately poured honey over me. Maybe this time I could retaliate. I looked at the rest of the supplies and noticed the strawberries were not fresh, but in sugar syrup. Concealing my smile I finished the ramen.

Feeding each other was fun. Zaraki nibbled on my fingers as I dropped oysters, artichoke hearts and other delicacies into his mouth. I licked and sucked his fingers as he fed me the food that had the highest reputation for increasing the libido. I was getting full, but I wanted to keep room for dessert. I reached across Zaraki for the strawberries and while bringing them back to me I 'accidentally' knocked off the lid and 'accidentally' spilled some of them into his lap. He jumped slightly as the cool fruit came into contact with his skin, then looked at his lap and then at me, an eyebrow raised.

"I think you need a bath. Look at the fruit you spilled. I suppose I'll have to help clean you up as you're such a messy eater," I said as I knelt in front of him, my mouth hovering over the fruit. I ate the few strawberries that had escaped and then began to lap at the syrup with my tongue. He was still sitting upright, making it a little hard to reach some of the places the syrup had spilled, so I pushed him with my hand, indicating he should lie down. Eventually he complied and I knelt, licking up the strawberry syrup. I licked his stomach first, lingeringly, refusing to stray any further.

"You like getting even don't you?" he asked as I continued to lap at the juice. His voice was heavy with desire and I smiled as I glanced down and noticed his reaction.

"Think of it as payment with interest," I said, moving a little further south of his stomach which was now as clean as I could make by this method. The springy hair made it more difficult but I kept removing the syrup, lapping and licking him. I was getting excited, but put that to one side, determined to concentrate on providing him pleasure.

'You're going to make me beg," he accused and then groaned as I moved to his thighs.

"Maybe," I said. We both knew he could stop me at any time, but he obviously was enjoying the special treatment as I saw his erection grow even more pronounced. I toyed with him for some time, listening to his breathing becoming heavier as I laved my tongue over him, nibbling and sucking, avoiding his penis. I stopped and looked at his face. His eyes were closed and he was wearing an expression of concentration and pleasure. I waited a few seconds, expecting him to open his eyes, or to hear a demand that I continue, but he remained quiet

I had licked all the syrup from where I had spilled it, bar one specific area. I hesitated for a few more seconds, wondering if I should lick or suck him first. I licked his stomach again while I tried to decide.

"What are you going to do, beloved? Leave me like this?" his voice croaked.

"I could. You mentioned I like getting even. It's true."

"Okay. I'm begging you." His voice held a note of urgency.

I looked at his face. His eyes were half open, staring into mine willing me to give him relief. Giving in, I licked the tip of his penis, before I took him into my mouth, sucking the juice off. His skin was hot and the taste of him, the fruit and the syrup made me hungry. I took as much of him into my mouth as I could manage, but wasn't possible to take in his full length. Removing my mouth, I licked around the base of his penis and his scrotum, removing the traces of the spill and then engulfed the head of his penis with my mouth. He grabbed my head and kept it there as he thrust into my mouth once, twice and then he came, groaning loudly. I swallowed, relishing him, and when he'd finished I lay beside him on my side, watching his face. I wanted him.

Opening his eyes, he blinked, saw I was watching him and grinned at me, lasciviously. "Next time, why don't we both spill syrup or honey? That way we can clean each other at the same time." Kissing him after he spoke, I wondered how sticky we would get. "Anyway, time for a bath. I can't fuck you if I'm worried I've still got syrup all over me, and I do want to fuck you." Rising to his feet, he offered me his hand. Using it I pulled myself to my feet. Instead of allowing me to walk to the bath he again picked me up and dropped me in the bath. Before joining me he went and grabbed a bottle of something.

'I need to wash my hair."

"I'll wash it for you. I need to wash mine too." The offer was out of my mouth before I could prevent it.

"I've never let anyone wash my hair," Zaraki said thoughtfully. "It's a very intimate thing."

"I'm not asking you to wash mine, I just thought you might like me to take care of you," I explained.

"Like you did a few minutes ago? Okay, here's the stuff I use," he handed me the bottle and then immersed his head underwater; emerging with his eyes shut and water streaming from his hair. When he opened his eyes I was reminded of my first sight of his face without the eye patch and gulped at the remembered passion and shared lust we'd experienced here. This was ridiculous. I was getting even more turned on just looking at him.

I swiftly opened the bottle and squeezed some shampoo onto my hands. Washing Zaraki's hair took some time, as he kept finding different ways to gain my attention: a hand between my thighs, his mouth on my breast, a lingering kiss, a caress of my buttocks, running his tongue down my spine. When I finally managed to stop my hands shaking enough so I could rub the shampoo in for the second time, I realised that while I had washed Gin's hair once or twice, it had never been so much fun or such a sexually charged experience. Finally, I ducked his head underwater to wash off the shampoo and he grabbed me and hauled me under with him. Pulling my face close, he kissed me under the water and only released me when we ran out of air.

"Your turn," he insisted and I found myself subjected to his attention. His hands were strong on my scalp, much firmer than I was accustomed to experiencing. In retaliation for his behaviour while I washed his hair, I found ways to sidetrack him and washing my hair took considerable time and left me consumed with passion and Zaraki noticeably excited. After the last rinse, he made me stand, turned me from him, pulling my legs apart and while I braced my hands against the side of the bath he tried to enter me from behind. I wanted him so badly but it didn't work; it hurt. My breath hissed through my teeth as the head of his penis lodged in me. Hearing the noise, or noticing the way I reacted he withdrew, removed me from the bath, quickly laying me down on the sleeping mat. Retrieving the oil and salve, he applied the salve to my neck which had begun to smart. Rinsing his hands he opened the oil, applied some to his penis and then using his already oiled fingers began to touch me in the areas that wanted the attention.

"Dammit, I should have used the oil more often, I knew it. Beloved, do you want to fuck, or not?"

The oil had soothed away the pain and the activities in the bath had aroused me very much and his fingers were making it impossible to deny him. I again experienced regret at my body's betrayal but said, "I want you. I want to fuck."

It hurt less as he began to enter me slowly, the oil made it easier. Zaraki must have noticed it still hurt because he stopped immediately. "Am I hurting you again?"

"I'll hurt you if you stop," I said, the lust more intense than the slight pain.

"Are you sure about this?"

I moved my hips, taking him in further. "If you'd let me wash your hair and not played with me, we would still be in the bath."

"You didn't have to retaliate when I was washing your hair," he said thrusting into me fully.

I groaned, and begged him to take me hard and fast, the way I liked it. Each move hurt a little, but my ardour for him was stronger than the pain. The coupling this time was fast and hurried due to the combined arousal we were feeling. I clung to him as he pumped into me urgently and I felt my body responding to each thrust until I screamed his name aloud. After the storm was over I lay in his arms, heat flushing my skin, more sensually content than ever before. But there was a problem.

"Did it hurt?" The tone demanded the truth.

"Yes," reluctant answer.

"Does it still hurt?"

"Yes," a whisper.

"Dammit woman; it if hurt, we should have stopped. I should have used the bloody oil each time." Zaraki was angry, and it made me unhappy.

"It's not important. We could use the salve, or I could see Captain Unohana if you're worried," I began and noticed his face become set.

"I'd prefer it if you didn't see the Captain. She'll lecture me again; it was her advice about the oil, and if you visit her she'll know I haven't been using it. Hell knows what she'll say if she sees the bite. Bugger it. I'll get her to visit us now. I don't want you to fear sex because of pain. We've got tonight and tomorrow and I don't want to worry." He threw on his coat, tied it shut with his sash and went to the door, sending one of his men to get the Captain. I stood, preparing to dress but he stopped me. "You'll have to undress once she gets here. I'm staying while she examines you. I don't want there to be any secrets between us."

I quickly ducked into the bath, to wash off the traces of sex. I dried myself, ran a comb through my hair and wrapped my body in the towel as I waited, wondering what the 4th Division Captain would say. Zaraki looked sullen, but got the knots out of his hair as he waited.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Zaraki answered it and ushered in Captain Unohana. She looked at me, shock registering on her face and then turned and looked sternly at my husband. "I was nearby visiting a patient when your messenger found me. What have you done to this poor woman; she looks exhausted. Did you give her that vicious bite on the neck? What caused all this bruising I see? Have you let her have any sleep at all? I hope you've at least been feeding her." She paused and asked very quietly, "Have you been using the oil as I advised you, Captain?"

Never before had I seen Zaraki look so embarrassed. I answered on his behalf. "It's good of you to come and examine me, Captain Unohana. There's nothing really wrong with me, except it hurts…"

"When you have intercourse," she finished the sentence for me. "Remove the towel and lie down on the mat and I'll examine you. Captain, you may remain, but you are not permitted to say anything…"

"Now listen here Retsu," he interrupted.

"Or I will confine your wife to 4th Division for the rest of the week," she finished.

I was amazed to see Zaraki nod at her words. He moved close and folded his arms as he watched her study me. Captain Unohana examined me closely, touching the bite with soft, wondering fingers, scrutinising the many love bites and bruises, and finally inspecting my sex. She requested I turn over and I felt her hands on my back and legs.

"I've finished my examination, Lieutenant, you may rise now. I am aware that you are on your honeymoon, but I believe I should insist you spend the night in 4th Division. You are bordering on complete physical exhaustion; the bite on the neck is unpleasantly deep and should be tended but will heal eventually. I see the Captain has been using the wound salve I gave him, which will help the healing process. You have considerable bruising over your body. In addition I think you should refrain from penetrative sexual intercourse for at least a day, preferably a week. I am not surprised that sex hurts." She gave me a meaningful look, reminding me of our shared knowledge.

"But I'm on my honeymoon," I fussed after I got to my feet and wrapped the towel around me, ignoring the memory that look roused. "I want to stay with Zaraki. Please don't make me leave him. We've only got today and tomorrow together."

"She has to stay in my custody; remember what the Captain-General said, and I've promised not to bite her again," Zaraki sounded sullen.

"So, it is your bite. I suppose it was after the meeting and you acted foolishly because of the twisted facts that someone presented to you. You should trust your wife more." She paused and moved closer to my husband. "Looking at you, Captain, I could almost give the same diagnosis with the exception of the bite. You haven't had enough sleep either, I can tell." She examined his face and then indicated that he should remove the sash. She looked at his body and then examined his penis. I opened my mouth to protest, scared that he would become erect at her touch. He didn't and she sighed and dropped her hands. "I almost feel like asking if you have done anything except enjoy marital relations, when you've had the time, but I can tell you haven't. I know it's futile to try to separate you and I know that you'll be eager to take pleasure in each other again as quickly as possible, so you won't listen to my advice regarding that."

She took something out of her deep pockets. "Put this in the bath water and soak in it for at least an hour," she handed the packet to Zaraki. "It will help with the bruising and the pain. Here is balm I want both of you to apply immediately after you leave the bath and three times a day for the rest of the week. I assume you know where you should apply it? In future, use oil every time you have sex, for the next few weeks. You are forbidden to have sex for the next three hours or I will take you both to 4th Division and lock you in separate rooms after restraining you or ask the Captain-General to lock you in cells in separate Divisions. I know it is pointless to tell you not to try to have sex after the party, but if it hurts, stop immediately and apply the balm." She handed me the balm and I took it gratefully. Her stern frankness filled me with a desperate need to follow her instructions.

"Captain, if I ever see evidence of physical violence on your wife in the future, like the bite, the consequences will be grim. The only reason I am not taking any action is because I know she would not agree and I am persuaded that you would not dare estrange her again. Please try to exert some control over your physical passion; though I know you won't." She nodded to us both.

"Thank you, Captain Unohana. You're being very nice," I said as she left.

There was an uncomfortable silence in the bathhouse once she left.

"I didn't like seeing her hands on you. I was scared you'd get excited by her touch," I said quietly.

"Not possible. I didn't like her seeing the bite."

Silence again descended on the room. After a few minutes, Zaraki went to the bath and threw in the contents of the packet Captain Unohana gave him and approached me cautiously. "Beloved, will you join me in the bath again. This time we'll just relax, no screwing." His kissed my brow gently. "We are under orders to soak in it."

I was in the bath as soon as he finished kissing me. I hadn't had a long bath since I'd returned to Seireitei, the last two baths had more to do with sex than soaking, and I liked the way the water relaxed me. If it helped heal me enough to have sex with him again, I was prepared to sit in the bath for two hours. Zaraki brought the food and drink over and then got into the bath, where he captured me and held me close as we sat in the hot water. Leaning my head against his shoulder, I rested in his arms, not feeling the need to talk, the sense of security that I had was new to me. We dozed together in the water, occasionally exchanging comments, kissing, eating the food, drinking some tea and water, but mainly holding each other. I noticed his penis became stiff again, but he didn't try to initiate sex. The longer I sat in the bath, the more the pain eased.

After remaining in the bath for well over the prescribed hour, we unenthusiastically left it. It was growing dark outside and we were expected to join the festivities. The party would mean another pause in our honeymoon and even if we couldn't screw, I wanted to be alone with Zaraki. As I reached for my uniform, Zaraki got there before me. "You forgot the balm," he said as his fingers parted my thighs and began to apply it to me.

"I don't think you're meant to apply it like that," I gasped as his fingers slipped inside me, arousing me. I felt my throat tighten as he continued to rub the balm into my flesh.

"How else am I supposed to apply it? With my cock? That's been banned until after this damned party."

"I think I'm supposed to put it on, not you." He was misunderstanding me deliberately, but it felt so good.

"Well here it is, smear it on me," he grinned, handing me the container and indicating his erection.

"We're not supposed to have sex until after the party," I reminded him, breathing heavily as I rubbed the balm onto him.

"We're not having sex, we're following medical orders," his fingers were now on my clitoris. Mustering my resolve, I moved away from him and quickly began to dress myself, not forgetting the salve and the cloth band for my neck.

"After the party, Matsumoto, you'll be screaming my name over and over again," he assured me as he dressed, dropping the balm and oil into his pocket. When he finished, he drew me close and gave me the non sexual kiss. "Until then, I'll try not to think about fucking you."

I checked my appearance in the mirror and combed my hair, then noticed that Zaraki was taking some gel, bells and an eye patch from his pocket. "Do you have to wear those?" I asked.

"Yeah, I do. Formal occasion thing. Now don't talk; I have to concentrate."

I watched as he did his hair. It was time consuming and I didn't like it as he transformed himself into the persona of the 11th Division Captain. As he was affixing the last bell I said, "I could help. Make it faster."

"Shh. This bell is the hardest. You can help me remove them tonight. Now be quiet." I felt as if he was beginning to distance himself from me.

When the final bell was in place, he donned his eye patch and stared at me, his face stern. "How do I look?"

"Forbidding. I'm making a rule, no sex if you have the bells in your hair; they distract me and not in a good way.' The Zaraki without the eye patch and the bells was mine, and I must accept that he had to appear this way to others. I stretched up and kissed him on his unsmiling mouth and his arms held me as he deepened the kiss into something else. "Stop tempting me, Zaraki. After the party, then we can…"

He sighed gustily. "Yeah," releasing me, he assessed how I looked. "You'll do. Stay close to me."

Taking my hand in his, he nodded at me and we walked to the door. Before he opened it, he kissed me again, a deep and passionate kiss that made me lean into him, not caring if he had bells on his hair, an eye patch hiding one eye, or a parrot on each shoulder, I wanted him. I drew my mouth from his and gazed at him, wanting to remain there, but he reached for the door and opened it. The crowd of people outside the bathhouse made me pause for a moment. There were more people there than currently populated 11th Division. I saw my Captain and most of my division as well as a number of the other Captains including the Captain-General. As we emerged from the door, he strode over to us, a severe expression on his face.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I didn't ask for this party," I began, nervous at what he was going to say.

"I'm aware of the Lieutenant. Captain, we've noticed some strange events happening, it's hard to quantify. It might be because we allowed some people from the Soul Society to serve the meal and their presence is disturbing the atmosphere. An officer checked them thoroughly, but it is of concern. I originally agreed to this event as a means for people to interact and relax, but I am troubled all the same, especially so soon after the Arrancars attacked. Please remain vigilant at all times. I have advised the other Captains to watch for anything unusual." After delivering the warning, the Captain-General smiled at me. "If nothing happens tonight, I might consider allowing you another day for your honeymoon, as it has been interrupted considerably."

I smiled at him with delight. He was being so kind.

"That's very fair, Sir. Do you want to make a speech to start this thing? You are the senior officer," Zaraki suggested.

"What's another speech? I'll make it short," he nodded to his Lieutenant who began calling for quiet. After a few minutes the noise subsided. "This is to celebrate the unexpected marriage between Captain Kenpachi Zaraki and Lieutenant Matsumoto Rangiku. Let's wish them well for their future and enjoy the festivity. Good luck to you both. There will be no further speeches."

I laughed and clapped my hands at the brevity of the speech. Zaraki was smiling as he held me to his side, seemingly happy. "I'll give it two hours; then I'm taking you home. We might have an extra day and I intend to make good use of the time," he told me quietly, hardly moving his lips.

Shivering with excited anticipation I watched as drinks were served. We were offered some and I shook my head at the offer of alcohol. I wanted a clear head tonight; I wanted to remember everything. I took the juice that was offered instead. It tasted strange, so I only sipped a little and replaced it on a passing tray.

"Come and sit at your table, Captain, Lieutenant. We want to eat and drink, and then there might be dancing, or fighting, or both. The way some of the guys dance, who can tell?" Ikkaku said beckoning us to a table. When other people saw us sit down, it acted like a signal and others began seating themselves.

"I won't be dancing, or fighting," Zaraki said looking at something placed in front of us on the table. "That's different. What is this thing? It's white and has flowers all over it. Is it a table decoration or food?" he asked, prodding the large white object in front of us with a chopstick.

"That's the wedding cake. It's a western thing. Stop poking it, it's meant to look like that. Won't you dance with me at all, Zaraki?" I asked. I liked dancing and I wanted to take part.

"I don't dance and don't try to make me," he turned to face me and must have noticed my expression change. Sighing he said, "You can dance, but only if I choose your partners. You will not be dancing with Abarai, and the only men you can dance with in this division are Ikkaku and the Yumichika. We're only staying two hours and then I'm taking you to bed. Hey, I might even let you sleep, later." Unseen under the table, his hand was sliding up my thigh.

"Let the woman eat, Captain. She'll need the energy," Captain Unohana's amused voice interrupted our conversation.

I turned and noticed she was sitting next to Zaraki and it was obvious from her amused look she had overheard Zaraki's comments. Looking around, I saw all the Captains were present at the table, even Kurotsuchi. Fortunately he was seated farthest from me and was arguing with the person serving drinks. My Captain was sitting next to me and we chatted for a while, about a few matters and then my attention was taken up with the food being served.

The food served that night was an odd mixture. "We all brought some," Captain Ukitake explained, "to make it seem like we all contributed and wanted your marriage to prosper. That's why it's all different. Eat up, Ran. You look hungry. I brought the chicken you're eating."

"It's good." I ate enthusiastically. Even though I had eaten in the bathhouse, I was still hungry. The combination may have been unusual, but it all tasted delicious, except for a rather peculiar green stew which I decided not to try. I saw my Captain take a mouthful and then spit it onto the ground, an expression of disgust on his face. "That's nasty, whatever it is," he told me.

Although I had intended not to drink, my glass was constantly replenished until I was uncertain how much I had consumed. The person serving me had obviously come from one of the districts of Soul Society as he wasn't wearing a uniform. I wondered if he had a facial deformity as his hair and most of his face was covered by a scarf and a large hat obscured his eyes. For some reason he seemed familiar. I asked for juice, but the juice didn't taste right. The server offered me a bottle of water and I grabbed it gratefully, draining it dry to quench my growing thirst, ignoring the taste.

Why did I feel so unusual? I didn't feel like I was drunk, but I had trouble concentrating. Observing the others at the table I noticed everyone seemed flushed; even the people who abstained from alcohol seemed to be tipsy. It worried me a little but I needed to ease my parched throat. The server who had given me the water had disappeared.

"I won't be long. I need some water," I said to Zaraki. He looked at me and nodded his eyes intent on mine. I felt myself flush from the visible desire in his eyes. "I'll bring you some too," I offered.

It was very crowded and I couldn't see any bottles of water nearby. Some people seemed to be asleep, either lying on the ground or with their heads on the tables. It struck me as out of the ordinary as I'd expected most of these guests to be used to large quantities of alcohol. Feeling increasingly intoxicated, I saw where the drinks were kept and I made my way to the darkened area. I felt slightly nervous, but couldn't work out why. It might have been the dark street close by, or the feeling that I was being either followed or watched. Someone handed me a bottle of water. I opened and drank it as I leant against the building. I looked over toward my husband, but he was in a heated discussion with the Captain-General.

Feeling progressively more disorientated, I tried to make my way back to the table, but found I was unsteady on my feet and couldn't walk in a straight line. An arm encircled my waist, as if trying to assist, but the arm led me to the dark street. Pushing the arm away I staggered to the wall and using it to hold myself upright I turned to see who was with me. I squinted, shook my head and then opened my eyes wide, trying to focus. It looked like the man who had kept refreshing my drinks, but he was removing the hat and scarf. As he did so, I felt that tingle of familiarity again. "I must have drunk too much, or my eyes are playing tricks on me, because I keep thinking you're Gin. I hope you're not Gin because he's the cruel bastard, I used to love. The pig dumped me. I don't love him anymore; I love Zaraki, the 11th Division Captain much more than I ever loved Gin. We got married. He's unlike everyone else. I want the party to finish so I can be alone with him," I giggled, slurring my words, unable to control what I was saying to the figure in front of me. My legs were giving way and my head was swimming.

"You have drunk too much, I made sure of that. The juice was drugged as was the water, in fact all the drinks. Everyone is drugged and or drunk. It's amazing what some people will do for a few promises of reward. Doesn't matter who it was, he's dead now. The fact that you walked over here made it easier for me, but I could have waited until everyone was unconscious. Your eyes are not playing tricks. I am Gin Ichimaru, the man you still love," the voice oozed satisfaction as he spoke to me. "I told you I'd be back but in truth I never left, just blended into Soul Society, as Aizen and I planned, awaiting my opportunity. Who would have thought it would come this soon? I'm claiming what's mine. You won't be alone with your 'husband' again. You're coming with me, Ran, and the thug is too busy and too drugged to try and stop me."

"But I'm not," said a clear young voice. "Let that woman go; she belongs to Ken-chan now. You can't take her, I won't let you. I don't like her, but I swore to protect her and I will."

"I don't have time for this," my abductor growled.

I was horrified as Gin drew his zanpakuto and stabbed at Yachiru. She dodged his first pass, but before she could draw her blade he tripped her and casually stabbed her as she fell.

"This can't be happening. This is not real. He can't have hurt Yachiru so easily. He can't be here. I don't want to go with him, but I can't move away from him," I thought.

"Leaver her alone, you bastard, don't hurt her again. I don't want to go with you, I hate you. I want to stay with Zaraki. I love him, not him. you murdering rat," I said trying to move between him and Yachiru, wanting to protect her.

I opened my mouth to scream, but Gin held the blade dripping with Yachiru's blood at my throat. Dropping his zanpaku-to slightly, he pulled me to him and he held me by my waist, trapping me against him, the sword now across my neck. "Amateur. She should have remembered that I am Captain Class, not a simple, untalented Shinigami. One more word, one more move, Ran, and I'll make sure the little pest is dead and then I'll slit your throat, or maybe slice off an ear, as I'm here to retrieve you, not kill you. We're leaving. I won't let you to stay here any longer."

The negacion enveloped us and I felt myself rising when I longed to fall. The man holding me had wounded Yachiru who was trying to protect me. He'd stabbed her as easily and carelessly as if she was a piece of meat. The tears were streaming down my cheeks in grief at the probable death of the Lieutenant.

I heard distant shouts as people noticed what was happening. Yachiru lay on the ground unmoving and I watched for any signs that she still lived as I was taken further away. Though I struggled to keep them open, my eyes were closing and I felt consciousness slip away as my last glimpse of Zaraki, staring in my direction, his expression a mixture of amazement, anger and horror, faded from my vision.

* * *

A.N.

Traditionally the number 13 is bad luck. Sometimes I follow tradition. This is Chapter 13, so bad luck to the characters.

Yeah, I know it's a cliff-hanger, but that's the way it is.


	14. The Awakening

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Awakening**

I was waking up. As shards of memory returned, I knew I did not want to wake up because I would have a hangover from the drugs and alcohol, and there was no good reason to be conscious. I was isolated from Zaraki; I was no longer in the Seireitei. I could not feel Zaraki's presence anymore, something I had unconsciously been aware of only recently. Even that contact was denied me and for a moment I wondered if I could I bear that loss? I had to bear the loss because I was determined to return to my husband. This was only temporary; I would make sure of it.

Despite my brave thoughts, tears began to form in my closed eyes. Zaraki; Gin had taken me away from Zaraki. Would I ever see him again? What about Yachiru? Was she alive? Gin had stabbed her and then taken me from my life. I rubbed my eyes, feeling the moisture of my tears, knowing I was crying for Yachiru, for Zaraki, for myself.

"Matsumoto, are you awake?" The soft hesitant voice shocked me as I expected to be alone or with Gin. I knew the voice; I recognised the breathy quality and the gentle tones.

The voice encouraged me to open my eyes. A golden haze surrounded me which gradually began to fade as I watched. "Orihime? Orihime? Is that you?" I looked around the room and was thankful to see the only other person present there was my friend. Relief flooded me; I didn't want to see Gin and I didn't wish to know why he had brought me here. I hugged Orihime, glad to see she was alive and unharmed and she hugged me in return. Maybe I could find out why she was here.

'I was told to heal you and I have. All the bruises are gone and the bite. Where did you get the bite?" Orihime's face looked at me curiously, her eyes glancing at my neck and then away, as if embarrassed at having seen the evidence of assault.

"The bite? You healed the bite? I wanted to keep it." The words erupted from my mouth before I could prevent them. Reaching my hand up to my neck, I discovered the absence of the cloth band and my searching fingers could discern no break in the skin. I didn't have a headache from the drugs and alcohol because Orihime had healed me, but she had taken the only memento I had of Zaraki. I'd hoped to keep the bite or the cloth band to remind me of my husband. It was stupid of me to hope that Gin would leave me any reminder.

Looking at Orihime I saw she was confused and a little upset at my reaction. "Mr Ichimaru took the thing from round your neck. He muttered something about taking the collar off his pet and he would provide you with a new collar. I don't know what he meant, but it worries me and he seemed angry even though he was smiling."

"He does that sometimes. Sorry, I don't blame you. I know it seems odd, but a lot of things have happened recently. Don't worry about Gin, I can take care of myself," I began, wishing to reassure the girl. She seemed so unhappy.

"Yes. We've both been brought to this place and are now trapped with the Arrancar. There're making me heal all of the injured ones. I don't want to, but they threaten me with horrible consequences if I don't. They threatened to hurt everyone: you, Rukia, Renji…Ichigo if I didn't come here. I didn't want to, but I couldn't let them hurt Ich…. everyone. Who gave you the bite, Matsumoto? I didn't think you'd let anyone hurt you like that." Orihime blushed as she changed to subject.

"My husband gave me the bite." Truth, nothing more. Why should I lie, the bite was gone and mentioning I was married made me feel a little better. Oh, Zaraki!

Orihime uttered the expected startled gasp. "Your husband? I didn't know you were married, or even engaged. Who did you marry? Was it Ikkaku? Or did you marry your Captain?"

I laughed at the absurdity of the suggestions. Marry Ikkaku or my Captain? Both suggestions were ludicrous. "No, I married Captain Zaraki; I think it was two days after you disappeared."

I watched as Orihime's eyes grew very wide. "You married that Captain? I don't believe it. I mean he was very nice to me, but he scared Ichigo and well…. He doesn't seem like a person who would ever marry. Oh, listen to me. Have you known him long? Of course you have, you must have known him for years. You never said anything about him while you were with me so that's why I'm so surprised. But that means you've only be married two or three days. Why are you here?"

Orihime seemed to want to have every question answered at once. She hadn't changed in the short time we had been apart and I was so pleased to talk to her and to see she was well. "I only got to know him after Rukia was saved. I hardly knew him before then." As I spoke I marvelled at how quickly my life had changed since the ryoka had invaded the Seireitei.

"That's hardly anytime at all and you're married already? How did that happen? Did he sweep you off your feet?" Orihime was very keen to know.

I felt my skin redden. How could I explain it to this innocent girl? "We noticed each other after I, um, relayed an important message." I was not going to mention the bathhouse or the constant sex. "When I returned home after you were kidnapped, we, er, met again, um, fell in love and married very soon afterward, that would be three days ago now. I was on my honeymoon when Gin snatched me." Three days and we had been wrenched apart against our will. I wanted Zaraki so badly I felt like howling. My highly edited version of events made me remember everything so clearly. Looking at Orihime's sweet face I didn't want to explain about Yachiru as I knew she would be upset to hear of her possible death.

"Wow. That's so romantic. Your honeymoon; I expect that's why..," she stopped and blushed. She'd probably noticed the problem that had caused Captain Unohana to ban sex. I wasn't going to talk about it, but I noticed that any pain there had gone and realised she'd probably healed that as well. "So why did the former captain bring you here? He brought you in, deposited you on the ground, took off the collar, demanded I heal you completely and left. I'm sorry. I'm glad you're here for my sake, I can talk to you. I've been so lonely. The Arrancar only want me to heal them, they won't talk to me; I don't think they like me very much." Orihime's mind flitted from one topic to another. Hugging her, I hoped they would at least let me have the comfort of the company of my friend.

"Gin Ichimaru was once my lover and he decided he wanted me here for some reason. He hates the fact that I married Captain Zaraki. Is there any way out of here?" I decided to answer her question as honestly as possible but ignored some of the explanation. The story about my long relationship with Gin was not one I wanted to discuss ever again.

Orihime's mouth opened in astonishment at the disclosed relationship. "The doors locked. There's no way I've found to escape."

As she spoke I felt a tremor hit the building. We clutched each other for support as the building juddered underneath us. I was scared, wondering if it was an earthquake. The windows shook and I noticed they were barred to prevent escape. A cup fell off the table and smashed to the floor, scattering the shards everywhere, the sudden noise scaring both of us. Orihime was shaking as the earthquake continued, whimpering like the child she almost was.

"What was that? What the heck was that?" This place was making me more uncomfortable by the moment. Gin was here and the Arrancar who had tried to kill me, and Aizen.

"I don't know. For a moment I thought I could feel Ichigo. Maybe he has come to save us." Orihime became noticeably animated at her suggestion. Her eyes sparkled as she mentioned Ichigo's name and her total belief that he was ready to invade this stronghold to rescue her, almost made me judge she was correct.

"That would be nice. I hope it's true."

Our conversation was interrupted by the door opening. The green eyed Arrancar I had seen once before strode into the room, his face showing no emotion. "You, come with me," he said indicating me. "I thought you were told not to talk to the woman," he said curtly to Orihime. "Aizen sama will not be happy to hear you have disobeyed a direct instruction."

He held the door open impatiently. Rising to my feet I looked at Orihime who now appeared miserable and anxious at my removal. "Poor girl. She must hate it here," I thought. Instinctively my hand went to my zanpaku-to only to find it had gone. How could I fight without it?

"Of course your weapon was removed. You are a pet and pets do not need weapons. Stop dawdling and get moving or I will hurt you." His voice was cold and emotionless as he eyes regarded me dispassionately. The word 'pet' disturbed me as Orihime had used it before. I did not want to think what it meant.

"Can't she stay with me, please Ulquiorra? We're friends," Orihime did not sound hopeful as she made her request, her eyes looking bleakly at the Arrancar.

"It is precisely that you are friends that you are being separated. That disturbance you felt was the arrival of some fools who think they can save you. Come now, Ichimaru's pet. He's waiting for you."

I felt cold and ill. Gin was waiting for me and the Arrancar was calling me a pet. I couldn't use my blade to protect myself; I would have to rely on kido. Following Ulquiorra as slowly as I could, I thought hard to find a method of escape. Nothing I thought of seemed to help. All my ideas were confounded by grief and fear; fear of Gin, fear of Aizen and profound grief for all my friends, even Yachiru. I wouldn't allow my mind to stray to thoughts of Zaraki.

As we approached a door a further, stronger tremor shook the building and I fell onto my knees at the impact. The shock waves seemed to last longer this time. Ulquiorra clutched at the wall and managed to remain upright while the floor undulated underneath. Once everything was still again, I thought I felt a brief touch of Zaraki's reiatsu, but immediately dismissed the hope. He wouldn't have followed me here; the Captain-General would not allow it and I was sure that Captain Kurotsuchi would immediately play on the fact I had left with Gin; crowing that he was right and I was in league with the traitors. I didn't know if it was possible that anyone had seen the blade at my throat. If Yachiru was dead they might think I had killed her. If she was alive she may be too badly wounded to talk, or too traumatised, or possibly told Zaraki I had left willingly. I hoped she was still alive, no matter what. But I forced myself to believe Zaraki would not come.

"More fools to the slaughter," remarked the Arrancar impassively as he knocked on the door. "It doesn't matter how many Shinigami, humans or creatures are sent here. There is no possibility you will leave unless Ichimaru permits it."

I heard Gin's voice call out the demand to enter and Ulquiorra opened the door. I hung back, unwilling to go into the room, averse to be alone with the man I once loved. My 'guide' noticed and grabbing me by the arm, hauled me into the room, only letting go once I was in the middle of the room. He bowed briefly to Gin and left, closing the door quietly behind him.

I was left standing in the room, longing to be elsewhere. My heart was beating very fast and I felt a lump form in my throat. The room was plainly furnished but did contain a large bed at which I tried not to look. Gin was seated comfortably on a chair, smiling at me.

"Ran, so good to see you well, my pet. You were in considerable disarray when I finally retrieved you. What had you been doing?" Gin said. He waited, obviously expecting a reply, but I kept my lips tightly shut. "Ran, don't be irritable that I didn't take you with me originally. I was tempted when you were holding me close, your blade at my throat, and your body touching mine. You wanted the contact, you were so eager to seize me that no one else had a chance to try. For that brief time, it was pleasant to be your prisoner and now you are mine. I couldn't bring you with me then. There was a lot we had to work out. It doesn't matter, you're here now. We're back together as you always wanted. Come, kiss me."

I did not move. Kissing Gin was not going to happen, not unless I was forced. When I looked at him I clearly remembered how he'd stabbed Yachuri when she'd tried to protect me. The swell of hate I felt for this man staggered me. From love to hate in such a short time; but had I loved him or accepted the semblance of love?

"Could you control your enthusiasm at seeing me, please? It's likely to overwhelm me, the excitement you're displaying at being with me again," he said sarcastically and continued with a bitterness I had not expected. "After all the trouble I went to so you wouldn't feel my loss and this is the thanks? You're not even talking to me. There's no need for pretence, the thug is not here. I'll permit you to admit you missed me and your relief at being alone with me again. Perhaps that's the problem; you can't believe it. It's true. Don't doubt it. You never have to see that freak again," Gin smiled at me complacently as he rose to his feet. "Kiss me, Ran, my pet."

My mouth stretched into a grimace of disgust but I remained silent. He'd called me his pet twice. I did not like how that sounded.

Laconically Gin locked the door and came close, preparing to embrace me. I pushed my hands out, holding him away from me, not wanting to touch him, but not wishing for his arms to hold me. He seemed incredulous at my reaction and stepped back. "Careful of that enthusiasm, Ran. I'll kiss you soon. Stop being so keen." He paused for a beat and then as I continued to resist he asked, "What's going on? I told you there's no need to pretend. You're free of that meaningless marriage and you never have to see the animal again."

"I'm not pretending, and stop insulting my husband. I told you before; I love him, more than I ever loved you. Let me leave, let me go back to him and I'll try to persuade him not to kill you." 'But I won't try very hard', I thought.

Gin laughed, cruelly. "You'll try to persuade that kind and gentle being, Kenpachi, to spare my life. You're so generous, kind and intelligent. I considered having my hearing checked earlier when you told me you loved that thing. I didn't believe it then and I don't believe it now. You've always loved me, always went out of your way to do anything to please me. This attitude, your words do not please me," he grabbed me and in spite of my struggles, pressed his mouth against mine. I jerked my head away, kicking him hard, desperate to be free of his touch. He reacted unexpectedly; removing his mouth from mine and slapping me twice across the face with the flat of his hand.

Astounded I put my hands on my cheeks and backed away from him. Even when Zaraki had been angry with me, he'd bitten me, but never slapped me, not even the first time when I had bitten, kicked and tried to hurt him. I missed him so much.

"That's what you want, isn't it Ran? Are you used to the violence now, because of your 'husband'? Does it make you excited when he hits you? Is that his idea of foreplay? I'm happy to oblige. Might add something that was missing before when we fucked," Gin was moving nearer his hand curving into a fist.

"Zaraki doesn't slap me," I protested backing further away. Was Gin planning to beat me?

"Zaraki doesn't slap me," he mimicked my voice. "When I brought you here your body was so unmarked, it looked like he'd barely touched you. Yeah, I undressed you and looked before I got the girl to heal you. I considered fucking you then, but decided to wait until you were conscious. What about the thing you were hiding under that collar? Hmn? That bite? It didn't look like a love bite. Love bites don't normally have teeth marks. Who gave you that? Could it have been your loving spouse?" Gin demanded. He was very close now and my back was against the wall.

I hesitated. Quietly I began to utter a binding spell as Gin's hands moved toward my sash obviously preparing to undress me. I grabbed at them, wishing I had my zanpaku-to.

As I uttered the last word, Gin used the counter and laughed as his hands continued to undo my sash. "You haven't changed. Did I expect more? Don't be more stupid than normal, Ran. I knew you would try to do that; you're so predictable when you fight. I didn't hear you deny that Kenpachi gave you the bite. Violent bastard, you must be desolate to be free of him. Now, you are going to remove your clothes, lie on the bed and bring me pleasure? Or even better you can suck my cock. That's why you're here, after all. To do whatever I command." He pinched a nipple viciously and I flinched at the pain.

"No." I wanted to throw up. Sex with Gin? His touch revolted me. I pushed him away again.

"Ran, you don't understand, you don't have a choice." He stood close to me, his arms folded over his chest. "I'm not making a request. Why do you think you're here? For your scintillating conversation? Because I couldn't bear to be parted from you? Yeah, of course, being away from you broke my heart. Now, strip and lie on the bed, or I'll force you."

"So, you'll rape me. That's what forced sex is, Gin; rape. I don't want to have sex with you ever or kiss you or let you touch me. The thought of sex with you makes me want to vomit. I will not remove my clothes or bring you pleasure. It's over between us."

"No it isn't. You really don't get it, do you? What was I thinking? How could I expect you to understand something so very complex? I'll try and dumb it down for you, Ran. You are going to suck me and fuck me. You have to do as I say," he said, his hands moving again to my breasts pulling on my nipples.

My knee shot out and I felt a moment of triumph as it connected with him. I watched him bend over, cradling the area I had injured. Damn, I'd missed his groin and got him in the stomach. "Don't touch me again. I don't want you, I don't love you and I will not have sex with you. Physical contact with you disgusts me and I feel ill when you kiss me. Do you understand now, or should I dumb it down for you? I love Zaraki and hate you. Do you know before you abducted me, Captain Unohana banned us from having sex because we couldn't stop fucking each other. We've had constant sex since we married and we were going to have more, once the party was over. Looking at him makes me hot, kissing him drives me wild and he makes me come over and over again. The very first time we screwed, I came, screaming his name. His penis is huge, and he knows how to use it. You can't even compete, Gin; you were never that good in bed; I know that now I have someone to compare you with. Renji's a better lover than you."

"Slut! The animal has a big dick, so what? You'll never feel it inside you again. It's like he was never your lover. I was going to keep you just for my use, but now I think I will share you with Aizen. You've been spreading those legs for everyone since I dumped you, but I fixed that. Aizen was right. You're nothing but a whore, but now you're here, you can whore yourself for me," Gin was recovering and the anger in his voice and body made me feel a little scared. I raised my arm to fend off the anticipated blow, but he pushed it aside and slapped me hard. I fell against the wall, dazed and hurt.

"Not Aizen," I said in a whisper. The thought of that man raping me again, almost made me agree to have sex with Gin, but I immediately dismissed the thought. I would not willingly screw anyone, except Zaraki.

"Are you getting turned on yet, Ran. How many more times do I have to hit you to make you strip? I've never considered this as foreplay, but seeing you're enjoying it so much, I'll continue," Gin's breath was harsh and I wondered if he liked this. He thrust his hand between my legs, grabbing at me as I struggled.

"I'm not going to strip for you or have sex with you. Slapping does not excite me, but it seems to be making you hard. I always wondered if there was something a little twisted about you, all the weird things you wanted to try…" I began and stopped when Gin punched me in the stomach, twice. I fell to the floor, clutching the area he had struck, feeling the pain explode in my mind as well as my body.

"There's nothing wrong with my preferences. How could I expect you to understand? I'll explain this once more. All you have to do is strip, and bring me pleasure and I'll stop hurting you. You have no other choice." Gin grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to my feet. I tried to resist, but he slapped me again. Dragging me over to the bed he pushed me onto it, pulling at my hakama, sliding them over my hips.

"No," I protested receiving more hard slaps in answer to my denial and a further punch, this time to my chest. My head was hurting and I was feeling dizzy from the pain. Weak tears were spilling down my cheeks.

I was now nude from the waist down and I tried to rise from the bed only to be pushed down again. Gin had removed his hakama and I could see evidence of his arousal. Seeing his penis again, I realised how much smaller he was than my two chosen lovers. I caught myself, amazed I was even thinking this way. It was immaterial how large he was; he still intended to rape me and I didn't want him inside me knowing he would make it hurt. Pulling my legs apart with one hand, he knelt between my thighs. "I'm looking forward to this," he said as if to himself. "I've always wanted to fuck another man's wife without him being able to stop me and because you're resisting, I can just take my pleasure as I will. I think I'll enjoy this. You call it rape; I call it amusing."

I tried to twist away and bring my legs together as Gin readied himself. Quietly, knowing he was distracted as he tried to keep me still, I began to utter a binding spell. Just when he was about to thrust into me, I uttered the final word. His face a mask of astonishment, Gin fell to his side. I struggled up from the bed and replaced my clothes, feeling sick from the beating he'd administered. Gingerly, I looked around the room for something to tie him up and found some bonds. Wondering why they were there I quickly tied Gin's hands and legs together before he recovered. Searching through the pockets of his discarded trousers I found my cloth band and the key to the room. I put the cloth band, the reminder of my husband, around my neck.

"Are you going to leave me like this, Ran? It doesn't seem fair after all I've done for you. All the care I've shown you," Gin said petulantly. He didn't seem too worried at the change in supremacy.

"No, I'll gag you before I leave, but I have some questions to ask. You answer them or I'll think of a way of hurting you. Maybe you would like me to treat you the way you treated me, or maybe I could tie something tight around that pitiful erection you have." Gin gulped slightly as I smiled at him humourlessly. The pain was receding, slightly, but that didn't mean I would forgive him. "Explain how you got into the Seireitei?'

"But I want to get inside you. Won't you let me…No you won't, you heartless bitch. You've finally bagged a Captain and now you have no more use for me, do you? I didn't return here with the others after your 'husband' turned up. I stole some clothes and pretended to be an ordinary soul. We'd planned for that. It was so simple. Yesterday an announcement was made that money could be earned by serving the Shinigami at some party or other. I guessed it was something to do with you. I bribed the Shinigami who made the announcement and was one of the lucky ones chosen. He promised not to do any checks on me because of the dosh I paid him. What a fool. As soon as I made my way past the barriers, I lured him down a street and killed him. Hiding the body took more time than killing him and no one noticed, not with all the disorder. I had the foresight to take some drugs with me that easily dissolve in liquid. Unfortunately, it doesn't kill; otherwise this coming war would be unnecessary. I'd thought there would be more security. The 2nd Division idiots who were supposed to be guarding you didn't even see me slip my zanpaku-to in their backs. Is that what you needed to know, you piece of fucking meat," Gin was smug as he related the information. He didn't seem scared, even though he was tied up, though I could see him trying to release his hands.

How many people had died while he was 'retrieving' me? I felt a massive surge of guilt overwhelm me and I sank to the floor, feeling the pain from the beating and the guilt swamp me. I didn't have time for this. I had to escape.

"Why did you kill Yachiru? You could have left her, you didn't have to stab her like that," I wanted to know.

Gin made a pfft noise. "Why worry about that annoying little twerp? She said she didn't like you and you're worried about her? You're such a fool, Ran. Wanting to protect people who dislike you, falling in love with a guy I wouldn't trust and then marrying him. Kenpachi Zaraki must be such a loving husband. He bit you and you're still defending him. Why did he bite you? Was it because he was jealous of me? Jealous that I was first?" His continued struggle to free his hands was more obvious and I felt relief that I had managed to tie him so well. I didn't want him to get loose and attack me again.

"Shut up, Gin. Do you know how ridiculous you look tied up, half naked with a semi flaccid penis? Not even slightly erotic; more sad than sexy." Getting to my feet, I decided to mock him.

"So, it was because of me. You always change the subject when you don't want to answer the question. Your loving husband bit you on the neck like the animal he is. And you're complaining about a few slaps from me. Fool," his grin was wide but not too convincing as he was frowning while vigorously trying to release his hands.

That bite. I placed my hand on my neck where it had been. "He bit me. Then he showed me what you and Tosen did to him. I know you helped Tosen; it's the type of sordid thing you would think of, trying to hang a new Captain so you could take his place. That mark around his neck won't fade like mine would have. Yeah, Zaraki bit me and then tried to heal me and then he told me he would never let you have me and you can guess what we did next. You're the fool Gin."

"Um, Ran. Where did you get the things you tied me up with?" He didn't seem to be listening to me.

Why was he asking that? I'd just used some cord I'd found near the chair he'd been sitting in. "Why?"

"Just curious," I noticed a sheen of sweat of Gin's forehead as he struggled harder.

"They were near the chair," the words were hardly out of my mouth before Gin started yelling at me.

"Bitch. You used the stuff I was going to tie you up with and then let Aizen in here. It makes using kido impossible and is a bugger to get out of unless someone helps you." He paused for a moment and smiled at me unconvincingly. "Untie me, please Ran," the last words were said imploringly in the tone he had always used when he wanted me to do something. I'd always complied.

"Keeping me for yourself? That was another lie. Why would I untie you? Why do you even think I would? I'm leaving. Don't worry, I won't kill you; I'll leave that entertainment for my husband. Thanks for helping me realise what a loser you are." I grabbed his hakama, began gagging him and then thought of a question. "Where's my zanpaku-to?" He shook his head, so I just shrugged and gagged him.

I checked my appearance before I left. Both cheeks were red from the slaps he'd inflicted and bruises were forming on them and my chest. It didn't matter. I was trying to escape, nothing more, but I was sure I could faintly feel Zaraki's reiatsu.

"Bye, bye ex-Captain Ichimaru. I'll tell my husband all the details of how well you treated me. Did I mention that compared to Renji and Zaraki, you have a really tiny penis? I hope I never have to see you, or it, again. This time I'm the one to walk away," I cooed as I opened the door. Once outside I locked the door and left, taking the key with me. Walking down the long hallway, I retraced my way to where Orihime was being held. Maybe I could free her and we could escape together.

Rounding the corner, I stopped, shocked. The tall strong figure facing in the other direction was wearing a Captain's coat: Number 11. I could see the bells. My heart leapt and I could hardly keep my knees from giving way. How had Zaraki managed to find me so quickly?

* * *

A.N:

Reviews welcome.


	15. The Terror

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

Warning: Writing this chapter made my chest ache. It's bitter and brutal and will probably be hard to read.

**The Terror**

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself; I was shivering and didn't know why. For a moment I wondered at his timely arrival; it seemed too opportune. Zaraki would not be happy seeing me look like this, but I wondered if he would he be pleased to see me. It didn't matter because I was overjoyed to see him. I ran toward him, wanting to be in his arms once more. He would take me away from here and I could find out if Yachiru had survived. I hoped she did because I didn't want anyone else to suffer on my behalf. The tall figure in front of me, turned toward me, gradually.

I faltered and slowed. He wasn't smiling at me; he gave no sign he was pleased to see me and his expression was severe, while he was holding himself rigid in an unfamiliar posture. So forbidding did he look, that I stopped running, and stood still, nervously waiting for him to speak. We looked at each other, silently, each expecting the other to start the conversation. Pleased as I was to see Zaraki, I felt terrible. My face ached from the slaps and my head throbbed, while my stomach, still unsettled by Gin's punches, suddenly began to churn, making me feel ill. It was as if it was reacting to something I couldn't see. The sensation reminded me of a well remembered terror, but I could not recognise the source of the fear.

"Where have you been, wife? Have you been playing with your lover, Gin? It must have got a little rough as I see you're marked?" The words sounded roughly like something Zaraki would say, but he didn't normally talk to me like that. Playing with Gin? That sounded wrong. Zaraki would have said something about screwing him and the anger in his voice would have been unmistakable. This person seemed extraordinarily calm.

"He's not my lover; we've already talked about that a few times. Why do you keep mentioning it? He's nothing to me. He means less than that bastard Aizen, who I hope rots in the depths of hell," I answered automatically, watching him, trying to see if there was something I had overlooked. He looked like Zaraki, didn't he?

"Of course he's your lover, Ran. You're here, aren't you? He's here. To me it's obvious that you came with him willingly, despite all the things you said about loving me. You fucked me and all the time you were waiting to spread your legs for him. It was all a farce when you let me get inside you and pretend that I satisfied you. You wanted Gin all the time, didn't you? Why did I have to marry a lying bitch?" I flinched at the words. Even when he was furious with me the worst thing Zaraki had called me was a fool and a liar. He had never called me names and he was calling me Ran again. His eyes were not on my face, but seemed fixed on my cleavage.

The rising terror was making it hard for me to think rationally. I remembered my major concern, the thing that had been on my mind since Gin abducted me. "How's Yachiru?" I asked staying my distance. I could not judge if he was angry and that was odd. His moods had been easy to read back in the Seireitei. Even as I asked the question I wondered if this person in front of me even knew the answer.

"She's dead. She died trying to protect you. Are you happy now that my lieutenant is dead and you're here?" he continued ignoring my gasp. I started to cry. Hearing of her death distressed me and it was my fault. I'd never have the chance to become friends with her. I didn't know if it was the truth, but I had feared this answer. "Isn't that what you wanted, Ran? My friend is dead because of you. You're the cause of her death even though you didn't stab her. I'll never forgive you for that." He still did not look me in the face as he replied and his attitude was detached. I would have expected to be subject to his hate filled glare by now, but he didn't raise his eyes.

Even while I thought there was something wrong, his words made my heart sink. As I continued to sob, my stomach became even more unsettled. I wondered if it was the news of her death that was causing this feeling. Zaraki did not move closer toward me, he stayed where he was, his expression impassive, and his stance inflexible.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't want her to die. I didn't want anyone to die and I certainly didn't wish to come here. Please take me home," I remained standing where I was, uncertain how he would react if I moved any nearer.

"I don't believe you, but that's not important now." Zaraki seized me by the arm and dragged me through a nearby door into an empty bedroom. He started to undo my sash, tugging at it while I stood there not knowing what to do. The man looked like Zaraki, but he didn't talk like him. When he told me of Yachiru's death, he had seemed unmoved. Now I was closer to him I could inhale his scent, and he smelt slightly wrong. The reiatsu was strong, very strong, but it didn't feel like my husband. I felt no flicker of desire for the man attempting to undress me and Zaraki would have ripped my clothes off by now if he wanted sex. One other fact that kept irritating me was, even if Zaraki was furious with me I would have expected him to glare at me, not stare at my cleavage.

Testing a theory, I gingerly put my arms around him, scared to touch this person, but needing to judge his reaction. He stopped trying to undress me and pushed me away. His body was cold and did not warm me like Zaraki's. "I don't want that, I just want to fuck what's between your legs. Get your clothes off, whore and I might let you live. I see the bite is gone, I'll give you more, all over your body, to replace that one."

I looked at him closely, trying to see Aizen under the exterior of Zaraki. It had to be him. He resembled Zaraki perfectly in the way he looked, but how could he hope to make me believe he was my husband? I knew Aizen's zanpaku-to had the power to take over the mind, but the feeling in my stomach had alerted me that something was wrong. He didn't speak like Zaraki, but like a bad actor who didn't know the lines or the character he was playing, and he'd rejected my embrace, something Zaraki had never done. Even in extreme anger he had permitted me to hold him. I remembered Gin was going to bind me and bring Aizen into the room. He might have been lurking in the corridor waiting for his chance, but why hadn't he come to help Gin?

"You don't have to do that, Kenpachi," I said, using the name deliberately.

"How dare you contradict me? I am your husband and you will be quiet and do as I command," the harsh voice addressed me.

I dropped my eyes to hide my sudden knowledge. "I'm so sorry Kenpachi. I didn't mean to question you." If he thought I was submissive with Zaraki, I'd allow the farce to continue.

"Don't ever question me again, slut," the man ordered me. "Lie down and spread your legs."

My eyes darted around the room. Could I escape? If I lay on the bed this man would rape me and I never wanted him to touch me again.

A hand grasped my throat hard. "Why are you're hesitating. Why Ran? Do you enjoy it when I'm angry with you or aren't you scared of incurring my displeasure?'

I choked under the pressure of the fingers. It brought back memories of when Aizen had raped me and had kept a hand hard on my throat to prevent me screaming. At one point I had nearly lost consciousness and he released the force so I wouldn't escape into oblivion. He'd wanted me to experience the rape fully. His hand still on my throat he dragged me to the bed. I hit out at him, but he ignored me, increasing the pressure slightly. I had no breath for kido and I began to panic. Was I going to die first, or was he going to rape me then kill me, or worse keep me alive and keep raping me? For a moment he let go of my throat as he pulled at my shirt and hakama and I felt them give under his hand. I struggled and pushed at him, but I did not seem to be able to make contact. My head was throbbing and I struggled to regain my breath

"Get off me, Aizen, you bastard," I yelled and tried to remember a kido while I brought my knee up. He avoided my futile attacks and tore at my clothes.

"So, you worked out I'm not Kenpachi, did you? I'm surprised. Gin told me you were stupid, but I think he underestimated you; maybe he always did. Do you remember the last time we fucked, Ran? It was good, wasn't it?" He said and then shattered the illusion. It was now Aizen holding me down, forcing my legs apart.

"That was rape and you know it. I'd never let you touch me if I had the choice," I began, only stopping when he punched me in the eye and then grabbed me by the throat again squeezing tightly.

"It was just a fuck. Words like rape don't scare me, but I want you aware of everything. When I'm fucking you, I want you to know it, feel everything and fight against me, otherwise it's not entertaining," he said as his fingers tightened even further.

The air in my lungs was giving out and I thought sadly of Zaraki. I hoped he would not hate me too much for dying.

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I tried to open my eyes but one was swollen shut. My throat hurt; it was hard to swallow and I couldn't move. I was naked, very cold, tied to a bed and my body was a mass of pain. My face ached, my stomach. I tried looking down and noticed bruises, bites and scratches defaced my body, little of the skin remaining unmarked.

"You're finally awake. Did you sleep well, Ran? You must be feeling refreshed because you've slept for a whole day. For a short time I thought you were dying which would have been a shame; it would have interfered badly with how I planned our reunion this time. Last time was a disappointment for me, and for you too I'm sure. I was going to get the girl to heal you, but Aizen decided that we'd see if you pleased us first. Oh, don't worry. I know you would have hated it if we had screwed you while you were asleep. We decided to wait until you were awake so you could enjoy it, but we had to do something to pass the time. I suggested that we give you a few bite marks because you seemed so upset to lose the one your loving husband gave you. It wasn't as pleasurable as I'd hoped, because you didn't react, no matter what we did. You are so lucky to have me here to care for you, I hope you appreciate it. By the way, I've changed my mind about marrying you. I don't marry pets and that is what you are. My little pet. If you're good I'll feed you and play with you. If you're not, I'll let everyone play with you," his voice dropped and became hard. "I haven't forgotten your kind words when you left me tied up, Ran. I think you'll find size doesn't matter very soon. I used those bonds to tie you this time so you can't escape. Don't hope that your husband will come and rescue you; I don't think he cares that much."

I tried to say something but only a harsh croak emerged from my throat.

"How amusing. You can't talk, poor little pet. Aizen became a little too enthusiastic when he was with you; you must have really excited him because he was furious when he came to free me. He said you passed out before he could get inside you and he tried to wake you up by hitting you, but you wouldn't rouse. So we had a talk and decided that when you woke up we'd fuck you at the same time. Aizen will be here shortly, but I may as well start enjoying myself now. You don't mind do you?"

My efforts to talk were ignored as Gin lay on me fully dressed his mouth on level with my chest. The pressure of his body on mine made me hurt so badly, the pain almost making me cry, but I refused to weep. He would want tears. He covered my nipple with his mouth and the contact between his mouth and my flesh made me feel nauseous and I retched, but he ignored me, suckling at me. A look of bliss crossed his face as he continued to pull on my nipple with his mouth. At one time I had thought it was sweet how much he liked sucking my breasts, but it was never for my pleasure. I felt his penis stir as he became more excited and I shut my eyes, trying to pretend it wasn't happening, trying to ignore the pain.

"This must be making you hot, is it Ran?" Gin asked. He pushed a hand between my legs and thrust a finger into me.

The movement awakened more pain and I tried to scream as his finger penetrated me. It hurt badly and I was so dry.

"You're not even slightly wet but it doesn't matter. I'll fuck you anyway. I wish Aizen would get here. I don't want to wait any longer."

"Get away from my wife," said a thunderous voice and for a moment my heart leapt as Zaraki came into the room.

Gin quickly got up, his smile wide but his attitude was guarded. Then he did a double-take and laughed. 'You're really going to do it? You're going to screw her pretending to be Kenpachi?"

"Yeah, why not," he said in a familiar growl. "It might make it a little more interesting if I'm fucking her up the arse while in the form of her husband."

It was what I had feared. I swallowed hard and tried to clear my throat but they ignored me. Gin was untying my hands and I began to struggle, attempting to free myself, but I was too weak and moving hurt too much. He turned me onto my side and tied my hands to the bed again while Aizen tied one of my feet. Why had he left one foot free? Then it dawned on me. Kicking out, I managed to make contact with one of them but received a punch in my kidneys for my attempt at resistance.

"Can we get on with this? I don't want to wait anymore Aizen; sorry I mean Kenpachi."

"Yeah. Let's do this."

I heard the sounds of fabric being dropped to the floor as they undressed.

"You took your time getting here," Gin complained.

"I'm here now. You were enjoying yourself anyway,"

"I brought some lube. You might just want to lube the head to make sure you can get in. She's going to be very tight, I know," Gin offered.

My heart was pounding in my chest as the terror overwhelmed me. Zaraki wouldn't want me now, not ever again. He'd almost gone insane when he thought I'd fucked Gin and Aizen at the same time and now it was going to happen. Maybe I could anger them enough so that they would kill me soon and I would not have to live this way. I felt the bed dip as Gin settled in front of me and Aizen behind me the slight movement of the bed causing my body to stiffen in pain. I gasped silently as they pressed their bodies against me and felt their hands touch me. I tried to scream and I thrashed as much as I could despite the agony of moving, knowing that it was pointless, that there was no escape. Aizen put his hands on my buttocks as Gin parted me with his fingers. My body was racked with shudders as I anticipated the worst.

"Stop."

I opened my good eye which was closest to the bed, wondering who had spoken. The command seemed to work and both Aizen and Gin froze. I was too scared to move, thinking I recognised the voice, but at the same time scared that it was another trick. I felt Zaraki's reiatsu and began to hope.

"Aizen, remove your hands or I'll cut them off and get off the bed, fast. I might cut your hands off anyway. Ikkaku, tie the bastard up, and make him stop pretending to be me. I'm almost inclined to stab him just to see what happens when he dies."

"Why should I get up, Kenpachi? I'm going to fuck your wife. You can watch if you like, see what it looks like when you're screwing."

As they spoke Gin had removed his hands, but was still pressing his body against mine, pushing his penis between my legs. I hated the feel of his skin on mine. At one time I would have been prepared for any indignity just to have him this near to me. Now I couldn't bear his touch.

I heard a hiss of anger and felt a rush of air pass me, followed by the sensation of hot liquid splashing on my back. The man behind me was dragged from the bed, squealing in outrage. "You can't do that to me."

"Gag him. Knock him out. I thought that cutting him would be enough to make the fucker shut up," fury resounded through Zaraki's voice. "There's no fun in just sticking a guy. I'd prefer to fight this useless traitor, because I don't think killing him will be enough."

'You promised not to kill them," a calm voice advised Zaraki.

"Retsu, I know I told the old man I'd bring them back alive, but you'll understand if I just kill them now. He doesn't know we're here, at least not yet, because we came early without permission. Let me kill them," Zaraki demanded. I didn't know if he would listen to reason.

"Even if we are not officially here or meant to be here, you did make that promise, Zaraki," Retsu reminded him. "They have to stand trial and be judged. A rushed execution here would achieve nothing and proper procedures should be followed."

"But Retsu, they hurt her. They hurt my beloved Matsumoto. They took her away from me. Ichimaru tried to kill Yachiru. They don't deserve justice," Zaraki sounded like he was losing his ability to restrain his temper.

I heard a loud thump and the sound of a body falling to the floor.

As Aizen was dragged off the bed, Gin was being hoisted away by Yumichika whose face was set in a mask of anger. There was a smudge of dirt on his face and his hair was not as smoothly arranged as normal. He refused to look at me, totally focused on the man he was removing from the bed.

"I think we managed to drive your husband over the edge, I've never heard him sound so weak; calling you 'beloved'. He was close to going insane anyway. So sorry to disappoint you, Ran. I know you were looking forward to both of us screwing you. Don't worry, I'll repay you one day," Gin murmured as he was pulled away from me. I heard another thump as a second body dropped. I started to panic again.

The bed dipped again and I tensed, scared that the attempt to rescue me had meant more deaths, but gentle hands undid the cords that tied my hands and then the cord that tied my leg. I rolled over onto my back, wincing at the pain I felt. Captain Unohana covered me with a sheet her face a picture of distress.

With my one good eye I glanced around and saw who was in the room. Zaraki was standing there, his zanpaku-to's tip pointed at an unconscious Aizen's throat, but his eyes were on me. I could see that he'd been fighting, there were cuts and marks on him, signs that he had fought hard. I scanned his face. Never before had I seen an expression there like the one I witnessed now. Rage, pain, fear and regret. I shut my eye. Regret. He didn't want me anymore. He'd seen me on the bed with two of the people he hated the most and that was the end of it.

'Lieutenant Rangiku, can you talk?" Captain Unohana asked quietly.

I opened my mouth trying to speak, but could only croak.

"Could you please take the prisoners and leave the room? I need to examine the Lieutenant. I'm worried about the damage that may have been done to her," Captain Unohana said.

I heard footsteps and the sound of dragging as the room emptied.

"I'm staying Retsu. You can't make me leave," Zaraki's voice said harshly.

"I wouldn't ask you to leave, Captain. I need you here to reassure your wife. I'm almost scared to touch her. Lieutenant, this may hurt, but I need to see how I can help you. Will you allow me to examine you?"

I nodded, my eyes still shut, not wishing to see the compassion on her face or the regret on Zaraki's.

She touched my eye. I jerked back from the pain of the contact. "This didn't happen today. It is bad if it's still this swollen."

Her fingers gently touched the bruises on my cheeks and jaw line. She pulled the sheet down and I heard her gasp. "It looks like someone tried to strangle her and nearly succeeded."

I felt the sheet pulled back and a hand grasped mine. At least my hand didn't hurt. Zaraki wouldn't be holding my hand because he would be too angry with me for not fighting back, for leaving him. He probably thought I'd been fucking them willingly even if I was tied up. I didn't know. I felt sad at hurting him again. It was nice of Captain Urahara to try to provide the reassurance by holding my hand as she examined me. Her hand was so warm and it made me feel like someone cared. She was so kind, but why was she kissing my hand? Did she like me that much?

"Her body is covered with bites and cuts. She has been punched, many times, in the chest, in the stomach, and a number of other places. All these injuries have occurred within the last day and have caused extensive damage. Zaraki, this is bad. She hasn't just been beaten, they did it in such a way as to cause as much pain and damage as possible." Her voice shook as she continued listing my injuries as her hands continued to examine me. Her hands? Who was holding mine?

I opened my eye reluctantly to see Zaraki pressing my hand to his lips again. He looked shaken and angrier than I had ever seen him and he was watching Retsu not looking at me. My heart beat a little less painfully now I knew he was holding my hand.

I needed to ask something. It was important. I opened my mouth and tried to croak out one word. I heard a small sound and tried again to say "Yachiru?"

A startled look crossed Zaraki's face and he looked at me, wincing a little as he saw my face. "Yachiru? You look like you're dying and you want to know how Yachiru is? She's recovering. You must have distracted Ichimaru when he tried to kill her because he didn't hit any vital organs. She's eating plenty of sweets and is being well looked after and she insisted I come to get you back. She heard the conversation between you and Ichimaru when you were under the influence of the drugs and said she doesn't hate you anymore." His voice was tired as he continued to hold my hand.

I felt a surge of relief at his words. I had not caused Yachiru's death. I almost smiled, but the muscles in my face weren't working too well.

"I need to get your wife back to the Seireitei as soon as possible. I'm worried about internal injuries which are very probable, considering the extensive bruising,' Captain Unohana said as briskly as she could.

"I'm not letting her out of my sight," Zaraki said bluntly his hand squeezing mine painfully.

"One of my major concerns is how to get her back. I think I'll have to use my zanpaku-to to convey her or the pain will be too much." I could hear an element of worry behind the steady tone the Captain was using.

Zaraki cleared his throat as if hesitating to ask the next question. "Retsu, did they…"

I wondered what he was driving at and I noticed Retsu was examining my sex. "No. No sign of intercourse. I think we must have interrupted them. That surprises me. I thought they would have raped her by now. Lieutenant, please drink this. It will soothe your throat and may make it possible to answer some questions."

She lifted my head and held a cup at my mouth. I drank the contents greedily, feeling the liquid soothe the fire that was in my throat.

"They wanted me awake. I've been unconscious," I rasped, trying to answer the unspoken question.

Comprehension dawned on Retsu's face. "You mean you'd just become conscious and they were both going to take you? While you were like this?"

I nodded.

"Those pricks have to die," Zaraki yelled.

"Calm down, Zaraki. You're making this more difficult and you're upsetting Lieutenant Rangiku," Retsu was giving me an injection of some kind. I didn't even feel the sting of the needle.

Zaraki was trying to embrace me and I whimpered as my body was moved. I wanted him to hold me, I wanted him close to me, but the pain made me cry. Their voices were becoming fainter. Were they moving away?

"Please, be careful, Zaraki. If you hold her like that you may hurt her even more. We shouldn't be having this discussion now. I'm taking her back to 4th Division; don't even begin to argue. In matters of health I have the final say." The firmness in Captain Unohana's voice brooked no refusal.

"Whatever. I'm going with her. I want her back in my arms again. I didn't know I could miss holding someone," Zaraki said, holding my hand, but I couldn't feel it too well.

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A pair of lips were pressed against mine. I struggled against the contact, loathing the feeling of anyone being close to me. I couldn't bear the touch of anyone. Gin hated me, Aizen had raped me, I was worthless and I wanted to die. If anyone touched me it meant they would be contaminated by their contact with me. If only Gin had loved me in return, then none of this would have happened.

"Matsumoto, open your eyes. Please, beloved."

I knew the voice. The voice belonged to Captain Kenpachi Zaraki, the captain of 11th Division. Why was he here? Why was he calling me beloved and kissing me? It didn't make any sense. I flinched as I opened my eyes. One of them felt sore but it seemed to work. I looked at the man sitting beside the bed who had one of my hands in his. It was Captain Zaraki. Why was he holding my hand? What the hell was going on?

"I'm sorry to bother you, Captain but where is Captain Ichimaru? Has he forgiven me?" My voice sounded croaky and my throat hurt when I talked and then I shivered; cold even in the warmth of the bed.

The Captain dropped my hand and almost ran to the door. "Retsu; Retsu, get your butt in here. Now! She doesn't know who I am. She's asking for that bastard Ichimaru." His voice was loud and hurt my ears. I flinched at the noise, hoping the loud, scary man would go away.

Captain Unohana came rushing into the room and looked at me. She tried to compose herself and smiled at me. "Hello Lieutenant. Do you know who I am?"

"Yes. You're Captain Unohana." I answered. Of course I knew who she was. I wondered where Gin was. Would he come and visit me if I was hurt?

"And do you know who this man is, the one frowning at you," she indicated the alarming man standing near the bed.

"He's Captain Kenpachi Zaraki, head of 11th Division. I don't know why he's here. I don't think we've ever talked. Why is he looking at me like that?" I was scared by the ferocity of his gaze, but secretly I'd always wished he would notice me. Not when I was with Gin, of course, well, not openly, but this Captain fascinated me. His strength, his size had always made me feel small, something very few people could do. I gazed at his chest and flushed at the way my thoughts were progressing.

'Retsu, she's forgotten me. What the hell's happened?" The Captain was looking at me and shouting at the head of 4th Division. Why was he angry with her?

"It was a new cure but you insisted I save her at any cost. She was dying, Zaraki, remember, the internal injuries were too great for normal treatment and you insisted you didn't care as long as she survived. Memory loss was a potential side effect, I warned you of that, but it didn't seem likely."

What were they talking about? Oh, that's right. These two were rumoured to be lovers, but why were they talking about me like this? I was dying? From what?

"Lieutenant Rangiku, do you remember the Ryoka?" Captain Retsu asked very casually as she took a small bag from her pocket and extracted a vial of liquid and a syringe. "I'll give her this. It might help her memory," she said quietly to Captain Zaraki.

"Ryoka? Were their Ryoka? What were they doing?" The question seemed most peculiar.

"Do you remember Ichigo?" Captain Zaraki demanded.

I felt a small sting of pain in my arms, but I ignored it, wanting to concentrate on what the Captain was saying. I shook my head. Why would I remember a particular strawberry? Captain Unohana whispered something to the 11th Division Captain and they both stared at me as if waiting for something.

I looked at the tall Captain and wondered why I felt a sudden rush of passion as I looked at his face. His teeth were barred at me and he looked angry. I was suddenly terrified he was going to bite me on the neck.

My head truly hurt and I felt a wave of pain travel through my body. "You bit me. You bit me on the neck and I hadn't done anything wrong. Why did you bite me so hard? Do you hate me, Zaraki? I love you so much and you hate me. Zaraki, please don't hate me, please call me beloved, just once more. I'll do anything you want; keep me with you," I sobbed suddenly remembering the love I had for this man. I'd hurt him so badly without meaning to and lost his love.

I felt a pair of strong arms embrace me. "That bite keeps coming back to haunt me, but this time it's making you remember." I felt his lips press tightly against mine and I kissed him back, uncertain if this was the right thing to do, in front of his lover, but unable to prevent myself. I put my arms around him, wanting to remove his clothes and mine.

"Who am I beloved? Who am I to you?" The arms continued to hold me close and I wanted to remain within that embrace.

I shook my head still very confused, unable to believe I thought I loved this man. "Aren't you two lovers?" I asked Captain Unohana.

"Not for a very long time. The Captain is married now," Captain Unohana said watching for my reaction.

I flushed again. I'd just kissed a married man and wanted to take it further. What sort of woman was I? I pushed the embracing arms away. "I'm sorry Captain. I'll apologise to your wife. I hope she won't hate me too much." I felt another wave of pain and remembered seeing Captain Zaraki naked, smiling and looking down at me as we fucked. The accompanying rush of lust was intense and I almost gasped at the need I felt. "We were lovers," I exclaimed, embarrassed at how my hands were reaching out for the man, greedily.

"Yeah," he took my hands in his and looked at me again. "Beloved, I order you to remember me."

"I don't think you should call me beloved. Your wife won't like it," removing my hands from his. I envied his wife whoever she was. If I were married to Zaraki I'd be allowed to have sex with him. We'd been lovers once and then I'd told him I loved him and then scared at what I had said, mocked him, asking how I could love him. How could I have said that to him? No wonder he married someone else.

"You were at the wedding. Don't you remember?" Captain Unohana prompted gently.

I had an image of holding hands with Zaraki in front of the Captain-General and was overcome by a third wave of pain that made me scream, as surges of agony passed through me. "Oh, let me die. Zaraki, I don't want to live without you. Gin and Aizen are going to rape me and I want to die."

Zaraki lifted me off the bed and crushed me to his chest as I wept, overcome by the memories. "Beloved, they didn't rape you, remember? They hurt you badly, you almost died. I couldn't let you die."

"Captain Zaraki, put your wife down. I have to check her immediately and I can't do so if you're squeezing the life out of her."

I felt Zaraki replace me gently on the bed. After a few minutes of examination Captain Unohana said, "I must go and check my notes; this reaction worries me badly. Those episodes of extreme pain are not usual and I worry that they will recur. The treatment seems to have removed much of the bruising, but she is still exceedingly weak and needs to be handled very carefully. I will allow you 10 minutes alone. Captain Zaraki, do not try to resume marital relations in that time. Your wife is fragile and needs time to recover." She left the room and I suddenly didn't know what to say. My memory was still very patchy.

"We're married," I said, fumbling with my memories. I had to think. If I stopped thinking I could feel Gin and Aizen pressing against me.

"To each other. We have been for five days now," Zaraki grated.

"It can't be five days. We got married the day the Arrancar attacked, I remember. We had that party the next day when Gin…" I stopped not wanting to pursue that particular memory.

"We've been married five days. You were taken from me on the second day and I couldn't get you back until two days later and you've been unconscious since then. Out of five days of marriage we've been together not quite two."

"How's Yachiru?" I remembered that Gin had tried to kill her.

"She's fine. She's been in and out of here checking up on you since you returned." Zaraki was quick to reassure me, but looked at me wonderingly. I wondered what I had said.

"What about Gin and Aizen?" I had to know. Mentioning their names made me recall being trapped between them, terrified of the contact.

"Yeah, about that," Zaraki was rubbing the back of his neck, uncomfortably and would not look at me. "I have to go back to Los Noches and help Ichigo. Somehow Aizen got his hands on his zanpaku-to and he and Gin escaped, while they were naked. Must have been a bit of a shock for the Arrancar."

My heart dropped. They had escaped and Zaraki was going back, leaving me here. "No, no. You can't go." I reached up and wrapped my arms around his waist holding onto him as tightly as I could, wanting him and his body heat. I had to feel his body against me. My face was jammed against him and I noticed something hard pressing into my cheek. I looked up to see an unmistakable glint in his eye. I began to undo his hakama, needing him so badly my hands were shaking, but he pulled away.

"Didn't you hear what Captain Unohana said?" His voice was stern.

"She said marital relations. She didn't forbid me to suck you, did she?" That wasn't marital relations, it was something else.

"I say you can't." he sat on the bed and pulled me close, kissing me. His tongue slipped into my mouth and I licked it gently, wanting to show him my love.

I wanted the kiss to go on forever. He was holding me so close and I felt all the unconscious fear slip away the longer he held me, his touch warding away the other bodies that had been close to me so recently. Opening my eyes at the withdrawal of his lips, I felt his hands pull my robe apart. I hoped it meant he was going to make love to me, but instead he was looking intently at my throat. "Retsu won't let me see the bruises because it upsets me too much. I had to go and fight when I saw the damage done to you. I tried to take on my whole Division, just to get rid of some of the rage but it was no challenge. Luckily your Captain came to see me, to find out how you were and what had happened. He got irate when I told him what had happened and fought me in order to calm down. He's a good fighter, your Captain, especially when he's angry and he was; I've never seen him so mad. Muttered something about people hurting his older sister; I suppose that's you. He's got some clever moves."

I felt a slight twinge of sadness that he had not stayed with me, but he continued,

"I wanted to stay with you, but Retsu wouldn't let me in the room. You were crying in your sleep and I kept trying to hold you, but it hurt you and made you moan in pain. I only want to hear you moan in pleasure." He kissed me longingly before asking, "Who strangled you?"

"Aizen. He was trying to rape me, but I fought back and he squeezed too hard. I blacked out and he wanted me aware of what he was doing." I would not lie.

"What was Gin squealing about?"

I explained as briefly as I could everything I could remember. As I talked, Zaraki was examining my body looking at the marks. He didn't try to touch me to arouse me and I felt sad. Didn't I appeal to him anymore?

Pulling me close he kissed me again, a sweet loving kiss with none of the urgency I wanted. I pulled away. "I'm sorry. You don't want me anymore. I understand; you saw me with Aizen and Gin and now you don't desire me. You don't have to pretend, Zaraki."

"What the fuck are you talking about woman?" He grabbed my hand and put it on his erection. "You felt this before. Not want you? I'm fighting the urge to pin you down and screw you until neither of us can move, which in your case would be now. Beloved, I want you to get better, and then we can have sex for days. You heard Retsu."

"Lieutenant, please stop arousing your husband. I don't think he can take much more," Captain Unohana's amused voice interrupted.

I looked down and noticed my hand was stroking Zaraki lingeringly. I wanted to touch him so much but I grabbed Zaraki's hands instead. "Captain Unohana, when can I go home? I don't want to be here."

"Lieutenant, did you even listen? You almost died and I used a treatment that is basically untested. I didn't want to but your husband insisted I try everything I my power. I have no idea what the side effects will be, but you are alive. You have to stay here until all the wounds heal and you regain your strength and I need to monitor your progress. I advise you to go to sleep now, to assist the healing process. As a former rape victim you may need counselling before you're interested in having sex again."

"Interested in sex? I want Zaraki now. I want him so badly it hurts," I said, not caring what she heard. My head still ached but that didn't seem important. I wanted to apologise the best way I could for all the trouble I'd caused him and I wanted to rid myself of the memory of Gin and Aizen being near me.

"I don't know, maybe the drug has an effect on the libido," Captain Unohana began.

"No, that's just how I feel. I always feel like that when I'm near him. I want him all the time," I said my eyes fixed on Zaraki's. He looked at me and, grudgingly, smiled a little.

"I've never seen any one behave like this before. I wonder what combination of chemicals caused this. Lieutenant, please exercise some control." Captain Unohana said but was interrupted.

"She always talks to me like that, now. I want to hear her talk like that," Zaraki stated.

Retsu shook her head at his words. "Look Lieutenant, I have to keep you here overnight. I'll try to accelerate your healing but I don't know how much I can do. I've told you before, you need to sleep."

"Do what you want, I'm leaving here tomorrow and going home with my husband. He's going back and I have to be with him before he goes. Zaraki, when are you going back to Los Noches?" I asked and noticed a strange look pass between the two of them. "You're going back together, to help Ichigo, aren't you?"

"Yeah, we are. But I've been putting it off, waiting until I knew you were going to live," Zaraki answered slowly. He would have already been there if it wasn't for me.

"When are you going?" I made the demand again.

"We're going tomorrow," Zaraki said, very reluctantly.

I tried to get out of the bed and I felt both Captain Unohana and Zaraki striving to keep me still. "You can't keep me here. I told you, I have to be with Zaraki. I want his body on mine to take away the memory of Gin and Aizen. I can't bear the memory of their touch on my skin. I feel like they're still handling me and it makes me nauseous. Only Zaraki can take that away."

Captain Unohana was shaking her head. "I can't allow that. You need rest."

I collapsed on the bed, and turned away from them. I couldn't bear the sight of Zaraki. He told me his feelings hadn't changed but I didn't believe him. How could he still care for me after all he had seen and heard?

Every time I moved I felt the loathed touch of Gin and Aizen against me. I gagged, trying not to be sick. I shut my eyes and the images rose before my eyes: Aizen holding me down, Gin punching me and other moments in Los Noches; the terror overcame me and I started shaking uncontrollably, mewling my fear aloud.

"Retsu?" There was a commanding quality in Zaraki's voice.

"No. Be reasonable, both of you. I'll give her something to calm her down."

"That will only work for a short time. Retsu, leave now. I need to talk to my wife in private." The force in Zaraki's voice scared me.

"This is against my orders, Captain. I'll summon Captain Yamamoto if you do not take my advice. I'm warning you, Zaraki; it's too soon and you'll hurt her." Despite her brave words, Captain Unohana sounded scared.

"Don't you think I know that? Call who you like, do what you want, I'm not listening. I know what I have to do and it's not what you think. Get out, or I'll throw you out and I'll kill anyone who comes to this room tonight. Keep everyone away." The compelling nature of his words seemed to strike Captain Unohana.

I heard her sigh. "Violence is not always the answer. I have no idea what you plan, but I'm warning you, Zaraki." I heard her leave the room and the sound of a key turning in the lock. Loving hands pulled down the sheet and removed my clothes, gently touching me, soothing me. Lips claimed mine as the hands stroked the few uninjured parts of my body. The terror died a little.

"I love you, Matsumoto," Zaraki murmured, releasing me for a few moments as he took his clothes off, including the band around his neck.

My heart leapt. We were going to have sex, despite what Retsu said. Zaraki picked me up, softly cradling me against him and then lay down in the bed arranging me on top of him, holding me close and pulling the covers over us both. His erection was between us and I expected him to start arousing me, but instead he kissed me, the gentle lip to lip kiss that I had missed so much.

'I love you too, Zaraki. Are we going to make love?" I asked, hopefully.

I felt his chest shake a little as he laughed. "Make love? I don't know if I've ever done that before. No, we're not. You said that you still felt those bastards' bodies touching you. I thought if I held you like this, it might help," his hands rubbed my back, all the places he could touch, removing the taint of those other hands. "Close your eyes."

I obeyed and gloried in feeling his skin against mine, his erection straining against me and his warm hands stroking me. The terror faded further the longer his flesh was in contact with mine. The unwanted feel of Gin and Aizen was being replaced by the touch of the man who loved me. I inhaled his scent again and kissed the skin that was closest to me. The rhythm of his breathing pacified me and made me relax even further. I cuddled as close to him as I could, feeling warm and safe for the first time since I'd been abducted.

* * *

A.N.

Thanks for the reviews.

Yeah, another chapter with lots of plot. Smut will feature in the next chapter, when I find time to write it.

Review this chapter and I might even post it. :p


	16. The Surprise

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Surprise**

I woke slowly, hoping that the arms holding me were those of Zaraki. I could not even try to pretend any more. Everyone knew that I loved him and I now accepted I had never loved Gin. What I had felt for him was a cheap and tawdry imitation of how I felt for the man who had saved me from my former lover. My feelings for Gin had been more of a need to feel love and possibly gratitude, but not love.

Zaraki had held me while I slept, comforting me when I was in the grip of nightmare and I'd had many nightmares. I would wake to find him talking to me, hearing his bells tinkle as he told me that I was safe, he would protect me, and that nothing and no one would be allowed to hurt me. Every time I drifted back to sleep comforted by his words, but still scared.

Opening my eyes I saw that his were closed and I looked up at his face, relaxed in sleep. I felt a gust of sentiment stream through my body as I looked at him. I would not call him handsome, but I loved his face. Gazing at his mouth I tried to slide up his body to kiss him, but he woke immediately at my movement and held me tightly against him. He opened one eye and looked at me, and then smiling a little he opened the other. I was pleased he'd removed the eye patch.

"You're awake. Good. You were hard to sleep with last night," he commented gruffly but his fingers stroked my back as he spoke letting me know he cared for me.

"I'm sorry. I had some bad dreams," I felt I needed to apologise.

'Don't be sorry. If I hadn't been here I don't think you would have slept. I had to hold you; we've been apart for too long and I wanted to feel you against me," he said and closed his eyes.

I slithered up his body and kissed him. It felt good to feel his mouth against mine, his body under me and his penis digging into my hip. I wondered if he'd been hard all night as I hadn't noticed when I woken up. My tongue skimmed over his lips, deepening the kiss until he groaned and pulled his mouth from mine.

"Stop it woman. I've been lying here with a rigid cock all night, needing to fuck you and you kiss me like that. It's callous treatment of your husband," he said, a note of reproof in his voice.

Now I did feel bad. I was wet with longing for him, he was hard and we couldn't do anything about it. I shifted slightly, feeling a slight kink in my back and wanting to stretch.

"Matsumoto, stop moving or I won't be able to control myself. Let's talk about something. I don't want to get out of bed, I want to keep you close but most of all I want to take you home so we can screw," he sighed loudly and I felt a pang of something I didn't immediately recognise.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked. "I have something I want to ask you first. You managed to arrive just in time. How long had you been in Las Noches?"

Zaraki had a grave look on his face. "We were there about 15 hours after you were abducted. It took a while for Retsu to work out an antidote to that drug. We tried to keep a low profile; I only went to rescue you. When we arrived I could feel your reiatsu. It was spiking badly and I followed it, but then it stopped."

"That must have been when Aizen choked me too hard. But Zaraki, you don't feel reiatsu," I was bewildered. Zaraki was known for being hopeless at that type of sensing.

"I can feel yours. I noticed it only when we got there. When your reiatsu disappeared, I thought you were dead, but I didn't want to leave until I knew for sure. I wouldn't listen to anyone, I was too bloody furious and I thought I could feel something, just a trace of you. We got into a few fights, nothing interesting. The next day I felt you again and ran as fast as I could to get to you. It was spiking worse than the day before so I knew that something bad was happening. I suppose it was lucky we were actually in Las Noches and not too far away. I'd got an idea of where you were before the scum tried to strangle you, so I headed in that direction. There were Arrancar guarding the door of the room, but I killed them quickly, they didn't seem much of a challenge, or maybe I was in a killing mood," he kissed my nose.

The story amazed me. We could identify each other's reiatsu. That meant when I thought I felt him in the hallway on the way to Gin's room, it had been him. I wasn't imagining things. "I can feel you too. I thought I could feel it when you arrived."

"Now I've explained, there's something you haven't told me. I don't know what, but it's important. You were mumbling something when you slept about not being able to stop the bleeding and you were afraid. My chest got wet from your tears and you wouldn't wake properly. When I tried to wake you, you hit me and insisted that I would never want to touch you again if I knew the truth but I want to know the truth. I think it has something to do with the traitor."

My thoughts raced. The experience in Las Noches must have triggered the memory that I tried to suppress. Only two people knew this particular secret, one in full and one only partially.

Zaraki held me tightly and commented, "I can't talk about it like this. I'm going to have to get up and get dressed. When your body is pressed against mine and we're talking about this I'm alternately ready to fuck you senseless and guilty at feeling that way." He got out of bed still holding me, but then put me down and dressed me in the loose robe that he had removed the night before.

I recognised the gown; it was the replica of his Captain's coat he had given me. He must have brought it with him to show his claim. I missed the contact with him, but it was not fair to him or me if we continued to lie together. When he finished dressing he picked me up and sat in the chair with me in his lap.

"Damn. I still want to fuck you, but I've got to hold you close. Whatever you do, don't move."

I sat motionless. I didn't want him to put me back in the bed and away from him.

"Now, this truth. I have to know. It has to do with when Aizen raped you, doesn't it?" On the surface it seemed his voice was calm, but I could hear the undercurrents clearly. There was no possibility that he would allow me to keep this secret. It amazed me that he had guessed that I was hiding something from him and what it was about. His arms held me still.

"How did you guess?" I asked. It delayed my answer for a time.

"Do you think I didn't see you on the bed with those two bastards? You were horrified but the horror seemed like something you'd experienced before. I want you to tell me, so I know for certain. When Aizen raped you, where did he rape you?" The man was too smart for my liking.

"In my bedroom." Did I have to tell him? I thought I heard the door opening, but I was too nervous to think about it. I didn't want to discuss this.

"Don't try to put me off with glib answers or I'll tell you what I think happened." Zaraki was relentless.

"You tell me what you think," I was refusing to look at him and tried to get up but he was holding me too tightly. I had been blocking the reality of the rape since it happened. I had been so weak and brainless.

"Anal rape or you were knocked up and lost the baby? It was one or both of those; admit it." His voice was harsh.

"I don't want to answer," I stuttered feeling my shoulders knot with tension. Hearing it said aloud made me feel frozen and queasy.

"I will tell him for you, if you give me permission, Lieutenant. I know you do not want to admit what occurred," a sweet, familiar voice said quietly.

I turned my head and saw Captain Unohana observing us with a concerned look on her face. She was the last person I wanted to be here at this time as she knew part of the secret.

"I locked the door Retsu. How did you get in?" Zaraki barked.

"I have a master key to all the rooms, of course. This is my Division after all and I will not be denied access anywhere. Good morning both of you. I looked in during the night when you were asleep and saw how you were holding your wife. It was a good idea, Zaraki, giving her the reassurance she needed."

Zaraki tightened his grip slightly and I looked at the 4th Division Captain and saw the compassion in her eyes. I nodded in answer to her original question and took a long breath, knowing that this was not going to be easy.

"Your wife experienced both vaginal and anal rape, which caused a large amount of physical injury. She came to see me privately because the bleeding wouldn't stop. She refused to tell me who raped her, saying it was her fault and that no one would believe her. It took me some time to repair the damage; the rape had been vicious and prolonged and her throat was swollen where the man had tried to choke her. I wondered if she would ever want to have intercourse again after that experience. I tried to counsel her, but she refused, saying she deserved it because she had been stupid. She did not become pregnant as a result of the rape," Captain Unohana said as calmly as she could.

Hearing the facts outlined made me scared. I had fought against this memory for so long, burying it deep within my mind, ashamed that even one person knew. I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding and lowered my eyes, not wishing the see Zaraki's face.

"So the bastard raped you both ways did he, beloved and he was going to repeat it with the help of his stooge. I will fucking kill both of those cock suckers." He hadn't raised his voice but I could feel the rage radiating out of him.

"It _**was**_ Aizen who raped you. I thought as much when I saw the situation in Las Noches and noticed the marks on your throat." Captain Unohana said. "I wish you had felt you could trust me enough to inform me when it happened. No one deserves to be raped; I've told you that many times, Lieutenant. I would imagine that Aizen had planned the whole incident and you were the unlucky target."

I nodded, not believing her. It had been my fault and I had to live with it. Then I remembered there was at least one thing that hadn't happened to me as a result of the rape. "Poor Momo," I said, not really thinking.

"Huh? What are you talking about, woman? Momo? What's wrong with her? I know Aizen tried to kill her, but you're saying something else here," Zaraki seemed nonplussed at my thoughtless comment.

After his 'death' I had been instructed to search Aizen's quarters and I was relieved to be given the task because he had taken something the day he raped me as 'insurance' that I wouldn't tell anyone. I located the 'trophy', my torn uniform, stained with his semen and my blood. It was now dust and ashes, I burnt it that night. It could never be used to humiliate me as he had threatened. While searching, I had found the letter addressed to Momo. When I went to give her the letter she had told me the night before he had staged his 'death' Aizen had relieved Momo of her virginity. Not her words, mine. Her words were that they had made love and she was so pleased he had been her first. All the time shedding tears at his death, she had told me, in too much detail, how much she had enjoyed the experience and believed that he loved her. While she talked I kept my expression neutral to hide any emotion.

What sort of friend was I? I had hardly thought of Momo since I returned to the Seireitei. Toshiro had kept me informed of her progress while in the human world and I knew that she was still unaware of her condition even though she was now conscious. It was felt she might have difficulty in accepting this new information, but my Captain was preparing to tell her soon to give her time to decide if she wanted to proceed with the pregnancy. He had asked me to be present to assist with comforting her and we'd discussed the best method, as secretly as we could, while in the human world.

I had thought long and hard before I told Toshiro the identity of the father of Momo's child. My Captain had been shaken and saddened by the news. He loved Momo, idolised the girl, and I knew my telling would hurt him, but he was her friend and needed to know. He'd later told me that the poor child was still deeply in love with Aizen, even after he'd tried to kill her. I felt so sorry for her and I did not think I should tell Zaraki this particular secret; it was not mine to disclose.

Captain Unohana's voice roused me from my thoughts. "We'll talk about this later. Captain Yamamoto is on his way here and from all reports he is very unhappy with all of us. I need to see how the Lieutenant is progressing before I allow him to talk to you."

Please, call me Matsumoto or Ran. You have proven yourself more than a friend to me, Captain and I feel honoured by your thoughtfulness." The words had to be said. This woman had helped me when I needed help and had never appeared to judge me.

"I would be pleased to call you Ran, if you will call me Retsu," the smile lighting her face so that I could not help but smile back.

"Great; should we take a picture so we can remember this tender moment or can you get on with it?" Zaraki's sarcasm was unmistakable. "I imagine you won't want to check her while I hold her?"

"You will have to release your death grip from her and I would prefer her to be laying down in her weakened condition. Once I have finished my scan you can hold her again if you must," Retsu said with a small smile.

"I must."

Zaraki placed me on the bed and Retsu assessed me. "Astonishing! The bruising on the neck is almost gone and most of the other injuries have faded. I wonder if it was that a result of the new treatment. How do you feel Ran?"

I hadn't thought about it until then but I was startled to realised I felt quite well. A little weak from hunger, but that was all. "I feel hungry."

Zaraki snorted with laughter. "You must be better if you're demanding food again. Oh, wait, you wouldn't have eaten for a few days. Quick Retsu, we've got to feed her before she starts chewing the furniture or falls asleep. I know what she's like when she gets hungry, nothing will stop her."

Retsu laughed but addressed me. "Aside from hunger, do you feel well? Think carefully before you answer?"

I thought and then nodded. "I feel fine."

"I'm pleased to hear that, Lieutenant Matsumoto Rangiku. Interesting gown you're wearing, but we'll talk about that later. Captain Zaraki, Captain Unohana, do you wish to have this conversation here, or in my office?" Captain Yamamoto was standing in the doorway, his face set into a frown that boded ill for all of us.

I tried to stand but before I could get to my feet Zaraki retrieved me from the bed and settled me in his lap again. I sighed in relief as I felt his arms embrace me but worried at this decision. I didn't think it was a great idea.

The Captain-General raised an eyebrow. "Must you….?"

"Yeah, I must. If you want to make something of it, go ahead. I don't give a shit if you want me to stand. I have to hold her as close as possible and no one will stop me."

I looked at Zaraki, my mouth open. Gin had said they'd driven him mad, but I knew he was wrong. Zaraki was not mad, he was experiencing love for the first time and I now knew how hard it was to cope with. I wanted to kiss him, but controlled the impulse. "I think I should sit on the bed," I hissed at him.

"No. Shut up and don't interrupt. I think the old man means business," he said quietly.

I opened my mouth to protest, but he shook his head warningly. I looked at the Captain-General and decided that it would be best to hold my tongue for the moment. Both men looked as if they would welcome the chance to fight.

"You have put the whole plan in danger by your rash actions, Captain Zaraki. You left before the bridge was stable, you took people not supposed to enter Las Noches, and you involved another Captain, just to retrieve your wife. This has removed the element of surprise which I'd hoped might just make a difference. What if people had died? She's only one Shinigami and you risked so many to get one person. It's a waste of resources."

"She's my wife," Zaraki thundered, holding me close. "I didn't marry her just because it seemed like a good idea and I won't let her be the prey of unscrupulous bastards like Aizen and Ichimaru. No one will take her from me again and live. Get it published in the newsletter if you want. She was my main concern when she was taken and I won't apologise."

I was worried. Where was Zaraki going with this, insulting the Captain-General? Before I could say anything Captain Yamamoto was speaking forcefully.

"She means more than your responsibilities as Captain? More than that? Get some perspective, man. She's just a woman." Yamamoto ignored my gasp of surprise at his words.

"Ichimaru and Aizen want her. They went to considerable trouble to take her. Does that give you an idea of her importance? Forget it, I don't want to explain. Kiss me, Matsumoto," the last instruction scared me. I'd kissed him once before in front of the old man, but this was under different circumstances.

Still, the request was too tempting. I lifted my face to his and moved to kiss his chin but he moved his head and I felt his lips procure mine as he kissed me with considerable passion. It was very difficult to try and manage my natural reaction to his kiss but I fought my desires and wondered why he was acting like this in front of the Captain-General; it seemed like he was challenging him. Even when I was kissing Zaraki, I could not block out the comments being made.

"Captain Zaraki, I find your attitude insufferable. Captain Unohana, I thought you would restrain his behaviour. I'm very disappointed." The Captain-General did not sound happy. His voice was peeved.

"I cannot moderate his behaviour. Only his wife can do that now and I don't think she wishes to. Sir, do you wish us to travel to Hueco Mundo today? I believe we are nearly ready, except for the Captain. I confidently predict he won't be ready today."

Zaraki finally drew his mouth from mine. "Not today. I need today and tonight; then you can tell me what you need me to do. If you try to send me away now, it would be pointless because I won't go, I wouldn't be able to concentrate. I didn't finish my honeymoon and I need to be alone with my wife, now."

He may as well have announced that he wanted to have sex with me immediately. I felt the same.

"Captain Zaraki. I will begin disciplinary measures against you if you do not cooperate. Do you wish to be removed from the rank of Captain? Your behaviour today is unforgivable and totally out of character." Leaning close his piercing eyes bored into Zaraki's who just grinned at him in response.

"Don't be stupid, Sir. You won't remove me. I always do what you want, eventually. Give me the rest of this day and night and I will obey. Now, can we leave? This is a futile exchange of words."

"Insubordination is my least favourite conduct. Don't you understand the gravity of the situation?" Captain Yamamoto was beginning to get a little red in the face. I began to feel even more worried.

"Yeah, we're under threat and you want me to go to Las Noches and help out the idiot humans. You want the three traitors returned for trial, the Hyogyoku reclaimed, the Arrancar and Espada defeated and the threat to the human world removed. I'll go, tomorrow. Old man, if I can't recapture them, can I kill them and bring back the bodies? I know I promised not to kill them when you asked me to go on this mission but Aizen's pretty cunning and the only reason I managed to catch him last time was because he was intent on raping my wife again and Ichimaru was helping. They both seemed preoccupied and weren't paying attention."

"Shut up, Zaraki! Do you have to tell everyone? I don't want people to know; I don't want pity. I want to forget it happened," I astonished everyone in the room, myself included, by yelling at him. I tried to hit him but he grabbed my hands and held me tightly. If people knew about the rape they would treat me differently. I felt tears forming in my eyes when I realised that when people heard about my rescue, they would also hear what was happening at the time.

"Woman, it's the truth and you can't ignore it. Pretending won't make it go away. We're keeping a lot of things quiet, but this is too important. The old man has to know," Zaraki told me sternly. "And don't start crying, you've cried too much recently. Let's get this over with so we can go home."

I looked at him, shocked. I had been about to cry but his words struck me. If I accepted what had happened maybe I could get past it, Retsu had told me that but I hadn't wanted to listen to her. My temper left me as suddenly as it had come and I rested my head tiredly on his shoulder. He kissed me on the cheek and briefly rested his head against mine. I still hated it when he ordered me around but I wanted this comfort.

Captain Yamamoto sat down resignedly on the other chair in the room. "Why was none of this mentioned in your report Captain Unohana, Captain Zaraki? You both omitted how you managed to overcome the two traitors so easily and how they managed to escape. I was rather curious about the brevity of both of the reports on the unsanctioned mission and even more startled that you submitted them. The fact that you did present them is the only reason you are not confined to the cells at the moment. I want a full explanation."

Fortunately Retsu outlined everything in her calm and reasoned way, hesitantly including the tale of the earlier rape. Her telling hurt me. As she spoke I finally heard how the events appeared from another perspective, making me appear brave and strong instead of a pathetic idiot. I didn't believe her version.

"I see," Captain Yamamoto said after she finished. "Another fact you omitted was the near death of the Lieutenant. Did you expect I wouldn't hear the rumours? I was informed she was dead at one time. Why did you exclude that detail?"

Retsu coloured. "I used an experimental drug to keep her alive. I knew you wouldn't give me permission, if I asked, and nothing I did was working." Her words were quiet and I saw her hands were clenched, the nails digging into her palms.

"Captain Unohana only used the drug because I forced her to administer it. I won't apologise because it worked." Zaraki glared defiantly at Captain Yamamoto.

The silence lay heavily in the room.

"I am disappointed with all of you. Lieutenant, you should have told me about Aizen. I could have taken proceedings against him. Don't shake your head at me; I would have investigated the matter thoroughly. Captain Unohana you used an untested drug without permission, went on a mission without authorisation and failed to complete your paperwork properly. I do not care if threats were made, that was improper. Captain Zaraki, I won't list the things you've done that are wrong, it would take too long. Just out of curiosity, did you obtain the gown for your wife?"

Zaraki nodded.

"Do not wear it in public after today, Lieutenant," the Captain-General sighed heavily. "You will remain here and assist Captain Hitsugaya, Lieutenant Rangiku, while your husband is gone. You will continue to live in his house, guarded by 11th Division," he smiled slightly. "If I tried to make you live elsewhere I think he would refuse to depart." He looked at the two Captains sternly. "It is too late to commence the mission today but I expect you to leave early tomorrow. When you return, I will speak to both of you again regarding your conduct. You may be disciplined or even court martialled for your actions, but that is not for me to decide. Do not defy me again. I would prefer if the traitors were returned alive, or at least one of them. Justice must be seen to be done."

Both Zaraki and Retsu nodded as Captain Yamamoto rose to his feet. "At least you two work together. Lieutenant, I need you to talk to your Captain. There's something worrying him aside from your abduction. Uncover the reason and deal with it. I know you can elicit information from him no one else can," he walked firmly to the door and stopped. "Off the record, I'm pleased you retrieved your wife, Captain. You need her, I can see that, and it would have been a tragedy if she had died." He left the room without turning around.

"What the hell?" Zaraki started laughing, clutching me to him. "That sly bastard. He told me about the bridge, even showed me where it was, so I got the idea of using it to save Matsumoto, then he threatens us both and later infers we did the right thing. Retsu, can I take Matsumoto home?"

I smiled uncertainly at his observations but his request made me feel hopeful. "Can we, please, Retsu? I promise to follow any instructions you give me if I can be with Zaraki."

Captain Unohana was chuckling a little. "Only if you eat before you do anything else, or would you like to eat here?"

"Eat here," I said quickly before Zaraki could say anything. My stomach was making some strange noises and if Zaraki acted as normal, I would have little chance to eat once we arrived at his place.

Retsu went out of the room for a few minutes, to request the food, I imagined. While she was gone Zaraki slipped his hand inside the gown and cradled a breast while growling in my ear, "When we get home, you will do whatever I say. You will not get any sleep and you will come, screaming my name, over and over again until you are lying there unable to move, dripping with my cum but begging for more. Then I'll lick you until you totally lose control and mindlessly scream in pleasure until you can't come anymore. That is what will happen tonight."

It seemed so long since he'd touched me with desire. I shifted until I was sitting astride him, enjoying the evidence of his longing, pressing against his erection, not caring where we were. Holding my body close to his I said, "Good."

He removed his hand from my breast and undid my robe. "I knew this thing was a good idea,' he said as his mouth descended to my breast. As his lips touched me I moaned; his mouth felt so different from Gin's and the way he sucked my breasts made me wish we'd gone home. I knew Retsu could return at any moment but it didn't seem important. As he sucked me I felt my head fall back from the excitement he was causing me. "You're offering yourself to me again. I wonder if we'll make it into the bedroom." The sound of the door opening disturbed us and Zaraki quickly tied up my robe and moved me into a more respectable position.

"I would suggest the bedroom. She may have recovered but I think she may be a little weak for anything else, and don't forget the oil this time," Captain Unohana stated. I wondered how much she had heard and seen.

"How much did you hear?" Zaraki asked.

"Just the last part. The food will be here shortly. I mean it's here now," Retsu said as some tables were brought in and food arranged temptingly. Any food would have tempted me at that time. "I recommend you sit on the bed Ran," she suggested firmly.

I did as she advised, blushing slightly, and then grabbed the closest dish and began to inhale the food. Not literally, but I ate very fast, only realising when I was halfway through the plate that I was eating something flavoured with chilli. I grabbed a pitcher of water and drank it dry to try to ease the fire in my throat. I like chilli, but this was particularly fiery.

Retsu looked at me with concern in her eyes. "Is there a problem Lieutenant?" Then she glanced at the dish. "I forgot that the cook likes to flavour that dish with lots of chilli. He says it's an aphrodisiac, but I'm yet to be convinced that it is. Perhaps you would prefer some of this rice and miso soup?" She handed me both and I accepted them gratefully.

Could I never get away from aphrodisiacs? I didn't need them, not now. Being near Zaraki was a continual aphrodisiac. I ate the rice which cooled my mouth and sipped the soup while nibbling small portions of the rest of the food. I blushed when I saw some strawberries in syrup and a honey cake with a container of honey. Zaraki noticed the direction of my gaze and he winked at me as he licked his lips.

"Um, Retsu, the food is great, but can we take dessert with us?" At least Zaraki was direct and I had a very good idea what he planned.

She raised an eyebrow at both of us. "I don't want to know, do I? I'll arrange for some to be packaged for you. Are you leaving right now?"

Zaraki looked at me and I nodded. I had eaten quite a lot and did not feel famished anymore. If he had to leave tomorrow I wanted as much time alone with him as possible.

The return home was swift; Zaraki carried me, running all the way, impatient with any person who tried to stop him and talk. I knew how he felt; we could talk to people later.

Arriving at his house I saw a sign on the door with just the words, "Do not disturb for any reason." It was written in curly pink and black writing with little hearts and crossed swords all over it.

"That's new," I said.

"Yeah. Yachiru did it while she was recovering. She insisted I put it on the door. I think she feels a bit guilty for the interruptions she caused." Kicking open the door, he carried me swiftly to the bedroom. He put me on the bed and left the room. I put the desserts on the table and removed my robe. For a few seconds I wondered what Zaraki was doing, but heard him turn the key in the lock.

"I know you don't like the bells, but I don't have time to take them off," he said returning his shirt in his hand. A few seconds later he was naked and he joined me on the bed, the oil bottle in his hand. I coated his penis liberally and he aroused me as he ran his fingers over my clitoris. I wanted no other foreplay.

"I don't want to wait," I said, reclining on the bed, parting my legs. He nodded and quickly slid between them, preparing to enter me.

As he tried to push into me, I felt something was wrong. Despite the oil, despite my arousal he couldn't get in. Every time he pushed, I flinched because it hurt and he stopped, looking at me in bemusement. I begged him to try again but it didn't work. I didn't cry this time, but began to feel frantic. The tinkling of the bells did not help.

"What the hell is going on Matsumoto? This is worse than the first time we fucked. You're even tighter now," Zaraki complained moving onto his side.

I nodded at the truth of his words. What had happened? Aside from the pain last time we'd had sex, everything had been normal. Then I'd been abducted and Orihime had healed me; healed everything that was wrong with me. Everything. "I think I know," I said, sitting up, the crazy possibility working through my mind. "Orihime healed me when Gin took me to Las Noches. She healed everything and because of the trouble we had during sex, she healed that. I think she accidentally made me a virgin again."

Shaking his head, the bells tinkling loudly, Zaraki seemed to reject my suggestion. "No, that can't be right. Not a virgin. I've never fucked a virgin and I'm not about to start now. I'm too big for them and I never saw the attraction. You're the closest to a virgin I've had and that's only because you were so hard to enter but it was worth it. I don't take virgins, even willing ones."

I was shocked. He wouldn't have sex with me because I was a physical virgin? That couldn't be right, he must be teasing me again, but he crossed his arms and was looking immovable even though his erection gave the lie to his assertion. "Zaraki, you have to. I'm your wife and I'm only a physical virgin, not a mental one. If you don't do this, no one else will, I won't accept a lover. You want to have sex with me, don't you? You're leaving tomorrow for I don't know how long. When you come back from this mission you will want to screw me immediately and I'll still be a virgin. You'll be even more impatient." I kissed him, sucking his tongue, and ran my hands over his body, touching him the way I knew he liked.

"Or course I want fuck you. It's all I've been thinking about. Damn it, why can't it be simple? When I come back you better be laying in this bed, oiled and ready because I'll probably be deep inside you before I say hello. If I didn't want you so much I wouldn't do this," he said gruffly.

"I don't want to be a virgin again. I didn't enjoy losing it the last time," I sighed and kissed him again as my hand encircled his erection. I wanted to touch him and I recalled he'd told me he'd been hard all night. I began to inch my hand along the shaft, feeling the skin move under my hand. In the time we had been together I had never brought him to orgasm manually, it had either been sucking or screwing that made him come, but this was the time to change that. I liked the feel of the stiff shaft in my hands the many times I had touched it, feeling the skin, so different to the skin on the rest of his body around the hard muscle beneath.

"Keep doing that. Maybe I should marry you again, so you could be a virgin bride." I looked at his face and he was smiling at me awkwardly. "Nope, you're still technically a bride; my wanton virgin bride. Looks like I'll have to do what I did in the bathhouse. Lots of oil, lots of preparation." He oiled his fingers again as I lay down and slowly he inserted one into me. I sensed my vagina stretching around him and it hurt a little but that didn't matter because it felt so good as he began to thrust the finger into me. Surprising myself, I moaned as he did so, immensely turned on by his finger stretching me. "I still find it hard to believe you're only like this with me," Zaraki stated, breathing heavily, as I pushed down on his finger, wanting more, but prepared to let him take his time.

At the same time I continued to grasp his penis, moving my hand in the same rhythm he was using with his finger. It was not easy to concentrate, but the oil on the shaft made the movement easy. I made certain I only touched the length, avoiding the head for the time.

I pulled his head down and kissed him, not wishing for him to talk. As our tongues played with each other, he inserted a second finger into me. I stiffened a little as the extra finger stretched me even further, but he stopped moving them, allowing me to adjust slightly. A few seconds later his thumb was nudging my clitoris as his fingers mimicked the action of his penis.

"Oh, God, Zaraki. I wish you'd been my first, the first time," I sighed taking my mouth from his. "I didn't feel this excited that time." My palm was moving faster along the shaft and slid on the head of his penis causing him to gasp.

"Didn't you?" His fingers moved faster and I realised he was going to make me come before he took me. I increased the pace of my hand on him. I wanted him to come as well. His penis seemed to swell and I swiftly caressed his sac, feeling it tight against his groin. "I wish I'd been your first that time too. Touch the head, woman, it's more sensitive. Yeah, like that."

I followed his instructions; cupping my hand over the head of his penis and then sliding back to grip its length, then moving my hand up the whole shaft including the head. His mouth was on my neck as he continued to stretch me by adding a third digit. This time it did hurt but he kept stroking my centre making me ignore the pain and I wanted the sensation to continue. He increased the speed and was driving his fingers into me nearly as fast as when he was using his penis. I pressed onto them, wishing it was his erection, but knowing that should happen shortly, but not soon enough.

The intensity was building up and he started suck my neck as I thrashed under the fingers that were driving me so close. His thumb nudged me one final time and I came twitching violently at the same time as he yelled, his semen spurting over my hand and stomach.

* * *

A.N. 

Nothing to say.

Review and I might update. I'm thinking about the next chapter.


	17. The Virgin

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Virgin**

"You're a hot virgin, aren't you, wife. Giving me a hand job while I get you ready for sex," he said kissing me soundly. He left the bed for a moment and retrieved some cloth to wipe up. "That should be inside you, but I think it's just as well you did that. I'm going to need to be able to maintain my discipline for the next part."

"You enjoyed it," I said watching him, wanting to be held by him again. I had been away from him for too long and he was leaving the next day. Would we ever manage to spend time together without interruption?

Lying down again, he held me close, kissing my cheeks, my chin and neck. His tongue again circled my ear and I shivered at the unexpected caress, but this time found I enjoyed it. We kissed; a long ardent kiss that made me firm my resolve to go through with this, no matter what, even if Zaraki felt worried, but feeling his penis stir into life against me, I assumed it would not be too difficult to persuade him.

"I'm pleased that 4th Division washed the traitor's touch from you. I watched, making sure that when Isane removed the blood and marks she didn't hurt you. No one would let me frigging touch you and that really riled me, I wanted to wash you. I don't want to see other people's hands on your body, or you covered with so many injuries," Zaraki's lips were near my ear as he spoke.

"I wondered who had done that and why the blood had been removed," I turned to look at him, my hand instinctively moving to his chest and stroking his muscles. He smiled at me in a strange manner as his eyes roved over my body, so different to the way Aizen had looked at me while pretending to be my husband.

"I've never tasted a virgin. I wonder what they taste like and this will be the last chance I have to find out," he said almost to himself.

"Why would I taste any different? I'm still the same person." I had a pleasant suspicion what Zaraki might be planning and I knew he was just making an excuse.

"Because you're pure, you must taste different. Your mouth seems the same, but I'll try it again to make sure," he said and kissed me again, his tongue exploring my mouth, touching the places that excited me the most. "Mmmm," he rumbled reflectively, "now the neck," as his tongue began to caress my neck licking languorously slowly around the places that he knew pleased me. I shivered with delight and felt my nipples become hard as his touch excited me. I tried to stroke him, but he pinned me down with one hand, the other fondling me. "No, you lie there and let me taste you. I'm just exploring your innocence and you will stay still. Virgins are meant to be shy and scared, not wanton and urgent. Learn your place."

I laughed at his semi-serious tone. "Yes, Captain. Thank you for reminding me. Oh, please, don't touch me like that. At least turn out the light, I'm embarrassed and it is my first time." I spoke in a sickeningly sweet voice and pretended to cringe away from him.

"Beloved, you're being annoying. Stop it." Now his head had moved down and his mouth hovered above my breast. "Virgin nipples," he mused and then took one into his mouth. I grabbed his head, disregarding the bells and everything else, wanting him to keep concentrating on my breasts, wanting him to travel further south. "Nice," he mumbled, "but not very different." He sampled the other one, sucking on it strongly as I groaned loudly.

His head moved down further and he was kissing my stomach. "I remember the first time I did this to you and you went completely out of your mind and begged me, no wait you couldn't beg. All you could do was moan like you're moaning now. I didn't know virgins moaned like that. You're making me change my opinion." Licking my navel seemed to interest him as he thrust his tongue into it a few times, making me squirm in a mixture of pleasure and impatience. He moved further down the bed and using the cloth, wiped away the oil, "I want to taste you, not the oil. Grasping my legs under the thighs, he pushed them up, exposing me to him completely. "I wonder if you will like my tongue as much here."

Without any further warning he thrust his tongue inside me and I shrieked, jerking against him. It felt very good and I did like his tongue, more than before. "You like that do you? I thought you did and it hasn't changed," he said and did it again and then licked my clit a few time. "A virgin tastes pretty much the same," he commented before he thrust his tongue into me again, causing me to shudder. "You, wife, always taste good to me."

His abrupt removal of his tongue and his comments made me open my eyes, or at least half open them. I was feeling incredibly lecherous and wanted to fuck as I looked at him lying beside me. "You're enjoying this," I accused him, suddenly realising the truth.

"Of course I am. A beautiful virgin is throwing herself at me, begging me to fuck her." He thought I was beautiful? "Not that I want a virgin, but having one eager for me, sort of excites me," he softly stroked my breasts, tenderness evident in his face and hands. "We don't have to do this now. Instead we could pleasure each other in different ways. I could eat you again, you were really enjoying that, and you could suck me." Even as he suggested it I could tell he hoped I would reject his idea.

His offer made me hesitate, for a second or two. It appeared like a good idea but it would be delaying everything. If I backed down now I might find excuses to escape a momentary pain when I knew I could obtain so much enjoyment afterward. My recent experiences with pain had made me reluctant to go through any further hurt, but I put aside my cowardice. My arousal encouraged me to persuade him, as soon as possible, to take my virginity. "As good as that sounds, Zaraki, I already explained why we have to do this. Do you want me to suck you when you come home or actually have sex with you?"

"You know the answer to that." As he kissed me, I felt a slight hesitation as if he were nervous about this strange situation. I could taste my juices in his mouth and that excited me further. His hand was again between my thighs, stroking me, making me want him more and my hand strayed to his erection, feeling it large and rigid against the palm of my hand. "Should we do this slow or fast?"

"Fast," I instructed. "Slow is just more painful, I think," I wasn't sure. The first time had been slow and I had been so nervous that I hadn't enjoyed it. I remember talking to Toshiro about it one night, when I'd drunk too much, and advised him fast was better than slow. My affair with Renji had finished by that time and I was feeling lonely and in the mood to tease my Captain. I liked to watch the way he frowned and then went pink whenever I mentioned sex. He kept trying to cover his ears and that made me more determined to tell him.

"Fast; that's what I'd hoped you'd say," Zaraki said coating his penis with more oil and then oiling me again. He eased the head of his penis inside me where it now could fit after the stretching, and I encircled his thighs with my legs.

"Don't stop, even if I beg you," I said knowing that I might. I wanted this over with so I wouldn't have to think of it again and he had excited me so much that I had to have him inside me as soon as possible.

"What? I'm supposed to screw you even if I hurt you?" Zaraki didn't seem enthusiastic about the idea. "I told you, I only want to hear you moaning or screaming in pleasure."

"It's the only way." I was feeling increasingly anxious but incredibly turned on.

Zaraki kissed me the way that drove me wild, until I was ready to push him onto his back and force the issue. I pressed myself against him, trying to indicate how much I wanted him. Taking this as consent he thrust into me hard while still kissing me; I felt my hymen tear and my vagina stretch from his penetration. I liked the feeling of the stretching, but the pain from the loss was sharp and although I tried not to, I struggled against him, fighting against the sting, trying to avoid the incursion at the same time, wanting him. He stopped mid thrust and withdrew. "I can't do this. You're whimpering and it reminds me of when you were nearly dying."

I swallowed, angry that I couldn't handle this better. I should have lain there immobile but he was so huge. "The worst of it should be over," I tried to assure him.

He looked at me, his eyes straying to my breasts and further down. "I made you bleed," there was a tone of wonder in his voice as he wiped the blood from between my legs with the cloth. "I told you I didn't want to hurt you."

"That's normal. You were less worried the first time we fucked," why was he being such an idiot? He'd been telling the truth, he obviously had never been with a virgin.

"I didn't love you then, woman. I didn't know about the rape, I didn't know anything about you," Zaraki's flash of temper surprised and touched me.

I sat up and put my arms around him. "Please, let's have sex. You're leaving tomorrow and I need you. I don't know how long you'll be gone." Pulling him down with me, I reclined on the bed holding myself close to him, draping a leg over his thigh to bring his penis in close proximity to me as I nudged close to him.

"Okay, but if you cringe just once, I'm stopping. More oil; that might help."

The way he applied the oil this time, made me gasp. He pushed his fingers into me, trying to stretch me further. "Stop it Zaraki. Next time I come, I want you inside me."

He nodded and located himself between my spread thighs, continuing to stroke me as he did so, making me desire him. This time he pushed into me slowly, watching me carefully for any sign of pain and I kept my face as serene as I could. It didn't hurt much at all as he penetrated me and he managed to ease himself halfway inside. "At last," he grunted. "Almost like our first fuck except you're tighter, wetter and hotter. I never want a virgin again. I only want you,' he kissed me as he began to thrust into me in the rhythm I liked so much but gentler as if he was trying to hold back.

"I never want to be a virgin again," I gasped, "or if you want me to I'll be anything you request." I felt each thrust penetrate me further and I was moaning continually as I met each plunge, writhing with pleasure under him.

"Anything? I want you out of control, my ex-virgin," his lips moved to my neck as he sped up the rhythm and began to take me more forcefully. His request came at a suitable time because I was lost to everything but the feelings he was making me experience.

"You too," I demanded urgently, as he grasped my hips, pulling me tighter against him. His penis was continuing to stretch me, making me able to accommodate more of him with each thrust. He was staring down at me watching my eyes, his own glowing with such a flash of lust that I felt my body heat just from his gaze.

Bending his head, I expected him to kiss me on the mouth, but he ran a line of kisses down between my breasts, pausing in his strokes and then he slowly drew his tongue over a nipple. Arching against him, wanting to feel his lips engulf my nipple, I tried to wonder what he was doing but it was difficult to do anything except feel my need increase. Instead of sucking my breasts he started to push into me again, slowly and forcefully.

I was feeling so excited. His penis now seemed to fit me and I was hungrily pushing against his thrusts. He filled me so completely and knew how to make me respond to him. Without warning I convulsed underneath him, coming hard and screaming his name. At the same time he yelled my name and his body shuddered above me.

"I wish you didn't have to go," I said quietly, a short while later. I was now sheltered inside his arms and his eyes were shut. Looking at him closely I thought he looked tired.

"No choice. You heard the old man; I should've gone today. I'm pleased I didn't, I haven't slept properly for days. You stay here, Beloved, don't try to follow me. Aizen and Gin want you for more than sex. They wouldn't have abducted you just to screw you and annoy me and your Captain. Be careful. Make sure Ikkaku or Yumichika or your Captain are with you at all times. If they're not available, visit one of the other Captains, or stay with the old man. Use your skills to keep safe," his tone was serious and it was impressed on me that he meant what he said as he hugged me closer. "Wait for me. I will come back to you. Wish I wasn't so goddamned tired. I want to screw you all night but since you were taken there hasn't been much time for sleep. The drugs put me to sleep, but I woke up feeling like crap. Couldn't sleep in that Arrancar stronghold. Too dangerous. Don't allow anyone to take you away again. Understand?"

"You're very serious, Zaraki. I'll be okay. You've got to promise me you will be careful and not take any unnecessary risks. Why am I bothering to say that? You'll do what you want, I know that. I'll wait for you, what choice do I have? Hurry back. Defeat those scum and come back to me," I moved closer and kissed his mouth hungrily. "Do you want dessert?" I whispered as seductively as I could.

"I think we both need a wash. I don't want the taste of blood in my mouth when I eat my dessert." He opened his eyes and looked between my thighs. "I never want to see you bleed again."

"But it's normal," I began to say.

"I want you pregnant with my child. I want you continually pregnant so no man can ever claim you from me," He picked me up from the bed and carried me into the bathroom, placing me on my feet as he turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature.

"I don't want to be pregnant all the time. I'm not even sure about once," I protested until he kissed me, a kiss full of possession and need, making me change my mind again. "Okay, once, maybe. We'll see. I've just lost my virginity and you want to impregnate me?" We were in the shower now and he was washing me, or at least using a bar of soap on me, removing any traces of blood.

"I've heard women, who are in that condition, are even randier. You'd be begging me all the time." He dropped the soap and turned off the shower and then pinned me against the wall. Moving close he pushed his body against mine, his erection sliding between my thighs. "I'd have you now if I could. No, I will have you now." Dripping with water as we were, he carried me to the bed and oiled me quickly.

"We'll ruin the sheets, Zaraki. We could dry ourselves first," I didn't even know why I mentioned it. What did sheets matter?

"Sometimes I wonder how your mind works. These sheets are ruined anyway. Blood, oil and cum all over them. I think I'll keep them as proof you were a virgin bride." He thrust into me as he spoke, pushing his hard penis in as I gasped in mindless pleasure. It hurt a little, but this time I was going to ignore it. I needed him inside me.

"What about dessert?" I managed to ask fighting my urge to groan and beg.

"Later. Much, much later. I'm still on the main course. Why do I want to fuck you every time I look at you? I want to bury my cock inside you and keep pumping into you." He stopped moving and looked down at me. "Last night's been the only night I've slept with you without fucking you and I barely slept. Wife, more sex; much more sex. You owe me. You owe me your body and constant sex."

"Anything. I will give you everything. Just keep moving. You stopped and it's not fair. You kept the bells in and I told you I don't want to make love with you when you wear them," I unconsciously used a term I had only used once before.

The next thing I knew, Zaraki was kissing me passionately as he began to pump his penis into me fast and hard. The bells tinkled loudly and I tried to shut out their noise as I concentrated on him, returning his kiss, touching his tongue with mine. I couldn't prevent a wriggle as his tongue stroked that area. Even through the kiss I moaned into his mouth, unable to stop the utterance. He persisted in kissing me, knowing the effect he was having on me but this time he did not still. I moved my tongue slightly in his mouth and suddenly he tensed against me, stopping suddenly. I opened my eyes and saw him staring at me with astonishment visible on his face. Freeing my lips from his I asked, "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" I was concerned, but I could not see how a kiss could hurt him.

"So, that's what it's like Beloved? Now I understand. Kiss me, again, now." His eyes glittered and I gladly obeyed his instruction. He began to fuck me with renewed passion and I felt myself coming as his tongue grazed the sensitive place in my mouth. I wanted to scream but our mouths were locked together and we came at the same time.

Zaraki supported himself on his hands and looked down at me, his penis still inside me. "I want to stay surrounded by you, but I can't, not yet." As he slowly withdrew I heard him exclaim. "Why did you bleed again? Why didn't you tell me it hurt you? Blast it, Matsumoto. Don't you ever listen to me?"

I looked down and saw fresh blood seeping between my thighs. I was shocked at the sight, it hadn't hurt that much. Zaraki took me into the shower and washed me again quickly then retrieved the balm that Retsu had given us and applied it to me, after wiping me dry. "Virgins are hard work. No more sex for us tonight. I told you I didn't want to see you bleed again."

"But it didn't hurt that much, Zaraki. It didn't. It didn't happen last time…" I shut up as he glared at me.

"Yeah, but when you screwed Ichimaru for the first time, did you fuck again later the same day?"

I quailed under his stern glare and thought back. Involuntarily I shook my head. "No."

He left the room. Scared at the anticipated anger, I began to dress, fearful of another fight. I didn't want to fight him when I was naked this time. Standing, unsure what to do, I fidgeted. An argument was the last thing I wanted; he was leaving tomorrow and I wanted to spend the night with him, even if it meant just sleeping.

I heard his footsteps returning to the room. He was carrying two small boxes one of which he handed to me. I opened it curiously to see a slim, plain gold band displayed within.

"Give it to me woman, now you know what it is," he took the ring out of the box and placed it on my left hand. It fitted perfectly. "You can never take it off. It's a special ring that can only be removed by the person who places it on your finger."

I looked from the ring to Zaraki. "What? When did you.."

"I ordered it when I brought you back from Las Noches. Even if you had died, you were going to wear the ring. Here's mine. You put it on my finger," handing me the other box he held out his left hand. On opening the box I saw it was an identical ring to the one I was now wearing, only larger, sized to fit his finger. I slipped it over his knuckle and heard him grunt in satisfaction. "Now watch," he said as he tugged at the ring. It didn't move. "Now, you, try."

I tried to remove my ring, but it was as if it had become part of my hand. Zaraki held out his hand and I pulled on the ring which moved easily under my fingers. I did not take it off, but slid it back where I had originally placed it.

"See? I meant to give you this tomorrow, but we can't fuck again tonight, so I thought I'd give it to you now."

I flung my arms around him, hugging him tightly. I'd thought he was angry with me, and maybe he was, a little, but this gesture touched me deeply. He wanted it obvious and irrevocable that we were married.

"Thank you. Thank you darling Zaraki. I'm sorry about being a virgin and everything." As I spoke something clicked in my head, something Gin had said to me when he held me prisoner is Hueco Mundo. He'd said I'd find out that size didn't matter and it was like Zaraki had never been my lover. The bastard knew I'd been made a virgin again! He'd encouraged Aizen to use lube and I remembered the slick feel of his penis as he'd pushed it between my legs. I sank down onto the bed, shocked at the realisation. There had to be a reason.

"Beloved," Zaraki was kneeling in front of me, gazing at me with concern. "What the fuck is up?"

"Why did he want me to be a virgin again, Zaraki? It doesn't make any sense," the realisation brought the memory of being trapped between Aizen and Gin back into clear focus and I began to shake again. I was icy cold and there was no escape from the events replaying in my mind.

Zaraki stripped me of my uniform and laying down held me close to him as I wept, his skin touching mine, soothing some of the pain. "What are you talking about?"

"Gin knew I was a virgin." My skin was warming from the contact with Zaraki.

"Huh? That's weird. I'd heard Aizen had a thing about virgins, but only after the creep skulked away. Maybe that was it. You're not a virgin anymore, woman. Stop worrying." He cradled me closely, kissing me gently on the mouth as my shudders gradually faded.

I knew there was something more, but I didn't wish to explore the idea just then.

Once I was calm, he pulled me into the position I was now expecting. His arm tightly around me and my head resting on his chest. Since I had begun to sleep with him, I had rarely slept with a pillow under my head. He seemed to desire that closeness and I wanted it also. I expected him to speak but he was quiet and I looked at him. It was obvious he was asleep and I didn't want to wake him. From our conversations I worked out that he had little sleep since I had been abducted. The effects of the drug had made him sleep, but the drugged sleep had not rested anyone. After he followed me to Hueco Mundo no one had slept due to being on the alert at all times. He'd been too angry and upset when he returned to rest and last night he'd only slept fitfully, waking to comfort me.

I knew he'd be unhappy that he hadn't screwed all night, but I knew I would have been unable. It would have hurt soon, no matter how much oil we'd used. I'd make it up to him when he returned.

I stirred, partially awake, held in Gin's embrace. I didn't want to open my eyes, scared I was still dreaming. It had been so long since Gin had held me while we slept. He preferred to leave my bed once he'd been satisfied and I would stay awake, missing him, longing for the times he slept with me, occasionally embracing me. I stayed still, luxuriating, feeling if not loved, at least liked. I had not told him how I felt; scared of his reaction because I knew he would never tell me he loved me. Maybe he had changed his mind and we could finally be truthful with each other. He was breathing steadily and I decided he must still be asleep. I smoothed my face against his skin as I continued to wake slowly. It didn't feel like Gin, the flesh was too warm, the height seemed wrong and the scent was both familiar and unfamiliar. It had to be Gin; there was no other person I had seriously thought about. Occasionally I had admired one of the Captains but that was a secret that I would not acknowledge. Peeking through my lashes I found I was peeping at Captain Kenpachi Zaraki, my secret admiration. One arm held me to his side, while the other hand was cupping a breast. I had my arm stretched over his chest.

How drunk had I been last night? I couldn't remember talking to this Captain, only sometimes watching from a distance, and now I was in bed with him. Oh, this was just great. Gin wouldn't understand; I didn't understand how it had happened. I didn't feel like I had a hangover. Maybe nothing had happened. I grasped the fact that I was naked and so was he. Had we fucked? The feeling in the lower half of my body indicated we had, I was sore but satisfied; well I actually wanted more. I wanted more? That stuck me as unusual. I looked at his body. There was a livid mark around his neck, normally hidden by a band of cloth. I wondered about that. His shoulders were broad and powerfully built and his chest more heavily muscled than Gin's. My eyes moved down, noting the absence of hair on his chest, down to his flat washboard like stomach. This man took his physical condition seriously and I appreciated that. Glancing down further, I drank in the sight of his thighs and hips. The man's body, while marred with scars was making me feel damp, and then I saw his penis. Semi hard, even though it was, I was impressed and slightly nervous. His penis, surrounded by dark springy hair, was huge. How had we managed to have sex? I saw a crumpled piece of fabric that was stained with blood and oil. Who had bled? Moving slightly I felt a twinge between my thighs. It reminded me of how I had felt after I lost my virginity to Gin.

I'd really done it this time. The Captain of the 11th Division was not known for his discretion and I was positive that news of our night together would spread quickly. I moved, trying to escape from the unwanted (?) embrace, fearing to stay any longer but I was strangely drawn to the man who held me so tightly. What was I going to do? How could I explain this?

* * *

A.N.

There are not always easy solutions to problems. The earlier resolution to Matsumoto's memory loss was never meant to be permanent. :p

Ta for those people who actually took the time to review.

Busy pretending to be human. The next update will be when I can make time.

Review.


	18. The Departure

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine_

**The Departure**

The Captain's hold on me tightened as I moved, trying, not very hard, to free myself from his clutching hands. "Where do you think you're going my virgin bride? You're not a virgin anymore; we took care of that yesterday, but you are still my bride, my wife. I'm leaving in two hours and we're going to fuck before I do. You should have woken me earlier so I could have you many times, but let's see how many times we can screw." His voice startled me as I thought he was asleep, but the words shocked me more.

"Bride? Virgin? I'm married to this Captain? When the heck did that happen? How could I have been a virgin? Have I gone to an alternate reality? Have I been drinking for days?" Instead of looking at my 'husband's' face I looked at his erection. Fully aroused it was truly impressive and I wondered what it would feel like to have that penetrate me. I felt an ache develop between my thighs as I looked at him. Hell, if we'd already fucked I wanted to experience how it felt to be screwed by such a large penis, and by this man. I had forgotten everything about the facts he'd mentioned. I would pretend I knew what he was talking about, just for a little while.

"Look at my face, not my cock, Matsumoto. You're supposed to be in love with all of me, not just my prick," his voice chided me.

Responding to the command I looked at the Captains face. I loved him and we were married according to his words. This was becoming stranger by the minute. The Captain was grinning at me as one hand fondled my breast which was still in his hand. How did he know to touch me like that? His touch was rousing me. I caught myself. This was wrong, I loved Gin. Why was I in bed with this man who was exciting me with such ease and confidence? I should get up and leave him immediately but I didn't want to leave his embrace.

He pulled me closer and kissed me. Without thinking about it consciously, I kissed him in return, hating my fickle nature and determined lust. The man could kiss. The guilt overcame me and even though I was enjoying the feel of his lips on mine, I jerked my mouth from his. "I shouldn't be doing this."

He kissed me again, ignoring my words and his tongue touched a part of my mouth that made me jump. He continued to kiss me in that manner and it was too much. Something about him, maybe it was the jingling of the bells made it impossible for me to leave. Even though I knew it was wrong and it made little sense to me, even though I loved Gin, I had to fuck this man. His kiss was making me so aroused that I didn't think I could tolerate it. It was obvious, I'd already made the mistake and I may as well enjoy myself because there would be consequences to face very soon.

"Why? We've got two hours before I have to leave. You said last night that we didn't know when I'd return. What position do you want to try or do you have another fantasy you want fulfilled?" as he spoke his hand was caressing me between my legs, touching me in ways I hadn't experienced before. How was he making me so excited? "I can't believe when the girl healed you she made you a virgin. Try not to become a virgin again, okay? At least I know you now only know my cock. I like that. Talk to me wife. You're not so quiet normally."

"What do you want me to say, Captain?" I didn't know what I should call him or what he wanted me to say. I felt nervous. He'd called me by name so he knew me, but what would he do if I admitted I did not remember marrying him, or anything about the time we'd spent together? I was dreaming; that must be it; the unacknowledged erotic fantasies I'd held for this man were showing themselves in a very real dream. That would explain the things he'd said. But who was the girl he was talking about? How could someone heal me and make me a virgin again? It sounded very strange but when I tried to think about it, his touches intruded and made me think of him instead. This was the best dream I'd ever had but all the time I tried to convince myself it was a fantasy, I knew it was real.

"Captain again? That's almost becoming a kink with you. I want you to talk dirty to me like you normally do. Tell me how much you want me, how you want me to fuck you, or how you want me to touch you. You're acting strangely. Usually you're all over me by now, kissing me, stroking me, trying to drive me insane with lust." He looked at me, one eyebrow raised.

"Please… um …screw me now," the words jumped from my mouth without conscious thought and I wondered if that sounded right? Why was I asking him? I shouldn't be asking him to fuck me, no matter how much being close to this man made me want to indulge all my sexual desires. Had I no restraint?

"Not the best you've come up with, but it'll do. I think we should use the balm instead of the oil today. I wanted to apply it with my cock in the bathhouse but you stopped me." He let me go for a moment and went to retrieve something that looked like balm, put some on his fingers and then handed me the container. I had no idea what he wanted me to do with it until I felt his fingers start to fondle my genitals, rubbing in the cream into me, inserting some fingers stretching me gently. I put some balm in my hand and tentatively began to stroke his penis with it. It was thick, hot, rigid and ready and nothing like Gin's penis. Without thinking this through I had already committed myself to have sex with this disturbing man.

"Enough of that," he said pushing me down onto my back as he got between my legs. "I'm not waiting."

I took his erection in my hand, eager to feel him fill me. I moved him to my entrance.

"You've never done that before when I've been on top. You must be feeling really horny at the moment. That's good. I like it when you're hot for me," he said and then began to push into me."

"Slowly, please slowly. I want to feel this," I said as the thick mushroom like head entered me. I was still unsure he would fit and I wanted to give my body time to adjust.

"Slowly? You usually want hard and fast. Oh, yeah, might be easier if I do this slowly," he said and then eased himself into me.

His control was excellent. He entered me so slowly I could feel every centimetre penetrate me. As I stretched around him I was pleased he had used the balm, for while I was wet with desire, I was uncertain he would have managed to get inside me without it.

"Oh my God, Captain," I said as I felt him fill me stretching me more than anything I could have imagined. I thought he would break me he was so large but it felt right. "You're fucking enormous."

With one more push he fully sheathed his penis inside me. "No, I'm fucking you. You've never said that before. Never commented on the size of my cock. Must be because you're still so tight. I'm going to have to fit in two screws before I go. One won't be enough. This one will be hard and fast." He began to thrust into me hard and fast, as he promised.

I was really confused. As the Captain fucked me I found I was thinking less and less about Gin and more about this man who was driving me wild. His mouth was on my neck and he began to suck my most sensitive areas. I found I was eagerly meeting his moves, wanting him deeper inside me, squirming under him, as he continued to drive himself into me. At the same time his hands were moving over my buttocks and hips, encouraging me to push onto him harder.

"Don't stop, please don't stop," I moaned feeling something build within me.

His mouth moved to mine and he kissed me again, making my skin tingle and my mouth hunger for the touch of his tongue. "I won't stop, not until you're screaming my name like you always do," he said thickly. "You're so close, Matsumoto. I can feel you tightening around me already."

The words spurred me on and I came, more blissfully than I had before, screaming a name as I felt him empty into me.

When I opened my eyes, he was still inside me, resting his weight on his hands staring at me, an apprehensive look on his face. "Lieutenant Rangiku, do you know who I am?"

Why was he asking me this question? "You are Captain Kenpachi Zaraki."

"And?"

"And what?" What else was I meant to say? I had no idea what he was getting at and then I realised what he might mean. "You're my husband?"

He withdrew slowly and rested on his haunches, looking at me. "Call me by name," he demanded, watching me as if he expected me to run away.

"Kenpachi," I said uncertainly.

"And what do I call you, aside from your name?" So many strange questions. I desperately racked my brain trying to think what term he might call me as a term of endearment.

"Lieutenant?" I had no idea and was guessing.

"Damn it, you've lost your memory again. I thought you were acting oddly, but I ignored it 'cause you seemed to want me. You yelled 'Kenpachi' when you came and I knew something was wrong. Retsu said she didn't know if this would happen again. Shit! Why did you let me fuck you if you didn't remember me?" He seemed angry.

I moved away from him, fearing that he would be furious with me for forgetting, but I didn't know I'd forgotten anything. How could I forget marrying him?

Noticing my fear, he grabbed me and held me close to him. I struggled slightly against his embrace but he was unyielding and as I did wish to be held by him, I didn't try too hard. "I won't hurt you, but answer this. What do you remember? Who are you in love with? How many men have you fucked?"

"Until now I thought I was in love with Gin, but I haven't told him. I've only had sex with Gin, and now you," I answered honestly, hoping I didn't hurt his feelings.

"That's earlier than last time," he said almost to himself. "What about Captain Aizen?"

"Captain Aizen? I don't love him and I haven't had sex with him. He was Gin's Captain for a time and he's pleasant, but I don't know him very well. What do you mean I've lost my memory again?" Why was he mentioning that Captain to me?

"Why did you have sex with me if you love Gin?" The intensity with which the question was asked alerted me that the Captain felt this was an important question.

I felt my whole body flood with the intensity of anger and embarrassment. "I made a mistake," I said as curtly as I could. He'd enjoyed it; why was it a problem?

"Why?" the man persisted.

"Because you excited me, you kissed me and touched me and you told me I was your wife. I didn't know what you'd do if I'd fought against you and I wanted to see if my fantasies about you were real. I apologise, Captain. I'll leave if you want me to," I said with as much dignity as I could muster.

"No, you won't. That untested drug must be doing this to you. Sex didn't restore your memory, so I'll have use the stuff Retsu gave me. Damn it, Matsumoto! On the day I have to go this happens. I'd refuse to leave you behind but that won't work," The Captain held me close, his face next to mine and then he kissed me gently on the mouth, just his lips gently touching mine. I kissed him back shyly, wondering what had happened and what he meant by earlier than last time.

He rose from the bed and took a box from the pocket of his coat opening it. "I'm not good at this, but I'll try not to hurt you," the man said as he came close holding a syringe. I tried to shift away from him, scared of what he was going to do. "Listen Matsumoto, you've lost your memory and this will get it back. Captain Unohana gave it to me."

I shook my head, not willing to allow him to get any closer. "You're trying to drug me."

"Woman," he exploded. "Why would I need to drug you? I've already fucked you and you were willing, eager. I don't need to drug you for sex. Try to trust me," the look of concern in his eyes seemed real.

"No. Why should I trust you? You could be lying to me." I wanted to trust him, but couldn't.

"Can you see your clothes over there," he asked gesturing toward a cupboard that held my clothes. "See, your hairbrush is here and all your junk. Do you ever throw out any of the crap you're given? What's the point of this rock?"

Gin had given me that rock one birthday when we had no money for other presents. He'd drawn a face on it and told me that it would keep away bad dreams. I felt even guiltier seeing that reminder. I looked around the room and realised the Captain was correct. Most of my possessions were in this room, but not arranged in the order I would keep them. If I was married to him and had moved into his quarters, I would have placed them in different locations.

"Look at your ring finger woman, on your left hand. See the wedding band? Try to remove it."

I looked at my hand and he was right, there was a ring there. I tugged at it, trying to remove it, but it would not budge. Carefully he put down the syringe and showed me his left hand. An identical ring was on his finger and he tried to remove it. It seemed stuck.

"These can only be removed by the person who put them on. Here, give me your hand," he ordered.

Hesitatingly I held out my hand and he removed the ring, quickly replacing it. I tried to remove it again, but again it would not move. He held out his hand and I removed his ring and then, shrugging replaced it.

"Okay, weird rings," that was all I was prepared to say.

"Did I hurt you when we screwed?"

"No."

"Then for fucks sake, let me do this. If it doesn't work I'll get Retsu here."

Feeling like a complete fool I looked into his eyes. I was beginning to weaken. "If you kill me…"

"Kill you? You lost your memory because I insisted Retsu save you. You were dying and I couldn't let you die." He sounded sincere and it touched me. "You're my wife and I want you to remember me."

I shut my eyes, fearing I was making a mistake but I wanted to trust him, and I wanted to be held in his arms once more. "Okay, get it over with."

I felt a brief stab of pain in my arm and it was over. I waited for something to happen, but nothing did.

The Captain returned to the bed embracing me. Very gently he began to touch me, softly but firmly caressing me, my breasts, thighs, back, any place he could reach. "I know you don't remember but we are married and you love me," I gasped as his hands grazed my nipples, starting to feel the renewed onset of desire for this man. "Do you want to fuck again, or would you prefer to wait until you get your memory back?" He pressed his erection against me, tempting me.

'Tell me what I call you," I said, feeling that this was important. If we made love again I wanted to know what to call him.

"You call me Zaraki," he said as his lips skimmed my cheek.

I stiffened, pain racing through my body as the name triggered a memory. "Of course I call you Zaraki. Gin always calls you Kenpachi, but I always think of you as Zaraki." A glimmer of memory returned. "Sex in the bathhouse. That's what happened. You thought you were forcing me, but I wanted you, so I pretended to resist but I didn't resist much." That memory made me squirm as pain assaulted me again.

Kissing me on the mouth seemed his way of rewarding me and I responded. The kiss reminded me of the first time he had kissed me, the time he had kissed me when we had finally declared our love for each other, exchanging a kiss when we married. These memories led to more and very quickly all the recollections returned, flooding through my mind, pain accompanying each one, causing me to cry while he kissed me. The tears dripped into my mouth, adding a salty taste to the sweetness of this kiss. The rape, the abduction, the fear, everything; all the bad memories mixed with the good, born through a cruel agony. Zaraki held me, soothing me as he continued to kiss me. I drew my mouth from his as I remembered about my near death experience. "I'm sorry I forgot. I never want to forget you again. Zaraki, I love you. Please believe I love you."

The next thing I knew he was applying balm to his penis again and entering me, making love to me urgently, taking me with a mixture of desperation and longing. My desperation matched his and I moved against him, wanting him to make me his so completely that I could never think of another man, but I knew I had already forgotten him twice. How could I make certain I did not forget this man whom I loved more than I had ever believed I could love anyone?

I opened my mouth to speak, but he kissed me forcefully as he continued to rhythmically thrust into me and I wrapped my arms around him, fearing his departure, wanting to keep him with me but at the same time aware that he needed to leave. The fight before him excited him and he wanted revenge on Gin and Aizen. The kiss finished, I watched his face as we moved together and he looked at me intently, gauging my reaction.

"Tell me what you want," he demanded fiercely.

"You, only you," I gasped feeling my excitement grow. That was the answer I had to give and the answer he wanted to hear. How would I survive without the regular sex? Since being with Zaraki I had become used to sex more than once per day and I knew I would miss it and him. Why was I even thinking about this while we were screwing?

"I want you. Come for me beloved," his mouth was close to my neck and he touched his tongue to the skin, sure in his ability to gain the response he wanted. The single touch made me react in the manner he requested and I came shuddering as he thrust into me a few more times and then I heard him yelling my name as he climaxed. I did not release my arms from their hold on him. I did not wish him to leave my body because then he would leave me behind, longing for him to return.

"Take me with you, Zaraki. Don't leave me here. I don't want to be apart from you again. Please beloved husband, I need to be with you no matter where you go. I won't stay behind while you go and risk yourself fighting. I want to fight by your side." His face became hard as I spoke and I knew he would deny my request. He'd already told me that he wanted me to stay in the Seireitei and stay safe, but I had the right to be by his side.

Zaraki pulled away from me, withdrawing and lying on his side, not touching but glaring at me. "You will stay here woman. If you follow me I will send you back and ask the old man to confine you so that you can't follow me again. They want you, and if you come with me…"

"You'll protect me. I only feel safe with you," I knew my protest would fall on deaf ears but I wanted to try.

"I didn't protect you when that bastard took you, did I?" I looked at Zaraki hearing a tone in his voice that scared me. Was that guilt? "I promised to protect you above everything and I just sat there as you were taken from me and did nothing for fucking hours. Yachiru tried to protect you because of me, and almost got murdered. Then the scum almost killed you and I didn't help. I arrived when it was nearly too late and you've never mentioned it. You only tell me you love me and you need me. Why don't you hate me or call me on it? Why haven't you even mentioned my failures to me? I know I let you down, the bastards got away and are still a threat and I have to leave you here, knowing they might come back for you. If I take you with me, they will know and target you. How can I concentrate on fighting if I have to think of protecting you at the same time? If they're concentrating on fighting me they might leave you alone."

"I can protect myself if I have my zanpaku-to….but it's still in Las Noches,' the realisation made me wail with despair. I relied on my zanpaku-to and if I had it in my hand I was sure no one would be able to rape me or beat me.

"It's here. I found it and brought it and put it with your clothes and things," Zaraki stated in a flat voice. "At least you can't blame me for losing it."

How could I react? I did not even think of blaming him for anything that happened. He had saved me when I thought there was no chance of being saved. I cuddled close to him, kissing him on the cheek and the mouth. "I love you. You rescued me when I had given up all hope. If it had not been for you, I would have died and would have wanted to die. I owe you my life, Zaraki because you are my life. Don't make me stay here, away from you. I can fight and I would only learn how to improve from watching you. I was made a Lieutenant because I can take care of myself." I kissed him again with longing and a feeling of loss. His lips did not respond to me and I felt a sense of despair as I continued to try to obtain a reaction.

"You will stay here. You will not follow me. If you love me you will do as I ask," the sadness in his voice cut me. He was refusing to look at me as his hand rested on my hip, his fingers trailing over my skin. He watched his hand seemingly interested in its movements.

"If you love me you won't ask me to stay behind. You'd want me with you, not to protect, but as your ally and companion." I kissed him again and finally his lips warmed against mine and he kissed me in response.

"You don't get it. Why do you refuse to understand? Are you trying to annoy me? You are too precious to gamble with. I almost lost you once and I want you in the safest place I can find. There's no place that's really safe so I have to compromise. You will stay here and you will wait for me," the way he spoke sounded like I had not choice in the matter.

"Stop ordering me around. I can make my own decisions and it is my life," I was becoming angry at his obstinacy. "I want to be with you, not left here wondering if you are alive, fearing for your safety. If you don't take me with you, I will follow you. I can fight, you've seen me fight and I can protect myself." My voice was rising as I spoke. I didn't want to fight him just before he left, but I wanted to assert my independence.

"The Captain-General will not give you permission to leave and nor do I. You will stay here. For God's sake, woman. I won't die. I promise you I'll come back to you as soon as I can. Hell, I'll even take you for a honeymoon to the human world where we won't be interrupted all the bloody time," he was trying to placate me with words and his hands were caressing me again.

"Why won't you take me seriously, Zaraki? Do you think the offer of a honeymoon alone with you, away from everyone will distract me? I'm coming with you." His hands were doing a very good job of distracting me and the thought of being alone with him away from all the responsibilities and interruptions was very appealing. But I was still determined to leave with him.

Then he kissed me again. One of those damned kisses that made me agree with anything he said, even if I knew it was a mistake. "I love you, Matsumoto. Stay here, stay protected, and wait for me."

As usual my mind was swayed by his lips and I found I was agreeing to his demands. "Okay. I'll stay," I said aloud. "For now," I thought.

A small smile twisted his lips and then his mouth moved to my breast kissing it lightly and then further down. "I want to leave with the taste of you in my mouth," he said quietly.

"Wait, can't I have the taste of you in my mouth also?" I shifted so my mouth was opposite his penis which was only semi hard and took it in my mouth. It immediately became fully erect and I had to adjust my mouth to accommodate his width. At the same time, Zaraki had immediately buried his mouth into my centre, licking me with longing. A few minutes later we were facing each other having sex with more ardour than seemed possible after the other two encounters.

"Matsumoto, don't forget me. I order you to remember me when I'm gone." Zaraki told me earnestly as he thrust into me. "I love you, you love me. Don't die, don't fuck anyone else, for God's sake don't forget me, and don't become a virgin again. Promise me."

"I'll try to remember you. I don't want anyone else, I keep telling you that," I said as clearly as I could though the sex was clouding my reason. "If you knew how you made me feel you'd know it was impossible to want anyone else." I kissed him and then my tongue moved to the red shiny patch of skin on his neck as tears formed in my eyes at the knowledge that he would leave me soon.

A hard knock sounded on the door and a voice called, "It's time Captain. We have to leave now."

Zaraki ignored the instruction and continue to screw me. "I want to finish this time. This time we will finish. Kiss me, Matsumoto."

I moved my mouth to his and kissed him as a tear escaped from my eye. I didn't want him to leave so soon. Our time together had been too short and I did not know when he would return. We were always leaving each other, either through pretended choice or at the direction of others.

"Stop bloody crying. You're meant to be enjoying this, not acting like it causes you pain or you hate it," the edge to Zaraki's voice made the tears flow even faster. He was thrusting into me hard and while I was weeping, my body was responding to his insistent rhythm.

"I love you, Zaraki," I cried and then the pleasure washed over me, making gasp.

He kissed me and I watched his face change as he came. We lay there intertwined holding each other as close as we could, knowing that this could last only a short time before we would be forced to face the departure.

"You have to go," I said reluctantly releasing Zaraki from my embrace and wiping the tears from my face.

"I have to go,' he agreed. "Wash your face and put on your robe then let Retsu in. Tell her about your memory loss and get her to give you something to prevent it happening. I have to get ready, fix my hair." He kissed me again and rose from the bed, making his way to the bathroom.

After quickly washing my face, brushing my hair, finding the key and donning the gown as requested I went and answered the door, shutting the bedroom door behind me. The knocking had been constant so I called out that I was opening the door to hopefully persuade Retsu to stop. On opening the door I saw it wasn't only Retsu waiting. A crowd of people were outside and I flushed as they all looked at me, knowing there were marks all over my neck and chest from Zaraki's mouth.

"Did you sleep at all?" Retsu's voice did not hold much hope. She was the one who had been knocking and there was a small tentative smile on her lips.

Seeing her, I beckoned to her to enter and shut the door quickly. "I lost my memory again," I told her urgently. "This time I forgot more, the rape, Gin refuting me. I'm scared, I don't know what to do, or if it will happen again." I did not try to hide my fear because she already knew how scared I was by the previous experience.

"I thought that might happen. If only I had more time." She went outside and returned with my Captain. "Captain Hitsugaya, you will need to watch your Lieutenant. She will occasionally suffer memory loss due to an untested treatment I used to keep her alive and it will be necessary to administer this." She handed him a box. "There are instructions inside. You will need to check her each morning as it seems to occur after she has slept. When she loses her memory she returns to the time before the Ryoka came. That could prove dangerous. Ran, I really should be studying you and testing these side effects, but I promised I would join this mission and I cannot now change my mind. When I return we will work on a cure. Please go to 4th Division every day for a check up, that way we can monitor what might be causing this."

"I know this is a stupid request, but please, try to watch over Zaraki while you're gone. I know it will be hard, but try to stop him from doing anything stupid," I urged.

She smiled at me while knowing she would try, I knew it would be impossible.

Captain Hitsugaya's gaze was studied. "You forgot you're married? That might not be a bad thing."

"It is. Take care of her, Captain, or I will cut you to pieces slowly when I return. You promised me that you would defend my wife and I'm holding you to that." Zaraki was standing in the doorway dominating the room, his arms were crossed and his face implacable. I went across to him wanting to touch him and hold him close before he left. I didn't care who was watching, why should I? He pulled me to him and held me against him.

"I agreed to protect my Lieutenant, not your wife. I will protect her as my friend and adjunct; her relationship with you is immaterial. Now we will escort you to the bridge. I think you should leave now before the others become impatient," Toshiro looked pointedly at me.

"I better change," I said realising I was still wearing the robe. I hurriedly washed and donned a uniform and rushed to join my husband.

Zaraki moved to pick me up, but I shook my head and held his hand as we walked to the departure point. I wanted the closeness, but it would be distracting and holding his hand at least kept some contact between us. We didn't speak as the words would have been too painful. Every few steps I would look at his face and find his eyes fixed on me. I ignored the other people; I did not even notice they were there, so focused on Zaraki was I.

The walk was too short. We arrived and I noticed the other Captains' who were joining the mission. Feeling a great amount of unease I noticed Captain Kurotsuchi was a member of the party and that recognition made my heart sink. I did not trust him and seeing he was one of the squad I felt it imperative to gain reassurance from Zaraki. Standing there, I grabbed his head and pulled him down for a kiss, not caring who could see. Quickly I whispered in his ear, "Be careful of Kurotsuchi. Don't turn your back on him for a moment." His lips sought mine and he kissed me passionately. I hesitated for a second and kissed him in response knowing it would be many days before I saw him again.

"Don't be stupid, beloved. I don't trust him any more than I trust the traitors. Kiss me again, once more. I have to go." He kissed me again, holding my body tight against him as his mouth pillaged mine. Despite the situation and the repeated sex, he was arousing me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck not wishing to release him but knowing this was a moment that could not be prolonged.

"It's time to leave, Captain. There'll be plenty of time for that when you return," the sardonic voice of the Captain-General cut through my rising passion and Zaraki released me reluctantly. I sighed in disappointment as his warm arms were removed.

"I expect all of you to take care of my wife. Ikkaku, Yumichika, if anything happens to her, you know what will happen. Beloved, remember me and the rules I mentioned earlier." He pecked me on the lips quickly, cupping my face in his hands, stared into my eyes, turned and left without another glance. I did not expect him to look back. It would have been too painful for both of us. I watched until I couldn't see him or the others anymore, noticing when I could no longer feel his reiatsu. The loss of that touch hurt me and my heart slowed its beating as I tried to accept he had gone.

"He'll be back, Ran. Stop crying. He told me he hates it when you cry," Yumichika said suddenly on my left side.

I had not realised I was crying, but summoning my strength I again wiped the tears from my face, standing straight and proud. We would be together again, soon. I would not cry again.

"Come, Lieutenant. The remedy for your sorrow is hard work. We have a lot to do and I can't allow you out of my sight," Captain Hitsugaya said half seriously. "I'll return her to 11th Division later," he told Yumichika and Ikkaku and they nodded.

Sighing, I followed my Captain to work. There was nothing else to do and I needed distraction.

* * *

A.N. 

Reworked this chapter as I was not happy with some parts.

Disappointed at lack of reviews for last chapter.

Thanks to those who did review. Next chapter? Not sure. Depends on reviews and inspiration.

The next chapter has been delayed due to updating _For the Love of a Friend_ so these stories will be synchronised.


	19. The Friend

The Friend

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Friend**

Paying little attention to our destination, I followed my Captain who walking in his normal determined manner. I expected he would lead me back to our Division. Work did not really appeal, but it would be something to do, if I could concentrate for more than a few minutes on anything. My Captain stopped suddenly and I almost tripped as I tried not to fall over him.

"Matsumoto, we are not going back to our Division immediately. We have to visit 4th Division to talk to Momo, but before we do, I want to ask your advice."

I was puzzled. Toshiro wanted to ask my advice? He did that rarely, but the times he did, he always listened carefully to anything I said. This time I felt this would not be a matter of strategy, but something more. "My Captain, of course I would be happy to advise you. You only need to ask and I will help."

"Except with paperwork. I don't want to talk about this here. Let's have some tea," he led the way to a small, quiet tea house and we sat down, facing each other, far removed from the other seats which were empty. "I don't need to ask you to keep this confidential, because I am sure you will, but I would ask you keep your voice down as I do not wish to be overheard, even if it appears there is no one within earshot. I would have asked you this before, but you were busy with Captain Zaraki and your honeymoon." The stress he put on the word honeymoon sounded slightly satirical and I did not let it pass without comment.

"The honeymoon is over now my husband has left," I said quietly allowing the sadness I was feeling to sharpen my words. It was only a short time but I missed him so much. When would I feel his arms embrace me once more?

He bit his lip, seemingly shamed by my comment. After a pause, while the tea was served with some sweet buns, he said, "I heard a rumour and you don't have to confirm it if you don't want to. I wanted to ask you this before, but you were too upset. Did Aizen rape you?"

I was sipping my tea and nearly choked when Toshiro asked the question. The rumours had spread as I dreaded and now I would have to endure the pity. "Yes."

"You should have told me. I want to kill that bastard, but not as much as your husband does. If you had told me I could have done something," his eyes were hard as they gazed at me.

"You wouldn't have believed me," I was sure of this. It was easy to believe anything of Aizen now he was disclosed as being a traitor. I sipped my tea to ease the dryness in my throat and absently took a bun and pretended to concentrate on eating it, after one bite I did not have to pretend. I was hungry.

"I would. We've known each other long enough for me to know when you're lying. You didn't have to live through that hell by yourself," he touched my hand reassuringly.

I couldn't believe he'd done that. Toshiro didn't like me to touch him, but I guessed it was his attempt to console me. "Please, let's not talk about this. It's in the past and I don't want to think about it anymore," I felt tears beginning to well in my eyes as I took another bun but steeled myself against them. I was not going to cry.

Toshiro nodded understandingly. "If you want, we can talk about it later."

I swallowed some more tea, noting from the fragrance that it was a blend we had enjoyed together many times. Toshiro might seem cold to many people, but I knew he had a softer side and a need for friendship.

Unthinkingly he took a bun and took a bite, chewing mechanically and then coughed a little, speaking very quietly. "I have delayed this until you were available. I wish to inform Momo of her pregnancy and I want you there to provide any consolation she requires. I am unsure how she will take the news, and she has seemed rather confused when I've talked to her since she regained consciousness."

I nodded slowly. Toshiro had planned to tell Momo of her condition as soon as we returned from the human world, but life, and Zaraki, had interfered with those plans. She should be told so she could make any decisions necessary, but I did have one question. "Don't you think we should wait until Captain Unohana returns? She would be able to give the best advice if Momo reacts badly and she has been treating Momo all this time."

Toshiro shook his head with determination. "No, I don't want to postpone this any longer. Momo should know; it's only fair to her. How should I tell her?" He seemed concerned, angry and slightly anxious which struck me as odd. I remembered that the Captain-General had mentioned there seemed to be something wrong with Toshiro and wondered briefly if this was the cause.

Gazing into my cup I thought about it. "Do you want me to tell her? I'll be as gentle as I can and as we are friends and she told me about the encounter with Aizen, it might be more reassuring."

There was a pause and then my Captain sighed. "That would make my life easier, but I think I should tell her. Should I be blunt, or slowly introduce the information? I'm not sure."

I wasn't sure either. I had not talked to Momo since she had regained consciousness, so I did not know her state of mind. From the information Toshiro had given, it seemed she was still delusional and thoroughly fixated on Aizen. "Don't be too blunt, work up to it slowly and try to make it so that the truth will become apparent gradually. We might need lots of tissues and a sedative for when she realises the truth."

Nodding, Toshiro seemed to be steeling himself to ask me something further. "Yes, I agree. Now please think about your answer to the next question carefully, as I value your advice. Do you think I should ask Momo to marry me?"

I stifled the startled gasp that rose to my lips and I had trouble believing he had asked me that question. What was he thinking? I knew that Captain Hitsugaya was friends with Momo, but I had never suspected his feelings were that deep. For a time I'd thought he had an unrealistic adoration of the girl, but that had faded over time. While we were in the human world I had adjusted my thoughts to accept that he felt a very deep friendship for the girl, nothing more. "Before I answer that question you must tell me: do you love her?"

He flushed slightly at my question and said, "She's my friend." The answer sounded very defensive and he refused to look at me.

I felt that he was avoiding a straight answer and gave a stupid response, hoping he would be shocked into providing an honest answer. "She's my friend too, but I'm not offering to marry her," I burst out.

"Of course you're not. You are married already to a man you tell me you love and you're female. Why would you offer to marry her?" Toshiro seemed disconcerted by my response but he had not answered the way I'd hoped.

His words reminded me that Zaraki had left me that morning. If Zaraki had heard my last comment he would have teased me about my strange ideas and then we would have had sex; good, prolonged sex with lots of touching and kissing. I felt a lump form in my throat as his absence became real. Why had he refused to let me accompany him? My heart had lifted when he told me how precious I was to him, but they were just words. I wanted him, not words. Damn it, why did he ignore the fact I was a lieutenant and an experienced fighter? If I was with him I was sure the Captain-General would let me go to Las Noches.

I shook my head, trying to free my mind of the sad thoughts. "What I am trying to say is that you should not offer marriage out of friendship alone. If you love Momo as more than a friend, then make the offer, but I think it would be a bad idea. She loves Aizen, or she did last time I talked with her, before he tried to kill her. Maybe that has changed."

It was Toshiro's turn to shake his head. "No. She believes it was all a mistake. Her obsession has not decreased; in fact it seems to have become stronger. Nearly every statement she makes concerns Aizen. She did not seem worried about the attacks by the Arrancar in the human world and I have not mentioned your abduction by Ichimaru. I feared it would affect her badly."

I nodded slowly. That comment aroused many concerns in my mind, but I did not want to address them and instead tried to advise him as best I could while being brutally frank. "You'll be offering to marry her, even though she's pregnant with Aizen's child and madly in love with the guy? Excuse me, Captain, but I think that's the most idiotic idea you've had for a long time. Even if she agreed, which she won't, neither of you would be happy. I don't know why, but I've felt that you've lost your romantic attachment to Momo and see her only as a friend. It's almost as if your interest has been drawn to someone else. If you want my advice: tell her about her pregnancy, offer her support and pacify her if you need to, but don't offer to marry her. It's a noble idea, but marriage without love on both sides is not a marriage. It's a convenient arrangement," I faltered listening to the last comment I made and almost gagged at the opinion I had uttered. Hell; now I sounded like something from a romance novel. Was I really becoming that cloyingly sentimental?

"But how do you know it is love? When did you know that you loved Captain Zaraki? What do you love about your husband?" My Captain asked his curiosity evident. I had never expected to have this conversation with him, or anyone. Why was this happening? "It might just be good sex."

That last comment made me speechless. Good sex? What had happened to my Captain? There were nuances to his words that had not been there previously which were revealed by that last comment and he seemed very interested in my answer. He'd never mentioned good sex to me before, preferring to refrain from discussing that subject or becoming embarrassed whenever I mentioned it. Now he was raising the matter. As I tried to think of how I should respond, I realised I had never tried to analyse why I loved Zaraki, or how. Stumbling over the thoughts and words I tried to explain. "It started as just good sex, really good sex and good sex is part of it, at least I think so. I would not have married Captain Zaraki if he was a bad lover, but I don't know why I love him; I just do and I won't question it. I know it is love because he makes my heart feel like…. It's no good. I can't explain it. I know I love him just like I know that we are friends and the sun will rise tomorrow. Don't ask me to quantify it."

Toshiro's face underwent a strange change. It darkened and then brightened but then fell again.

"Captain, do you feel like that about someone…"

"I think we should go and tell Momo her news as soon as possible. Maybe we should ask Iemura or Hisagi to be nearby in case she needs a sedative," he said distractedly and then I saw his face flush.

"Hisagi? Why would Hisagi know anything about 4th Division? He has little to do with the workings of that division; he has his own to take care of. I think you mean Hanatoro, but I don't know why you would mix those two up. There names are not even similar and they look nothing alike. Maybe you've been working too hard while I've been absent, my Captain. I will try to help you catch up. I have nothing to distract me now, except my thoughts." My thoughts immediately summoned visions of Zaraki and for a few seconds I felt my eyes glaze over as I thought longingly of my husband. I hoped I didn't start drooling.

"I thought you said you had nothing to distract you, yet you already seem distracted, Matsumoto," my Captain teased.

I blinked and smiled slightly. "Sorry Captain. I know you're not happy about our marriage and you'd prefer it if I forgot him."

"But you're wrong, Lieutenant. I am happy for you, both of you. I only said that to annoy Zaraki who was listening, because it's fun to watch his reactions. I know how difficult it was when you insisted you wanted to stay in Division 10 when your husband demanded you were moved. I doubted your affection for each other at first but now I can't. When you were abducted, Zaraki became totally obsessed with retrieving you and tried to leave when he woke, even though he was still drugged. He almost rampaged through the Seireitei but the drugs were strong and we all had trouble overcoming the effects. He recovered the quickest, but I think his fury may have helped him burn the drug out of his system. Captain Unohana had to do some quick work on Yachiru which helped calm him down a little. We knew he was going to rescue you no matter what or who stood in his way. The way he spoke about you moved me. I know he enjoys having sex with you, that's evident, even if he doesn't say anything about it, and Ikkaku has blabbed about what he overheard in Soul Society, but there's more there. I wondered what was happening when the Captain-General took Zaraki for a walk, showed him the way to get to the Arrancar stronghold and mentioned that your abduction should have no effect on the planned mission. Zaraki waited until the old man had gone and then left, even though he had been told about the danger. Captain Unohana and Ikkaku and Yumichika were watching and followed him. I stayed behind and tried to distract the old man," he stopped abruptly and looked down at his hands for a second and then looked at me guardedly. "How do you know it is love?"

He'd asked me that before, only minutes before, and I still did not know how to answer him. "I can't answer that, I told you before. I can only tell you that a look can break your heart or make it thrill with excitement. A touch can make you weak. A kiss can possess you. I don't know, Captain. I've never felt like this before. What I may have felt for Gin is nothing compared to this." I swallowed hard, a lump forming in my throat.

"Then I don't love Momo," he said as lightly as he could, trying to smile, but the smile died even before it was born.

"What is it Captain? There's something bothering you. At first I thought it was Momo, but it's more than that," I kept my voice low and looked at him, closely gauging the reaction to my words. I saw him flinch slightly but he shook his head.

"It's nothing. I said something stupid to someone and it became personal and it's nothing. Too late to change anything," I heard an element of pain in the words but his voice was strong and determined. My Captains' face changed and he looked suddenly older and sad.

"Tell me Captain. Let me help you. I'm not very good at explaining about love or with relationships, well until now, but maybe you need to tell someone." I was worried at the change in Toshiro. He had always seemed so contained and aloof and now he looked, well, vulnerable.

Sighing, he shook his head again and closed his eyes, then leant his brow against his hand. "I can't talk about it with anyone. There's no point. It's over."

I wondered and then plunged in saying whatever came into my mind. "Try talking to whoever it is. Apologise, give the person a chance to apologise, say you didn't mean what you said; tell the person you made a mistake. If it means that much, grovel. You can't let whatever it is tear you apart like this, Toshiro. If the person is reasonable, I'm sure he or she will listen."

"Reasonable! No fucking way is she reasonable," Toshiro raised his voice and it echoed around the deserted tea room. "I can't bloody apologise, I'm a Captain and she said some unforgivable things. It's better that it's over, I can concentrate on my work," he laughed unconvincingly. "Don't mention this to anyone. Let's go. We need to talk to Momo and you have to be checked."

A female. My Captain showed every sign of being infatuated with someone and my heart ached for him. I quickly ran through the possibilities in my mind, but no one seemed a possibility. Maybe he had fallen for Captain Unohana when he'd spent so much time visiting Momo, but that seemed unlikely. Retsu was reasonable, and he'd stated that the person was unreasonable. Rukia was going to marry Renji, so she was not a possibility, Isane was not his type, but I didn't know what his type was. There was no point in asking further questions because my Captain had that look on his face which meant he would be stubborn if I pressed him any further. I knew with a firm conviction it was not Soi Fong. I had blocked her clumsy approach to me, tried to forget it happened and then I fell in love with Zaraki some weeks after. She was at least one person I did not need to consider, as her interest was in women. I hadn't mentioned the approach to anyone; it was unimportant and I found the subject awkward.

We walked to 4th Division and I could feel my Captain's anxiety grow the nearer we approached. "I'm not looking forward to this. You're sure I shouldn't ask her to marry me?" His voice was very low as if he was afraid of being overheard.

"I'm positive," I said firmly. "You're not suited and it would be a mistake you would both regret."

Briefly we spoke to Hanatoro and he did a few tests on me before we went to Momo's room. Retsu had advised him on the medications that could be administered if she reacted badly. Smiling pleasantly he agreed to wait outside and only enter the room if he were needed. "Captain Unohana was very thorough in her explanations to me. She even asked Assistant Captain Hisagi to wait until she had finished providing the details, even though he insisted he had an urgent matter he needed to discuss with her. It must have been very important because they were locked in her office for nearly an hour."

Toshiro coughed and suddenly seemed interested in the wall. Looking at him I noticed the tops of his ears were turning red. "What's that about," I wondered. "What urgent business did Hisagi have with Retsu?" I sensed that Toshiro might know something, but now was not the time to probe further.

We walked to Momo's room. She was awake and sitting in a chair from which she smiled at both of us happily as we entered the room. "Ran, I haven't seen you for so long. No one would tell me what happened to you or why you didn't visit me. I wanted to talk to you."

I shot a look at Toshiro who was rubbing his chin in that gesture I knew so well. He hadn't told her because he was fearful it might upset her, but I didn't see how it could. "I'm sorry, Momo. I've been on my honeymoon."

Her gasp of surprise was louder than I expected. "Honeymoon? You got married? Who to? Tell me."

"Captain Kenpachi Zaraki." Those three words. Saying his name aloud made me miss him.

She shook her head vehemently her disbelief very evident. "That can't be right, Ran. Stop teasing me. No one would marry Captain Zaraki. He's not very …um, nice and besides you don't know him. Who did you really marry?" Momo looked at me excitedly.

"I told you. I married Captain Kenpachi Zaraki," I was irritated at her inability to believe me. Why did people react like this?

Momo turned her attention to Toshiro. "Tell me the truth, Toshiro. Did Ran really get married or is she making bad jokes again?"

"I assure you, Momo that she is telling the truth. My Lieutenant is now the wife of Captain Kenpachi Zaraki. I was at the wedding." Toshiro spoke very clearly.

"No, no. You can't be married to him. When Captain Aizen comes back I'm marrying him and you're marrying Captain Gin Ichimaru. You can't be married to that beast, you can't. I thought you must have married Captain Ichimaru, that he came back. You've always loved him," Momo was snivelling now.

I looked at Toshiro, very concerned. He had obviously been correct when he hadn't told her. She seemed very confused and disorientated and unable to accept new and rather unexpected information. Had her near death, Aizen or the pregnancy affected her mind?

"I love him, Momo. He loves me and he's not a beast. He wants to have children," I bit my tongue after I uttered the last sentence. My tongue was running away with me as usual.

Toshiro gave me an odd look and smiled at Momo. "That's a scary thought; but it's not important now. How are you feeling?"

"I keep getting sick, I don't know why. I'm tired all the time and I feel heavy. Captain Unohana tells me not to worry and I'll be better soon," she giggled slightly. "Kira keeps visiting me and he's brought me flowers. He tells me jokes. I haven't seen Renji very often, but Kira told me that he's marrying Rukia. I hope I'm invited to the wedding."

The sudden mood change seemed odd, but it was nice that Kira was visiting his friend but then I realised that Kira was probably visiting her out of guilt for not protecting her against Aizen.

Hearing his name made me realise I hadn't seen Renji since the day of my wedding. I wondered where he was as I could not recall seeing him at the impromptu wedding party. Thinking back it became more obvious that Renji and Rukia were not there. I'd ask Toshiro about that later, when we were alone.

"How do you feel about children?" I thought we better start introducing the topic again.

"I love children. I always wanted children, lots of them. Are you pregnant, Ran? Is that why you keep mentioning children? Is that the reason you married the beast?" Momo looked at my stomach with interest.

I flushed at the question. "I don't think so." It was possible but it would be too early to tell. The number of times Zaraki and I made love made it possible, but I hadn't fallen pregnant before this even though we'd had sex many times. I didn't think I was before I was abducted, but I was not sure. If I had been pregnant when Orihime healed me would that have removed the foetus? It was too confusing to contemplate. It struck me then that I wanted Zaraki's children, but I wanted him more.

"I wish I was pregnant because then I would be carrying Captain Aizen's child. I love him so much."

Toshiro glanced at me and I nodded. It was time to give her the 'good news'.

"Would you keep his child, even though the father tried to kill you?" Toshiro was blunt and I knew he was laying the groundwork.

"He didn't try to kill me. That was just a misunderstanding. It was Captain Tosen who tried to kill me. He is the leader and he blackmailed Captain Ichimaru and Captain Aizen into forming an alliance with the Hollows. They're both innocent. You shouldn't think badly of Captain Ichimaru, Ran," her voice held complete assurance.

I gaped at her. Tosen? Tosen hadn't been there. Her delusions were extreme and I could understand why Retsu had not permitted her to leave 4th Division. Perhaps it would be a very bad idea to tell her about her condition.

"I would keep his child, no matter what." She was perfectly clear in her confirmation. It was time to tell her but I was beginning to believe this was not a good idea.

"Even if you were advised it was a dangerous idea," Toshiro continued.

"It would not be dangerous, don't be silly Toshiro. How could having Captain Aizen's baby be unsafe? I keep hoping I am pregnant, but it would be too wonderful to happen," her face looked sad.

When I looked at my Captain I tried to indicate that I thought it was possibly hazardous to tell Momo of her condition, but he shook his head. He had been firm that she should know so she could make the decision.

My Captain said to her gently. "Momo, you know how you've been sick and very tired, well there's a reason. You're expecting a baby," Toshiro dropped his voice as he spoke.

Her face was transfigured. I had never seen such joy in her eyes before. "I'm pregnant? With Captain Aizen's baby? I must tell him. He'll want to marry me and bring up our child together. I know he loves me and he'll come back when he finds out. Everything will go back to how it was. Maybe we can have a double wedding, Ran and you can marry Captain Ichimaru. Oh, Toshiro. I can't believe it is true!" She clasped her hands together and smiled at both of us.

It worried me that she had forgotten our earlier conversation about my marriage. "It is true, but you should consider it very carefully, Momo. It won't be easy for you," I advised.

"I think you should rest now," Toshiro cut in before I could go into further detail. "You have to think of the baby."

I was worried about her excitement and her determination to talk to Aizen. How did Momo retain her delusions despite the evidence? Again I wondered at the cause and felt sorry for Retsu trying to work out a cure.

"I need to tell Captain Aizen. Will you get him for me, Toshiro, please? Tell him that I need to talk to him," her voice was pleading.

"I can't Momo. It's not possible," Toshiro said, trying to soothe her.

"He's telling the truth. It's hard trying to contact that trait… I mean the Captain," I said all the time hoping that Zaraki had his zanpaku-to firmly buried in the bastard's chest.

"But I have to tell him, now," she whined, her hands twisting in each other. "I want to start planning the wedding. What would be a good name for the baby? I'm sure it will be a boy." Suddenly she started to cry. "He left me behind. He could have taken me with him; I would never have questioned him. I told him I loved him and he smiled when I said it. We're meant to be together. I knew the first time I saw him when he saved me in the human world. He is my hero." The crying changed to loud sobbing and Momo rocked back and forth in the chair.

Toshiro quickly went to the door and summoned Hanatoro who administered the medicine he had prepared. Momo objected, trying to prevent the injection, but she was unsuccessful.

"Please leave now. She will fall asleep soon which is the best thing for her. When she wakes she will remember that she is pregnant with Aizen's baby. I do not know if she will remember anything else. Captain Unohana hoped that a shock, like being told about her pregnancy, might force her to accept reality," Hanatoro's face expressed the doubt that this would assist Momo.

"I'll visit again tomorrow," Toshiro said. "Matsumoto will you visit too?"

"If you do, don't tell her you're married. She is having trouble accepting facts she doesn't like. Lieutenant Izuru informed her of your marriage earlier and she protested vehemently and then forgot it. She won't accept it, for now."

"I didn't know she had been told before," Toshiro seemed shocked at the information. "I'll be careful what I say to her."

As we left the building to return to our Division I was suddenly glad, glad that I was no longer in love with Gin, glad that my love for Zaraki was returned and glad that my Captain was also my friend. At the same time I felt bitter pain for Momo.

The only thing I really wanted was to find some way to convince Toshiro to allow me to journey to Las Noches and join my husband in the battle.

* * *

A.N.

Further complications. Joy.

This story takes place around the same time and in the same AU as _For the Love of a Friend. _To understand it all you have to read both. Should I apologise? Nah, saying sorry is for wimps and people who pretend they care.

Yeah, the delay. This chapter has been languishing, completed, on my computer for a while, waiting for me to catch up with _For the Love of a Friend _which is set around the same time. It's still not damn well caught up, but tough.

Anyway, review. Next chapter, sometime. Depends on reviews.


	20. The Expectation

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Expectation**

The day passed, slowly. Extremely slowly. Even a tortoise, that was missing limbs, would have moved faster. Foolishly, I felt anticipation, but what I was waiting for, the return of my husband, didn't happen. I hadn't really expected him to return so soon, but it was hard to stifle the hope. 

I was so bored I even did some paperwork and filing without being asked; well my Captain didn't have to make the request more than once. But these activities didn't help. The chasm in my life caused by my husband going to Las Noches could not be filled by simple tasks. Every so often my mind would provide me with visions of Zaraki and I would pause, immobile.

"Give me something difficult to do, Captain Hitsugaya," I asked, pleadingly after dragging my mind back to the present. "Something less excruciatingly dull. Do you have any….."

"This is the fifth time you've asked me for something interesting and I warned you last time to stop. You need a different form of physical exercise to the one you've been experiencing with your husband. Go for a long walk, you haven't walked much in the last few days, or practice your fighting; there should be someone about who you can pester aside from me."

I could not hide my reaction to his words. I hadn't realised he was serious when he'd cautioned me the last time.

His expression changed and his voice softened slightly. "I'm sorry Matsumoto, but you've been sighing and when you weren't sighing you were asking me for something interesting and when you weren't doing either of those you've been singing under your breath. Normally I wouldn't mind, but you've been singing _Nothing Compares to You_ repeatedly. I think I prefer it when your eyes become unfocused and you wear that stunned expression. I assume you're thinking about your husband?"

I nodded, embarrassed at the description and accurate assessment. I hadn't realised I had been singing under my breath. Maybe he was right. But the song was apt. While I was thinking I became aware that I was singing the song again, without meaning to, and this time my captain sighed. "I liked that song once, but now I don't want to hear it again."

"Why don't you tell me what happened while I was gone? What's happened to Renji and Rukia?" If we chatted, maybe I could become interested in what was happening in the Seireitei and maybe forget about Zaraki for a time.

"Renji and Rukia? Of course, you wouldn't know. They snuck off, with assistance, as an unofficial advance party to Las Noches. Captain Yamamoto seemed aware that they were going and didn't expend any effort on trying to stop them," Toshiro leant back slightly in his chair his hands on the desk. That pleased me as it indicated willingness to talk.

I sat in the chair opposite, leaning forward, eager to catch up on the news. "That's so like them. What's happening about their marriage?" It was rare my Captain would talk like this.

"For some reason Rukia wants a long engagement; a very long engagement. I heard she has concerns about making the 'right' decision even though she agreed to marry Renji. The story goes that Renji wanted a speedy wedding, almost as fast as your own, but Rukia asked her brother to insist on a minimum of two year's engagement, possibly more, so that the wedding could be properly organised," the words surprised me and I could see that Toshiro was a little perplexed as well.

"That's strange. I thought she would be overjoyed and want to marry him as soon as possible, but I was always closer to Renji than Rukia. When we in the human world she seemed to vanish regularly when she wasn't at school or fighting Hollows. Renji often asked me where she was and I didn't know. You don't think that Rukia and Ichigo…No, that doesn't seem right either. They were always arguing and she didn't seem overly concerned when he disappeared or was injured. When Renji wasn't asking me about Rukia's whereabouts, Ichigo was. When she comes back I'll try to find out what's happening." I paused as I thought about the party that had left that morning. "I suppose Captain Kuchiki is one of the team because Rukia and Renji are already in Las Noches." I wondered at Rukia's decision, but knew I would not have a chance to talk to her or Renji for some time. When we were in the human world I judged she was very happy and had thought it was because she was spending so much time with Renji, but could it be possible I had been wrong?

"That's one of the reasons. There are others, but I can't discuss them at present," my captain said, pressing his lips together.

"But why was Captain Kurotsuchi included? I don't trust that man. He's a slimy and unscrupulous cockroach. I hate the way his eyes slither over me; it makes me feel dirty and I know Zaraki hates the man," I knew I should not speak so disrespectfully of the Captain but I thought Toshiro would understand.

"Hmmm. He declared it would be easier to study the Arrancar if he was a member of the mission. It was a difficult meeting when the membership of the party was being discussed. Your husband insisted on going and no one was stupid enough to refuse him. We can see he feels dishonoured by your abduction and wishes for revenge. Captain Kurotsuchi demanded that he too be included for the sake of research and yelped on about it until Yamamoto gave in just to shut the man up."

I was puzzled. When had this meeting taken place? My expression must have conveyed my confusion and Toshiro explained.

"Captain Zaraki insisted on the meeting after I came to find out how you were and then I fought him because he was nearly crazy with rage and grief. That was an interesting fight, but at least it calmed him down enough to stop him trying to kill everyone he saw. 4th Division was having trouble keeping up with the casualties. Once his anger was slightly cooled he began to plan and you know how single minded he can be. It was a fast meeting and the Captain-General seemed bemused by the speed and the events. He didn't even get a chance to chair it and I don't think he was very happy." Toshiro lips quirked into an unwilling smile. "I wish the information sessions were always like that. They tend to drag on."

Now I understood the reaction of the Captain-General when he came to 4th Division. He'd felt that Zaraki had challenged his authority, which he had. Damn, I was thinking of him again, experiencing the pang of disappointment when I remembered how long it would be before I saw him again. With any luck he would kill Aizen and come back soon, but I didn't think it would be that easy. I began to imagine his return and what we would do and resented the interruption when my Captain handed me a handkerchief. 

"You might wish to wipe that drool from your chin, Matsumoto," his voice teased.

Instinctively I wiped my chin and examined the cloth. It wasn't damp. "I wasn't drooling. I was only thinking…" but my protests died on my lips when I looked at my Captain.

Toshiro was smiling at how he had fooled me so easily. "I can't believe you fell for that."

This seemed strange. Toshiro normally did not play tricks on me, disdaining the practice. He was normally so serious and while I was pleased to see this lighter side of him, this and the revelation about his romantic problem made me wonder what other events had occurred in his life since we had returned from the human world. My life had changed irrevocably; in the most part for the good, but it struck me that Toshiro's had undergone events which had changed him. But who had influenced him to obtain a sense of humour? He always seemed so serious. I didn't think it was his unreasonable romantic interest.

"Toshiro, that is not fair," I moved close to him and embraced him, knowing all the time how much he hated it, teasing him in return. For a moment he resisted and then returned my hug. I quickly dropped my arms and backed away. My Captain hugging me? He'd only did that rarely but I saw the expression on his face and quickly hugged him again. He was hurting and needed my comfort. I stood like that hugging my captain and my friend while his arms seemed to try to adjust to me as if he were accustomed to embracing a different shape. 

"I'm sorry Matsumoto," he said grudgingly when he finally dropped his arms. "I've missed you and I was uncertain that you would be returned alive. Your husband was unwavering in his conviction that he would save you, but knowing Aizen, I was unsure."

He was very grave and in his own way he was telling me he was pleased I was alive. 

"Can you tell me about the rape now? I've only heard bits and pieces and the rumour mill will distort the facts," was the next question. 

I wished he had forgotten but should have remembered that he rarely forgot anything. Trying to retain my composure, I related the story with as few words as possible. I did not know why my captain viewed this sordid event so seriously and wished I did not have to keep reliving the experience, but all the same it hurt less to tell him than when I told Retsu, Renji or Zaraki. 

After I finished my captain was silent for a long time and I poured some water which I drank slowly. The retelling had made my throat dry and slightly raw but I had not cried. I felt a small glow of pride that this time I had not given into my normal emotional reaction to that subject. It was time to let it become the past instead of living with it against my skin, in my mind, marring my existence.

At length Toshiro spoke. "Captain Unohana protected your privacy. By rights she should have told me."

I opened my mouth to protest, but he held up his hand to silence me.

"It is easy to see why she chose to keep your secret, but it is a secret no longer." 

Looking down at my lap I saw that my hands were wrapped around each other. I wished again that I'd the strength to resist or at least kill the evil bastard later. Rape has long reaching effects on both parties, and the one who is raped can appear self confident and strong, but be a mess within. I was still a mess. 

Regular loving sex with Zaraki was beginning to change me, but it would take more time. I felt more confident of my ability to love since being with him. While the start of our relationship had been purely a sexual encounter I did not regret interrupting his bath. I only wished I'd thought of it earlier, years earlier. I wondered how long it would be until he returned. Recognising I was drifting off into a day dream of his homecoming, I dragged my thoughts away from Zaraki and his arrival.

The thoughts had made me deaf to the comments made by Toshiro and I jumped guiltily as he addressed me. "Matsumoto, there is one further problem you may have considered about this rumour spreading, as it will. And of course the abduction and your rescue."

I looked directly into his cool but concerned eyes. "Momo."

"Yes. I fear the effect on her emotions and mental stability if she does hear of this. You saw how she was today when we visited."

I only nodded in response. After visiting Momo earlier I began to fear her reaction because there would be little point in hoping the story would not eventually reach her ears once she left 4th Division. No one had yet told her of my abduction by Gin, but again some person would tell her the news when she was no longer sheltered. It was inevitable.

"Maybe I should tell her…. No. That would be a bad idea. I wish Zaraki hadn't insisted on telling Yamamoto about it. Who told you, anyway?" If I found out who it was it might be possible for me to appeal to their desire to see the next sunrise, and they'd keep it quiet, but the problem with these matters was once one person knew, the story would spread. Renji had kept his counsel and refrained from telling anyone, at least I hoped so.

"Two sources. Captain Unohana and your husband. Your husband told me Aizen had raped you after we fought and the predicament in which he found you in Hueco Mundo. Captain Unohana filled in the details when I went to visit Momo," he said heavily. "I told her I knew."

"You said you'd heard rumours!" I exclaimed. If Retsu and Zaraki had told him he should have guessed that they were telling the truth.

"Unless you confirmed it, to me it was only a rumour." His eyes regarded me with a flicker of sadness. "Your husband swore to me that he would kill Aizen no matter the cost."

My heart almost stopped beating. He would put his life at risk for vengeance? When we had been together he had promised me he'd return, that he wasn't going to die, but I knew what Zaraki was like. He may have told me that to make me agree to stay behind. "No matter the cost? Any cost is too high. He has to come back to me, Toshiro; I don't think I can bear life without him." Along with the pain I felt rage begin to build in my chest. "The man does not have the right to make that decision. I do not agree. He would know I won't agree. Damned protective, self righteous, egotistical bastard. Captain, I have to go and make him see sense. Now."

Shaking his head, either in denial or disbelief at my request, Toshiro looked at me, consternation clear in his face. "You are confined to the Seireitei by order of the Captain General, don't you remember? I do not have authority to give you permission even if I wanted to. Anyway, the passageway is heavily guarded by 2nd Division."

My anger was still increasing and I vented it on my friend. "I'm going to follow that blasted man and make him see sense; you can't damn well stop me. Zaraki will die and I'll never forgive him or you or anyone. I've only been married to the man for a few days and I was forced apart from him for a third of them. Why did he have to be so eager to go? I'll, I'll….." I tried to think of a suitable threat and couldn't. What could I do? Withhold sex? He wasn't here and I wouldn't last more than a few minutes if he kissed me or was even in the same room. Hit him? He'd only laugh and then make love to me. Yell at him? Probably the same result. Divorce him? I couldn't even think about it. I'd find him and fight him and yell at him until he saw sense, but it would mean I had to break my promise and follow him. I never meant to keep the promise anyway. My chest heaved as my anger intensified.

In the face of my rage Toshiro acted in a manner I did not expect. He laughed. I gazed at him in disbelief. How dare he laugh at me? I was serious.

"He made that vow because of you, in order to protect you. You think Zaraki will die? You've got to be out of your mind Matsumoto. He'll come back. I think if he was nearly dead he'd come back. Stop being a tragedy queen and think sensibly. Anyway we were talking about Momo." He tried assuming his cool demeanour but I could see he was still amused.

I tried to control my anger and keep my focus but I could feel my blood pounding in my ears. "Momo, always Momo. She's never been very independent. I've noticed she seems to regularly need support," I spoke without thinking, my anger spurring me on to voice my thoughts to the person who would least receptive. Realising what I'd said, I bit my tongue waiting for the reprimand.

"I thought you were her friend," was the disbelieving response from my Captain.

"I am, but I can still see her flaws. Her focus has always been very small and she has always wanted support from you, Renji, Kira and from Aizen. I always joked to myself that she had her own little fan club of attractive men. She lost Renji's attention when he realised how he felt about Rukia, but you, Kira and Aizen were always so attentive. You in particular have been very careful with Momo," if I had already offended him, I may as well be completely truthful. 

"But you have your own circle of support," he said frowning.

I nodded, but justified my comment. "You know we're only friends and I don't rely on them to help me make decisions, otherwise I would have asked their advice about Zaraki. If I had I would probably still be mooning about, grieving for Gin and drinking too much. I wonder if I would have been tempted when he came for me in Soul Society if I wasn't with Zaraki." I shuddered at the thought. Being in Hueco Mundo with a predatory Aizen and a 'lover' who did not love me was a nasty concept. Living without Zaraki was an idea I could not entertain.

In the quiet that followed my comments I could see that Toshiro was thinking intently. My ire was still simmering. "I've been overprotective," he mused. "I've known Momo for many years and ignored many things about her. She's not really feeble minded, but she does ignore things, important things. I can see why S….someone said cruel words about her." 

I did not miss the hesitation. 'Someone' had spoken to him about Momo and obviously the person had not been very complimentary. Someone whose name started with an 'S'. That narrowed the field, but I didn't know if the mysterious 'S' was his unreasonable love. I wondered briefly if she was a seated officer and if the initial related to her first or second name. Then again I might be wrong and it was an unknown friend to which he referred.

"Poor Momo will hear eventually about both matters. It will not be pleasant for her to hear these truths," he said slowly.

"It wasn't very pleasant for me," I said, my anger being renewed by his casual disregard for my experiences. Poor Momo?

Captain Hitsugaya coughed suddenly. "I think we need some tea."

"Don't try and change the subject Captain. I'll make the tea if you try to be a little more detached."

His face grew rigid. "You could follow your own advice, Lieutenant. I made the comment without considering your reaction, it is true, but you are more resilient than Momo and you're recovering, aren't you?" he observed reminding me once more of how protective he was of the girl.

"Aside from the recurring memory loss, the absence of my husband, the memory of being trapped between Gin and Aizen as they prepared to rape me, my near death and being accused of being a traitor, I'm just dandy," I said, giving into my need to remind him that Momo was not the only person who had suffered.

My moves were erratic as I tried to pour the hot water into the teapot, blinking against the tears in my eyes, angry at Toshiro, still furious at my husband for being prepared to risk everything and ashamed at my outburst of self pity. I didn't want to be like this. 

The kettle was taken from my hands. "Sit down Matsumoto. You'll pour boiling water over your skin if you are not careful.'

Relinquishing the kettle to Toshiro I sat down and breathed steadily trying to calm my emotions. Brooding over my problems did not make them any better. 

"I apologise," my captain said setting the tea in front of me once it had brewed to his satisfaction. "Momo always seems to want pity and you reject it. I meant what I said about you having more resilience. Momo falls apart when faced with difficult situations. I don't believe she would be either sane or alive if she had experienced what you have, but I have always tried to protect her, emotionally and physically."

I picked up the cup and drank as quickly as the hot liquid would permit not wishing to respond. My captain was still standing beside me and placed his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off. He sighed. "Matsumoto. I'll give you the rest of the afternoon off if you want but we have to work this out now."

"No we don't. Momo will just have to live with it, whenever she finds out. Maybe it will make her realise that Aizen is an evil man, not the saviour of the Seireitei," the bitterness I was feeling leaked into my voice. I had returned to work after nearly dying and Momo was still holed up in 4th Division weeks after her near death. I ignored the fact I had left 4th Division, against the judgement of Retsu, to be with my husband. What did facts matter when I was in this frame of mind? They would make being sorry for myself more difficult. 

"It might break your friendship," Toshiro said, voicing the other fact I was managing to block.

I knew all this, I had known it earlier and I didn't want to think about any of it. His reminder brought all my barely repressed feelings to the fore and I cracked. "Shut up, Captain. Shut up, Toshiro. Shut up, shut up, shut up," I screamed and burst into furious tears, rocking back and forth hugging my arms to my stomach. I wanted Zaraki; I didn't want to remember that I might forget him, that my unwanted experiences might hurt people I cared about. I was a prisoner, trapped by love, friendship and duty. It seemed so unfair that I had to feel like this. All my brave thoughts and the resolution not to cry made me feel worse because I could not ignore my emotions.

Over the sounds of my sobbing I heard the door open and footsteps enter the room.

"Ran, dear Ran, what's the matter?" A pair of familiar arms hugged me, holding me tight which interfered with my rocking.

"Everything's wrong and Toshiro is an idiot," I told Shunsui, gratingly. I immediately recognised his cologne and voice and relaxed into his known hug. "Zaraki is an idiot too. And a bastard. All men are idiots and bastards."

He continued holding me, patting me gently on the back until my harsh sobbing eased as it always did when he comforted me. "All women are sluts and fools," he rejoined once I was calmer, laughter in his voice.

That comment made me snap out of the well of self pity in which I was foundering. He always knew how to lighten the mood. I laughed and wiping my eyes remarked, "I thought we'd agreed on babes and bimbos."

My poor captain looked confused and Shunsui explained. "Ran has a habit of calling the whole male race idiots and bastards or some other combination when she's upset or has been drinking, or both. It began after Ichimaru severed their relationship and she was hurting pretty badly. Her generalisations put a bit of a cramp in our evenings until we decided to generalise about women in the same way. She liked bitches, or babes and bimbos because it's alliterative. We'd keep generalising until we ended up forgetting which generalisations were used, it could get pretty funny. Didn't you say something about all men wanting to be …."

I interrupted not wishing to be reminded of that particular sweeping statement. "Why are you here?" I had not expected to see Shunsui here, but I was so pleased to see him. 

"He's come to see me," Toshiro said. His face was flushed and I think my display of emotion had shocked him. I had never yelled at him before or displayed such hysteria. Immediately I felt penitent.

I stood and bowed low to him. "Will you please accept my humble apologies? What I said was incorrect and I did not mean the slur on your intelligence. I will accept my reprimand and punishment."

"We won't mention it again." My captain was very dignified in his response and then gave me a tentative smile. 

"Actually, Ran, while you're here maybe you can help. We're trying to devise a way to get Yamamoto interested in Nanao," Shunsui said quickly cutting in before I could inform my captain of my appreciation. 

I lifted an eyebrow. The time had come and I had been expecting this. Nanao could be annoying, she didn't mean to be and she did mean well. It was evident that she saw her captain's welfare as important. However her method of dealing with Shunsui was one he found abrasive. While he appreciated her good qualities, she did tend to try to direct all aspects of his life. Her overbearing nature had become worse since the traitors had left. 

"Yamamoto? That won't be easy. Have you thought of someone who might be easier, like his lieutenant?" What were they thinking?

"It has to be a captain, at least. Toshiro has told me he's not interested, you married Kenpachi, Jushiro doesn't like her and we know his interest lies elsewhere, Byakuya is just impossible, Mayuri is too peculiar and I don't think Nanao would be interested in Sajin," Shunsui grinned as he outlined his reasoning.

"What about Captain Fong," I said without thinking.

"No," said Toshiro quickly. 

"Nanao doesn't swing that way," Shunsui said quickly. "I know. She was in my bed the night you got married, when I finally came home. Fortunately she was asleep, so I snuck off elsewhere."

I shook my head, understanding Shunsui's urgency. But when had he become friends with my Captain? Was he the mysterious 'S' who had said uncomplimentary things about Momo?

* * *

A.N.

This story takes place around the same time and in the same AU as_ For the Love of a Friend. _Events in that story impact on the events that take place in this one and vice versa. To understand it, you have to read both. 

I have decided not to wait until _For the Love of a Friend_ catches up. I don't want to rush writing that story or delay this one.

Rukia and Ichigo? Hell, no! Too predictable. 

One reviewer asked for a soundtrack for this chapter, or at least some of the things I listened to as I wrote the thing.

Soundtrack to this chapter: 

'Nothing Compares to You' Sinead O'Connor (of course)

'One More Time' Daft Punk

'Heart and Soul' Joy Division

'Don't Think' Weirdo

Oh, yeah. Review. No reviews and I become irritated and won't update.


	21. The Meal

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

A.N.

Thought I'd put it here for a change.

Soundtrack

'In the Waiting Line' Zero 7

'Domain' Future Sounds of London

'Nightmares by the Sea' Jeff Buckley

Thank you to the people who have taken the time to leave feedback.

Review. I like reviews.

**The Meal**

I laughed gently. "You were expecting that. Last time you talked to me you told me you thought she would make that move soon. Have you ever thought of telling her that you love someone else?" That was a tactic he had used in the past with other women who were pursuing him.

His smile was rueful as he pushed his hat to the back of his head. "I'd told her that I was chasing you. She found that easy to believe because we spent so much time together, but then you married Kenpachi and no one would believe you'd be stupid enough to be unfaithful to him. Only someone seeking a quick and painful death would approach you now."

I thought about it and knew he was speaking the truth as he saw it. All the same, even though he knew I had married Zaraki, Gin had still decided to abduct me. He normally did not do things that stupid; he rarely made that sort of error. Our conversation in Hueco Mundo seemed wrong too, almost as wrong as the conversation I had with Aizen when he was pretending to be Zaraki. In the time we had been together before he dumped me, before the rape, Gin had never slapped me or punched me. We'd fought on a number of occasions, but mainly with words. Obviously his exposure to the Arrancar had changed him, or maybe Aizen had contaminated him through prolonged exposure. Why was I thinking of Gin? I hadn't thought about it when I was trapped with him because I was terrified. I didn't like the way my mind was throwing random thoughts at me.

Shaking my head as if that would dispel the unwelcome memories, I tried to concentrate on my friend's problem. For some reason I began to think about the human world and one of the programs I'd watched gave me an idea. "Can Nanao cook?" I asked excitedly.

Shunsui scratched his nose. "Characterize cook," he said with interest.

"Can she cook a meal? Food. Preferably edible." Cooking was cooking as long as you could eat the result. I didn't expect the woman to be cordon bleu.

"Um, well, ur. I don't know," he confessed with a guilty look on his face.

Toshiro and I looked at him in shock. How could he not know? They'd known each other for many years, over a century.

"Nanao asks me over for dinner, regularly, but I always find an excuse. The one time I did go, I sort of got called away. You remember, Ran. You were the one who interrupted and you were an hour earlier than we arranged." He accused me with a very stern look on his face while his eyes twinkled with laughter.

"But I thought she would have brought you biscuits, cakes or something," I protested weakly.

Sighing gustily he shook his head. "Nope. Nothing."

"Well, let's pretend we know she can cook. What you do is ask her to cook you a meal, then invite the Captain General," this was a solution, maybe not a good one.

"And then what?"

"You don't turn up; send a message that you had some crisis that only you could handle come up. Say you'll try to make it, but they shouldn't wait. Send a few bottles of wine and sake, asking that they keep one bottle of sake for you. That will make them think you intend to join them, but you won't." At least it would get Nanao and Yamamoto in the same room and the drink might loosen them up.

Toshiro looked at me understanding dawning on his face. "You forced me to watch that program in the human world. I hated it because it seemed so contrived. It won't work."

"Don't be so quick, Toshiro. It might because it seems an original idea to me. Don't dismiss the idea. It's better than anything we've come up with. I'll do it, tomorrow. I mean I'll organise it tomorrow. If this works out Ran, I'll send a case of sake over as a reward and a wedding present. Getting her off my back would be great. Let's drink to that." He turned to where I kept my sake and I wondered how he knew it was there. "Do you want some, Ran?"

My first reaction was agreement, but then I suddenly felt tired. "I think I better go back to Zaraki's place. I need to sleep. Maybe tomorrow we can have that drink."

Toshiro immediately got to his feet. "I have to walk you back, that's the agreement."

"I'll come too, I suppose. I've got nothing else to do and it's a pleasant time of day for a walk. That way everyone will be certain that you are being protected, or monitored, whichever they want to believe. What about food, Ran? Will you cook for us?" Shunsui asked hopefully. His eyes seemed to light up at the thought of food and I know he dearly loved it when I agreed to cook.

Of course I was hungry as I had only had those buns earlier in the day. "I don't even know if there is any food," I protested. "I don't think I've even been in the kitchen," I said and then realising the admission I'd made, I blushed.

Toshiro and Shunsui looked at each other, eyebrows raised and Shunsui burst into laughter. "You've been with the Captain, how long, and you've never been into the kitchen? Why is that, Ran?"

I dropped my eyes and mumbled. "I don't know." My cheeks got hotter as Shunsui sniggered and then I wondered why I was embarrassed. I was married to Zaraki and we had sex. Everyone knew that. From the first time it had not been a secret and why should I be bashful? Raising my eyes I stared at both of them, deciding there was no reason to be shy. "I haven't had time and whatever you're imagining is probably correct. So what? I married the man and I love him. He didn't marry me to get a housekeeper."

"I'm sure he didn't," said Toshiro and I noticed his eyes were sparkling with amusement.

"Let your lurid mind run wild, Shunsui. We both know you're jealous. I'll cook, but you have to buy the food. I feel like something healthy, like a stir fry. Vegetables and some meat and rice," I decided aloud.

"You come and choose the stuff," he said imploringly. "You know I hate shopping by myself."

That was how I found myself choosing food and crossing the threshold of Zaraki's kitchen for the first time. It was spartan. The walls were white, stark white, and the colour made me wince a little as it reminded me of the colour of the walls in Hueco Mundo. There were no scrolls or decorations only an empty, vase standing on the table. From a quick glance I wondered how often the room had been used since Zaraki had moved in, but why would he cook? There were very few cooking utensils; the shelves contained some staples, and snack foods. To the right of the cooking area there was the table I had noticed earlier with some cushions spread around it. Bare, it might be, but it was functional and at least it was clean. I shook my head, wondering about my husbands' eating habits. I knew he liked good food.

In the corner of the room was a pile of baskets and boxes. Glancing at it curiously I saw a familiar bowl and nodded, understanding that this was where the items from my kitchen had been placed. I would unpack and arrange them tomorrow. Tonight I did not have the time or the energy.

At least everything worked and even though I wanted to sit at the table and relax, I busied myself, tying my hair up, to keep it out of the way, and trying to find the items I needed. I felt a momentary pang of sadness that I was not cooking my first meal in this kitchen for my husband. That thought made me smile as I remembered the conversation we had about expectations the day we married. He had assured me then he didn't expect me to cook for him but now I wished he was the person for whom I was preparing this meal.

"I'll do the rice," Toshiro offered, "As long as you don't want me to make sushi." He grimaced slightly.

Smiling at him, I nodded, curious as to when my captain had learnt to cook rice. He must have noticed my look and said, "I made the sushi for the party, well, mostly."

I remembered the sushi; it had been amateur, but nice. The confession touched me.

"I'll cut the vegetables," Shunsui had already removed his coat and hat and was reaching for the chopping board. "I hope the knives are sharp."

'Of course the knives in this kitchen are sharp," a familiar voice informed us.

"I'll cut the meat," a different voice offered. Looking toward the doorway I noticed Yumichika and Ikkaku standing there, arms folded, both with one eyebrow raised satirically as they observed us. Feeling safe in the company of two Captains and in the 11th Division compound, I had forgotten to lock the door. With Zaraki in Hueco Mundo, I had not thought Gin would come to visit again, at least I denied the possibility. I was not surprised to see Zaraki's trusted companions in his kitchen.

"I think we should remain and chaperone," Ikkaku said smiling widely. "I don't want my Captain's bride to be alone with two men in the kitchen." He nodded briefly to Shunsui and Toshiro.

"But being with four men is okay? And I'm with my Captain," I protested weakly, but didn't really care if they stayed. Having them there made me almost believe that Zaraki would turn up any minute demanding a kiss, or something more.

"We were given strict instructions that we were to watch over you," Yumichika said, taking the knife from my hand and slicing the meat finely. He was fast and his moves were deft and neat. "There are plenty of ingredients and if we all help the meal will be ready quickly. Ikkaku, find the wok, I know it's here somewhere and then set the table."

The kitchen was too small for five people to be working within it, so once he located the wok, and set the table, Ikkaku sat at the table where he was quickly joined by Yumichika and Shunsui once they had finished chopping and slicing. It was soothing to just have to push the food around the wok, adding a few seasonings and then making sure it cooked. Toshiro made the rice and within 15 minutes we were all sitting down at the table, eating. I was offered sake or beer, but instead drank water. Tired as I was I realised that alcohol would make me fall asleep quickly.

"What's married life like, Ran?" my sly friend asked. His lightly bearded face wore it's sleepy, teasing look.

It was evident he was trying to embarrass me, but I knew that was his purpose. "You could always marry Nanao and find out," I replied sweetly, demurely lowering my eyelashes. I could pretend to be coy when necessary. "I'm sure she would accept your hand and heart and then we could swap notes. And then we can compare notes with Renji and Rukia. I'm sure they'll marry when they return."

Yumichika looked thunderstruck. "Are you su…..going to marry your lieutenant?" He stuttered, uncharacteristically ill at ease. His eyes were fixed feverishly to Captain Kyoraku, glittering in the light.

"No. Our dear hostess is making a joke, not a funny one," Shunsui's face had gone tight and the easy smile vanished at the question.

"Oh," Yumichika looked perplexed until Ikkaku nudged him in the ribs.

"If you're not hungry, I'll eat that for you," the offer seemed genuine and Ikkaku's hand was reaching to remove the bowl from in front of his friend.

Yumichika began to eat quickly, his head bent over his bowl. He did not appear to taste what he was eating seemingly deep in thought. I observed him for a few minutes, wondering what was on his mind. I wanted to ask, but now was not the best time. There were many volatile emotions and desires that existed under the serene surface of the Seireitei.

"I wonder how the mission is going," I said, trying to change the subject but mentioning it made me dwell on Zaraki. I started planning a meal for his return and my mind drifted on to other interesting matters as I felt my eyes begin to close, to allow me to visualise it more intensely. A touch on my hand made me blink and I looked at my Captain.

"Your food is getting cold," was his explanation for the interruption to my thoughts. As I re-commenced eating, I noticed he was right.

"Honestly, Ran, I've been trying to talk to you. What were you thinking about? You've been spacing out for 10 minutes, at least," Shunsui asked his curiosity evident in his voice.

"Zaraki," I said not really thinking about the answer. Why did I need to hide the truth?

"At least she didn't start drooling or singing, this time," my Captain said. "Gentlemen, please forgive my lieutenant."

"She's in lurve, sweet, sweet lurve," Shunsui drawled in a sing-song voice, winking at me.

Ikkaku was laughing. "Ran, I'll have to tell my captain when he returns. It might make him feel flattered."

"No, you will not, or I'll tell him what I know, and the other interested parties," I said firmly, rallying slightly. I knew his secret, though he had tried to hide it, mainly because he had confided me one drunken night in the human world when the sake had flowed freely and Yumichika had passed out.

He blanched slightly, knowing I could make the story grow in the telling. "I won't say a thing."

"I hear that I owe you anyway." I maintained eye contact with the man as I decided to make him squirm further. Previously rumours abounded that I was sex mad. His indiscretion in front of my husband's division would not have done anything to quell those spicy titbits of gossip. "It's reassuring to know that nearly everyone in the Seireitei has become familiar with that 'encounter' in Soul Society, which you overheard. Allow me to return the favour sometime, Ikkaku."

Yumichika looked up from his empty bowl, finally joining in the conversation. "It was a bad idea to tell anyone, and you basically told the whole division. I know our Captain doesn't mind, but I think you better apologise. I remember the expression on her face." He turned to me and quietly remarked, "I'd never seen your wisdom teeth before then, Ran. You keep them nice and clean."

Chuckling, Shunsui leant over the table, gesturing to me with his chopsticks. "I wondered where that rumour started. So it is based on fact. Really, Ran. I'm shocked. Such wanton behaviour in a public place!"

"We'd only got married that morning and we were interrupted," was my protest and then I realised what I was saying, but what did it matter? Hell, Shunsui was probably imagining all sorts of things and Ikkaku had overheard us in Soul Society. What would anyone expect a newly married couple to be doing? Playing tiddlywinks, or having an intense discussion about the best ways to defeat the Arrancar?

"Too much information," Toshiro said. "I think we should discuss something else."

As he spoke I yawned loudly, covering my mouth with my hand. I wasn't intending to be rude, but I was very tired and while the food helped, I needed sleep.

"Sleepy, Ran?" Yumichika asked attentive and intent.

I nodded as another yawn assailed me. "Yes, very tired. I haven't had a lot of sleep since the party." The four men exchanged glances and looked at me guiltily. For a moment I wondered why they looked like that and then realised what they were thinking. "I don't blame anyone except Gin and Aizen. I was drugged too. I still feel bad that Zaraki didn't rescue Orihime and that Yachiru was hurt."

"My lieutenant feels guilty she didn't stop Ichimaru, especially after she tried to make the Cap…. Um, yeah. It's one of the reasons she was so keen to go to Hueco Mundo. I think she wants to return the favour, keep an eye on the Captain and try to make it up to you." Ikkaku stammered.

I saw perspiration bead his forehead and knew I had to probe further. "She tried to make Zaraki, what?" When did she have a chance to do anything?

"When you were in the human world, she kept drawing his attention to any attractive female Shinigami. In fact she made the two of us accompany her to see him after he brought you home the first time, to tell him you were a bad idea. But he wouldn't listen; in fact he kicked us out very fast, and told us it was none of our business. Yachiru told me, after we got back, that every woman she tried to get him interested in, he rejected saying that he wasn't attracted as he already had someone he had sworn to be faithful to and he didn't break promises." Ikkaku gabbled the words and I recalled when I had returned to Zaraki that first day he had told me that Captain Kuchiki had not been the only person who had tried to persuade him that he was making a mistake. "Don't think badly of her. She's very protective of the Captain and was concerned that you were using him."

Suddenly it all made sense. "I know she cares about him and I don't think badly of her. How could I? She tried to stop Gin from taking me and nearly died. In fact she did me a favour because Zaraki's so stubborn. When she tried to change his mind about me, he became more determined to wait for me," I said and yawned again. My eyes were drooping and I rubbed my face, trying to wake up.

"Go to bed, Ran. We'll clean up. You don't mind if we drink the Captain's sake, do you?" Ikkaku urged me.

"Leave the good quality sake. I know he prefers that. I can't go to bed, the kitchen's a mess and I have to secure the door," I murmured, longing to sleep.

"We secured the door when we came in and we're staying here tonight, and every night the Captain's away, or at least we'll take it in turn. Special instructions. Ikkaku, go and get the mats that the Captain keeps for us. There are only two, so we'll have to improvise." Yumichika instructed.

Ikkaku nodded and left the room returning swiftly, giving me a strange look as he returned to his place at the table. "Make sure you fasten the bedroom door and don't open the window. Don't worry, you'll be safe." The words were uttered without inflection and I wondered what he had seen that had disconcerted him.

My mind wasn't working very well. I nodded, got to my feet and walked to the bedroom, fastening the door behind. Then I looked at the bed and felt like crying as I realised what Ikkaku had seen. The sheets were the ones that had been on the bed the previous night and I could see the bloodstains from where I had lost my virginity. The man had a talent for finding out our secrets and I wondered how I could explain it, or if I must.

With difficulty I changed the sheets, folding the ruined ones neatly, hiding them amongst the pile of my belongings in the bedroom, and then quickly used the bathroom. I grasped it would be best if I wore something, but I didn't want to wear anything of mine. My eyes fell on the shirt Zaraki had been wearing the previous day and picking it up, I put it on requiring any sort of contact with the man. Love was Hell. Needing someone so much hurt. The shirt was long enough to reach past my thighs and it was very large, even on me. Wearing it, I could inhale his scent, pretend he was holding me and that made me feel better. I slipped on a pair of knickers and I climbed into bed, feeling more relaxed and fell asleep.

I didn't know how long I'd been asleep when I felt warm hands pull the shirt apart and then begin to caress my breasts lingering over the nipples and then touching, sliding over the sides and back, the returning to tease my nipples erect. I knew those hands; they were the hands I longed for. "Zaraki," I breathed and opened my eyes to see the large figure of my husband looming over me. I couldn't see him clearly in the dimness of the room, but I could smell him and only one man had touched me like that: urgency, lust and passion combined with a tinge of gentleness.

"Becoming a transvestite in my absence, are you woman? I think I'll have to remind you of the difference between a woman and a man," he told me pulling the sheet down.

"But you're still dressed," I said accepting he was there. I reached up to touch his face, to assure my mind that it was truly he. It didn't matter how he got there, all that mattered was he was back with me. "Did you wake Ikkaku or Yumichika as you came home? Was the mission a success? Is Aizen dead?"

"That's not important right now, is it, Matsumoto? I'm here, you're here, let's fuck." He moved between my legs, pushing them apart. Quickly shredding my underwear his mouth engulfed my clit, sucking and licking simultaneously and I gasped. This was not the teasing foreplay I expected, but meant to bring me to full arousal in seconds, which it did.

"I thought I told you to be oiled and ready, wife. You're not being very obedient," He said as he simultaneously moved up my body and thrust into me.

It was happening too fast. I wanted him, there was no possible way I could deny that, and feeling his hard erection penetrate me so swiftly made me struggle for breath, but he was still fully dressed and I was half awake, but so aroused. He began to take me with hard, fast thrusts, and my body responded while I longed for the feeling of his mouth on mine. I wanted to feel his skin against mine, see his eyes devouring me. I needed to touch his flesh with my hands as he drove into me. I would come soon, but I wanted more than the orgasm. Finally I understood his words that first night we were together. All sex was the good part.

"Kiss me, beloved husband," I said, opening my eyes, wanting to see his face.

Suddenly the rhythm of the sex changed and the man above me began to hurt me. I didn't know what was happening and I cringed under the assault of his thrusts as it reminded me of something unpleasant I had experienced before. His penis became a weapon of pain. What was happening?

"Why would I kiss you?" Aizen replied. "It is fascinating how you appeared to be enjoying this, Ran, until you asked me to kiss you. I wondered if you'd respond if I pretended to be your husband and you did. He's dead by the way and Gin is waiting for me to finish. We got a few Arrancar who seemed interested in raping a Shinigami, but I'll let Gin have you first."

The light came on and the sight that was revealed made it evident that I was still in Hueco Mundo. I saw the stark white walls, the symmetry of the room and the bars across the windows. The man raping me smiled cruelly, enjoying my shock and dismay. I tried to shut my eyes to block out the sight of the man I hated, but they refused to close. This was too much to bear, being in this place, under this man, and I screamed. Aizen slapped me hard across the face, two, three times. "I like it when you scream. It was so easy to convince you that you had been rescued by your husband. I've enjoyed fucking you while pretending to be him, but I don't understand why he was gentle with you and it bores me now. You need to be used, treated viciously."

As I tried to comprehend what he said my mind could not accept the words. I'd been having sex with Aizen, voluntarily, because I thought he was Zaraki? That was impossible. I'd lost my virginity to Aizen and he was going to hand me over to Gin and the Arrancar? None of this could be true. I was struggling against him, hitting out at him, biting at him, punching him, thrashing, trying to force him out of my body, attempting to push him off me, but all my exertions had no effect. He didn't seem to notice and the continual pounding of his body into mine was agonising. I was screaming, protesting against the pain, sobbing at the loss of my reason to live and the death of my love.

"Matsumoto, wake up," I felt someone was tugging at my shoulder pulling hard. I hit out at Aizen, my arms flailing, and felt my fist punch something, hard. "That hurt! Good thing that was my shoulder and not my face," the voice chided me. "It's me. Calm down, lieutenant."

I sat up with a start to find the bedroom door broken and four men standing in my room with their zanpaku to's unsheathed. My Captain was shaking me awake with one hand while the other rubbed the shoulder I had punched. The other three men were scanning the room.

"What the hell is going on? We were sleeping and then you started screaming like a banshee," Shunsui, his voice tinged with anger, asked as he checked the bathroom.

"Aizen. He was pretending to be Zaraki and was raping me again. He told me Zaraki was dead," I said, shuddering in fear as the words juddered out of my mouth, so disturbed by the dream that I couldn't hide my fears, or prevent the tears streaming down my face.

Shunsui immediately came and hugged me close. "Nightmares. There was no one here. We had to break the door to get inside. Oh, Ran, poor, Ran. You're still not over it."

"I assume that means you haven't lost your memory today. That's one thing I don't have to think about, but when I came into the room I could have sworn I saw a shadowy figure bent over you." Toshiro sounded grave. "It vanished as soon as we came into the room."

Ikkaku and Yumichika checked the rest of the room, while my Captain opened the window and stared out of it. I saw the sun was rising, the sky bathed in the colour that tinged the clouds but I shivered at the chill of the morning air. Looking down I saw I was clad in Zaraki's shirt which was fastened. In spite of being embraced, I hugged the clothing tightly against me, wishing I could feel his arms around me. It was nice that Shunsui was hugging me, but he wasn't Zaraki.

The night in 4th Division had sent me dreams that might have been as bad as the one I had just experienced, but Zaraki had soothed me each time one of the dreams had started finishing them quickly so they didn't take over. The aftermath of the nightmare strengthened my resolve to join him. Being apart from him any longer could not be borne.

"I can't see anything to show that anyone was here," Ikkaku said. He still seemed unable to look at me.

"It was a nightmare. You've heard the rumours about what happened between that bastard Aizen and Ran," Shunsui explained to Ikkaku and Yumichika.

I was devastated to see them nod in acknowledgement but knew it was too late to change anything. I'd actually admitted the truth to everyone in the room and from his comments I guessed that Shunsui had known longer than the last few days. It was possible he had guessed, or someone had told him. People would forget in time, maybe I would too, but the recent events had recalled the dreams I'd had of Aizen after the rape.

"Seeing you're awake, and after hearing those screams I don't think I'll go back to sleep, we should go and see Hanatoro," my Captain said decisively. Thinking about it, I knew that the walk would help exorcise the last vestiges of my nightmare.

"I think I'll go and try to catch up on my sleep. It's not easy sharing two sleeping mats amongst four people, nor was it very comfortable. Get some more mats, or something for next time." Shunsui said.

"But you didn't have to stay overnight. I don't plan to have people sleeping over every night," I protested, wondering why both my Captain and Shunsui were still there.

"Either Yumichika or I have to sleep in these quarters until our Captain returns. We may as well be comfortable," Ikkaku said, letting his practical nature show.

"We were drinking, drowning our sorrows and talking, you know how it is. I had no reason to go home, fearing what I might find in my bed and Toshiro here drank too much. You snore when you've been drinking," Shunsui teased my captain who flushed at the observation.

Yumichika sighed as he observed the broken door. "I can see we'll have to do some work today. The cleaning staff didn't come yesterday and I'll find out why today. We need the door repaired and we'll make the other room into a temporary bedroom. It's a good thing there's another bathroom, but then my captain does like to keep clean. He was talking about installing a proper bath in the other bathroom."

That last comment made my heart hitch in my chest. I was so pleased he hadn't done so before this or I would never have interrupted him.

"I have a few ideas about some changes I would like to make," I admitted thinking about my reaction to the kitchen, "But I have to think about them. Now could you please leave the room? I need to dress."

Very quickly the room emptied and I washed and changed in the bathroom, making sure the door was closed. The day stretched endlessly in front of me and brushing my hair I felt a touch of despair, more than a touch. Zaraki had left the previous day and already I was feeling a lack of steadiness resulting from his absence.

I left the bedroom and made my way to the kitchen where I could hear voices conversing.

"Breakfast, Ran," Shunsui said as I entered the kitchen.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked the four men who were in my kitchen.

"Because you've had a hard time of it," Shunsui said.

"Our Captain insisted," Ikkaku began, leaning on the bench, his eyes sincere.

'And you're our friend," Yumichika finished. He grinned at me, obviously remembering a few of our discussions in the human world when I tried to get information about Zaraki. Both had managed to get me to buy them many drinks and other items in exchange for anything they would tell me.

"I missed you," Toshiro said.

I was touched and after we finished breakfast, I left with my Captain. Ikkaku and Yumichika were removing the broken door while Shunsui wandered off, yawning and scratching his chin.

"I'll visit Momo while I'm at 4th Division," I suggested to my Captain. It seemed the most sensible plan and in my heart I hoped she had come to her senses. Toshiro found her erratic behaviour upsetting, as did I.

"This time I think it would be best if we visited her separately. I would like to talk to Iemura and Hanatoro about a few things I've noticed," Toshiro looked very solemn.

I nodded in response as we entered the main complex of 4th Division and seeing Iemura, I immediately approached him so he could perform the tests Retsu required. As he worked, I briefly explained about the dreams I was having and wondered aloud if there was anything I could do. I saw his expression change.

"Dreams. You've given me something to think about," he said. "Did you wish to visit Lieutenant Hinamori? I was talking to her earlier and it appears that knowing she is carrying Captain Aizen's child has caused her to have a breakthrough. You'll find a very different patient to the one you saw earlier. She's very popular; a number of people from different Divisions visited her yesterday and some this morning. If you do see her, try to help her remain calm. It took some time for both Hanatoro and I to quiet her down yesterday after your visit. She does recall that you are married and that she is pregnant. It's a relief for all of us that she is finally recovering." He finished the tests and told me I could leave as there was nothing unusual, just a slight fluctuation in my blood count which he assured me was unimportant.

The news made me feel better. Momo was recovering and that was good. I did not suppress the smile on my face as I entered her room. Even though it was early she was keeling on the floor, facing the doorway. Her eyes flashed as I entered the room and I wondered why, but her lips smiled at me.

"So nice of you to visit me, Ran. I thought you'd be too busy with your husband, oh, but that's right, he's not here at the moment," her voice was husky and looking at her face I noticed her eyes were puffy and red.

I felt a rush of compassion; she'd been crying. I answered her gently, "Of course I'll visit you, Momo. We're friends. I've been worried about you," I told her honestly. The guilty knowledge that I had ignored her since I'd been with Zaraki assailed me. "Please, forgive me for not visiting very often."

She dismissed my apology. "Sit down, Ran, close to me. We have so much to discuss. I want to hear what's been happening in your life."

Automatically I sat opposite, pleased to see her almost back to normal. It would be nice to have a chance to catch up, find out how she felt about the pregnancy and if she planned to go ahead with it. "Nothing much, aside from getting married," I told her. "What about you?"

"Nothing much has occurred since yesterday. Let's talk about some gossip I heard? Do you want to talk about the weather, Renji's engagement or compare notes about fucking Captain Aizen; my Captain Aizen? How could you do it?" Her face twisted with fury but her hands were lying flat on her knees, the wide sleeves of her robe almost covering them completely. I wondered why her hands seemed relaxed while she was consumed by anger.

I felt the air gush out of me. Momo knew, someone had told her and she was angry. "He raped me." Keep it simple. Iemura and Hanatoro would not be happy I had upset their patient so quickly.

"Rape? Who could rape you? I've heard the stories but I know it was your idea. You made up your mind to get another captain after your one true love dumped you and chose my Captain to spite me. You probably begged him, all the time knowing I loved him and that, given time, he would love me," every word made me flinch. This was seriously distorted and I was becoming a little wary of her vehemence.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you Momo. It was something I didn't want to admit to anyone," I tried to explain. Apologising about being raped did not seem normal, but I wanted to calm her down.

Momo continued, obviously not listening to me. "You must have kept working at it and eventually you got another Captain. Good choice there, by the way. Only you would be desperate enough to marry that brute. Then your lover abducted you and your 'husband' rescued you in the nick of time. I find that very hard to believe and so very convenient. You were probably welcoming both Aizen and Gin, and who knows how many others, into your disgusting body while you were in Las Noches. I am the one who belongs with my Captain. I am the one Captain Aizen loves and he will keep me close, protecting me, cherishing me. I will be his bride." She quickly rose to her feet still talking, bending close to me, her face inches from mine. "Akon was here. He explained everything because his Captain told him that I would only hear the lies. He thinks it is important I know the truth," she said as she stabbed at me with a small knife I had not seen concealed in her hand.

Momo may not have been the best fighter, but she attacked with amazing speed. I scrambled to my feet, raising my arm to deflect the blow from my chest and the sting of the knife as it cut my flesh dwindled to nothing as her other hand quickly stabbed at me with a second, larger knife. I looked down disbelievingly to see the knife sticking out of my chest. It remained there only for a second before I grasped the hilt, ripping it free of my body, only then noticing Momo was preparing to stab me again with the smaller knife. My brain seemed to be working strangely. I could react to her moves but it only dawned on me that that she'd stabbed me after I was preparing to dodge her next attack.

Abruptly my assailant was grabbed from behind and I glimpsed Toshiro holding his raging, struggling friend as she screamed, the knife flashing in her hands as she twisted in his grasp. "Let me kill her. The blade is poisoned and she will die, she will die."

"Quick, Iemura, Hanatoro. Momo's stabbed Matsumoto," my Captain yelled loudly and I heard the thud of running feet approaching. He uttered a binding spell to restrain Momo, but she continued to fight against him.

People rushed into the room. Pressing my hands against my chest, the pain beating at me in waves, my legs refused to support me. "Not again," the words crossed my mind as I slumped to the floor, the blood spilling out between my fingers. This day was not starting well.


	22. The Confession

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Confession**

Waking up in 4th Division, I made a decision. I was fed up with being assaulted, abducted and generally aggravated. That would stop, starting now. My failure to protect myself from Momo, or to even anticipate that she planned to kill me, was due to compassion and our long friendship. Her attack was unexpected, but in retrospect, it made sense. The obsession with Aizen, her mental instability since his attempt to kill her, her rejection of reality and then the toxin planted in her mind by the representative of the 12th Division's Captain. It was becoming evident that he wanted me dead, but for what reason? Had Kurotsuchi's emissary given Momo the knives? Were they really poisoned and was I going to die?

Reluctantly I opened my eyes, knowing I would not see the beloved face I missed. Just another ceiling in another room that was empty of Zaraki. Another day to pass, longing for him. Obsession was all very well, but I had to think about something else. I'd spent enough time feeling need for him. Maybe I could take up a hobby of some kind. Flower arranging? Kendo? Or working toward bankai? I touched my chest, wondering about the injury.

"There won't be a scar. The blade did not pierce you deeply," a gentle voice assured me, Hanatoro's voice.

That was reassuring because I was very sure that if I had been scarred Zaraki would have been slightly irritated, in the way that a detonation of a thermo-nuclear device is a minor explosion. "What about the poison?"

"We have the antidote. We have antidotes to all the toxins developed within 12th Division. Captain Unohana makes certain of that." His cool hand touched my forehead. "No fever. You can sleep or rise. I can bring some food if you're hungry."

I sat up but felt a little dizzy. Hanatoro hesitantly put his arm around my shoulders to steady me and I smiled at him. "Thanks. How long have I been unconscious?"

"Only a day. It took a little while for the toxin to work through your system. Captain Hitsugaya is waiting outside. He'd like to see you."

I nodded and soon Toshiro was in the room looking at me with concern. "I'm sorry."

Why was he apologising? He had tried to stop Momo from killing me. It was probably the speed of his arrival that saved me. "No need. Is… is Momo okay?"

Toshiro did not look at me or attempt to answer my question. "I feel that I'm to blame. It had been pointed out to me that she was not…." he hesitated, "but I didn't think she'd turn violent; she normally hates fighting. Everyone had been warned not to tell her about your abduction until she had settled down. 12th Division is now under the direct command of the Captain-General and Akon is in the cells awaiting trial. He may be given clemency if it is proven he was only following orders from a superior officer. Yumichika and Ikkaku have already tried to kill Momo and were prevented just in time. They are currently under sedation and 11th Division is under lockdown, as are the 10th and 12th Divisions," he said the last words slowly.

"Oh," what else could I say? All my concerns about 12th Division returned to plague me. Why did its captain hate me? Was it because I chose Zaraki over him, but that did not seem right. His eyes had never seemed to observe me with anything other than the cool disinterest of a scientist observing an annoying specimen. When he had stated he would have welcomed my attentions, I could not believe him. Even when he had been talking to me his eyes were fixed on Zaraki.

Then I realised what my captain had told me. 11th and 10th Division were in an uproar. Lockdown meant that they were confined to barracks and could not leave their quarters for any reason. I could not recall any time this had happened before and felt the guilt overwhelm me. This was my fault and I felt very responsible about Ikkaku and Yumichika. I'd have to get them freed, once they'd agreed not to try to kill Momo. None of this would have happened if I hadn't visited Momo. None of this would have happened if I hadn't fallen in love with Zaraki, or visited him in the bath house.

The feelings raging through me must have shown on my face. "Don't think it's all about you," Captain Hitsugaya said. "11th Division wanted to use this as an excuse to fight 12th Division and 12th Division seemed to be expecting the fight. Captain Yamamoto is not happy."

I nodded wondering about clemency. If my captain had given me orders with which I did not agree I would have argued, or ignored them. Even as I thought this I comprehended that I had a very close friendship with my captain and while he might punish me, he would not devise some method of torture that would mar my soul. Mostly he was reasonable and wouldn't ask something of me that I thought was wrong. Having heard some of the rumours it struck me that disobeying Captain Kurotsuchi would be potentially lethal. Akon may not have thought he had a choice.

Toshio began to speak rapidly. "Matsumoto, I'm beginning to think we need to send you somewhere else. Either that or you will need to be guarded at all times, even when you think you will be safe. I know that Captain Fong has increased the surveillance on you, but with all that has happened I'm not sure it's enough. I have to consult with the Captain-General," he broke off and frowned.

"I agree. Let me go to Hueco Mundo. I want to be with Zaraki and they won't expect me there,' it was time to tell my captain of my plans.

The look of shock on his face told me he did not approve of this suggestion. "Allow you to go there? Your husband gave me strict instructions that I was to keep you here and protect you. The Captain-General has ordered that you remain here. Even if you go there you'll be in more danger," he nearly shouted at me.

I hid the stubborn expression that was forming on my face. Why was he arguing with me? The anger he was showing was uncharacteristic. Was it because of Momo, or the secret love who was unreasonable? "As you command, my Captain," I said sweetly, dropping my eyelids to conceal the anger I knew was visible.

"If you're scheming a way to get around the orders, I will have you confined in the cells. But I can't do that as it would make you a target for any agents that may be here. Matsumoto, why are you giving me this trouble?" Toshiro ran his hands through his hair proving he was genuinely agitated.

"I'm not trying to, Sir." I said, my voice soft. "All I want is to be with my husband. I want this nightmare to stop. We've lost so much and gained mistrust, anger, hatred, violence and despair." There was a pause and I swallowed hard before I made my apology. "Perhaps I should have noticed more, Captain. I should have persisted with Gin, no matter what, and regained his trust and then I would have been able to stop the disaster."

Toshiro looked at me and shook his head slowly. "You know that would never have worked. The rape was a calculated attempt to break you and destroy any chance of reconciliation with Captain Ichimaru. You almost confessed that was your belief, when you told me, except you were too scared to acknowledge the truth head on. You normally face unpleasant facts squarely."

My heart felt heavy as I slowly nodded. As he often did, my Captain had cut through the layers and revealed the truth. Rape was not only a product of lust, but a tool to enforce revenge or control.

"Will you face another unpleasant experience now?" Toshiro asked, his eyes not meeting mine. It was something he wanted, that was obvious, but he did not wish to coerce me into anything.

"To please you, Captain, I'll try. I'd need to know the situation before I can agree." I was unwilling but it would be better to get this over with, whatever it was.

"There's someone who wants to see you, but you may not wish to see her." His voice had dropped and he was staring out the window. He knew I would hate what he was going to ask.

"Who?" I could not think of any person who might wish to see me who was still in the Seireitei.

"Momo." The name dropped into the quiet of the room and the ripples spread outwards.

I flinched at the thought of seeing Momo and my face creased in distaste. The woman had tried to kill me only recently and if she wanted to see me now, it might be to finish the job, properly.

"Since she woke up she hasn't stopped crying and apologising to everyone who enters the room, even the people she doesn't know. She is insistent that she apologise to you, otherwise she had threatened to stop eating." He tried to keep his voice calm, but he could not conceal the agitation he was feeling. "She asked Iemura to administer the same poison that was on the blades to her as she did not feel she deserves to live and now he won't stop crying. We have to pretend we don't notice."

Why was Iemura so upset about Momo's request? That question did not seem as important as some of the others I had, but it seemed strange. "I will see Momo if you are present, Captain."

"She has asked that I am not present," he held up his hand. "She had been checked for weapons and I have brought your zanpaku-to in case she tries anything. You are a much stronger fighter than she is and it amazed me that she managed to attack you so easily. Don't trust pity," his lips twisted wryly as he spoke.

That reminded me of the time he asked whether he should marry the girl and now I realised more than friendship, more than love, his motivation for thinking about the matter was pity. A bad reason to wed.

"Momo has agreed that Iemura can be here, but no one else. He will have a sedative ready in case her mood changes and she becomes violent," his voice grew colder as he spoke and I wondered if he had been hurt by this admission.

I rubbed my face. Don't trust pity, but by agreeing to see Momo I was giving into pity. "I'll let her have five minutes, no more and you have to stay outside the door, Captain. I don't feel good about this." While I didn't trust mercy, I would try to show some. If I was wrong, then Momo would be dead very soon, as might I.

"We've taken other precautions, so don't be too shocked," he warned me and left the room.

I watched the door and saw it open to admit a figure tied to a wheelchair so that all movement was restricted. As soon as she saw me, Momo began to sob.

"I'm so sorry, Ran. I think I was crazy. I didn't really want to kill you, I don't want you dead. I have to apologise to you for so many things. Please Ran, let me explain. I won't try to hurt you. You can kill me if you want, but could you wait until I've finished speaking?" The jumbled words were barely comprehensible as she sobbed. Iemura patted her shoulder consolingly and gave me a rather cold look.

What had I done? The woman had tried to kill me. Did I have to worry that Iemura had been turned by 12th Division also? "Tell me what you need to say," I sighed.

"I didn't tell you the whole truth. I'm so sorry, but I didn't want to accept it," she wailed. Her mood was verging on hysteria and I began to feel increasingly nervous.

"What truth?" I snapped. I'd only allowed 5 minutes and the way she was acting she'd be halfway through her apology when the time was up.

"I didn't lose my virginity to Captain Aizen. When I woke up it was another Captain who was in the bed with me," she confessed and then broke into another storm of sobbing.

Another captain? What the hell? Apprehension snuck into my mind and I knew I didn't want to hear any more. "I'm sorry about that." Even to my ears the words sounded trite and forced. Who was the man? It was obviously hurting her badly but who was it? There were a limited number of people who it could be, one of the Captains. Then my heart sank and I felt sick. If she said it was Zaraki, I would kill her slowly and painfully. Zaraki was mine. Even as I thought this I had a great amount of difficulty believing Zaraki would have screwed her. She had been a virgin and he didn't like virgins. He'd told me I was his first. It had to be someone else.

"It was……. it was….." She spluttered and sobbed even harder.

The more she hesitated the more convinced I was she was going to name my husband. I shifted moving further away from her and picking up my zanpaku-to. As soon as she said Zaraki's name I would cut her head off her shoulders. I didn't care about the consequences. She had tried to kill me. She had caused a lockdown on 10th and 11th Division. After I killed her, I'd seek him out and kill him because he'd lied to me. First I'd fuck him and then I'd kill him. My hands were shaking and I felt like crying. I hated this. I wanted to live with my husband, not have all these problems confront me. Suddenly I realised that I was probably experiencing what Momo had felt when she had heard about Aizen and I. Compassion is a bitch.

After a few minutes, while Iemura cooed encouraging words at her and wiped the tears from her face, she recovered slightly.

"It was Captain Ichimaru," she said and then wept again.

After the feeling of relief, I was thunderstruck. Gin? Gin had been with Momo? That was so unlikely I almost laughed. It was as likely as Zaraki fucking her. Gin had often spoken about how much he disliked the girl and tried to persuade me to cease spending time with her. He'd made crude comments about her appearance and declared he found his zanpaku-to more sexually attractive than Momo.

"Captain Gin Ichimaru?" I wanted it perfectly clear, though even is she admitted it I did not know if I could believe her.

She nodded. "I woke up to find someone caressing me and I didn't open my eyes because I was sure it was Captain Aizen. When I finally did open my eyes I saw it was Captain Ichimaru and by then it was too late," she dropped her eyes and seemed very reluctant to continue.

"I see," I said not seeing anything.

"After he finished, he left and then Captain Aizen returned and made love to me," she whispered.

Oh, hell. Now it was becoming all too clear. Momo was uncertain who fathered her child. Because I had been Gin's previous lover she felt guilty that she had screwed him. She felt even guiltier that he had her before Aizen and as she didn't like Gin….. No wonder the poor girl had been acting strangely. It added a new perspective to her attack of Gin after the discovery of Aizen's body. The girl was confused.

"I don't care who the father of your child is, Momo. Marry me. Become my wife. I love you," Iemura leant imploringly toward the figure on the chair.

An overwhelming urge to laugh came over me. Momo had added another member to the adoration society. Iemura was looking at her with such fervid admiration that it was rather scary.

"I don't deserve your love," Momo said theatrically and then spoilt the effect by asking, "You don't mind that I'm pregnant?"

Iemura embraced her and I cleared my throat, unwilling to watch anything further. It reminded me of Zaraki, and that only made me feel sad, lonely and lustful.

"Yes, Iemura. I will think about your offer, but I'm sure you understand I need time…….." Momo paused for a few seconds. "I will marry you." she said, her face glowing with an expression I had only seen a few times previously.

Iemura exclaimed with delight and kissed her. To my amazement Momo seemed to return the kiss, for all that her arms were bound.

I almost snorted. She needed time? Yeah, seconds. Iemura obviously treasured her, for whatever reason and he would probably be an adequate husband for Momo. Much better than my Captain who was not given to blind adoration. The speed of her acceptance seemed out of character. Obviously they had spent a great amount of time together since Aizen had tried to kill her, but why did she accept Iemura when she had only yesterday told me of her love for her former Captain and her desire to marry him?

The door opened and my captain entered. Seeing the situation he stopped and looked at me questioningly, but not before I saw an expression of relief cross his face. "What's happening?"

"Assistant Captain Hinamori has agreed to become my wife. I get a wife and a baby all in one package." Iemura started crying again. The man was so emotional.

I shot a glance at Momo. She did not think anyone would look at her, obviously because her expression was bleak. She regarded Iemura with a sad look as if she had committed to something she was not certain was right.

"May I have a moment with the Assistant Captain, alone?" I requested. Toshiro looked at me and I raised an eyebrow at him while nodding at Iemura.

"Do you feel safe?" he asked.

"I promise I will not hurt Ran. She's my friend and I was wrong earlier. Please let me talk to her alone. She's the only one who will understand," Momo was crying again.

Toshiro nodded at me and took the burbling Iemura out of the room. I waited until the door was firmly shut and moved closer to Momo. I took her hands in mine and crouched in front of her. "Why?"

At first she avoided my glance but eventually she met it. "He's not coming back, is he?"

I shook my head. "Aizen's set up his own little kingdom. A place where he can enforce his rules and standards. I'm sorry he shattered your dreams, Momo. If I see Gin again I will kill him on your behalf, though I find it hard to believe that he was the man in bed with you. Are you sure?"

She nodded thoughtfully. "He didn't speak much. It's embarrassing to admit what really happened."

I left the silence undisturbed. She wanted to tell someone, but her humiliation at the experience was obvious to me. Sighing she swallowed hard and then cleared her throat.

"When I arrived at his place my Captain gave me a drink. I thought it was water, but after drinking it I felt sleepy and got into his bed. I slept almost immediately and I had an erotic dream about Captain Aizen. I was in his bed and he had joined me, after taking off his clothes. His hands were moving all over my body and I……," she stopped and shut her eyes.

I patted her hand. "You don't have to tell me," I assured her. "You don't have to tell anyone, or maybe you want to wait until Captain Unohana returns."

I saw the struggle of emotions pass over Momo's face. She had acknowledged the truth to herself and now she needed to share it. I began to wish she had chosen to share it with someone else.

After a moment she continued. "I think it was because I was in his bed, his scent was so strong and when I awoke it seemed like my dream had become real. There was a naked man in bed with me, touching me. He was between my legs and his… um, member was just inside me. I immediately thought it was my Captain and I was very….. excited." She blushed and her eyes had trouble meeting mine.

"Sex it meant to be exciting, in the right circumstances with the right person," was all I could think to say. Then I added, "I only realised how enjoyable it could be recently."

Momo darted a glance at me, her mouth open. "Do you enjoy sex with Captain Zaraki? He doesn't strike me as a good lover," and then she bit her lip. "I'm sorry, that was rude."

The question made me laugh. She must be the only person in the Seireitei who hadn't heard Ikkaku's big mouth flapping. "There are two reasons I married Zaraki. One is because I love him. You can work out the other."

Her eyes went wide and she smiled nervously. "I would never have guessed."

I just smiled and waited for her to continue but felt uneasy. I didn't like the way her story was progressing.

After a few minutes she began again. "I didn't open my eyes because I wanted to see what would happen next. The man began to thrust into me very shallowly and it felt nice, very nice. Then he spoke. He said "Virgin. Not virgin. Virgin. Not virgin" as he thrust into me. It was then I knew it was Captain Ichimaru because I recognised his voice. I opened my eyes and said "Virgin," but he thrust into me fully, smiling and said, "Not virgin." It didn't hurt, it felt good. I was shocked that I was enjoying it and I didn't try to escape because it felt so nice and the next thing I knew I was asking him to continue. He did and I think I climaxed. I felt like my body exploded."

"That does sound like an orgasm," I confirmed. The Gin in her retelling of events was not the man I knew. He liked sex games, but this sounded wrong, for him.

"May I have some water, please, Ran? Thanks for not getting upset with me," Momo said.

"Don't worry. If you'd named Zaraki, I would have killed you," I said, trying to joke. It fell flat as it was obvious from my tone that I was speaking the truth. I poured the water and held it to her lips as she drank.

"I know you would," she confessed. "When I heard that you'd had sex with Aizen, forced or not, I felt like you were my enemy. I hated you, but that was wrong. He's not worth it." Her voice broke as she said the last sentence and it was obvious she didn't believe what she was saying.

"Zaraki is worth it," I said firmly.

"But that's because you love each other."

I sat on the bed and faced her. "You don't have to say anymore. Do you feel better now, having told me?"

She shook her head and pain flooded her eyes. "That was the good part."

I didn't want to hear what she was going to say next. "You can tell me tomorrow," I suggested. Given time she might decide that she had told me enough.

"I have to tell you now," tears dribbled down her face. "Every time I think about this it hurts me so much, I want to die."

"Don't think about it," the trite advice sprung from my lips. That advice didn't help me when I was fighting my feelings for Zaraki. The more I tried not to think about him the more my thoughts dwelt on him.

Momo bit her lip and frowned. "No. I have to tell you. Captain Ichimaru dressed and left and I wondered if I should leave. I felt mortified and hoped my Captain would not find out. I began to get out of bed when Captain Aizen opened the door and came into the room. He fastened the door and removed his clothes. I cleared my throat and he told me he knew I was there. He said he'd been listening and heard me screwing Gin and it was obvious I'd enjoyed it. Then he said it was his turn."

"The prick," the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. Momo was a very modest girl and this would have shamed her almost beyond bearing. "That's a rotten thing to say," I continued trying to moderate my comments.

"I felt so bad that I couldn't enjoy it with Captain Aizen. We had sex but all I could think about was that Captain Ichimaru had been first. Knowing Captain Aizen had overhead made it impossible to relax and I ended up crying. After he climaxed he gave me something else to drink, and I fell asleep again," was the ugly end to the story.

She had related to facts and I didn't know what to say. Her dreams had been crushed by two men who had used her as if she were little more than a prostitute. I couldn't understand why Aizen would have allowed Gin to take Momo's virginity, nor could I imagine Gin desiring Momo. I knew that something had happened to Momo, but the story was wrong. It had to be wrong.

"Should I tell Iemura, everything?" she asked, her voice husky from her tears.

"Why did you agree to marry him?" I countered.

"Because he loves me. He loves me more than anyone else ever has and he's a kind man who will care for me and the child. I was nervous that Toshiro would ask me to marry him out of pity and I might have agreed and that would be wrong. I think I could love Iemura, given time," was her simple explanation.

I hugged her, bound as she was and the gesture made her cry once more. "Ran, please be my friend again. Be an aunt to my child."

"Yes, Momo. I'll be your friend if you don't try to kill me or sleep with my husband," I smiled to show I was joking about the last part. "I think it should be okay. Iemura has already told you he doesn't care who the father of the child is, and I believe him," I advised her as gently as I could. "If it's any consolation the child should be very gifted, no matter who the father is. But knowing it might be Gin's baby, do you still wish to have it?"

Her startled expression almost made me laugh. "It's my child and I will have it. If I bring it up properly it will be a brave and strong Shinigami who will protect the innocent." There was no wavering in her determination and I knew the child would be born and she would try to love it, regardless of the father or the way it was conceived.

The door opened and Toshiro came in. "Momo needs her rest you are to carry a package to Captain Soi Fong. Would you please make sure it is delivered into her hand and her hand alone," he requested. His attitude had changed and I wondered why he seemed more relaxed than he had been for a long time.

"Yes, Captain," I agreed, curious as to the contents. I left the room and headed toward 2nd Division, pleased for many reasons, that I was alive.

* * *

A.N.

Did you expect this to be straightforward? More twists ahead.

Soundtrack

'Unfinished Sympathy' Massive Attack

'Strangers' Yoko Kanno

'So Lonely' Jakatta

'No Sun' The Art of Noise

Review. I like reviews.


	23. The Package

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Package**

I had nearly left 4th Division when I become conscious of one important thing. Dashing back inside, I quickly dressed in my uniform and brushed my hair. The 4th Division garments were not appropriate for meeting with a Captain and tended to be slightly uncomfortable and tended to let in too much air. With all the events happening after I woke, I could understand why I hadn't even thought of dressing, but I knew if I was to meet with Captain Fong, she would insist that I was dressed correctly. In view of this I placed the 10th Division insignia on my sash.

As soon as I left the building I was blocked by two people from the Special Forces. One explained that as10th Division was under lockdown any person assigned to the Division had to be escorted within the Seireitei, except for the Captain. I nodded and then explained I needed to visit their commander.

"She wishes to see you. Come this way," I was told gruffly.

As I followed them I thought about the person I had asked to see. Captain Fong was a strange woman, one I could not begin to understand. Most people believed that she had been Yoruichi's lover but it was mainly rumour and I knew, from experience, that rumours were not always true. On the surface she had appeared unaffected by Yoruichi's departure but she had expressed her admiration of her former captain on many occasions. The one time she had made a pass at me I'd felt sorry for her. Her face had been filled with longing for the closeness I denied her, but I could not change my nature. She'd done nothing to harm me for the rejection, never showed that she remembered the incident. When she had made the offer of protection on the day of my marriage I had wondered why she was trying to help. Earlier that day, her reaction had indicated her strong opposition to my union with Zaraki, and the change of mind confused me.

I looked at the small package that Toshiro had given me. It was well sealed and felt strangely heavy and lumpy. Why would he send anything to her? I didn't think they knew each other well. Why had he asked me to take it? I knew our Division was under lockdown but he could have asked anyone to be a messenger.

Walking through the streets I noticed they were much quieter than normal, but that was to be expected. Three Divisions were now confined, because of me, because of Momo, because of all the events that had been set in train by Aizen. I didn't care what happened to 12th Division but I was concerned about my Division and Zaraki's. Without Zaraki, Yachiru, Ikkaku or Yumichika there to watch over the 11th, there might well be anarchy and it seemed wrong that all these problems were happening at once. I didn't worry too much about my Division because Toshiro would keep a firm hold on the situation and his other adjuncts were well trained and capable. It was quiet as my escorts moved silently and they did not speak to each other or to me. Noticing my surroundings I became aware that I was being led towards 11th Division and Zaraki's quarters. It made me wonder: if the Division was under lockdown would I still be allowed to sleep there? Or would I be confined to 10th Division?

"Come with me," the peremptory command shocked me and I turned to see the Captain I was seeking staring at me. She made a motion to her people and they vanished soundlessly.

"I have this for you from my Captain." I proffered the package to her and she unwillingly took it from me. For a moment I thought she would slip it into her pocket for later, but she undid one end and the hard object within slipped into her palm. I gave an exclamation. The object within her hand was a work of art. The subject of the sculpture was a hornet carved from fine white jade with its sting poised ready to strike. The sting was edged with gold and while I found it menacing, the detail was perfect. Even though it was a statue, it seemed that the hornet's wings would begin to move any moment and it would strike whoever was near. It was larger than a normal hornet, but still quite small and faultlessly proportioned. I looked at Captain Fong. Why would Toshiro send her something so obviously valuable? Why was there a flush of colour in the Captain's cheeks? I knew there had to be a letter accompanying the package and wished I could read it.

Her eyes were wide and she couldn't seem to draw her gaze from the gift. Noticing my observation she slipped the figure back into the packet and carefully placed it in her pocket. "I will read the letter later. You may need to carry a reply to your Captain," her dignity encompassed her again. "You need to show yourself to 10th and 11th Divisions so they can be assured that you are still living. Captain Hitsugaya has reassured 10th Division but verbal assurance is not working on the 11th so well." She turned and strode toward 11th Division and I followed as we went past the guards posted at the gate. She walked to the outside of my husband's quarters where a large, rowdy group of the Division were gathered. They quietened when they saw us.

"Here is your Captain's wife, alive and unharmed," she announced once we were within earshot. "Will you stop acting like fools? How will your Captain feel if he hears of this?" The disdain in her tone made my back stiffen. 11th Division would not take kindly to be addressed in this manner.

"He'll probably tell us we should have gone and executed the tart who tried to kill his wife," one of them muttered. "And we should have slaughtered 12th Division while we had the chance. They caused this."

"Yeah, less scum to crowd this place. But at least the woman's alive and looking good. I've always liked looking at her," one of them mumbled and was promptly swatted by the men standing around him.

"Good thing the Captain didn't hear you say that, idiot," one told him. "You can look, if he doesn't catch you, but don't talk and definitely don't touch."

"She's the captain wife, not just a woman. What about the bint that tried to kill you?" one man I knew slightly by sight asked. "Is she still alive? Will she try to murder you again?"

What was his name? Tite? Tintin? Then I remembered. "Lieutenant Hinamori has been suffering from a serious disorder, Tuan" how could I tell them that she had been crazy and then gotten better? That would be ludicrous. "4th Division have worked out a cure and she is now in her right mind. Please don't send anyone else to kill her. She won't hurt anyone and she is under my protection." I thought I should add the last part to prove that I didn't want her hurt.

"You keep away from that nut job," Tuan instructed me. "Don't give her a second chance."

The rumble of agreement was very loud and I tried to smile at them, though all I felt was grief for Momo. I couldn't desert her, not after all our shared experiences, but now she had Iemura. Maybe Momo would be better for his proximity and he seemed to have a calming effect on her. His love for her was obvious and I wondered if she would grow to love him as she had assured me she would. I quietly thanked the graces that Toshiro had not proposed to her then unwillingly dragged my attention back to the people in front of me. They had to be distracted from any further thoughts of revenge. Tuan did not have the right to instruct me, but to keep the peace I said nothing of that.

"And stay away from 12th Division, too. Next time the attack may be from them, not some stupid girl," an older man told me. I wondered who he was as he spoke with authority and seemed to have the respect of the men surrounding him. I could not recall seeing him, or I may have seen him, but not noticed him particularly.

I cleared my throat and hoped they would listen to me. "Your Captain will be informed of your care for me and I'm sure he will reward you, but for now we have to keep the peace. We shouldn't be fighting amongst ourselves."

"We didn't start the fight with the 12th. They shouldn't have tried to get you killed. They only tried because our Captain isn't here," the older man said and the others nodded agreement. A flash of complacency crossed his features at the quick agreement.

I began to see that this man might cause trouble. I wanted to force the Division to question his comments and tried the most important, but also painful appeal. "Protecting the Seireitei against our real enemy is more important than worrying about 12th Division," I said, knowing that my comments would immediately remind them of my failed relationship with Gin, but Captain Fong spoke over me.

"You, what is your name? What is your role in this Division?" Her voice was hard and she did not seem conciliatory. Her sharp eyes were fixed on the man and I was glad I had not aroused her ire.

The man reacted by standing very straight and answered her with the respect that should be accorded a Captain. He obviously was well aware of Captain Fong's reputation. "I am the 10th seat of 11th Division. My name is Moto Yano."

I had never heard the name before, but he was 10th seat and should be showing more responsibility rather than trying to cause trouble. I really should ask Zaraki about him and them my heart thudded as it was again impressed on me it how long it would be before I could ask Zaraki anything.

"As 10th seat you should be calming matters, not causing further dissension," Captain Fong told him, her eyes seeming to burn within their sockets.

The man tried to look composed, but it was obvious he was flustered by her words and glare. "I'm just saying what everyone is thinking," he floundered trying to sound assured. "What's wrong with the truth?"

A few of his supporters drew slightly away from him. In doing so, the man who had offered to show Zaraki how to kiss me was revealed. He saw my glance and bowed deeply.

"It's partial truth at best. Shut up Yano. You've been spouting off all day about how we should get the 12th. I tried to tell you before but you kept babbling on like the loud mouthed prat you are," the 10th seat looked embarrassed and the man who spoke addressed me. "I'm pleased to see you well, Lieutenant," he said gruffly. "I did not mean anything by what I said in front of your husband. You are a very beautiful woman and I was drunk; alcohol causes me to lose my inhibitions. As 9th seat I should have displayed more respect. I've always admired you and I applaud my Captain's taste in his bride. I am here to obey your orders, as my Captain commanded me in punishment for my disrespect."

"I wished I had that punishment, I'd make the most of it," Moto said with an edge to his voice, only to be punched in the stomach by the 9th seat. He folded up quietly and fell to the ground.

"I told you to shut up. The Lieutenant does not deserve your vulgar comments," he said very firmly. "Captain Zaraki will not be pleased."

I almost laughed at the gravity of his manner, but that would have hurt him. His sincerity was obvious and I smiled at him. "I'm sure my husband has relieved you of your responsibility…"

But he shook his head before I could finish. "There has not been the time. I am here to follow your instructions until my Captain returns and orders me otherwise. Instruct me."

Thinking for a moment I realised that I could do something worthwhile. "Could you organise some drills, exercise, weapon making, and physical activity? Give your people something constructive to do. We'll need everyone to be at their best if the Arrancar attack again and everyone relies on the 11th for their strength."

"We've tried to do that but our 10th seat did not seem pleased with the suggestion. Funny how important he thought he was with a bit of backing from like minded idiots. He tried contradicting every order or saying we didn't have the authority," another man said. "I'm 8th seat, Kye Ishi. I have an idea Moto. Seeing you have so many ideas, why don't you work out a way of repairing those weapons that have been broken recently? It's a messy, hard job, but you keep saying it would take a lot of imagination to fix them. What do you think Hisao?"

A broad grin crossed the features of the 9th seat. "Couldn't have thought of a better idea, Kye. Get to it Moto. Do any of your supporters want to help? Funny, they all seem to have faded away," he said as the erstwhile supporters shuffled away as quickly as they could.

Scowling heavily, Moto huffily moved out of the square, escorted by a silent man who seemed intent on making certain that he followed orders, and I was pleased to see him go. There were already enough trouble makers and 11th Division didn't need another one.

"He's so quiet and obedient when the Captain's here. I thought he was hiding his nature and I was right. We've got a lot of nasty tasks for him to do that should keep him busy. He kept contradicting me and reminding everyone how I disgraced myself," Hisao continued. "With Ikkaku and Yumichika absent, he was beginning to disrupt everything. I wonder if he'll be stupid enough to challenge the Captain for his position when he returns, like he said he would," a smile full of malice crossed his face. "I think I'll mention it to the Captain. There's no way he could win."

"By the way, Captain, I hope that the Lieutenant will still spend each night in the Captain's house. He'll be pissed if he came back and found she'd gone back to the 10th," the 9th seat pointed out.

Captain Fong frowned. "I will arrange it so that she may sleep here. She will need to be guarded at all times."

"Good. We'll get these lazy buggers working hard. If they're busy they'll talk less. Let's hope the lockdown is up soon. Trying to keep this bunch occupied won't be easy," another Shinigami said. From his attitude I guessed he was another seated officer.

"Make certain they are not allowed an idle moment," Captain Fong told him. "I, or another Captain will check in later. Lieutenant, come with me."

Following the Captain again I wondered if we were now going to 10th Division but noticed that she was leading me toward 1st Division. She jumped onto the roof and I followed, easily. It was quieter and less crowded than the streets. Ignoring my impulse to remain silent I uttered some ideas I had to the Captain.

"I think it's a bad idea to keep the 11th under lockdown, especially with that trouble maker. They'd be more useful maintaining the borders of Soul Society and the Seireitei. They could watch for incursions from the Hollows or Arrancar and they'd be on full alert, not thinking about revenge." I had no idea where the words came from, but I remembered that 11th Division were kept active by Zaraki, not locked up where all they could do was fight, drink and build on their grievances. They'd had experience the last time the Arrancar had invaded and that would stand them in good stead.

Captain Fong looked at me and I bit my lip. Damnation, I was speaking above my rank, but it seemed obvious to me that if the Division felt they had important responsibilities they would follow them carefully, seeking approval from their Captain. Keeping them confined was a waste.

"I will inform the Captain-General of your suggestion. I agree that the borders need to be carefully patrolled at this time. Normally, Divisions are kept here, but if we can at least entrust the 11th Division with manning the walls and especially providing support for the gate guards of the Seireitei our security will be increased." She kept her course and we were nearing 1st Division.

Her acceptance of my plan was unexpected. I could see many problems with my suggestion. "Did your Captain look well?" she asked hesitantly.

"Actually the last time I saw him he looked relieved. Iemura had just asked Momo to marry him," I said absentmindedly, gazing at the Captain, wondering why she had asked the question.

She stopped and stared at me, astonished. "Iemura? From 4th Division? He is going to marry Momo Hinamori?" Her tone held a touch of hope and I wondered what was going on.

Shrugging I replied "They haven't asked for permission, yet. He's promised to take care of her and the child."

A mixture of emotions crossed her face and I couldn't understand any of them. I thought I saw joy, sadness and hope. Why my news made her feel any of those I couldn't understand, but I smiled at her tentatively. "My Captain is relieved. He'd asked me if he should offer to marry Momo and I told him it was a bad idea. A marriage based on pity is a bad idea."

At my words another dark frown clouded her face and it dawned on me that I might have said something wrong. But what was it?

"Pity? Not love?" the small woman's voice was curious.

"He loves her as a friend, but he was only thinking about marrying her because he felt sorry for her. He's always been overprotective of Momo." I said reflectively.

"As have many people," she said dryly. "And you forgave her even though she tried to kill you?" the rising note of her voice alerted me that she didn't believe me.

"She'd lost everything. She adores Captain Aizen and can't accept he deserted her, or what he did to me. When she heard that he'd ordered Gin to come after me and not her, I think that hurt the most. It's almost like Aizen discovered all her little dreams and has set out to crush them, one by one. Toshiro told me not to trust pity, but I feel so sorry for Momo and guilty."

That we were conversing like this on a rooftop did not strike me as odd. I watched as she stared at the horizon, her face carefully controlled while she considered my words. "Why do you feel guilty?"

I hadn't expected that question. "Because when Zaraki returns I'll have everything I want," I said quietly, feeling the longing flow through me once again.

A small sneer crossed Captain Fong's face. "The return of a man will make you happy?"

"Not just him," I protested. "I have my friends, my Division, Captain Hitsugaya and everything that's ahead of me. But I miss my husband."

"Don't you aspire to bankai, to become a captain of your own Division?"

The speed of the question startled me as well as their content. "And have to do all the paperwork?" was my unthinking answer. I chuckled at the shocked look on her face. "There's so much responsibility in being a captain. You've got to think of your Division and monitor what's going on. There are so many rules, people watch you all the time and there's all the politics."

"But you naturally slipped into the command role when we visited 11th Division," she commented, "and your comments about keeping them busy show's a Captain's knowledge and responsibility."

This was not good. I had acted that way, because I was worried about the stability of the Division while its strongest leaders were absent. It was a fluke, an aberration. Shrugging I replied, "I've watched Captain Hitsugaya and other captains. I tried to think what they would do and what Zaraki would want. It wasn't anything."

"But bankai?" she prompted.

"My Captain tried to help. It didn't. I'm no closer to bankai than I was a year ago," was my short response.

Toshiro knew I was working toward bankai. He'd tried to help, but the nature of his zanpaku-to was so different from mine that I ended up more confused and infuriated with the spirit than before. All that communing with the spirit of the blade became boring after a while and I sometimes found I was drifting off to sleep instead of concentrating. I'd given up sitting with the blade across my knees, and now lay down with it resting lengthways on me. At least it was more comfortable. I thought I got a better response and it made drifting into a doze much easier. My recent attempts had seemed enhanced once I was near the depths of slumber and I had talked closely with the spirit, but it wasn't enough. We were both too lazy to try very hard.

Since my marriage to Zaraki there hadn't been time. If I had to choose between sex and bankai, I'd choose sex with my husband every time.

"I was working on it," I admitted, feeling slightly shy.

"I think I could help you," Captain Fong offered, her voice low.

I'm sure I did not hide my reaction to her suggestion because I could not believe what I was hearing.

"My zanpaku-to is closer in spirit to yours than your Captain's. You need to understand your potential. After we visit the Old Man, we'll work together for a time," she sighed, her eyes becoming clouded with memories. "I recall working with Yoruichi and how she helped me." Shaking herself she seemed to return to reality, "but that was long ago."

We began to walk toward 1st Division again. As they normally did, my thoughts turned to Zaraki, wondering how he was, if he was thinking about me, when we could have sex again. I hoped that trying to reach bankai would suppress some of the craving I felt.

The meeting with Captain Yamamoto was brief. Captain Fong outlined my suggestion and explained that she would monitor the 11th Division with her select group and make certain that they did not get close to 12th Division.

An argument followed, bitter, angry and brief. Captain Yamamoto accepted my suggestion which surprised me, but logically it made sense. Kept confined, revolt would be almost certain.

"I would also like 10th Division to work with mine, providing information about how to fight the Arrancar," she requested, in a tone that would not accept rejection. "I am certain that if we train together we will increase our abilities and as Captain Hitsugaya and the lieutenant have experience with the Arrancar in both the human world and here, their input will be invaluable, Sir." As she spoke, I noticed an undercurrent in her words that I could not work out. It seemed like she was deferring to the Captain-General in manner, but not in spirit.

"You will also release Ikkaku Madarame and Yumichika Ayasegawa. I will take the lieutenant to see them so they can be assured she is well and she can reassure them. They were, after all, only carrying out their Captain's orders to protect his wife. You can punish them after this is over, if you must, but the 11th need them." Captain Fong again impressed me with her understanding.

"Request denied!"

"You must listen. Discipline is declining rapidly in the Division and there are a few troublemakers who are already causing more dissension. If the 3rd and 5th seat are there they will keep the rabble-rousers busy."

"I would remind you, Captain Fong, that yesterday they tried to kill a senior officer. They would have succeeded if Captain Hitsugaya, Lieutenant Izuru and Captain Kyoraku weren't there, guarding both lieutenants, without my permission or knowledge. If Captain Hitsugaya had been with his Division they may not now be under lockdown," the Captain-General said firmly.

I heard Captain Fong make a small derisive noise in her throat. "And Momo might be dead. Release both men or expect consequences, worse than those I have threatened previously. Put some of your own men to watch them if you must, but they're needed. I warn you, Captain Yamamoto."

"Sir, please. Their Captain has given them orders to be with me at all times if I'm not with another Captain. I'll make them promise not to hurt Momo." I added my support to Captain Fong.

"You are not the first two to make these demands," said the Old Man grumpily. He rubbed his chin, thoughtfully and then looked at Captain Fong, a meaningful expression on his features. "I'll agree to release these men on a number of conditions to which they must agree. Captain Fong, you will have your people monitoring them at all times and there will be a cost to you which we will discuss now. Lieutenant, leave us. Wait outside."

"No. She remains. I make no deals. You need to do this for the good of the Seireitei and the Gotei 13 which you created," she leant forward. "Think on this. I can reverse Captain Shihoin's decision regarding my Division." A small, but malevolent smile crossed her face and her eyes gleamed.

The Captain-General sat back in his chair as he contemplated the 2nd Division commander. Waiting for him to react I expected him to become furious and challenge her, but instead he emitted a sharp bark of laughter and nodded. "I have no doubt that you would do that, Commander. We will have our reckoning after this crisis is over."

She nodded curtly, turned on her heel and said over her shoulder, "Issue the command to release the 3rd and 5th seat. We will explain matters to them and escort them to their Division."

"You can wait. I will speak to them first and explain the conditions for their release then you may escort them." His posture indicated that he would accept no argument this time.

"Very well. We'll go and reassure the 10th Division of their lieutenant's survival and then we will return," she said brusquely. I bowed slightly to the Captain-General before tagged along wondering all the while what had happened between Captain Fong and the Captain-General.

* * *

A.N.

Zaraki's reappearance? Soon.

Those of you who have read For the Love of a Friend may have expected the statue to be that of a black cat, but how predictable is that?

Review. I like reviews.

No soundtrack this time. Just my discordant thoughts.


	24. The Conditions

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Conditions**

Despite my reluctance, I had to ask. This woman had threatened the Captain-General with something I didn't understand. I knew she was brave and held a great amount of power, but I had never expected to see her directly challenge Captain Yamamoto. While I knew there were problems between my husband and the 1st Division Captain I didn't know any other person would dare answer back. The confrontation had shocked me, but it pleased me that Captain Fong seemed to be interested in the welfare of the whole of the Seireitei. I ran to catch up with her as she was walking very fast, her shoulders straight and her back as inflexible as ever I had seen it. Maybe this was the wrong time to broach the subject, but I was curious. "Captain, I won't ask why you are angry with Captain Yamamoto," I began tentatively, knowing that I might receive a negative reaction.

"Good, because I will not answer that question. I can't," she said curtly, fury evident in her voice. Instinctively I moved apart while keeping pace with her while fearing her anger and possible consequences.

"But what did you mean about 2nd Division?" I persisted, hoping she would answer.

Captain Fong's shoulders slumped slightly. "I should have said the Special Forces under my command, not the whole Division," she sighed angrily. She ran a hand over her hair in a distracted manner. "I was too angry to think the threat through correctly. Like most men he can be so stubborn and it infuriates me that he…" She stopped, swallowed and took a deep breath. "I can't really carry out the threat unless I receive the full backing of the Shihoin clan. The Special Forces, which include the Punishment Division, the Executive Militia and the Patrol Corps, traditionally answer to the head of the Shihoin clan, not the Captain of the 2nd Division. I was merely reminding Captain Yamamoto of this. The control of these elite forces should have reverted back to the family when Yoruichi left, but it was considered an imposition on the people already shamed by her defection."

It was now becoming clear to me. If the Special Forces split from 2nd Division, that would make the Gotei 13 weaker as they would not answer directly to a Captain or the Captain-General. That Soi Fong was prepared to surrender this command, at this time, amazed me and I wondered if she was serious. If she was, then she had serious problems with Captain Yamamoto. My recent interaction with the man had made me question many of his actions, but I sensed there were deeper reasons for Captain Fong's antipathy. Though I didn't know the Captain very well I was very sure that her motives were sound but it frustrated me that I couldn't find out. Maybe Zaraki would know…. Zaraki!

"I am very serious, so think before you question me. It would be wise to leave the matter there, Lieutenant," she said. Her voice was serious and the determination in her voice was mirrored in her face.

Deciding that to question her further might be dangerous; I changed the subject to something else I wanted to know. "Why are you escorting me?" It seemed strange that she was doing so. I wondered if she had an ulterior motive and fervently hoped she didn't.

Her eyes blazing, she strode onward. "You were abducted when you were meant to be under my protection and I feel responsible. I hate it when any of my people fail. I am accountable."

Shaking my head I couldn't see how she could be blamed for what happened. Gin was a manipulative person; I knew that only too well. She had tried to protect me, but the plan to seize me had been concocted by the minds of three devious men who had fooled all of us for years. How could any of us guess what would happen? I tried to explain this, but my protests were ignored as she continued reciting her reasons, as if it was important that they all be voiced. "Captain Hitsugaya is staying at 4th Division in case another attempt is made on Lieutenant Hinamori's life, or so I have been informed," her voice dropped slightly. "The news about Hinamori's engagement changes nothing. People may still wish to see her die, especially as the identity of the father of her child is now widespread. I promised Kenpachi that I would protect you if Tos… Captain Hitsugaya was unavailable, or if anything happened to Madarame or Ayasegawa. It seemed unlikely at the time, but he was in earnest," she paused and I wondered what she was preparing to say. "Also you never mentioned my mistake, to anyone. Captain Unohana approves of you and as I value her judgement I have decided to overlook our history."

As we walked toward my Division I began to feel that perhaps Captain Fong was not the heartless virago everyone gossiped about. She felt the deeds of Gin very deeply and considered the murder of her subordinates to be her direct responsibility. For a person who was normally so confident, it must be irritating to admit to any fault. "I decided to forget about it," I said quietly. "I've made so many mistakes that I'd forgotten other people make then too. You could have used your position to make my life difficult, but you didn't. Anyway, Zaraki distracted me." Just as mentioning his name distracted me. For a few seconds I longed for him with hopeless despair.

She nodded.

"Captain, I promise that that incident will never be mentioned to anyone," was my sincere assurance. It reflected badly on both of us and would serve no purpose. No harm was done to either of us.

"I will kill you if you do," was her reply and then I noticed that her lips were stretched into a smile. I hoped she didn't mean the threat.

"Zaraki won't like it if you kill me," I said as lightly as I could.

"No. He won't like it if he can see any sign of harm. It's good for all of us that Toshiro acted so quickly and no damage is perceivable. Hanatoro, for all he acts like a fool, can repair most physical damage," she said looking at me carefully almost as if she was assessing if any visible signs were apparent.

"She called my Captain Toshiro. That's strange. Until now she's been very careful to call him Captain Hitsugaya. Is it possible they became friends? That would be nice for Toshiro. I think he wanted to make friends as he feels isolated," were my quickly moving thoughts. "Most of the captains seem isolated, except Captain Ukitake, Retsu and Shunsui and, of course, Zaraki."

As we walked through the sunny streets, nearing 10th Division I again felt an overwhelming longing for Zaraki. The sunlight reminded me of him, the streets, the scent of jasmine in the air, the birds swooping through the air. Subconsciously I acknowledged that none of these things directly reminded me of my absent husband, but breathing, simply existing made me feel his lack. I cursed him for forcing me to remain behind.

"This shouldn't take long," Captain Fong said. "I don't think you'll be required to make sushi or ramen. You are her to provide reassurance that you are alive and without any visible damage."

I noticed that, distracted by my thoughts of Zaraki, we had entered the 10th Division compound, being waved inside by the guards who were enforcing lockdown. Why had she mentioned sushi? Searching through my memories I had a vague recollection that Toshiro had made sushi for the ill fated party. As she had mentioned ramen, maybe that was the food she had provided.

"Lockdown is a real pain in the craw. Three divisions locked down at the same time are almost beyond our resources to maintain," she muttered, almost to herself. "If the Old Man doesn't listen to me, things will get dangerous."

"But I thought 10th wasn't under lockdown any more because they will be training with your Division," I said, confused at the information she had provided.

"You weren't listening, or maybe you don't understand the bargain. 10th Division will be allowed to leave, but only in the company of members of my Division. In other words, they are guarded at all times, but allowed more freedom of movement. Toshiro should be here, not skulking around Lieutenant Hinamori. He takes loyalty too far," Captain Fong did not seem very happy.

"Without his loyalty I'd be either dead or badly injured. If you ever take the time to get to know him, Captain Fong, I'm sure you'll like him. You have a lot in common," I said, voicing a thought that I'd had pass through my mind on more than one occasion. "He can relax sometimes and even make jokes."

She stopped walking and turned from me. I saw her shoulders shake and I wondered if she was crying, or suffering a surge of anger at my forward behaviour. Moving to face her I wondered if she was suffering a fit, but then I recognised what was happening. Captain Fong was laughing at my suggestion.

"He can be fun," I insisted, startled that this stern woman could find amusement in my comment.

"I'm no doubting you Lieutenant; it's just I've never heard you speak about your Captain like that. I haven't heard anyone tell me he has a sense of humour," her eyes crinkled at the corners with laughter as she looked at me. There was an undertone in her voice that I didn't understand.

"Captain Hitsugaya works very hard and most people treat him like an infant. I don't think that's fair," I protested, wondering if my mind was playing tricks on me. My recent interactions with people made me wonder if I knew anyone, or only the mask they wished to present to the world. This was not the Captain Fong I had spoken to previously.

"I don't treat him like an infant," the 2nd Division Captain purred, a peculiar smile curving her mouth.

Again that subtle double meaning lay behind her words. It made me wonder. As soon as I returned from the human world I had been totally occupied with Zaraki and I had been unaware of what was happening in the Seireitei. When I returned after the abduction I had been focused on Momo and my all consuming longing for Zaraki so I hadn't really noticed what was going on around me. Shuhei had become friends with Toshiro, which I didn't understand, and it seemed that this Captain had become close to Retsu. What other things had I missed out on? I couldn't ask Toshiro because he had provided as much gossip as he was likely to and he would only talk about things that were common knowledge; but maybe Captain Fong would provide me with some information.

"Can you tell me if there's anything I should know about? New relationships? Why Rukia delayed her wedding to Renji?"

The Captain looked over my shoulder and a small frown furrowing her forehead. She seemed to be considering my question and I waited impatiently for her to reply. From her expression she was unwilling to say much.

"Many things have happened but most of them I cannot discuss. You will find out; depending on how matters progress," the formality of her answer indicated that she did not wish to be questioned further.

Now my mind was alive with possibilities. I knew that Shuhei had decided to distract Nanao after talking about it for so long. It seemed odd that after hundreds of years he had tired of her constant interference in his life. Suddenly it struck me why he wished to do that. He had finally fallen for someone and wanted there to be no obstacles in his courtship. How had that happened in such a short time? Something twitched in the back of my mind but I dismissed the idle thought immediately. It was a stupid idea and obviously one that was produced by my overactive imagination.

"Let's get this over with," Captain Fong said and ushered me into the largest open area in 10th Division. As soon as I was seen I heard people calling out to me. The noise was so great that I had difficulty making out what each person was saying, so instead I bowed and smiled feeling rather embarrassed to be the centre of attention again. "Get used to it," I reminded myself. "Being married to Zaraki won't make people pay less attention."

Captain Fong raised her hand and the noise began to ebb until only a few murmurs could be heard. "Your Lieutenant is here and well, as you can see. Her injuries were minor and she is fully recovered and able to resume duty."

A hubbub of voices greeted her announcement.

"Where's our Captain? Has he been injured too?"

"Is that little bitch dead? If not she should be."

"Does this mean lockdown is over?"

I was shocked at the anger in the voice of my friend who asked if Momo was dead. I gulped, realising how many people had been affected by the events in the past few days. It didn't seem right that the actions of a few people could affect many others so profoundly.

"Lieutenant Hinamori is recovering and Captain Hitsugaya is on guard to prevent any further attacks," Captain Fong had crossed her arms over her chest and I was rather scared when I noticed the anger radiating from her. "Your attitude does you no service."

"Sorry," was the muttered reply.

"Once I clear it with your Captain you will be working with my Division to prepare for battle with the Arrancar, Hollows and traitors."

This announcement brought even more comment and the Captain waited impatiently until the noise faded.

"You are still under lockdown and your actions will be monitored, but it will give you more freedom of movement. If merely one of you acts in a manner that causes complaint, the whole division will be returned to full lockdown, without privileges."

This time silence greeted the announcement as each person thought about the situation.

"Will you be staying here with us, Lieutenant?" asked the soft voice of Mai, the fourth seat and my best female friend in the Division. I'd always admired how her calm, sweet surface hid steely determination and the ability to persuade some of the more unwilling members of our division to perform to their best. It had been too long since we talked and I realised she would be able to clue me in on some of the more interesting events in the Seireitei.

"No. I have something I have to do," I replied, mindful that I had to return to the Captain-General but wishing I had time to stay and chat. "I'll be back later, but please don't try to hurt Lieutenant Hinamori. She is Captain Hitsugaya's friend and he would be annoyed if she was injured."

"You'd think he'd be more upset that his lieutenant was attacked and nearly killed," a disguised voice said loudly.

"He is upset and he's the one who saved me," I said, irritated that anyone was questioning our Captain. Toshiro was not at fault, nor was Momo. Damn Aizen and Gin and Tosen! Damn the 12th Division and its creepy captain.

"Remember, comments like that will keep us under lockdown," Mai said reasonably as her eyes scanned the Division, searching for the person. I had faith that she would find out who had spoken and an appropriate punishment would be provided.

"I will return your lieutenant in a while," Captain Fong abruptly said and motioned for me to follow her.

We did not talk for most of the walk back to the Captain-Generals' office. I was worried about the situation in 10th Division. I knew that the seated officers would manage but the ill feeling that was being expressed toward Momo made me worry.

"Captain, do you think it might be an idea to send Momo to the human world for a little while? Until this dies down? I feel that she might be safer there," I said uttering the thoughts that had crossed my mind.

She made a face. "That girl has put nearly all the Seireitei into an uproar."

"I'm responsible, too," I said quietly, acknowledging that I had caused my share of chaos, but not through my actions.

"I haven't noticed you attempting to kill a friend recently or falling pregnant to a traitor. It is true that you have been the focus of many of the disturbances since the day before the mission went to the human world. However, there have been other unsettling incidents," even as she spoke her face became hard and she shut her mouth tightly signalling that no questions would be answered.

As we entered the 1st Division office I noticed that both Yumichika and Ikkaku were there. They were staring at the Captain-General in disbelief and I could see they were not happy about something. I wondered what he'd said.

"Fuck that for a joke," Ikkaku said loudly as he shook his head. "Not happening. Not in this afterlife time or the next."

Yumichika's face was blank as if he was trying to hide his feelings but he was biting his lip, so hard that the skin had turned white. "I can't," was all he said.

"If I release you, you will both have to abstain from alcohol and sexual relations until I am assured that your behaviour will not be repeated," Captain Yamamoto said, his voice hard with anger.

"Why does it have to be both? Can't it just be one?" Yumichika said nervously, glancing sideways. I could see a small sheen of perspiration on his brow and wondered why. I had never seen him look this uncomfortable.

Refraining from sex and alcohol were the conditions? I could understand the ban on drinking, but why was the Captain-General concerned with Ikkaku and Yumichika's sex life? From my understanding they were discreet and I knew that Ikkaku had an interest in the Seireitei and who she was. The reason he was being so quiet about the relationship was something he'd disclosed to me in the human world, but soon the romance would be common knowledge.

"Are you unwilling to give up sex?" Captain Fong asked with interest. I looked at her, thinking it was an odd question for her to ask. I knew that if Zaraki were in the Seireitei there would be no incentive strong enough for me to agree to give up sex.

"Alcohol," Yumichika admitted shamefacedly.

"You must abstain from both," Captain Yamamoto insisted. "We need to have clear heads and as you will be directing 11th Division with 3rd seat Madarame, I expect you to provide an example. From now until the end of lockdown, the whole of the Seireitei will be dry."

Captain Fong laughed shortly as soon as he'd finished speaking. "Hmmm. I remember how well that worked in the human world, in America," she commented dryly. "People became obsessed with obtaining any form of spirit and crime flourished as a result. The experiment was a failure."

I watched as Captain Yamamoto's face turned an interesting shade of red and I wondered if he had problems with his blood pressure. "You go too far, Captain Fong."

"I don't go far enough," she shot back. "You don't consult, you don't listen and you keep secrets. Now you make unreasonable demands."

I looked at Ikkaku and Yumichika to see if they were going to intercede but they seemed to wish for the conflict to continue. I could see Ikkaku's eyes gleaming with interest but Yumichika seemed withdrawn and unhappy. He licked his lips nervously as he glanced around the room, seemingly ignoring the argument, and then he slipped his hand into his sleeve. After a fleeting look at the two Captains he withdrew his hand, empty. Looking closer I noticed he didn't look perfectly attired, but I put that down to being in the cells. There was a small bruise on his cheek, both of which were slightly flushed and the feathers on his eyelids drooped slightly. One sleeve on his uniform was torn but he didn't seem concerned. Ikkaku, aside from a few cuts looked as normal.

Shaking my head I decided to try to intervene in the fight that was brewing between Captain Fong and Captain Yamamoto. "I think the Captain has been working too hard and is tired from today's events. Maybe we could discuss this later," I said quickly thinking up any excuse I could and knowing the distraction was weak. This was not going well and I was worried about what might happen if the situation continued.

"I'm not tired. I'm furious," Soi snarled at the Captain-General and ignored my attempt to calm the situation. My suggestion had provoked her further.

"We will not converse about this now," he replied a stern look on his face which I knew meant he would not change his mind. I didn't like the way this was going.

"I'll go without alcohol if Yumichika goes without sex. That do you?" Ikkaku offered, frowning, as he cast a worried glance at his friend.

Captain Yamamoto's lips thinned as he looked at the 11th Division 3rd seat. "No."

"Release us from lockdown and I'll abstain from both," Ikkaku said his face grave. "But only 'til the Captain comes back. I can't see you telling him to refrain from anything again, or if you try he won't listen to you, like last time."

The colour of the Captain's face deepened in a telling fashion. It was enough to make me wonder if Captain Yamamoto had tried to restrict Zaraki and then remembered my conversation with Toshiro and the reaction of Captain Yamamoto to Zaraki in 4th Division. My husband had disobeyed some very strict direction from the Captain-General in rescuing me and I felt there were other matters I was not yet aware of.

"I do not make bargains with underlings," the words were hissed between clenched teeth. "In view of your inability to comply I will return you to the cells and place further restrictions on 11th Division."

"I don't care what you do."

I looked at Yumichika, astonished that he would say that. His voice contained so much melancholy that it made me concerned for his state of mind.

"Lock me up; deprive me of my only solace. It doesn't matter. My Captain won't come back, none of them will, and you'll appoint some wanker to replace him who has no balls or sense of humour. And all the other Captains will marry; all of them, and I won't have anyone. No one will be left for me," he muttered unhappily.

The breath gushed out of my lungs. He didn't think Zaraki would return and that thought was not to be endured. Despite any restrictions, any promises, I would follow Zaraki today, to be with him. I would obliterate anyone who stood in my way because life without him was intolerable. Once in Las Noches I could think of a few ways to persuade him to let me remain or I could just ignore his words and stay any way. For all he liked to tell me what to do, I didn't have to listen, or obey.

"Oh, stop being such a doom merchant, Yumichika. You were acting like this in the cells and I told you to get over it. Can you imagine anyone defeating our Captain? Why would all the Captain's get married now? Is there a bonus or something?" Ikkaku cuffed him on the back of the head.

"It's happened once. Ichigo defeated him," was the surly reply. Yumichika was rubbing were the blow had fallen and looking at his friend with marked bitterness. "Our Captain married. Others might follow."

"But our Captain got stronger, remember? The last time I fought him he was so freaking dangerous, I almost went b… begging him to stop," Ikkaku said, covering up his near admission about his ability to bankai. "So what if everyone gets married?"

"Shut up, both of you," Captain Fong commanded. "Of the people who went on the mission, I have the most confidence that Captain Zaraki will return. He has more compelling reasons to be victorious and return than ever before." She glanced at me and I saw Yumichika and Ikkaku stare in my direction and, slowly, Yumichika nodded.

"You're right. He does and I should never underestimate my Captain. It's just being in a cell makes me brood and I think about stupid things. I agree to your conditions Captain Yamamoto. I'll do what you ask until Captain Zaraki returns. I hope it's soon."

"It won't be soon enough for me," I said.

"Yeah. I got that impression," Ikkaku smirked. Then looking at me, he coloured and looked away.

It didn't take long for me to work out what he was thinking. The blood on the sheets must have confused him. One night, when this was all over, I might tell him, but only if Zaraki was with me. Shaking my head I refused to think of him now. It was no fun living with the memory; I wanted to experience the reality once more.

"Okay, Captain-General, both of them have agreed to those terms. Are there any others?" Captain Fong was noticeably impatient.

"They agreed to the other terms earlier. This was the only sticking point. In this case your word binds you to the agreement. If either of you fail, you will both be returned to your cells and the 11th will revert to full lockdown. Make certain the troublemakers are not patrolling the walls, but kept within your Division doing any menial task you can invent. I expect you both to check in once per day."

"Don't push it. We've agreed. Can we go now?" Ikkaku was exhibiting every sign of impatience.

"You may go. I will send further instructions later," Captain Yamamoto said and we all moved to the door eager to be on our way. "One more thing. Captain Fong, you will go to 4th Division and bring Captain Hitsugaya here. He needs to be reminded that his duty is to his Division, the Gotei 13 and me, not his friend."

Captain Fong had not turned around and I saw her roll her eyes at the command, but she responded politely enough. "You could send a Hell Butterfly."

"He has ignored the Hell Butterflies I've sent and the other messengers. Bring him here," was the cold response.

She nodded and we left.

A.N.

The soundtrack this time is a list of the songs I listened to when I was writing this chapter. It's more that this is a sound scape rather than a soundtrack.

Sound Scape

'Superman (The Perfect Crime)' Juno Reactor

'Lust for Life' Iggy Pop

'Miss Sarajevo' from 'Miss Sarajevo' by Bill Carter as on '_Passengers Soundtrack 1_' Brian Eno

'Where's Your Head At?' Basement Jaxx

Review. I like reviews. Oh, yeah. Thanks to those people who have reviewed. Zaraki should reappear next chapter, maybe.


	25. The Note

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Note**

"Damn, why did we agree?" Ikkaku growled furiously after we had walked out of 1st Division. "I hate giving up anything. Now I've got to live like a damned monk until the Captain returns. That will drive me barmy."

"I'm not happy either. Because if I can't drink, I can't escape the truth, but we had no choice. Captain Zaraki would cut us into miniscule pieces if the Division is a shambles when he returns. I don't want to think about what he'll do when he finds out Ran was hurt. The Captain-General gave us no choice," Yumichika said, his face set in a frown that worried me. He normally wouldn't frown so severely.

"We'll have to do something to keep the men occupied. That might help, but they won't like the edict about it becoming dry," Ikkaku was reflective and I knew he was right. No Division would welcome the ban on alcohol. The Seireitei might soon be in rebellion if Captain Yamamoto carried out his threat.

"I will try to persuade the stubborn old goa… I mean Captain Yamamoto that this will only cause more problems. It would be more sensible to moderate the supply, cut back a little. We should learn from the mistakes of others, not recreate the same ones," Captain Fong said. "Lieutenant, I want you to come with me to retrieve your Captain."

"Why does she want me with her? That seems unusual," I thought as I agreed to her request. There were so many strange things happening I knew I needed to talk to Mai as soon as possible. Once I knew the background, maybe more of this would make sense.

"Hey, Ran, is it true that twit Hinamori has a bun in the oven and it's Aizen's spawn? The guards were talking about it," Ikkaku asked.

I couldn't deny the truth. "Yes, but she's going to marry Iemura," I admitted reluctantly, hoping that this would soothe that particular rancour.

Yumichika and Ikkaku burst out laughing. "So he finally found someone stupid enough to agree to marry him," Yumichika said as he reached into his sleeve again and drew out a flask. I could hear the liquid swirl inside.

"Yeah, remember the time he asked Isane? She'd been nice to him when he was crying over something and he thought she was interested in him. He ended up in traction for a week," Ikkaku laughed.

"I think he cares about Momo; and she was relieved," I interjected. I knew about the rejected proposal; who didn't; but I had forgotten about it until now. Iemura had been unlucky every time he had become romantically interested in a female. Anyway, the Isane incident had been years ago. "He was so grateful when Momo accepted. I've never seen him so happy."

"I always thought he liked her," Yumichika said thoughtfully. "But when Aizen was around there was no chance she'd look at him, or anyone. I don't see her attraction. I prefer woman with a little more character. Women who can fight and don't cave in under pressure. Strong, beautiful women," he continued before becoming silent. He began to undo the flask in a practiced manner.

"No more drinking, Yumichika. I told you to stop when we were in the cells and I still don't know what you said to the guards to get you a refill. If you hadn't been drinking you wouldn't have said what you did when we were with the Old Man. You revealed too much. I told you to get over it," Ikkaku said, taking the flask from his friend.

"I didn't say anything wrong, I was just too honest. That's all. Give it back. It helps take away the pain," Yumichika said trying to take the flask back from his friend. "It's too late for me, now. She's getting married."

That made me think about the comment he had made in Zaraki's kitchen but I was confused about which woman he admired. Was it Nanao or Rukia? We had been talking about both of them when he'd had his outburst. They were both strong, attractive woman, who could fight but Rukia was engaged, even if it was two years before the wedding, and Nanao had up til now been focused on her captain. Though I had assured him that Shunsui was not marrying Nanao, I knew I had not convinced him. Which woman had captured Yumichika's attention so much that he needed alcohol to dull the pain, because he believed she was getting married?

"She'll never look at you, now. You're too far below her to even consider," Ikkaku said rather callously as he put the flask away. "You should have tried for promotion to lieutenant; we know you can rise to that level. We've been over this too many times and I don't want to hear about it again. Forget her and find someone else."

"Work out the problem in your own time. I'm not interested in your love life," Captain Fong's voice held a note of reproof.

I shut my mouth as I had been preparing to ask Yumichika who she was. One look at the Captain convinced me that any further discussion on the subject might be dangerous. Playing it safe, I changed the topic.

"May I visit Zaraki's quarters while we're in 11th Division? I need to change," I requested. While in the Captain-General's office I'd made my decision from which I would not be swayed, and I needed a bit of time to gather some items I wanted to take with me. Until now I had stayed here, tamely awaiting his return and I would do that no longer. What was the point in being obedient? It didn't bring Zaraki home. The main problem I could see was the 2nd Division members would never let me use the passageway without the consent of their Captain. How could I convince her to let me go?

"They are now your quarters. I will allow you 10 minutes only," Captain Fong said with reluctance. Why did she seem so anxious to go to 4th Division? "It will give me time to read the note from your Captain. There may be important information that I should convey to the Captain-General," but while she uttered the words I knew she did not believe them. Toshiro gave her the figurine and I finally recognised it for a valuable netsuke, for a reason and her comments about him made me suspicious.

As we had arrived at 11th Division, Captain Fong went with Ikkaku and Ayasegawa to provide the news about patrolling the walls, while I quickly entered Zaraki's quarters. Walking through the door I immediately caught his scent and stopped caught up by memories. I looked at the table where we had begun the consummation of our marriage, the area I'd been standing when he'd bitten my neck, the wall he'd had me against, all the places I had spent time with my husband. I began to feel an urge that only he could satisfy. Going into the bedroom I washed and changed and collected those items I needed, including my insignia of rank and the memory restoring drug. I wrote a note to myself which I placed inside the box, providing instructions on its use. I was already armed but added a few other things that I thought might provide some assistance while in Las Noches.

Looking at the bed I saw Zaraki's haori that I had worn the only night I had slept there, alone, and picked it up, hugging it. As I stood there, lost in memories I felt the touch of two hands on my breasts, strongly groping them, not fondling them or holding them the way Zaraki did. I'd heard no one enter the room and it had felt deserted, so who could be here? Mindful of my earlier resolution I drew the short knife I had concealed in my sleeve and turned quickly slashing at the person who had invaded my reflections and space. The form I slashed at quickly dissipated and faded but not before I saw the wide grin and slanted eyes of my former lover. For some reason, though the form appeared to be his, it didn't feel like him. I didn't want to think who it felt like.

A small blur flashed in front of me and I saw Captain Fong with her blade drawn, ready to kill whoever was there. "I felt that slimy bastard's reiatsu," she said. "It was only a small hint of it, but I couldn't let them do anything to you on my watch. Not again."

Ikkaku and Yumichika came running into the room. "Are you okay, Ran? We were talking to the Captain and she suddenly dashed off. Yumichika said he thought he felt a traitor's reiatsu, but couldn't tell which."

I sat on the bed, very confused, and my eyes fell on the pet rock Gin had given to me many years ago. Zaraki had questioned my possession of the thing and I had thought about throwing it out but now I looked at it somehow seemed different. With a peculiar feeling of revulsion I picked it up and turned it over. There was something inscribed on the bottom of the rock, some symbols I didn't understand but knew I had seen, years ago in some work on magic. The rock had never had anything on it like that before that I had noticed. "I thought I saw Gin, but when I cut at him, he vanished like a ghost. He gave me this, years ago, but now it's changed." I held up the rock. "I've never seen these symbols before."

Yumichika took the rock from me and looked at it closely. I think I've seen something like this before. These markings are recent. What do you see, Ikkaku?" He held out the rock to his friend.

"Don't bother giving it to me. Give it to the Captain. She knows more about these things," Ikkaku said waving it away.

Gingerly taking the rock, the Captain looked at it closely. "I think it's a focus, but I don't know. When he was skulking around the Seireitei, I suppose Ichimaru might have come here as you were occupied in the bathhouse for some time, or even when your possessions were moved here. What its purpose is eludes me. Akon might have some idea. I'll keep this and ask him." She dropped the rock into a small bag and then placed it in her pocket.

"What makes you think a skunk from that questionable division will help you?" Yumichika asked as I wondered the same thing. Akon had already proven his loyalty to his Captain over his loyalty to the Seireitei.

A chilling smile crossed the Captains face. "Very few people are stupid enough to deny my requests, at least a second time," was all she said. I believed her. If she'd asked me any question then I would have had to answer truthfully.

"Better get back to the men. They'll be wondering what's going on," Ikkaku said. "See you tonight, Ran."

"Uh, yeah," I said. There was no reason to arouse their suspicions by saying anything else. I had made a firm commitment that at nightfall I would no longer be in the Seireitei, but I still had to work out my method of exit. If I could use the passage to the human world, maybe I could convince Urahara to assist me. He'd demand a hefty price, so I had to have money, more than enough to bribe him.

"Are you ready to talk to your Captain?" Captain Fong demanded.

"Not quite," I said. The strange incident reminded me of a few more items I might require and I wanted to make certain I carried enough money to bribe the former captain.

"I will sit outside and read the note," the Captain said, as I stood there hesitating. If she saw what I planned to take she might guess what I was planning.

I nodded and she left the room. Gathering the last of the items I went and stood in front of the mirror, trying to make myself look as attractive as I could for when I saw Zaraki. Tiring of that quickly as I would prefer to be moving toward him rather than primping, I finished and went out into the kitchen, packing a small bag with snacks and water. Returning to the room where I expected to find Captain Fong I was surprised to see Arai Hsiao bowing deeply as I entered the room. I stopped in the doorway. Why was he here?

"As Captain Zaraki ordered me to serve you, I had been ordered to stay with you at all times," he said as he straightened, a friendly smile on his face.

"I don't want someone following me around all the time," I protested. If he was with me it would make following Zaraki that much harder.

"I agree with the decision," Captain Fong said as she looked up from the note she was reading, an inscrutable expression on her face. Even so, she seemed happier, almost excited and it added confirmation to my speculation. Once again the contents of the note intrigued me but she quickly folded in and returned it to the envelope.

Pushing my hair back from my forehead in exasperation, I decided that I would accept matters, for the moment. I could lose Arai, if I needed to, and if I protested too much I might be questioned about why I objected so strongly. "Okay, fine. Just stay your distance. I hate being crowded," was my token condition.

"Lieutenant, do you have paper and a pen? I wish to reply to your Captain," was the unexpected question from Captain Fong.

Standing in the room, I looked around. How could I explain I didn't know where anything was? I could return to the bedroom, but deciding to look in the most obvious place I went to the table which had assisted in the 'consummation' of my marriage and opened the drawer. Fortunately there were writing materials within the drawer and I supplied these to the Captain who dashed off a few words and handed it to me.

"Would you hand this to your Captain before I speak with him? I believe I should check on Lieutenant Hinamori before we return to the Captain-General so that I can assure him of her continuing recovery," she stated and I wondered if I detected a cynical note in her voice as she spoke of Captain Yamamoto. "Why are you carrying a bag?"

I thought quickly. "I thought I'd take a few things to Momo," was my improvised answer.

As we left Zaraki's quarters I bid a silent farewell to the place I had shared too briefly with my husband. Each step took me closer to him and I hoped I could ditch my escort soon and be on my way.

There was little, to no conversation as we walked to 4th Division. Captain Fong had a very intense look of concentration on her face which I believed resulted from the note Captain Hitsugaya had sent her. Her lips quirked into an occasional smile, and my curiosity was driving me mad.

Arai followed five steps behind, having taken my request to heart, but I couldn't' think of anything to say to him. The man had tried to kiss me, when he was drunk, and I questioned the wisdom of being guarded by a man who had expressed his admiration for me. I had been overruled and I was sure the man meant me no harm, but I would have preferred Ikkaku or Yumichika to watch me. I knew I was being selfish because 11th Division needed them more than I did.

As we passed a large grassy area very near 4th Division, Captain Fong stopped, turned and looked at me. "Lieutenant, I made an offer to you earlier and I feel in need of some exercise. Would you care for some training?"

While it seemed an odd time to make the offer, I reflected quickly. Any training, any advantage it might give me might help me when I arrived in Las Noches. On other factor that swayed me was the way she had been interacting with me, almost like we were friends. "Yes. Thank you." I said as I handed my bag to Arai.

"Good. Draw your zanpakuto. I take it that you have communed with the spirit of your blade?"

I nodded. There was little point in explaining that we didn't always see eye to eye when we talked. Each time we tried, either one of us wanted to chat and the other to nap, or neither of us could think of anything interesting to say. Did everyone have the same trouble with their spirits? What could we talk about? Fighting?

"Try to establish that communion within your mind as we fight. Try to rouse it's emotions as you fight so that they blend with your own," she said before she attacked.

I was shocked at the speed of her moves and sprang back while trying vainly to get the spirit to listen to me. "Come on. We're fighting. You always tell me only to use you on a worthy adversary. Well here's one. Aren't you interested?"

"But I'm tired. I was having a nap," whined the spirit.

The petulance in the voice annoyed me, but I knew that only cajolery would work in this situation. "You can sleep later, fight now," I implored it. "You've had a good rest," I said while remembering that I hadn't used my zanpakuto since I'd married.

"Only because you've been too busy with your husband," it harrumphed. "Since he came into your life you've ignored me. But this woman does have an interesting fighting style." There was a pause as it considered its answer. "Okay, but then I want to sleep," it insisted.

The conversation had taken seconds and Captain Fong was attacking again. This time with the zanpakuto's help I was able to meet her blade and push back. The Captain spun around from the force of my response, then stopped and nodded. "That shows promise. Do it again."

We closed again and this time I struck out almost touching her shoulder with the point of my blade until she dropped her shoulder and came under my guard. I quickly rotated my blade down and just managed to repel the killing blow she was attempting. She was fast, and under normal conditions I knew that I would not have managed to escape injury.

"This is more fun than normal," my cat told me and I nodded. A feeling of increased power flowed through my body. "I approve your choice of opponent." The note of approval was unexpected, but nice.

I didn't have time to respond to last comment as the conflict became fiercer. I hadn't known I could move in a well defined pattern that provided both offensive and defensive ripostes. The ideas seemed to arrive clearly in my mind, almost instinctively and I found I was following some of the more complicated measures that I'd had trouble with during my time at the Academy. It had taken time to master them, but I hadn't kept practicing them and gradually forgot some of the difficult designs which relied on timing, co-ordination and balance. Now, they came easily to me as I continued sparring against the captain.

Our blades rang against each other as the fight continued. Because she was shorter than me, she seemed intent on getting under my guard and to stab me from underneath. That was when she wasn't leaping and slashing at me from the rear. In a lucky move I managed to dodge her determined drive and my zanpakuto grazed her arm. Blood welled from the wound and I stopped, shocked that I had managed to cut the Captain. I had never managed to fight so well against an opponent but felt ashamed that I had hurt the person who was trying to help me.

"Heck," she said. "I let my mind get distracted by something," she said looking at her arm with anger.

'We better get this seen to immediately," I told her and then noticed she was swaying on her feet. Arai caught her as she fell and I was aghast. Had I hurt her elsewhere? Was there another more serious injury that was my fault?

Before I could say a word, Arai was carrying Captain Fong into 4th Division. I grabbed my bag and followed quickly as Hanatoro immediately rushed up to us. "Quickly take her in there," he told Arai, gesturing to a room. I went to follow but he shook his head. "Let me examine her first. I don't need anyone to interfere."

I didn't want to wait. I wanted to find out if I'd hurt her badly, but my blade had only touched her arm. Cursing silently I stared at the door, willing it to open so I could find out if Captain Fon was in danger. Why was Hanatoro behaving like this? I had never seen him this concerned and unapproachable and it seemed wrong. It seemed that something had changed since my departure to the human world. People I thought I knew had secrets or sorrows that I didn't share. My Captain was carrying a heavy burden and Yumichika was lovesick, but for whom I didn't know. Until now I had not realised that the Seireitei was a place that contained many secrets. When the traitors had left, I thought all the enigmas had been disclosed.

Loathe to remain standing in the hallway, I decided to visit Momo and as I walked to her room I saw my Captain. He was leaning against the wall, looking serious, as normal. His expression brightened when he saw me and I remembered the note Captain Fong had given me.

"Toshiro, Captain Fong asked me to give this to you," I said as I handed him the note.

Opening the note he scanned the contents and, amazingly, a smile broke over his face. "Where is the Captain?" was his eager question.

The question made me feel guilty. "She's being treated for an injury that I caused," I admitted, making my voice small. Hearing it spoken aloud made it sound worse than I'd thought.

"What did you do to her? There's no way you could have hurt Soi!" The amazement in his voice was not very flattering.

The comment made me feel both angry and guilty. Did Toshiro have such a low opinion of my fighting skills, or a high opinion of Captain Fong's? Tartly I answered, "She was training me and I cut her arm. She fainted and we brought her here as soon as we could."

"Where is she?"

I told him and began to follow him, thinking that he would not listen to any excuses, but would find out the situation faster than I could.

"Don't. Stay here. Talk to Momo. She's been making my ears hurt with wedding plans and if I'm asked about the colour of the flowers one more time, I'll insist that she should invite Aizen to the wedding or that a bunch of weeds would make a statement. You're a woman. You talk to her," he said and before I could answer, he had gone.

I knocked on the door and opened it to see Momo surrounded by paper. "Ran. Come here, I need your help. There's so much planning to do and Iemura has to work so it's up to me. I want my wedding to be special."

Smiling I obeyed. Fifteen minutes later I was trying to think of a way to politely leave, or even impolitely. Her plans made my wedding look like an impulsive action, which it was. That aside, all her thoughts and suggestions made me grateful for the spontaneity of my ceremony, especially when she showed me a picture of the wedding kimono she planned to wear. The layers of fabric, the large obi, the complicated design and tight fit made it, beautiful though it was, look like a cleverly designed straight jacket.

"Isn't that going to be hard to move in?" I suggested.

"We all have to suffer for beauty," Momo said.

I looked at her, desperately trying not to laugh. She'd said that to me once before when she had told me about some new beauty treatment that had been recommended to her. It had involved rubbing salt over the body and that was only the preparation. The rest of the procedure sounded like a torture designed as a reward for stupidity. When she had refused the treatment, the beauty consultant had pursed her perfect lips, raised a carefully waxed eyebrow and commented "We all have to suffer for beauty."

Momo slid a look at me and her face broke into a wide smile. I began to laugh and she quickly joined in.

"You never meant to wear that kimono," I accused when I could catch my breath. Wearing that kimono would make the wearer more of a prisoner than a bride and while Momo wasn't the most assertive person I knew, it would be strange for her to decide to constrain her movement and enjoyment of her wedding.

"Of course I didn't. It's beautiful, but so much work. Seven layers! I may as well wear bedding!"

"Two mattresses; one at the back and one at the front tied on with rope. Very sexy," I joked back the mental image made me laugh even harder.

Momo suddenly became still as the words were uttered and silence descended suddenly on the room. After a moment she asked, "What about sex, Ran. Iemura will want sex eventually. What will I do?"

"Forget Aizen and forget Gin. They aren't worth remembering," I said a wave of nausea overcoming me as I thought of my treatment at Aizen's hands.

"But I don't know what to do. What do you do with Zaraki? How do you please him?"

I cleared my throat as a rush of memories about pleasing and being pleased by Zaraki crossed my mind in very graphic detail. The colour rose in my cheeks and I felt an unambiguous surge of lust for my husband. Dampening it quickly I tried to pay attention to my friend.

Momo continued, not noticing my distraction. "What about the first time? What did you do?"

"Fought against him, sort of," I said without thinking and saw the amazed look cross her face. "Look, forget what I said. It was different circumstances to you and Iemura. I'm the worst person to ask," I protested. "Wait until Captain Unohana returns. She knows about the body. Ask her."

I didn't want to discuss anything about sex with anyone but Zaraki. That wasn't quite true. I wanted sex with him, immediately. My breasts ached for his touch and I longed for him to touch me, caress me.

"But, do you enjoy it?" The question was asked hesitantly and I knew I should answer this honestly.

"With Zaraki? Yes, every time," I thought it best to keep my answer brief and truthful.

Momo nodded and began talking about other things. After a few minutes I made my excuses, explaining that I wished to find out if Captain Fong had been badly injured. I also wished to continue my plan to follow my husband.

Returning to the room where Hanatoro had taken the Captain, I noticed it was empty. Where was Captain Fong; where was Toshiro?

I heard a thud against a door. It seemed to be the linen closet not far from Momo's room. The noise was repeated. I went and opened the door.

Inside I saw something I had half expected, but denied. My Captain was holding Captain Fong in a close embrace, kissing her passionately. Instead of pushing him away, the 2nd Division Captain was kissing him in return and her hand was pulling impatiently at his sash while she tried to undo it. They didn't seem to notice I was there, even though I was sure the door being opened had made a noise.

Captain Fong! I'd believed after her advances to me, that she preferred women, but she seemed comfortable enough being held in Captain Hitsugaya's arms and there was no denying the passion with which she was returning his kiss. What magic had Toshiro performed on the woman to make her change her mind?

"Toshiro," I said, the surprise in my voice making it sound louder than normal.

He pulled his mouth from Captain Fong's and said to her, "I thought you'd locked the door."

"I would have but you began kissing me and I forgot," she replied tartly, glaring at him.

Toshiro returned her glare and then smiled at her. "I like it when you glare at me. It makes me want to kiss you again," Toshiro said his face moving closer to hers and I grabbed his shoulder.

"Captains! What are you doing?" Didn't they care that I was watching? I knew that this had to be the 'impossible' female, the woman Toshiro was not sure he loved when he asked me if he should marry Momo.

My Captain and Captain Fong? I found it hard to believe, but watching them embrace was convincing, especially as they appeared to be able to ignore my presence. The note I'd taken from Toshiro to the Captain must have contained an apology or something. I wondered if I would ever know what he had said.

"What's it look like? We're sorting linen," Toshiro said, still not looking at me.

Captain Fong chuckled at his explanation. "I've only heard it called that once before."

They smiled at each other, sharing a memory and began to kiss again, fervently. Watching them made my longing for Zaraki increase. Why did everything remind me of him?

Maybe this was the leverage I needed, but it seemed unscrupulous to me. "Um, Captain."

"Let me guess. If we let you use the passageway, so you can rejoin Zaraki, you won't tell anyone," the both turned to me and looked at me carefully, though it was Captain Fong who spoke.

Why pretend? They both obviously had worked out what I planned, though I was not sure how. "Yes."

Heaving a sigh, Toshiro rearranged his clothes. "The Captain-General forbade you to follow your husband, remember? You have to stay here."

"He didn't forbid me, just said I had to stay in the Seireitei," I protested. I was certain that the embargo hadn't been placed on me following Zaraki.

"Your husband told me that you were not permitted to accompany him," Toshiro answered pointedly.

I nodded. That was true, and I hadn't, but this was days later. He had forbidden me to follow him, but I had only agreed to stay behind. The worst threat he made was that he would send me back, but if I kept him distracted, he might want to keep me with him. I wouldn't distract him when he was fighting. Anyway he couldn't tell me what to do, even if he thought he could. "I'm following him but maybe we could make it official, like an important message that needs to be delivered?"

Captain Fong laughed, and I was shocked. I had not expected her to be amused by our conversation, but looking at her I could see her eyes were bright and happy. Toshiro was holding her by the hand and I wondered how long they had been involved and the length of time they had been separated.

"Not only does she want our help to break the restrictions upon her, she requires official sanction to follow her husband. Your lieutenant is full of surprises, Toshiro."

"But it will annoy the Captain-General if we help her," he replied. They shared a look that made me recognise that there was a shared history here and an understanding that was deeper than that created by a few days of sex.

"We don't want to do that, do we?" While the words were right, the tone was satirical and the expression on Captain Fong's face reminded me of her obvious displeasure with Captain Yamamoto.

'No, we don't, Soi. Not after all the care he's shown for his subordinates," Toshiro replied a steely look in his eye. Captain Fong nodded in agreement, a stern look on her face.

Now I understood that my Captain was also angry with the Captain-General. What had he done that had annoyed my husband and these two Captains' so much? Zaraki hadn't told me he had issues with the man, but I could tell from his attitude while we were in 4th Division. As I thought about it more I acknowledged that Retsu had not been very happy with him either. There was something seriously wrong in the Seireitei, and it wasn't only the betrayal by the three Captains. Alliances had formed where there previously was only contempt and distrust. Captain Fong appeared to respect Zaraki, had formed a friendship with Retsu and had fond feelings for Toshiro. Toshiro loved Captain Fong, to all appearances, and had become friendly with my husband and one of my best friends. And yet, their respect for the Captain-General had dissolved for some unknown reason.

"What has the Captain-General done?" I didn't expect an answer and I was not disappointed.

"What makes you think he's done anything?" Toshiro countered quickly. He tried to keep his expression blank and innocent, but I had seen that expression before and knew there was something he was keeping to himself.

Captain Fong shook her head, a severe expression fixed on her face. "Captain Yamamoto owes us no explanations. He is our Commander and we do not have the authority to question his orders." The words were exactly was any dutiful Shinigami should say, but they rang false.

Placing an arm around her shoulders, Toshiro hugged her close. "If you say it often enough, you might believe it," he told her quietly.

"Never," she replied tartly, pulling away from his embracing arm. "If I suspect you believe it, you might find a hornet stinging you."

Then it finally struck me why my Captain had sent the gift. Of course, her blade had the hornet's sting! Now it made sense. I wondered where he had obtained that particular piece as it was patently valuable.

"Is that likely, that I'll believe it, especially with you to remind me?" His raised brows indicated his inability to believe that he would change his mind.

The 2nd Division Captains lips thinned as she carefully studied my Captain and she shook her head. "No."

"If you help me it will annoy Captain Yamamoto; and Zaraki," I said, acknowledging that I was asking them to invite possible future problems if they assisted me. Not that I doubted they knew what might be possible repercussions, but I would owe then greatly if they assisted me. How would I ever be able to repay them if they helped me?

"You can handle your husband and we will deal with any issues from the Captain-General," Captain Fong said, assurance in her voice. "You never told me your lieutenant had an ability to obtain what she needs. She's more intelligent than I thought."

"Yes, she is. Very well, Matsumoto. I feel indebted to you so I'll help," my Captain said. His tone was indulgent as he again hugged Captain Fong close.

This time she did not resist and looped one arm around his neck. "And if it will exasperate the old man, I'm for it," Captain Fong agreed and then sighed. "It looks like we may as well get this moving and then we can go back to your place, Toshiro."

A smile of anticipation lit p Captain Hitsugaya's face and it was evident that they would both endeavour to work as fast as they could in the expectation of spending some time together. I knew how they felt.

Looking from one to the other, I began to hope that I would soon be with my beloved husband. When we returned, together, I would try to find out what was going on. There were undercurrents here that concerned me, making me fear that the stability of my home was threatened. It was not just this new relationship, but the very air of the Seireitei seemed charged with intrigue.

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The journey to Hueco Mundo was tedious. Time passed too slowly as I traversed the path accompanied by Arai. I had protested wanting to make the journey alone, but was quickly informed that if he didn't accompany me, I would remain in the Seireitei. My heart beat fast as I strode quickly toward the place where I knew I would find my husband.

We arrived in a building, a hallway I found strangely familiar. I flinched at the memories the hallway brought to me, but ignored my instinctive cringe.

"So this is Las Noches. All the guys will be green when they find out I was here," Arai said.

"Shhhh! I think this place is monitored," I told him as I located the camera. A quick flick of my wrist and the concealed knife shot toward the lens, breaking the device. "Keep it quiet," was the next piece of advice as I retrieved and replaced the knife.

He stilled and looked at me with admiration. "I didn't know you could do that. No wonder our Captain likes you so much," were his words.

"He's never seen me fight," was my sour response. "I want him to train me, but he doesn't think I can protect myself."

I glanced down the hallway, unprepared to discuss it any further, as anger and love warred within me. The stark white walls were cold and forbidding and sound echoed off the walls. Furious, I gnawed at my lip, knowing I was the one responsible for the noise. If the Arrancar came now, it would be because of me.

"I don't think it's that," Arai said, obviously trying to keep his voice as quiet as he could. "I didn't want you to come here, either. Not because you can't protect yourself, but because it's dangerous."

I lifted my shoulders and let them drop. Men and their stupid notions!

It was strange, I had been intent on getting here to be with Zaraki and now my emotions were volatile, hate mixing with love and fear over riding everything else. Most of this was due to being once more in this place that had nearly caused my death and compounded my fear of rape, and Aizen.

I didn't want to think about that now. Zaraki was my focus, my only focus. And I had to deliver the message, because even though the mission had originally been a farce, new information had been uncovered that was vital. All the Captains had to be informed as quickly as possible. If I could find my husband, he would help me inform the others. Closing my eyes I sensed his reiatsu. Could he feel me, or was he too busy fighting to notice my arrival? I had to find him soon. Being with him would help me sort out all these conflicting ideas of anger and love and if he kissed me I would be reassured that he loved me.

"Lieutenant, I'll just check down this corridor." Arai was already walking away and I nodded. Standing there, I waited for him to return.

I heard footsteps approaching and began to turn toward the source of the sound thinking Arai had returned, but a large, hard body pressed itself against my back before I could complete the turn and pushed me toward the wall. I stiffened, for a second, fearing who the person was as the strong metallic smell of blood washed over me. My hand dropped to my zanpaku-to and I was about to draw, determined not to allow any person to touch me.

A.N.

If you thought the plot was complicated and twisted before, things become a little more interesting from now on. Or maybe what's in store appeals to my tainted nature.

The next chapter of Obsidian and Alabaster is complete, but later, later, later. When I feel like it, or something.

Okay, it's that time of year when I get sentimental. Urgh. Can I really be this sickening?

Thanks to: cardamom, Tiggabear, smiffykittykitty, spedclass, Barbed Wire Proxy, Afrieal, aniprincess13, Riiiceballe, Kichiki, BlkAnzGrl (do I have to continue?), majinme, happygirl24, AftereverOwmi, Neltusailormoonpie and Haraio, for the regular support. Oh, and thanks to the other people who've reviewed.

Now that's over, I'll return to normal abrupt comments. If you want an update: review.

Soundtrack

'Missing' Everything but the Girl

'Dreaming of You' Thrillseekers

'Time to Get Away' LCD Sound System

'Exit Music' Radiohead

Review. I like reviews.


	26. The Hypothesis

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Hypothesis**

_I heard footsteps approaching and began to turn toward the source of the sound thinking Arai had returned, but a large, hard body pressed itself against my back before I could complete the turn and pushed me toward the wall. I stiffened, for a second, fearing who the person was as the strong metallic smell of blood washed over me. My hand dropped to my zanpaku-to and I was about to draw, determined not to allow any person to touch me _and then I recognised the scent, the size, the touch of the hands, the reiatsu, the tinkling of the bells and the familiar hardness of the erection nudging me. Immediately my heart began to pound and my mouth became dry with desire while his hand snaked under the waistband of my hakama and the other slid under the fabric of my shirt, touching my breasts, rolling the nipples between his fingers, teasing them, making them rise to his touch. Shutting my eyes I could feel his touch more intensely and noticed that the hand on my breast was hot and eager to feel my flesh. I covered my hand with his and heard our rings meet with a quiet clink. It definitely was Zaraki.

As soon as I identified who it was I became damp between my thighs and when he touched me it only increased my arousal. Slipping his hand between my legs he stroked me, his fingers touching my clitoris, rubbing it gently making me gasp wordlessly in pleasure. Hearing my gasp two of his fingers penetrated me, stretching me slightly, exciting me further. I reached behind and heard him groan as my hand rested on his erection through the fabric of his uniform. It jerked under my hand and he clutched my breast tightly in his fingers. It was clear that he wanted me.

He released my breast and impatiently began to tug at my pants. From past experience, I feared he would rip them from my body and I only had one spare. I took off my zanpaku-to, leaning it against the wall in easy reach and quickly undid my hakama letting them fall to the ground, wanting there to be no impediment and then braced my hands against the wall, placing my legs far apart, knowing he planned to fuck me immediately. I didn't care as I needed to have sex with him as soon as possible and I saw no reason to object to the place or the time. He placed his zanpaku-to next to mine and I heard a strange muffled sound I nearly recognised then I heard the gentle sound of fabric falling to the ground. Surprising me, I felt his fingers part me and he quickly penetrated me with his fingers, stretching me and I vaguely noticed how slick his fingers were. After a few seconds he withdrew his fingers and guided his huge, hot erection between my legs and with one swift, hard thrust penetrated me. I gasped, my mouth stretching wide, as I felt my sex yield to accommodate his width and length while tears formed at the corners of my eyes at his size. I was still unaccustomed to his bulk since the restoration of my virginity but I didn't protest because my arousal was so great and his penis entered me smoothly. I guessed he had prepared himself very quickly. I opened my legs wider, wanting to feel all of him inside. He did not give me time to adjust, driving his rigid flesh fiercely into me over and over as I quickly became used to him. It took some moments and I began to push against him wanting the speed and glad to feel his need. Once I adjusted to his size, he felt so good as he thrust into me and it reminded me of the many times we had screwed. Each time he took me I wanted him, loved him more intensely. My blood heated as he filled me over and over again, taking me hard with passionate intent while the bells in his hair tinkled with each thrust.

One hand freed a breast from the confines of my shirt and he caressed it between his roughened fingers for a few moments before he pulled my shirt apart. His hand now caressed each breast in turn, making my nipples yearn for his touch as he teased them erect, wanting the feel of his mouth. Biting my lip, I managed to hold back the guttural groan that was forming in my throat. Tantalising he went from firm touches to light, swift touches that made me arch pushing my breasts toward his wayward hands. His penis continued to fill me and I was becoming more excited by the moment, but I wanted more.

As if sensing my craving, the hand, not occupied with tormenting my breasts, was brought to my mouth and I sucked them, wetting them, unsure why he wanted me to do this. His fingers then slid between my legs and he began stroking my clitoris as he fucked me. I was already wet but the moisture he collected from my mouth made me slicker. The more he touched me, the more he fucked me the wetter I became. His skin was burning against me and his erection seemed to become larger as he ground himself into me. I was responding quickly to his touches and I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, wanting to experience this completely, feeling him sliding into me in the maddeningly stimulating rhythm that made me want to come. His breath was hot on the back of my neck as he continued to drive into me, growling slightly and we moved together urging each other closer to orgasm. I lost control and now was moaning loudly as I was getting more excited, not caring that we were having sex in a hallway in the enemy territory or that anyone could interrupt at any moment. That wasn't important. My world, my purpose was reduced to the necessity to have sex with Zaraki. I had missed him so much and this was the way it seemed we had to meet. I'd longed for his caress, for sex, for him. The hand arousing my breasts moved to cover my mouth to stifle the noise that I was unconsciously making.

I found my legs were becoming shaky as my desire grew. The only sounds I could hear was the sound of our flesh meeting, the slippery, wet sound as his penis plunged into me, the chime of bells, my stifled moans, his soft growls and our combined ragged breathing. He increased the speed of his thrusts and his fingers moved firmly on me, fondling, rubbing me, and I came, almost falling to my knees at the intensity of the orgasm. Zaraki caught me by the waist and held me tightly against him as he found his release, pushing his face into my hair and stifling his groan on my neck. .

Withdrawing with a throaty low rumble, he turned me to face him and rested his warm, moist forehead against mine for a moment. "Hello, Beloved. I told you I'd be deep inside you before I greeted you." He touched my chin, moving my face up to meet his and then he placed his lips on my own, kissing me. That simple statement reassured me that it had been Zaraki who had taken me so forcefully against the wall, not Aizen. Aizen would not know that detail of our conversation and would not have tried to bring me pleasure. It wasn't that I had doubted it was Zaraki, but it was agreeable to be reassured. The kiss lengthened and soon Zaraki was pressing his hardening penis against me.

"Not the hallway this time," I suggested, allowing my hand to stray downwards to encompass his erection.

His hand pressed against mine holding it against him. "No. I want to take my time, enjoying you. And crouching down to fuck you was bloody annoying. Good thing we both came so fast. Damn it, Matsumoto. I told you not to follow me, but I can't think about that now. I have to take you again." Grabbing my free hand he pulled me toward a door and opened it. "Stay here," he ordered. He went into the room and was gone for a few seconds. I thought I heard the tinkling sound of breaking glass but I couldn't be sure. I grabbed my bag in the seconds he was gone.

"Matsumoto, I see a bed. Get in there, and get ready for me."

"Our clothes, our weapons," I urged quietly. I didn't want to be in this place without my zanpakuto again and moving around Las Noches, naked from the waist down might prove inconvenient.

"Do you have to be practical now? I'd prefer more passion." He picked up the items that had been dropped on the floor and followed me into the room.

Meanwhile I removed what remained of my clothes and the weapons I had strapped to my body. My stomach growled and I remembered I hadn't eaten all day. Searching the bag I found some nuts and an apple. While I was eating the nuts, Zaraki returned to the room and placed a chair under the handle. "No lock. I don't want to be interrupted," was his explanation. Seeing me eat, his face creased into a smile. I had bitten into the apple, trying to eat fast. Coming close to me, he licked my chin where the juice of the apple had dribbled and then his tongue trailed down my neck, licking it slowly and moving further south which made it very difficult to concentrate on eating. I offered him a bite of my apple and his large white teeth bit a huge chunk out of it.

"You're hungry again," he said as I finished the rest of the apple. He took the core from my fingers and ate it in two bites.

"You don't like me thinking about food when we're screwing, do you?" I answered. I was still hungry, but the nuts and apple took the edge off my appetite. I reclined on the bed and watched him closely as he stripped, removing his eye-patch and remaining clothes. He moved onto the bed drawing me close but I resisted, pushing him onto his back. The sight of his body frightened me as now all the wounds and cuts were exposed to my gaze. "You're injured." His shoulders, chest, and arms in fact all his body showed signs of combat. Some cuts still seeped blood and seemed too deep to be less than mortal wounds. "Why didn't Retsu fix these? I'm going to heal you."

"I felt your reiatsu and got away from her. We'll fuck and you can fix me later?" he was scowling, displeased by my suggestion and seemed prepared to argue.

"No sex until you're healed," I was firm and began to mend the worst of the wounds using kido. Not that I was particularly talented with this type of healing, but I could try. While in the human world, Orihime had worked with me, showing some different methods of healing. While I didn't have her ability some of the things she had shown me had improved my healing abilities considerably but I had little opportunity to use them. I would have tried to heal Captain Fong after I injured her, but Arai had moved too quickly.

Even though I was busy it did not stop him from exploring my body with his hands. His touch was more urgent and less tender than normal. It seemed that he was determined that I would forget healing and give into his demands. My gaze kept straying to his erection, wanting to feel it inside me again. It was all too distracting.

"Zaraki," I snapped, angry at myself as much as him. "I need to concentrate. If you keep doing that it will take longer to repair the damage."

"You could take my cock inside you while you heal me; let me feel you around me," was his suggestion, his eyes heated with lust as he gazed at my face.

I began to straddle him, thinking it might at least keep him busy but as I thought more about his suggestion I shook my head. "I don't think I'd be able to do that. You'd sidetrack me too quickly."

My hands strayed to his penis and began to handle it, stroking him the way I knew he preferred. He smiled, believing I was going to give in to my desire for him, but while fondling him, I inaudibly uttered a binding spell, unsure whether it would work. As I said the final word aloud, he heard and then looked at me outraged, as he found he was frozen in place. Taking advantage of his immobility, I did as much healing as I could while the spell held. There would be repercussions, I knew that, but the number and depth of the cuts and gashes scared me. Frantic activity like sex would make them worse and I wondered how much the injuries had already been affected by our earlier fuck.

"I'm sorry, darling Zaraki, but I want to help you," I explained as I worked. "If you stay still, this will take less time and then we can fuck again."

"Damn you woman," were the strangled words he uttered as he tried to move. "Cancel the bloody spell now." He was struggling hard, but barely moving due to the strength of the spell, still I knew that he'd free himself swiftly. I had to work fast.

To buy time I kissed him, hoping to distract his attention but found I couldn't concentrate. I stopped the kiss and worked as rapidly as I could, hoping the spell would last long enough. A few precious minutes passed while I closed the worst of the cuts and started working on the lesser ones. I wasn't sure how permanent the healing would be but I was trying hard, concentrating on him, but not the way he wanted.

I reinforced the spell to gain a little more time, but his struggles became harder and I knew it wouldn't be long before he was free. He'd be furious with me, that I knew, and I knew one way to deflect part of his anger. While working on his lesser wounds, I put it into practice. I wanted him inside me, but I wanted to taste him again, suck him until he came in my mouth. Sliding down his body I explained, "I have to suck you." I was now opposite his rigid penis and I opened my mouth wide preparing to fulfil my claim. He would remain still with his penis in my mouth and I might be able to heal him a little more and it might also dispel some of his anger at being bound by kido.

I ran my tongue over the head of his penis, feeling the silky skin against my tongue, tasting myself on him, and then took him further into my mouth. He seemed to grow larger as I took him further into my mouth continuing to exert my healing skills, but it was very distracting. I didn't want to think about healing him, but I had to try. I began to suck harder while caressing his sac which had become tight against his body. I could feel it contracting against my fingers as I touched him and I stroked him continually, trying to excite him further.

Hands grabbed at my hair, pulling it slightly as the last vestiges of the binding spell vanished and he began to thrust into my mouth. I gagged slightly as his penis hit the back of my throat but he didn't seem to notice. One of my hands now grasped his shaft, moving along it as I sucked him, stimulating him further and trying to stop him thrusting in so deeply. He groaned at the additional attention and thrust more shallowly, but faster. His balls were now tight against his body and it was obvious he would come soon. I clamped my mouth on him, sucking him even harder and with a wordless exclamation he came and I felt his hot sperm fill my mouth and spill down my throat. I swallowed, as much as I could; wanting to savour his taste again as my hands stroked his thighs.

Once he had finished he grabbed me and dragged me up to face him. "Never do that again, woman. Not the sucking, but the other stuff. Do you hear me?"

I knew he'd be angry and he was. His eyes blazed into mine and a dark heavy frown was etched into his forehead. I had only heard him speak to me with that amount of anger once before and instinctively I flinched away from him, only to feel his arms strong around me, preventing any movement. Feeling my resistance he pulled me even closer until I was having difficulty breathing. "I don't give a shit about the reasons. If you hadn't been sucking me when I got free I'd fight you, or bloody smack you. I've told you before, your mouth is good, but not as good as being inside you, feeling your breasts pressed against me. All the same, your mouth is better than any other woman's cunt. Now kiss me, a long passionate kiss to make me forget you used kido; stroke my cock and show me you want me."

I'd done the best I could. Knowing that made it easier to lean down to his mouth and gently touched his lips with mine. The kiss did not remain gentle for a heartbeat before he drew me close, compressing my lips against his and probing my mouth with his tongue as he held my face immobile. My hands touched him where he'd demanded and the more I touched him increased my desire for him.

"That's better," he said when he finally released my face. The fury had faded and his cock was hot and eager in my hands. I hoped he would fuck me soon.

"Yes. I missed kissing you," I told him.

"Only the kissing? Is that all you missed?" he sounded offended at the possibility and he gripped me tightly as if afraid I would try to leave.

"I missed everything about you. I had to come after you. Sex with you was constantly on my mind," I said as simply as I could. If I didn't watch myself I'd go into specifics.

"And then you used fucking kido on me. I told you before, it irritates me. If you ever do it again, you'd better be fucking me, not just sucking me when the spell fails," the anger in his voice hadn't faded.

Deciding to try to soothe him I drew his hands to my breast. "It's because I care about you, darling husband. You were injured and bleeding. I know that you don't feel the pain," I was exaggerating a little to please his ego, "but seeing those wounds made me hurt. You don't want me hurting, do you?" I didn't know I could sound as cloying as that, and I wondered how Zaraki would react.

"You can speak crap when you want. Even though it sounded sickening, I know you mean it," Zaraki said. Pushing my hair off my forehead he stared at me with near disbelief in his eyes. "I wanted you here. When I wasn't fighting I missed you, but you disobeyed me. Don't you ever listen to orders?"

The question made me feel like laughing and a small snort erupted from my mouth. "Not very well," was my admission. "I thought you already knew that."

"Now I'm pleased you weren't moved to my Division. How can you discipline your wife if she's your subordinate and won't obey you?" His kiss proved that the anger was fading as his desire for me grew.

"And you're such a role model of obedience," I muttered dryly. But that was part of his attraction for me, apart from the obvious. I could not see many other men ignoring orders to rescue their wife, except for Renji, but even as I thought that I realised I was wrong. Things had changed and from my conversation with Captain Fong and Toshiro it appeared more captains were questioning the strictures placed on them.

"You like me, remember? It excites you that I don't give a fuck about anything except what's important to me," was Zaraki's careless reply and we smiled at each other in understanding and then his eyes strayed over my body, lust in his gaze. "I don't know what I want to do first. I miss the taste of you." His mouth hovered above mine and he slowly he lowered his lips to mine, kissing me again, taking his time to explore my mouth with his tongue while I responded, desiring him. His hands were on me, moving over my body, stroking me.

"I'll lick you, but I'll wipe off the oil first. I didn't want to hurt you when I fucked you earlier," he quickly moved between my legs and, I had to stifle a groan of pleasure as he began to pay attention to me. He parted my lips and gently touched me, kissing me with his mouth. I had never felt a sensation like that before, his tongue swirling against me as his lips pressed against me. He buried his face deeper, simulating me more and for a moment I forgot to breathe. My plans at trying to heal him vanished as I couldn't think of anything but the sensations he was causing. Why had I waited all those days to follow him?

"I've been thinking about doing this since I left," he said, removing his lips slightly. I could feel a slight vibration from his voice which made thrills run over my body.

"I like the way you're thinking," I said trying to exercise as much control over my voice as possible, but found it broke a little. I never wanted him to stop.

He did not answer me, having again begun to kiss me, his mouth insistent on my clitoris. Waves of pleasure were travelling up my body as his tongue and mouth concentrated on my clitoris. He applied a little more pressure to my centre and it was too good to try to ignore. "Yes," I said as I rocked my hips against his mouth. I didn't care what he said. If he insisted I leave I was going to find a way to stay with him. Why leave him when I needed him, and this, so much?

To add to my excitement I felt a finger inch inside me. I had thought that he couldn't make me want him more, but I wanted his penis inside me. The thought went through my head but then I felt the climax that had been building in me break over me and I shuddered, my body convulsing as Zaraki licked me slowly.

After a few minutes I regained my breath and sleepily opened my eyes, gazing at the man with adoration. The way I felt now was one of the main reasons I was here. Dreaming about him, remembering the way I responded to him and desired him made life in the Seireitei impossible. My body craved sex with him and the deprivation was hard to live with.

He grinned, pleased with me, at least I hoped he was pleased. "You really enjoyed that didn't you wife? I think the whole of Las Noches heard you yelling my name." Moving me onto my side, his hands were moving over me, stroking me, lingering over my nipples, as his mouth met mine. My hands were no less busy as I repaid the attention, noticing his nipples seemed to gain stimulation from my touch.

"Again," I felt obliged to say, gasping for breath. Was he always going to be this insatiable? I hoped so.

"I want you again. You're stroking me so you know." He said before he kissed me again. This time I found the places in his mouth that had finally shown him how his kisses could affect me.

He rose from the bed and felt in the pockets of his coat removing the oil. "I don't know why I brought this. I got in the habit being with you." He quickly applied oil to his penis and then quickly moved over to the bed and pushed my legs apart, rubbing me with the oil. "Do you want to fuck?"

I pretended to think about it. "I don't know. What's in it for me?" I laughed at the thunderous expression that crossed his face at the question. He opened his mouth to say something but I quickly interjected, "I followed you, Zaraki, remember? I want you."

He kissed me quickly and then stroked me for a few minutes as if assessing my level of arousal. I writhed with pleasure under his touch feeling my nipples harden even further. "You seem ready, but I want to make sure."

He moved away from the bed and it confused me. What was he doing? "Are you playing games now, Zaraki? I'll beg if you want; just stop teasing me."

"How can you tell I'm your husband?" he asked, the serious tone matching the expression on his face. There was no laughter in his eyes, no smile lurked at the corners of his mouth and I was certain that I had to take this question seriously.

Why did he ask me that? Then it dawned on me that he had seen Aizen take his form and maybe he doubted I knew it was him. "Because of what you said about being deep inside me before you said hello, because of your smell, the taste of your come, your reiatsu, the way you touch me and talk to me. I felt the ring on your finger. Even when Aizen appeared as you, he didn't act like you or respond to my touch. He could never make me come like that. I never even felt of hint of desire for him, even when he looked like you. Actually, he made me feel nauseous."

He grinned at me, relieved, the lust becoming stronger in his gaze. "I wondered. I knew it was you as soon as I sensed you. I felt you arrive and came looking for you straight away. I don't understand about your reiatsu. It seems slightly different, like there's more of it than before, denser and stronger. I don't think Aizen would pretend to be you."

The thought of Aizen pretending to be me so he could have sex with Zaraki was off putting and I let the idea drop very quickly. Some things were better left to other people's imaginations.

Returning to the bed, he pulled me close and we kissed, the slight air of tension dissipating once we were assured that there was no artifice.

Now was the time to ask him something I'd been longing to request. "Darling Zaraki, would you do something for me?"

He frowned at me. "It depends. What is it?" There was reluctance in his voice and it made me wonder what he thought I'd ask.

Since he'd left me behind in the Seireitei, I'd tried to ignore the tingling sensation in my breasts. I wanted him to play with them. The earlier touches while we fucked had only made my desire become more intense. I gestured to my breasts. "Kiss them, suck them. I want to feel you mouth on them and I've been fantasising about you caressing my breasts."

He smiled at me, licking his lips, the heat in his gaze making my blood race. "You're asking me to play with them? Sure. I always like doing that."

His mouth fastened on a nipple and my legs unconsciously parted as I felt a rush of heat flow through me. "Yes, keep doing that," I implored. I'd longed for his mouth to kiss me and it was exciting me more than I remembered.

He sucked more firmly and his fingers gently with the other breast as I ran my hands over his back. The slight roughness of his fingers was exciting as he pinched the nubs slightly. I could feel the dampness between my thighs and while I wanted him to screw me, I didn't want him to stop pleasuring my breasts.

I'd closed my eyes and was unconsciously pushing myself against him as he moved his mouth to the other breast. The strong tug of his lips was becoming unbearably exciting and all I could do was sigh loudly with bliss. His bells continued to tinkle but it no longer worried me. It wasn't just the bells that made me react to him. My hands ran over his back, enjoying the strength in his shoulders and the feel of his warm skin under my finger tips.

He removed his mouth and I opened mine to complain. I didn't want him to stop, I wanted him to continue. I felt him move between my legs as he parted them hungrily. Opening my eyes, I could see his eyes fiercely fixed on me as his hands pushed my knees up, exposing me. With one fast thrust he penetrated me and I screamed in pleasure. I had been aching with need for him, but I wanted his mouth on my breasts again.

Thrusting into me quickly a number of times, he pulled me onto my side and bent his head down to suck my breasts again. I was moaning, driving down onto him, and encouraging him to lick my breasts, running my hands over his head. He didn't disappoint me, occasionally licking around the whole breast, or kissing them with an open mouth.

I felt a new sensation in my mouth that seemed to require his tongue; I ached for the touch of his tongue while he was kissing me.

"Kiss me, Zaraki," I begged, but I was unwilling for him to stop sucking my nipples, "but keep touching my breasts."

His mouth descended on mine and his fingers gently touched my nipples, continuing to arouse them. His tongue searched my mouth and found the place I needed him to lick all the time thrusting into me rhythmically and making my vagina crave his penis. I wanted more of it, I wanted all of it. No wonder I missed him so much if this was how he made me feel. Without warning I began to come, arching against him, wrapping my leg around his thigh as I felt the passion and excitement flow through me.

He pushed me onto my back and began to thrust into me harder and more passionately. As I slowly opened my eyes I looked into his face and found his eyes searching my face urgently for something I couldn't understand. His hands were supporting my buttocks pulling me harder against him as he plunged into me. The sex wasn't gentle, but I felt that he was holding back, not taking me with the force he wished to, but he was still pounding into me.

"Come with me, wife," he commanded as his body began to tense above mine. He didn't need to ask as I had been so close to coming from the grinding rhythm he had set for the sex. He buried his face in my neck as he came, biting my shoulder but it added to the excitement and I climaxed as he thrust into me once more.

Incredibly, he withdrew a few seconds after he'd finished. That was not like him; normally as he liked to remain joined as long as possible. He slid down my body and rested his head on my stomach, kissing it gently and then rubbing his face against it. He'd never done that before and I wondered what it meant. Noticing my confusion, he grinned at me and then sat cross legged on the bed. Gently he pulled me close and then seated me in his lap, holding me tight against his body as he kissed me, a long kiss that made me want him all over again. I felt his penis stir under my buttocks and I wondered if he wanted to try another position. I'd never tried this position but I had a feeling that with him it could only be good.

Finally taking his mouth from mine, he looked at me again with the same strangely intense expression. One hand caressed my breasts and then my stomach, lingeringly.

"Beloved, there's something I have to tell you," he said and he seemed amused, proud and slightly worried. His erection was becoming more pronounced and I wiggled slightly.

"What, Zaraki? Is it something good?'

"Yes and no. It's something I want, but now I know, you have to go back," was his bizarre answer. "You're going back to the Seireitei as soon as we fuck again and you get dressed. That's an order."

I raised an eyebrow. We'd already discussed my response to orders and I didn't know why he thought I would obey him this time. "I told you, I don't listen to orders from you. What makes you think you have the right?"

He glared at me, his dark eyes bearing down on mine and I could see that it wasn't anger, but his overprotective nature that was dictating his action. Then his expression softened and his hand rested on my stomach, very tenderly. "Right? I'm your husband, your master and the father of this child."

* * *

A.N.

Yeah, Zaraki was in the last chapter. Damn, that amused me. Heheheh.

What, another plot twist?

Soundtrack

'Heart Go Boom' Apollo Four Forty

'The Great Gig in the Sky' Pink Floyd

'Looking For Something' Ty Unwin

'Feels So Good' B-15 Project

Review. I like reviews.


	27. The Hope

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine. and I make no money from this work. _

**The Hope**

I couldn't accept what he was saying as true. My mouth fell open and I gaped at him. "Me? Pregnant? How? Oh, don't answer that; I know how, but how do you know? I don't even know? You can't know; you're guessing."

He smiled at me, waiting for me to finish my rationalisation. "Your reiatsu is different. I bet you feel tired and you like having your breasts touched," his large hand cupped a breast as his thumb grazed the nipple, rubbing it in small circles.

While I found his touch intensely pleasing, I wanted more information about his insight. I reluctantly removed his hand, wishing I didn't have to give up the sensations but knowing it would make it impossible to concentrate if he continued. "But how can you tell I'm pregnant? I'd only be 4 to 5 days at most. I doubt if Retsu could tell, even if she examined me," I wanted an explanation. It seemed wrong that he could tell when I hadn't even thought about the possibility.

"I told you, the main thing is your reiatsu. It's different from the last time I felt you in Las Noches. Thicker, like there's more leaking out of you. Usually it doesn't leak like that," he didn't seem to want to talk about it and I wondered why.

"It could be because I've been training," I suggested, remembering my fight with Captain Fong. The man must be uttering his fantasy aloud, wishing I was carrying his child and for a moment I yearned for it to be true. I remembered the look on his face the night before he left the Seireitei as he spoke of his desire for children. That might be the reason for this crazy idea.

He laughed and I felt offended at his ability to take my training so lightly. "That's nice beloved, but it doesn't cover it. The pressure was so strong that I wondered what it was until I recognised you. Retsu told me if you got pregnant your reiatsu would increase and you'd probably be horny, hungry and tired and you are," Zaraki looked at me hopefully and then his mouth sucked gently at my neck.

I wanted him to stop, but wished he wouldn't. "Retsu wouldn't have said horny," I protested slightly. I couldn't imagine her mentioning it, but then she knew about Zaraki's desires.

His grin indicated that he hadn't quoted her directly, "She said something about increased sexual desire."

I leant against his shoulder, my hands eager on him, proving Retsu's words correct. I desired him and could not abide the thought of being parted with him for days but I couldn't believe he was right.

Pulling away from me he looked at my body, his eyes moving from my face downwards and he murmured reflectively, "My bite didn't break the skin which is good. Your nipples have changed colour; they've darkened like they had when you returned from the human world…" he said and then stopped as I jolted against him.

I knew what he was going to say and I didn't want to hear it. Rejection of these ideas was better than accepting what he was trying to tell me. My thoughts had presented the possibility to me many times, but I'd blocked it from my mind. Warm though Zaraki was my skin cooled as the truth was being forced upon me. In spite of all my promises and brave words, tears dripped down my face and I buried my head in his chest. "Don't say any more," I asked quietly. "I guessed but I don't want to know."

He ignored my plea and continued to talk, his words reverberating through my body and my mind. "Retsu told me only recently. When she examined you in the bathhouse, just before the party, she noticed you were pregnant," he paused and kissed me deeply. I enjoyed the kiss more than the truth he was imparting and I tried to prolong it as long as possible, but of course, he had to finish what he wanted to say. "She almost told us then, but decided to wait until after our honeymoon. When we rescued you, you weren't pregnant anymore. There was no sign that you had ever been pregnant and it worried her. She couldn't understand why it seemed like you were a virgin. Because she couldn't believe the evidence, she didn't tell us as about the pregnancy or the return of your virginity. I told her what the girl did and then she understood."

The truth had now been spoken. No matter how much I denied it, he knew and it must have hurt him. I'd wanted his child and it had been taken from me even before I knew it existed. Grief overwhelmed me and I lost all notion of time as I cried; bitter recriminations forming in my mind; hate, anger and sorrow fighting within me as I struggled to accept what was unacceptable. He'd told me he wanted me to have his child and recently he'd found out I'd been pregnant when I'd been abducted. I wondered how he would have broken the news if he did not believe I was now carrying his child.

Recovering a little from the first fit of grief, I noticed my husband was holding and comforting me as he would a small infant. He was patting me tenderly on the back as he rocked me in his arms, humming tunelessly. The noise was comforting. "I love you, Zaraki," I said, still crying, hoping he didn't hate me.

It seemed that this time, when I needed his comfort so desperately, he could provide it. When I told him of the rape, we were still too wary of our recently declared love, but now we had more knowledge of each other and a shared grief. He continued to rock me and I found the movement soothing. The way he was holding me and caring for me convinced me he would be a good father and I wondered where he had learnt to soothe like that. Then I remembered that he had cared for Yachiru since she was a baby. He might not know much about love or understand woman, but he knew how to care for someone who was hurt. This realisation only deepened my love for the man. He wasn't speaking but what words would provide solace at this point?

Aizen and Gin had taken so much from me. Gin had taken up so much of my love and energy. Aizen had stolen my confidence and more when he raped me, but I had permitted them to take these things from me and I was to blame. The loss of my child was not my fault, nor could I blame Orihime. I knew enough about her healing abilities to guess that when she had healed me and restored my virginity, it also caused the pregnancy to be rejected. Remembering her reaction to me and the Arrancar, especially her request that I stay with her, I guessed she knew what had happened, but had been forced to act by Gin and Aizen. I continued crying, my sorrow mixed with pity for my friend.

I would make those men pay. It was time that they suffered failure and I wanted to be the person to make them aware of their loss. Even though Zaraki wished me to return to the Seireitei, I didn't think I would be safe there and I was concerned that there might be another attempt on my life, or that of my unconfirmed child. How safe had I been the night I was abducted? I was staying where I felt safest; with my husband. I was remaining here, and I would confront those people who had harmed me. Back in the Seireitei it was expected that other people would fight my battles for me, but now I wanted to fight on my own behalf. I had more reason than ever to gain strength and learn to protect.

Gradually the tears dried and my sobs eased. Wiping my face, I kissed Zaraki trying to express my love and gratitude as I clung to him. According to his words, he believed I was now pregnant and that thought reassured me. I was still sad, and it would take a long time to mourn the loss, but the belief that I might bear his child made me feel some comfort.

He kissed me in return, his hand still firm on my belly and he possessively stroked it and then slipped it lower.

"Retsu said you probably got pregnant the first day, maybe the first time," he continued, unrelentingly. "So my threat to the Captains' was real, but we didn't know. She told me a few signs to look for in the future."

"The first time? In the bath house?" How could it have happened that quickly?

"Well, I didn't take any precautions. I was too intent on fucking you," Zaraki said meaningfully.

"I…, neither did I," I admitted. I had been so careful in the past, except with him. I refused to consider Aizen as that had not been planned or welcome. "I hadn't expected that you'd rape me." Every time we'd had sex I hadn't thought of doing anything to prevent pregnancy. I'd been too interested in how he was making me feel.

He kissed me hard and then glared at me. "I didn't rape you, remember? You came in and demanded that I have sex with you because you were so hot for me you couldn't stand it anymore."

"That's not true," I spluttered, outraged at how he had rewritten history. It wasn't like that, well not completely. "You ripped my clothes off, pinned me down and had sex with me. I tried to fight back."

He laughed as his fingers stroked my stomach and his eyes gleamed. "Yeah, you really tried. You tried so hard that you ended up imploring me to fuck you. You wanted me. You wanted me so badly that you interrupted my bath."

That was true. How could I counter it? Each time we talked about our first encounter it made me feel that I had acted as little more than a sex mad slut who had been prepared to go to any lengths to get this man to fuck me.

"You didn't have to screw me," was my weak protest.

"I would have eventually, whether you interrupted my bath or not. I was giving you time to get over Ichimaru," was his surprising reply. The shock made me sit very still. Until now he had never indicated that he had a strong interest in me before I took the initiative. He held me loosely, as if he was not restricting my movements.

"What?" Not the best question I could ask, but I didn't know how to frame a proper query.

A deep sigh lifted his chest. "Don't be so surprised. I thought there was some competition from your friends, but looking the way you do, I've wanted to fuck you for years."

"You never told me that," I said, colour flooding my face. From the things he'd told me before I thought he'd only casually thought about me. Why had he waited?

"Why would I tell you? Get real woman. I wanted to fuck you; that's all. But not while you were suffering. I gave you time and watched you to see when you might be ready. If I'd made a play for you it might make you think I was easy," he said his mouth close to my ear. He breathed warm air into the ear and I shivered at the change in temperature.

"You were easy," was my answer. Everything he was telling me didn't change my feelings for him. However, it did make me feel that the sex hadn't been all my idea.

"For you. Other woman; yeah, you know none of them lasted. They only wanted to check out the rumours about the size of my cock. None of them was important, only a convenient lay."

Something sounded wrong and I wanted to clear it up. "What about Retsu?"

A small, complacent smile played over his lips. "It really gets to you that I screwed her, doesn't it?"

Of course it did, but I liked Retsu. It didn't seem fair that I was jealous of the woman who had been so kind to me and helped me so many times. Why did emotions have to be so blasted irrational? What happened between Zaraki and Retsu had commenced while I was still with Gin. I wasn't sure when it had ended, but I thought it might be before my experience with Aizen. I had no right to be resentful of something so far in the past, but I was. My feelings put me in the strange position of wanting to know the details about each woman he'd screwed, but at the same time I didn't. Thinking of him with another woman made me feel sick.

"You're jealous, admit it," he urged me.

The bloody man sounded so damned smug. His fingers were now tracing the veins in my breasts, occasionally grazing my nipples, making me jump each time he did. Zaraki was too good at arousing me.

"No, I won't," I said, tensing against him. If I told him anything like that he'd become so damned full of himself, he'd never let me forget it.

He kissed me slowly, taking his time. I kept my lips pressed tightly together and he licked them softly, teasingly lapping at my mouth. His fingers then pinched my nipples. I gasped at the sensation, opening my mouth and he took advantage and kissed me with complete concentration. As his tongue explored my mouth and his hands stroked my body I began to lose my reason.

"You're jealous of Retsu, aren't you?" he said finally finishing the kiss.

"Not only her. I'm jealous of every person you've had sex with. I don't care who they are. I want them to vanish," I said passionately. How much did the man want me to abase myself?

"Good. Because I'm so fucking jealous of the men who've had you I want to rip them open. Each time I see Abarai, I want to castrate the bastard and I like the man. As for Aizen and Ichimaru, tearing off their balls would only be the start," he clutched me to him so tightly I was scared I would get bruises where he was holding me. The fury in his voice was very convincing. Suddenly he seemed to notice how tight he was holding me and released his clutch, a little.

"Don't be jealous of Retsu. She showed me how to please a woman even though what we had was only sex," was his next confounding remark.

I found that hard to believe. "Don't be jealous of Renji. He's a friend and I never loved him. But Retsu. Why did she agree?"

"Some guy she was interested in; he'd left the Seireitei and she knew it wouldn't happen. She wouldn't tell me who it was, I didn't ask. What we had was casual, nothing more," was his answer.

Who could the man Retsu liked be? Had she liked one of the traitors? But the arrangement between Zaraki and Retsu pre dated that. I wondered when it had been and who it was.

"Why are we talking? I'm hard for you and from what I can tell," he said as he slid his fingers between my thighs, "you're wet for me. Do you want me?"

I lowered my eyelids. "I want you badly," I admitted as I felt his cock fully roused against me.

"So, Matsumoto. I got you pregnant as soon as I took your virginity. This time, I want our child to be born. I love how it's made you so hot for me that you demand I suck your breasts and fuck you. One more screw and then you go back."

"Only one?" I pouted. If we screwed again maybe I could persuade him to let me stay with him. "You come back with me," I suggested.

"And miss out on the fighting? Be reasonable woman! I can't leave until the traitors are either captured or dead and I had fun beating the last guy. He was a bit of a test."

"Then don't try to send me back because I won't go. I don't feel safe in the Seireitei anymore without you," my voice sounded petulant and I knew I was being unreasonable, but I couldn't leave him, not after spending so much time and energy in getting here to be with him.

Before he could say anything else I decided I had to distract him. I chose the method that most appealed to me. I kissed him hard as I moved from his lap. Releasing his lips I held his penis, stroked it as I straddled him and slowly pushed myself on his erection, feeling it slide into me hungrily. It was an interesting position, one I had not tried quite like this. The closest time was when we'd fucked in the bath. I pushed onto him a few times, watching his eyes become hot and eager and then I stopped.

"If you send me back, I'll think you've screwing Retsu," I said, my voice catching in my throat.

"Don't say something so fucking ridiculous, beloved. How could I want her when I have you? Keep moving," he urged me his hands pulling at my hips.

"Not until you agree that I can stay," I said and then lapped his neck, tasting his skin. He groaned at my touch and impatiently thrust into me, holding me up so he could manoeuvre me the way he wanted.

"I mean it," I tried to say calmly as I felt fire coursing through my veins. If Retsu had taught him how to pleasure a woman I owed her, but I knew that the pleasure we took in each other was more than that. We just wanted each other so much that the sex was bound to be good.

He paused and his eyes lost their unfocused stare. "No. If you're here I'll want to fuck you and I won't give attention to the fighting."

I kissed him again, while I frantically thought of any leverage that could be used to make him keep me. Then I remembered that I was actually on authorised duty. As I kissed him I locked my legs around his thighs and remained still. He retaliated by slipping his fingers between us and gently rubbing my clitoris, rousing me so I found it hard to speak.

"I am here on an official mission. New information has come to light that I have to tell everyone," were the words I uttered between gasps. My hips were undulating on him now, as I lost any thought of trying to continue this conversation.

"Talk later. Fuck now," was the only answer I received.

I nodded. There would be time, later, there had to be and he would let me stay. If I could drive him to the brink, I'd get him to agree. I was staying even if it meant I had to keep screwing him until he agreed. That didn't sound bad to me.

His lips travelled down my left breast and fastened onto my nipple, drawing it deep within his mouth as he continued to drive upwards into me. The combination of his hot mouth sucking hungrily on my flesh, causing me to shudder and the strength of his thrusts made me feel like I was melting in his hands, my body moulding to his needs and desires. He was very restricted in his movement, but he still managed to plunge into me deeply, matching each move of mine with one of his own.

It became obvious that he didn't like his movement so restricted. Holding me against him, he lay on his back and then rolled us both onto the side. Grasping my leg he pulled it over his shoulder and began to push into me recklessly. I matched his recklessness, wanting to drive him to lose control so he would agree to keep me with him.

"Don't send me back, Zaraki," I gasped brokenly. "Keep me here, even if it's only for this." One of my hands slid down and stroked his sacs gently.

"Fuck! Stop doing that," he grunted and plunged into me as if he there was no choice.

"No," I groaned in reply. "Not until you agree."

He didn't answer, pushing his face into my neck and sucking hard on the juncture where the neck met the shoulder. I shuddered under the touch of his tongue and lips.

"Bastard," I tried to say, but the pleasure washed over me and I came, forgetting everything and I trembled with the rush of sensation that ran through me. I could hear Zaraki's groan of pleasure as he emptied into me.

As soon as we returned to our senses, and he withdrew, he pulled me close and held me tightly, not saying anything. I didn't wish to break the silence, fearful that to do so would mean another demand that I return to the Seireitei without further postponement.

When he finally heard my news it would be the deciding factor which would keep me there. If not, I'd have to tell him about the attack, without revealing the identity of the attacker. Even as I thought this I knew that I'd have to tell him everything because as soon as we arrived in the Seireitei, he'd hear all about it.

I shifted slightly in his arms, awaiting the demand for my return and dreading the inevitable argument. Deciding to distract him a little, but in a different way to my previous idea, I asked, "Why haven't the Arrancar come to try to take us? We couldn't offer much defence."

He laughed a little. "Tactics, woman. We came here and took over this part of Hueco Mundo. Killed any Arrancar we found and established a base. We're taking turns to guard the perimeter and I'll have to take my place. It means we can sleep comfortably and plan. Tomorrow we move out and take over more until we get to the headquarters of the traitors. It's more fun for me because it means I get more fights."

Now I understood why he felt he could spend this time with me. "Did you meet up with Rukia, Renji and the others?"

"Yeah, of course. That stupid kid was nearly dead by the time I got to him," he hissed. "I thought he'd be a bit more competent, but he disappointed me. At least I got a good fight out of it with the Espada who was winning."

"Do you mean Ichigo, Uryu, Renji, or Chad?"

"Ichigo." He fell silent and I tensed, waiting for him to tell me to leave. "So, what's the important thing you were sent to tell us? Why couldn't we get this news through normal channels?"

"Because I can't tell everyone and it is important. There's a traitor in 12th Division. They think Akon has been in communication with the traitors since they left." Now I'd told him I'd lost my bargaining chip. Why was I so quick to tell him? I could have used the situation.

I felt him move me so he could kiss me and he did, deeply, almost as if he was rewarding me. I let my senses be overwhelmed by the passion and the love.

"I know there's a traitor in 12th Division. God, woman, do you think I'm stupid? So now there's proof? Big fucking deal. I'll handle it," Zaraki seemed unimpressed with my news. "I can tell the others."

I waited, knowing what he would say.

"So, you've told me, you can go back."

He'd said it and now the fight would begin. I didn't want to argue against him, but I was not going to obey him. "I'm not going back Zaraki. It's not safe in the Seireitei."

He exploded "And you think it's safe here?" He still held me but his body was tense against mine.

"No, of course I don't," I snapped, but I had to make him understand. "Someone tried to kill me in the Seireitei after you left."

He took my chin between his fingers and pulled my face to look up to his. His eyes searched mine for any sign that I was not telling the truth. He sighed loudly and then demanded, "What happened?"

Indicating the place I'd been stabbed I said, "Someone stabbed me here with a poisoned blade."

His face darkened and he pushed me down on the bed, and checked the area between my breasts, his eyes inches from the skin. I had believed that it was impossible to see any scar but he kissed me exactly where the knife had struck me. "How did you know I was stabbed there?"

"Don't you think I know your body, wife? There's something a little different there so of course I saw it. Who hurt you?" I knew that tone and knew that I would have to tell him and try to explain. I felt guilty because it was my selfish desire to remain with him that might get Momo into trouble.

"Momo. She's pregnant with Aizen's child and she only found out recently," I didn't disclose her revelation about having sex with Gin. I still had trouble accepting that 'truth'.

"Your friend tried to kill you? Damnation," Pulling me into a tight embrace he tucked me as close as he could and seemed to be thinking hard. "If they can get at friends and influence them, that's bad. Now I understand why you said those weird things about the girl. Is she going to keep the kid?"

"Iemura has asked her to marry him and has agreed to bring up the child as his own," I explained.

His laugh was loud and I watched as he tilted his head back and continued to laugh. "What a pair! The eunuch and the twit." I smiled, but did not appreciate my friend being called a twit; at least I think he was calling her that. "Iemura offered to marry her? It's a good thing he did so before Hitsugaya let his sense of honour overwhelm him," he said and I found I was nodding.

"Toshiro asked my opinion and I told him it was a very bad idea to ask Momo to marry him. Iemura seems very happy that Momo accepted his proposal."

Pulling me close he kissed me again. "Thanks for the laugh, beloved. With any luck Iemura might actually grow a spine and some balls. But why did finding out she was up the duff make her try to kill you?"

"Akon told Momo about the rape and I think he twisted the facts a bit. He also gave her the weapons." Short but it contained enough information, at least I hoped so.

"Akon? He didn't think of that himself. Wait a minute, if anyone tried to kill you…Shit. You're not telling me everything. What happened to my Division? To yours?"

This was the part I dreaded. Keeping my voice steady I tried to explain it as impassively as possible. I tried to be fair in my explanation and provide the most balanced interpretation of events possible. Each time he interrupted I kissed him until he became quiet. He interrupted constantly and I began to wonder if he was doing it on purpose in order to receive a kiss. It took some time and all the kissing was becoming a means to a different end. Eventually I finished talking. He was silent for a time as he thought it through. He was still holding me and his erection was present but in spite of his arousal he was considering the information I had given him.

"So how did Ikkaku and Yumichika get released from the cells?"

"Captain Fong had something to do with that. Here she gave me this note to give to you," I had forgotten about that, and a number of other things, since I arrived due to the many pleasant distractions he provided. After a brief struggle to release his grip, I rose from the bed and searched through my uniform pockets finding the note which I handed to him. I watched his face as he read it through and noticed he glanced at me a few times and then back at the note. I hadn't read the thing. The Captain handed it to me at the last minute. Actually I had a few notes to give the deputation to Hueco Mundo, and I wondered why I was being entrusted with all these personal communications. Some of the correspondents were unexpected.

When he'd finished reading the note, Zaraki folded it and looked at me with an assessing expression on his face. His gaze did not drift to encompass my form; instead he concentrated on my face. "Is what she said true? Did you really defy Yamamoto and organise to get my men released?"

"Captain Fong did that," I said. I had only stood there while she made her case to Captain Yamamoto. I didn't provide much support.

"And you worked out a way to get around the lockdown so I'll still have a Division when I get back," he said, his voice deep and husky.

I began to shake my head and then shrugged. "I made a suggestion."

He continued to regard me and his expression softened and a smile of relief and pleasure crossed his face. "Sweetest Matsumoto. I owe you now and I don't know if I can ever repay you."

I wondered what Captain Fong had said and how much she had exaggerated the events. "It's nothing. I'm worried about the effect of the ban on alcohol and sex and how it's going to affect everyone."

Pulling me close he embraced me with considerable fervour. I surrendered to him, feeling a sense of relief flow through me that he seemed pleased with me. As he said he owed me maybe I could use that belief to persuade him to let me stay.

"No ban on sex here. They'll find a way around it, if I know my Division. The old man's gone nuts. People will focus on the things they can't have rather than preparing for a war. Fong writes about it here and she seems pretty sure she can change his mind," he said. As his lips moved down my face until they found my mouth I wondered what she would do, but when his mouth began working on mine I forgot to think.

Then I remembered that he was insisting on sending me back to the Seireitei and I pulled away from him. "Zaraki, if you make me return without you, I'll go and hide in the human world." I meant it, though I knew it was probably not much safer than the Seireitei, but I was sure there was some place that might be safe, especially if I had a gigai that concealed reiatsu.

"Not the human world! You're being pushy, woman. I'm almost convinced you want to stay with me. We're here to beat these bastards. If I let you stay you have to prove you can fight. I'll talk to Retsu about it."

Hope which had been dimming suddenly resurfaced. "Of course I can fight. I wanted to show you before but you treated me like a helpless creature. Why do you have to ask Retsu? Why not Captain Kuchiki or the other one." I didn't want to mention Kurotsuchi by name. Why did he have to mention Retsu now? He'd made me admit my jealousy of her and I felt nervous about seeing her, wondering how I would react.

He smiled at me, a malicious glint in his eye. "I keep reminding Kuchiki that as she's the longest serving officer, Retsu has seniority. It really burns him that I won't accept his authority."

Hearing the reason made me laugh as I could imagine the situation.

Then he became serious. "If you are pregnant she has to know that so she can assess whether you'll be a liability or an asset."

I poked my tongue out at him. "Why should being pregnant interfere with my fighting ability?"

"It might distract me. Now put that tongue away or I'll make you use it for my benefit," the teasing note sounded semi-serious. "Get dressed, Matsumoto. I want to have you again but I think we should get this sorted first. If you stay, you can stand watch with me."

Nodding, I washed and dressed. I was going to stay and we would be together. I wondered what standing watch with him would be like. Somehow it might not be a good idea as our attention might become focused on something more interesting than watching for people who wanted to fight us.

Then I suddenly felt the burgeoning hope swell within me. Maybe Retsu would be able to confirm my pregnancy. For all his words of wishing to send me back to the Seireitei, I knew that Zaraki would want to keep me close if I was carrying our child. He wouldn't want to lose this baby.

* * *

A.N.

Been updating 'For the Love of a Friend' in an attempt to make it catch up with this. At present it's about 4-5 days behind the events in this story. So, I guess I have to live with it.

The soundtrack got a little unconventional this time.

Soundtrack

'Where I end and you begin' Radiohead

'Tristan and Isolde Prelude to Act One' from Tristan and Isolde by Richard Wagner

'Twist' Goldfrapp

'Take me with you' Cosmos

Review. I like reviews. Oh, yeah, thanks to those who take the time to review.


	28. The Justification

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Justification**

As I dressed I replaced the concealed weapons and ignored Zaraki's satirical comments about my other concealed resources. After tidying the bed, I used the mirror in the room to make sure my appearance was not too dishevelled. There was nothing I could do about the dark red and purple marks on my neck and chest, the puffiness of my lips or the sparkle in my eyes. I looked relaxed and slightly dazed. It wouldn't be possible to pretend we hadn't been screwing, but those concerns had ceased to be important. My main focus was to convince Zaraki to let me stay with him. As I tried to tidy my hair, Zaraki came up behind me and nuzzled his face into my neck, his hands holding me by the waist.

"Darling husband, I'm trying to concentrate," I told him. It was a token protest at best.

"I'm not stopping you," he replied as he pushed my hair aside and his lips began to travel down my neck to my back. Of course he wasn't stopping me. He wanted me to focus on him completely and this was one way to meet his objective. His rigid erection prodded me in my back and I was tempted to remove the clothes I'd recently donned, but he had insisted that I prove my worth so that I would be 'permitted' to stay.

"Beloved, I have to go and find Arai. He came with me because you haven't released him from the orders to serve me." By this time it was highly probable that he had met up with the other members of the rescue party, but I needed to explain anyway.

A sigh, that seemed to express relief, escaped Zaraki. "I didn't think Hitsugaya would let you come by yourself and I wondered who'd escorted you here. A good choice, Arai. He's fairly clever, except when he's been drinking, and he's a talented fighter. He could have ranked higher; he's been offered 3rd seat in another Division but he refused," he dropped his hands but remained standing close to me. I looked at his reflection in the mirror and noticed he was frowning, apparently remembering some event.

"What is it?" The depth of his frown worried me and I became concerned that there was some further information that would make me uncomfortable if he revealed it.

"The fool said he wanted to remain in 11th Division. As far as he's concerned his rank in 11th Division outstrips that of lieutenant in any other Division." The frown slipped away as he spoke and a wry smiled passed across his lips as he realised what he'd said.

The statement made me laugh. There it was again, that loyalty that had been one of the triggers for my interest in Zaraki. A captain who was admired by some of his subordinates the way this man was had indicated that there must be more to him. "Arai thinks he's at the same level as me?" I asked.

"No; not you. I suppose you'll be different, beloved, because I chose you. Arai respects that. In the eyes of my Division you rank higher than any other seated officer except Yachiru, Yamamoto and me," Zaraki looked over my shoulder and met my eyes in the mirror. I felt my mouth grow dry as we gazed at each other, wanting to kiss him again. He gazed back at me, a small smile on his face.

"What are you thinking, Zaraki?" I asked without any hope that he would tell me. Gin never explained what he was thinking about, always stating it wasn't important. If I asked again he'd become progressively cooler or he'd leave. While I was in the human world, Orihime had told me that she'd read a magazine article that stated men hated it when women asked what they were thinking and wouldn't give an answer. It seemed like a strange thing, especially as both Gin and Renji expected me to explain what I was thinking when I was with them. With that in mind, I didn't expect Zaraki to answer, but I asked anyway.

"I got you pregnant. First time and second time," pride was evident in his voice. "How many kids do you want Matsumoto?"

He had answered but his words made me pause. We hadn't even had the first one and he wanted to know how many children I wanted? "I don't know." My voice wavered as I felt a pressing need to find out if I was actually pregnant. Of course he was proud of his virility and I was certain that 'somehow' people would find out the ease with which he'd impregnated me.

Turning me around, he kissed me gently on the forehead and then released me. "Come on. Let's find out if you can demonstrate why you should be allowed to remain and I'll prove I'm right about our baby."

He moved the chair and opened the door.

"Ken-chan, go and talk to Arai. I need to talk to your 'wife'," Yachiru's voice was clear and commanding. She was waiting outside the door and may have been there for some time. My heart sank slightly.

At least she wasn't glaring at me; her attention was fully on Zaraki and once more I was reminded of the strong bond between these two. If Zaraki had gone through with his idea of swapping lieutenants I believed he would have missed Yachiru very quickly. He was just too stubborn to admit it. I would have missed my captain and I didn't want to think about the amount of resentment that Yachiru would have for me. Even now I was pretty certain she didn't like me.

Zaraki turned his gaze to me and observed me with care before replying to Yachiru. "Why should I let you?" His voice was even and I wasn't sure what he was thinking.

"You said I could. I won't hurt her but I need to talk to her, alone," the plea in her voice was unmistakable. She was still ignoring me but I preferred that. I didn't wish to be alone with her.

I remembered the information Madarame had provided about how Yachiru had tried to interest Zaraki in other women while I was in the human world. In the time we had been apart had she again been trying to persuade him that I was the wrong choice and we should separate? My hand involuntarily rested on my stomach. No amount of influence would make me leave him now. Even if I wasn't pregnant at this point, Zaraki would make certain I was, very soon.

Zaraki bent down and said to her sternly, "You upset or hurt her, I won't overlook it." Standing, he turned to me, "Matsumoto, will you talk to my lieutenant?"

If I said no, it would appear that I was scared, but remembering her reaction the day we married I was not very happy about being alone with the girl. She had engineered that encounter outside Zaraki's house with the whole of his Division and her dislike had still been evident then, but she had protected me that night, even though she didn't like me. Perhaps her idea was that I should stay in Las Noches with Gin and that possible proposal made me grimace with distaste. Anything was likely. "I'll talk to Yachiru." I said heavily, knowing there was little point in trying to delay the inevitable conversation. I felt the familiar fight or flight commands within my brain and tried to assure my mind that the situation didn't require either.

Zaraki kissed me again, a sweet, slow kiss, obviously not worrying about Yachiru's reaction, or he was showing her that he cared for me. "Don't upset her," he told her.

Yachiru nodded and quickly came into the room. I was amazed when he left, closing the door quietly and without another glance toward me. Now the door was shut and his comforting presence was gone, I became more nervous about being alone with her and wondered what she had to say to me.

There was an uneasy silence. I felt reluctant to look directly at her, fearful of receiving a gaze full of hate and resentment so I busied myself repacking my bag. I knew she wouldn't be fooled by the manoeuvre.

Finally she coughed a little and spoke. "You tried to protect me when Smiler stabbed me," she began and I nodded. I'd made a bad job of it when Gin attacked her and felt guilty that I had not done more even if I had been drugged. There was no excuse.

"I didn't do enough," I said gently feeling that all too present tug of guilt over my failure.

"I'd hoped Ken-chan would finish with you while you were in the human world, but he missed you. I didn't expect that. He listens to me about everything, except you."

I stole a look at her and noticed that as she spoke she was not looking at me her gaze on the bed. Feeling relief that no obvious signs of our activity were showing I answered her truthfully. "I missed him too," I admitted not elaborating on how I couldn't stop thinking about him.

"I didn't want Ken-chan to marry you," she said very fast and stopped again.

She was being very honest. Deciding to wait until she worked out what she wanted to say, I studied Zaraki's lieutenant. She was cute, small and seemed very young. Her appearance was appealing and the spark of intelligence in her eyes indicated she wasn't the simple child she pretended to be so often. She looked at me closely and then appeared to come to a decision.

"I'm glad you followed us," the words came out with a rush. "Ken-chan has been acting like a pig and I think it's because he missed you. When he wasn't talking about you or fighting, he was brooding or yelling at his zanpakuto. One day, after he had a long talk with the Doc Captain, he went off for hours. He was really angry and I don't know how many Arrancar he killed before we got him back. The Doc Captain has talked to me lots while we've been here and Baldy talked to me lots back home. They both like you. Everyone keeps telling me you're good for Ken-chan, except for Slug breath. I don't listen to Slug breath."

I think my jaw dropped open at her words. She was pleased I had followed them? The reason for Zaraki's rage was evident to me: that must have been when he learnt of my earlier pregnancy. It seemed a more typical Zaraki reaction and one he hadn't disclosed to me when he spoke about it. Of all the things she might have said that was the one I had not expected, but she hadn't finished. I wondered to whom she had given the nickname of Slug breath, but had my suspicions.

"Don't let him send you back because he'll worry about you and then he'll act like a pig again. As soon as he felt you arrive he looked happy. I want Ken-chan to be happy even if it means he spends less time with me."

Each word made it clearer that Yachiru cared more for Zaraki than her own needs. I wouldn't be so selfless where he was concerned, but maybe we could work it out together.

"When you're with him you both look happy and gooey. It makes me gag," she searched my face and then added, "I think of Ken-Chan as my father."

At this, I nodded. Some had hinted that Yachiru's interest in Zaraki was romantic, but I couldn't believe it. Smut might make gossip more interesting, but too often it was untrue and became an embarrassment for the people concerned. Idly I wondered if I should tell Zaraki about Toshiro's relationship with Soi, or keep silent. I didn't think he'd be interested.

When I had seen the interaction between Yachiru and my husband, she had displayed the possessive manner of an overprotective daughter for her father who was prone to make bad choices. Obviously to her I was a bad choice. "I wish I'd had a father like him when I was growing up," I told her truthfully. "And if I had, I'd be jealous of any woman who interrupted," I added as I thought about it. No wonder she had reacted so negatively when I'd married Zaraki. Yachiru might hate the idea of us having any children.

As if she read my mind she said, "I was, but I'm over it. I've always wanted brothers and sisters." The heartfelt longing in her voice echoed the loneliness I had felt until I met Gin and after, when he'd leave me with no warning or explanation.

I was seeing a side of this girl I had never known existed and was touched that she was talking to me so honestly. As my expression softened she came close and touched my hand. "You don't have to pretend to be my mother."

Suddenly I felt sorry for the girl. She felt she had lost her father to me and that I would insist on estranging them.

"I can be your friend, if you want." I tried to keep my tone light as if the offer was unimportant. It wasn't what I wanted to say, but I was scared to say anything about that might make her regret her kindness. She had grown up without a mother and I was uncertain if she needed one now, or would accept me in that role, especially as she had already made that comment.

She shrugged as if it wasn't important, but I knew it was. Making a quick decision I knew I had to tell her about the possibility of a child. This news would affect her and I believed it was only fair that I should tell her now.

"Zaraki wants to send me back because he thinks I might be pregnant but I don't feel safe when I'm apart from him. Will you act like a sister to the baby?"

Her face lit up with a grin of relief and excitement and unexpectedly she hugged me. I wasn't expecting the embrace and at first tensed, wanting to push her away. Despite what she had said I hadn't expected her to be happy at this news. "Truly? Ken-chan's going to be a father again?"

I frowned at her words. A father again? Did he have other children and then my brain began to function. "You mean you," I said.

"Yeah, of course. I'll be an older sister. You can't go back now because Ken-chan will be antsy if he can't take care of you," her words were very firm.

Giving into an impulse, I returned her hug. "I want to stay with him. I had to follow him because…. Because I had to follow him," I finished lamely.

For some reason she giggled. I didn't think my words were that amusing. "I thought he was going to go back to the Seireitei to get you if you hadn't followed. He kept saying something about not being able to get comfortable."

From the tone of her voice I guessed she was carefully editing what he might have said. Typical Zaraki. Pretending that I was the one who had no self control, when he was just as bad. I might mention it to him, at some convenient time.

"Let's go see the Doc Captain," Yachiru suggested tugging at my hand. "I want to find out if I'm going to be a sister soon."

It was time I talked to her about the other reason I was here. For some reason I believed the news would not surprise her. I looked at her and she noticed the seriousness of my gaze and stopped walking, waiting for me to explain.

As I now felt that we were working toward a common goal, I decided not to use the 'lies' Toshiro had coached me in before I left.

With Captain Fong's help we had created a feasible cover story. Then I had to use it on both Toshiro and Captain Fong to see if I could convince either of them that I was telling the truth. It didn't go very well.

"I don't believe you and even if I didn't know the truth I wouldn't believe you. You're as good at lying as your husband is good at diplomacy," was his judgement the first time I tried the story on him. Perhaps the words sounded as false to him as they did to me.

I'd nodded slowly in agreement. Even Zaraki knew I was a bad liar the very first time.

For the next half an hour I lied while Toshiro and Captain Fong listened and questioned while I answered, making me go over the details of the story we had put together. I'd become confused and contradicted myself because the questions were continuous. Finally he shook his head and turned to Soi. "This won't work like this, will it?"

She shook her head.

Toshiro turned his attention back to me. "You learnt nothing about lying from Ichimaru, did you? We'll have to make everything you say nearly true. As 12th Division is under lockdown we can close down the communications room so they have no opportunity to convey information to their captain. That will be the reason you will provide for being sent to Hueco Mundo as we can't communicate by any other means."

Captain Fong nodded in agreement. "Keep the detail light and just repeat yourself. You can always say 'That's all I was told', or 'I don't know anything more'. That should cover everything." She put her hand on Toshiro's and then removed it quickly as she realised what she did. He'd smiled with delight and taken her hand back. One day I would pester my captain until he told me everything, well at least everything that he could tell me.

Smiling at the memory I told Yachiru "It seems there's a traitor in 12th Division. I have to tell everyone except the members of that Division."

Yachiru's expression didn't change. She flicked a glance at me and nodded as the corners of her mouth turned down. Knowing more about the nature of her relationship with Zaraki it did not seem unlikely that they had discussed this between themselves and arrived at the same conclusion.

"That's one of the reasons Ken-chan is worried about you," she told me and the amazed me with her next words. "Stay close to the Doc Captain, me, Rukia or her brother. Even his lieutenant or Icchy at a pinch. Don't be alone but don't trust them too much. There's something wrong and I can't work it out."

I guessed what she meant. The people she mentioned she believed could be trusted and I was happy she didn't mind if I stayed close to her. "I have to hand out some notes. Will you help me?"

"I'll stick close to you until Ken-chan gets back. I'll pretend that I'm feeling clingy and hold your hand," she offered. I thought about it and agreed. She would be convincing.

"Let's go. Remember, treat me like a kid, I'll behave like one, and you should act like an airhead. That way they won't take us seriously," She instructed and I nodded. I wanted to see the others and I might find a chance to talk to Rukia and find out how Ichigo had disappointed Zaraki. Even while I lied to myself about the one thing I really wanted to do, I retrieved my bag and followed Yachiru who led me down the corridor. She opened a door and gestured for me to enter, which I did. Even before I entered the room I could hear raised voices.

"That's a stupid thing to say. We've gone over this before. They stay because they've helped," Ichigo was yelling loudly at someone. He looked more sullen than normal and hardly glanced at us as we came through the door.

"They're still the enemy," Captain Kurotsuchi said raising his voice over Ichigo's, but his anger was not as evident under all the make-up. "You might trust them, but you are young and foolish."

He must have noticed my entrance because the Captain turned and stared at me, his argument with Ichigo momentarily forgotten. His eyes widened and a strange expression crossed his face. The rest followed his gaze and I was quickly surrounded.

The room contained the whole party and I wondered briefly who was taking watch. There were three people I didn't know but from looking at them I guessed they were either Hollow or Arrancar and it made me wonder why they were here. It was possible that these were the people that Ichigo and Captain Kurotsuchi were arguing about.

"Ran, you're here? Couldn't keep away from your man, hey?" Renji said with a sly smile. He cast a glance at Rukia who coloured and turned away walking as far distant from him as she could. Isane followed, obviously concerned about her friend and Renji watched, a shadow in his eyes. Things between them were worse than I thought. Renji began to follow Rukia his hand stretched out to seize her arm and she kept her back turned toward him. A small cough from Captain Kuchiki caused his expression to change and he growled slightly and stalked over to the other side of the room, pretending he didn't care, or that is how it seemed.

"So, Captain Zaraki was correct when he ran from your ministrations," Captain Kuchiki said to Retsu. "He can feel her reiatsu. I thought he was not being completely honest." Coolly he observed me, his eyes noting my hair and the marks Zaraki had made on my skin with his mouth.

"I recall that you were confined to the Seireitei," my bete noire said as he observed me. His makeup and costume were more absurd than I had previously noticed. The yellow teeth seemed to be the result of neglect rather than anything else. Why did the man insist on wearing such absurd attire? "Why are you here?"

Nemu smiled at me hesitantly and it was a little peculiar to be the centre of attention once more. I still found it impossible to believe that she was the spy. It wasn't just because I knew of her relationship back in the Seireitei, but her gentle nature and the assurances of her lover convinced me she was innocent.

It reminded me of the bargaining with Captain Yamamoto for the release of Ikkaku and Yumichika. Ikkaku had pretended that he wasn't prepared to give up sex until Zaraki returned. The man had lied but that was because he didn't want anyone to guess which person had gained his interest. Ikkaku was as celibate as I was while I remained in the Seireitei and Zaraki was in Hueco Mundo. But the 11th Division third seat had lied convincingly and even continued with the lie once we'd left the office to make it more believable. Either that or he had a strange sense of humour. Possibly both. While in the human world he'd confided in me that he was in love with Nemu. I was glad for them both, but worried about the number of obstacles they would face if they married as they planned to do. Ikkaku was reluctant for his romance to become public and he'd only mentioned it to me in the human world one day when we were both indulging in some sake and home sickness. I had been longing for Zaraki while still fighting my feelings for the man and Ikkaku was dodging the human girl who seemed intent on attracting him into her bed. Yumichika knew his friend was seeing someone, but I wasn't certain if he knew who the person was. Ikkaku hadn't wished to tell him as Yumichika was having romantic troubles of his own, but I wasn't given the details. I had grasped that there were two possibilities, Rukia and Nanao, but which of them had captured the man's interest I didn't know.

Zaraki would hate it when he found out Ikkaku was involved with Nemu and I didn't want to think how her father would react if he knew they were still seeing each other. In a moment of honesty, Nemu had told her father that she was involved with Ikkaku a day or two before we left on the mission to the human world. Captain Kurotsuchi had immediately demanded that she end the relationship.

Scared, Nemu had met Ikkaku and they promised that they would pretend they had parted ways, but would continue to meet in secret. In all the time I'd known him I had never before witnessed Ikkaku remaining faithful to one woman. He'd had brief entanglements with a number of nurses from 4th Division and for a few weeks he'd been going out with Kiyone, but I didn't know if it was as drinking companions or something more. I didn't ask. , nor did I really want to know. The girl in the human world, Keigo's sister, had been camouflage. He was still thinking of Nemu and longing to return to her as I longed to return to Zaraki.

Ikkaku had mocked me more than once. Whenever I'd asked about Zaraki he'd asked if I could spell obsession so I spelt "N. E. M. U,' quietly so only he could hear. That speedily encouraged him to stop teasing me in that fashion.

I had to find a way to slip her the note. I'd promised Ikkaku I would do that as soon as possible. The one factor that worried me was I didn't believe that she was very able at hiding her feelings. In the few minutes I'd had to talk to him before I left, Ikkaku stiffly asked that I give a note to Nemu, and it seemed that he was certain I would refuse. I thought it was because he knew that Zaraki might react violently to the news. Since our marriage, Zaraki had come to dislike the 12th Division Captain intensely and I knew he didn't trust him.

Ikkaku was worried rumours might reach Nemu that he had been seeing other women, and he had. But he had been seeing other women to obscure his relationship with Nemu and hide the fact he was still seeing her regularly. Nearly every night since Kurotsuchi had found out he had been seen in the company of a different woman, except when he was in the human world, guarding me and when he was in the cells. As soon as he felt enough people had seen him with whichever woman it was, he'd escort her home and meet Nemu at the inn in Soul Society he'd taken us to on the day of our marriage. They had always met there for the privacy aspect.

That explained why the innkeeper had known Ikkaku so well.

I'd asked Ikkaku why Kurotsuchi had not approached Zaraki about the relationship. An incredulous look crossed his face.

"Why? He rarely talks to Captain Zaraki and it's more likely he'd get a fist in the mouth than a conversation. They've had bad blood between them for years and your marriage made it worse. Why I don't know," he'd told me. "They only talk to each other if they're forced to, or they're trying to score points off each other. Anyway, Kurotsuchi wouldn't admit to anyone else his daughter had slept with me."

As he explained I understood more. I knew I shouldn't get involved, but I wanted to help Ikkaku and Nemu. If it hurt the 12th Division Captain in the process, I couldn't say that it would distress me. But how could I get the note to her without Yachiru or Captain Kurotsuchi noticing? I'd have to think about that.

Now the Captain wanted to know why I was here. This was not the time to be thinking about the past or the difficulties of relationships. I was now faced with another complication. I had a cover story, but I had to talk to each person individually without making it obvious and conveying the real news. The problem was I was unsure of the strange people who had joined the party and also Ichigo's two friends, Chad and Ishida. I didn't know the large man or the Quincy well and they may have formed alliances with Captain Kurotsuchi. I didn't believe it was probable but due to recent events I felt the need for caution. One of my most trusted friends had attacked and tried to kill me and some of these people had less of a shared past.

"I'm here because there have been some problems in the Seireitei," I explained as I tried to gauge the reaction of the people around me. Captain Kuchiki raised an arched eyebrow, but said nothing. Retsu looked concerned as did Isane. Rukia finally turned, gave me an agonised look and quickly turned away again. I was sure that I knew the source of her emotional torment and decided to try to talk to her privately as soon as I could. Renji grimaced slightly, but nodded at me in a friendly fashion as he crossed his arms. Even in the brief time I had been here I knew he was aware that something was wrong and it was only a matter of time before he confronted Rukia. The tension between the two of them was palpable and very unsettling.

Chad and Ishida appeared indifferent to the announcement but Nemu's eyes widened and she seemed about to speak but after a quick glance at her father she tightened her lips. I did not miss the quick smirk that spread over the 12th Division Captain's face but it was only there for a second before he rearranged his features into an austere and knowing expression.

Ichigo stared at me as if he was having difficulty understanding what I was saying. Had one too many fights addled his brain and then he asked, "What problems? We've got our own problems here and I don't see why they had to send you."

"There's been a communications breakdown," I half lied. Toshiro had coached me in the lie with Captain Fong's assistance. Mindful of Yachiru's advice I giggled and added, "I don't know what happened. It's all so technical. I'm sure someone explained it to me, but I can't remember all the details."

Renji gave me a strange look and opened his mouth as if he was going to say something but stopped. Ichigo didn't notice, but he had never really talked to me as his gaze had been fixed firmly beneath my face any time I'd talked to him. Rukia gave me a startled glance but Retsu's smooth expression remained unmarred and she nodded slowly. "Yes, these technical reasons can be difficult to recall. I had wondered why no news was forthcoming."

I saw a strange half jerk from Captain Kurotsuchi but instead fixed a soulful gaze on Captain Kuchiki. "I'm sure you'd understand, Captain, but when I tried to explain it to Zar… I mean my husband, I think I confused him. Each question he asked made me more less certain that I could tell him anything helpful," another simpering giggle made him curl his lip and turn away.

"That's impossible. The communications that I have put in place cannot break down. You are lying," Captain Kurotsuchi came close to me and I felt the heat of his breath on my face. He grabbed me by the wrist and I turned and widened my eyes at him as innocently as I could.

"Why…" I began tugging at my hand with feigned weakness.

I heard the door open and an angry exclamation. "Get your stinking hands off my wife, you fucking freak," Zaraki was between us in a minute, his hand swiftly removing the 12th Division Captain's grasp as he pushed me behind him. "Touch her again and die," he thundered.

Arai and Yachiru were now standing on either side of Zaraki and glaring at the man who dared call me a liar.

"I was simply pointing out the obvious to the woman. She appears to have become even more stupid since I last encountered her, if that's possible," the man said as he smoothly interposed his daughter in front of him. "Still, you didn't marry her for her intelligence, did you, Zaraki?"

"Leave my new mummy alone," Yachiru lisped sweetly. I had difficulty in hiding the smile those words brought to my face. She was overplaying this, but then she was only playing to one audience member.

"My Captain's wife is above your concern," Arai quickly added. His zanpakuto was drawn and his expression fierce.

Ichigo, Chad and Ishida's mouths gaped open and they looked at me unbelievingly. Chad was shaking his head while Ishida took off his glasses and polished them thoughtfully.

Ichigo managed to talk. "Kenpachi, you did marry Ran! You weren't just telling a story? How did you brainwash. Um, urp. Did you feed her a love potion or urp…" he stuttered into silence as I moved beside my husband and he instinctively hugged me close.

Ishida's lips twitched slightly as he commented, "I believed them, Kurosaki. It's strange how all the women you've shown any interest in are now out of your reach."

Chad sighed loudly. "Ishida, that is below you. Don't taunt a man when he's down." He bowed slightly. "I think we better go on patrol. We were due out but were trying to mediate in a quarrel," he said looking meaningfully at Captain Kurotsuchi who tutted in annoyance and turned away. Ishida and Chad left, obviously pleased to withdraw from such a tense situation.

A small girl with green hair sidled close to Ichigo and took his hand in hers but he ignored her, his unfocused stare firmly fixed on my chest until a growl from Zaraki made him shift his eyes.

"But we told you they were married," Rukia seemed confused that the reality had shocked them. She glanced at Isane who shrugged and shook her head incredulously. There was still a level of mistrust here that I didn't like. The strain I sensed between Renji and Rukia was not only confined to them. The whole group seemed wary of each other and for some reason that unnerved me. The situation was unstable as Yachiru had mentioned and some of the people were near breaking point, ready to fight the Arrancar or each other, whoever was closest when the tight control they had on their temper shattered.

"Yeah, what she said," Renji agreed, giving Ichigo a look as if he was hurt by his lack of faith. I didn't escape me that Renji hadn't glanced at Rukia or that he'd referred to her in a disparaging manner.

Shaking his head Ichigo looked from me to Zaraki. "I thought you were joking. I mean Zar..., Ra…… I mean Ikkaku and Yumichika told me to keep away from Ran, but you know what jokers those guys are. I thought one of them had the hots for her…."

I heard two barely concealed gasps as both Rukia and Nemu turned pale from the impact of the teenagers words. Renji's eyes glittered as he stiffly turned toward Rukia, a look of dawning comprehension on his face.

Captain Kurotsuchi shrugged angrily. "Why is it important if anyone is married? The emphasis people place on emotional reactions is over rated. Science and the search for knowledge is all and anything else is mere distraction. We should be exploring the details of the communications break down, not spend time idly exploring an unpalatable truth. Give me the details of the breakdown, woman."

I opened my mouth as I vainly tried to think of an answer.

* * *

A.N.

Yeah. 'For the Love of a Friend' is still a 4 days behind, but it's been too long since I updated this story. I've broken with the canon, if you hadn't guessed which is why Orihime and Hanatoro are not with the 'rescue' party.

Review. I like reviews.

(Suppose I should be all warm and fuzzy.) Happy New Year and whatever.

Soundtrack

'My Heart's Desire' Angelus

'I am Mine' Pearl Jam

'Give a Little' Crazy Penis


	29. The Engagement

_I don't own Zaraki, Matsumoto, the Seiretei or anything to do with Bleach. I own my ideas, my writing style and a laptop. I make no money from this._

**The Engagement**

"Anything can break down, no matter how faultless it seems," Retsu said reasonably. "I'm sure the members of your Division are working very hard on trying to restore communications, Captain Kurotsuchi, but haranguing Lieutenant Matsumoto won't hasten the process and her husband doesn't like it."

I closed my mouth even though it wanted to fall open in shock. This was an interesting situation. I noticed a discreet look of camaraderie pass between Captain Kuchiki and Retsu. It didn't surprise me that unexpected alliances were forming, as they had in the Seireitei. Not that there was anything in the glance that hinted at romance, but it was more like one peer acknowledging the assistance of another and implying that support would be forthcoming. Captain Kurotsuchi did not notice the glance, fortunately, as another unexpected ally presented herself.

"Mayuri, you said that you weren't sure if we'd be able to communicate with the Seireitei by normal methods once we got here," Nemu said and her skin coloured as her father turned his bland gaze upon her. "This place was pretty well sealed. You said so," she faltered and then stopped as the gaze from her father became harder.

"I designed the link, therefore it won't fail," he replied, his voice harsh with anger. He strode in front of his daughter and raised his hand to slap her across the face and I wanted to stop him. Having been on the receiving end of violence, I found my tolerance of it had decreased. I readied to move, feeling Zaraki tense against me as if he was also preparing to intercede when I felt a breeze pass by my face and following the direction of the movement of the air, saw that Captain Kuchiki had used shun-po to get between the father and daughter. His eyes flashed dangerously as he held a hand in the path of the blow.

"I recall the last time you slapped your lieutenant. I advised you then that there were better methods of discipline. She is a person, not a shield or a punching bag," the words were soft, barely above a whisper, but there was an unmistakable threat lying just underneath the surface. "Do I have to remind you or should I permit the 11th Division Captain to demonstrate his kendo, using you as his target? It is my belief we can all learn from watching others and perhaps he needs to continue practicing."

Kendo? Zaraki had used kendo? I wished I had been present to witness it. It surprised me to hear that he had any training in it as he seemed so assured in his normal fighting style. Maybe I could watch him later, or he could demonstrate for me, in private. Then we could…

With a start I woke to reality as Zaraki pushed me behind him again. Why was the man always trying to protect me? Nemu was the person who might be injured, or with any luck Kurotsuchi might shed some blood; his own. I caught myself. I'd thought of the 12th Division Captain without providing his normal title. It was clear to me why; I no longer believed he deserved to bear the title and from the hostility being displayed by the other people in the room toward the man; I was not the only one.

Most importantly why was my mind creating these vivid images which seemed to combine fighting and lust?

"Missing your affianced bride, now that Zaraki's whore is here?" Kurotsuchi said silkily, as he tried to smile agreeably. He pulled his arm from Captain Kuchiki's grip but not before I noticed a look of repulsion at the touch. "Oh, sorry, I meant wife. Funny how those words are so similar and isn't it strange how many unfortunate alliances have formed? One 'noble' woman stringing along two common men. A bald thug and an ill judged creation. An airhead and a psychopath. And those other mismatched pairs. Curious what love does."

Everyone froze and I began to panic. The situation was rapidly going down hill and I knew Zaraki was eager for an excuse to reduce Kurotsuchi to his component parts. The man was being deliberately insulting to the people he was meant to work with. Was this another means to produce dissension amongst the rescue party? Had he been doing this all the time? The half formed ideas I had about the traitors were unfortunately being strengthened by the minute. I clutched at Zaraki with both hands, pushing my body close to his, thrusting my breasts near his hands. Yes, I was being shameless, but I didn't want to be the cause of Zaraki gutting the man. I wanted to be the one to kill him. There was also the mystery of how he seemed to know too much. I felt a knot forming between my shoulder blades as I anticipated the events that might unfold as a result of those comments.

Then it struck me what the 12th Division Captain had said. Captain Kuchiki was engaged? That was one piece of news no one had thought to tell me, but so many events had happened that it might have seemed that no one wanted to mention it. Rukia's brother had flinched at the comment and that reaction seemed strange. He had never seemed to indicate a preference for any of the women within the Seireitei, while I knew a number of them sighed after him. Most of them assumed he was still mourning his wife and I'd heard some discussion about how difficult it would be to compete for his affections with someone who was dead and therefore could no longer disappoint. The living always did. He was not to my taste as he had always seemed too aloof and disciplined. I preferred passion. Kuchiki's gaze was now on my husband; as if he was wondering what his reaction would be to the latest insult.

Renji was furiously staring at Rukia who was exchanging troubled glances with Nemu, both of them oblivious to the continuing conversation and nervous about the revealing comments. Even though I'd once again been insulted by Kurotsuchi, there were so many other factors at work in this room. The tension seemed to increase with each word and I wondered how much more it could expand. The man, whom I thought Yachiru had titled 'Slug Breath', was orchestrating this, trying to sow as many seeds of distrust and hatred amongst the mission as possible, but in watching the subtle messages that were passed among the others; he only seemed to manage to affect Ichigo and Renji. Or course insulting me would anger Zaraki, that couldn't be prevented, but I knew that Captain Kuchiki or Retsu could easily turn the words around on the man. I wished they'd do it soon.

"The possible reason that you cannot tell the difference between the words wife and whore is because you have experience of neither," Captain Kuchiki said smoothly. "A man, who needs to create his own offspring, rather than reproduce normally, obviously does so because he has no choice. Your earlier comments can only support this belief."

With a great amount of control I kept my jaw from dropping again. I had not expected that Captain Kuchiki could deliver such a sucker punch as succinctly as he had. Everything that I had noted since being here indicated that there had been a number of changes and that perhaps due to being away from the 'influences' of the Seireitei people were seeing things differently. I knew that I was seeing a side of Zaraki I hadn't noticed or guessed before. He had missed me, though I was certain he would never tell me to what extent. Missed me, wanted me, and needed me as much as I had missed, wanted and needed him. I wondered again about why I loved the man, thinking that perhaps being away from the Seireitei would permit me a modicum of clarity about my emotions for my husband. With luck I would gain some sense and not be driven to the lengths I had until now to be with him. At present, that didn't seem to be the case.

Even though the separation appeared to help my view on a number of issues, when I looked at Zaraki I felt my heart beat faster and the rush of need and longing nearly overwhelmed me. Because I had fallen for this man so completely with, it seemed, such little explanation, I had been questioning the whole lust/love/marriage trilogy. Looking at him made me want to be close to him. Being close to him made me want to be even closer to him. I quickly dragged my attention, and my wandering hands, elsewhere. I had been on the point of reaching up and caressing his mouth with my fingertips. Damned man!

The niggling and slightly worrying doubts I had, dissolved. This was Zaraki I was thinking about. How could I doubt anything about him? To doubt him would be akin to doubting myself. I was free to doubt any of the others, question their motives, wonder at their decision and loyalty, but my Zaraki was a person whose integrity I would not doubt, at least as it applied to me.

That provided the basis of understanding and discrimination. Zaraki trusted Yachiru, therefore I trusted Yachiru. Zaraki trusted Retsu and my experience could only prove that point, therefore I trusted Retsu. The rest of the people here, aside from Renji and Arai were still open to censure, though from what I was hearing and seeing, Captain Kuchiki was as honourable and noble as he appeared. Ichigo had always shown his honour, but he was a bit flaky and prone to stupid actions and taking things at face value. Generally he was being a normal teenage male: in other words, an idiot. Comments from his friends indicated that he'd had an interest in Rukia, Nemu and, possibly, me but he was due for disappointment from all of us. To me, while he might be cute, he was a child and one prone to all the childish emotions and frailties. Rukia would have been a good match for him as she had much of the common sense he was lacking, but the spark wasn't there, at least on her side. Nemu being the way she was would not even notice his interest unless she was permitted to by her father or Ikkaku teased her about it.

However, my observation proved there was a relationship in crisis and one I had thought was solid and dependable. At one time the attachment between Renji and Rukia had been almost visible, but now I saw them together once more, it was clear, that while Renji still felt the same passion for his long time friend, hers had cooled back to warm friendship. A friendship that would make her pause before she hurt him, but it would be one that insisted on truth. I pitied both of them.

My attention had been on other things and I had not seen my husband move. He brushed off my hands and now Kurotsuchi was dangling from one hand and looking decidedly worried. I looked worriedly at Zaraki's other hand which had clenched into a fist and I could tell he wanted to punch Kurotsuchi. "You've insulted my wife one too many times, freak." Zaraki was trying to keep his voice down, but it roared through the room. "I've kept my temper until now because the old man asked me to, but no longer. One more word and you bleed from every orifice. Understand?" To reinforce his point he drew the blade of his zanpakuto out of it's sheathe and placed the handle against the 12th Division captain's mouth. "I'll shatter those fucking yellow teeth for a start so you can't utter any more lies."

"I think he's got the message, for the moment," Retsu said as Kurotsuchi's eyes rolled back in his head. "It might have had more effect if you hadn't 'accidentally' pressed your thumb on his carotid artery while you were speaking."

"How did that happen," Zaraki raised his eyebrows innocently. I'd seen him move his thumb after he'd finished speaking. There was no doubt in my mind he had done it intentionally but now he was pretending innocence. He'd wanted the man to shut up and that was one way, short of killing him. Dropping the man onto a chair he sheathed his zanpakuto, returned to my side, kissed my cheek gently and addressed the others. "Insult my wife, you insult me. I prefer actions to words and you might find me handing you your arse, in pieces, if I think you are being disrespectful."

I saw Ichigo wince and the two strange white creatures shuddered slightly, sheltering behind the child like figure. Yachiru went up to her and hugged her lightly. "Don't worry. Ken-chan won't hurt you, Nel. He won't hurt Pesche or Dondochakka either, unless they're rude."

I'm sure my father meant no harm by his words," Nemu protested unconvincingly. I saw the traces of a flush on her face and the glimmer of tears in the corners of her eyes. It would be painful to be called a fool by your father, or to have a father who bore any resemblance to hers. From what Ikkaku had told me, there was little solace in Nemu's life.

"Oh, we only want to be rude to that man," Pesche said pointing at Kurotsuchi. "He was rude to Ichigo and Ishida and Renji and Chad and me and Nel and Rukia and well everyone. I was almost sorry when he defeated whathisname, the guy with the pink hair and the tentacles." He scratched his head thoughtfully as he tried to remember. "They both claimed to be scientists, but I don't see it. And Mr Zaraki, we certainly won't insult your very lovely wife," he bowed slightly in my direction. "Nel or Miss Rukia would certainly remind us of our manners."

"Damn straight," said Rukia.

"He was trying to use us as bait for the Arrancar, don't cha know," the large white creature added. "He's been fighting with Mr Ichigo for days because Mr Ichigo won't allow it."

Nemu picked up her father, and with a look of despair walked toward the door. "I will remove him until he recovers," she said, not meeting anyone's gaze. "I had thought his body modifications would have…." Suddenly she cut off her words, a strange look passing over her face and she left the room hurriedly.

"Sister. Please moderate your language. Remember who you are," Captain Kuchiki said heavily. He gave a reproving look to Rukia who had already been looking as if she was stricken with guilt and sadness.

The words seemed to cut through the guilt and reach a part of her that she had been keeping curbed until now and Rukia turned on him. "Remember who I am? I'm a gutter rat who was adopted into a noble house after I was accepted as a Shinigami trainee. You would never have adopted me if it hadn't been for my sister. And now I'm trapped in an engagement I can't honour….." she broke off and raised a hand to her mouth as she realised what she'd admitted. She turned her back to the room and faced the wall. She was waiting for the inevitable reaction but she couldn't look at Renji.

Renji was slowly turning to Rukia, his face set and his eyes blazing.

"Not now," I thought. Watching this train wreck in progress I wondered how many of us would escape with our hearts unbruised. Very few, I guessed.

Captain Kuchiki placed himself between his sister and lieutenant. The man had changed, acting as a protector. I wondered who his betrothed was and if she was the reason he had become so protective of the females on this mission. "We will discuss this in private," he asserted strongly.

"Fuck that," Renji replied, stripping off his lieutenant's armband and visor and throwing them to the floor. He tried to push past his Captain but he stood fast and unsheathed his zanpakuto, his hard gaze threatening his lieutenant. "If I'm getting dumped it may as well be in fucking public because everyone will talk about it. Ran knows that. A private dumping is harder," Renji continued.

I gulped as he said that. When Gin dumped me, everyone knew, within hours. People had speculated and stories had been created about what had been the cause of our break-up. Most of the blame had been placed at my feet for reasons I hated to accept. I had tried to rationalise it, but none of it helped.

"Don't do this, Renji. Don't say anything, Rukia." I said, but my voice went unheard. Time enough for this to happen when we were back in the Seireitei. For this break-up to happen now could only court disaster.

"I can't marry you, Renji. I'm breaking our engagement."

The words were quiet but filled the room and I wanted to escape before anything else was said. Hell, I wanted to find a way to vanish and pretend I hadn't been there to hear those words. I loved Renji, as a friend, and I knew that hearing this was going to rip him apart. He would be reminded of those words every time he saw one of us and that was one of the reasons that being rejected in private was better. I held onto Zaraki tightly, trying to block my ears, but it wasn't possible to do both.

"I love you, I have always loved you," Rukia continued and Renji's face momentarily brightened but became sullen as more words were added. "I will always love you, but as a friend, a brother. I mistook that love for something else. I kept hoping it would change, but it didn't."

There was silence and I sincerely hoped Rukia had finished, but then I remembered that she was always honest with Renji, no matter what. It was a testament to their friendship, but it seemed also to be a bane at this time. Turning slightly away, a grief stricken look on her face, Rukia said very quietly, but very firmly, "There's someone I'm trying to get out of my system. I'm not sure if I love him or not and I only agreed to marry you for two reasons but because of what happened, I have no compelling reason to marry, not now and not you."

I don't know why I noticed but both Isane and Retsu's hands went down and gently touched their stomachs, but the movement was so fast and brief that I wondered why they were trying to hide what was obviously an instinctive reaction. For some reason I had touched my stomach at the same time as the possible reason for the engagement dawned on me. Ichigo's eyes were wide as he stared at his friends, as if he could barely comprehend what was going on. He shook his head slowly as if he was trying to clear it, but he still appeared confused.

Suddenly Rukia was no longer there, nor was Captain Kuchiki, but I thought I saw the door close. If Zaraki had spoken those words to me I would by now be a boneless mass of weeping flesh.

"Fucking great. That's fucking great. He leaves us with the guy,' Zaraki said with heavy irritation in his voice, but he quickly squeezed me hard before releasing me and moving closer to his former subordinate.

Renji had flushed, an almost beetroot colour. He was still staring at the place Rukia had been standing when she spoke. He began to move toward the door, but Zaraki grabbed him by the shoulder.

"Let go of me, Captain," Renji ordered, drawing his zanpakuto without hesitation, or fear. "I've got to talk to Rukia. I want the creeping bastard's name. I'll kill him and Rukia will come back to me, or not. Maybe I don't want her anymore, but I need to know the prick's name."

"Should we sedate him?" Isane suggested tremulously. I had never seen her so nervous and she regarded Renji with all the fear of an unexploded bomb.

Retsu looked grim and reached into her sleeve as she withdrew some apparatus, but then shook her head. "I don't think it's a good idea. Ichigo, Kenpachi, take him outside and fight him. Make him think about something else, like trying to survive. Fight him until he can't lift his hand, let alone his blade."

Following orders, Zaraki picked up Renji and removed from the room and I watched with reluctance as they left, trailed by Ichigo.

"I don't know if it will work. No physician has found the cure for that," Retsu said, her voice harsh.

"For a broken heart?" The words sounded so trite but I said them anyway. I thought my heart had been ripped from my body when Gin repudiated me. It had hurt and the pain was monitored by too many. Heartbreak should be private, not a public event open to speculation.

"For however you want to name the condition," Retsu said with finality. Maybe I was being hyper sensitive, considering all the emotional events that had happened, but I wondered if I sensed something behind the words.

"What's a broken heart? How do you break it," the little girl who was standing with Yachiru asked. "Does it get better, or do you have to…."

Yachiru suddenly interrupted. "I think we should go and watch the fight. You'd like that, wouldn't you Nel? You come too Isane. We might need you, especially if Ken-chan gets enthusiastic. Let's all go. He might use his kendo again and we can watch Ichigo go all bloody, like he does every fight. He might even go Hollow and that's always fun," her voice babbled on, trying to hide her emotions and she pulled Nel toward to the door. As the room began to clear it was obvious that Yachiru had engineered the last exit because she wanted to find out if she would be a sister.

The others trailed out, until only Retsu and I were left in the room.

For all too brief a moment there was silence. Before Retsu could speak I hurriedly reached into my sleeve and produced a few notes which I handed to her. They were from various sources and I wasn't sure who all the writers were. Fortunately all the notes were written on fine paper which could be folded very small and each had the name of the recipient written on them clearly.

Retsu glanced at them, seemingly more interested in one missive than the others. That she carefully put away, without reading it, but then she opened and scanned most of the others. She spoke to me sporadically as she absorbed their facts.

"Thank you for assisting Captain Hitsugaya in telling Lieutenant Hinamori of her condition."

A pause.

"I have a letter requesting permission for Iemura to marry Lieutenant Hinamori, which surprises me greatly. From the number of visits he paid, I expected…. But it's none of my business."

Another pause. Then an exclamation of shock and Retsu looked at me with genuine concern.

"Please excuse my subordinates. Their lack of attention to detail almost resulted in your death."

Someone had obviously written to her about the attack.

"I can't blame you," I burst out. "There's so much going on. It seems like everyone has secrets and its causing all sorts of problems. Even my Captain…" and then I faltered. It was not my place to tell.

"Captain Hitsugaya and Captain Fong? Have they settled their differences?" She seemed eager to know and I was shocked that she even knew there was anything going on between them. "How did you find out?"

I blushed slightly and admitted, "I found them in the linen room of 4th Division."

Retsu looked at me and her lips twitched. They twitched again unmistakeably and she began to smile and then laugh. After the recent events I had never expected to hear laughter so soon. It was a relief to my spirit to see Retsu smile. "Again?" was the only word she said.

Not sure how to answer, I nodded. It began to dawn on me that it was not the first time Toshiro and Captain Fong had been in the linen room. When I remembered Toshiro's casual attitude to being found, it had seemed strange. Now it was becoming clearer, or maybe he didn't mind that it was me who had interrupted them.

"I think I might start charging rent on that linen room," she said and then laughed again. Those words confirmed my belief.

"You mean you knew? It wasn't the first time?" I asked wondering about the circumstances and how many times the linen room had been used.

She nodded and I began to giggle. My Captain and the austere Captain Fong meeting in the linen room like two horny teenagers struck me as being funny. And more than once? How did Retsu know?

"That was the reason they let me follow Zaraki," I explained through giggles.

Retsu became grave immediately. "Oh. They were only together for only a short time before you left?" sighing deeply she shook her head. "They might have managed to find a way through, but they are both so proud. I don't expect miracles. Give them time and it may work, if neither of them says or does anything unfortunate."

I pondered what she was saying. One of the reasons I had tried to persuade Toshiro not to become involved with Momo was she didn't understand him. It was hard to believe that Captain Fong would understand him either.

"Well, Ran. Why did Yachiru make certain I was permitted to be alone with you? Obviously she knew about the notes, but there is something more, is there not?" At least Retsu was being direct. Her gaze studied me in an assessing fashion.

"An investigation in the Seireitei has proven that there's a traitor in 12th Division," I told her equally directly.

"And?" There was no surprise in her voice or face.

"Be on your guard?" I wondered if I was going to receive this reaction from everyone.

"Having been with this mission, I have learnt to be on my guard at all times. I have known there was a traitor in 12th Division since you went on the mission to the human world, if not before then," the 4th Division Captain told me.

"Who?" I began to ask but she again began speaking her eyes flickered away. There was something she knew but she was not prepared to say.

"There is one further matter. You wish to ascertain whether you are carrying Captain Zaraki's child. Am I correct?"

I sat down. Did the woman know everything?

"Oh, don't be astonished. It was obvious from the way your husband and Yachiru were treating you. If he had been any more gentle or protective of you, he would have been carrying you everywhere and nor permitting anyone to breathe near you."

She paused and then softly patted my arm. "I'm very sorry that you lost the first baby, Ran. I had to tell Zaraki even though I wasn't sure if you knew. We've had a similar loss…" she trailed off.

My mind immediately went to what I had witnessed. The truth dawned on me. Focused as I had been on trying to block out the pain I was witnessing I hadn't fully taken in Rukia's words. She had no reason to marry Renji, not now.

"Rukia? Rukia was pregnant and lost her baby too? Oh, poor Renji. Poor Rukia." I felt tears fill my eyes. The joy I had felt at being reunited with Zaraki was being tempered by all the pain from these disclosures. "Or is it poor Yumichika?" I said slowly.

A gasp told me I'd hit on another truth. "I did not tell you anything, but you guessed about her miscarriage. As to the father, I don't know. I never asked. Rukia was severely injured during a fight with an Espada and lost her baby as a result. Renji didn't know Rukia was pregnant until after she'd lost the baby."

I closed my eyes. "And you? And Isane? What about Nemu?" I spoke mechanically. There was such a thing as coincidence, but this was too much. If Momo, Rukia and I were pregnant at the same time, and I knew that Shuhei had been seeing someone….

'How did you guess?" Retsu sounded shocked. "I've only told Soi."

I looked at her. Why had she told Captain Fong? But she hadn't denied her pregnancy which made me wonder who the father was. Kira? He'd been visiting 4th Division, but that didn't seem likely. "She didn't tell me. You touched your stomach instinctively when Rukia alluded to the face that she'd lost her baby. So did Isane."

Retsu sat down next to me suddenly. She looked slightly pale and poured a glass of water which she sipped. "Zaraki was furious when he found out what happened to you in Los Noches last time. He doesn't know about Rukia because it's not his business. I've been feeling slightly nervous since I found out that both Isane and Rukia were pregnant."

It was obvious she didn't mention Nemu, but then that hadn't been evident and she'd answered me honestly because I had guessed correctly. I wondered about Nemu, but decided not to ask any questions about other people. Retsu had only admitted what she had due to shock and possibly because she thought I had known.

Even though she was still shaken and I felt terribly ashamed of my greed to know I asked, "Retsu, am I? Am I lucky enough to be carrying Zaraki's child again?"

She passed a shaky hand over her face and then snapped back into being the efficient, sweet faced woman I knew. "Let me just check."

A few minutes later she nodded. "Definitely pregnant. The man must have impregnated you almost immediately he got you back to your quarters." Then she shook her head. "After you'd been so careful in the past, Ran! I should have insisted you use some form of birth control…"

A smile had broken over my face and I shook my head firmly. "I want his child, or children," but then I realised, "Now he'll insist I return to the Seireitei! He'll become overprotective and demand that I lock myself up so no one can hurt me. I don't want to tell him."

"Not tell me what?" For once I hadn't noticed him coming close to me. "That you're going to have our baby?"

He bore some blood spatters but showed no injury.

"What about Renji?" I asked trying to change the subject but he lifted a shoulder and dropped it.

"I had to knock him out. He wasn't fighting much, just yelling on and on about women and stuff. After a sleep he might make more sense."

Without thinking I replied, "Or less. When he gets upset it can take days or longer before his brain kicks in."

Zaraki gave me a very strange look, anger mixed with bitterness and I wondered why. Then it dawned on me that he didn't like it when it was evident I knew another man that well. He knew I'd been close to Renji, I'd told him about it. Why was it important now? Details of our conversation after I'd arrived filtered through my memory and I recalled how we'd both admitted our jealousy.

"He'll get over it. Ichigo and the others are watching him. That Nel likes to play games. At least it's distracting the others. Every time Renji moves she goes across and pats his face," Zaraki said. He was warning me off, but it made me wonder why the little girl was patting Renji. Maybe she liked his tattoos.

That strange tension that had ebbed slightly when many of the people had left the room seemed to be returning and I found I was casting calculating glances at Retsu, trying to assess her reaction to Zaraki but could discern nothing more than friendship.

"Is Zaraki the father of your child?" I rapped out. It was a dumb question, but it was so difficult to work out who the father could be as she hadn't confided in me. I thought I would clear up this matter immediately before I began to imagine anything.

Strong hands grabbed me and Zaraki turned me to face him. "I told you before, I haven't looked at Retsu, or touched her."

Then his hands dropped and he reluctantly turned toward his friend. A look of horror was on his face. "Tell me, you're not…you're not fucking pregnant, are you?"

"I am pleased to inform you, Captain Zaraki, that your wife is expecting **your** child. I am not expecting **your** baby and my possible condition is not your business," Retsu was standing, her clothes neatly arrayed around her and her dignity like a shield enveloped her. But her gaze was level and in earnest.

None of my reunions with Zaraki had been without complication and this one seemed doomed to follow the same pattern.

* * *

A.N.

I had to update this story. Yeah, 'For the Love of a Friend' hasn't caught up yet, but that's taking so freaking long. And I couldn't update 'Obsidian and Alabaster' until I disclosed a little more in this story.

Rukia and Renji. Sad but necessary. Not all love is reciprocated or even lasts past the first flush of fulfilment.

The soundtrack was changed constantly as the chapter kept becoming more problematic.

Soundtrack

'Strangers' Portishead

'The Origin' Ek

'Aeons' The Presets

Disappointed in the lack of reviews for the last chapter.

Review. I like reviews.


	30. The Muddle

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, mostly._

_A quick recap on events:_

_Momo is pregnant to Aizen and engaged to Iemura, a seated officer in 4__th__ Division;_

_Retsu is pregnant. _

_Rukia was pregnant, but due to her injuries when fighting Aaroniero Arruruerie the 9__th__ Espada, she lost the child. Subsequently she broke her engagement, publicly, to Renji._

_Byakuya is engaged._

_Ikkaku has been having an affair with Nemu, but her father found out and forbade it. The affair has continued in secret._

_Captain Hitsugaya has formed a relationship with Captain Soi Fong._

_Matsumoto is pregnant once more to Zaraki._

_Arai is an original character and does not appear in either the anime or manga._

_Ichigo has not formed a relationship with anyone. He is not a central character for the purposes of this story._

_I'm Australian. We spell the English way. Live with it._

_Are you clear on this now? Good. Don't make me explain it again._

**The Muddle**

"If you're pregnant it is my fucking business. We're here to get that girl back, and distract the damned Arrancar. I want to rend that bastard Aizen to pieces which means there's going to be lots of fighting and I need to know who else is pregnant?"

Retsu sighed and resumed her seat, her poise unchanged as she gestured to Zaraki to sit. "You may as well enter, Captain Kuchiki. Your breathing has become agitated while you were standing outside the door. I trust your sister is safe?"

I hadn't even felt the slightest touch of the other Captain's reiatsu but Retsu was apparently very sensitive and could discern things that I could not. Once again I wondered how strong she was. From my dealings with her I knew she kept more hidden than she revealed. Once I had even considered that she feared for others to find out her true strength but later decided that her discretion was part of her character. She would show her strength as, and when, needed.

"I left her with Isane. The incident with my lieutenant has broken her control over her tongue," his expression was a mixture of compassion and abhorrence. "She continually mentions her loss. I do not believe she is speaking about her betrothal." He gazed at each of us with determination and decision. "I think we need to be perfectly honest with each other."

"So, you're going to tell us all the details about your engagement?" sniped Zaraki. The comment earned him a hard glare from Rukia's brother.

"I mean anything that concerns this mission," he said aloofly, raising his eyebrow as if he was slightly amused that anyone was interested in his personal life. "My forthcoming nuptials have no relevance." He sat down in a chair, his posture correct, his clothing arranged to fall in elegant folds as he placed his hands carefully on the top of the table. I noticed he appeared composed, but there was a tension lurking just below the surface that would be brought to the surface very quickly.

"Yeah, you want to know everything about us, but won't tell us about yourself. What's wrong Kuchiki? Did you get the girl up the duff by mistake?" Zaraki wasn't letting it go.

I bit the inside of my cheek to prevent the laugh the comment had created. The way my husband treated Captain Kuchiki had changed and there even seemed to be a layer of tolerance there that I hadn't noticed before. From Zaraki, that comment was gentle teasing.

The sudden silence and frozen expression on the 6th Division Captain's face told the whole story. I hid my shock, but a guttural laugh from Zaraki told me he was pleased he'd shaken the man. "Great. Captain Control got led astray by his dick and now you have to marry the girl."

"As did you," Captain Kuchiki shot back through gritted teeth. His glance at me was less than kind.

Zaraki leant back in his chair, the smile baring his teeth made him look both smug and violent at the same time. He grabbed my hand and pulled me onto his lap, embracing me close. His erection was as ever, present. "Nope. Didn't know she was pregnant when I married her. I married her because she begged. She couldn't get enough of me. Still can't."

It increasingly infuriated me that he was saying things like this to anyone. I opened my mouth preparing to say something rude to my husband, but Retsu spoke quietly. "I heard that you asked Captain Hitsugaya for permission to marry Ran before you even asked her if she wished to marry you. If anyone got trapped into the marriage, it was Ran. She wasn't even aware she was marrying you until it had happened. No one could pretend that surprise, or delight." The tone was droll and Retsu's eyes twinkled as she spoke.

Again I felt grateful at how she again dispelled a potentially dangerous situation. "He did ask me, eventually. And I wanted it to be fast, before I could change my mind." I said and smiled at my husband who was staring at Retsu in amazement, with an unwilling smile on his mouth. He squeezed me and his hand began to slip down my leg until I took it within mine.

Captain Kuchiki shook his head, frowning. "We need to concentrate on immediate matters. Who is pregnant? We need to know in order that we can plan accordingly. If I had known there was any potential for this situation, I would have demanded that any woman found to be pregnant would remain in the Seireitei."

Retsu's expression hardened. "Why?" I was sure that even Soi's lieutenant would be warned by that tone, but it slid beneath Captain Kuchiki's notice.

"Because they're a liability. I would be unwilling to send a pregnant woman to fight because I would be risking two people. The hormones and changes that the condition produce may make the woman's behaviour erratic," he explained and his eyes flickered over me. "Though some women are always unpredictable."

I felt like poking out my tongue at him to prove my unpredictability but as he spoke, an idea flickered at the edge of my mind but retreated before I could fully grasp it. Something about the male view of women and pregnancy. There was a key to a realisation there if I could track it down. Once I did there might be an important answer to a question which was yet unasked.

"I may be unpredictable," I said boldly to the Captain, "but I'm open to new ideas. That way I can learn." I wasn't going to say anything more about my pregnancy if the man was going to see me as a liability. His attitude was the liability, if anything was.

His face showed no expression at my jibe, but a flare of anger showed in his eyes. Zaraki laughed and kissed my cheek. He seemed to enjoy it when I made the man uneasy.

"Whatever your argument, I cannot disclose anything about my patients," Retsu said.

"Well, Kuchiki, my wife is pregnant. I don't care who knows that, but whether she stays here is a matter that I want to work out with her and I won't accept anyone else getting involved." Zaraki had placed his hand on my stomach and was rubbing it in a possessively gentle manner. "Come on Retsu. You're pregnant too. Admit it."

After a brief pause she nodded. "Yes. I too am expecting a child."

"Damn," said Zaraki. "But I'm pleased for you," he told Retsu. "I know you've always wanted a kid."

If it had been any other time or place I might have asked who had fathered her child, but it didn't seem appropriate.

"My sister……" Captain Kuchiki seemed both eager and ambivalent about asking the question.

"I cannot tell you that," Retsu said. "You will have to ask her."

"That is not what I wish to say," Captain Kuchiki said gravely and then he turned to me. He gazed at me as if measuring me and when I gazed back without averting my gaze he nodded, as though satisfied with what he saw. "She asked to speak to Lieutenant Matsumoto. She did not seek my opinion, in fact she ignored my advice, but her tone was urgent."

Retsu's eyes flickered between the Captain and me and she nodded slowly. "I think we should leave this discussion until later. It would be better if every member of the party was present as the decisions made will affect us all and there is some information I am not at liberty to disclose."

Zaraki held me close for a minute. "Matsumoto, you can go and talk to Rukia. I'll let you. At least she won't attack you like that nut job friend of yours. Hey, Kuchiki, have you checked your sister for weapons, because I won't allow my wife to talk to anyone who might be armed."

"Isane would have already done that," Retsu interjected coolly. "That is normal practice when we are concerned about the emotional fragility of a patient."

A cold note entered Zaraki's tone, one I hadn't heard previously. "Then I demand you retrain your Division. A 'patient' was passed weapons by a visitor and she nearly killed my wife. Your normal practice failed."

Retsu blanched at his words. "That was an oversight and I will ensure it doesn't happen again. When I return I will find out how such a mistake occurred."

"My sister would never attack a fellow Shinigami unless she was provoked," Captain Kuchiki said, apparently horrified by the allegation.

I didn't care what he said. Seeing Retsu upset by an incident that happened while she was absent didn't seem fair. If she was responsible, then Kurotsuchi was responsible for the attack, but I doubted if he'd feel a nanoseconds responsibility, or care. Rather than allow this discussion to travel own the path of greatest recrimination I wanted to deflect attention and I wanted to have this interview with Rukia behind me. I knew that it would be upsetting for her to speak to me and I was reasonably certain that it might work on some of my emotional tender spots. The self controlled woman who had dumped her friend was not someone I really wanted to talk to. Her cool arrogance and attitude toward the man I thought she loved made me question if I had ever known her. With the few taunts against her brother showing, she had still seemed to retain most of her dignity when she had spoken aloud the words that broke Renji's heart. It was for his sake that I was prepared to talk to Rukia, though I didn't think I was the best person to do so. "Where is your sister? I'll talk to her now," I asked Captain Kuchiki.

"I'll take you to her," he said as he gracefully rose from the chair. "Why she wishes to speak to you and not draw advice from Isane I do not understand. Or even a consultation with Captain Unohana seems sensible, but she wishes to converse with you."

I gave an airy reply which was partly correct, but also partly false. "We became friends in the human world while we were there on the mission," I said lightly. But the friendship was not as deep or long standing as my friendship with Renji. I ached for my friend but knew that I couldn't provide any comfort in the mood he was in and it would seem strange if I tried. Later, when some of the pain had eased, I would talk to him and offer him comfort. It might help him to talk it through with a friend, who had been dumped, and it would bring my bitter memories close to the surface, but now I had Zaraki. That made all the difference for me because there was no longer a cause of regret, only relief. As Renji had loved Rukia as long, or longer than I loved Gin, I was sure the wounds would be deep and possibly never completely heal.

"Hmm. My sister has not mentioned that, but perhaps with all the other events that occurred around that time, it seemed unimportant," he said, the disbelief in his tone cutting. The man never let up. It made me wonder how he had acted with his wife, if he had ever relaxed and showed the least sign of normal functioning. How had he unbent enough to sire an heir?

Opening a door, he ushered me into a room. Rukia was kneeling, back straight, trembling, her hands gripping her clothing between whitened fingers. She turned toward the door and her flushed cheeks and harsh breathing indicated that she was holding tightly to the semblance of form.

"Ran! It's a muddle. Such a muddle," she began and then saw her brother. "Excuse me brother," she said as she bowed. "I apologise for my earlier outburst." Her teeth caught her bottom lip and she seemed unable to say anything further. Her hands twisted in the fabric she held and I wondered how long before the threads would give under the pressure and break.

"I anticipate that my presence here is not required. Please escort me back to the main strategy room, Lieutenant Koutestu," he said to Isane.

"If that is what my captain requested," Isane said and left shutting the door behind them both.

Now both Isane and her brother had left, Rukia flung herself at me in a paroxysm of grief saying repeatedly, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I hurt him. I'm so sorry."

Unwillingly I opened my arms and patted her on the back. Until now I had shared very little physical contact with Rukia as she always seemed to draw back and reject any touch. Now, suddenly, she seemed to crave touch and contact. For the first time I felt her cling to me, her hands gripping me tightly as her small frame shook hysterically. Her sobs were heart rending and I felt her tears wet my uniform.

The girl had been holding everything in so tightly that now it all burst out with her tears and broken words. Earlier, when she had broken with Renji, I had thought her cold and passionless, but she was only providing an honest but heartless façade. It was obvious that her training had provided the necessary stability to appear cool and untouched. Now she was a frightened, unhappy girl who was mourning how much she had hurt her friend and probably grieving over the loss of her child. Tears stung my eyes and I found I was crying for both of us. The news of her loss made her grief mine as we were sharing a similar experience. Coming to this place had meant the termination of both our pregnancies and while I didn't want to leave my husband, I feared the place and the possible outcome there might be for the child I was now carrying. At least, this time, I was aware of the extra responsibility I had.

Not wishing to mention our shared experience, I patted her back gently, knowing that there was no point in trying to talk while she cried like that. She wouldn't be able to hear me above the sobs and it was important that she felt she could talk, without interruption. I knew from some of our conversations, that she often did not feel she could talk freely, that her words might be reported back to her brother and she would be judged on them. I would not like to live like that.

"I didn't want to hurt him, Ran. I didn't, but I thought if I told him clearly and truthfully he'd let it go; let me go. He deserves better than me, someone who can really love him for the wonderful, annoying, idiot that he is," she paused and drew a deep breath.

I felt some of the tension in my shoulders drop. She had cared about hurting Renji and the little amount of resentment I had stored against her faded. When she had publicly repudiated him, I had wondered at her motives, but underneath it all I had believed she was pretending.

"If he hates me, it might make it easier for him."

I didn't know if that was true, because I'd still loved Gin even though he had given me cause to hate him. For a time I had both loved and hated him, confusing one emotion with the other, but most of all I'd wanted to return to that time before we had grown into adults. Foolishly I believed if he returned I could forget the hatred and exist only for him and for the love I felt for him. Loving someone for so long is a habit that is hard to break. Without Zaraki I might still be mourning for that man and once more I thanked whatever force had brought us together, even if it was simple lust.

"I didn't want to get engaged. My brother had told me that he had repeatedly informed Renji that he would prevent any marriage between us; that he would deny an alliance between his sister and lieutenant. Byakuya had even once mentioned that he was considering using my marriage as an alliance with another noble house or with a Captain, to end the situation, but didn't provide any details. No one even asked me. Renji came bursting in on the day you got married and told me my brother had withdrawn any objection and we could get married. He took it for granted that I'd agree and all I could do was nod. I was speechless and so scared," she gulped and then blew her nose on a handkerchief. "I'd only found out that I was pregnant."

"I'm afraid that your brother's change of mind was my fault," I said, a weight descending on my shoulders. I didn't know if she was aware of my brief liaison with Renji and I was reluctant to admit to the affair.

"How?" The simple question nearly undid me. The pain in the voice rang through my ears. "If we'd been allowed to marry years ago, maybe this would still have happened now. Does marriage prevent you from falling in love with someone else? Does it produce new antibodies that fight the love disease?"

Rukia wasn't taking this very well. Gathering my courage I decided that since nearly all my secrets were being stripped from me, I may as well disclose this one myself.

"Renji and I had an affair." Her gasp showed that this she hadn't known. Her hands still gripped my shoulders and I felt the heat of her palms radiating outward. This was hard, but it had to be said.

"After I broke up with Gin and after…. After the bad time I had," I choked on.

"You mean after Aizen raped you…." Rukia said and then covered her mouth with her hand.

I wondered briefly if the story had been published in the Shinigami newsletter as everyone I talked to seemed well aware of that episode of my life. Heaving a sigh I decided that trying to hide from the experience or shield it from my thoughts was a pointless exercise and I nodded. "Yes. Renji helped me and we had an affair. It was only short because I knew he was in love with you and I was still pining for Gin."

Rukia gave a small burst of unamused laughter. "You can't have another affair with him now to take his mind off me, can you? It would help me but your husband wouldn't like it."

"Don't even joke about it, Rukia," I told her seriously. "I told Zaraki I owed Renji and why. He was trying to help both of you. I'm sorry. I caused this. I wish there was something I could do."

"No one can help me. I have no further problems," Rukia said the tears coursing down her face. "I've estranged my childhood friend because I can't and won't marry him and now everyone thinks I'm a completely heartless bitch. I've lost my child and I can't even tell the father. Everything's fine. I've nothing to worry about."

My mind seized on her last comment and I pulled away from her to look at her with a strange feeling of compassion. "It wasn't Renji's child?"

Rukia blushed and bit her lip as she shook her head vehemently. "I wasn't sure how I was going to explain the baby. I was trying to work up the courage to tell the father and my brother, but I was scared. When Renji told me when were engaged I thought it had solved my problems, but it only created more. I tried to have sex with Renji, but I couldn't. It felt wrong. Let's face it; I had trouble even letting him kiss me. Instead, I kept putting off the wedding. Renji wanted to get married immediately, but I delayed it and delayed it again, hoping he would get the message, but he didn't. I wanted the child but couldn't see how I could have it. Everything I thought of was wrong. Everything was wrong and there was no one I could talk to. I tried to talk to you, but you were either with Zaraki or then…. Well, you weren't there." Her voice trailed off and it was obvious she was talking about the abduction, but perhaps didn't wish to mention it directly.

I pondered her words and felt saddened that my words had brought her to this situation.

"Poor Renji. He doesn't deserve this. He's always cared about me, even when we were fighting. Then I humiliated him in front of people he has to work with by telling him I wouldn't marry him and there was someone else. They'll all pity him and hate me. And they should. And he'll want revenge."

"I'm so sorry, Rukia," I reached up to push the hair out of her eyes and the rattle of paper in my sleeve reminded me that I was carrying a note for her. I pulled it out and handed it over, hoping it might provide her some comfort. "Yumichika gave me this and asked I give it to you, in private, if I had a chance." It was hard to keep the speculation out of my voice but seeing how tightly she held the paper and the avidity with which she opened it I knew my surmise was true.

She read the note quickly, glanced at me and read it again slowly. Her mouth drooped and the tears ran faster down her cheeks. "I didn't have a chance to explain to him," she said mournfully. "After my engagement was announced it seemed I was never permitted time by myself. I tried to get to see him. When I tried to write him notes, people came and interrupted. I only managed to tell him I was pregnant."

Now Yumichika's despair became clear. He thought Rukia was marrying Renji because she was pregnant with Renji's child.

'He says he understands and wishes me good fortune in my future. That he loves me and only wishes the best for me. Oh, Ran. Now he'll hate me, too. When he finds out we've lost our baby, or that it was his baby, he will be so sad and hurt. How was he, when you saw him last?" She seemed reluctant to hear my response.

Even before she asked the question I was wishing she wouldn't. "Upset," I said.

"If my brother had been a minute or two later in saving me, none of this would be happening. I'd be dead and Renji would be fine. Yumichika would be able to move on," she said with a voice so heavy it seemed to be dragged down by the weight of a dead star.

"They'd be in a worse situation. We all would, Rukia. No one wants you dead. I know it's hard to believe, but this will pass. The pain gets less with time and Renji will forgive you, but you have to wait. And you'll have to tell him the truth." I sounded so hypocritical. It had taken me this long to tell Rukia the truth about my relationship with Renji. "You can't do anything about Yumichika until you see him." Even though I trusted Rukia, I had to remember that the 12th Division communications were cut off from us and there was no method by which she could contact her lover.

"Do you love him?" I hadn't expected to ask that question but wanted to know.

Rukia didn't answer immediately, her brow furrowed as she thought. I noticed her eyes move around the room rapidly as she continued to think. "I do love Renji," she offered. "I love him as a friend and a brother and former lover. The love is still there, but it's changed and I can't recapture the same passion and care that I once had. Marrying him would be wrong, almost incestuous. As for Yumichika," she paused, rubbed her forehead and shrugged.

"You said something about getting him out of your system," I prompted, in spite of my better judgement.

"When we went to help Ichigo, it was strange. Renji went to stay with Urahara and he got busy doing jobs there. Yumichika hated Keigo's sister and the way she treated Ikkaku so he tried to stay away as much as possible. Ichigo hates being interrupted when he studies and I can't stand it when Kon is all over me and trying to look up my skirt or whatever perverted notion he has, so I kept going out for walks. I kept meeting Yumichika, in the park, on the street." Rukia was examining her fingernails with great interest. The explanation sounded very pat to me, almost as though she had spent time rehearsing it. "We spent time together and it, the sex, just happened. I didn't expect it. And then it happened again. Soon we were planning to meet, every day, every few hours." She shut her eyes and her face twisted in a look that seemed to be both blissful and painful.

The explanation sounded reasonable, but she did not pause as she recited the words, which added to my belief that this wasn't the whole story. Ikkaku and Yumichika were normally always to be found together and knowing the two of them, they could have prevented Keigo's sister from annoying them. I'd witnessed Rukia stomping Kon; I'd stomped Kon. He was an annoyance, nothing more. There was a truth here that wasn't being acknowledged.

"I thought is we had enough sex I'd get him out of my system. We didn't talk about a future or plan what we would do when we returned to the Seireitei. We met and had sex, and then more sex, and it was the best sex I'd had," she said in a strangled tone and took a deep breath and then blew it out.

I knew that tone. I knew her expression. She had become addicted to sex with Yumichika. "I won't ask if he's better than Renji."

"Different. But I never craved Renji's touch. I thought I'd taken precautions, but I must have forgotten once or twice. Do you think if I screw him often enough I'll get over him?" she asked hopefully.

That wasn't the question. "Do you love Yumichika?" I asked, making it perfectly clear whom I was asking about.

"NO!" her voice was shrill with denial. "I just like having sex with him."

"How soon did it start, after we arrived in the human world?" My curiosity would get me into trouble soon, but I was getting used to that. I hated dealing with the consequences, but who else would make her face the truth? Her brother?

The colour rose high in her face and she couldn't meet my eye. "I can't remember." Was her reply.

I didn't believe her. She knew exactly how soon it started. "An hour? A day?" I guessed.

Her eyes shone with rage and sadness as she glared at me. "What do you think I am? Do you think I'm anything like you?"

The words hurt. The rumours about me had far reaching effects. When I had been in the depths of self hatred after Gin had broken with me, I'd heard some of the rumours about my infidelity. It was apparently the main reason he'd dumped me. At the time the rumours had only reaffirmed and strengthened my despair and after the rape…. After the rape, the rumours had intensified. Even while I was trying to deal with the fallout of those experiences I'd wondered who had concocted the rumours as I thought I had detected Gin's subtle touch. If that was true than it seemed odd that he wished to abduct me, but he had shown no care for me, only a desire to cause me pain and suffering. Once more I wished I knew what had turned his friendship into such bitter loathing.

Even though I'd thought we were friends, Rukia didn't falter as she made the accusation. But now her eyes were wide with shock as she realised what she'd said. She was shaking her head as words of denial sprang to my lips, but I remembered I had acted thoughtlessly, at least on one occasion and only recently. That memory made my heart lighten and a small smile touched my lips. Some mistakes ended up being inspired. "Yes, I had sex with Zaraki the first time we met, alone. I don't deny that nor do I regret it. Why do you regret having sex?"

"Because I'm meant to uphold the standards or so my brother tells me over and over. I don't want to admit we started having sex the day after we arrived in the human world." As soon as she realised her admission, she dropped her head to her chest and her shoulders shook convulsively.

"Yumichika works as fast as his captain," I observed dryly as I patted Rukia on the shoulder. There was more background there. Possibly Rukia and Yumichika had been meeting privately in the Seireitei before they left, but nothing had developed until she was free of her brother's observation and Renji was distracted by the odd assortment of personalities at Urahara's shop.

"And I still haven't got over him," her voice was low and pained.

"You'd been noticing him, how long, before we went to the human world?" This was beginning to sound suspiciously familiar. Did we all notice another person and not act on the feelings?

"Ever since Renji introduced us," she admitted painfully. "He's different to the other Shinigami. At first I thought he and Ikkaku were lovers, because of all the rumours."

I'd heard those rumours too and I shrugged. "Rumours! I heard a rumour that you were sleeping with Ichigo, but I didn't believe that. And it was suspicious. You slept in his wardrobe for weeks."

The startled expression that passed across Rukia's face almost made me laugh. "Ichigo? And me?" As all the implications passed through her mind she began to look slightly sick. "It's not true! No one could believe that!"

I smiled and said slowly, "Rumours are not truth. I've given up listening to them. I always missed out on hearing the good ones anyway as many of them involved me." I gave Rukia a very innocent look and after a second, she giggled. Even as I told the lie, I excused it. I thought I knew every rumour, every harsh and ugly detail of the things I was supposed to have done, but they meant nothing to me.

"So you didn't sleep with all your friends in alphabetical order?"

I hadn't heard that rumour, but I shook my head. Alphabetical order? That would mean a more methodical mind than mine. "No. Was it first of last name that I used for the order?"

Frowning, Rukia shrugged uneasily.

"And is it true that your brother is secretly meeting with Renji for clandestine passion?" I asked, trying to shock her with a stupid rumour I'd heard. If it had been true, Rukia would not be in a muddle, but it would also provide difficulty, especially if her brother was now engaged to an unnamed pregnant……. Shinigami?

Rukia choked and looked at me, her mouth wide open. "My brother and Renji?" Her voice ended on a high squeak. "The noble Captain Byakuya Kuchiki and Lieutenant Renji Abarai?" She began to laugh, softly at first and then increasingly loudly. "Next someone will suggest your husband and Ichigo."

The mention of my husband matched with anyone else made me flinch. "If there was even the slightest doubt in my mind, they would both be dead."

The in-taken breath made me look at Rukia. She looked terrified. "I'm not suggesting anything. From the few seconds I saw you together; it's obvious that Kenpachi adores you. I was trying to point out how absurd the idea was."

I nodded, understanding what she meant. People would make up strange stories to satisfy their own beliefs. It meant nothing, but it could cause harm. Now I had made her laugh, it seemed that the truth should come out. "It didn't start in the human world, did it? Your relationship with Yumichika."

As the colour drained from Rukia's face I awaited the words of dissent.

"We only met to talk, about Renji and Ikkaku" she said in a whisper. "And he wanted to hear about the human world. We talked and then we talked about other things. About growing up, the Academy and our Captains. He's so handsome and as I thought he was gay, I thought he was safe, but then I began to develop feelings for him. I kept looking at his hands and imagined what it would be like if he touched me."

I nodded. Yumichika was attractive, if you liked very handsome men. He wasn't to my taste, but I could see how other women would find him attractive. "Safe? You really haven't heard all the rumours about Yumichika," I told her.

She shrugged, without any emotion. "I know he's not safe now. Dangerous, hot and gorgeous, but not safe."

I almost chucked at her description of the 11th Division 5th seat. I wouldn't have ascribed those words to him, but each of us had our own preferences.

"We met accidentally the day after we arrived in the human world and I sort of let it slip that I thought he was gay. He immediately offered to prove he wasn't and I agreed, thinking he was going to pick up some woman. I was jealous, but followed him as he led the way. Instead he took me to a love hotel." Her eyes went dreamy and she shivered at the memory. "He'd asked me about them and I described them thinking he was finding it amusing, not that he was planning anything. We took a room for the whole night and he proved he wasn't gay. We didn't even make it to the bed! Then he insisted he had to keep proving that he liked women and I had to prove I wasn't a lesbian, many times. But I don't love him. I don't." The words were flat and held no shred of truth.

I was beginning to get a very good idea of why we didn't see Rukia or Yumichika often in the human world. The constant burden of proof kept them busy.

"Face it, Rukia. That is the weakest refutation I've ever heard."

"I don't love him," her voice rose again. "It would hurt Renji too much if I'd fallen in love with someone else."

"But it's alright to fuck Yumichika as often as you did and fall pregnant to him as long as you don't love him. That won't hurt Renji? That you're only using Yumichika for sex? What does that say about you?" Putting it into these words would, I hoped, make Rukia acknowledge that what she was saying was a load of garbage. The poor girl didn't want to hurt Renji, but she couldn't stop giving into her feelings.

She stared at me, her large eyes growing even larger as she began to grasp what I said. Her face seemed to crumple and I prepared for the tears that were certain to fall.

"You can't always choose whom you love," I told her.

The room was already quiet but I could hear Rukia's breath become louder as she struggled with her thoughts. There was little more I could do to help her come to terms with the truth or assist her in her continued denial. Deciding to give her more space I walked to the window and looked out onto the bleak landscape. In my previous visit I had been too preoccupied to look at the scenery. The moon was misshapen, looking like a single cold orb that was observing the land beneath with contempt. It reminded me the way Aizen had regarded me after the rape. This place suited the man more than the Seireitei ever had. Outside the building everything seemed dead or empty, within was a spartan space inhabited by arrogant, selfish and hungry monsters. Rukia had fought and barely beaten one of them at great cost and she was still recovering from her injuries.

A violent explosion of guilt ripped through me. This wasn't fair to Rukia, but it hadn't been fair to Renji either. But if I did nothing the situation would deteriorate even further, if that was possible. As usual I had entered a situation I knew nothing about and was making everything worse.

'You're right," a small voice told me.

Would this help? Making Rukia face up to her real feelings was a tiny part of the solution and this was not the only problem we faced. I dreaded trying to sort out the rest.

* * *

A.N.

Soundtrack

'Sly' The Cat Empire

'Season of Hollow Soul' k.d. Lang

'Life in a Glasshouse' Radiohead.

This chapter has been sitting around for a while and I thought I'd post it. Oh, yeah. Thanks for the reviews. Nice.

Review. I like reviews.


	31. The Demand

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, mostly._

**The Demand**

"You're right, Ran. I hate it when other people are right and I'm wrong." Rukia's voice drew me away from my thoughts and for a moment I couldn't recall what I was right about. Being right didn't happen often enough for my liking.

I was still experiencing the guilt and uncertainty that I was acting in a manner that would benefit everyone, let along one person. And that one person would still be consumed by rage and pain which would take too long to pass. There was no easily administered panacea to the pain that Renji suffered and Rukia was feeling the pain as well. She would for some time, weeks, maybe months. She had inflicted almost as much pain on herself as she had on Renji but she would feel guilt as well. There was no luxury in indulging in anger as it could only be directed at herself.

I didn't want to estimate how long it would be before Renji could awaken from a sleep without the tearing feeling at his chest to remind him of what he had lost. And the silent, desperate yells of anger against fate and the former lover. He would experience the anger and I wondered if it would help in handling the pain or he would turn the anger inward. Unlikely as it seemed it was difficult to predict how he would manage his emotions.

From my experience I knew that even a hangover didn't help the morning memory. Instead it meant two competing pains, one in the head and one in the heart. I blinked back the tears that stood in my eyes as I contemplated the days facing Renji. Since I had heard about the termination of my previous pregnancy, tears were never far from my eyes but now I kept ascribing their presence to a different reason. I didn't need to think of loss. Others had experienced loss also and they needed my help.

Before I said anything that might make me look like I hadn't been paying attention I confirmed what Rukia was saying. "You're admitting you love Yumichika?" It was either that or she was agreeing we couldn't always choose whom we loved.

"You said we can't always choose. I haven't chosen, I don't want to choose, but I can't…," Rukia said.

The woman was making as much sense as I normally did when I was trying to escape from saying something that might make me feel too much, or when I was trying to avoid the truth. It rarely worked for me, and I wasn't feeling in a generous mood. "Then don't. Just accept. Fighting against feelings only causes friction." Help. That one word and I was thinking about sex again and the friction I wanted to feel with Zaraki. I hoped she didn't guess where my mind was taking me. Guilt, sex, sorrow.

Her words managed to help me drag my mind back to our conversation because of her incredulous tone. "But love? Love Yumichika?"

I was pleased he wasn't here to hear this. If it had been me I would have found the disbelief in her voice painful, if I loved her. The doubt, pain and fear would have punched him in the chest as surely as Renji would punch Yumichika, once he found out the truth. How the disclosure would affect both of their relationships with Ikkaku was another factor I didn't wish to consider. Ikkaku would support Yumichika, because their friendship had lasted through so many years and other disasters, but how would Renji view that? He valued Ikkaku as a friend, almost as much as he had valued Rukia, before he tried to move their friendship into love. Would he be able to come to terms with the fact that his life long friend loved someone he knew and liked and a man he admired so much supported his enemy???

I hoped it would be a long time before he found out, but I felt certain that one member of our party would take great pleasure in inflicting even greater injury and pain by disclosing the name of Rukia's lover. I wished he would be inflicted with a case of fatal laryngitis, but knew that it wouldn't work.

Then remembering the conversation I'd had with Retsu, I wondered if Renji had thought the child was his? He knew she had been pregnant and Rukia had confessed to trying to have sex with him to obscure the identity of the father, but failing due to some reason she was unable to admit. How long had it been since she'd had sex with Renji.

"Why not? You can admit you loved Renji," I reminded her. "Did he think he was the father of your child?"

Her face paled and I cursed by my flippant reply as tears again coursed down her cheeks. "Oh, my poor Renji." She hugged her arms around herself and rocked slightly back and forth. "He never asked, but it would have been impossible. My poor Renji!

"Not your Renji. Your friend, Renji, but not your Renji." Despite everything I thought I should point out that she should retain her distance and her focus. "At the moment I doubt he would even claim friendship."

"What can I do?" While her voice was pained, she wasn't whining or complaining, only asking for some guidance. "I was thinking only of myself and my loss. I was selfish and wanted to be free of a relationship that would be built on lies and deceit. It sounds strange but I wanted to free him so he could find someone to love him, and I made a mess of it and hurt him."

Rukia wasn't Momo. She was sensible and had suffered considerably, facing each challenge bravely which made me admire her. I doubted that I would have recovered and forgiven quite as easily as she had done. She'd forgiven her brother for his indifference and Renji for his actions in the human world when he had come to retrieve her. Instead of deserting the Seireitei for a place that would protect her she had continued working, trying to assist others. At no time had she sought a saviour or failed in her obligations, but now she seemed lost and uncertain. I couldn't blame her.

If I expressed pity she would either reject it or resent it. "You can continue to fight. We need to win this war and defeat the Espada."

"But Renji? Yumichika?"

"You can't do anything for Renji. Don't you understand?" Even though I wasn't sure, I hoped she wanted honesty and it would only be fair to provide it. "You have to work out your feelings and how to live with them and he has to do the same. If you try anything now it will make matters worse."

I was about to continue but the door opened and I knew I hadn't heard anyone knock. Before I could voice a protest I had been picked up and was being carried elsewhere. "Zaraki!"

"What? You had time to talk to her, didn't you?" My husband held me even closer and I tried to look over his shoulder. Rukia looked stunned and seemed to be fighting her desire to either laugh or cry. "Hey, you, Rukia. Follow. We have a meeting and I want you there to beat some sense into your brother, or at least make him stop acting like he's got gum disease. Would it break his face to smile?" he called to her and I saw her nod dumbly and begin to follow.

A slight depression overcame me. He hadn't come to claim me for more sex, but a meeting. I knew which out of the two I preferred. And this meeting was going to be confrontational at best.

"Why now?" I asked and then kissed his cheek.

A smug look played across his features as I kissed him again. "Can't get enough of me, can you, wife?" he said. "Don't worry. This will be a short meeting so we can establish who is what and where and why."

I wanted to ask more questions, or at least obtain one answer, but we were in the room we had met in earlier and I didn't want to argue. Everyone except Chad and Ishida were there. Even Renji was there, blinking, his eyes red and his movement slow and sluggish. Captain Kuchiki and Ichigo sat on either side of him. When Rukia entered, Renji tried to rise, but collapsed back onto his chair as Ichigo and Captain Kuchiki held him by the shoulders.

"Bitch," Renji said, his voice slurred.

"Wenji," Nel said in a reproving manner.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, shut up Renji," Ichigo growled his voice showing his weariness at the insult. "We're here to talk strategy, not about our doomed love lives. You could at least say something different."

"Fucking bitch," Renji said and tried to spit at Rukia.

"Wenji!" Nel sounded shocked and Yachiru patted her on the shoulder as she padded closer to the Shinigami.

Casually, Captain Kuchiki slapped Renji so his head rocked on his shoulders. "She is the daughter of a noble house and my sister," he reminded his lieutenant. "Do not speak to her in that manner."

"You didn't have to hit my Wenji so hard," Nel said reprovingly to Captain Kuchiki. She climbed onto Renji's lap and cuddled up to him protectively, and glared at Rukia. "He's upset."

Protected as I was in Zaraki's arms I could almost feel Rukia flinch at the words, the hate, the glare and the slap.

"Renji Abarai! You insisted that you be permitted to attend this meeting and agreed to behave in a fitting manner. Are you prepared for the consequences if you disappoint me?" Her voice might be calm, but there was no hiding the purpose behind Retsu's words. The stern gaze fixed on my friend made me feel for him as it promised reprisals if the instructions weren't followed.

Slumping down, his hair obscuring his face, Renji seemed to choose not to disappoint Retsu. I thought I saw Ichigo pat his shoulder before punching it hard when he saw Rukia looking in his direction. Males bonding against the common enemy: women, but pretending that they didn't. I didn't expect anything more from a teenager and a male who had been wounded so recently by his one time love.

"Do I really need to be here?" Kurotsuchi tried to feign indifference. He was standing, not hiding his impatience, a large red and purple hand shaped bruise forming on his neck where my husband had held him. Nemu stood stiffly beside him, looking depressed and weary. She kept her gaze downcast as if ashamed or unwilling to meet anyone's gaze. I had not missed her father's glare at Zaraki as we entered the room but Zaraki had simply growled and bared his teeth at him slightly.

"We all need to be here except for Chad and Ishida. Hopefully they aren't implicated in any of these confusions," Captain Kuchiki said slowly. "Or do I mean confessions?" He raised a carefully studied eyebrow and looked at each of the females in the room in a speculative manner. "As such, their presence is not needed."

"I have nothing to confess to you," I blurted out. His superior attitude was irritating me and I didn't see that he had the right to demand any information from any of us. Whatever it was, I was certain that it would be none of his business and potentially cause problems for all of us.

Kurotsuchi laughed and the sound jarred on my ears. "Setting yourself up as a religious person or a mind doctor, Kuchiki? Confession is not part of my nature because it is a sign of weakness. I prefer facts. And my business is no business of yours."

The faint whisper of a sigh touched my ears and I watched the expression of the 6th Division Captain remain unchanged as he observed his brother officer. "I am asking for facts, Captain. Is your daughter pregnant?" The tone was cool but commanding and made me wonder why he was asking the father and not the daughter. But would Kurotsuchi even permit his daughter to talk?

A smug look passed over the man's face at the question. "Is that what this is about? The possible fecund state of the females we have accompanying us? I think we should send them all back to the Seireitei. Females are unsuited to fighting, whether they're pregnant or not. My theory is it is because they have the wrong type of minds. Their reflexes are too slow, except for my daughter. But she is female and therefore inferior and expendable."

I drew in my breath in a sharp hiss. Glancing at Rukia, Retsu and the other women in the room I could see his comments had not escaped their attention, but Nemu only stood there, her head hanging down, and her hands were crossed in front of her. Even a whispered comment from Yachiru left her unaffected.

"A question requires an answer and you did not provide one," Retsu replied, her voice even while her eyes, bright with anger, stared at the 12th Division captain.

The large smile that dominated the man's face made him even more unattractive than normal. "My daughter is not, nor ever will be, pregnant. I created her and made certain she is sterile. As her creator I deserve her full attention; and do not want her distracted by some puling brat gotten on her by a bald inferior. In that way she is superior to all women as she will never suffer the weakness of motherhood."

Involuntarily my eyes were drawn to Nemu as her father revealed a secret of her existence. She was very still, silent and though I thought it impossible, she had become whiter than I'd ever seen her. Then it struck me. Her father hadn't told her that she was infertile. If he hadn't told her that, what other secrets about her creation and existence did he still know, but hadn't shared?

"Mayuri," her voice was breathy and broken but she raised her head and met his eyes with her own. "You lied to me."

"Shut up, Nemu," he said and slapped her or tried to, but her hand interposed between them. She didn't try to hurt him, but only deflected the blow. Her eyes were no longer staring at the floor.

"No. I will not remain quiet. You told me to break with my lover because you would kill any child we had" Nemu said her voice breaking. "And you said you'd kill Ikkaku if I ever conceived."

"What a fool you are. By now you should understand that you have no choices aside from those I make on your behalf." Kurotsuchi seemed to care little for the reaction of his daughter. "A pregnant fighter is a liability, not that you serve as much except as a shield, pregnant or not."

I knew the 12th Division Captain was cruel and the most unpleasant man I had encountered, with one or two exceptions, but it was beyond my comprehension that he could behave like this. I looked around the room to gauge the others reactions. Retsu had her eyes fixed on Nemu, the look of compassion on her face made it clear to me that she found the lies more hurtful than the action. Isane had reached out involuntarily to Nemu and was now blushing and turning away, not wishing her automatic reaction to be seen and misinterpreted. Rukia had crouched down and seemed to be whispering to Yachiru as her face was near Yachiru's shoulder but I could the tension in her shoulders. Captain Kuchiki appeared unmoved except for a raised eyebrow, but his nostrils were pinched and white. Ichigo, Nel, Pesche and were all sitting on Renji who was flailing his arms as he tried to rise to his feet.

"Ikkaku! You did that to Ikkaku. You bastard. You're almost as bad as that whey faced bitch that was going to marry me. The things he went through because of Nemu! He was prepared to do anything to make her life better, even give her up. Whatever she wanted, but she wanted him, and he agreed. And all this time you were playing them like puppets. You're like all these bloody captains and nobles. Think you can do anything, treat everyone the way you want because we don't matter. You should marry that lying cow, my former fiancée. You deserve each other. No honour, no care, just greed and more greed for power," he yelled until Dondochakka shoved his hand over his mouth.

"You're making my headache don't cha know. And upsetting Nel. Be quiet." The big Hollow told him.

Yachiru surprised me. She was patting Rukia on the back with care, but her eyes had hardened into the volcanic obsidian, black, sharp and eerily shiny, and were fixed with implacable hatred on Kurotsuchi. "Shut up, Lieutenant Abarai," she said quietly. Though quiet, her voice quietened everyone in the room and focused all attention on her. "Rukia made a mistake and if you used those two remaining brain cells you have, you'd know that. She fell in love with someone else in the human world while you were busy at Urahara's. She didn't want to get engaged to you. Anyone with half an eye could see that."

I hadn't, but I hadn't really been paying much attention to what was happening around me in the human world. As Rukia had been frank with me I knew who the man she had bestowed her 'affection' on, but Yachiru had accused her of falling in love which made Rukia look more lost and bleak than before. She had still been denying that possibility only half an hour earlier and if hadn't been for her hard won self control I knew she would be crying. I did not believe her denial, it was clear that she shared something special with Yumichika, but was not prepared to admit that it was anything more than misplaced lust. Why did she find it so difficult?

Even as I tried to comprehend, I recalled my denials and the way I had challenged my feelings when I thought I was falling for Zaraki, but not to the extent that Rukia was doing. It could be that guilt was preventing her from making the admission, or there were other, deeper problems that needed to be addressed before she could freely accept her emotions. Fervently I hoped she would find a way to overcome those obstacles, but not through talking them over with me. The brief discussion we had only proved that I did not manage to cope with other peoples problems even if they were closely aligned with mine. I had enough trouble trying to retain a sense of balance and found I was again wavering between a need to mourn the baby I had lost, or rejoice in the news of the child I was now carrying. The conflicting emotions were hard to reconcile, so once again I tried to forget until I had a more impartial perspective, or at least that was what I told myself. Trying to be impartial about it would be as likely as Aizen apologising to Yamamoto and begging to be incarcerated in the Maggots Nest.

Kurotsuchi feigned a look of surprise and then chuckled, a malicious edge discernable. "I did nothing to your bald friend. He did it to himself. If people choose to ignore warnings, or disobey instructions from their betters, they have to expect frustration and failure. You did administer the medicine as you were told, didn't you, Nemu?"

Medicine? To whom and why? And why was he mentioning it now? The man was an enigma.

"No," Nemu said, her eyes brighter than I had ever seen them.

"I gave you a direct order," her father squealed, obviously displeased that his daughter had defied him. "I didn't want to leave any loose ends behind."

"You don't have the right to decide who should live and die, father." The heavy emphasis on the last word and her sudden straight posture made me wonder if Yachiru had been talking to the girl, perhaps spreading a little rebellion against parental authority.

"I have told you before, that I have total autonomy," he averred. His teeth showing and his eyes glittering, the man did not inspire confidence.

"As you evidently wish to discuss private matters, you may be excused," Captain Kuchiki said, cutting through the developing domestic.

The look he received from the 12th Division Captain indicated that the man did not appreciate the interruption. "You insisted we attend, therefore we stay. Nemu, we will talk of this later."

"I will not blindly follow your orders in future," Nemu said staunchly and I saw Yachiru nodding in agreement a pleased look on her face. "I don't care what you do, Mayuri. Disassemble me if you want, but you'll have to wait until we return to the Seireitei."

"And before you can I will arrange to transfer your daughter to my Division," Retsu said sotto voce, so that only those standing near her could catch her words.

Kurotsuchi must have heard something as he turned his face toward my friend, but before he could ask, Captain Kuchiki spoke again. "We are aware of two pregnancies within this mission. I feel it is necessary we discover if there are any more."

A gasp and choked cry came from Rukia, but she stood and stated clearly, "I am not pregnant, brother. Not now."

Her brother nodded slowly. He didn't say anything but his gaze was compassionate as he looked at his sister.

"It wasn't mine, either. The slut was going to marry me and try to convince me the bastard was my kid. I didn't care after she lost the thing, but she didn't even tell me she was breeding. Hey, Rukia. When would you have told me? Huh? Would you've told me who the father was? Well, would you, bitch?" Renji had not been placated and was still furious.

"WENJI! Bad Wenji!" Nel smacked him gently with her hand.

Ichigo looked at Retsu and Captain Kuchiki. "Look, I don't need to be here. I'm not pregnant. I haven't had a chance to get anyone pregnant and Renji is going to go ballistic if he's here much longer. Let me take him somewhere else."

Retsu nodded slowly her sad eyes fixed on Renji. "I think its best, but if you can perhaps take him to help guard the perimeter. It might keep him occupied and in company."

"If my Wenji is going, then so is Nel."

"If Nel is going, we're going too," Pesche said. "We'll keep the man busy. You can stay here, Ichigo," he said quietly.

I had not seen Ichigo look so downcast before. Very unhappily he sat down again and watched the foursome leave the room. "Are you sure you need me?" he asked plaintively.

"No. Go with your Hollow friends," Kurotsuchi sneered.

"I wasn't asking you, jerk," Ichigo shot back. His attitude had changed with the comment from the 12th Division Captain and now he appeared determined to stay. Nel and her friends dragged a protesting Renji from the room.

Shouts were heard in the corridor and then a firm voice was heard to say, "Wenji. If you don't behave I will let Pesche use his infinite slick on you and then let Dondochakka explain how Nel got this way. We can play tag. Won't that be fun? Or we can find someone to fight." The voice trailed off as they moved further away, the protests becoming fewer.

"Let's finalise this. Interruptions are only prolonging this discussion," Captain Kuchiki said smoothly. "As Nel is a child, she can be excluded from this discussion."

Yachiru piped in. "You're wrong 'Kya. She's only a kid sometimes, but I don't think she's pregnant. She's obviously got it bad for Pineapple head."

The Captain shuddered at the diminutive use of his name. "The name is Captain Kuchiki."

"Would you prefer it if I called you Chiki?" Yachiru wondered aloud. I thought 'Kya sounded better, but I could always call you…"

"Captain Kuchiki," the Captain said insistently.

Retsu began to giggle but coughed loudly and announced, "Both Lieutenant Matsumoto and I are pregnant. We know that Rukia and Nemu are not and we hope that Nel isn't due to her apparent age."

"Uh, okay," Ichigo said, his stunned demeanour showing as he darted glances at the 4th Division Captain and me. He furrowed his brow and looked at the other females in the room with speculation and then shook his head in confusion.

"Isane? Yachiru?" Retsu asked pointedly.

I felt Zaraki tense as Yachiru was asked the question. I hadn't even contemplated that possibility and I pitied any man who dared to touch Yachiru either with or without her consent.

"Me?" Yachiru said. "No. I was saving myself for 'Kya, but now he's engaged I'll have to allow at least a hundred years for my broken heart to mend. I might eventually forgive Kiyone." She gave him an evil grin and he looked shocked and then mastered his reaction and recovered his normal impartial expression.

The revelation seemed to startle everyone except Isane.

"Kiyone? She's the femme fatale who got you into trouble?" Zaraki marvelled. "I'd never guessed it was her. I thought it might be that girl Matsumoto told me about, Tatsuki. She sounds more your type, but you've never met her." He laughed loudly and hugged me tightly. "What happened? Did she get you drunk and leap on you? Huh? Poor Kuchiki."

The clearly defined cheekbones of the Captain were being stained a fiery red, so different to the normal cream. His expression became closed and more forbidding with each word my husband uttered.

"I'm sorry, brother," Rukia began.

"You've said enough, Zaraki. Teasing the Captain won't help anyone," Retsu said.

"At least your family will stop trying to marry you off to Yoruichi or Fong," Zaraki said before I elbowed him sharply in the ribs. I hated to spoil his enjoyment of the situation but it wasn't helping matters. "Wife, you'll pay for that later," he hissed in my ear as he rubbed his stomach in a completely unconvincing manner.

Smiling at him I answered, "I'm counting on it."

"An extremely bad combination of genes. The offspring will be flawed. I suggest you terminate the experiment and commence again with a better receptacle," Kurotsuchi said as scornfully as he could.

That's my sister you're insulting," Isane began talking over the Captain but he just smiled and continued, his gaze raking her body.

"This one would be preferable, but she appears to already have an occupied womb."

A number of exclamations of shock went through the room. 'Who is the father?' was my first thought, but I couldn't work it out. I felt a chill creep over my skin. Was Isane's another ill fated relationship and how pregnant was she? I saw Retsu pat her reassuringly on the shoulder.

"Three pregnant women. It doesn't have to be this way," Kurotsuchi talked directly to Captain Kuchiki. "As the senior Captains of this mission we can force terminations and then the problem will be resolved. I can render them sterile at the same time." He licked his lip with seeming anticipation.

I felt sick at the suggestion and clutched Zaraki's arm tightly. They couldn't do that, could they? Then I noticed how still my husband had become. I looked at his face and saw the rage that had built within him. Isane was white, while Retsu looked as if someone had struck her. I prayed that something would happen before Zaraki erupted and I knew that was a scant few seconds away. The only reason he hadn't done anything was he was cradling me close, after noticing my fear. I had expected him to be on his feet taking Kurotsuchi to pieces by now. Then it struck me that maybe he was placing my fear above his anger. Strange as it seems, that scared me.

Before Kurotsuchi could say anything further, Retsu said with firm determination, "I am the senior captain. I say no."

"But we can't include you," the grin that covered the face was hideous with the weight of malice and revenge. "You're part of the problem and irrational due to your hormone imbalance. If you'd agreed to my earlier proposition…."

"No woman could agree to what you suggested," Retsu said, a sheen of perspiration on her forehead.

"But you could have offered your lieutenant. Pregnant woman are a liability, even you must recognise that. Captain Kuchiki, you must agree.."

"No." The 6th Division Captain had risen to his feet as had Ichigo. Both had their hands ready to draw their zanpakuto's and I saw steely intent in their eyes. "What you suggest defies every law we uphold."

"Just one termination, then. Either the slut or the stork, I don't care," Kurotsuchi insisted.

An angry gasp drew my attention to Isane who was now standing looking angry. I had never seen her look angry before. "My sister insisted you were perverted, but I told her that you were a Captain and she should only demonstrate respect, but she was right. What business is it of yours if I am pregnant? Or if she is? Or the whole female population of the Seireitei? You wouldn't be the father. No one would let you touch them. Repulsive, wormy…"

"Slug breath," Yachiru supplied helpfully.

Kurotsuchi was looking at Isane as if she had gone insane, his mouth flapping soundlessly as he tried to think of something to reply. Having never seen the man lost for words I wanted to laugh, and as this was the first time he seemed less than comfortable with the way he was being observed

Zaraki carefully lifted me off his lap and placed me very gently on a chair and for a brief moment I thought I smelt the salty, copper aroma of blood, but looking at him I could see no sign of it. The control in his movement demonstrated just how furious he was. Clearing his throat he said softly, though his voice reverberated through the room, "Shut up, Kurotsuchi."

Yachiru looked at her Captain, and I saw a fear reflected in that gaze I had never expected to witness. Maybe I would find out one of the things I didn't understand about my husband. If so, I wasn't eager for the revelation.

* * *

A.N.

For those who don't know, a one-shot, 'The Burden of Proof', has been posted which explains how Yumichika and Rukia's relationship began. At present three more off-shoots (again only one-shots) are being considered. One each for Kiyone, Isane and Retsu. It depends on time and inclination.

Soundtrack

'Conceirto de Aranjuez' Joaquin Rodrigo

'Superheroes' Daft Punk

'Genie of the Lab' Wicked Beat Sound System

Review. I like reviews.


	32. The Warrior

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, mostly._

**The Warrior**

Yachiru might look scared, Retsu might be the most senior officer, Isane might have told him what she thought but Kurotsuchi was talking to the other males as if we weren't there. And they were ignoring us as well! How could they pretend that we weren't there, or ignore the possibility that we might have opinions on the matters under discussion? Were they so ignorant that they thought we would idly stand by and permit them to make a decision which could result in having any possible new life we were carrying destroyed on some male whim without any action? It provided an insight into how Kurotsuchi viewed other people and the whole thick headed male way of thinking.

Kurotsuchi's view on females was already clear from the way he treated his daughter. Even though she was a creation of his own and, by his own admission, contained some of his essence, he couldn't accept her as an equal. None of us were his equal, in his mind and I would have learnt that if I'd listened to him properly. As pregnant females posed a problem, he would simply remove the problem with no consideration of emotions, physical consequences and regardless of the wishes of the females. Breeding animals were of limited use and could be discarded as required.

It bore out my theory that he believed that we shouldn't have control of our own bodies. I hated men like him! Not that I needed any additional reasons to hate the man.

I stood, despite the face that Zaraki was already trying to handle the problem. I wasn't going to put up with these men and their attitudes or permit them to ignore us any longer. "Pregnancy is not a disease, you idiots," I stormed at them, furious at being treated as if I'd lost my intelligence and right to decide because I was pregnant. "Women don't lose the use of their limbs or abilities because of it. I can still fight and defend myself. I don't need to rely on some man to save me when I can save myself."

"Like you did when you were abducted," Kurotsuchi asked with cold amusement and I felt the bile rise in my throat at the reminder. "Yes, you saved yourself then, didn't you? Your husband didn't have to break all the rules to go and retrieve you, did he? He didn't put others in jeopardy? You were doing just fine when he got here, amusing yourself with your lovers. And you didn't nearly die, did you?"

The pain and anger that his words aroused robbed me of speech. I found it hard to believe that he would mock me on that subject. How could I protect myself when I was unconscious? Even while he exposed my weakness he made the whole incident seem insignificant and trivial. I had nearly died, but his voice, words and tone implied that I had either participated in the whole disaster or been weak and foolish in permitting it to happen. I had trouble thinking of how to reply without crying or attacking the man.

"That's nothing to joke about," Arai said, obviously aghast at the comments. His quick movement toward his zanpakuto was halted by the sound of his captain's voice.

"Kurotsuchi, I'm warning you," Zaraki's voice was low and deep as Yachiru held onto his arm exerting her hidden strength trying to keep him still. "Don't speak to my wife like that. You slight us all." He jerked his arm hard, but Yachiru held on strongly. Arai quickly joined her, holding onto my husband's other arm, but I didn't think they'd hold him for long. A soft growl echoed through the room and I felt goose bumps form on my arms. That terrifying noise was issuing from my husband. I had hardly recognised the voice as being his as it barely sounded human. The scent of salt and copper grew in strength.

"Why is it any concern of hers? She only lives because we permit her to continue her existence. I feel that's the best way to treat all females," Kurotsuchi said as he smiled without amusement. "Getting upset again, Zaraki? Pavlov and Skinner would be jealous of the fun I will have with you."

The names threw me as I had no idea who those people were. Before anything else could be said Zaraki picked up Yachiru and bundled her into Arai's unwilling arms, despite both their protests. "Hold her," he commanded with the authority of one who knows he will not be denied. Again his voice was nearly unrecognisable and made me shudder.

"Don't do it Ken-chan. It's the worst thing you can do, you know that," Yachiru's voice was a thin scream of fear and anguish. "Think of my brother or sister. Please."

"Get back all of you, except you, my friend," the ironic greeting to Kurotsuchi fooled no one. The words were followed by a large gout of blood which splattered on the floor as Zaraki spat at the 12th Division captains feet.

My eyes were fixed on the dark red, gleaming pool that absorbed the light around it. Back in the Academy, in one of the lessons I had nearly paid attention to, the instructor had mentioned something about blood and fighting. It was something extraordinarily rare and dangerous that could occur to a handful of fighters and was triggered by the taste of blood. Most often their own. When any of these people were identified they were hunted down with the intention to incarcerate them in the Maggots Nest, but from what the instructor said all of them had been killed. While the objective was to put them in the prison, the fate of each one had been death because they refused to be captured alive. The death toll from these incidents was never disclosed and the estimates were very high. I had heard murmuring that even if one was captured; there was no guarantee that the Maggot's Nest would hold them.

Greatly prized, if there was any way to control the power, but instead mainly feared, I had thought they were a legend, or perhaps hoped would be the more correct word. I had forgotten that legends occasionally had a basis in truth. It's hard to adjust quickly when you find you've married a legend. A legend that would deliver a brutal and fast death, to scores of people if necessary; me included.

Unwillingly I dragged my gaze from the hypnotic glitter of the blood staining the floor and allowed it to travel to where my husband stood. I didn't notice the nails biting into my palms as I, with a great amount of cowardice trying to prevent me from doing so, forced my eyes to travel up his body.

I allowed my eyes to linger on his chest, but after noticing there was not much physical evidence of change from what I could see there, I finally looked at his face. He'd replaced his eye patch before he'd interrupted my conversation with Rukia and for the first time I was pleased that I could only view one eye. Trickles of red escaped his mouth, flowing over his chin and down his neck, staining his skin and the material it met. The blood smeared over his teeth and I imagined he'd either bitten his tongue or cheek to induce the transformation.

I wasn't certain if his teeth seemed longer, but once again I was reminded of how large and sharp they were. How easily he'd broken the skin of my neck, bruising a large area when he'd bitten me in the fit of anger he'd experienced when he doubted my motives for marrying him. The white and red were startling in their contrast, but it was the eye that I could see that showed what had happened. His mouth stretched wide in a grin without any sign of humour and my stomach sank.

The iris had turned red. Not pink, or crimson, or the rusty brown of old blood, but the colour of freshly shed arterial blood. In watching it for a few minutes I noticed him only blink twice and each time was a relief to see that fierce, rage red gaze covered, even briefly.

My hand flat on my stomach, I feared the next word, the next action. With his face set, the scar was an oddly blue colour in his face, dissecting his features more strongly than before, showing that the blow had been meant to cleave his skull in two and once more I was led to wonder who had landed that blow. The answer of how he survived was becoming clearer. The bells in his hair jangled instead of tinkling. There were changes that were not just physical, but each new manifestation was an added fear.

I searched his face to see if my Zaraki was still there amongst the changes wrought by this hidden aspect of his nature. There were traces there, but the roused beast dominated and at any moment control would break. Once that happened it was impossible to predict the result.

"I think we should leave. NOW!" Her voice barely above a whisper Yachiru seemed unable to take her eyes from her Captain. "Slug breath will have to stay, but the rest of us can leave if we do it quickly and quietly. There's nothing we can do for him."

"Why should I stay? You should help me capture that specimen. Think of the things I can learn if I study him" shrilled Kurotsuchi, his eyes glittering with a mixture of greed and fascination. He took a step toward the door but Zaraki was there before him, blocking his way.

Shaking my head, I blinked and rubbed my eyes. He had been standing beside me and suddenly he was at the door. Until now I'd never seen him use Shun-po. Not every Shinigami mastered it and I remembered my Captain swearing as he began to learn the technique. Mistakenly he'd tried it in the office and kept colliding with the furniture until he decided to go outside. Of course I wanted to use the opportunity to have a nap while it was quiet, but he'd insisted I follow him and practice. I was still attempting to master the method, but I had improved. Having seen both Yoruichi and Captain Kuchiki use it so skillfully, I'd though that no one would be faster than either of them, but every indication showed that in this state my husband could possibly move even faster.

There was something very wrong here and while I felt I had some of the facts that would lead to a solution, I was reluctant to put them all together. Ignoring unpleasant specifics was much easier than trying to deal with the problem and it might go away, given time. All problems went away, eventually.

"Ken-chan," Yachiru's voice held a pleading urgency that made me yearn to help her.

"Zaraki," I said experimentally, unsure of the reaction I'd receive, if any.

"We have unfinished business, don't we Kurotsuchi?" The low rumble that emerged from Zaraki's throat was accompanied by blood dribbling from the corners of his mouth.

"No! We don't," the shrill denial didn't surprise me, but it sounded forced. The man again tried to make his way to the door, but Zaraki was again in front of him, blocking his way. The smile on his face had widened significantly.

"Years of unfinished business and deferred payments. I'm owed and now I collect," Zaraki said.

"Don't," Retsu said.

"Think man," Captain Kuchiki urged. He was standing in front of Rukia who was seemed stupefied by this latest development. She was switching her gaze between her brother and Zaraki, almost as though she was preparing to prevent them from fighting, though there was no evidence that they would. "Your wife is here. You don't need to do this now."

"Captain, listen to Captain Kuchiki!" Arai yelled, obviously terrified by this transformation. Yachiru was huddled in his arms, her eyes in larger in her stark white face.

"Mayuri?" Nemu seemed unsure what to do.

"Beloved," I croaked around the large lump that was forming in my throat. He'd ignored me. I may as well have not been there, not spoken. Feeling shut out of his notice increased the chill I was already experiencing and I blinked hard, trying to rid my eyes of the sign of weakness that had formed there. Men ignored their wives all the time. There was no point in crying about it.

"I won't even use my zanpakuto," Zaraki's attention remained completely focused on the 12th Division captain.

"I've heard of this phenomenon," Kurotsuchi tried to bluster. "I've wished to study this closely but I wasn't aware that you were one of the beasts. You will present yourself for study once we return to the Seireitei."

The loud laughter that met this demand made me quail. Even without a zanpakuto I didn't rate Kurotsuchi's chances of lasting for more than a minute against the creature that was in the form of my husband. I issued a mental reprimand. That creature was a person and he was my husband. My love for him remained, but despite good intentions it had altered slightly again, with fear added to the love in even larger measures. I was scared because I had not previously encountered this new side to the man I'd married.

That wasn't true. I had, very briefly glimpsed part of this unfamiliar aspect but I'd been too preoccupied to notice and then he'd further distracted me. Until now it had been pushed to the back of my mind, but I had partly known it was there.

"I don't believe he's listening," Captain Kuchiki said, rather lightly for the situation.

"Help me!" demanded the scientist. "A live Berserker; and one who seems to be able to control the phenomenon would be invaluable."

"And would you kill him to extract the secrets?"

I thought at first Retsu had spoken. I didn't recognise the brutal, dry voice and looked around to find everyone was looking at me. I'd asked the question. It was impossible to live in the Seireitei and remain ignorant of the manner in which 12th Division obtained much of its valuable material.

Before he could answer, Zaraki had lifted him off the floor. "Don't bother trying to poison me. It won't have any effect," was the chilling assurance.

In spite of that Kurotsuchi tried to draw his blade, but his arms were tight pressed to his sides and he started to gabble: pleas, demands even the occasional prayer and request for friendship.

"Time for talk is over. You've always had too much to say," my husband said and began to compress the body between his hands even further.

I didn't want to interfere. The man deserved everything and more that he was experiencing, but a quick glance at Nemu and Yachiru forced me to act. Nemu seemed to be preparing to interfere, with a mixture of terror, disgust and sadness in her expression. Never before had I seen her composure so disturbed even when she bore injuries that would kill a normal Shinigami. Zaraki's lieutenant was hysterically trying to struggle out of Arai's grip and had nearly succeeded. I did not envy the man and it seemed it would only be a matter of seconds before she could put herself in danger.

Reluctance to interfere was normal, and in this instance it was suicidal to attempt to come between the two men. Any person who tried to stop Zaraki would be stupid and inviting a painful death.

Stupid, rash, arrogant. My brain shrilled all those names at me as I prepared to take action. A sort of misguided honour forced me to act and a desperate need to get as much information about Aizen, his plans and Hueco Mundo. I knew who the traitor in 12th Division was; I knew who had conveyed the information about our marriage to Aizen and the others. The gabble was revealing more than the man's fears. He'd used Nemu to find out many secrets, done his own spying and provided regular updates through some secret device. If my husband killed him now, we might be losing a valuable but double edged weapon. I hesitated.

It didn't surprise me that Kurotsuchi was the traitor. Even before I had left the Seireitei I had formed an opinion on the spy's identity and my Captain has agreed with my suggestion. So had Captain Fong. Akon would never have obeyed anyone else when he was tasked with providing weapons to Momo. His loyalty and devotion to his captain were exemplary. It had been easy to identify the other threat; once we stripped away our natural reserve and dislike for believing that another Captain could be capable of betrayal.

This time the unmasking of the traitor didn't cut me quite as deeply as last time. I could only feel contempt for the man who had decided that his needs and opinions mattered more than thousands of others, but having been well acquainted with selfish men I knew he'd have some spurious justification for his actions. Possibly he felt he was better than the other captains, or that nothing should interfere with his role as a scientist and the demands of his research.

"He deserves to die," Retsu said quietly. "But this is too quick and clean. He has made others suffer and…" her voice trailed away.

To say I was astonished is to underestimate the reaction her words caused in me. It had never been suggested at the 4th Division Captain had even the slightest trace of malice in her psyche. She had often counselled forgiveness and ignoring old wounds and hurts, moving on to a new phase of life uncontaminated by the old. Now she was staring at the man with undisguised loathing. I wondered what in his outpouring of words had triggered this change and knew it would have to be something pretty extraordinary.

"And he might know the antidote for a certain condition," she murmured quietly. I think she didn't know she'd spoken aloud as her normally gentle gaze turned less forgiving. "One, I'm sure he engineered."

"Ken-chan. You said you'd bring back all the traitors," Yachiru's voice was taut with concern. "People want to see them on trial. They need to see it finalised."

Her words made no impact and then she began to sob, hitting out at Arai, trying to force him to let her go. As her fist made contact I saw him wince and his grip momentarily became looser. That was what made the decision for me.

I closed my eyes briefly. This was the last thing I wanted to do, but I felt that the circumstances were beyond my control and I had to take action, to recover my husband and prevent a traitor's death. "It's time," I thought.

It didn't matter that I wasn't prepared for this, could never be prepared to arm myself with my blade and then attempt to fight the strongest warrior in the Seireitei. I didn't have bankai and my zanpakuto's spirit had only recently become more accessible, but she was still flighty and prone to laziness and disobedience, when she wasn't trying to nap. For brief seconds I communed with my blade and then, as a final desperate measure, loosened my shirt, just a little. It was a move I was loath to take, but this was no time to attempt anything without using every possible advantage. As I tidied my hair I tried to emulate the expression that seemed to allure my husband the most.

Aware of the danger of the move, I approached my husband from behind and tried to press my body against his. Before I could finish he had spun around, Kurotsuchi between us. The man was panicking even more and had lost control of his bladder. Liquid seeped down his legs and was dripping off the ends of his feet. He was too preoccupied to notice.

"What do you want, woman? I'm busy here, but when I've finished with this jackals testicle I'll be ready for you," the almost unrecognisable voice told me. His eye glanced quickly at my face and returned to staring at the man struggling in had hands.

"I challenge you." The words were out and it actually sounded like I meant them.

"Don't!" The harsh cry of Yachiru was lost on me as I stared at my husband.

"Huh?" The shock of the challenge made him loosen his grip momentarily, enough for Kurotsuchi to draw in a trembling breath. "No."

For a second I thought I saw his eye clear and his face revert back to the one I loved. His body shuddered and the force of the shudder made the 12th Division Captain's head bounce on his neck. Maybe he was overcoming the creature that dwelt within him. I hope it was so and that I was providing the necessary distraction and reminder to help him. I continued, thinking it was the best way to help.

"I challenge you for my right to remain here. I'll fight you to prove I can defend myself against you, or anyone else." I sounded like I meant it, didn't I? If I could fool myself I might be able to fool him. Then, in an act of complete stupidity, I drew my blade and slashed at him, drawing some blood from his cheek and then ran my finger down my blade, licking it once it was coated with the red substance. I deliberately smeared it over my lips and let it drip onto my breasts as I forced a smile onto my face.

"No!" Yachiru screeched, desperation in her voice.

"Ran. I think that's a mistake," Rukia protested and a glance at her showed her shocked and terrified face.

"It's too late. The challenge had been issued," her brother said quietly, but sternly. "The only chance is that he will refuse."

I wasn't listening. All my attention was on my husband who had become extremely still as soon as I cut him. His gaze had been fixed on my face as I tasted his blood and the wave of conflicting emotions I saw sweep over my face was enough to tell me I'd made a major error. The struggle he was experiencing was visible, his eye glowed red and then he shut it, clutching the struggling man between his hands as if he would rend him in two, or as if he was the only thing preventing him from immediately killing me.

"Not my choice," he whispered and then the other Zaraki resurfaced, his cruel and crazed expression, red eye and a renewed effusion of blood spilled from his lips.

"Refuse!" yelled my husband. "Refuse the chance to fight the woman who won't obey me, even though she's my wife? You cut me woman and tasted my blood. Now, I'll taste yours; draw it from you it until it flows down my throat." Then he smiled.

Immediately I wished he hadn't done so. I could face his rage, his hatred but the level of calculation and cold I saw in his smile almost made me back away. Until now this side of the man had hidden within his character and he was without fear, friendship or love. My stupid action had done this and now I was facing a nightmare.

Arai put down his Lieutenant and prepared to draw his zanpakuto, but Yachiru shook her head. "You can't interfere; not now she's cut him and tasted his blood. If she hadn't done that, it might have been okay."

I was right. When would I start thinking instead of reacting?

"He's not a Berserker, not really." The girl's quavery voice provided no assurance. "Instead of killing quickly, he likes to prolong it and watch his prey die slowly. But he won't give up until the person's dead or he's given another challenge." There was the sound of a barely suppressed sob. "But she cut him and he won't stop until she's…" The pause made me aware that I was in over my head. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Don't kill her Ken-chan. Please don't kill her."

A single word flashed through my mind. After I repeated it silently a few times, which didn't help, I spoke briefly to Haineko. While I knew I was going to die, I didn't accept it, didn't want to acknowledge that of all the foolish moves I'd made I was preparing to sacrifice my life for a man I hated. Honour demanded too much but I couldn't stop what I had so foolishly commenced, except by fighting.

My love and pride had misled me. When was I going to make a good decision?

* * *

A.N.

Shorter chapter because the next one is already halfway completed.

Soundtrack

'Nobody's Listening' Linkin Park

'Fear' endorphin

'Wet Stupid' Santos

'Everybody's Fool' Evanescence

Um, er, thanks to those people who bother to review. It keeps me working on this.

Review. I like reviews.


	33. The Stranger

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, mostly._

**The Stranger**

I'd asked myself when I was going to stop making mistakes. Evidently not now. No, the decisions I was making were defective, almost as defective as the man my husband casually threw into the corner. I heard the crunch as his bones slammed into the wall and Kurotsuchi lay there, panting and unmoving. His face showed through where the paint had been wiped and the skin colour was pale, which became an unhealthy shade of white as his head thumped onto the floor. The captain appeared unconscious, but I did not doubt that he might fake that to work out to his favour. I could see his chest continue to rise and fall which indicated he was not yet dead.

"Watch him," Zaraki instructed Yachiru and Arai who scrambled to follow his orders. Yachiru looked like she wanted to say something, her appealing glance flitting from her captain to me. I raised my eyebrows, hoping she'd say something, but she sadly shook her head and looked down. Not a good omen.

I remained where I was wishing I could escape for a few minutes. Maybe hide in the bathroom and take my time pretending to wash while I escaped through the bathroom window, or down the drain, or discovered a way to walk through the walls. Or I could get Renji to fight him until they both saw sense again. Maybe invite in a couple of hundred Hollows to amuse him and work off his blood lust. I didn't want to fight him!

"Why fear him? He loves you, or so he's said. He's your husband isn't he?" Haineko purred through my mind, slowly stretching, her claws extended.

"He's a stranger. That man is not my husband," I said, lying to both of us.

"But he is. He's wearing the coat; he's got the bells and the eye patch. I think he's trying to work out if he wants to fight you or fuck you. Knowing him, he wants to do both at the same time. I think you'd enjoy that. Hot, angry, vicious sex with both of you moving urgently together," she said. "His hot hands holding you down, pushing you into positions as he savagely thrusts into you."

An erotic image of what she described pushed itself into my mind, forcing me to clear my throat and shut my eyes to try to gain some equilibrium. From fear to lust in one easy step. "I know he wants to fight me."

"Yeah? Where's he looking?"

I followed his gaze and could not mistake where his eyes were focused. "He's looking at blood, his blood."

"Which just happens to be on your boobs."

"I put it there. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I know it wasn't now." I replied.

Meanwhile, Zaraki taunted me.

"You seemed eager to defy me, woman. Now you look like you want to run. Let's see if you can even defend against an attack. Then I will teach you your role before I cut off your pretty head." My brain was still processing these words when I felt the breeze of his attack. I blinked and noticed that I'd moved without even thinking about it and had just missed being cut by the blade that was quivering centimetres from my shoulder.

The man laughed, the mocking sound rocketing through my head. "Dodged. Is that your strategy? Dodge attacks like you dodge other things."

"What else do I dodge, aside from paperwork," I wondered. "And why would he talk about paperwork?"

A quick movement warned me and I just managed to block his sword from slicing my hair. "I can take care of my hairstyle, Zaraki beloved," I said, trying to sound like I was casually teasing him. If I was honest, as soon as I became serious I feared I would lose as it would be his signal to also become serious. If he liked to toy with his prey, as Yachiru said, maybe he would like his prey to play along. So far he hadn't tried to cut me, not really.

But I had to be serious. I had to watch every movement he made, especially as he could move at speeds I normally had trouble seeing. "Feel." Haineko told me.

"Feel?" I felt all right: terrified and desperate.

"You know him. Feel what he will do next." The confident tone of the cat didn't help.

This was beyond comprehension. In my current state of mind I was having difficulty trying to work out what I was going to do next, let alone try to anticipate what Zaraki might do. As I shifted my weight slightly, I had an urge to move to the left which I did. I felt the sleeve of his shirt brush my face as he pulled back from his failed attack.

"Impulses, good," I muttered to no one. "I feel sorry for mice now."

"Trust your instincts. You're eyes will deceive you, especially if you try to work out what he will do through body language. Yes, you know how your husband moves, but he won't move like normal. Now his signals are meant to mislead you so you will leave yourself open to an attack."

This didn't sound like the lazy creature that occasionally woke up enough to train with me. Haineko never offered this type of advice. Confused, I demanded, "Who are you?"

"I'm Haineko, of course. Who else would I be?" The sultry purr sounded as normal, but the voice was more vibrant, alive. "And don't feel sorry for mice."

"No, you can't be Haineko. She's a lazy, selfish and rather silly spirit." Insulting the spirit of my zanpakuto was old news. If I'd thought about it I would have realised that it was an extremely stupid action, but I was worried concerning more things than the spirits feelings. And I'd done so many stupid things recently that if I'd had solutions handed to me with labels advising if they were sensible or not, I'd choose the dumb one each time.

"Lazy and selfish and silly. Just like my owner. But now you're trying to do something you've never done before. You're trying to prove yourself to someone you actually care about and you don't feel you need to hold back."

I gasped. This was ridiculous. "I never held back when I fought Gin!"

"You did. Every single time, because he got nasty if anyone, well if you, defeated him. He'd run off for days, remember? It became second nature for you to expect someone to save you because you were afraid of showing up Gin. He trained you so well that it spread to encompass your life. Now you have to defeat your 'saviour'."

I ducked and rolled. I knew Zaraki was moving fast but my eyes had adjusted to the speed and as I continued my internal argument with Haineko, he was continuing to fight me. I couldn't continue to do both. The escape from my husband's wicked cut that would have sliced off my arm was too close. He'd scraped the skin enough to leave a welt, but for some reason the blade had not cut me.

"I've got to concentrate on this fight, not discuss my previous fighting habits," I protested. "Help me."

"But you asked the question of who I am. If you were satisfied to be less than you were, why should I encourage you to try? Eating and sleeping are fun, fighting is hard work. Even when you were near death in the human world, you waited for help which you got from Toshiro."

"Are you a member of Kurotsuchi's fan club? I need help, now," I mentally screamed as I barely escaped the next blow. The attacks were still slow, but they were coming closer together. The prey, me, was getting closer to being dead.

"You haven't even tried to attack him, not once!"

"He's Kenpachi Zaraki. He's my husband and a Berserker, or something near it. He's something else. I don't want to make him angry!" Even as I offered the explanation it sounded foolish. Could a Berserker become even more enraged? He wanted to kill me and I was worried about upsetting him. Logic had left my mind and my body wanted to follow wherever it had vanished.

"We'll do this together," Haineko told me. There was no time to argue. I had to accept that something important had happened; a change that would affect my life for the next few minutes until I died. It might be overdue, but the help might assist me in prolonging my life for some precious seconds. If I distracted him enough I hoped one of the others would sneak up behind him and knock my husband unconscious. It didn't seem likely that they'd try or even if they did try that they would succeed.

"If you believe you cannot win, you have lost the fight before it commences."

Where had that come from? It sounded clever and reasonable and not like Haineko. "How can I win?"

"Can you try to convince yourself that you won't lose?"

That wasn't much easier. "No."

"That you won't die?"

There was a very faint possibility that might work. If Zaraki came to his senses and felt a surge of lust, I might survive. A couple of precious seconds were wasted while I considered stripping to distract him, but considering we weren't alone it seemed like it might be a fatal error, for all of us. "I won't die," I told Haineko.

I found I was standing, facing my husband with my blade held in both hands. Almost mockingly I raised it in a salute I had learnt in fencing classes at the Academy. I'd learnt Kendo and a number of other techniques, but fencing had appealed to me most of all. It wouldn't help me now, not in a death match, but I would need to watch my guard and seek openings. The only advantage I had was my Shika, but that didn't seem much. Zaraki had beaten Tosen's bankai with only his blade and his brain.

Mockingly, the smile set on his face my husband returned the salute and then pointed his sword downward as he observed me. "Want to fight me now, wife? Or are you going to run away again?"

The reminder made me flush. "Do you think I'd be standing here if I was going to run away?"

"Talking. Not reacting. Classic Matsumoto. Talk, and then run. Or run and refuse to talk. Anything to shit me." The smile he bestowed upon me was both mocking and contemptuous.

The impulse to hiss at him was nearly overwhelming and unexpected. Until now I hadn't known how much he despised me. Why had he married me, insisted on marrying me, if he didn't respect me? It seemed evident that he was revealing his true feelings, and they were unpalatable. After all the words of love he'd spoken, he'd still harboured these thoughts and it made me face the possibility he'd only married me because of the sex.

The pain fuelled my growing rage. Later I would mourn the ruined dreams and devastated hopes but now it made me stand straighter and return my husband's mocking smile. "You're doing your share of talking. I thought you were going to cut off my head."

"You haven't yet learned your role."

"Role or roll?" I asked desperately. "Would you like one?" Sex often distracted him. I didn't think it would now, but I had little else I could try.

"Are you offering food?"

What the hell was I saying? "No." My voice squeaked slightly. "I meant... Forget it."

As I spoke I lunged at him only to watch him leap backwards, the sneering smile on his face filling my vision. Then he was beside me, behind me, on my other side, slashing casually at me with his blade. I tried to move, but couldn't manage to escape all his attacks. He then stood in front of me cutting at me alternatively from each side, swapping the sword from hand to hand, laughing as I swayed, and trying to distance my body from the swinging blade. Backing away wasn't an option because he could move faster than I and would stop my escape before it really commenced.

"You're part of the life I never had," he muttered and then laughed loudly.

"What?" He lunged heavily to one side, telegraphing his action and I jumped to the side.

Slowly he lunged to the other side, his eyes lazily observing me as I again tried to avoid the slow stroke. I thought I would be moving faster but I couldn't seem to overcome an inertia I hadn't experienced before.

"Attack!' Haineko commanded.

I spun out from the next move. Again he lunged from the left and then the right, his blade straight and a smile on his face.

The swipe was marginally closer, millimetres closer to cutting me. "I don't think I can keep my promise," I said. Zaraki was holding back, enjoying the torment. That was another facet of the game he was playing, that I wasn't worth his full attention or his full skill.

"Promise? Which particular one was that, wife?"

"Not to you," but his words spurred me on and this time I ran at him, driving my blade at him, with little hope it would connect. It had worked when he was holding Kurotsuchi because the man had been his toy, but that position was now occupied by me. It would only be a matter of time before he tired and decided to break me.

Of course, I missed and he laughed snidely. "Pathetic. You're so fucking useless, except at fucking. How did you even become a lieutenant?"

That nettled me. Possibly I should make excuses because he was under the influence of an alternate personality I wasn't acquainted with, but the insults hurt. Again, I wondered what made him fall in love with me. The litany of questions again passed through my mind. Did he really love me? Why did he marry me? Was it only sex, because while it was good, it wasn't the best basis for a long term relationship.

Instead of answering I loosened my shirt a little more and flung my hair back over my shoulders as I tried to purse my lips attractively. Even as I prepared to take this action I hated it and the need that forced me to. "How do you think I became a lieutenant?"

I'd managed it the normal way: by studying at the Academy, being skilful and some occasional practice. Many times I'd been told I could improve my proficiency, if I was less lazy and more forthcoming I could rise even higher, but at that time I had been with Gin. Any attempt at improvement had met with coldness, derision and desertion. When I had finally been promoted to lieutenant, the indifference had increased. Did he believe that I challenged him by my abilities? Didn't he understand that my strength was his until he abandoned me? How did my abilities diminish him? I had examined the issue so many times and still had no proper answer.

A flash of rage passed over Zaraki's face. "You lied. You lied about your lovers! You screwed Yamamoto so he'd promote you."

A pang of guilt was countered by fear and forced me into denial. "I got my promotion because of ability. Nothing more," I claimed but the denial sounded inane even to my ears. No one would believe that feeble protest.

A flash of pain was visible in his eye and it seemed to break his concentration, but only briefly. "I warned you about lying to me."

"I'm not lying!" It would be only seconds now before I received the first cut. Judging from what I had observed and Yachiru had said I would die slowly, from many intersecting wounds that would cover my body. Options were severely limited. I could let him kill me slowly or incite him to kill me quickly. Of the two I preferred a speedy death. It would end the pain that I felt in my chest.

Retsu's voice interrupted. "Are you prepared to kill your child as well as your wife?"

The reminder made me stand still. Without faltering Zaraki's zanpakuto cut me, slicing into the flesh of my left arm, drawing blood, but stopping short of the muscle. I barely felt the pain, dazed by concern for my baby.

"What makes you think I'd want a child from this female? She's a weak, deceiving fool who believed Ichimaru. She let the old man use her so she could get a promotion." Zaraki had turned his head to answer Retsu but now his eyes were fixed on the blood flowing down my arm. "Look how easily I injured her."

I was staring at him, completely certain that this was an unfamiliar person. Was it possible to feel this level of hate for the man I was supposed to love? If I were not pregnant and fighting for my life my impulses would be to run away and cry for a few hours while exploring the delights of alcohol. Yet I was fighting the man who had married me, who had told me he loved me and who was the father of my child all because of some stupid notion.

Hurting and enraged by his words I wanted to strike back, to make him experience part of the pain he was inflicting with his words but now was not the time to talk. Again his blade came perilously close to my neck and I ducked. A blur of movement ceased and Retsu was standing in front of me.

"Stop this."

"Get out of the way or I'll kill you where you stand," Zaraki said in a matter of fact tone.

I blinked and Byakuya was next to Retsu, his blade drawn and his voice as icy as the grave. "Stop now, or fight me,"

I blinked again and in that millisecond I missed the lightning fast attack. Incredulously I watched as Captain Kuchiki fell to the floor, blood spreading beneath him.

All my experience with the man had indicated that he despised me and didn't think I was a worthy wife for Zaraki. Why had he done this? It couldn't be honour alone which had forced him to this action. I wanted to go to him and check his injuries, fearful that he might be dead or dying. I was not fast enough.

"Nii-san," Rukia cried and was there in an instant, cradling his head in his lap. She had paled even further and seemed unable to believe what was happening. Tears were already streaming down her face as she tried to staunch the wound.

Retsu and Isane were by his side immediately, tending to the gaping wound in his side. Ichigo pulled out his blade and seemed to be considering another attack on my husband.

"Don't get in my way again, Kuchiki. We can have our reckoning when I finish with the woman." Zaraki said. "And you, kid. Don't try it. You don't stand a chance." The last was to Ichigo who already seemed ready to fight.

I didn't want to see anyone I cared for hurt by this private battle but the interruption gave me an idea. Running for the door I managed to open it and escape into the hallway. The bellow of rage indicated that Zaraki had noticed and as I expected he was beside me before I could move any further.

"Don't follow," I warned the others. "I have to win this myself."

Yachiru nodded with understanding and tears standing in her eyes. "Good luck…" she tried to say, but faltered.

"Scared?" I'd expected the mockery from the man who wanted to kill me.

"I'm not running away," I said before he could form the accusation. His blade swung, aimed at my right arm. This time I slithered as sinuously as I could out of his reach, my destination firmly in mind. "I'm luring you to your doom."

"You never know when to shut up, do you?"

I shrugged knowing that my shirt would ease apart even further. It did, but it didn't cause the hoped for distraction. "I thought you'd want to cut my clothes off me before you started to cut the flesh. It would let you see the wounds so much easier," I explained. "But to do that, we need to be alone, don't we?"

We were now outside the bedroom we'd used before. I again avoided the teasing strike and sidled into the room.

"Why would I want that? I've seen your body before," he questioned as he followed me his blade held to one side preparing to take a serious strike at me.

"The problem is I didn't bring a replacement uniform, so I wanted to have the chance to strip." I ran my free hand over my body, loosening my shirt even further. "And if we're alone, no one can interfere, can they? You can fight them later."

Amazingly he nodded and locked the door behind him, ignoring the loud thumping that was coming from the other side. I heard Ichigo yelling and Yachiru trying to talk to him. If they would both go away I might have a chance.

I heard Renji faintly offering to kill Ichigo and the clash of steel indicated that the two hot heads were locked once more in combat. If only my battle was that uncomplicated.

"I hope this works," I told Haineko trying to hide my feeling of foreboding.

"What works? What are you talking about?" Her voice was more a yowl than a purr.

"Your suggestion. It seems the only choice I have now." Why did I need to explain? It was her strategy. I could not match Zaraki on abilities, but I could use other means to prevail if I wanted to live. This was taking a chance and the possibility of failure was great, but it seemed obvious I would fail anyway.

"I think I'd prefer to cut your clothes off you and watch the cloth stain with your blood," was the unwelcome reply.

The comment made me feel sick. Aizen had enjoyed keeping my stained uniform, had almost laughed at the blood stains and Zaraki's comment reminded me slightly of that horror. I tried to smile and said "But imagine how much more clearly you will see the blood against the skin. Red against white." I swallowed hard after I spoke, the images roused by the words too clear in my mind.

"You're crazy. Maybe getting pregnant at your age has taken its toll of your mind," Haineko told me.

"Yeah. Go on. I'll give you 30 seconds to strip," was the kind offer from the stranger who looked like my husband.

I hastened to remove my clothes, not attempting to emulate a strip-tease. I didn't have the time and I knew he didn't have the patience. He'd already demonstrated that he wasn't as susceptible in his current condition to my normal encouragement.

"Now, you," was me demand as soon as I was naked.

"What?"

"I'm still going to fight you. I want to see the wounds I inflict, see which part of you ends up with more scars," I lied desperately. His eyes roved my body with lecherous intent, but it was tinged with a cruelty that hurt me. For a second the red tinge in his eye dimmed as I stroked my stomach and his gaze was drawn there. Was it sex or the baby that had caused the change?

Some might accuse me of manipulating the situation. Of course I was. Who would not be prepared to use any tool at their disposal to save the life of their child? Stupid question. There are some people who wouldn't care, wouldn't spend a seconds thought, or any cash to protect and nurture their offspring, but I cared for my child even though it was not yet born. In a fight like this I would be a bigger fool than I'd already proven to be if I didn't use every advantage I had. Zaraki had the additional strength from whatever berserker like qualities he'd roused, plus his natural overwhelming reiatsu, physical strength, disregard for pain and speed.

I had…. I had…. What did I have? Speed and defence. A body he normally seemed to like and Haineko. With all that I had, how could I lose? I almost cried with despair at my bad mental joke.

"Come on husband. Get your clothes off and let's see how you move," I taunted him while twisting my hair between my fingers in a thoughtful way. "Unless you're scared or shamed."

Throwing back his head, he guffawed and then spat another mouthful of blood at my feet. A few drops landed on my legs, causing me to step back unconsciously. "Me scared, of a lieutenant, especially you?" Dropping his blade carelessly on the floor, a few quick motions removed his clothes but he retained his eye patch.

"I'll keep this on," he told me as he tapped it. "I won't need the extra power to defeat you. Once you admit defeat I'll treat you in the manner you deserve."

I pretended to pout but I had already observed he was aroused. Aroused but the urge for blood seemed stronger than the urge for sex. How was I going to turn this around? From past experience it was evident that subtlety would fail but would he ignore a verbal invitation.

"Would you like to fuck before you kill me?" I blurted out.

"No."

Trying to hide my reaction to this new rejection I smiled harder. My cheeks were aching.

"Time to get serious and fight. You've kept me waiting too long," he said and his blade was at my throat.

"Growl Haineko." The command was out of my mouth and the swirl of dust enveloped my husband giving me a few precious seconds to remove my throat from the close proximity of his blade. The thundering of my heart was so loud in my ears it hurt.

"That trick might work once," the voice told me from behind, "but not when you know what to expect."

Swinging around I felt the sting of the blade as it cut through the top layer of my skin, following my movement. The edges wept blood, but I attempted to appear unconcerned. "You've drawn your blood. Is that enough?" I kept my voice tart. Sweat was making the grip of my zanpakuto slippery, but it was essential I did not waver.

"Not nearly enough. Trying to get out of this now?"

He came at me again and as my blade met his I felt a surge of strength which barely kept his from bearing down on me and forcing me to the floor. Sliding to one side our swords groaned and screamed against each other as the metal slid down. This was impossible.

"We've got to try something else," Haineko told me, repeating the words that were already in my mind.

"What exactly?" I sounded desperate because I was. I tried to get out of the way of the next swing of the blade, but it cut me, still lightly but enough to draw blood. This time Zaraki ran his finger down the blade in a parody of my earlier challenge and then sucked the blood from his fingers. If I wasn't terrified I might have found the sight erotic.

"Second release?"

I aimed a feint at his penis. Not that I wanted to cut him there, but it might make him think of something other than trying to kill me, but he blocked the strike easily as his hand not employed with the blade slid meaningfully between my legs. The man was confusing me and I was more off balance than I'd ever been.

My voice was harsh and pained as I replied. "Why are you asking me? I don't know anything about second release. You made it damned hard to get to first release, as you know." Why was this happening now? Anything that happened now might not be enough and I could still end up dead.

"I'm just too bad. That was different. I wasn't fighting for our lives," she screeched. "I didn't think I was going to die."

"Memento Mori," I said abstractedly aloud. "Remember you too will die." How appropriate. I kept trying to ignore the inevitable nature of death and it kept forcing me to remember.

"Memento Mori," Zaraki repeated.

Then the world changed.

* * *

A.N.

Hell, damnation and crap. I'm swearing off fight scenes. Or maybe swearing at them? And then another cliff hanger. Maybe I should swear off the caffeine. It might be overexciting the synapses.

Thanks to Kashima for the 'Strawberry Gashes' suggestion.

For a change I will answer some questions that were asked. The beserker idea about Zaraki is not in the manga, or I haven't seen it explicitly stated. Currently I live somewhere in Eastern Australia. The next chapter will answer some questions that this one raises.

Soundtrack

'You and Whose Army?' Radiohead

The fight scene 'Setting Sun' Chemical Brothers (some of the lyrics are scrambled through the story).

'Strawberry Gashes' Jack Off Jill

'I Hate Everything about You' Three Days Grace

Yeah. Review. I like reviews.


	34. The Sleeper

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, mostly._

**The Sleeper**

What do you do when two simple words save your life, but you don't understand why? After saying the two words Zaraki stood there, motionless. The red colour in his eye drained away, but the eye remained unfocused, staring past me. His blade was halted in mid air, centimetres from my chest. If he had placed enough force behind the blow and I'd failed to dodge, I would be dead. It was a few moments before I could act, chilled as I was by the knowledge that he might have killed me.

"Zaraki." The name was barely a whisper as it emerged from a throat stiff with fear.

Not a flicker of response. I reached up and removed his eye patch to see if his other eye was still tinged with the colour of blood. It too was clear and staring past me. I put my hand under his nose and felt his breath warm against my skin. He was still alive but motionless. I touched his face but he didn't react. I called his name again, louder this time, but he didn't seem to hear me.

Panicking I tried to pull his zanpakuto from his grasp, but could not get him to release the handle. I tried harder but could not budge it even slightly and fearful of leaving the blade so close to my chest I decided to move it. Using a considerable amount of force I pushed his arm so that the blade was pointing at the floor and then I hugged him. Ignoring the blood leaking from our injuries I wrapped my arms around him, rubbing my body against his, resting my head against his chest, listening to his heart, babbling wildly as I tried to elicit some response. His body warmed mine and I felt his penis stir slightly but while he was there physically, his mind was elsewhere. What could I do? I kissed his chest, ran my hands over his back while he stood there, immobile.

"Beloved. Please," I said and then started shaking helplessly. The confusion and conflicting emotions were making my head ache. The sick feeling in my stomach along with the weight I felt in my chest made it difficult to breathe. I wanted to sit down but my legs refused to move and also threatened to cease holding me up. I didn't want to move from his warmth but holding him while he was so still scared me. The tremors increased.

"Get a grip," Haineko said.

The lack of sympathy in her voice and words took my mind off my fears and the shaking grew less.

"Feeling sorry for yourself won't help."

Now she was being deliberately insulting. "Are you suggesting I should be happy that my husband despises and hates me? Or that he's turned into statue? Those things are good are they?" The anger seemed to work. I managed to regain control over my limbs and breathed a sigh of relief.

A giggling purr heralded the reply. "He doesn't hate you."

"Were we involved in the same fight? Or did you wander out or take a nap while he was insulting me?" All the cruel words, the slights and his quick belief that I had slept with Yamamoto for my promotion were replaying constantly in my mind. Even though the cat was annoying me, her conversation at least provided some distraction from the pain those cycling thoughts produced. After being reassured that he loved me, I was once more prey to uncertainty that our marriage was built on little more than sexual desire.

"If he really hated you and wanted to kill you, you'd be dead."

Her logic was wrong. "He hates Kurotsuchi but he didn't kill him fast. And if that last blow had landed I doubt I'd still be breathing."

The silence that greeted my response didn't make me feel any better. "You would have dodged it. You know you would. He was killing the painted dolt faster than he tried to kill you?" The statement sounded exactly like a question that had no answer. "And what was with that dumb comment about Yamamoto. You didn't sleep with him to become a lieutenant."

I replied sadly, "I know that and you know that, but it seems my husband doesn't trust me. I told him the truth about the number of men I'd slept with but he wants to believe that I lied. Is it so hard to accept I've had fewer lovers than he has? And before you say anything about my reputation, we both know who started those rumours."

"No, I don't," Haineko said. "I asked but you wouldn't say."

Feeling shamed by being forced to disclose yet another portion of the lengths my foolish devotion had led me. "Gin and Aizen. Mainly Gin. At first it was to provide a reason for why he broke up with me and later from anger when Aizen told him those lies about us being lovers."

The stunned silence echoed through the room. I waited for Haineko to say something or for Zaraki to respond to me or anything to happen that would break the current torment I was feeling. If Zaraki would love me once more I'd do anything he wanted. If he would respond, smile or even mock me again instead of being an inert but attractive body that barely breathed in my embrace.

"Did he ever love you?"

I'd asked that question many times and then fearful of the answer I would think of something else. Now I knew I had to face the truth in a situation where I doubted the man I loved more than any other even cared about me. I had a talent for choosing badly. "I don't know if Gin ever loved me. And now I wonder if Zaraki did….does. I don't want to use the past tense."

"Why did you wait for that grinning bastard for so long? It makes me look bad being owned by someone who can't get over a man like that. Not your husband, I like him, but that other creep..." my spirit kept talking.

"I'd known Gin since we were children and we'd been through a lot together," I said.

"It was dumb and because I belong to you it makes me look dumb. At least you finally managed to get a husband. I thought you'd never hook one at your age," Haineko was once again leaving me in no doubt of her feelings. "Though I'm not sure about this baby thing. It might hurt and then you'll have to clean up after it. What are you going to do about that hunk you're hugging?"

"Thank you for your kind advice regarding my life," I said wishing once again that my cat could be lazy about speaking as she was in most other things. "I don't know what to do about Zaraki."

I began to rub him, scared that whatever was happening would affect his circulation. I rubbed his arms, his chest, his back and legs but he still remained inert. To make him more comfortable I tried tugging him over to the bed bur couldn't move his feet. I tried again pushing this time rather than pulling. My hair was heating up the back of my neck and irritably I lifted it.

"I can't move him, I can't get a reaction but he's still alive. Should I get Retsu? Maybe she will know what's wrong with him."

Haineko was silent. The silence made me wonder if it was a good idea to involve anyone else, especially if he awoke and was once more the violent stranger. My friend was probably still attending to the wounds that Zaraki had inflicted on Captain Kuchiki and from the sounds coming from beyond the door she might need to repair both Ichigo and Renji. The mess was already too great and I didn't want to make it any worse.

Giving up, I sat of the bed and stared at the naked body of my husband. It was rare to see him motionless except when he was sleeping but this was different. It was difficult. I wanted to be close to him, I loved him. Yet I was scared of him and for him. Should I bind him, have my zanpakuto at his throat when he became conscious so that I might possess at least one advantage?

I tried to remember a kido binding spell and the words sluggishly returned. Casting the spell now would be pointless. I'd have to wait until he came out of the trance or whatever it was the Zaraki was in. There was something that could cause this reaction, but it was so unlikely that I dismissed it. As the time dragged I was being forced to accept what might have happened. If my surmise was true it would mean big changes and I feared Zaraki's' reaction.

He had stated that he wanted to be stronger, but still the thing I was considering went against his beliefs and the way he ran his Division. If this did happen would it change the man I loved? Would it, in some measure control the part of his character that I had only found out about today?

As my thoughts wandered in ever decreasing circles a realisation made me sit up in shock. Yachiru had known about this side of him. Her knowledge was too detailed for her to know about it second hand, so she must have witnessed it. I'd known it and accepted it during the frightening confrontation in front of everyone, but it now struck me how this might have affected a young child.

Berserkers were normally unable to act rationally. Once roused they would fight until the enemy was dead or the berserker had died. There had been no reports of a person who could control or even summon the impulse at will. If it was possible to learn this technique a new type of Shinigami would be created, but a future that contained an army of these fighters was frightening. How many would manage to undergo the training without dying or going insane? And there were other costs. Zaraki might be able to manage it, but how many other people had his initiative?

Yachiru had experienced this hidden side of Zaraki. For some reason I believed that she was instrumental in his ability to summon it at will and maintain some measure of restraint over the blood lust, but he still did not have the facility to prevent it from taking over completely. She had said something that once he had chosen a target he could not be swayed unless certain things happened. My mouth went dry. Would our child inherit this curse? Then the other thought that followed immediately was how to protect my husband and child from Kurotsuchi. He'd already announced his intention of capturing Zaraki as a test subject for analysis. If he had the opportunity nothing would prevent him from doing the same to my child. My fear of the new Shinigami might become real. Would anyone here support the 12th Division Captain?

"I should have let you kill him, husband. Once again I made a mistake and I can't do anything to change it." My eyes were damp and I blinked rapidly. "I wish you'd told me but there was no occasion where it came up except when you bit me. You wouldn't tell me then because…," I knew why he hadn't told me but I didn't want to say it aloud. "Circumstances kept pulling us apart and we've had so little time together."

"Why do your eyes get wet so often? Can't you be more stoic and less weepy? Don't bother telling me its hormones. You made a mistake. Again." Haineko was not being very sympathetic. "So, fix it."

This was unbelievable. How could I fix something that was so wrong? Hunt down the 12th Division Captain and kill him? "And what do you suggest I do?" Anger was an antidote to tears.

"Wake up the hunky sleeper and work out a plan."

"That's your suggestion?"

"And you should wipe off all the blood. You don't want to set him off again. You'll have to open his mouth and get all the blood out of that too otherwise he'll want to kill you. Instead of sitting there acting like an elderly dripping tap you could do something."

The cat was becoming annoying, but her advice was sound. Looking around the room I tried to find some cloth aside from the sheets that could be used to wipe away the blood. I didn't want to be reduced to ripping up my clothes or the sheets for this. In the corner of the room I discovered cloth that seemed slightly familiar. As I bent to pick it up I recognised it and almost recoiled, but steeled myself to touch it. The last time I had seen it had been when I these hakama to gag Gin after he'd abducted me and I managed to escape. Using my ex-loser's hakama to fix this problem seemed fitting in an improbable way.

Did that mean I was in that room? I couldn't really recognise it because all my attention has been focused on Gin and not the decorations. If we were in that room, where were we in Hueco Mundo? Weren't we very close to the heart of the place? Why weren't the Arrancar attacking and trying to wrest this area back from us? There was something very odd about this, but I would think about it later. Now I had other things that needed my concentration.

Exerting my strength, I ripped the material and with the help of some water began cleaning the gashes on Zaraki's body. I noticed that the touch of the cool water caused his skin to gooseflesh which again reassured me that he was still alive. Moving rapidly over his body, denying my inclination to linger in some areas, I washed off all the blood I could find. I considered applying healing ointment before I attended to myself, but decided that if he did return to normal consciousness, the blood splattering my body might cause problems. Scrubbing at my skin, I winced as I encountered the slashes. Then I noticed that none of them were very deep and would heal, probably without leaving a visible scar. He'd had the opportunity to hurt me, but it seemed he had been pulling back. The cuts stung, that was true, but none of them were death wounds.

Not being content with that explanation my mind presented an alternative: a torture I'd once heard described as the death of a thousand cuts. If he'd been attempting that, counting the number I had, it would have taken hours. Which did I want to accept as true? That a tiny part of my husband had cared enough not to really hurt me; or he wanted to draw out my death to a torturous finish. Of course there were other alternatives which didn't seem relevant. I clung to the hope that one part of him still loved me and didn't want to kill me.

Time was passing and I still hadn't devised a method of opening his mouth to try to remove the blood. I certainly didn't want to use the hakama Gin had worn for that purpose. Instead I found a small towel that I moistened and then stood in front of Zaraki wondering how to make him open his mouth. Using my hands I tried to pry his jaw open, but it remained rigid and I began to despair.

'Tread on his foot," Haineko purred.

In desperation I tried, but nothing happened. I stomped on his foot again but there was no reaction. He wasn't feeling pain, he hadn't heard me when I called to him but he still seemed to retain one reaction. I reached down and began stroking his penis as I ran my tongue down his chest. For moments nothing happened, but then I noticed his breathing quicken slightly. Encouraged I knelt down and began sucking on him, drawing him into my mouth, waiting for the sigh I knew so well. If he sighed he'd open his mouth and I would have a chance to remove the blood traces.

He swelled larger and then I heard a groan, followed by the anticipated sigh. I was on my feet before the exhalation had finished and carefully swabbed his mouth as best as I could. Barely in time, I removed my fingers from his mouth before it closed. Backing away I looked at him and noticed that he was gradually focusing on me.

"Why did you stop sucking me? You know it means I have to fuck you here and now, don't you wife? Get on the bed immediately or I'll have you where you stand." The voice that emerged from my husband was rough with lust.

"Zaraki?" He sounded so normal. I backed away even further, worried that this was a trick and that me might still try to kill me.

His zanpakuto clattered to the ground as he advanced closer toward me. "If you have a thing about me sucking your fingers you only have to ask."

Sucking my fingers? Why would…. He must have felt my fingers in his mouth when I was trying to remove the blood. From the lust burning in his eyes and the heat of his hands as they encircled my waist I already knew the answer to the question I asked. "You don't want to kill me?"

His brow furrowed and he stared at me. "Kill you? No. Fuck you, yes. Why are you still standing up?"

What should I do? I wanted to find out what was happening but he had already placed me on the bed and was kissing me while one hand slid between my thighs.

Before we went any further I grabbed at his eye patch and removed it. Then I tried to keep my eyes open so I could notice any changes in the colour of his but it was proving difficult. His tongue was in my mouth and his fingers were drawing small intense circles on my clitoris.

"I thought you despised me," I panted when I finally managed to wrest my mouth from his.

His hand became still as he gazed down at me. "Why?"

Possibly this wasn't the best time to raise this matter but I couldn't have sex with him when I didn't know what he really felt. "You said some things after I stopped you killing Kurotsuchi."

As he released me and sat on the edge of the bed I knew I'd said the wrong thing. Even though I really wanted the sex I didn't want to find out afterward that he despised and hated me. That would have crushed me and I was through with allowing anyone to use me and then discard me as though I didn't matter.

His face became carefully blank. "Matsumoto, did I hurt you?" His eyes searched my face and then my body. With a tender finger he traced some of the slashes that still wept a little blood. I stiffened as I saw my cleaning had been in vain.

My tongue refused to move and I found I was holding my breath. If I managed to answer him, what should I say?

He looked down and obviously noticed the few injuries that I had given him. He looked at me again and his voice rough with emotion he demanded again, "Did I cut you? Was it me that marked your body? Tell me now."

Unwillingly I nodded. If I lied now he would find out later and that would only cause more problems.

"Is Kurotsuchi still alive?"

I nodded once more and his face became pale with rage. "You got between us, didn't you? You must have cut me when I was in the killing rage and challenged me. Did you?"

"Yes," the word was barely a whisper as my throat threatened to close completely. Anger, I hated anger and how it was used as a weapon in relationships.

"Fuck! You're a fool, Matsumoto. Why did you do it?" he yelled at me.

I had a choice. I could cry and beg forgiveness or I could yell back. Considering the feelings I had been experiencing anger was an easier emotion to summon and after all his earlier taunts I didn't want to appear weak this time.

I sat up and folded my arms feeling ridiculous trying to be dignified while naked. But he was naked too and it didn't seem to worry him. "Kurotsuchi is the traitor and I didn't want you to kill him before we could find out what he knows."

His face didn't alter. "That's the wrong answer. You don't give a shit about the man and I know he's the fucking traitor. Why did you do it?"

There were so many reasons I'd done it. Recalling the justifications I'd made I knew that there was one reason I hadn't wished to admit. Kurotsuchi made my skin crawl. He'd threatened Zaraki and me more than once, not overtly. He'd threatened my child in front of witnesses. Those were only some of the reasons I hated the man. "I want to be the one who kills the prick," I yelled back. "I don't want you to kill him. He's mixed up in this and probably helped in the abduction. You were upsetting Yachiru and she's already suffered enough."

A look of astonishment crossed his face. "You want to kill him? It wasn't some misplaced idea of honour to protect the bastard?"

How had he guessed? "That too," I admitted with shame. In hindsight the action was clearly that of an idiot and I was the idiot. In my heart I knew that I had hoped that my action would stop him, forcing him to revert to his normal self, but I had overestimated my influence, his love or the power of that other person he held within him. If that aspect of him had emerged when Tosen and Gin had tried to kill him there would have only been bloody gobbets remaining and the present crisis might not have occurred. Or at that time he might not have been able to summon it at will. One day when peace had again returned, I might ask him.

"Honour is a word used to justify stupid actions. Matsumoto, don't be foolish in future. There is no nobility in death." He ran a finger beside the slash on my waist. Some blood covered his finger and before he could do anything more I wiped the blood away. I didn't want him tasting it and then changing back into the monster.

"Why are we talking about that tosser? I did this, didn't I?"

It sounded like a question but it was a statement. Even so I nodded.

He gathered me in his arms and held me close, almost too tightly. "Fuck! Fuck this! I cut you."

I pressed my face into his chest, not wishing to move any distance from him. "I cut you too."

"Yeah, I noticed. Trying to prove something were you? Hold on a minute."

As he released me I complained. Ignoring my words he retrieved the wound ointment and slathered it over every cut and abrasion on my body and some places that weren't marked. "I won't say I'm sorry. That would be meaningless."

I hadn't expected an apology. That wasn't his way.

"If I believed in honour, I'd offer to release you from your wedding vows, but I don't. And there's no way you're getting away from me. If you try to leave me I'll stop you," he continued.

The flash of red in his eye drew my attention and I tensed, fearing the return of the stranger. "Never get between me and the person I'm fighting. Understand?"

"I won't," I promised immediately. I might make mistakes but I'd never make that one again.

With relief I noticed that the red faded. "I rather cut off my cock than hurt you, beloved. But I'd prefer not to hurt you and keep it so we can fuck."

He placed his finger under my chin and looking deep into my eyes he brought his face close to mine. "I love you," he said and kissed me.

Believing that this crisis was over I released some of the fevered grasp I had on my emotions and tears began to seep out of the corners of my eyes. Anger and tears. Fear and anger. Sorrow and joy. This day was providing a smorgasbord of emotion. I think Zaraki noticed I was crying but he continued to kiss me, letting me feel his need and love. The tears began to fall more freely as the insults he'd thrown at me played unceasingly through my mind. Had he meant any of them? Were they his true feelings which were covered by the veneer of love and lust?

"Why are you crying? Which person do you want me to slice for you?" Zaraki finally asked.

"Did you mean what you said?"

"Yeah, I love you."

I had to ask and if I left it any longer the words would fester and destroy too much. "Not that. What you said earlier."

Silence. Stillness.

"About how happy I am we're having a child?" The rough voice betrayed nothing as the long silence was broken.

"No."

"If you're going to ask a question, ask it. Don't make me guess." The edge to his tone indicated there might be a problem if I expected him to remember.

Taking a deep breath I told him. "You said you didn't want to have a child with me and I was pathetic and useless. That you wanted to drink my blood. You called me a weak deceiving fool and said you were going to cut my head off." The sobs caught in my throat as I said the final words. "And you didn't want to have sex with me."

Clearing his throat, Zaraki asked, "Are you sure that was me? I didn't want to screw you?"

Weeping helplessly I nodded. I was nodding far too much and it was making my head hurt. Wiping at the tears with the blood stained towel I was still holding I found it hard to focus on his face, but it seemed he was frowning.

Very slowly he began to explain. "Beloved, when I taste blood, especially my own, I change."

"I know that, now," I said impatiently.

"Yeah, you know that. When I return to normal I don't remember what I've said or done. I've had to rely on Yachiru to tell me, but she's not here."

He didn't remember? That was difficult to believe.

"Retsu explained that it's like another personality. I don't understand what she was going on about. Matsumoto, anything I said I didn't mean."

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that he loved me and wanted me, but our relationship had changed into something I'd never expected. Now I feared him more than I had previously. Yes, I still loved him, but could love and fear for the man exist without the love becoming some desperate emotion that was tainted by the conflict between the two feelings?

"I thought you hated me," the wail in my voice was embarrassing. I sounded desperate, needy and scared; probably because I was.

"No!"

The sudden close hug forced the breath out of my lungs. He was holding so close that I could feel his hot breath on the top of my head. While I wanted the demonstration of love it was hard to fill my lungs with the necessary air. Pulling away he felt the resistance and grasped me even closer.

"I need to breathe," I gasped.

He released his hold completely and sat at the head of the bed, leaning against the wall. Swiftly he held me and placed me in his lap. The large obstruction of his erection under me made me wriggle to get comfortable.

"You know what happens when you do that," he told me.

I smiled at him uncertain of the way my emotions were running. He was trying to tease me but smiling was hard.

"I love you, woman! What does it take to make you believe that?" His voice was a mixture of anger and indulgence. He kissed my cheek and then my eyes.

"You were trying to kill me," then I had to know the other question. "Why did you stop trying to kill me?"

Wrinkling his forehead he looked confused at my sudden query. "Did you want me to kill you?"

I shook my head hard. "No, but you stopped and I couldn't get your attention," I explained.

He laughed as his hand stroked my stomach tenderly. "You got my attention when you sucked me."

"I'd tried other things before that and you hardly blinked. What happened?"

The sullen look at encompassed his face and I knew I was once more treading on dangerous ground. "I don't want to talk about it."

After everything else that had happened I didn't think this was fair and if he was going to lose his temper if I asked now, he would later. Before I said anything I questioned whether I wanted another confrontation so close to the dreadful minutes I'd already lived through. I nestled close to him and kissed the cut that I'd inflicted on his chest while I ran my fingertips over his back, rubbing them in small circles.

The pleased sigh told me he was enjoying the touching. "You're going to ask again, aren't you? Hell Matsumoto; can't you let it alone?" His voice was a mixture of impatience and indulgence.

"Of course not. You were trying to kill me because of that other person… is it a Hollow like Ichigo's?"

"It's not a frigging sissy Hollow like the orange kid has. It's more powerful than that and we don't indulge in meaningless dialogues or internal fights," Zaraki sounded disgusted with my suggestion and I quickly kissed him to stop any anger that might result.

When I took my lips from his it was impossible for me not to notice that his erection had grown and was straining against me. "If you tell me I'll let you fuck me."

"Let me? More like beg me" The humour vanished from his face as soon as he said the words.

This time I let the silence stretch as long as he needed. Whatever had happened was important and in view of his other hard kept secret it seemed that anything that important needed to be shared so I didn't do something so devastatingly stupid in the future.

Zaraki's shoulders straightened even more and his arms held me close to him once more. This time I could breathe, but the position provided limited access to see his face. This wasn't going to be easy and I tensed awaiting his words.

"It's Memento Mori," he said.

* * *

A.N.

Soundtrack

'Speakerhumper' Hatiras

"Release the Pressure' Leftfield '

'Keep Hope Alive (J.D.S. Mix)' The Crystal Method

'Security' The Freestylers (simply because I keep listening to the thing all the time I was writing this chapter.)

The spin off that delves into the relationship between Kiyone and Byakuya (_Freedom Lost With Our Innocence_) is nearly complete, as is the next chapter of _Obsidian and Alabaster_.

Thanks to the people who take the time to review. I am still drinking too much coffee.


	35. The Other

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, mostly._

**The Other**

What was Memento Mori? Was it the other person inside him? Why did I think he was talking about something else?

"Your other self is called Memento Mori?"

Zaraki looked startled at my question, scratched his head and then said, "No. I don't know what he's called, or even if he has a name. Maybe he's a 'fragmented part of my personality', whatever the fuck that means."

This conversation was not making any sense and I wondered who had provided that assessment. My previous pleasure that he trusted me with the disclosure of his secret other, became slightly clouded, but the time to question that particular statement would be later. "I don't understand."

"You don't? What the hell are we talking about?" His voice was rough.

It was a very good question. "Aren't we talking about your other self? Isn't he called Memento Mori?" That was what I thought we were talking about.

"You asked me why I tried to stop killing you. I'm explaining." Zaraki's voice deepened and he looked serious.

I opened my mouth to ask another question but Zaraki continued before I could ask. From past experience I decided not to interrupt as it would only annoy him and take too long to find out the truth.

"I thought you understood that the other person in me was trying to kill you. You asked why I stopped," again the look of dissatisfaction settled on his face.

Instead of answering, I nodded. I had asked that question and then became distracted by asking if the berserker part of him was like a Hollow. Each question answered seemed to lead to further ideas I had not previously considered.

"Memento Mori stopped me."

It was becoming clearer and it seemed like my earlier idea was correct. I had considered it previously, but I wanted him to tell me directly. The main problem was Zaraki seemed very unwilling to explain further. It was easy to understand why, but this time I tried to encourage him to talk.

"Who, or what, is Memento Mori?" The question hung there, awaiting a response and I tried not to appear impatient.

Until now I had never seen my husband at a loss for words. Was it my imagination or did he seem embarrassed? Rather than press him, I waited. If he told me that would mean he trusted me. I needed to believe in that trust. If there was no trust between us, my love, all my feelings for this man were based on a deception. While I waited for him to respond my heart beat became erratic and my palms became damp. This situation was unusual. When he was as excited as he seemed to be, he was intent on screwing, not talking, but now it was as if we needed to work this out before we could indulge in pleasure. After the recent events I wanted to lose myself in him, but felt some reticence at the same time. It seemed the foundations of our marriage kept shifting and each new shift made me concerned about the outcome. Every day I was more determined that I would not be parted from him and then had to face yet another issue made me question how I felt about Zaraki.

"Memento Mori is the name of my zanpakuto." Finally he admitted what I'd already guessed. "When you said those words aloud and I repeated them, he spoke to me. He congratulated me on finally working out his name."

Zaraki fell silent and looked at the blade which was lying on the floor where he'd dropped it.

At first I could not take in the swooping elation I was experiencing. It was evident that my husband trusted me with the biggest secret he'd ever had. Bigger than the ligature marks around his neck and perhaps nearly as dangerous as the information about his Berserker side. It seemed so to me as I was the first person he'd told. The trust was there. The love was real.

Gripping tightly to the joy that threatened to make me laugh, I tried to imagine what he was feeling but couldn't. All the years he'd scoffed at people who used kido to enhance their fighting might now be at an end. He'd spoken disparagingly of Shinigami who relied too heavily on the spirit of their blade to get them out of trouble. Now he would become like the other Shinigami and I did not know how it would affect his fighting style or attitude. My joy began to ebb. I didn't want Zaraki to change and become like the other Shinigami. I admired his efforts to increase his physical strength and the way he relied solely on his own abilities rather than any outside help. I thought briefly of some of the Captains who seemed to despise swordplay and were more than happy to use their shika rather than simply fight.

It then struck me that I too was guilty of that. I strove to gain bankai, and often neglected the simple fighting techniques that were drummed into me during my time at the Academy. It had only been when I'd fought Captain Fong and Zaraki that I'd even employed those skills recently. Shame now replaced my joy. Underneath my love and adoration I'd had a small feeling of superiority over my husband as he didn't know the name of his zanpakuto. I'd known the name of mine for a long time and had become lazy and complacent simply through knowing a name. It was now evident that it was important to develop both ways. A Shinigami who was both a skilled fighter and adept at utilising the additional power from the zanpakuto would be an amazing opponent. Given time, my husband might become the most powerful Captain of the Gotei 13.

These thoughts raced through my mind while I attempted to think how I should reply to the revelation. He was watching me and I knew that my response could damn me or delight him. The spirit was a male, which was some small relief to me. I didn't want to compete with another female. That might be the best token response.

"The spirit is a male?" then I faltered. He'd already mentioned that it was a male.

"If you can call a fleshless skull a male," he replied.

My mouth dropped open. A skull? Did it have a body? "Only a skull?"

The glare I received made it obvious I had not been wise with my question. "I don't know. All I saw was a skull. It was dark." The information was unwillingly imparted.

I tried to switch the topic back to one he had mentioned. "Memento Mori stopped you from killing me?"

I could see that he relaxed slightly at that question, for a second, but immediately tensed again. "Yeah. He said if I killed you he'd never help me get stronger. He hates the other personality more than me. Then Memento Mori said he'd never have spoken to me if I hadn't married you."

He paused. "I think the bastard's in love with you." An ugly look crossed his face as he stared at the blade.

I knew that if I laughed it wouldn't help, but the suggestion he'd made was absurd. Had the zanpakuto arranged our marriage? Had he been instrumental in that encounter in the bathhouse? And would I desert my husband for a skull? Did he believe that? Could any person believe that? It seemed unlikely especially as I loved Zaraki so much.

"And I think Haineko has a crush on you," I said smoothly; half teasing, half serious.

"Leave me out of this," she said. "My crushes are mine and you shouldn't mention them."

I tried to placate her as I watched Zaraki. He seemed to think about my words and a small smile touched his lips. "She does, does she? Just like her owner."

"I don't have a crush on you. Well maybe I do. But is it a crush if I love you and you love me?" I had at least distracted him from his brooding.

That assumption was incorrect. Zaraki's face darkened once more. "Do zanpakuto spirits sit in the back of your head making comments all the time?"

If Memento Mori was providing a commentary, it would make it hard for him to adjust, but it was essential that I told my husband the truth. I didn't think he'd like it.

"It depends on the zanpakuto, or so I've been told. Some rarely speak. On the whole they talk if there's something important they have to say." That was true enough, for the most part.

Zaraki nodded and didn't answer. Feeling chilled by the conversation, I rested my head on his chest and his arms enfolded me. Warmth spread through me as we held each other. Even though I was still scared, I began to relax a little. Being held like this was another proof of his love. His lips touched my hair and I turned my face up to kiss him in return. It filled in the silence and I was becoming increasingly aroused by feeling his erection straining underneath me. We would have sex soon, I knew, but it was important that he had some time to work things through.

The kiss was sweet but without the normal urgency. I missed that.

"Now I know his name, what happens?"

I drew back and looked at him. I had never seen him uncertain like this about any of his skills. "You learn to trust each other."

Strangely I thought he was going to laugh. "Trust a skull who has the hots for my woman?"

When he put it like that it did sound funny. I permitted the smile to curl my mouth and looked deep into his eyes. "I can't say that fleshless skulls stir anything in me aside from fear. I prefer skulls with flesh and a long scar on one side of the face."

He tried to continue to look annoyed but his face relaxed as he smiled back. "I'm not into bestiality."

I fanned myself with one hand while I ran the other over his scar. The skin felt so different to the rest of his face, but in some ways I delighted in touching it. He wore the scar like a badge of honour and while I did not know it's origins I hoped one day he would tell me. "I'm so relieved. I was beginning to worry that you only married me for my zanpakuto."

He laughed. It was a good sound after the events that had taken place so recently. "Yeah. That's the only reason I married you."

I pretended to be affronted and crossed my arms. His eyes were immediately drawn to my breasts, which I had intended. As his gaze finally rose to my face he said, "Well, there were one or two other reasons. I'm beginning to remember."

"You'll have to remind me of the reasons I married you." I wanted him to make me forget all the difficult moments we had so recently experienced. But by merely uttering the words my attitude changed. For some reason it became vitally important that he told me the reasons that he loved me and had decided to marry me.

"Because I'm the best lay you've ever had," he stated and then smiled at me lecherously obviously pleased with the idea.

Shaking my head I replied, "That's true, but I'm sure it's more than that." I could tell him, but felt reluctant to say more.

The look her gave me was one I had not seen previously. Zaraki could not be looking uncertain. That was wrong.

"Why did you marry me, aside from the obvious?" he demanded before I could ask.

Biting my lip didn't help. After all the other emotional upheaval I wasn't sure if this would help, or cause further problems. I had failed abysmally when Toshiro asked me why I love Zaraki or how I knew I did. If I tried to explain to the man I loved it might be even worse and anything I said would be feeble and not encompass the many reasons I agreed to marry him. I tried to buy time. "Why did you marry me?" I countered.

His face assumed a set expression, one that meant he was going to prove stubborn. If I wanted an answer to my question it would be necessary to answer him first. Slowly the man was stripping me of all my secrets, all the foolish dreams I had and he was either fulfilling them or replacing them with something I had never hoped for. Telling him that would give him too much power, too much conceit.

Did I care? A future without him was unimaginable. Physically he was much stronger than me and had not overused that advantage. More often he had been gentle, firm or protective except for the notable occasions of our first encounter and when the berserker in him was roused. Still I hesitated.

"Matsumoto, it's an easy enough question to answer." He was becoming impatient. I had sat thinking about my answer and I knew he preferred to hear an answer quickly. The two answers I could give put me in a quandary. One was comprised of pride and honesty and the other was pure honesty.

"Because I love you," was the simple and truthful answer that I gave him. Pride won. The answer was honest, but not detailed. If he asked me why I loved him then I would have problems trying to find an answer than encompassed

"My answer's the same."

My jaw hurt as I unconsciously clenched my teeth together. He wouldn't even say it? He must have seen the tension that was radiating through my body.

"Why do you love me?"

I hadn't asked the question and now I was facing a problem. Should I answer him truthfully, or try to avoid answering the question.

"I don't know."

"You must," he persisted. "Is it the sex?"

I nodded and then shook my head. Sex was part of it, but not all.

"That's no answer. Is it the sex or not?"

"Partly, but much more," I answered and then tried once more to work out a way to express my feelings. "The sex is the best I've ever had."

"Yeah. It is," he said and his hands started touching my breasts.

If he became interested in having sex now, maybe I could avoid answering any more questions. It would mean I wouldn't receive the answers I wanted, but I didn't want to spend a lot of time analysing the feelings I had. There was a fear in the back of my mind that if I tried to put it into words and expressed everything that it would seem vapid and not very compelling which would make me question if love was what I felt, or just deep infatuation.

"What else?"

I should have guessed that he wanted to know more. I countered, hoping that he would become distracted by trying to answer my question. "You have to give me another reason before I say anything else."

"The sex," he said quickly and one of his hands slipped down between my thighs.

"Is that the only reason?" I felt a pang of disappointment that our marriage was formed on such a ephemeral basis.

"No." There was a trace of amusement in his voice.

"The baby?"

"Woman, I loved you before I knew there was a baby!" All humour had vanished as he spoke very loudly, but I noted that his hand had moved protectively over my stomach.

That was true, but he was still avoiding providing me with an answer. "Then why?"

"So there would be no one else, ever, for you or for me." The low growl in which the explanation was uttered was another reminder of his assertion of claiming me and our original agreement.

I found I was nodding. Other men were nothing to me now except friends and companions. I couldn't even contemplate kissing another man and if I did I knew it would be his death sentence.

I kissed his cheek and gazed into his eyes. "Thank you. Thank you for saying that beloved. I feel the same."

"And now you're having our baby. We're having sex now. My cock feels like it's about to explode and you've been wriggling about," he told me.

"Are you asking or telling?" Not that I would disagree either way.

"You going to say no?"

I quickly stretched out on the bed. "What do you think?"

"Do you always have to answer a question with a question? Shut up and kiss me and keep kissing me. I want to make Memento Mori jealous." He smiled at me, his eyes reflecting the smile on his face.

I giggled at his explanation and kissed him. The fire and the passion were there and the urgent lust.

"I want to take you fast, but it might hurt you," he said and slid down my body. "If I get you excited quickly then we'll both be happy."

Before I could reply he was between my legs, kissing my and then licking me, gently at first and then with increasing concentration. I couldn't help myself as I found I was pushing up, eager to feel the next stroke of his tongue. I had been excited before while sitting in his lap but now I was becoming increasingly desperate. I wanted to come, but I wanted to be joined to him at the time, feeling his penis plunge deeply within me. Part of my excitement came from watching pleasure affect his face and the sex became the whole focus of his mind.

"Zaraki, please. I'm ready for you," I tried to say but had difficulty speaking clearly.

"Yeah? Are you sure?"

"Yes," I screamed, trying to stop the orgasm that was building within me. "I'm begging."

"Good." Mere seconds passed before he was leaning over me, his penis entering me hard and fast.

"Oh," was all I could say. That and, "More."

He stared at my face as he continued to thrust into me and then abruptly stopped and withdrew.

"What?" I was shocked and slightly afraid. Had he suddenly become bored with me, or had he heard a noise that required urgent investigation.

"I liked it when you were sitting on my lap and wriggling," he answered. Pulling me up with him, he sat on the bed and asked, "Front or back?"

The suggestion of 'back' made me feel like vomiting but I was unsure how to answer the question. Too many events, too many words and too much fear in one day had made me question everything and while I loved and trusted him, there were certain lengths to which I was not prepared to go. Not wishing to go into detail I stated blandly, "Zaraki, I can't. Really."

He raised his eyebrows at me. "You don't want to have sex?"

I felt my skin flush as I looked away. I thought he might have understood after the explanation from Retsu regarding the rape and the other questions he had asked, but it seemed that further explanation was necessary. I swallowed hard and opened my lips, but he spoke first.

"Do you want to face me, or do you want me to be kissing your spine and stroking you while I plunge into here?" as his fingers slipped into where his penis had recently been.

I tried to laugh with relief but it warred with my embarrassment and disquiet. Would I have to tell him, or hope that the question never arose? Instead of a laugh I gurgled. The sound amused me and made me laugh, which I did, pleased when he joined in.

"No idea what you're laughing at wife, but this time I want you facing me. That way I can watch your face. Now, straddle me and start wriggling."

Again I laughed. Wriggle? Straddle? It sounded an odd way to describe what he wanted, but still giggling slightly I parted my knees and placed one on either side of his thighs. It almost reminded me of the time when we were in Soul Society in the inn. I slowly lowered myself, getting into position and then reached down and grasped Zaraki's penis. He inhaled slightly as I stroked him, instead of guiding him inside immediately.

"Can I trust him?" The question was my own and instinctively I obeyed the impulse that accompanied the question. Letting my hand slide down his length my hand encompassed his testicles, holding them tightly. Instead of remaining closed in pleasure, his eyes shot open and the look he gave me showed concern.

"Is there a problem, Matsumoto?"

His body tensed and he was preparing to act in response. I looked into his eyes but that tinge of red did not appear which eased my concerns.

Releasing the pressure slightly I shook my head. "I was checking your reaction," I explained. "I'm not planning on making love with you if that other person is going to emerge."

The taste of blood might arouse the 'berserker', but could I be sure that was the only trigger? Since the day Gin and the others had left, I'd found I was questioning many of my beliefs and the 'facts' people told me. Zaraki might have lived with this other self, but until now I had only briefly encountered him and could not be certain what awakened him. While I was desperate to have sex with my husband, a few of his actions were different to those I expected. A further interruption to sex and pleasure which involved another fight, argument or other problem was to be avoided.

Instead of laughing or losing his temper a stern look over came his face. "Trust is expected within a marriage. I told you he was subdued and I don't lie."

His voice said everything. I'd made another mistake in a long chain of them. When Toshiro had offered to explain tactics, I should have listened instead of having a nap, but perhaps military planning wouldn't apply to a relationship. My normal blundering didn't seem to work too well either. Good intentions led to bad results.

Suddenly I didn't feel like sex. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry, hoping that by the time I was ready to stop feeling sorry for myself, everything would be fixed. It had never happened before, but why couldn't it happen once?

Trying to distance myself from the mistake I quickly sat as far as I could from Zaraki and looked hopelessly at my hands. Reluctant to speak first, at the same time I wanted to try to make amends. He hated having his word doubted but there had to be some sort of leeway. He knew what was happening, at least more than I did, but being only recently made aware of this new information, I had trouble accepting that I was not under threat.

Within the last two hours we had fought and he had tried to kill me and I was terrified of experiencing a recurrence of events. In an effort to safeguard the sex, I'd taken matters too far and now Zaraki was unhappy with me.

Reflecting back on all the decisions I'd made that were wrong was depressing, but I did it anyway. To find examples of major errors, I didn't even have to think back very far. Following him here had been a mistake. Since arriving I had blundered around causing problems and hurting feelings. Renji was furious with Rukia, Zaraki and the 12th Division captain were greater enemies than ever before, Captain Kuchiki had been stabbed and....the rest of it didn't bear consideration.

"Forgive me. I'll do as you ask and return to the Seireitei," I whispered not daring to look at him. I would cause fewer problems if I left and as the silence continued after I made my offer, there was more chance I would out of Hueco Mundo in the next hour.

As my heart sank even lower I shut my eyes in an effort to prevent tears from forming in them. Then I felt my body moving through the air and I was once again straddling Zaraki who was holding me close and murmuring in my ear. Murmuring for him, so it was quite loud but the rumbling voice soothed me as did the words.

"Beloved but strange wife, you aren't going back. Not now. You're staying and our child is staying with me until this war is over so I can make certain you don't get into more trouble."

He thought I was causing trouble too. My shoulders sagged at the same time as my spirits.

"Matsumoto, stop thinking you made it happen. Not everything is your fault."

The startling words made me open my eyes and stare at my husband. How did he know? An indulgent smile curved his mouth.

"I'll forgive you if you think about fucking me. Now. Or don't you want to have sex?"

Being this close to him had made my thoughts stray once more to physical pleasure. His kiss made my body flare into life and I took advantage of the position I was in.

"Where were we?" I asked teasingly as I eased him slowly inside me. The lovely feeling of being stretched made me moan as I sank deeper onto him.

"That's better. You're finally learning your place." His lips slid down my neck to the base of my throat. "Wherever I want you to be."

Once he was fully inside I remembered his request and wriggled slightly.

"Again."

My body responded and we moved together but it seemed not enough for Zaraki.

In a matter of seconds I found I was once more on my back.

"It was a whim, but I think I prefer to take you hard right now. I wasn't fighting you, not me exactly, but it got me hot." He pulled my legs apart widely and then sheathed himself fully in me and then began to take me forcefully. The bed shuddered under his thrusts, as did I.

As soon as I opened my mouth to question why, I shut it immediately. I had to agree with him. I'd been fighting for my life, that was true and terrifying, but the watching the man move excited me. I'd had to block out fantasies, which he was now fulfilling.

"Can we finish this time, please?" I begged. Being taken so close and then being denied had frustrated me considerably and the tension wasn't going away unless he helped.

"Close are you?" he asked as he stopped.

"NO! Don't do that." I wailed. "I mean don't stop."

"You're sure?"

My hands went to his thighs and tried to urge him to move. "If you stop, I'll stop too," I threatened. As threats went it was weak, but there was little else I could use.

He didn't answer but began thrusting into me while his mouth crushed mine and his tongue caressed the insides of my mouth.

I arched against him and found I was coming, moaning loudly into his mouth. Trying to keep my eyes open to watch his face proved to be impossible but I felt his body tense also as he found his release.

After recovering my breath and vision I said, "Let's not fight again."

Zaraki gave a tired laugh. "Yeah, like that's going to happen. The makeup sex is too good to miss."

My effort to reply was thwarted as exhaustion swept over me and I fell asleep.

* * *

A.N.

Family, Christmas, travel and summer. Travel, summer, family and Christmas. Whatever. Time consuming.

Soundtrack

'Superpredators' Massive Attack (as always)

'Any Other Name' Thomas Newman

'This Close' Flyleaf

'Love and Pain' Lucifer

The Byakuya/Kiyone one-shot is posted under the title: 'Freedom Lost with Our Innocence'.

Review. They sometimes amuse.


	36. The Dream

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**The Dream**

I was dreaming, the best dream I'd ever had. Some unknown man had his hands all over me, groping me. Well it didn't feel like the groping I was used to. He was touching me, I suppose, feeling me up in all the places that liked those touches, and it felt good. The man didn't seem to expect me to do anything except let him touch me so I lay back and enjoyed it. Too soon, or not soon enough, he manoeuvred himself between my spread thighs and with one quick, fast push entered me. In my dream I bit down on my lip to stop my tongue from demanding he take me hard. I was scared the sound of my voice would wake me and I wanted this to continue. My dream lover was taking me rhythmically, thrusting into me, over and over again as I moved my hips to meet his thrusts. His cock was hard and long and moved into me slickly, opening me to him further. He didn't try to kiss me and I couldn't make out what his face looked like, but that wasn't important. It was a dream and I could imagine what ever I liked because it was my fantasy. I didn't know sex could be like this, urgent, demanding and so hot. I could feel how thick his cock was as it kept pushing into me, stretching my cunt more than Gin ever did, while this man's hands were touching me finding all those parts which ached for attention. I was so close to climaxing. Closer than I'd ever been when I'd made love with Gin.

Then I woke up. That was typical. I was having a dream like no other, finally getting close to have an orgasm during sex, even if it was dream sex, and then I woke up, hot, randy as hell and no Gin to help. As usual I'd have to take matters into my own hands as I often did after sex. It could have been that we were both sort of new to this sex thing, that we were still learning how to do it the best way because I didn't come when Gin fucked me. All I knew was I was aching with need and had to find some relief. I had never felt this much desire for anyone before and I didn't even know who the guy was or what he looked like.

As I woke more, I felt the heat of another body pressed against mine. No, I was pressed against someone, my head lying on his chest and his arm around my waist. I knew it was a man as I couldn't feel any boobs and I didn't fancy women anyway. Maybe it was Gin, maybe all this arousal would be of some use. If we fucked now I was pretty sure I'd come and that would make him happier, or at least stop his occasional taunts about my performance in bed. I was scared he'd accuse me of being frigid and dump me, keen to find someone who could come on request, or who could fake it better than me.

Opening my eyes I was disappointed and a bit worried. Looking at the broad, heavily muscled chest it was obvious the guy wasn't Gin; it was some man I'd never seen before. He was naked, I was naked. Obviously I was here willingly because I wasn't tied up or anything. I glanced briefly at his face wondering who the hell I was sleeping with but his face wasn't familiar. He was an unattractive looking brute; a really big guy, with a hairstyle that almost made me laugh, but the severe expression and scar running down his face made me wary as did the red welt around his neck. Lots of scars littered his body, evidence that this guy was a fighter; not my type at all. He seemed to have some very fresh wounds as well and I wondered who he'd fought. Remembering my dream and still feeling randy I decided I may as well take advantage of the situation. As long as I was here and he was asleep, I may as well check out his equipment. Maybe he was tiny to compensate for how big he was and my eyes went immediately to his groin.

There was no way I could keep the gasp escaping from my mouth. For a moment I wondered if someone had sawn off a thick table leg and placed it there as a joke. The cock I saw was abnormally large and semi hard with a pair of tight sacs underneath. Large veins pulsed under the surface of the penis, and without thinking about it, my hand encircled the shaft, checking it was flesh, not wood. I felt it grow to full erection under my fingers. I didn't know cocks could be this large. Gin assured me that he was average, but if he was average then this guy was a monster. Damned large monster, with a monstrous cock. I noticed how good it felt against my palm and fingers and I kept stroking it as I considered what I was going to do.

The ache I'd been feeling inside me grew only stronger as unconsciously my fingers massaged the very thick base, marvelling at the size. I wanted it. That bloody dream had made me too excited to wait for Gin and after seeing this thing, my hand and fingers seemed like a very poor substitute. So did Gin's dick.

Yes, I loved Gin, but he'd walked away from me again after a disagreement about something stupid. I think it was I'd asked whether he was seeing someone else. It wasn't as if I cared, well, I tried not to care. I tried so hard that I found I was caring more and more and it hurt. I accused, he grinned at me and refused to answer. I asked again and he turned away. This time I'd told him he didn't need to come back, that I'd find someone to take care of me. He'd just shrugged and continued to walk away, not turning around, just waving his fingers casually over his shoulder. He knew I'd be waiting, no matter how many days he was gone. I always waited, until this time, apparently.

The man in the bed still seemed asleep. I didn't care. I was so horny it was either masturbate or mount this guy and looking at the giant cock, it was an easy choice. He obviously liked young flesh, otherwise he wouldn't be with me, but that didn't worry me much. Looking down, I noticed my body looked weird. My boobs were much bigger than I remembered, and I was really curvy. I was more used to the slim flanks and smaller tits and belly, but that wasn't important. Nor were the healing slashes I saw on my body, though normally that would have scared me. I'd think about those problems later. There were bite marks on my boobs and other places and I saw a number of bites and suction marks all over the guy, some on his thighs and stomach as well as the injuries I'd noticed earlier. I wondered if I was responsible for them because I never left these types of marks on Gin. He didn't like to be marked. That was one of the reasons I suspected there was someone else, plus the fact that he could stay absent for days on end.

I was going to fuck the guy who was here. If he woke up and grumbled, I'd smother him with the boobs until he stopped complaining. That would make the bloody things useful and he might enjoy it. I straddled him quickly, not even wondering if we would fit together. I just wanted sex, with him, with anyone.

Taking his cock in my hand I eased the head between the lips of my pussy and pushed down on him slightly. I'd just use the head to get my pleasure; it was all I'd need. The top began to enter me and encouraged by how good it felt I slid down further. It felt better the more of him that inched inside me so I kept sliding until the whole massive length of him was lodged within me. I looked down to make sure and saw my blonde pubic hair mingling with his dark thatch. He was fully inside me and it hadn't hurt. It made me pretty certain we'd had sex together and I wished I could remember.

"Fuck that feels good," I said, not meaning to speak aloud and having trouble believing I could handle something that size.

"Then why are you just sitting there?" a deep, husky voice asked.

I jumped slightly which caused the cock to slide in and out of me slightly. "Hell; he's awake. I don't want to talk to this guy; I just want to fuck him until I come. That's all I want." I thought, but it was too late for that. The wise move would be to climb off and leave.

"You can do better than that," the voice told me. Slyly my eyes travelled up the deep chest to look at the face of the man. Now his eyes were open, he looked less severe and the big grin he wore made him look, well not handsome, but less brutish. His large hands grabbed my hips and encouraged me to keep moving on him. It crossed my mind to excuse myself and try to leave but it felt to good and I didn't want to. Instead, I let my head fall back as I felt my body rise and fall on his cock, my excitement almost overwhelming me but I seemed to be just missing something. Feeling him plunge into my inner walls, filling me, made me want to continue riding him for as long as it took. My hands moved up and began to play with my nipples, wanting the extra excitement and I groaned loudly as I got more excited but I felt a tingle of nervousness about coming in front of a stranger and couldn't give myself over to the sensations. The sound that escaped me was a mixture of pleasure and frustration.

"You really need this, don't you," he said thoughtfully. One of his hands moved from my hips to between my legs and his fingers found my clit without difficulty or the embarrassing, mumbled instructions I had tried to give Gin. I stiffened under his fingers but he didn't stop stroking me. Then I didn't want him to stop, it was too late for him to stop.

I felt my pussy convulse around him, clutching at his cock as his fingers continued to stroke me. "Oh, God! God! God! God!" I heard my voice screaming as I shuddered with completion. I tried to stay steady and though I wanted to collapse on his chest, I didn't think that was the right thing to do. Remaining still as the shudders wracked my body I knew I wanted this again, I wanted him again. After the climax had finished, I gulped slightly, shook my hair back over my shoulders and clambered off him reluctantly. I'd made a bargain with myself. I'd come and then I'd leave and try to forget that I'd betrayed Gin. I didn't owe this guy anything except a mumbled thanks for the orgasm.

It was a shame as I'd like to see what it was like to be under a man like this as he screwed me, taking me with wild force as I urged him on, his body above mine and his hands moving me into the positions he wanted and his hard chest pressing down on me.

"Where do you think you're going now? You've come, but I'm still rock hard and damned horny. I thought you'd want to come again. Don't you?" As he spoke he grabbed me around the waist and pinned me down onto the bed. "Don't you want part of what you paid for?"

The last sentence made me freeze. Paid for? Was this guy some male prostitute? With his looks it was doubtful, but his cock more than made up for his appearance as did his technique. If I'd paid him that must mean I was pretty desperate and I wondered where I had got the money. Gin and I never had money. Why would I pay for sex? I should be getting paid. And he thought he'd make me come again? Twice? It hadn't happened before. Once was all I'd hoping for.

Those words made everything different. If I'd paid him, I'd make him work for it. "Put your mouth on these babies and let them know you like them," I instructed him, drawing his face to my tits. Immediately his mouth grabbed onto a nub, sucking it with lust and the promise of sex. I felt my pussy get wetter from his attentions and began to believe that this guy must make a good living if he sold his sexual services. Now I didn't give a fuck how he looked, I wanted him again. His hands were busy as he sucked at my tit, roaming over my body.

"Eat me," I ordered. May as well try his talents out there. He obediently slid between my legs. Gin had never wanted to do this for me when we were together. It was fine if I sucked him, he asked that I do it often insisting I swallow, but when I asked him to return the favour, he made a face and told me that he wasn't interested; he'd try it later; he had a blister on his tongue or he preferred me to suck him or some other excuse.

This guy went for it and I felt his tongue licking the entrance and then driving in. Then his mouth sought and found my clit as he eased two fingers into my cunt. A few minutes of this and I'd be coming in his face and he seemed to know that. A few more licks and he stopped.

"Enough of that," he said moving between my legs and pulling them around his waist. "You've come and I want to."

He pushed into me and I felt like kissing him in gratitude at how good it felt, but I wouldn't kiss him. I'd let him fuck me any way he wanted, but I'd keep my mouth for Gin, if he ever returned. The man lowered his face to kiss me, so I turned my face and he ended up kissing my cheek.

"Scared I'll excite you too much?" he muttered in my ear. "I know other ways to wind you up." Rhythmically he began to take me as his tongue trailed down my neck. I liked it, a lot. I liked the feeling of his tongue and mouth on my neck as he shoved his cock into me. I was responding eagerly, meeting each thrust with my own. It seemed familiar somehow. I thought I remembered this steady hard rhythm and the excitement. It was becoming increasingly difficult to think but suddenly I remembered. This was the guy I'd been dreaming about, the one who had been humping me almost to orgasm. I wanted to pull away but that hard body above me, the cock stretching me, his hands on my thighs; no, there was no way I would stop him.

"Speed it up," I ordered him. I was getting so close and feeling the heat pouring over my body I didn't want to wait.

He laughed as he increased his pace and angled his thrusts to go deeper inside. I'd have to get money so I could pay him to do this often. I wondered how much he cost, but those thoughts dissolved as my lust rose higher. I didn't need him to touch my clit this time. It was like my body had worked out how to come without the extra handling. I yelled as I came, my eyes squeezed tight as my arms reached around and hugged the man tightly. If he cared, too bad. He could always charge me extra. I felt him stiffen above me and he bellowed my name as he came.

He stayed inside me and rolled onto his side taking me with him, holding me close as our breathing slowed and my senses recovered. Drowsily I kissed his shoulder, smoothing my face against the warm skin and then my eyes snapped open as I realised what I'd done. I'd kissed him, he come inside me, I hadn't taken any precautions and he'd yelled my name as he came. What was going on? I could have gotten pregnant from this and I couldn't see Gin hanging around to take care of another man's kid. If he was a sex worker, this guy wouldn't want to have a baby with a client. I'd kissed the man too, even if it was only his shoulder. I'd kissed him even after the mental promise I'd made. He must be a pretty talented guy if he could remember his tricks' name when he came. The last thought was stupid, but my thoughts were not making much sense. I had to get out of there. I had to find a way of stopping any pregnancy from taking, not that there was much hope. I pushed the arms away and got off the bed, ready to dress.

Looking for my clothes, I couldn't find any. I found his clothes though, the black uniform of the Shinigami and a white coat. A white coat? Only Captains wore white coats and why would a Shinigami Captain become a male prostitute. I couldn't work this out. It had to be a costume but no one wore that type of costume because it would be dangerous. Then I looked around the room and couldn't recognise anything about it. I shivered as I noticed the chill in the air that hadn't been apparent when I was close to him. It didn't feel or smell like Soul Society. Where was I? Nothing had made sense since I woke up. I slumped onto the bed wondering what the hell was going on and what I could do. The only clothes I could see were for Shinigami and while Gin and I had idly spoken about joining the Academy, we'd done nothing about it. Two sets of clothes. Was one mine?

The man's large hands encircled me, holding my breasts as he moved close pressing his body against my back. "What's the problem this time, Matsumoto? Are you hungry again? I'll let you eat something, but then I'll eat you again." He kissed my neck and then my back. I became rigid under his touch. How did he know I was hungry?

"Um, look. That was great, the best I've had, really. You're a great, ur, lover, but I think I should go. If I'm pregnant I'll get rid of the kid, so don't worry that you have to support it, or me," I said. I tried to remove his hands but they now seemed to be made of steel and he became very still.

"Who am I?" he asked. I stopped my struggle to get free when he asked that question.

Why was he asking me? He should know who he was unless he'd lost his memory. But if he'd lost his memory, how would he know my name? And why did he call me Matsumoto? Most people called me Ran or Rangiku, but mostly 'get back here you little witch' when I'd taken something from their shops without paying.

"You're a Captain, one of the Gotei 13, Mister Captain," I told him. If I humoured him he might not turn dangerous. I didn't think he'd like it if I asked if he was a prostitute.

"What's my name?"

I shrugged, my back still turned to him. How would I know? I'd never seen him before.

His hands turned me to face him, forcing my body to twist around and he looked at my face intently, trying to see some sign of recognition. My eyes strayed to his mouth and I wanted to kiss him, feel those pursed lips on mine as he took me again. It hurt to be twisted that way, so I turned around fully, sitting opposite him with my legs folded neatly. There was no point in modesty; he'd seen it all anyway.

"Damn. Fuck. Shit. Frigging Hell. You've forgotten again. Why do you keep forgetting? How old are you?" he demanded, his voice harsh in my ears, his hands on my waist, restricting my movement.

"I don't know? 15 or 16. Why's it important? I won't tell anyone you fucked me because I really enjoyed it," I told him as I tried again to remove his hands. "Don't worry. You won't get in trouble. I wasn't a virgin or anything."

"Are you a Shinigami?" he asked, his voice discordant in my ears. His hands dropped from me, freeing me and for a second I missed those warm hands holding me.

The question could only get one reaction. I laughed. "Me? You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not." The man looked at me and I saw that he was sad, so sad. I hadn't said anything to make him sad so I sat there and looked at him. Without meaning it to, my hand reached out and stroked his cheek.

"It's okay. I told you I'll leave and you won't have to see me again. You don't have to worry," but even as I said the words a lead weight seemed to settle in my chest. I wanted to see him again. I wanted to be held within his arms and stay with him.

"Not going to happen. Matsumoto, close your eyes," he told me.

That was a very strange request. "Why?"

"Just do this and then you can leave. Close your eyes for a few minutes and then decide." The sadness in his face was reflected in his voice. He made no move to touch me and I wished he would. I wanted to fuck him again, that was all.

"Only if you kiss me." Where had those words come from? Who was controlling my words, my thoughts, my body?

A strangely hopeful look crossed his face and he bent his head and touched my lips with his, just a gentle touch of his mouth on mine. It wasn't enough. I linked my arms around his neck, intent on making the kiss something else but he took his lips from mine.

"Now close your eyes," he instructed me.

I decided to say something that was stupid. So dumb that the thought made me breathless but I had to say it. "Look, whoever you are. I think, given time, I could like you; really like you."

There was a pause and he asked heavily, "More than Ichimaru?"

A shock ran through my body. He knew about Gin and had fucked me anyway? What else had I told him? I must have spilled my guts about my life and he remembered it. What could I tell him? My instinct was telling me to trust this man, despite my mind screaming at me to get away, appearances didn't deceive. The guy looked like a cold blooded killer and I should react to that.

"I don't know." How could I tell how I would feel about him in a possible future? "Kiss me again, Mister. Maybe that will tell me."

"No. Not yet. Close your eyes, please." The 'please' sounded like a word he didn't use very often.

Obediently I shut my eyes. I felt him leave the bed and a rustling and clicking sound from the direction the clothes were. I heard some noises I couldn't identify and a hand grabbed my arm and I felt the prick of a sharp object in my skin. My eyes started open and I saw the man removing a needle from my arm.

"What? Are you a drug pusher?"

He carefully replaced the equipment in a box and then moved close to me. I backed away, sliding across the bed as far from him as I could, but he pulled me close to him, cradling me in his arms, kissing my cheek, my ear, my eyes as one hand spread protectively over my stomach.

"You'll remember soon, Matsumoto. You'll remember that you are a Shinigami. You are also my wife, you are pregnant with our child and you love me. You have told me that you love me more than Ichimaru, more than anything. This is the 3rd time you've forgotten me and you've gone back earlier each time. Don't forget me again, wife."

He fastened his lips to mine, crushing them beneath his before I had a chance to react, my body squashed against his. I didn't resist. My blood was singing in my ears with lust and need. No matter what happened I didn't care anymore. The urges of my body had taken over my brain and I wanted this man. His words struck a chord in me and I half believed that we were married and I had a new life growing within me. I wanted it to be true, that I loved this brutish man and was a Shinigami.

"My name is Kenpachi Zaraki. You call me Zaraki, darling and beloved and sometimes you call me Captain when you're irritating me. You followed me here because you couldn't survive without the sex. You did something for me in the Seireitei. Something that was important and I need to pay you back for that." I could feel the reluctance as he pulled his lips from mine, but it seemed he could sense something happening.

As intense pain invaded my body and brain, I screamed. The man was trying to kill me and I was dying in agony. He held me closely as I thrashed in his arms, and he talked to me. The words poured over me but I couldn't hear them because the pain drowned out everything else. Pain brought memory and suddenly I remembered everything. Not in bits and pieces, but all at once, not like the last two times.

"Zaraki," I said, unable to hide the hurting in my voice. "Zaraki, I remember. Kiss me, or I'll have to kiss you."

As my lips met his I grabbed his hands and dragged him to my breasts. I may as well enjoy everything I could. He kissed me deeply and I didn't want him to stop. The kiss was soothing away the pain, but he pulled his mouth from mine.

"Beloved. Talk to me. Prove you remember," his dark eyes were fixed on mine.

What could I say to convince him? I searched my mind and suddenly knew there was something only he had ever said to me. "Don't die and don't fuck anyone else."

His face broke into a smile and then he laughed. "Matsumoto. My beloved wife. Want to fuck?"

I nodded enthusiastically. Have sex with Zaraki? If we had time I would fuck him for days, weeks, years. The lust I felt for this man only grew stronger the longer I knew him.

"Before we do; one thing. You didn't remember me, but you wanted me, you fucked me like there was no choice when you didn't even know me. Why?"

"I dreamt about fucking you but I didn't come in my sleep and I couldn't see your face. And remember, I woke up and saw your cock. Just seeing it got me wet. I didn't know you, but something about you made me want you. I wanted you nearly as much as I want you now. I love you."

When I had a chance, I'd try to work it out. Work out why even when I didn't remember him I seemed to fall in love/lust with him. Even at the supposed height of my love for Gin, Zaraki had become more important within such a short time. But it could be that even though the memories were suppressed, the emotions were not and they bled through anything I had believed at the time. The drug may have affected my memory but could not touch my emotions and thus my feelings for Zaraki were still there, but disguised or shaped by what I could remember.

As I cast my mind back I couldn't remember having such an intense pull toward him when I had first seen him. Then I had felt a slight tug of attraction as I had when I'd met a few men. My interest in Zaraki had grown with the overheard whispered conversations about the size of his penis and my observation of the man, but none of it was like the overwhelming passion that had run through my body during the last memory loss. I was pretty certain that if I had woken up in bed with him at the age I thought I'd been, I would have run away, very fast. I had been nervous about sex at that time, trying to appear confident but convinced I was a failure. The size of his penis would have terrified me, not make me lust for the man who possessed it. But the girl I had been had faded so long ago, disappearing gradually through the combined effects of hopeless longing, responsibilities and acceptance of what I could not change. The girl I had been was a stranger to me now.

I wanted to ask Retsu how could a drug could suppress memory but have little to no effect on emotions. It was imperative that I tell her about this last memory loss. A further loss could mean I thought I was a child and knowing what might happen if I was close to Zaraki made me feel slightly ill. I would have sex with him, believing my age to be younger than the age of consent and that thought made me feel very uncomfortable.

"Better feed you before I fuck you," he murmured going to my supplies and rummaging within. "I could do with some too. I suppose you didn't pack a steak in the bag?"

Smiling at him, I replied, "I'm not in the habit of carrying raw meat, beloved husband. I was trying to pack high energy food."

"Before I feed you, I want to put something on those gashes. Don't want you ending up with scars like me," he said, balm in hand. He'd obviously found it while looking for food.

I shrugged. If he wanted to, it didn't matter. A few minutes passed very pleasantly as we rubbed the balm into each other's wounds but I was too hungry to concentrate for long.

"While this if fun, Zaraki, I need some food. Feed me," I said looking into his face pleadingly.

"Food. What an appetite," he said and then grinned at me, meaningfully as he went and pulled out a large bag of dried fruit and the rest of the nuts.

Returning to the bed he sat me between his legs, making me lie horizontal over his thighs and he placed the dried fruit on my stomach. On occasions when he reached for a piece of fruit his fingers 'accidentally' ended up between my legs, or stroking my stomach or grazing my nipples. I ate abstractedly, wondering how far back my memory loss could go. It had to be stopped soon as it was beginning to worry me more each time.

"You're eating very fast. Are you being greedy, or are you really that hungry?"

Looking down I noticed there were only two pieces of fruit left. Shrugging I said, "You can have those. I'll eat some nuts."

"Here," he said and poured half the nuts into my cupped hand. "Insatiable woman. You've eaten most of the fruit, so I get half the nuts."

"I'm pregnant and have to keep up my strength, especially if you want to have sex again," I told him and began chewing the nuts. He wanted to screw, that much was obvious. I could feel his penis hard against my back.

Then I remembered something and sat up. "We've got to go back and check on Captain Kuchiki!"

"What? Why?"

Of course Zaraki didn't remember. The other self had taken over when he'd stabbed the man. "He got in your way and..."

"I fought him and won?" There was a smile on his face and an air of strange pride that accompanied those words. Moving me gently he rose from the bed and walked over to the basin to get a drink of water.

I shook my head. "I didn't even see it happen, but you stabbed him. Retsu started healing him but the wound looked bad." Bad enough to make me question if he was dead. While Retsu was the most talented healer I'd met, a wound that deep would require something out of the ordinary to repair.

"You didn't see me move?" The pride was still there. I knew that Zaraki was fast but he had never tried to shunpo.

Deciding to stroke his ego a little, my words were carefully chosen. "The speed with which you struck was amazing. I blinked and missed it, but Rukia is very upset. Captain Kuchiki was gravely wounded."

The smile faded slowly from his face and he frowned. "She doesn't need any other problems. Do you know who the father of her kid is?"

Answering that question was difficult and I hadn't expected to be asked. Knowing who the father was might be a liability, but I nodded my head. After the multitude of mistakes I'd made, lying to him now was not a wise choice. I got up and found my brush. Standing to one side, I began to brush my hair with careful strokes.

"Tell."

"No." I didn't think he'd enjoy being informed that his fifth seat was involved with Rukia.

"Is Ikkaku still infatuated with Nemu?"

The sudden change of topic rattled me slightly. I nodded my head automatically and then stopped and stared wide eyed at Zaraki. "He... she... they..."

"He, she, they? Lost for words? Nemu and Kurotsuchi only confirmed what I already knew."

I swallowed hard and stated my agreement. "He refuses to give up. It seems to be a shared problem in 11th Division."

A sudden light of understanding flooded his face. "Is that why Arai came with you? Because he fathered Rukia's child?"

Immediately I shook my head and replaced the brush in my bag. He was getting too close to the truth and I didn't wish to cause any more problems for Yumichika and Rukia. It wasn't my secret and there was no easy solution to that problem, at least not one that I could see. From my conversation with her, I knew that Rukia would take some time before she could move past hurting Renji. He wouldn't make it any easier, that much was evident. If I told Zaraki about the relationship, would that increase the problems or would it assist in leading to a resolution? Then it struck me that I'd nearly confirmed that the father of the child came from his division. It was only a matter of time.

"Yumichika? He's the only real choice. Yeah, I can see that he'd be drawn to the woman and as Renji likes to meet up with his friends from my division, they'd have the chance to meet."

I said nothing, avoiding his gaze by moving closer to my clothing. It seemed wise to start dressing before he insisted we rejoin the others. For some reason it seemed that might happen shortly, once he had obtained the answers to his persistent questions.

"Am I right?"

Again it seemed wrong for me to confirm his guess, but he hated it if I didn't tell him the truth. Was it a lie if I didn't answer him?

"Matsumoto, stop trying to avoid the question." Zaraki was now gripping me by my upper arms to prevent me turning away from him.

"Yumichika was the father." I tried to keep my voice as quiet as possible, not wishing to be overheard.

"Oh, that is fucking great. My third seat is in lust or love with the scum sucking pig's daughter and my fifth seat got Kuchiki's sister pregnant." Zaraki was trying not to shout, but his grip on my arms had tightened.

"I didn't make it happen," was my token protest. In the grip of my turbulent emotions I hadn't paid much attention to the other Shinigami's arrangements while we were in the human world. They were adults and competent fighters. Rukia would have resented any intervention and at the time I was positive that my relationship with Zaraki was temporary. Trying to manage my own problems and Orihime's had been more than enough.

Abruptly Zaraki let me go and began to dress rapidly. "Get your clothes on, woman. I don't know if Renji should learn of this now, but it won't make it any better if he finds out later."

His face was set and with a slight kick of fear I observed his eyes. I now knew one of the other reasons that Yachiru had said that I wouldn't understand. It was only because of the intervention of both zanpakuto spirits that I'd survived and while Zaraki now knew the name of his zanpakuto, he didn't seem very pleased about it. The news about the father of Rukia's baby was not what he wished to hear and while I knew he was trying to do the correct thing, I questioned the wisdom of it.

"If you don't get dressed, I'll do it by myself." His voice distracted me from my reflections and I picked up the clothes I'd been staring at and began to don them.

Letting him walk away in this mood would only give him time to brood and I didn't want that. Once dressed I looked up at him, allowing the admiration and love I felt for him show in my expression. "Thank you Zaraki."

His eyes narrowed suspiciously and I could see it was not the response he'd expected. "You're not going to argue and you're thanking me? What for, woman?"

Fully dressed I felt confident as I placed my lieutenant's insignia on my sash thinking carefully before I answered. "Thank you for listening to the spirit of your zanpakuto. You could have killed me."

A furtive, slightly guilty look crossed his face and I wondered what he was hiding. "The spirit wouldn't let me hurt you. You know that. I said the dumb bastard's fallen in love with you like I have. As for the other, forget it." While he spoke he was looking at his zanpakuto, not at me and I sensed there was more being left unsaid.

A loud rapping at the door was interspersed by a loud voice calling, "Madame Unohana asked me ask you to return, don't cha know? Come on. I want to go back and keep playing with Nel."

"Shut the fuck up. We'll be there when we're ready," Zaraki yelled back, but it didn't hide that he was pleased about the interruption.

As we left the room I vowed I would find out what else bothered my husband.

* * *

A.N.

Ultimate-drax: Memento Mori: (Latin) Remember you must die.

_Soundtrack_

'Let's Get Naked' Joan Osborne

'Central Reservation (Deep Dish Remix)' Beth Orton

'Wake Up' Coheed and Cambria

'Map of the Problematique' Muse

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse. Lack of reviews do not.


	37. The Lover

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for Arai and a few other random OC's invented to move the plot along._

**The Lover**

As I followed Zaraki who strode through the open door I heard conversation and thought I heard Captain Kuchiki's voice reassuring Rukia of his well being.

"Captain Unohana is an expert physician. It is due to her skill that I will recover. " he was saying. "Her lieutenant was of great assistance," he added but it sounded very much like an afterthought.

"Yeah. Kuchiki, I didn't mean to stab you. Keep out of the way in future," Zaraki said. He didn't seem comfortable with the admission.

"If that is your apology, then I accept," the Captain said. He was now sitting up, supported by Arai, who looked very relieved to see us and he smiled and nodded briefly at me.

Pain or loss of blood had drained Captain Kuchiki's skin of colour, but he was trying to act as though nothing was wrong. "We need no further disharmony within our ranks."

He was correct. The problems with Renji and Captain Kurotsuchi might fracture the delicate alliance and instead of acting in a united manner against the Arrancar, they would have a better chance of picking us off in our smaller units. Also, it would not be possible to maintain a watch over the 12th Division traitor. Until now he had remained with the group, but I expected he would try to leave now that his communications had been cut. There was little more he could learn as everyone was now on their guard against him. He was in more danger remaining with us, than seeking out his true master.

While there had been a considerable amount of discussion in the Seireitei, that I'd avoided, about the possibility of cutting off Kurotsuchi's communications, but leaving the others active, it had resulted with no decision being made. As the commander of 12th Division he had the priority and the programme had been contaminated by his protocols in nearly every area. Trying to undo the links would take time and Akon had refused to cooperate.

In the interim all communication had been severed. Surreptitiously I checked mine and found it was still showing as being unavailable. I bit my lip, concerned at the inability of reporting back to Toshiro. I knew he would worry about the situation, but he had to trust me and the people who were here. We would prevail, somehow.

"I don't apologise," Zaraki muttered, but only I heard him.

"Nii chan. Are you sure you not pretending?" Rukia was offering a drink to her brother as her eyes searched his face imploringly.

"I am a warrior and a noble. I do not pretend about unimportant matters," he said and winced. As he rearranged himself, to apparently increase his comfort, it was obvious he mainly did so to hide the involuntary reaction to pain.

"Captain Zaraki, I am very unhappy with you." At first I thought it was Rukia, but the voice was deeper and softer and I turned to Retsu who regarded my husband carefully. "Your earlier actions are inexcusable and I will not tolerate a repetition," she paused and smiled sweetly, "or there will be a penalty."

The smile remained sweet but it added to the chill of the threat. Omission of the details of the penalty made the consideration of what it might be only made it more worrying.

"I won't make promises I can't keep."

Stubborn, but true. For the sake of peace he could have agreed, but that would make him less than he was. While it was admirable, it wasn't wise to annoy the 4th Division Captain.

Retsu gave him a level look but then a small smile touched her mouth. "Experience has taught me that is true. Well, prepare for the consequences for your actions."

The curt nod she received from my husband made her smile slightly wider and I wondered if she was planning something to demonstrate that her friendship was more to be courted than her displeasure.

"You will not manage to gain the advantage so quickly next time, if there is a next time," Captain Kuchiki said with assurance. "I will be on my guard."

The small grunt I heard from my husband indicated that he was going to provide a less than complimentary reply.

"Where's Renji?" I said, eager to change the subject. It was a mistake, but at least it would take the attention from the earlier incident.

Rukia immediately changed from gentle concern over her brother to the guilt ridden girl who had injured her friend. In a tight, pained voice she said, "Ichigo fought him until they were both exhausted. They have both been forced to sleep."

"It took some effort. Which means that it is your turn to stand watch," Isane added. "They were next, but neither of them is in any condition to stand, let alone fight off any enemies."

"Nel is with Renji. She seems quite attached," Rukia said reluctantly and I saw the tears in her eyes. "and provides him with a constant stream of instructions. He even follows some of them. She said she wants to watch him sleep."

That explained the absence of those three.

"Yachiru is with Chad. As soon as I questioned her about her Captain, she remembered something it was essential to ask him," Retsu said innocently.

Her meaning was clear. Yachiru was refusing to provide any information and had found an excuse to avoid the questions. It meant that Retsu was curious, but due to her common sense and understanding of the difficulty of the current situation, she would leave her investigation until later. Zaraki's set look indicated that he realised this as well, but he simply nodded and then asked the question that required an immediate answer.

"Where do we stand watch?"

There was an unmistakable quiver to Isane's voice as she replied, "You have to stand at opposite ends of the area we claimed. Be alert at all times because so far the attacks have been unexpected and random. "

Unexpected attacks would mean that there could be no room for meditation or conversation. The emphasis on the word 'you' had not escaped me and I widened my eyes artlessly, trying to appear like I did not understand her broad hint. No one would ignore the importance of vigilance, even if she had unfinished business with her husband and an intense longing to be held within his arms once more. Even if I knew there was something wrong that he was refusing to tell me. Now it was important to adhere to my responsibilities and assist in protecting our small group.

"Before we do that, I need to talk to your sister, Kuchiki," Zaraki said.

It dawned on me then what was forcing Zaraki to act in this manner. I had to protest. Renji was asleep and this information could wait until he was awake. To tell him now might prevent him from getting the rest he needed. "I don't think that's a good idea, Zaraki," I said.

He turned to me and the determined expression told me that my words would not sway him from his intention. "I don't give a fuck if it's a good idea or not. Lies destroy quicker than painful truths."

My hand rose to my throat as I tried to think of a protest, but no feasible answer presented itself.

"It is my sister's decision, Kenpachi. You should ask her," Captain Kuchiki said, but his eyes were on Rukia who was now as pale as her brother.

I had thought he might try to protect her, but from the look on his face it was obvious that he'd decided that while he loved and cared for her, she had to take responsibility for her own life.

"Y..y...yes, Captain Zaraki. What is it?" Rukia was looking at me, pleadingly.

I'll talk to her, Zaraki. I know what you want to say," I interjected quickly.

Even though I expected it, his hard gaze made me flinch. "You do, do you? You're a mind reader?"

If I hadn't been there when we had discussed this I would have been very concerned. As it was, his tone was dismissive and there was a certain amount of tension that I experienced when he looked at me. Taking a steadying breath I returned his gaze with an unwavering one. "Don't do this Zaraki. Not now. Leave it."

"The fuck I will. Rukia, you've acted like a selfish..." I grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away. He wouldn't move and realising how futile trying to make him change his mind or move the man, instead I caught Rukia's hand and dragged her out of the room as fast as I could. Shutting the door I leant on it and looked at her, seeing her face change from fear to despair.

"You told him!" The heartbroken sound of her voice indicated how deeply she felt she'd been betrayed. "I trusted you."

Grabbing her by the shoulders I tried to make her look at me. "He guessed. I didn't tell him, exactly, but now he wants you to tell Renji."

I didn't think it was possible for her skin to pale even further, but it did. "R...R..Tell Renji? He wants me to tell Renji? Hasn't he suffered enough?"

She stared at me disbelievingly, shaking her head back and forth automatically.

"If you don't tell him, Zaraki will."

I could see she was thinking it over. The head shake stopped and her eyes closed while her mouth turned thin. Her expression became carefully bland, she opened her eyes and then she nodded. "Maybe that's best."

Her reaction confused me. "I thought you'd want to tell him in person."

Rukia again shook her head firmly. "I've hurt him so much. I love him and always will, but he can only see what I've done as deceit. To add the details of what I've done, and who with, might seem like I'm trying to torture him."

What she said made sense, but permitting my husband to deliver the news did not seem sensible. "Zaraki will be direct," I warned her.

She looked away as if trying to gather her thoughts and then looked at me again. "Renji respects your husband. Captain Zaraki will only tell him what he thinks he needs to know and will be able to handle any violence."

This seemed wrong. I'd always thought Rukia was brave and faced everything that was thrown at her without flinching, but now she seemed to want to take the easy way to find a solution to her problem. As if reading my thoughts she said, "Your husband is not directly involved. "

Not directly, perhaps. But he was Yumichika's Captain.

"And if Renji attacks him, your husband might enjoy the fight."

I found I was nodding in agreement. If Renji decided to use bankai, Zaraki would take great pleasure in measuring it, fighting it and ultimately defeating it. There was no doubt in my mind that even against a bankai, my husband would prevail. Possibly not against Captain Yamamoto, but anyone else. Now he knew the name of his zanpakuto, there might be no one that could stand against him.

" Can I stand sentry with you?" Rukia sounded both eager and reluctant when she made the suggestion.

Biting my lip, I tried to work out why she made the request. There was no reason for her to try to prevent me from getting closer to my husband, we both took the security of the group more seriously than that. Even if I wanted to be with him, I would wait until it would not mean a risk for the others. Then my brain finally kicked in and I worked it out.

"You don't want to tell your brother, do you?" It sounded like an accusation, which of course it was, but it was too easy to understand. Renji's reaction to the break-up of their engagement had been horrendous. She was still reeling with the guilt that she was feeling from that experience coupled with her fear after Zaraki had attacked her brother and nearly killed him.

Recent developments meant that Renji would learn of her relationship with Yumichika and there was little doubt that the news would reach her brother, within minutes. Captain Kuchiki would not be pleased to be associated with 11th Division, especially that closely. The man would not rage or express his anger at his sister, but once more, the disapproval and distance might grow between them.

"Rukia, your brother admires courage, doesn't he?"

Her eyes opened wide, startled. The quick nod she gave confirmed my impression.

"Of all the things he admires, they are honour, strength, integrity, honesty and courage." Inadvertently I emphasised the last two.

A small tinge of red showed in her cheeks and she turned her head away. There was no doubt she caught my meaning, but didn't want to acknowledge the truth. Placing my hand gently on her shoulder, I turned her slightly toward me and smiled at her as kindly as I could.

"I don't want to, Ran," quivered her voice. "He was dissatisfied with me for the longest time. Since then we have become close and if I see the disapproval in his eyes once more, it would hurt so badly. To finally have found a brother instead of a distant acquaintance..... I agreed to the marriage to please him."

Every word was true, the fervour in her words rang strongly.

She was missing something so important that it was necessary to remind her. "Was he harsh with you regarding Renji?"

She swallowed hard. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again and wriggled her neck slightly.

I waited.

She swallowed again and cleared her throat, finally shaking her head. "He never wanted me to marry Renji. Never. He didn't say it, but I know he was thinking it was an affront to the Kuchiki clan that his sister marry his lieutenant."

My answering nod was noticed and cautiously she continued. "The main rebuke he delivered was too many people witnessed the muddle. "

It was easy to believe that the outpouring of personal information was unpalatable.

A small chuckle escaped Rukia as she added, "Byakuya did say any doubt that the breakup was caused by him was removed. And no one would question the reason, just the person."

The acceptance and the comment sounded odd for Captain Kuchiki. "You have to tell him, Rukia. Not Renji, nor Zaraki. If you tell him it will show your trust and possibly impress him with your courage."

She shook her head in denial.

"Think about it. Who told you of Byakuya's engagement?"

She shrugged as a peculiar expression crossed her face. "It wasn't like that."

"What was it like?" There was no hiding the fact I was curious about it. Kiyone and Byakuya seemed an unlikely couple and I could not remember seeing the two of them exchanging glances, let alone words.

"I can't tell you."

Trying another tack I remembered an earlier conversation. "Your brother was forced into the engagement. Kiyone is pregnant?"

Reluctantly she nodded. "Captain Ukitake was very clear on the matter. My brother agreed to the marriage because of the child. I hated seeing Nee-chan forced into a loveless marriage, but what could I do?" Her mouth trembled after she spoke. "What can I do?"

I thought for a few minutes and tried to explain what I thought, but it seemed pretty feeble. "We make mistakes and have to live with them."

"It was only once! It isn't fair to him!"

Amazed that Captain Kuchiki revealed so much I stared at her. She gestured as if dismissing my surprise and explained, "Kiyone told everyone it was only once. "

Her clarification made more sense. From my limited contact with the 13th Division 3rd seat, it seemed she was even less discreet than me. When had this happened? It seemed that Rukia, Captain Ukitake, Captain Kuchiki and Kiyone had met together to discuss the situation. Her brother would not have liked that at all.

"I tried to tell Captain Ukitake that my brother hated being embarrassed in front of people he respects. Sometimes I wonder if that is why he helped Renji and I to leave the Seireitei to help Ichigo, so he could have an excuse to leave also. He hated that three captains knew about Kiyone's condition and the parentage of the baby before he did."

Three Captains? She'd mentioned Captain Ukitake, but who could the others be?

"I think he minded that Captain Fong knew more than Captain Hitsugaya," Rukia continued musingly. From the way the conversation was travelling it was apparent she preferred to think of others mistakes rather than her own.

Even so, I was astounded. My Captain and Captain Fong knew about this! Toshiro hadn't mentioned anything about it to me. If he had, the departure from his normal behaviour may have made me question if he was serious. Did it indicate a lack of trust on his behalf?

Rukia was correct. That these facts were known to other Captains before he was informed might deliver a great blow to his pride. All the same, I wondered if Kiyone had tried to meet with the Captain to explain what was happening, only to be left in the dust by his Shun-po or cool indifference.

"I'm scared for him, Ran. He doesn't love her and I'm not sure he even likes her. Do you think he'll marry her, wait until the baby is born and then divorce her?"

How could I answer that question? How did noble families view divorce? If Kiyone was unfaithful to him, the divorce proceedings might be fast and the custody of the child would be awarded to the father, or so I believed. Otherwise, the matter was open to many factors and influences.

"Love might come; later."

The slow shake of her head indicated Rukia's disbelief of my spoken hope. "Kiyone is wrong for him. They share no interests, no ideals, nothing. While I respect her, she is the worst possible wife for my brother."

Hasty words rushed from my mouth. "Is that because of your sister?"

Rukia gave a harsh laugh. "I barely remember my sister. Byakuya worships her memory and no woman will ever measure up to the woman he has created in his mind. I do know she gave him peace in his heart. Kiyone will never do that."

We had wandered so far from our original topic and while the revelations were fascinating, we weren't addressing the immediate problem. I decided to confront her with a possibility. "Is it possible that Captain Kuchiki doesn't want both of you entering a loveless alliance for the sake of family honour and respect?"

As her mouth dropped I followed up my advantage. "Your brother had one marriage based on love. He was prepared for you to marry Renji because he thought you loved him. Now he knows you don't, maybe he might welcome your alliance to a man you do love."

She shot upright and quickly answered, "I told you, I don't love him."

Many ideas passed through my mind as I contemplated the best answer. To help matters, Rukia should accept her feelings for Yumichika and then progress from there. While I didn't want to think about the possibility, there was a chance that we might not win and die here. That gave me the idea. "Rukia, you faced death here. You lost a child. What were you thinking as you were near death?"

"How could you remind me of that?" Pained rage showed in her expression and it was there because of my words.

It was low, I knew. Low, but I thought it necessary for my friend to see the truth.

"That is not an answer."

Rukia was breathing fast, strong emotion evident in her stance and face as her eyes gave me a hard and unrelenting stare. "That is not fair, Ran. I didn't know you were cruel."

"Getting to the truth can hurt," was my dismissive response. "But if cruelty makes the journey fast, then it's fair." It wasn't, I knew it wasn't, but Rukia kept trying to hide from her feelings about Yumichika.

As the silence lengthened I prodded her one more time. "Who did you think of?"

"My brother," she answered, too quickly.

"Your brother and who else?" There was no possibility that I would relent.

"Yumichika," was barely a whisper.

"When I thought I was dying all I could think of was Zaraki," I said as the memory wrenched at my heart and the remembered pain brought the coppery taste of blood to my mouth. Bringing her to this point had hurt her, but it seemed important that I shared the reason for my persistence with her. My hand went to my throat as I recalled Aizen's attempt to strangle me, or force me into submission. Death had come close and it was hard to escape the fear that it might be the only way I would leave this place. I wondered if Rukia had considered the matter and it was a clear possibility she had.

Then she looked at me without the anger, hatred and resentment that had been present in the latter part of our conversation.

"So, that's why you asked?"

My simple nod was all I needed to provide as answer. It had hurt me to use this tactic, but it had hurt her much more. Truth was often painful, either finding out the truth about ourselves, or the ones we cared for.

"You love Yumichika and it's important that you tell your brother."

The gasp that escaped her was not too strong; it sounded more like a sigh of unhappy acceptance. Her hands clenched slightly at her sides and gradually she pulled her shoulders back, straightening her spine as her resolve grew. "You're right, Ran. I wish you weren't. My brother deserves the truth from me. He has enough problems and if we lie, we lose the best part of each other."

"It would be better coming from you than my husband. With Renji, it is a solution that won't please everyone but at least he can't accuse you of enjoying his pain as you tell him." The mood Renji was in, he might perceive it to be so.

During our brief affair, it had become crystal clear that he loved Rukia more than Gin had ever loved me. When I questioned why he was with me and not her, he dismissed the question each time, making a joke, or laughing about my curiosity. It was only when he was talking generally, not really weighing each word, that the depth of his emotion was revealed. He had almost accepted that they would never be together, despite his potential to attain a high rank, despite his constant love and battle for improvement. She had changed since she had been adopted into the noble house. Instead of defying authority, she had been drawn into one of the most influential authorities: the aristocracy. Piece by piece, any chance he felt he had slipped away.

Our affair was long over by the time Rukia had gone to the human world. I'd kept in contact with Renji and noticed that his love had become slightly overlaid with bitterness. Being moved to the 11th Division had appeared like a demotion at the time. His goal seemed ever farther. He had been scared to be alone with her, fearful of revealing too much and had taken to seeing her only in the company of others.

It didn't matter. None of the past mattered now. It only lent a recognition of what had been there, but was now more apparent. The love Rukia and Renji had for each other had changed and now each of them had different expectations, which were at odds. It was pointless to consider whether they would still be in love if they had married earlier, as that situation had never arisen.

Rukia drew my attention by standing straight, wiping her face with a cloth she drew from her sleeve and then brushing her uniform, straightening it as much as she could. "Ran, come with me. Byakuya might not like it, but I need... I need... If he's upset with me, he won't show it in front of someone else."

Thinking about it, it was easy to see why she made the request, but I could not agree. "If you tell him, in person and in private, he will have the opportunity to respond as he must. If I am there, he might resent my presence."

Rukia paused as she seemed to think about my comments. I could feel her reluctance, and knew that she feared losing her brother's good opinion. I couldn't blame her. I didn't understand Captain Kuchiki. I knew why my Captain was very insistent on protocol and adherence to the proper forms. He was young and too many people discounted his intelligence and abilities. He was the closest thing I had to a relative and while he might become annoyed with me at least the essential honesty between us prevented many of the possible mistakes.

Captain Kuchiki might be a noble, but Rukia was his sister. I would never treat Toshiro the way he had treated Rukia, no matter the reason. Toshiro would let me know when he was angry and then once I had done as he had asked and soothed him or threatened him with copious amounts of hugging, he would eventually come around. I would prefer that to cold denial that anything was wrong which seemed to be the way that Rukia's brother might react to an unpleasant disclosure. It seemed that it was probable their hard won companionship might be shattered by this new revelation.

"You can stand watch with me after you tell him," I offered. "It will give him time to accept the news."

A very small smile touched her mouth. "If I tell him I'm helping you stand watch he won't interrogate me too much, you mean?" She sighed gently and the smile vanished. "Not that he would. He won't be pleased."

Pleased. Whenever people fell in love someone would be displeased, unhappy, angry, rejected or confused by the relationship. If I'd considered other people's feelings I would never have invaded Zaraki's privacy in the bath house. Toshiro would still be twisting his life into a never ending downward spiral on behalf of Momo. Ikkaku would be womanising indiscriminately.

But on the other hand, Renji wouldn't be reduced to his current raging state, Nemu might have never discovered her inability to bear children and none of the women would be pregnant. Was that the better situation?

I'd heard someone once say that love was unselfish, but that wasn't true. Love was the ultimate indulgence in self-interested behaviour. You might sacrifice everything for the one you loved, but you were also prepared to surrender all others to whatever fate might await them in order to protect that one person. Wars had been fought for the sake of love. So many deaths sanctioned for an emotion that was supposedly shared between people.

I caught myself before further ideas passed through my mind concerning the nature of love. People had died for it and because of it, but that was true of so many other things. People dying over a small piece of land because two powerful nations had laid claim to it. Wars were waged over ideas, beliefs and the simple pursuit of power or revenge.

"Ran, can we go now?' Rukia's voice broke through my musings and I was startled to realise I had become caught up with irrelevancies.

I gave her an uncertain smile as we walked back to the room where we believed Captain Byakuya was stationed. As we entered the room all the inhabitants turned to look at us and I noticed Zaraki was absent.

"Brother, may I talk to you? Alone?" Rukia's voice shook with nerves.

Her brother merely looked at her and nodded, then led the way out of the door.

"Good luck," I mouthed at her as she left, hoping that this would work out better than I anticipated.

* * *

A.N.

Now it gets interesting. For me. Finally getting to a point that has been bugging me for ages. By now you've probably guessed I don't do simple. Simple bores and isn't a challenge.

A new chapter of 'Obsidian and Alabaster' should be up within a week.

Soundtrack

'Silent Pain' Yuki Kajiura (From 'Noir' soundtrack)

'Our Truth' Lacuna Coil

"It's the Fear' Within Temptation

'Now' (Thomas Gold remix) Cyb

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	38. The Duty

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for Arai and a few other random OC's invented to move the plot along._

**The Duty**

Zaraki gave me a relentless stare. "You interfered."

It was impossible for me to deny that I had. Even though I could argue the case, would he be prepared to listen to my explanation? His intentions might have been good, in fact I knew they were, but the way her would execute them might have hurt Rukia badly.

Then it struck me. I was trying to protect Rukia from Renji, but I should also be trying to help my long time friend. He needed someone who would understand what he was going through, but then I recalled his words and reactions. If I went near him now, it might only remind him and hurt him further. It would be likely that all women were the enemy. Nel was not a woman, only a child and even in that form she seemed to exert some kind of authority over him.

But all this was to think about later. In the present I had to face my husband and his anger at my intervention. I wanted to take him aside, but knew he would prove obstinate. While the people in the room pretended disinterest, they were listening avidly. Who could blame them? Events were moving fast and all these romantic entanglements were becoming confusing and interfering with morale. At least the 12th Division Captain was not there to gloat.

I stared my husband down. "You don't know everything. I need to talk to you. In private."

For a moment his eyes lit up and I wondered if he thought I was asking him for sex. While the idea appealed, there were serious matters to take care of before the pleasure. If he was so eager that Renji should know the identity of Rukia's lover, then he should tell him.

Instead of answering his look I led the way to the door. It dawned on me that it was becoming a habit to leave this room to either discuss an important and delicate manner, or to deal with my husband. This time it would be both that needed to be done and I wondered if there were events that had shaped this situation. I hadn't seen him in quite this mood before. He was annoyed with me over my actions, but I didn't think he would bite me or fight me. The chances were he's wish to argue with me, which I hated because it made me wonder what we were arguing about. The basis for the argument might seem reasonable, but there were always undercurrents that swirled through the misunderstandings making it harder to find the way past the pitfalls and thread the way to the end. I might think the fight was based on one reason only to find layers wrapped around the anger.

At least Zaraki fought me honestly. He didn't make me twist around, flailing to find a way to make it end. The blame was not always mine and while he might not apologise, he didn't expect me to abase myself when I was wrong. Maybe not wrong, but the times when I didn't have all the facts. This time I knew I had acted for the best.

Zaraki would be blunt and fast and while the impact of the news would be hard, the delivery would not allow for any expectations of sympathy. The guilt that currently coursed through Rukia's veins would make the situation as bad as it could be before she even opened her mouth. It was best to keep Rukia and Renji as far apart as possible and if she stood guard with me, there was a space apart. I considered suggesting that they were rostered on alternate watches, or slept while the other was awake and not patrolling the perimeter. If it were feasible, the return of one of them to the Seireitei might diffuse the situation, but with the communications blackout it couldn't be done. Keeping them apart as much as possible was the best solution.

Once in the hallway he took me by the arm and turned me to face him. "Woman, I give you more freedom than any other person, but you are getting close to irritating me." A fierce frown creased his forehead while his eyes did not contain their usual expression.

Even though it was the last thing I wanted to do, I smiled up at him. His anger was better met with humour than answering rage, and at this point I had enough control and impetus to make this easy for both of us. I watched the frown ease a little and the hard look in his eyes gradually faded.

"Beloved husband, I don't intent to irritate you. There are some confidences Rukia has shared with me which change the situation," gentling my voice, I wrapped my arms around him. I had been away from him for too long and didn't want any further problems to surface and estrange us. I longed for his warmth, strength and understanding and to watch his mouth frame my name or call me 'beloved'.

At least he didn't pull away, yet he didn't return my embrace. Once again it seemed I'd made the wrong choice. His disappointment hurt me, but was it possible for me to act differently? If we never forgave anyone their mistakes could we expect to be forgiven?

Once again all the beliefs I'd held about love were being questioned. Love didn't excuse me or protect me. Saying sorry was part of it, to acknowledge that I regretted my actions. In this case the only regret I had was I had estranged my husband, not my attempt to help Rukia. Zaraki might rarely say he was sorry, but he showed it in other ways.

"If you feel that I didn't listen to you, I'm sorry. While you're the centre of my world, you're not the only person in it," was my feeble attempt to explain things.

"A good wife only has one person in her world," Zaraki said.

It was impossible to believe he'd said that. Was he that selfish? If so, I'd made a mistake in my choice of partner.

I snuck a look in his face and while his mouth remained set I noticed a small spark of humour in his eyes. Carefully I chose my words. "Doesn't that apply to a good husband also?" I murmured demurely, while glancing at him under my eyelashes.

I noticed one side of his mouth turn up slightly, but he quickly controlled the impulse, while his eyes displayed even more amusement. "A man has other concerns," was his steady reply.

There could be no doubt he was being difficult on purpose. An overwhelming urge to poke him overcame me, but I resisted as it wasn't possible to predict his response. Even though I was his wife, there were boundaries with him still requiring exploration, preferably in private and not in a hallway. Instead I tightened my grip and turned my face upward parting my lips slightly as I widened my eyes. Slowly I drew my tongue along my lower lip, deliberately. He wasn't really fighting fair this time, so neither would I.

There was no hiding his reaction to my provocation.

"Other concerns?" I questioned softly.

Finally he smiled. "Matsumoto, you anger me and then make me want to press you against the wall and take you hard."

My face mirrored his smile. "Let me explain everything, please beloved Zaraki. We don't have much time before we have to stand guard, but after that, we might have some private time."

Minutes passed as his face remained with the same smile, but his eyes seemed to be calculating his answer. His anger at Rukia was predictable, yet she was not entirely to blame. The set of events leading to that problem were complicated and unexpected. Smiling at the thought it became evident to me the statement could apply to my own situation. Simply ignoring a directive from my Captain and following my own whims had led to marriage with a man who I had never expected to like, but now loved.

"Tell me."

The uncertainty in his eyes was not present in his voice. As calmly and clearly as I could I spoke of my conversation with Rukia, concealing the matters that were not relevant or too revealing. Zaraki didn't interrupt while I spoke, only nodding occasionally. His mouth turned down as he gradually seemed to acknowledge our contribution to the painful episode, but I knew he would put it behind him, not wishing to linger on the past, but try to make the present easier to handle.

"She wants me to tell him. Yeah, I can understand that. I'll do it alone and do it now," was his decision. "I'll take Retsu with me in case he needs to be knocked out again."

Hope rose slightly. "You will?"

He raised an eyebrow and then bent down and kissed me greedily. "When you look at me like that I'd be prepared to tell Kuchiki he's a dick."

"You'd do that anyway," I laughed, pleased he was taking this so well.

"The man has to learn the truth sometime," was his answer. "No time for a quick fuck. You better be prepared for a long session in bed or against a wall once we're not patrolling the bloody corridors."

I didn't answer, just looked at him, the promise plain in my eyes. Hand in hand we returned to the room where Zaraki, tried unsuccessfully, to whisper to Retsu. The whispering didn't work and every word he spoke was clear to each person in the room.

"I'm going to sort out Abarai and I want you with me. Okay?"

Retsu nodded and gave some quiet instructions to Isane. Rukia bit her lip and stood close to me. Her brother languidly looked from me to Rukia and his eyes finally rested on the back of my husband as he left the room. "Be prepared to take your watch, Captain Zaraki," he said forcefully.

"Yeah, whatever, Kuchiki."

A dull colour rose in the 6th Division Captain's cheeks at the dismissive tone and manner.

"He'll be back, brother. You know Captain Zaraki is reliable," Rukia ventured to reassure him.

"In any matter that interests him," he amended her reply. Then he looked at her and his mouth drooped. "Sister, I... the arrangement was...My intentions were noble."

Rukia's hands flew to her mouth and I heard a startled gasp emerge. I wondered if my mouth was gaping open also at this near admission of error.

"Dearest brother, I know they were. I..."

"Let us leave the matter there," was his quiet command and Rukia fell silent. Her expression was a mixture of frustrated love and relief. The assurance that her brother was acting purely out of care for her had moved her deeply, or so I imagined. They stared at each other until Captain Kuchiki coughed gently and moved to confer with Isane about medical supplies that needed replacing. It was easy to see if was an excuse and the interaction between the two was not smooth. The upcoming nuptials between Captain Kuchiki and Kiyone did not sit well with either of them.

"Is Captain Zaraki talking to Renji now?" the inner struggle that Rukia overcame to ask the question was evident in her voice and the slight raise in her shoulders pushing them both higher and hunched. She was turning in and trying to make herself smaller: defensive body language.

"Yes. He's not happy, but wants it to be over. Even if Renji erupts, Zaraki will manage him."

A screaming yell shuddered through the room. If there were words, they were unintelligible but a harsh yammering followed. Rukia tried to stand straight, but eventually her head began to droop. Even trying to block out the words didn't help. Impulsively I reached out and hugged Rukia, something I was nervous about doing even though I'd embraced her earlier. Until now it had seemed wrong to touch the princess of the Kuchiki clan, but now she was beleaguered by her own emotions and those around her. Captain Kuchiki was unlikely to hug her, or even touch her hand and with recent events in mind, the girl needed comfort. Again she stepped eagerly within the circle of my arms and hugged me in return.

"I never knew you'd befriend me," she said in a shaking voice. "I thought everyone in the Gotei 13 hated me because I caused Kaien's death and then this war." The words were delivered with many pauses, as if they were forced from her unwillingly.

"You didn't start the war, Rukia. You were used..."

She broke in. "I was used," and laughed discordantly. "Used by men, but I should've expected it. We use them in return. "

"Renji loved you and I think someone else does." Stopping before any incriminating facts were uttered, I glanced at her brother, trying to indicate that I meant him. Feeling her body shudder with suppressed sobs, I uttered meaningless sounds and noises to try to soothe her. Her ability to repress the sobs failed and the increasing moisture soaking into the shoulder of my uniform made me hope that the tears would help ease her pain.

The noise from outside changed from yelling to one very loud voice, that of my husband telling Renji to either shut up or fight. The noise died dramatically and trying to hear more, I strained my ears.

"Shut up and get over it, fuckwit. Have you forgotten where we are and why we're here?" The loud bellow was clear even over Rukia's sobbing.

Sudden quiet. Rukia stopped shaking and stepped away, wiping her face on her sleeve. "He's right. We're here to save Orihime and end the war."

Standing straight she walked over to her brother. "When we return home, I'm asking Yumichika to marry me. You may disown me, if you will, for that is your right."

Captain Kuchiki shot a quick glance at me and in a cool and distant voice replied, "We will talk of this later."

The small shrug was not lost on me. "There's nothing to talk about. I love you, brother, but it is my life and my decision."

A tiny flicker of the eye betrayed the Captain's disquiet. Even that little movement indicated there would be further private discussions between brother and sister and Rukia's victory might not be easily won.

Further conversation was forestalled as my husband stormed into the room slowly followed by Retsu. Her face was calm, but her mouth quirked slightly as if she were having difficulty preventing a smile. It was odd that she was expressing any amusement, but perhaps watching Renji be subdued had ultimately been amusing.

"Right, Abarai's been told. He's not happy, in fact he's fracking furious, but too bad. Rukia, if you fucking do something this stupid again, I'm not helping. Work out your own love life." My husband swept me into his arms and kissed me soundly after relaying his thoughts. "And you, wife, stop trying to solve other people's problems. They're other people's, not yours."

I kissed him back and then said, as calmly as was possible with the blood thundering through my veins, "If I can help, I'll try."

"Which causes your captain many needless worries," Captain Kuchiki spoke quietly.

"Keep out of this, Kuchiki. She's my wife and I'll tell her when she's wrong," Zaraki shot back. "Now, we have to go and relieve the guys standing duty. Come on. Let's go before you start solving someone else's love problems," he said to me with a touch of reluctant indulgence.

"I'll show you where we have to go." Rukia was once more calm and it was difficult to see any evidence of her earlier tears and despair. It made me wish I could learn the secret of recovering so quickly and then I wondered if it was a subject she's been taught in her grooming to become worthy of belonging to the nobility.

"I'll see you soon, Matsumoto. Don't get abducted, don't die and don't fuck anybody else and most of all, don't fucking forget me," my husband said before kissing me once more. Abruptly he released his grip, leaving me breathless and dizzy with desire, while he strode out of the room, fast.

I thought I heard a snort of laughter from within the room, but didn't bother to check who had found amusement in my husband's parting words. They were like a balm to me, a reminder of his love and care, even though they might not sound like it

It didn't worry me he'd left so swiftly. it was easy to guess that if he'd lingered we'd end up making love wherever we could rather than stand guard and Rukia might have found the situation embarrassing. So would I.

Bowing slightly to the Captains remaining in the room, I followed Rukia.

"Is he always like that?"

Rukia's curious words made me smile. "He says something along those lines to me whenever we're parting," was my only reply.

A strange noise caught my attention and on looking at my companion I witnessed her hand over her mouth and heard some strangled sounds. "You might find it amusing," was my measured response, "but what did you expect him to say? How much he loves me?"

The shaking of her head indicated she didn't expect anything so normal. "It's exactly the sort of thing I'd imagine Captain Zaraki would say."

"It is exactly the sort of thing Captain Zaraki does say," I returned with a grin. All the same I wish he hadn't said it in the presence of others. They were private words weighted with much sentiment and meaning that wasn't apparent to anyone else. Then it struck me I hadn't had a chance to tell him my response as he'd left so quickly.

I could see the broad back of Chad as we approached and Yachiru seemed to be perched on his shoulder, chattering to him, her face partially turned toward us.

"Matsomummy," Yachiru called, waving a hand at us. "Why are you here? And why is Princess Rukia here?"

Chad turned and gave us a lazy smile. "They've come to take watch," he said easily. "I expected Ichigo, but he obviously has other worries."

Rukia flushed and while I knew the boy had not meant anything, it reminded me how easy it was to remind the girl of the unpleasant scenes from earlier. "He's sleeping," she said, looking at the floor.

"Where's my Captain?" Yachiru broke in, obviously trying to change the subject.

Pleased to assist, I explained that he too was taking watch, but at the other end of the claimed area.

A devilish look crossed her face and she turned to Rukia and giggle before saying, "Are you making certain Matsomummy stays here and doesn't wander off to talk with her husband?"

The quick look of shock on the woman's face indicated she hadn't thought of that. "No. I needed to... I wanted to talk to Ran," was her muttered response.

Again it seemed that the words reminded Rukia of things she'd prefer to forget.

"Why don't you keep Zaraki company?" I suggested to Yachiru. It would make them both happy and help to pass the time.

"I will go back to sleep," Chad said. "I do not believe your husband will welcome my company as much as Yachiru's."

"She wasn't talking to you, silly," Yachiru giggled and adopted her little girl character as she swatted at him. "You carry me to Ken-sama and then you can go and sleep."

"It's been quiet. No movement at all. Has the 12th Division Captain made any progress with installing surveillance equipment?"

This was a fact I hadn't heard previously but clearly few of the people with whom I'd spoken had faith in any suggestions made by that man. The reason I'd suggested for coming here was good, but apparently the man's actions and general demeanour made it difficult to trust his loyalty.

"No." Rukia's voice was flat. The one word conveyed her distrust and disrespect for the Captain and I saw Chad grimace slightly.

"Ishida doesn't like him or trust him, but he likes Nemu," Chad offered as if uncertain what to say.

Yachiru bounced on his shoulder. "I like Nemu too. She needs a backbone, but for an invertebrate she has some good ideas."

A gasp of laughter burst from Rukia, and once she'd started she couldn't stop. All the recent experiences were enough to stretch anyone's strength and I worried whether she was on the verge of hysteria. Bending from the waist she continued to laugh and Yachiru joined in.

"It wasn't that funny," Chad ventured.

Yachiru stopped laughing and Rukia gradually gained control, mopping the tears from her eyes once more. They may have started as tears of laughter, but threatened to turn into tears of sorrow sometime soon.

"Come on small giant," Yachiru said. "I want to sit on Ken-sama's shoulder and you can sing to me while you walk."

Rukia watched them leave. "She hated you once. When she found out you married her Captain... There's many rumours about what happened."

I closed my eyes and nodded. Yachiru's reaction was natural considering her close relationship with Zaraki and in my heart it wasn't possible to blame her. There was nothing I could say.

"Now she calls you Matsomummy? Either she's very quick to forgive or..."

"We both love Zaraki. We both want his happiness above anything else and if she was out of his life he would be miserable." I said the words quietly but the meaning throbbed through them. "Yachiru is mature, but prefers to act younger in response to the way she's normally treated."

The look of disbelief on Rukia's face made me smile. It was easier to believe what was commonly thought than to make her own deductions, but it wasn't possible to judge her too harshly. I too had accepted the easy version of the 'truth' and was forced to change my mind once I encountered the reality.

It was easy to see she was thinking hard and finally she met my glance and nodded slowly. "She looks so young, but so does your captain."

Quickly I rejoined, "Who hates being treated like a child. He is a Captain because of his abilities, it is true, but Captain Yamamoto would have refused to promote him if he didn't believe he was capable of taking the role."

Too often Toshiro's face set showed his combined frustration and disappointment of the way others dismissed his aptitude because of his youth. If I tried to provide assurance he'd flick his hand, dismissing my words. It was normally at that time I'd embrace him for two main reasons: to provide comfort and to focus his attention on an immediate problem. As he struggled for freedom from my arms, all the while speaking harsh words of reproof, he would refocus and then demand I assist with paperwork or some other task I usually avoided.

The other reason I embraced him was one I acknowledged rarely. The way he squirmed and blushed amused but also endeared him to me. It was obvious he was unused to being in close proximity to another person and was uncertain how to respond. He wanted love and affection, but was unsure of how to react.

I briefly remembered how he returned my hug after Zaraki's departure and recognised that his relationship with Captain Fong, a woman whose pride and determination matched his own, had caused changes within him I had never expected.

A deep sigh drew my attention back to Rukia. "You're right. When we went to help Ichigo he seemed the most mature member of the group." She gave me a significant look and I felt heat rise in my cheeks.

"I was kidding," which was true, "and I was trying to work out how I felt. No, I was trying to ignore how I felt," I amended.

"And I was only the finding out how I felt," Rukia said softly.

"It's taken you this long to admit it."

The silence that followed made me recall that there were times it was better to think things through before saying them. I opened my mouth, preparing an apology when Rukia spoke.

"Loving Yumichika was too easy. He's handsome, charming and a member of the Thug Division," she gulped slightly. "Sorry."

Her guilty look made me laugh. How could I blame her for stating what many others had said before? "Yumichika is not a thug."

"No, he isn't."

Watching the empty passage wasn't very inspiring. Having company made the duty more pleasant and passed the time faster. We continued to talk, sharing confidences and hopes for the future. The longer we conversed, the more I began to appreciate Rukia's level head and sharp humour. Laughing at one of her pithy observations I failed to hear the person behind me and only realised how flawed my observation skills were when I felt the sharp sting of a needle in my back, seconds before I fell into darkness.

* * *

A.N.

Recently I've been forced to listen to Korean bands. The next person who makes the attempt will feel pain.

Soundtrack

'Help Me To Believe' Moby

'Sorry, Sorry' Super Junior

"Abracadabra' Brown Eyed Girls

'One Way or Another' Blondie (This will also feature on the next soundtrack).

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	39. The Food

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for Arai and a few other random OC's invented to move the plot along._

**The Food**

Rolling over, I groaned. The food was gone. Gin was gone. I'd stolen enough food for a few days, but when I got home last night the place was empty of both Gin and food. It didn't take me long to work out what had happened. I groaned again. It'd be days before I saw him. The rat did this too often. Waited til I stole a large amount of food and then took it and left.

Why I didn't go with other kids, I couldn't work out. Yeah, he'd saved me once by giving me food and explaining I needed it for my reiatsu, but since then I'd done most of the stealing. He said something about men letting pretty girls get away with more than boys. It was flattery, even when he said it, I knew. All the same, I let him talk me into it. He'd create a diversion, I'd stuff whatever I could inside my shirt and run.

If I got caught, I'd be in trouble. He wouldn't as he never had any of the stuff on him. It bugged me that I took the risks. Each time he'd explain again that he made the plans, all I had to do was do what he said.

"Who'd hurt a pretty girl? Let them kiss you, touch you, then kick 'em and run," he'd suggested one day when I'd complained about another near capture.

Kissing? Kissing these old ugly men for food? Let them touch me? And then what? I wondered, but never let it bother me too much. If he tried to make me do it, I might run and this time he'd be the one left alone without food. I'd never come back.

Problem was, even though I didn't want to, I sort of trusted the smiling slug. Not that he was really a creep; I liked him, I liked him a lot and wanted to spend all my time with him. When he was in the mood, which wasn't often enough, he was funny, clever and made cruel but accurate observations of the people we met. Those were the times I knew we were friends forever.

Until he left me on my own again, with no food or water. Then I cursed him for the meanie he was.

Sometimes he'd talk about a person he'd met; some boy with a name starting with am 'S'. I only knew that because he started to mention his name once, but stopped as soon as he'd said the 'S'. Maybe it was a big secret, maybe not. Whatever. The boy sounded like a cross between a hero and devil. It was easy to see he fascinated Gin who couldn't seem to work out whether he liked or hated the guy. I had the same trouble with Gin, working out if he was a hero or a devil. I'd decided devil and changed my mind lots of times.

Once I'd asked to meet this boy, friend, boss, or whatever the Hell he was. Gin had almost opened his eyes before shaking his head. "He's not interested in girls," he'd nearly sneered. "He wants to talk about serious topics, not the airhead things you babble on about."

That stung. Every time I'd tried to talk about important things with Gin he'd tell me to stick to things I knew. Like flowers, food or theft. I'd given up trying to have serious talks with him. If he thought I was an air head, then, fine. It didn't matter to me. Yeah, I told myself that time after time but was no closer to believing it.

The thing that got me most was it was unfair. I knew how to read. I'd stolen some books and read them. One was about this guy called Genji who acted like a right twerp. Always looking for the perfect woman or something. And there was that other book about being a Samurai. The man who'd written that had a really low opinion of women and I guessed he might not like women, in any way. Some of his advice was good, but a lot of it was garbage. I was sure he was more to his master, maybe even a body servant. I giggled a few times at that idea, but didn't tell anyone else. It was okay to think it, but saying it was bad.

My eyes were still shut. The old, falling down shack where we lived was bad at any time, but without food it was even worse.

"Ran."

I almost stopped breathing. The voice was familiar, but not familiar. It sounded like someone I knew, but changed.

"Rangiku."

Almost like Gin's voice, but deeper, with more of an edge to it than normal.

"Rangiku Matsumoto. Are you awake?"

Every time he spoke it sounded more like Gin. I was almost tempted to open my eyes, but didn't want to. If it was Gin and why did he sound so different, yelling at him might make me feel better, but there was no way he'd care. If it wasn't Gin, then it was a problem and one that made me feel slightly sick. There were stories about some of the men in Soul Society and how they liked young girls. They should have been in Hell, not here. I tensed, ready for action in case it was one of the sickos.

'Ran. Come on Ran. Open your eyes. I've watched you sleep long enough and I want to talk." A hand touched me on the shoulder. Immediately I rolled to one side and jumped to my feet, my hands forming into fists as I opened my eyes, ready to fight whoever the person was. Then I stopped.

The grey hair, sly expression, nearly shut eyes were present, but there was so much wrong. He was wearing a white thingy that looked like a robe and black socks and he was years older. Was it Gin's father? He'd never talked about his family and after a few questions got no answer, I stopped asking.

"Who the Hell are you?" Why be polite to this guy for all he looked like Gin? "Don't you come near me, creep , or I'll bite."

A small smile curved his lips. "Biting me? Happy memories. Happy days."

Those words seriously freaked me out. The guy had a serious kink if he was happy about the idea of being bitten. I bared my teeth at him and growled. "I will bite you. I'll bite your nose off and spit it at your feet."

A strange look crossed his face. "Ran, it will work out. Yeah, you've been taken from the thug again, and you were slightly damaged the last time you were here..."

Nothing he said made sense. Who was the thug? Looking around the place, I knew I'd never seen it before, so why did he think I'd been here before?

"I'll bite you if you don't tell me who you are."

I'm Gin, ya know. Gin Ichimaru." His voice rose.

"No you're not. Gin is about my age. He's not an old freak like you." There was no way he was Gin. I'd only seen him yesterday as he walked away from me.

Slowly his expression cleared and he nodded as if he finally understood something. "The slinking traitor was correct."

"What about? I'm a kid and you better leave me alone. I'll tell a Shinigami on you if you hurt me." It was a hollow threat. Why would one of them listen to me? And they were never there when you needed them.

He stepped toward me and I backed away, growling low in my throat in warning. He reached out a hand and I batted it away harder than I believed. "Don't you touch me. I'll scream." Yeah, like screaming would help in this strange place.

"Ran, there's a mirror over there," the man said pointing at the left wall. "Go look in it."

It wasn't a mirror. It was a moving picture of this old broad. She had my beauty mark, and the hair and eyes seemed the same colour as mine, but she wasn't me. "That's not me. It's a trick. No way my bits would get that big."

"Simply move and see if the image copies you," he said with bitter patience.

I did and it did. There was another way I could check. I looked down and there were the big bits I'd seen in the mirror. Overnight I'd gotten old, grown up, grown out, all without remembering.

Straight away, I began shaking my head. What had happened? I'd gotten old without having any fun or doing the things I wanted to. And why was I wearing a black Shinigami uniform? Was Gin playing another joke on me? Did that guy with the 'S' name help him? What was the point of doing it anyway? I pinched myself, but nothing changed. Shutting my eyes was the only thing I could think of. If I shut them and opened them, everything might return to normal.

It changed nothing. I was still old and fat. Gin was still old and had that stupid smirk plastered over his mouth. He looked pleased about something and from experience it meant that he felt he'd pulled a swift one over someone he didn't like, but feared. I wondered who it was, this time.

Then it became obvious there was little chance of knowing who the person was, or why Gin held a grudge. Obviously decades had passed and I wouldn't recall any of the people around us now. Whoever it was would be annoyed at whatever Gin had done, but he'd find a way to get out of trouble. He always did.

Looking at him I wondered if I was the person he'd decided to punish. It might be true as I didn't know what our relationship was or even if we were still friends. The way he looked at me might mean he was a friend, or he had a plan where I might be useful. Gin liked useful people or liked using people. It wasn't easy to work out which, so I didn't try. He was staring on me and it could end up being either good or bad for me. This time I hoped it was good.

"What did you do to me?" I wanted answers. Yeah, answers from Gin. Like that was going to happen.

"Nothing. Ran, trust me."

Trust him? I'd done that before and ended up hungry and alone. Did he expect me to always follow his ideas?

"Then why am I old and why are you old and even more full of yourself? And where are we? " I was scared. Our history made it hard for me to forget the bad times and for some reason I didn't think I liked him. Secretly I knew I loved him, but there was no way I'd tell him. He'd tease me.

That was one idea broken. Love didn't mean trust. Trust didn't mean love. Trusting Gin was about as sensible as trying to fetch water with a sieve. Could I love him and not trust him? He wasn't the same. I'd thought loved the boy, but what sort of man was he? Had he been changed by the mysterious 'S' into becoming even less nice?

Nice. Funny word to say about Gin. Sometimes he could act like a human being, not the smarmy git he presented to the rest of the world. From the looks of things he was even worse than before. Smarmy had become smug and cruel, and he'd changed into a meanie, or so it seemed. All the trust I'd woken with vanished as his face turned sly. I'd seen him look like that a few times and it usually ended with me running away very fast. With all the wobbly flesh I now had, running might be a problem and I'd be slow.

"What is it, Gin?" I didn't expect an answer.

The smile spread further across his face. It meant he was going to tell me very little.

"Aren't you pleased to see me?"

It was even worse. He didn't want to tell me anything.

"I saw you yesterday when you left with all the stuff I'd stolen. It was meant to last a week. Pleased? No."

So far he hadn't provided one answer to any of my questions.

"It's been at least a week since I've seen you, and you weren't at your best," the smile vanished as he said the words.

What had happened? It seemed weird that he stopped smiling.

I sighed. "Where am I?"

"You're safe and with me."

My hands were on my hips and I leant close to him, trying to scare him. It wouldn't work. "Where am I?"

"Hueco Mundo," he said reluctantly.

He'd told me? But it was a name I hadn't heard before. "What's that? And why am I here?"

"I missed you."

He missed me? He'd never said it before.

"Yeah? For sure!" Did he think I was a big a moron as some of the other kids?

"I did."

"You didn't. Liar."

"I did."

"Didn't."

"Ran, I missed you."

"Liar. You didn't, you didn't, you didn't to infinity. I won, so you didn't miss me."

A small laugh shook him. "I'd forgotten you did that."

"I still do that." I did. I'd done it two days ago when we were fighting.

It wasn't two days ago. This was awful. Who was I? I wasn't the girl who went to sleep worrying about food and water and a stupid boy who kept running away. I stuck my tongue at him and waggled it while I pulled down my eye.

He laughed even harder. He'd been a strange kid, but now he was peculiar.

"Stop it. Stop laughing at me, you meanie! I hate you!" I yelled.

How many times had I yelled that at him?

"No, you don't hate me. You love me. You always have." Gin sounded smug.

I had loved him. I remembered loving him. Now it seemed hard to believe. He'd been kind to me sometimes when he wasn't acting like a know it all.

I tried to see my Gin. Some things looked the same, but not everything. The lines around his mouth had grown deeper and it added a touch of cruelty to his face. Did I still love this man?

"I don't love you." It was better to say that.

He came closer and I backed away. "Don't! No!" I screamed. I didn't want this stranger to touch me.

"I won't hurt you. We were, we are lovers," he said softly.

I almost threw up. Lovers? Sex? I'd heard about it but didn't want to know. Yeah I made a few jokes about it, but so what? I was a kid and too young for that stuff. Thinking about having sex with Gin was yucky. Old people did it when they got married. They did it to have children.

"Do we have children?"

Gin shuddered. He tried to hide it. Did that mean we did, or didn't?

"No, we don't have children."

"Are we married?" People had children when they were married.

Gin laughed loudly, stopped and looked worried. It was weird. He was hiding something. "No."

"Do you love me?"

The shifty look was back. He'd said we were lovers but not married. That must have been wrong. Looking at my finger I saw a ring, like a wedding ring. Was I married? He wasn't going to answer my question.

"Am I married?"

"What?" He looked shocked.

I held out my hand and pointed to the ring. "This ring. Am I married?"

Was his forehead getting wet? He wiped it and tried to smile. "Take it off. I was trying to see if it fitted."

There was a chair. I sat on it. He was lying. "You want to marry me?"

"I was considering the matter."

Yeah. Right. But where did the ring come from? I looked at it. It was pretty. I tugged at it, but it wouldn't budge.

"You take it off," I told him, holding out my hand. I didn't want him to touch me, but I didn't want any ring he gave me either.

He pulled but it didn't move for him either.

"Your fingers are too fat," he said.

I punched him on the side of the head. I didn't mean to but I was sick of this. He rocked on his feet and moved back fast, checked himself and reached for me.

I jumped up, pushing over the chair. "Don't you touch me. I'm a kid," I screamed.

He stopped, but his face was angry. "You're an adult."

"My fingers aren't fat!"

"There was no need to punch me."

There was. I was sure of it. He'd insulted me, called me fat and wouldn't tell me anything. I had an idea. "I am married, but not to you," I blurted out.

Was it true? Who'd I marry if it wasn't Gin? Or was I making things up? Everything that had happened had mixed me up. I thought I was a kid, but I was old. For some reason I was dressed like a Shinigami and Gin looked like a dill.

He cleared his throat a little. When we were kids it meant he was going to lie. "You aren't married."

The words hurt but I didn't believe him. "You hate him." Then I remembered he'd said he'd taken me from the Thug. Who was the Thug? Was he my husband?

Gin cleared his throat again and shook his head. "Hardly know him."

Could the man tell the truth, ever? As a child he'd lied for fun. Had it become a habit?

"I'm married to someone you know and hate. The Thug. Who is the Thug?"

There was no smile on his face and the meanness came through. I didn't like this man. He was bad.

"Let me explain, dear Ran," he said as he tried to smile. As he walked toward me, his hands outstretched, I backed away. It was dumb because I ended up backed into a wall. A hand came close, I grabbed it and bit it hard.

"Bitch," he screamed, jerking the hand from my mouth and slapping me across the face with the other. I'd bitten deep enough to draw blood. I didn't care. I wanted him to bleed. My face hurt from his slap, but not as much as my bite. He wiped at the blood and I saw my teeth marks.

"I told you not to touch me. I told you I'd bite," I sang at him.

"You're acting like a child," he said, and he was trying to be calm.

"I am a child! I am! I am! I don't want to be grown up and here with you. I don't like this place and I don't like you." Pushing past him I ran toward the door. Why hadn't I thought of it before. I'd run away from him and hide and he wouldn't find me. Then I could get back home and everything would be okay.

"Ran, you don't mean that, do you sweetie?"

He was in front of me. How did he do that? Sweetie? What a silly name. Was it meant to make me like him?

This was scary. My eyes were filling but I wouldn't cry, not in front of a stranger. I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. "Let me go." I said, but the words didn't help. My face was wet and I began t sob. "I don't want to be here. I want to go home."

Gin sighed loudly. "This is not what I expected, and it's not what I was promised."

Someone had promised him something. Adults! Who could understand them? They had sex and babies and expected kids to behave or disappear. I didn't want to be an adult. I wanted to be small and fast, running away from danger and toward my home. Make myself tiny to hide in a place no one would look and I'd be safe. No Gin, no strange old people, and no big bits. So what if I was a Shinigami? How could I fight? I didn't know which end of the blade I had to hit with, or the side, or, it was all too hard.

I'd covered my face now and was rocking back and forth as I cried. Weak. So weak. I should have kicked him in the shins and run past him, but how would I get home? Trapped. I hated being in a place like this.

"Ouch." Something sharp stabbed me in the arm. I opened my eye and saw Gin was holding a needle of some kind. He was trying to kill me. I knew it.

"Why?" I asked panic in my voice. Maybe now I was dying he'd tell me. I'd been scared before but now I was terrified. Dying now, when I didn't know who I was, was wrong.

"I don't want the child. I want the woman."

"You're killing me because I'm a kid?" I shrieked. He was even meaner than I thought.

"Wait," was all he said.

"No!" I started hitting at him. If he'd killed me I wanted to hurt him before I died. He simply put up his arms to protect his face and I tried to hit him harder.

"Enough!" He grabbed me and held me close, keeping my arms by my sides.

Wriggling, I tried to escape. He shouldn't be holding me like this. It was wrong and I didn't want to be this close to him. The more I pulled away the closer he drew me.

Then the pain came. Pain like I'd never felt before. I screamed as I jerked. It hurt so bad. He'd lied. He had killed me and I was dying now. My mouth snapped shut from the pain and I felt the teeth grind together. I was scared they'd break. To stop that I bit at anything nearby.

There was something between my teeth. I didn't know what it was and didn't much care. As the pain built further I screamed around what I was biting, digging my teeth in deeper. Grinding and pulling, sucking at the fluid that was flowing into my mouth. There was no taste, just the pain.

Memory returned. Not slowly, but all at once and I almost fell as all the things I'd forgotten came flooding back.

I stopped biting whatever it was as the pain subsided and then pushed at the arms surrounding me, but didn't manage to escape. I could taste blood in my mouth and touched my fingers to my lips. Red stained my flesh and I quickly wiped my mouth. I'd been swallowing Gin's blood.

I threw up. As soon as I realised what I'd been swallowing, my stomach convulsed and wouldn't let the blood remain. Red splattered his already bloody clothes as I retched over and over, my body bowing from the need to remove all that liquid. The wound on his shoulder was covered with the blood I'd sucked from it. Disgusted, I tried to stop, but couldn't. My body rejected him completely and in all ways.

When I finished emptying my stomach, I pushed him away, or he let me go. He'd always hated the unnecessary messy parts of life, unless he was responsible for causing them. I'd bitten him, hit him, hurt him. The last time I'd done that he'd tried to rape me and then with Aizen's help beaten me until I nearly died, or I think that was what I remembered. Maybe Aizen had beaten me? I didn't like thinking about it.

With a disgusted look on his face, Gin stripped off the coat that was spattered with blood and vomit, throwing it on the floor. Crossing to the chair he sat, and stared at me. At least, I thought he stared at me. It was hard to tell as I couldn't see his eyes. He seemed to be looking in my direction, but that meant nothing.

No matter who had beaten me then, I'd hurt Gin now. Throwing up over him would not have endeared me to him and he hated being bested. Retaliation was normally swift and I waited for the beating. He'd shown he was capable of hitting, hurting and attempting to kill me the last time I was here and I'd bitten him, punched him and slapped him many times. Gin believed in vengeance and was quite prepared to be pre-emptive about it.

Again I prepared for death. This was getting old, fast. If I died, people might stop trying to kill me. Then again, with my track record, why would my death prevent them? Maybe crazy Kurotsuchi would find a way to bring me back so he could kill me once more, for fun. Then again so Aizen could kill me.

Nothing happened. Why didn't Gin hit me? I'd braced, awaiting the blow that didn't connect. I was still waiting.

As I dragged my sleeve over my open mouth once more to remove the taste of Gin's blood,I sadly thought of my husband. I'd completely forgotten him again. Zaraki probably knew I'd been taken once more. It was absurd. Abduct, and try to kill, or try to kill and abduct. I only wanted to have an uninterrupted honeymoon and set up home with Zaraki while preparing for the birth of our child. This man was my past and I preferred my present and future.

Gin still hadn't moved any closer but I could feel him watching me. What was he planning this time? Would it be a slow, tortuous retribution for my attacks on him, or were words going to be his initial weapons to be later followed by physical assault?

I'd had an important thought and ignored it while worrying about forthcoming pain. I'd forgotten about our child. No. I refused to die. Our child had to be born; I'd promised Zaraki and Yachiru. Retsu's child would need a playmate as would Captain Kuchiki's and Isane's and my Captain's. I wanted to hold Zaraki's baby in my arms and look into the face that would grow dear to me. Death was not an option.

Facing Gin was hard, but I did. "Where's Rukia?" He might move fast and beat me down within seconds, but there was no reason not to ask questions until then.

He frowned. "Not a demand to return to your husband?" There was no movement. He remained seated, watching me carefully as if he expected me to attack him any moment. Neither of us seemed to trust the other.

I flinched, but tried to pretend I hadn't. "Where is Rukia?"

"Not here." Voice terse, body tensed. It was only a matter of time before the first blow landed, I was sure of it. He could move very fast and it was doubtful I'd manage to evade him for long.

Great. He was once more going to make me work for an answer. "I can see she's not here."

"She wasn't taken. Given a letter to deliver, but she's safe."

A small amount of relief broke through the fear. It mattered less that I was here, as long as she was safe. She'd suffered enough.

"Let me go. I want to go back to my husband." There might be harm in asking, but there would be harm even if I didn't.

"No."

I expected the answer but all the same, a small sliver of hope had existed. Moving to the mirror I tried to tidy up. A washbasin was near and I washed my face and rinsed my mouth. Then I dabbed at the blood on my uniform. It was a hopeless task. So much blood.

"You're still a fun date," Gin said wryly when I paused.

A date? This was nothing like any date I'd been on. Most dates didn't contain violence, memory loss and bloodshed, or maybe my dating experience was too limited. Then again, I was in no position to ever try dating again and resented the comment.

"This isn't a date," I said firmly. "This is an abduction."

* * *

A.N.

_Soundtrack_

'One Way or Another' Blondie

'Bad Chemistry' Apollo 440

'Smooth Criminal' Michael Jackson

'In Memory' Orion Riders

Thanks to Viva la Viveca, Teldra, Animelover6000, BlkAnzGrl, Zlorecile and Rain de Leon for the reviews. It is not normally my style to say thanks, but I just ate pizza and I'm feeling mellow.

Yeah, delays are inevitable for some reason. Giving up sleep is not an option.


	40. The Date

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for Arai and a few other random OC's invented to move the plot along._

**The Date**

Gin laughed.

I'd guessed he would, but hated him for doing so. Other people's pain never seemed to trouble him. Even though Zaraki might lose his temper with me, he never completely dismissed my words or advice. Not completely. He'd make jokes about it or argue with me, or distract me. If I was talking about sex he was ready to listen until he decided to participate rather than talk about it. Thinking about some of his actions made me press my thighs together. I wanted to be out of this room and back in his arms.

"Of course this is a date, Ran. During our time together I'll convince you to leave the Thug and return to me." Confidently, he stretched out his legs and relaxed into the embrace of the chair.

After my passing thoughts of making love with Zaraki his suggestion seemed ridiculous. I pushed the erotic images and lingering sensations to the back of my mind, deciding that permitting any indication of arousal may be noted and misinterpreted. "What's so appealing about a man covered with vomit and blood?" He jerked back, stunned at my words and before he could say anything I continued. "Or a man who nearly kills you? Or a former lover who tries to rape you? Or a man prepared to let his friend rape a woman he supposedly loves and cares for? Do you imagine I'd come back to the sadistic person who's taken me twice from the man I love? Do you really think I will return to you?"

The tears I'd shed earlier were a nuisance. If I'd cried once in a day, I was more easily moved to tears for the rest of the day and the previous emotional storm was contributing to my feeling of fear and unease.

The recent awakening and loss of memory was one of the worst I could remember. The other occasions Zaraki had been there, holding me, making love to me, and then getting annoyed. His anger was only an indication of his concern and irritation that I'd forgotten him. I hated forgetting him. The joy I'd felt each time when I finally remembered he loved me wasn't worth the pain, but did serve to remind me of how my life had become so small and predicable before I'd interrupted his bath.

These thoughts only persisted in pointing out the fears I was trying to suppress. The injections were only temporary cures and each time I forgot, I kept regressing and becoming younger. What would happen if I regressed too far? Was it possible I'd return to an infant state, unable to speak or reason? Would I forget even more and return to a time before I had arrived in Soul Society, in the twilight world between death in the human world and my incarnation here. If that happened, would I die? I wanted to stop forgetting. I wanted to be with Zaraki. I wanted everything to return to normal. I was unsure what was top of my list of wishes.

So many hopes or wishes. And end to abductions; being scared; regressing and forgetting; watching relationships implode; those injections which caused pain: being alone in a room with Gin; being separated from Zaraki... I gave up. There were too many to bother listing after the main ones.

Top of the list was to be with Zaraki, forever. That was certain, but the others were up there too.

"Ran, you're tired and upset. I know that you can be unreasonable at times, but I'm prepared to overlook it, for now."

Gin's voice broke through my thoughts and startled, I stared at him. Last time I'd been abducted, he'd acted like a complete rat bastard toward me, preparing to hand me over to Aizen or demanding my complete submission. He wasn't asking for submission now, but had adopted an understanding, almost jovial tone. He'd slapped me when I bit him, and it had hurt, but I knew from past experience the slap could have been much harder and it was only one. Usually there were more. Instead of beating me to the ground for biting him, or slapping me repeatedly for my insults, he'd almost been kind, aside from the slap. And the teasing. And the lying. When I punched at him, he'd held me to stop my fists from connecting and not responded with violence. It reminded me of the early days, shortly after we met when he was interested and gentle in response to my sharp fear and distrust. For some reason he wasn't trying to beat me, rape me or kill me. What had changed? All the same I wasn't being unreasonable. I'd been abducted, again. Did he expect me to be pleased? Sing a song about the joys of abduction? Do a little dance?

"What's happened to you?" I may as well obtain one answer at a time. At least it might change the subject away from my romantic dreams about Zaraki.

"It's okay," he said in his most soothing voice. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'll stay here until you calm down and then we'll talk."

Rising from the chair he went toward the basin, removed his stained garments, throwing them on the ground and washed off as much of the blood and other mess as possible from his skin. Permitting me to see his torso was a mistake as I immediately compared his frame with Zaraki's, which only confirmed what I already knew. I'm sure some women would find Gin attractive, I once had, but that was years previously.

As he washed his shoulder, he let out a slight hiss of pain. I could see the wound. It was ragged and deep and the washing was causing it to bleed once more. The hand I'd bitten suffered much less damage, but looked sore and swollen. Seeing these did not inspire me with guilt or any negative emotion as it normally might.

"I'd forgotten how deeply you bite when you're scared. It hurts."

A few memories of the rare occasions I'd bitten him in the early days returned. Any time he'd tried to touch me I'd bared my teeth at him. He quickly learnt that I would bite when I felt threatened and close proximity with people was one of my greatest fears.

This time it had been my intention to hurt him as much as possible, or to do something to distract me from the pain. Why did the antidote have to hurt so much? The memories often hurt, but the physical effects seemed unnecessarily excruciating. I wondered who had designed the cure as it seemed unlikely that Retsu would develop an remedy that was only partially effective while causing the patient to be wracked by agony. She didn't seem to delight in witnessing the suffering of others, but didn't all doctors have to watch patients suffer? Did some of them enter the medical profession as it was a method of disguising their perverted interest in watching patients experience pain and the fear of impending death?

Why did Gin have the antidote and how? What had he been promised? It was almost like he expected me to be in a regressed state and had the antidote ready in case it was needed. Why? How had he known? Only my Captain, Retsu, Hanatoro, Isane and Zaraki knew about it. None of those people would have told Gin. None...

I gulped. A condition that made a person forget and an antidote that caused extreme pain. Suddenly I realised I regressed only when I'd slept after making love with Zaraki, except for the first time. The first time I'd forgotten was after I'd been abducted previously and Retsu had the antidote prepared. Was Retsu a traitor? All this time, had she been spying for Aizen and the others? Was that why she had conveniently failed to notice that it wasn't his body when he faked his death? Had she been keeping Momo in a coma so she wouldn't reveal the events that had occurred?

Sex with Zaraki, followed by sleep was the formula for memory loss. How could that even be possible? It was the most stupid idea I'd had and it couldn't be true. Sex couldn't do anything except bring pleasure, or if done badly, boredom or even pain. It couldn't make you forget everything and regress to an earlier age.

I didn't want to believe any of this, but the facts seemed to fit. Did Retsu hate me and had developed a remedy which was only cured the immediate problem while causing unbearable pain? She was pregnant, but not to Zaraki. Was she jealous of my relationship with him? Was she the person who had assisted Gin in the Seireitei?

I recalled her visit after I'd argued publicly with Zaraki in front of the Captains because of the slurs that the slug man had cast at me. She had seemed very intent on making me see how much I loved my husband, but had that been an act? All the words now seemed designed to make me accept a passive role in the relationship; to forgive all injustices out of love. I'd done that once before and sworn never to act in such a foolish manner again.

These thoughts were making me very uncomfortable. Maybe I wasn't really pregnant. It was a lie to make me feel more on guard, but also more vulnerable. If I thought I was pregnant any fight would be tempered by that awareness and may either add to my abilities or severely hamper them. How would I react?

Thinking of Retsu as a traitor made me feel unsettled and off centre. But anyone could pretend to be something they weren't. Ichigo constantly pretended he was mature and brave. Rukia tried badly to pretend she didn't care what her brother thought. Captain Kuchiki tried to pretend he was impervious to feelings. Toshiro tried to pretend he was older and more mature than me. While one of them might be correct, he was still years younger than I. Captain Fong tried to pretend she was indifferent to everyone.

I'd pretended the rape hadn't happened.

The pretence hadn't worked but I had then gone on to pretend my world hadn't been shattered and broken by two men. Pretending so hard to myself and others but few had believed the facade because pretence didn't come to me naturally. All the time I pretended I'd miserably relived the dreadful memories. It hadn't ended until other men helped me heal. I owed Renji deeply and felt guilty about helping Rukia rather than helping him. At the same time, he would have hated being married to a woman who didn't love him and wished to be with another man. If the marriage had occurred Rukia and Renji would have ended up hating each other.

Clinging to that hope was a distraction from the current unpleasant reality. Shut in a room with Gin who acted in a manner I could only dimly recognise, fear threaded through every thought as I waited for the monster to once more show his face as I was once more sentenced to a painful and humiliating death. Would he try to force sex on me again, or would he be content with humiliating me before causing my death by whichever means he'd selected?

While worrying about those issues, I was trying to block out my suspicions about Retsu. I liked her and trusted her. She had always shown compassion and care, but Aizen had seemed like a caring person too, until I found out what he was really like. Did each Captain wear a mask that hid their true purpose? Gin's perpetual smile had been more effective than a blank expression in proving his indifference to me. Were Retsu's kind smiles and words a carefully constructed facade to hide her desire for power and hatred for all Shinigami?

Zaraki said I'd been dying and he'd urged her to try something new. Had her actions been hastening my death and only his insistence had saved me from her careful plans? If he hadn't been watching might I have died without ever speaking to Zaraki again? I gasped softly as other events seemed to support my fear. Retsu was working with the traitors; it wasn't the 12th Division Captain, though it seemed too hard to believe he was innocent or even attempting to help anyone except his own ambition. Could this new idea be correct, or was it a side effect of the drug Gin had administered. Until now I'd never had cause or reason to doubt Retsu. She always appeared the most honest and fair of any of the Captains.

My teeth clenched with the recall of how Aizen had appeared above approach, always smiling, kind and gentle until he believed he had the upper hand or could act without anyone suspecting he was planning the betrayal of everyone he'd worked with, trained and pretended friendship with. Could she be another such as he? She was one of the longest serving Shinigami of a Division which received more scorn and derision than any of the others. After the centuries, perhaps she had tired of being considerate of others and wished now to claim something for herself. Reason shouted at me to put these thoughts aside as there could be no basis for these suspicions.

"Who are you doubting now, Ran? Which person has attracted your attention?" Gin's quiet question was loud in the silence of the room and shocked me from my increasingly upsetting thoughts. He'd replaced the discarded clothing while I'd been lost in thought, but I only noticed in an abstracted way.

His words startled me and I turned my questioning gaze upon him. What did he mean?

"You began doubting me within weeks of meeting me. You didn't trust me from the beginning and I didn't try to change your mind," he laughed bitterly. "This wasn't meant to happen."

Shaking my head I tried to reject what he'd said. How could I trust someone who always walked away? Who kept secrets and didn't even bother making excuses? He'd saved me and I'd loved him. Loved him with every breath even when he turned his back and left me again and again. It may not be the same love that I felt for my husband, but the love had been tempered with disappointment, regret, resentment and fear. Those conflicting emotions could only diminish love over time or make it seem less real and reliable. Now I was faced with a man who seemed stripped of all the pretence I had come to associate with Gin. I no longer loved him with the same passion and devotion, that wasn't possible with the bitter history between us and the acts that smacked more of hatred than love, but a trace remained, like the departing scent of dried lavender. The spectre of the love hovered between us forcing me to be candid.

"How could I trust you? And you gave me reason to doubt you," I pointed out more gently than the words indicated.

"I was trying to protect you." The simple, stark words caused the room to appear to ripple around me.

"Protect me? You nearly destroyed me!" I finally said once the shock had passed. The heartache I'd experienced when he rejected my love and deserted me had passed, but not the memory. It was so hard for me to believe his words. He hadn't helped me when Aizen raped me. There had been the desertion once the mangled facts were presented to him by his former captain and I had been forced into becoming that pitiful person who shuddered from the touch of another. The recent events in Hueco Mundo indicated more desire for my death rather than any form of care.

"You abducted me..." I began and then stopped. He knew what he'd done and thinking about it made me fear the next act.

Yet, he had offered me no harm since I'd woken aside from the slap. There had been indications of care and even concern.

"Ran, I can't change the past." His spoke without the usual mockery.

"But... but you can make me forget it." Had I stumbled on the truth? Some of the things he'd said when I was in the middle of memory loss made sense. The thing about wanting the woman, not the child. Did that mean he'd changed his mind and decided that he preferred me fully grown to the petulant child who didn't remember the harm and betrayal? A child who was a mix between innocence and knowledge of the cruelty of the world, but who could not return adult love would be distasteful. Was it his idea but then he didn't like the reality which was not a true reversion to the person I'd been, but a scattered collection of imperfect memories?

Retsu was working with Gin! That could be the only explanation. He wanted me to forget all the events which had torn us apart and managed to convince Retsu to help him. It was the only possible explanation. Gin still wanted me, but had hoped to regain the person who trusted him and loved him without question, but the only way to make me revert to those emotions was to remove all the memories and feelings which had forced me to become a Shinigami, Toshiro's lieutenant and Zaraki's wife. Also it removed all the experiences which had formed my vision of the world and the way I acted and reacted to each situation. Under the influence of the drug, I wasn't me. The memories did not completely depart, nor did the emotions and it would be hard to function in normal life with the memories stripped from me. The subdued fear of becoming too young to speak or understand what was happening continued to hover at the back of my mind.

Retsu wasn't my friend.

The wave of hurt that I experienced made me sag. It appeared that all my beliefs were being questioned and that truth was a matter of debate and facts could be altered according to the time of day and the number of flowers blossoming for all I knew. Retsu wasn't my friend, Gin was acting in a manner I didn't recognise and I was separated from Zaraki. Did Zaraki even love me? Was everything I'd experience a massive conspiracy to take me to the highs and then drag me as low as possible?

"Ran, we need to talk." Gin was again interrupting my thoughts.

"I hate it when anyone says that," I responded automatically. It seemed a dumb statement because obviously one person was talking. Yes, it drew the attention to the person speaking and made it appear they were serious, but in my experience, what followed was usually more unpleasant for the person to whom the words were uttered. A survey of the room, looking for an exit so listening to whatever he had to say might be prevented, revealed it hadn't changed since I'd first looked at it. Walls, white. Window, one. Door, shut and probably locked. Gin, present. Bed absent. No bed. Odd. A table, some chairs and a lounge. A lounge could serve instead of a bed and I remembered a few occasions when it had.

My mind wandered into a small fantasy about Zaraki, me and a lounge. It was beginning to get interesting when Gin placed his hands on my shoulders and the touch made the nice little daydream fade away and roused a feeling of revulsion. I didn't want him to touch me.

"Don't," I said as my hands pushed him away.

"You like it when I touch you," he asserted with his usual assurance.

Sighing, I shook my head. "Once I did. Don't touch me again, Gin. The time is past and anything I felt for you is a memory."

"A few short weeks, Ran. Days really, and you've changed. The Thug is a bad influence," he said lightly.

I laughed. Zaraki a bad influence? Showing me that love, marriage, friendship, good sex and respect were possible between a man and a woman was a bad influence? "Yes, obviously a very bad influence," I replied mockingly.

"He's changed you. You weren't like this before." His tone indicated disquiet and wry amusement.

"Life changes us all," the words were out of my mouth before I knew I was saying them. "You changed after you met Aizen."

Instead of replying he simply nodded. Agreement? He agreed Aizen had changed him into a person I had trouble recognising?

This must be a dream/nightmare. In the worst moments of my despair over Gin I'd allowed my mind to present a situation similar to this. A time where Gin appeared to care for me more than power and admitted the break in our relationship was due to him, rather than me. Now it was happening, but at a time when there was no hope of re-establishing anything between us. Recent events made trusting Gin impossible and there was the small matter of my marriage and love for my husband.

"Yes, meeting Aizen changed me. It changed you too," he pointed out.

"Neither change for the better," I retorted. "I like the way I've changed since being with Zaraki, except for the memory loss."

Did his smile become noticeably wider.

"What do you know about it, Gin? You can tell me. It might help me to begin to trust you again." Changing my tactics, I asked the question in a soft voice. He'd said he didn't like the way I'd changed, so if I tried pandering to his idea of how I once was, I might receive the answer I wanted. I was lying about trusting him, and I was bad at lying. There was a chance he might notice.

"I don't know anything," he replied quickly. Gin was far better at lying than I, but it was obvious he was doing so now.

I pouted slightly as I pushed my hair back over my shoulders and stood straight. He gaze roamed reflectively over my figure and lowering my voice further and adding a little huskiness to it I tried again. "I'd be so grateful if you'd tell me Gin. Forgetting things makes me nervous and I don't enjoy biting you."

"Ran, you're as charmin' as ever. The biting isn't my best memory of this time together." He frowned, apparently trying to work out what he could tell me and the benefit it would reap.

"Please Gin," moving close I looked up at him pleadingly. Being closer to him made me feel uncomfortable, but if I received my answer it would be worth it.

"It wasn't me," he said.

I'd never thought it was him. I'd guessed he might be involved, but only since I'd encountered him on this occasion. As the episodes had only begun after my treatment, it seemed obvious it might be the cause, but now there was another possibility.

"Did it happen here?" It was a struggle to keep my voice gentle.

A single nod.

Something had happened while I was here last time. Then I recalled Retsu had been with Zaraki and had given me something before our return to the Seireitei. It was Retsu! The sob that rose in my throat was suppressed and I took a deep breath.

This was foolishness! Why did I immediately suspect Retsu? Gin, Orihime, Aizen had all had contact with me, as had the green eyed Arrancar, Zaraki and the rest of the rescue party. Also I had been unconscious for some time when I'd been beaten. Something could have been given to me at that time. I avoided thinking about it until now. Stripping and beating someone nearly to death when they were unconscious, was the act of a sadist and from the conversation I remembered, Gin had participated.

"Who? I mean who was responsible?" I stepped a little closer, even though I didn't wish to, it seemed wiser. "Was it Aizen?"

"Aizen is clever, but he didn't create the stuff you were given."

That only told me that he might have administered whatever it was. The person who created it must also have the antidote. If Zaraki were told, the antidote was as good as mine. I was going to take a gamble. "Did Captain Unohana create it?"

Gin simply smiled at me. This time it wasn't possible to read his expression. The smile could mean I was right, or far from correct.

I was going to have to do something more. Before I could think of what might work, Gin spoke.

"I'll tell you, Ran, but only if you do something for me."

The words were half expected but unwelcome. Gin liked to receive some form of payment. When we were together it had added a little spice to our relationship, but now the idea of what he might request made me uneasy.

Through lips stiffened by fright, I asked, "What is the something?" all the while dreading the answer.

He moved his face inches from mine, his eyes still closed, but I imagined they were staring into mine. "Kiss me. Willingly."

While the thought of doing so revolted me, I appreciated the payment might be considerably higher, like sex, divorcing Zaraki or joining the traitors.

Kissing Gin. Letting his lips press against mine. I thought it was possible. But if he used his tongue? No. No tongue.

I'd have to tell Zaraki I'd kissed Gin. While it showed a lack of common sense to do so, it proved I was fulfilling my promise of honesty. He might kill Gin. What was I thinking? He desired nothing more than to kill Gin and Aizen in some gory, painful and lingering manner. And Tosen. Why did I forget about former Captain Tosen so readily?

Gin's face was still close to mine. To provide some space, I stepped back. "I'm married, Gin. I kiss my husband."

My former lover pantomimed looking around the room. "I fail to see the relevance of your marriage as the Thug isn't here. One kiss, Ran. You kissed me in the past, often. There were times I had to tell you to stop kissing me.'

Anger made my face flame.

"I was teasing you each time," he quickly added. "Teasing my pretty poppet to make the colour flare in your skin."

Was it true? Did it matter? "I see," was all the reply I offered.

"Well, Ran. What is your answer. This is a limited and once only offer. One kiss and I tell you."

* * *

A.N.

I have to retract my comment about Beyonce as I am using one of her songs for the Soundtrack. You can probably see why it is appropriate to the story.

Yeah, the delay. It was out of my hands. Family problems snowballed and if any more emerge I might disown my family.

Soundtrack

'Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)' Beyonce.

'Bizarre Love Triangle (the Crystal Method Csii Mix)' The Crystal Method

'Shout and Bites' Versailles

'Hounds of Love' Kate Bush

Oh, yeah, thanks for the reviews.

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	41. The Dance

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**The Dance**

Was the information worth a kiss?

One problem that hovered at the back of my mind was a kiss with Gin usually led somewhere, or had in the dim distant past. While my stomach revolted at the idea of his tongue in my mouth, having sex with him was something I didn't wish to think about.

No information was worth sex with Gin, or Aizen or anyone. Sex was with Zaraki. There was no other man who was worth my time.

Frantically I tried to think. I didn't want to kiss his lips, his forehead, nose, cheeks or eyelids; in fact no part of his face. Or torso. Or limbs. Or hands. Or feet. I didn't want to kiss Gin, at all. Not even in memory of our one time friendship and love. A hot and cold sensation ran through me as I considered any of type of kiss with the man and I had to fight my distaste. Once I'd begged him for kisses and now didn't want to touch him with my mouth. The change in my life was almost complete.

Was there a way to kiss without using lips? Butterfly kisses with my eyelashes would bring my face too close to his.

I kept thinking, trying to remember something about kissing. Something I'd heard in the human world, but it eluded me.

I studied Gin. He was looking in my direction and the smile on his face proved he enjoyed my perplexity. And he was confident. The way he stood, everything about him indicated he was sure I would kiss him for information. How little he knew the person I'd become.

Why did he want a kiss? He could hold me and kiss me, and while I would fight back, he would still be kissing me, yet he seemed to want a consensual kiss. If I kissed him willingly, it might be seen as a sign of acceptance.

Until now I'd never considered the politics of kissing. The first time I'd had sex with Zaraki, we hadn't kissed. He didn't kiss me until he wanted me to ask him for sex. Until now, I hadn't thought of it as anything strange, but now it seemed unusual. Almost as if the kiss was a reward for pleasuring him, or yet another way of proving his claim.

Dragging my mind back to the present, even though that past was a more enjoyable place to dwell, I decided to ask a question. "Why do you want me to kiss you?"

Knowing Gin as well as I did alerted me to the subtle shift in his stance. There was a reason, or many reasons behind the demand.

"No reason. Only an idle fancy, Rangiku."

He was a master at lying, but this time failed to convince me.

"Why do you want me to kiss you?"

Raising his eyebrows he laughed lightly. "Persistent. The persistence doesn't appeal to me, at all. I rescued you just in time."

Abduction was now being rewritten as rescue. Gin always had a way to spin the words and make it seem his action was reasonable. A date, a rescue; renaming my capture and imprisonment as something benign instead of the crime it was. It made sense in some ways he joined with Aizen. Instead of viewing the events as the actions of traitors who betrayed all the Shinigami edicts, he may have chosen to see them as heroes preparing to bring a much needed change to decaying tradition.

Or he enjoyed the secrecy and planning.

His enjoyment of playing games was well known to me, but the betrayal had been unexpected. Had he been involved in the conspiracy even when we were together? Had some of our time together been coloured by his knowledge that it was temporary, or didn't he care? Gin always had a tendency to live in the moment, not planning for the future. Another reason why he would take the food and disappear for days leaving me to handle the consequences.

Avoiding answering his demand for a kiss wouldn't work for long.

"An answer, Rangiku?"

Kissing him was unavoidable and unacceptable. I needed the answer. Losing faith in Retsu caused pain which might be unnecessary if he told me the real traitor. What if Retsu was the traitor? It was unlikely I'd be permitted to leave and accuse her or help the small team of Shinigami sent here to rescue Orihime.

Permitted? A strange fancy, certainly. I had to escape. Zaraki and others may have rescued me the last time yet relying on others to help and protect me made me feel weak. This time it was my turn to gain freedom and turn the tables.

An idea was hovering at the back of my mind. Words I'd barely registered when I was attending some class while in the human world. I'd been giggling with Yumichika about Ichigo leaning back and then falling off a chair, all the while trying to appear cool. Orihime had immediately run to his side to help him to his feet, while the rest of us laughed. The boy tried so hard to appear mature, but it wasn't possible for him to conceal what he really was. An adolescent boy with an ego to match the size of his blade.

The class had been about some old story where two teenagers met and fell in love with each other after a few minutes. Not easy to believe their families were deadly enemies so they were obviously wrong for each other but didn't care. The part of the story which I was trying to recall concerned how she avoided kissing him while they danced. So coy at the party where they'd met, even though she married him later.

"I will kiss you, but in a way I've never kissed you before."

Gin at first looked astonished, and then pleased. He was possibly imagining some wild, passionate embrace which was almost as good as sex, or something else, which I did not wish to consider. Not with him, not with any man, except one.

Loving someone as much as I loved Zaraki meant that any previous boundaries were stretched further than I'd ever contemplated regarding sex. Never had I wanted sex so desperately with a man. I'd never yearned for a man's touch or been prepared to have sex at any opportunity, knowing we would both obtain pleasure from each other.

My thoughts always strayed in my husband's direction.

"Close your eyes and hold up your hand," I instructed.

"Holding up my hand? Which one?" Gin seemed curious.

Which hand had it been? I couldn't remember and decided it didn't matter. Gin might not know the reference and it might require explanation, or I could simply repeat the words the girl had said.

"Your left hand. Hold up your left hand and close your eyes." It was difficult to keep my voice steady, even though this was serious; I had an overwhelming desire to giggle. "Are your eyes closed?"

"Eyes closed," he said.

Moving close I placed my palm against his, while reciting, "Palm to palm is Holy Palmer's Kiss."

I held the contact for a few seconds and then moved away. "I've kissed you in a way I've never kissed you before. My part of the bargain is done."

No matter how he tried, Gin couldn't prevent the look of incredulity from crossing his face. Then his mouth turned up in his usual smile and he nodded. "Rangiku, you've surprised me."

Did that mean he understood the reference?

"Words, hundreds of years old," he chuckled gently and indulgently. "But you cannot deny you kissed me, willingly."

While it was true, in a fashion, could anyone misinterpret the action? Yes, given the right circumstances and description it might seem like a loving gesture and a kiss. I'd explain everything to Zaraki when I saw him, if I ever saw him again. The thought made my spirits plummet but I refused to permit depression to become my dominant emotion. Thinking that way was the worst possible reaction. It was essential I remained convinced there was a way to change this situation to my advantage.

"Who is it Gin? Is it Retsu?" Ignoring his words might diffuse the underlying threat.

He returned to his seat and negligently crossed one leg over the other and crossed his arms, leaning his body to the left side slightly. The position alerted me to his annoyance at either my questioning or the kiss, or rather the lack of kissing.

Then he sighed. "It's not Unohana, the saint of the Seireitei, even though she's a lecherous saint. You know she and Zaraki were hot and heavy for a long time."

"You told me about it before, remember?" Then it dawned on me he was doing exactly the same thing I had done. Distraction by throwing in a nugget of information that might prove to be more interesting than the question I wished answered. Even so, I noticed my shoulders and neck relaxed significantly as the import of his words filtered through. Retsu was innocent and not working with the traitors.

Was Gin lying?

"It's the truth. Rangiku, you won fairly, much as I hate to admit it. You received an honest answer and with your obvious paranoia I'm sure you know who the traitor really is."

"Slug breath," I half whispered.

Gin laughed again, this time with genuine amusement. "Can't say I've gotten close enough to notice. The pink one's contribution?"

I nodded. It wasn't an answer so I asked again. "Is it the 12th Division Captain?"

"He's proved invaluable to all of us."

There was a deeper meaning to his words. He almost sounded grateful to the man and I wondered why. All I felt when I thought of him was disgust, anger, hatred and a fierce need for revenge.

"I'm certain he has," was my stony reply.

"Why so cold, Rangiku? Smarting at being separated from the Thug?"

In the back of my mind I'd been brooding over the loss of my child. While I was pregnant with another the loss of the first hurt and I blamed Gin. It was affecting the way I spoke to him and increased my desire to escape his presence before I blurted everything out. Did he know? Had he deliberately killed my baby by forcing Orihime to heal me?

"Yes. I want to return to my husband."

"But I don't want you to return to your husband," his mimicry was as expert as ever. "I want you to stay here and love me as you did."

Stung, I replied quickly. "I can't love you like that ever again. You made me lose my baby!" I knew it. As soon as I consciously thought something, the words streamed out of my mouth and hung there in the air. I'd yelled the words loudly, almost screaming with the frustration and anger boiling within me at the things that had been done to me. He was part of the disease, poisoning my life.

Did he shrug? Did he hear my words? I felt dizzy and disorientated with lingering nausea. The last, now becoming a constant companion, joined with the others, and forced me close my eyes briefly.

On opening my eyes the room shimmered; the walls expanded and two staircases rose at either side of the room, while a host of white clad Arrancar filed down the stairs, carefully matching their steps to unexpected music: a guitar, tambourine and drum. Where was the music coming from? Curtains appeared, suspended from somewhere and the lighting changed, becoming brighter and more intrusive.

What the hell was happening? The day was making less and less sense.

Any day without Zaraki made no sense to me. Once it had been Gin whose presence made sense of my life. How needy had I been?

Gin stood, kicking the chair away, which promptly vanished, and moved toward me, holding out his hands, singing. As much as was possible I ignored his outstretched hands and placing mine behind my back firmly.

Then it struck me. Singing? Gin didn't normally sing! It didn't sound like his voice, the loss of accent and it was deeper with a better range than I thought he possessed. The Arrancar weren't going to dance, were they?

"Well you're smouldering with fly words

Catch the moment on the run.

And you say there's nothin' easy

About the plywood tract you're from."

I shook my head and blinked my eyes rapidly as denial filtered through my mind. The Arrancar were not standing behind Gin moving in unison from side to side, sliding their feet along the floor as they swayed gently. They were not dancing! Why would they dance? They preferred to kill Shinigami and increase their power, not dance. Some were smiling, which was just wrong.

I rubbed my eyes. Why ignore the truth? The Arrancar were dancing, and quite neatly too. Gin was singing and making a few minor moves which might be judged as dancing also.

This was the final proof I had officially gone insane. My poor baby was either not going to survive, or be taken from me as soon as he or she was born. Zaraki might have no choice but to send me to the Maggot's Nest as I might never be able to discern reality from these peculiar events. This was not happening.

The Arrancar were gliding smoothly lifting and dipping their heads and hands as Gin continued singing. Formation dancing, with perfect timing and rhythm. Who had taught them to move so well? Was it part of their training which differed from the Shinigami training?

Even though I'd fought them and even interacted with the Arrancar in the human world, I didn't know much about them. Dancing was a physical exercise and might help with fighting.

I'd missed some of the words Gin was singing, but now the Arrancar were wagging their fingers at me sternly while the other hand moved jerkily in a sideways sliding motion as Gin sang:

"So you say you lost your baby,

Do you know that you're the one?"

I wanted to sink to the floor, no crawl through it to a safe place and where it all made sense. Did everyone in Hueco Mundo know I'd lost my child when I was last here? Had Gin been planning this all the time I'd been recovering; training the Arrancar to dance while practising his singing? Had I ever seen Gin dance before? As for singing, I'd heard him do so under his breath once or twice, but usually when he thought no one was listening. Had the time spent with the Espada and Arrancar wrought a change in him and encouraged him to undertake new interests? Nothing I knew about him indicated a particular interest in music and dance. Or had Aizen insisted he learn this to taunt and torment me and gain some vicarious pleasure in my pain?

Obviously he'd finished the first verse and I hoped it was over, but they were quickly dashed as he started singing another verse, with no interval. What trials was I watching? Who were the moon trolls? What entrance and why was there a standoff? Nothing he was singing about made any sense until he reached the refrain:

"And you say you lost your baby

Wondering if it's in your life."

I gritted my teeth, waiting for another verse of incomprehensible words with a good backing but the music changed and instead of standing behind Gin, the Arrancar formed complicated patterns where they raced to the stairs and came down them moving between each other and swirling and turning as they passed while 4 clad in long coats stood in the middle spinning around while the rest moved quickly past. It was quite pleasant to watch those with long coats have them fan out behind them as they spun around, but it still made no sense. Gin had never sung to me before, and it hurt that he was singing quite happily about the loss of my child. It was needlessly cruel.

I wanted to move, bury my face in my hands to shut out the sight and sound of this uncharacteristic celebration, but my arms seemed fixed to my sides. My eyes refused to close but remained set on the action, the discomfort quickly changing to a fire burning on my skin and through my mind as I was once more forced to feel the full extent of loss, shame and sadness. I began to hum loudly, hoping to at least obscure the music, but it did not drown out the sound of Gin singing the next verse. It had to be the last verse! At least I hoped it was the last. This singing and dancing about the loss of my baby felt like a punishment for a crime of such evil, but I didn't believe I'd done anything deserving this. Was falling in love with Zaraki breaking the law? Searching my mind, nothing seemed obvious. Had I broken some other unknown law accidentally?

Now he kept repeating that I'd lost my baby and the dancing became more elaborate, with the Arrancar weaving intricate patterns, some of them holding upraised hands and making an arc while others swooped underneath. Gin was now joining with the others, swooping underneath the arc and then turning in a small, tight circle. Perhaps this was nearing the end?

The music changed slightly and I heard an underlying sound which was different to the noise made by the dancing feet and the music. Turning around I noticed an Arrancar sliding toward me on his knees, his arms outstretched and his head back. He stopped a few centimetres from my feet. Stepping back, I turned only to notice another Arrancar doing exactly the same thing. Were they intending to embrace me after they surrounded me? I couldn't back away due to those behind me. Gin was the last, sliding to a stop right in front of me as the music ended.

I shut my eyes, willing it away; deciding that none of it had happened. It might be a fantasy due to the different energy present in this world. Or I had fallen into a dream world without noticing I'd fallen asleep.

"Rangiku. What baby? Was it mine?" Gin's hands were on my shoulders. I jerked away and opened my eyes. There were no Espada or Arrancar, no enlarged room, no music. Only Gin and I, alone in a room which seemed too small to contain the two of us. Being this close to him roused a definite feeling of nausea, the cloying taste of my previous vomiting returned to strengthen the need to retch. It may have been wise that, even while I hadn't been slightly tempted, I had not joined in the dancing. I didn't know the music, the steps and was still trying to forget the words to the song.

"Why did you sing that song? Where are the Arrancar and Espada?"

"Me? Sing? I have no reason to sing." He sounded puzzled. "As for the Arrancar?" He shrugged.

"But you sang a song and the Arrancar danced," I said, the words sounding feeble and stupid even to my ears.

"It didn't happen, Rangiku. We were talking and you shut your eyes for a few moments. You imagined it," he said wrapping his arms around me in a way I remembered. He'd done that when I'd woken from bad dreams, shrieking.

I didn't want his touch and couldn't take comfort from this man. Zaraki. Zaraki would make me laugh and then insist Retsu help me, wouldn't he? The main thought that throbbed through my mind was I didn't want Gin anywhere near me.

"Get away from me. It wasn't your baby. How would that be possible? You always swore you'd never believe any child I had was yours. It was my baby. Mine and Zaraki's." He moved closer and I backed further away. "Any closer and I'll be sick. I mean it, Gin. Stay away."

He stepped back and was quiet for a moment. "Aizen suggested it might have happened. He insisted the girl heal you completely, and I thought it might be a little joke if you woke to find all the bruises gone. "

Once again I received the sense there were other factors behind the words, concealed by the phrasing. Requesting answers might result in further confusion, yet this time the matter required investigation.

"So you could make fresh ones all over my body? You didn't want to confuse my poor little brain with wondering who caused which bruise?" Anger filled my voice. To be healed only to later be beaten and tortured nearly to death while I was unconscious. Strange that I was grateful I'd been unconscious. That dilemma about being grateful I hadn't been aware of their hands on my body while furious it happened, was confusing. Then the words filtered through. "Aizen ordered it? You followed his orders?"

"It suited me," he shrugged.

Unmistakable Gin reasoning. If it didn't inconvenience him or amused him, then Gin appeared to obey orders. If it didn't do either, excuses were made; reasons provided one following another quickly so it took some time to work out that none of them were solid, but fabrications to distract the person making the request, or issuing the order. I wondered how he'd react if one of his subordinates attempted the same tactic. It would be difficult for him not to notice, and punishment might result. It was amusing, in a perverted way, how he had little tolerance for his own failings being present in other people.

Had Aizen guessed I was pregnant? Why did it matter to him?

"What was Aizen's interest?" The words were out of my mouth before my brain could stop my mouth from opening.

For the first time I saw Gin's shoulders sag. This was not the confident, arrogant and amused man I'd known. All the time I'd been in his company on this occasion, his reactions were different. Even the way he spoke was reminiscent of his speech patterns long ago. Possibly Aizen has subjected him to Hollowfication and this was the result.

"I don't know, Rangiku. I never knew the first time, when I found you..." he broke off.

When he found me. All those years ago I'd wondered how I'd ended up in the field with this strange smiling boy looking down at me and offering me food. No matter how much I tried, the memory of why I had walked to the field eluded me, or even how I'd walked there. Fields weren't my usual choice for sleeping as there were few places to hide. When I'd asked Gin what he was doing there, he'd only smiled at me and didn't answer.

"What happened when you found me?"

"I promised to protect you..." again his voice trailed off.

I almost exploded with bitter laughter. My mind quickly ticked off the list of recent events: abducting me, trying to strangle me, assisting in torturing me and nearly raping me. If that was his version of protection, I hated to think how he'd actively try to harm me. "Did you?"

'Haven't you noticed how quickly you heal, Rangiku?"

The question startled me and proved a good way of focusing my thoughts elsewhere. How quickly I healed? What had that to do with anything? I healed like any normal Shinigami or thought I did. In answer I shook my head.

"Anyone else would have died from your injuries, Ran. Unohana, drugs, Zaraki were incidental. You caused your healing."

The man was talking gibberish. I didn't heal quickly. The bite had taken days and days to improve and I couldn't forget how sore I'd become from the sex. "Gin, I think Aizen has been spinning a fantasy. Take over the kingdom, become the most powerful men in the Afterlife, walk on water for all I know. I don't heal faster than anyone else. The bite Orihime removed had been there for days."

"It wasn't a life threatening injury."

Nor had the pain and tenderness from sex been life threatening. Only a pleasure killer.

"I was dying, Gin. The last time I was here you and Aizen tried to kill me." I didn't try to prevent my voice from faltering as I spoke. Of course I didn't recall the time after Zaraki had arrived to save me, the pain had conveniently passed while I was unconscious and I'd recovered because of the medication and Retsu's dedication.

Hadn't I?

"It was a test. Aizen wanted to test you by taking you to the limits it was possible to reach, but I was there the whole time, watching, trying to stop him from taking it too far."

It was another elaborate joke Gin was creating.

"The rape was to drive you to the edge. I didn't want to do it."

That rang false. He'd tried to rape me before Aizen pretended to be Zaraki and met me in the hall after I'd escaped. "Twisting events to make a new truth only works if the other person doesn't know the facts, Gin. You tried to rape me earlier; before Aizen was there." I sighed.

"I didn't want to rape you, either time."

I grabbed a chair and sank into it before I fell. He was admitting the truth? "Gin, what is going on here? Are you really Gin Ichimaru?"

* * *

A.N.

The song Gin Ichimaru 'sings' is 'So You Say You Lost Your Baby'. (See soundtrack below). Listening to the song in my car, the idea of a musical number came to me and made me smile for moments.

Soundtrack

'Lunatico' Gotan Project

'Hands of Love' Wall of Voodoo

'So You Say You Lost Your Baby' Death in Vegas

'Another Version of the Truth' Nine Inch Nails

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.

Happy New Year, I suppose.

And the story Matsumoto remembers from the human world is a rather Spartan version of 'Romeo of Juliet' by William Shakespeare where she gets the ides of the kiss.


	42. The Scientist

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**The Scientist**

"Who else would I be? You've known me for years, Rangiku. Can't you tell it's me?"

He sounded as confused as I felt. It seemed like Gin, but it wasn't Gin, not the man who'd hurt me so badly last time I was here. His voice sounded different, lighter and more amused. Every time we'd talked before he left the Seireitei before the betrayal the mocking tone had always been there, but subdued. Now it was absent.

"You're trying to confuse me. You abducted me, drugged me and then sang to me to make me think I was either dreaming or losing my mind, or both. You got the Arrancar to dance." It was an explanation, not a good one but one that appeared to fit the situation.

"I did not sing." There was a small pause, "or dance. The Arrancar and Espada don't want to obey Aizen and they won't listen to me."

Was it a matter of pride or shame he mentioned the last?

"You did sing, Gin. You sang about me losing my baby. The Espada and Arrancar danced behind you information; you danced. You made it sound like a good thing, but it wasn't. I didn't even know I was pregnant." My voice sounded bad, as if I was complaining.

He folded his arms and looked at me, the smile vanishing from his face as his head tilted to one side. "I didn't know about the pregnancy until you told me. Why would I practice a song when I didn't know the Thug had impregnated you? It'd be a waste of time."

"It happened!" I sounded desperate.

" No, it didn't. You're imagining..." abruptly he stopped and looked at me closely.

Staring back I observed a number of expressions pass over his face and then he turned his head toward the table where he'd placed the kit after he'd injected the memory antidote.

"Side effects?" he wondered aloud.

I felt sick and stupid. He had the antidote to my memory loss which could only be provided by Retsu. She was a traitor after all and not my friend. A friend wouldn't inflict this kind of misery on another; it was the action of an enemy. Zaraki wasn't safe, nor were the other people, some of whom I counted as friends. Were they friends as well, or had they all plotted to join the traitors and were only pretending to be on the opposing side?

"If a man is prepared to assist traitors, how far should you throw him?"

In addition to everything else, Gin was now speaking in riddles. "You want me to throw you somewhere?" In my current condition, even an attempt to pick up Gin was ill advised.

"What are you talking about, Ran? First you accuse me of dancing and now you think I want you to pick me up, but not in any way I'd enjoy." He was smiling, but appeared uneasy.

"You said something about throwing a man who is prepared to assist traitors. What was I meant to think?" Feeling uneasy I wanted something to occupy my hands so picking up the little bag Gin had glanced at earlier, I looked more closely.

Previously the drugs hadn't interested me, while I knew they should. While they returned my memory they caused great pain and were only a temporary solution. Then I noticed some written instructions, but not in Retsu's handwriting. This was written by another hand and the initials M.K. made everything clear. My suspicions were confirmed but how did he know the about the problem and the drug that returned the memory? 1 was being added to 1 and while the resulting solution brought a mixture of relief, concern and fear there was more information required. I'd thought it for so long, wondered, picked at the fear as if it were a scabby scar.

If I were honest the feeling had more in common with the combined fear of pain and anticipation of relief when finally piercing the head of a particularly large boil. The boil prevented any enjoyment, caused localised fever, but knowing the intense pain which would be caused by attempting to remove the pus always put off the evil moment. I'd known, I think many people guessed, but if I asked, then while there would be pain, there would be relief.

"Kurotsuchi is working with Aizen?" It was the essential question.

"Come Ran. I thought you'd worked it out by now. I gave you enough hints." His smile was gently teasing, but his tone was serious.

"How long?" My heart thudded heavily. So many things which I'd ignored or tried not to think about might be now explained.

He shifted his weight. It was almost imperceptible, but knowing the man as well as I did, it indicated he didn't wish to answer.

"That long?"

"What do you mean? I didn't sa...," he stopped and recovered. "Before Sosuke became a Captain."

The honesty was amazing. It was nice to be amazed instead of mazed by Gin, but so many questions remained unanswered.

"As soon as he was released from the Maggot's Nest? He's been working with Aizen that long?" I don't why I was surprised. It explained so much which until now had been unclear. Following the thoughts took too long. I wanted answers, now.

Even as I began to ask the next question, the answer was clear, but the confirmation was necessary. "Why does he know the formula for this?"

Gin twitched as if the question hurt him but didn't answer.

"Why, Gin?" Instead of raising my voice, I simply asked the question again.

"Do you need to ask?"

Yes, I did need to ask. I needed to know what had been happening to me and why. The real reason instead of all the crap about my supposed 'self healing' abilities.

"Former Captain Ichimaru, what was done to me?'

He shrugged and appeared calm, but it was hard to accept he was as he appeared.

Rising, I picked up the needle he'd used on me and refilled it from the bottle I saw. "Gin, would you like me to give you a taste of this?"

Instead of backing away as I expected, he simply stood there. "You won't hurt me. When you were here last you had the chance to kill me, but didn't."

"Before I knew my baby was dead. It was before you let Aizen try to rape and kill me. Before I nearly died and had memories taken from me. My baby...my baby..." I tried to mimic his pretend calm but my voice got away from me and I was nearly shrieking by the time I stopped speaking. "Tell me."

"We let the Thug rescue you and escape."

I shook my head. It wasn't true. I had been told about the trouble the rescue mission had taken to get to Hueco Mundo and the resistance they'd encountered trying to find me. "I don't believe you."

"Ran, look at the events realistically. We have the control here. The Arrancar and Espada's abilities surpass the Shinigami powers most of you possess. Even bankai might not work against them. They are the superior beings even before exposure to the H..." he stopped but I knew to what he referred. Had Gin also been exposed to the power? Had he been transformed into something other, something more powerful and dangerous?

Again I shook my head, but the question had distracted me. For the moment I'd let it go, but soon Gin might admit his guilt. "Kurotsuchi helped you abduct me, didn't he?" Getting into an argument about my rescue did not assist in gaining answers to my questions.

"Of course he did." Was there a trace of exasperation in his voice?

It seemed unfair. He knew the background; I didn't. Possibly some of the plans were his, one day the truth might be revealed and Gin might become honest. Yet to treat me like I was stupid as I didn't know everything and had to guess annoyed me. He assumed he knew everything about my relationship with Zaraki, and why I'd chosen to marry him. Then the blind assumption that I continued to love him after every insult, slight and pain I'd experienced at his hands.

"Why?" Thinking through all the questions wasn't helping. Trying to understand why people had acted the way they did might help and while I knew Kurotsuchi hated me, it seemed to have become more pronounced and obvious since I'd become involved with Zaraki.

"No one asked his reasons. He was providing inside information and helping us. As for abducting you, he seemed pleased to be able to help. He hid me and drugged all the liquids served at your 'Wedding Celebration'. " Gin seemed to not understand the question.

"Didn't you ever ask why he was helping? "

Gin was slowly shaking his head. "The man had been incarcerated in the Maggot's Nest for years before Urahara released him. What loyalty would he have to the Seireitei?"

The reminder served to shock me from my backward thoughts. History had shaped all of us; the events in our past had pushed us into certain directions and served to create the reality in which we lived. We could ignore the past, pretend none of it happened, but no matter how good the pretence, the experiences remained. Gin had always been elusive about his life before we met. He didn't like to share information and it seemed he was still inclined to keep things to himself.

"I don't know," I murmured.

Most of the time Kurotsuchi didn't interact with the other Captains, or so Toshiro had mentioned once. It had amused me at the time as I knew how infrequently my Captain wished to spend time interacting with the people of the same rank. The 12th Division Captain was known to argue with any person who didn't share his opinion and he was also secretive, but when measured against Gin, Tosen and Aizen he didn't seem a threat, until now.

"You never thought it was convenient Kurotsuchi was released around the same time the other Captains disappeared?"

Other Captains disappeared? I furrowed my brow dimly recalled the events. It has happened a long time ago and I remembered the description of how Divisions were left leaderless and the problems which were caused as replacements were sought. Many appeared eager to fill the spaces left, but most were unable to achieve bankai. It was possibly the reason Yamamoto had not attempted to replace the three who had left so abruptly, for aside from preparing for the War, trying to find and train those who had the abilities and leadership skills would be harrowing and leave little time for all the other matters which required his attention.

Then it finally struck me. "That explains why you had the antidote. Or does it?"

Retsu had created the partial antidote and I was pretty certain the 12th Division Captain and my friend didn't pool knowledge. A nasty idea began to form in my mind, but it seemed too hard to accept.

"I'm sure you've worked it out, Ran," Gin sighed, avoiding my eyes.

My tongue seemed unwilling to form the words, but I tried to utter them anyway. "Kurotsuchi was here when I was abducted."

A small nod was my answer.

"Aizen wanted him to infect me with some disease?"

Gin shook his head. "It isn't a disease."

Of course it wasn't a disease. It was a memory manipulation drug which affected the senses and mental age of the recipient. Why anyone would wish to develop such a thing was something I couldn't work out. It would have limited use, but imagine, all of the Seireitei reverting to an earlier age. All the prejudices would be removed with the memories and if the information given was sufficiently convincing taking command might not prove the challenge. No need to fight if the enemy were convinced you were the benefactor and friend. It was ingenious. It was evil.

"Why me?" If he cared about me, why choose me to inflict this particular type of pain upon. Each time I regained my memory there was such pain and if he was curious the 12th Division Captain had not shown himself adverse to use any Shinigami, Quincy or human as a subject.

Gin cleared his throat. "You recover from death like wounds."

"Don't continue talking rubbish, Gin. "

"You do. I noticed it when we were growing up."

I felt like poking my tongue out. Growing up. I was fully grown now and avoided some of the memories of my childhood because they weren't important. "So?"

"The drug is only effective on someone brought close to death."

I was beginning to be seriously concerned. A drug which could only be used effectively on a dying person was not very useful. Chances were the death of the person might interfere with the drug being effective. While the answer seemed obvious, it was hard for me to accept the ideas which were forming in my mind.

"He tried using his daughter, but the years of adjustment made her body unsuitable."

Poor Nemu. Adjustment, abuse and pain were her life at the hands of a man crazed with creating his own perverse version of perfection. Alliteration! This was not the time to get carried away by words.

"Mayuri wished to use a person who had recuperative powers in order he could observe the long term effects. You were chosen before you became involved with the Thug, against my wishes."

The last was spoken in nearly a whisper. Each work indicated any power promised to Gin had not been forthcoming.

"You told them? About my supposed ability? And why make a dying person forget? I don't understand." It didn't seem like Gin. He didn't like to tell anyone his carefully guarded secrets.

"Choice is something I didn't have."

The indication was he'd been forced to explain, but again it didn't seem like the Gin I thought I knew. Then I noticed the use of past tense.

"How?"

The smile on Gin's face twisted slightly. The lips thinned even more and his mouth became straight. "When you were unconscious after Aizen pretended to strangle you."

"Pretended? I nearly died. I fainted due to his hands being tightly clasped around my throat. He was trying to kill me!."

He shrugged. "I was trying to think of something to do to stop it, but Aizen…. Every freedom has its price."

His words didn't make sense. Once again there was the impression of more being unsaid than explained.

Before any more questions were asked, Gin again smiled his face forming into its usual triangular shape. "It doesn't matter Ran."

Maybe it didn't matter to him, but it certainly did to me. "You aren't the person who forgets. Losing my memory and becoming younger and younger." There was little I could do to stop the shudders which racked my body, nor did I try.

For a moment it seemed Gin was preparing to reply but instead smiled even wider. "Ran, don't go back to the Thug."

"I love him, Gin. How many times do I need to tell you?" Despite my attempts, exasperation crept into my voice. Even now he overlooked most of my answers, preferring to believe his own ideas.

He sighed as I did, in exasperation. "How can you love him? He's so unlike me!"

The observation made me laugh involuntarily and also made me question why Gin believed it was impossible for me to fall in love with someone unlike him. Not everyone made the same mistake over and over; falling in love with the same type of person. Not every woman wanted a man who would ignore her until such time as she provided some function and then ignore her once her usefulness was over. He was calling Zaraki a thug, and yet his behaviour toward me had been that of a person who showed little regard for my feelings. Or perhaps my experience with Gin had taught me well about the type of relationship I wanted with a man. One which was founded a little more equally. Yes, Zaraki ordered me around and told me what to do and tried to control me, but he did listen to me, sometimes and didn't walk away when I needed him. He wasn't perfect but years of observations prove no man was. They were too often self-absorbed with their own life and a pretty face and figure counted more than good character.

At one point, before Aizen, the mindset of the males I came into contact with irritated me, but to my shame I didn't disabuse them. There was little point in trying to use my appearance against Toshiro, nor did I wish to. Once he had joked he was my friend in spite of my face. Most males expected a vapid selfish creature to dwell within the outward form. In most cases, I was more than happy to act in the manner expected, but the slight amusement gained wore thin quickly.

Then again, Zaraki was the opposite of the men I normally chose. Tall, muscular and reputably cruel men were not my normal choice. Well, Gin was taller than me. And cruel if you wished to look at it that way; though many might describe him as disinterested or indolent. He was the sort of person my mother might have warned me against, if she'd bothered to hang around long enough, or perhaps any mother might disapprove of Zaraki. Which was the baddest? Gin could charm and smile, Zaraki might either kill or ignore, depending on his mood. Thinking like this made it clear that a mother in this case might be more an impediment than an asset. From the little I knew, if a mother did not agree with the choice of a marital partner, there was little hope of the matter never being raised. I did not miss a mother's disapproval.

Yet Gin and Zaraki were very different. Gin was secretive and it was often impossible to tell what he was thinking and the reasons for his actions. Zaraki was direct and overly honest. I loved the honesty. There was never any doubt he was with me because he chose to be there, in spite of the great sex, in spite of the need I had for him, he chose me and knowing him I couldn't doubt his love. With Gin, I'd guessed and frequently felt I'd guessed incorrectly. Confessing my love was the end of our relationship, unless he was now trying to say something different. Had I missed an important indication? Had he said words I hadn't understood? It was possible. Words may have been spoken as he was walking away, or in a quiet aside which was just that too quiet for me to hear. The more likely conclusion was he'd expected me to guess. Guessing with Gin was a pastime which only led to grief. Clues might be given, but often so obscure or removed from the source it might be an indication that he indeed liked Brussell Sprouts, or had taken a dislike to the colour of the grass or even felt unwell and wished for someone to take care of him.

Why was I even thinking like this? Gin was the past, part of my past. In many ways he dominated my past but now was only relevant to my present as I was forced to spend time with him, but as for the future? It seemed unlikely Zaraki would agree to much interaction with Gin, even if he returned to the Seireitei. Zaraki was my future.

Even the explanations Gin provided didn't add up. Kurotsuchi had been here. How had he managed to do that? And I'd been selected for what? A drug to removed memory or throw a person back in time. What was the point?

"Aizen was trying to please me, a little," Gin said. His face was turned to the wall, away from me. I doubt even if I'd been able to see it there would have been any indication of his emotions.

"None of this makes sense, Captain Ichimaru. Not one thing."

"Aizen and Kurotsuchi want a Shinigami female, preferably one who is pregnant with a high recuperative power."

It still didn't make sense. "Why?"

"Why do you think?"

I didn't want to think. I tried to stop thinking, but my brain churned away, simple explanations being rejected until one nasty possibility sprang to mind which made my nausea return. "I was pregnant last time," I finally said.

"Wrong father."

My face heated. Zaraki was not meant to be the father of the child I was to have. I didn't dare mention I was pregnant once more or the child would be terminated. My hands gripped each other tightly as I tried to stop them from betraying me. There was even more danger here than originally thought. "Were you meant to be the father?"

He shrugged, trying to be casual. "Either Aizen or myself and then, future children by specially selected Arrancar."

Worse and worse. Not only forced to bear one child, but then others by these strong beings who seemed intent on the complete destruction of the Shinigami. What was the purpose? A creation who would quickly regenerate, but why make me lose my memories?

"Why the memory loss?" I kept returning to this and would continue to do so.

"It was meant to stop when you reached a certain age," was his stiff lipped reply.

Aghast I tried to work out what he meant. It seemed obvious and the reasoning scared and hurt at the same time. "What age?" My voice was choked with emotion.

"When you still loved and listened to me."

The time period was so vast, up until I insisted on calling him Gin even though he regularly demanded the formal title of Captain Ichimaru. "Captain Ichimaru, no matter how much I may have loved you I would never willingly whore for you."

His back was now turned toward me. Was it to hide his expression and if so was he amused, angry of experiencing another, more difficult, emotion?

"I know. I told Aizen. He didn't believe me." The tone was bleak.

Once more I made a mental leap and before the thoughts could become more intelligible I rapidly said, "The medication was being adjusted. Each time I was given the antidote more of the memory removal was added. Retsu has to be involved!"

"Not everyone in Fourth Division is loyal to their captain, especially when a move to a division with a higher profile is offered."

Was everyone a traitor? Or was it because so many people were experiencing the same feeling of alienation and uncertainty due to the recent events? Or were people naturally disloyal?

"Unfortunately, the person doesn't have long to enjoy any rewards. She's been poisoned."

More information. Why was Gin telling me this? What had caused the change in him?

"You poisoned the person?"

"Not me. Mayuri doesn't like loose ends. Or people for that matter."

"And he doesn't even like the people he creates," I replied, thinking of Nemu.

I looked at him closely. Now he was facing me and even his stance was different. The man who strode arrogantly through the Sereitei with his tame Lieutenant trailing obsequiously behind bore only a physical resemblance to the person I now faced.

"Gin, what happened to you? To us?"

"Sosuke."

Aizen had happened, but exactly what? And when?

"Do you remember when we met, Ran?"

It was so long ago. I'd been so young and ignorant. "I was sleeping outside. I don't remember why. I don't remember a lot."

"No, you wouldn't, Ran. This isn't the first time your memories have been tampered with."

Until now I'd been confident that this was the first time I couldn't trust what I remembered, but these words made me wonder about the basis of my reality once more.

* * *

A.N.

Delay again. Yes, I know. Life is difficult.

Soundtrack

'Our Truth' Lacuna Coil

'Your Love is a Lie' Simple Plan

'Past, Present and Future' The Shangri-Las

'Memoires' Vamp (This is now Gin's song)

'The Scientist' Coldplay (With the chapter title, how could this song not be included?)

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	43. The Freedom

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**The Freedom**

"Gin, have you ever considered explaining something from the beginning? Not hinting, or giving partial facts?" At least one thing hadn't changed about him. He still didn't enjoy sharing knowledge.

A look of amazement crossed his face, or I assumed that was the emotion he was experiencing. "Knowledge is power."

"Knowledge that is not shared is dangerous. Gin, we've been friends since we were children. You kept secrets from me then. Eventually I learnt to keep secrets from you, but now I've been shown secrecy isn't healthy." We were at odds in this. Honesty was something we hadn't shared.

He smiled widely. "You don't have secrets from the Thug?"

"I've told you before. I don't keep secrets from my husband. I love him. Secrets destroyed us, Gin."

He shook his head. "No, they protected you."

I laughed at his claim. "How? How did the secrets protect me? Aizen raped me. I've been abducted, tortured, nearly murdered..." I broke off. Listing all the things that had happened was both scary and depressing.

His voice at least made me stop listing the recent events which had hurt me. "It's always what happened to you. What about me?"

Again his words made me laugh, bitterly. "You never told me what happened to you, Gin. Whenever I asked you simply smiled and didn't answer, or walked away."

He turned away and seemed to be staring at the walls. If I'd expected a quick response, I was to be disappointed. In this case I wasn't. Gin didn't share easily and his secrets were more precious to him than anything, or so it always seemed to me.

"Rangiku, I have been quiet all this time, believing your ignorance kept you safe." He stopped talking.

My first thought was to break the silence, to say something that would encourage him to tell me what he meant, but any efforts to draw him out in the past had failed. Nothing had changed and the act of asking might make him even more reluctant to say anything to me. So much had changed. Once I loved him, now I wasn't certain how to define the emotion I was feeling toward him. Once he had the power to make me cry, from fear of him leaving me or his harsh words. There was little chance of it now.

"I wanted to keep you safe from Aizen, right from the very beginning."

My instinct was to shake my head in disbelief. How did he propose to keep me safe from the man by becoming best buddies with him? By pushing me away? By treating me like less than nothing? As if I didn't matter to him at all?

My mouth formed a silent 'O'.

"Aizen was trying to experiment on you just before I met you. He was startled by some of the Captains and instead turned his anger on them. You were left unconscious and your memories... I didn't know you before. I don't know what happened to your memories." His voice was darker and deeper than it been previously.

Each word scared me. I didn't remember much about the time before I met him, but it hadn't seemed important and I'd been very young. He'd taken over my life and in the early days used to make inconsequential conversation about strange things, or things which seemed strange to me. This was a Gin I had encountered rarely before. One who wasn't dismissive or cruel. At the same time, I wanted to know more.

"What do you mean?"

"Ran, I joined with Aizen to protect you from him. It was my only reason and when he became interested in me, he didn't me to be influenced by anyone else, especially you."

I arched an eyebrow. "Why me?"

Gin sighed and I knew he wasn't happy about replying or even telling me the information he'd imparted so far. "You are my oldest and closest friend. We were lovers and you knew more about me than anyone else. He saw you as a threat."

I tried to make light of it and deliberately misunderstood. "You and Aizen were or are lovers?" I said, trying to keep my tone light and teasing. It seemed impossible there was any sexual involvement between the two men.

Instead of the quick denial I'd expected, there was silence. A tense silence.

It caused me to look at Gin and as usual the smile concealed any other trace of expression. His ability to hide his emotions was back which caused me to wonder why it had faltered earlier. Then the lack of denial made me think and I didn't enjoy the way my thoughts evolved. It was none of my business what Gin did or had done. Our relationship was over, long over and I was happily married to Zaraki... except for the abductions, interruptions and separations. I had to convince Gin to let me go. As a matter of sanity any further questions I might have about Gin's relationship with Aizen would be kept to myself. I didn't want to know nor did I need to know.

"Once or twice," Gin said softly. "Long ago."

Tears stung my eyes, which made no sense to me. Aizen and Gin had been lovers a long time ago. Had the relationship overlapped the one I had with Gin? Had he been sleeping with both of us? Was it one of the reasons Aizen raped me? Out of sexual jealousy?

Everything I knew about the man made it unlikely. He didn't see sex as anything except an act of dominance or a way of establishing power. He'd impregnated Momo (or had that been Gin?) before trying to kill her. Had he done so deliberately? As another way of establishing his ownership?

Gin appeared to be awaiting a response.

"Oh."

"Ran, I tell you I've had sex with Aizen and all you say is 'Oh'?"

I felt a sigh grow, but tried to answer without it. "What can I say, Gin? Our relationship is long over and I've moved on as you obviously have. It's none of my business and rather than jealousy, I feel pity for you."

Talking about it was futile. It had not been by Gin's choice and from his attitude he hadn't enjoyed the experience or even initiated it. Requesting further information would reveal sordid facts which weren't necessary for me to know and it was unlikely he'd tell me anything further. Until now I hadn't thought my opinion of Aizen could sink any lower, but I was wrong.

He nodded reflectively. "Yes. Sex is not an expression of love when it is used to establish power nor am I fond of blackmail."

I stared at him. He freely admitted what I'd been thinking but unwilling to say. Words tumbled out of my mouth before I could prevent them. "Is that why you slept with Momo?"

His brow creased and the smile faded from his face. "I slept with Momo? You mean I fucked the girl?"

"She told me you were her first lover," I said quietly knowing I was breaking a confidence, but it seemed unlikely Gin would spread the story anywhere.

My former love laughed harshly. "You believed her? You believed that light minded fool when she told you that I had sex with her? When did this happen?"

I took a deep breath to prevent my voice from shaking. "The night before Aizen 'died'."

Gin stood up abruptly and his chair clattered as it fell down. Crossing his arms he paced the room shaking his head. "Ran, I'd sooner sleep with Orihime than Momo and I'm not tempted by either girl. That is the problem with them. They're both girls with little in the way of thought except their obsession over some male. I did not fuck Momo; I wouldn't fuck her with Tosen's dick. Can't you remember how I hate her?" His voice became louder as he talked and it reminded me of one of our few discussions about his dislike of my friendship with Lieutenant Hinamori.

"I didn't have sex with anyone that night, not even you as we were no longer even friends by then. God, Ran. I miss the sex, the pleasure: you."

I lowered my eyelids, not wishing to look at him closely or permit him to see the expression of relief. Why did I feel relief? It shouldn't matter to me who he slept with. Our shared past was simply that: past. History.

"Aizen probably did it, convinced her using his zanpakuto's power to make the fool think it was me. It'd appeal to his twisted appetites. I bet he had sex with her immediately afterward in his own guise, didn't he?"

My head nodded without my cooperation. It made more sense now. Aizen was a man who enjoyed inflicting pain on others, whether physical or mental and mental was often so much more effective. Momo had expressed her feeling of conflict and mental pain while Aizen had sex with her the second time. Whether he meant to impregnate her or not was a moot point and one he probably felt he'd solved when he stabbed the girl.

There was a point which he'd mentioned earlier which I didn't understand. "How did working with Aizen protect me?"

His lips thinned even further, if it was possible. "I thought if I worked closely with him, I'd manage to monitor his actions. "

"Why are you telling me this, now? Until now all you seemed to wish to do was torment me or remind me of how little I meant to you."

He stopped pacing, his back to me. "Then, there was little choice. Now, I'm free."

"Free? What do you mean free? You're still here in Hueco Mundo and working with Aizen." Was he going to explain his words, or leave me to interpret his meaning? This Gin might do either and I dimly recalled his younger self who had acted more like a friend than an aloof and amused acquaintance. He'd mentioned something about the high cost of freedom before and the way he'd spoken was like he was declaring an important fact.

Gin turned and his face was set in an expression I'd rarely seen. Grim determination. Many times he had been prepared to do anything to gain the outcome he desired, but usually hid it with a smile and sly words. "I'm free of Aizen's influence. He no longer has power over me. My ability to protect you has returned fully."

The gasp I heard must be my own but it was to be expected. Gin was admitting Aizen had once had power over him and influenced him. On a few occasions I'd wondered why Gin had gradually spent more and more time with Aizen and was prepared to do anything he'd asked. When I'd first known him he was reluctant to permit anyone to advise him or direct his actions. Any suggestions I made were met with a mocking smile and some observation which made me feel foolish. It had seemed unfair that my ideas were dismissed so easily whereas Aizen never appeared to make a mistake in word or deed. It might also explain why he'd had sex with Aizen; not only to prove Aizen's domination of him, but because he had no real choice. It made me wonder which was the worst form of rape: the one Aizen had visited on me, or the one visited on Gin.

If Gin were to be believed many of the things which had puzzled me were explained. The reason he'd withdrawn from me and treated me like an problem rather than a friend.

"You became friends with Aizen in order to protect me," I said slowly, the words meaning more than I'd thought they would.

"Yes, but it failed. He got control of me and tried over and over again to turn me against you," he said.

"But he did turn you against me!" Could it have been more obvious that Aizen had succeeded? All his cruel taunts and indifference weren't the actions of a person who cared for me.

"Not really. I acted as he told me to, but my feelings for you never changed. I tried to push you away, to protect you. The cooler I became toward you, the less Aizen worried about you, until he again saw a use for your rapid healing abilities."

"And the rape?" I asked. No matter what I did, or any explanation I received I returned to that horrible event. Time had healed the physical injuries but being this close to Gin and knowing Aizen was possibly near made me remember the mental anguish. I looked at the door, contemplating the possibility of escape from here and running as fast as I could back to Zaraki and safety, or what felt like safety to me.

"You weren't there, Rangiku, when he mentioned it. Do you know what it was like believing everything you're told, accepting lies as truth? He told me you seduced him and I believed him. It crushed me, but by then I wasn't feeling much at all and it made it easier to pretend I didn't care. In some ways it protected you," he said, his belief in his words evident in his tone.

"No, it didn't," I said. "Losing my oldest friend and not knowing why made me feel I couldn't trust anyone. We were so close for so long and even though you used me, it always seemed you cared," I tried sorting through my thoughts trying to work out how best to explain how I'd felt.

"Let the past lie, Rangiku. We're here now. Admit you love me and we can be together."

"How come you're free?" This was the question I needed to ask. "What happened to free you of Aizen's control." Perhaps it was late to ask now, but it might give me some understanding of what was currently happening.

His smile became sly and cynical. "If a person is prepared to turn traitor for the promise of power, think how easily he will betray any former allies if additional power is promised."

Pulling apart the words he'd used I tried to make sense of it. It didn't make a lot of sense to me. "Who and what do you mean? Are you talking about Tosen?"

I hadn't heard Gin laugh for a long time and there was bitterness mixed with the humour. What other experiences had changed him into this man?

"Tosen. The tame blind man who stares at screens he can't see? The man who is so grieved by the death of one woman he is prepared to destroy any person who is a Shinigami, even himself?"

Obviously not Tosen and it was highly unlikely Aizen might betray himself.

"Who?"

"Isn't it apparent?"

Of course it was. We'd spoken about the man earlier, the man who had been actively working with Aizen ever since his release from the Maggot's Nest. "Why did Kurotsuchi assist you in getting free?"

"He has his reasons," was the smooth reply.

This time I wasn't prepared to accept the assurance, I wanted a proper answer. If the 12th Division Captain had been working with Aizen for this long and not been under his control there must be a powerful inducement for him to play traitor to another traitor. "What reasons, Gin?"

Now he looked uncomfortable and shifted his stance a little. "I don't know. It doesn't matter. The result is more important than the reasons."

"Yes, it does matter. Power is part of it, but there has to be more than that. He hates me and has made it plain every time I've talked to him. He even provided the poison which is causing me to forget how old I am and has he even developed a cure for that?"

When he answered, he tried to sound as if he were certain he knew he was correct, but the assurance sounded false. "Yes, of course he has the antidote. He must."

Crossing my arms I looked at him sternly. "You're not certain."

"If he created the poison he must know the antidote." He nodded as he spoke as if affirming his words. Was he trying to convince me, or himself?

Once more I marvelled at my friend's ability to assert things of which he wasn't certain. If I didn't know him as well as I did, believing him would be easy.

"You're repeating the same words with even less enthusiasm than before. Don't you know?" I wanted an answer and all these words weren't me any closer to understanding much. I knew Kurotsuchi was the traitor, but most of us had already guessed. The affirmation of our suspicions didn't make a difference, but all the other undisclosed information was valuable.

"He will create it. I'll make certain of it," he assured me with his normal air of condescension.

So many new facts were now available to me, it seemed imperative each was confirmed. "Gin, this is all so new to me. You're saying Kurotsuchi has been assisting Aizen ever since he was released from the Maggot's Nest?"

"He hates Urahara and dismisses him as lightweight as he didn't admit Kurotsuchi was the better scientist. He also hate Yamamoto for confining him within the Maggots Nest."

I nodded as it all made sense. "Did Aizen try to control him?"

Gin sighed. "I don't know, nor have I ever tried to find out. I don't care."

That sounded exactly like Gin. "Probably not as the man is prepared to help you, unless it is the classic double bluff."

Raising an eyebrow Gin said with a small reprimand noticeable, "Don't you think I can tell a double bluff?"

"Not always. Aizen managed to work around you."

He fell silent, but I wanted to continue. "I'm a fast healer and Aizen wants to breed for these healing abilities but only someone he has chosen. To make me malleable some drug was given to me last time I was here to make me regress. And you didn't know I was pregnant."

There was a pause and he nodded. "All true."

"Until recently you were under Aizen's control until Kurotsuchi gave you something which broke his zanpakuto's power. I wonder what it is?"

Again there was the slight struggle as he tried to answer, and answer honestly. "I don't know, but we arranged it when I was hiding in the Seireitei. He got it to me when he came on this mission."

That answered the timing question I was preparing to ask. His freedom had been relatively brief, but had Aizen noticed? I asked.

In answer to my question, Gin looked pleased with himself. "If I don't know how to fool people into believing what they expect to be true, how did I manage in the Seireitei so many years?"

I smiled sadly. "You weren't as successful as you think. Aizen was much better at hiding what he really was."

The tightening of his lips indicated he wasn't pleased with my reply. "You knew me. Aizen made damned sure no one knew the real person behind the facade. Even Tosen wasn't as unknown as Aizen. It seems anyone who knew an incriminating fact about Aizen simply disappeared."

Which would explain why everyone saw him as the perfect, kind captain. It made me wonder how close I'd come to disappearing, but having stubbornly refused to name the rapist and confiding only in Renji had protected me. No one would believe Renji held a grudge against his former Captain for a good reason. He'd been caught fighting and behaving belligerently toward senior officers. Anything he'd said might be misinterpreted as resentment.

I didn't want to dwell on that thought. "You're now free and the only reason you became friendly with Aizen was you wanted to protect me as you saw him trying to experiment on me."

He nodded. So many convoluted notions and motivations. While it was interesting in many ways it wasn't relevant. Talking about the past was depressing and though new facts were being revealed they might not help. Even if Gin was free, whose side was he on? A simple question might test his loyalty.

"Let me go, Gin."

"No. You belong with me. I'll protect you."

"You can't protect me. What if Aizen works out what is going on and gains control over you again?" Remaining within easy reach of the man filled me with a mixture of fear and disgust.

"It won't happen, Ran. We'll get married. He won't touch you."

I shook my head. He may not still be under Aizen's control, but his grip on reality wasn't firm. Once I would have rejoiced at the thought of marrying Gin, but in these circumstances, it was a bad idea. Aizen would possibly continue in his plan to breed me like a prize animal until he'd achieved the results he wanted. Aside from that, sleeping with Gin held no attraction for me anymore. "I'm married to Captain Kenpachi Zaraki through choice. I love him and don't want to leave him. Staying here is not an option and marrying you is out of the question. The longer I remain here, the more intense is the risk."

He sat down and rested him arms on the table as if thinking about something. "If I force Kurotsuchi to make the antidote to the memory loss, will you stay?"

The question wasn't fair. Losing my memory was causing problems no matter where I was. Staying with Gin might result in eventually being refused the temporary antidote and losing so much of myself and even if Gin tried to get the full antidote, there was no guarantee it would happen. If I could obtain a sample of the original drug, it might be enough to formulate a full cure. Kurotsuchi was not predictable and he might indeed decide never to release the original or to obtain something which might remove the effects.

"I can't stay, Gin. You know that. Remaining here is not possible. I miss my husband and Aizen would use me as a threat against you and anyone else who cared. Please, let me go."

"I can't let you go. Aizen knows you're here and if you escaped, I'd be suspect. Stay, for a few days. It won't be bad."

That statement wasn't believable. Even the time I'd spent here made me long to put a large distance between me and the people who cared only for destruction. If it were possible I'd take Gin with me, but Aizen would notice and Zaraki might not welcome the addition of my former lover to the rescue mission.

Taking his hands within my own, I tried to look into his eyes but failed as I always had. "Aizen wants me dead, Kurotsuchi wants me dead, Tosen doesn't care and to all the Hollows, Espada and Arrancar I'm a threat."

"Orihime stayed."

Yes, Orihime stayed, but did she have a choice? I shook my head. "The girl wants to be saved. She has a princess fetish and wishes for her handsome prince to defeat the dragon and win her hand. I was saved once, but this time I want to either escape the dragon on my own or slay it myself."

Gin smiled slightly. "You always liked to chase trouble, but Aizen isn't easy to escape from or kill."

I laughed slightly, without humour. "Nor is he a dragon. He's nothing near as noble. More like a dung beetle with a nuclear bomb."

"Now, Ran. That's not very nice to dung beetles who provide a valuable service," Gin chided me gently.

It reminded me of many of the strange and familiar conversations we'd had through the years when we were close, but also provided a clear example of how far apart we'd grown. Whether Aizen was a dung beetle, a dragon or a dangerous man with an appetite for power was unimportant. He existed and held too much power and loyalty to make him too difficult to ignore.

"Let me go, Gin."

"You know it's impossible."

I bit my lip and lowered my eyelids. If I escaped, unless I managed to do something to make it clear Gin wasn't involved in some way, he'd be hurt. It shouldn't matter to me if he was, but it did. We'd been friends for so long.

I tried for compromise. "I'll stay as long as it takes for you to either convince Kurotsuchi to make a full antidote, or until he admits he won't." Even as I spoke I hated the ideas which immediately sprang to mind of how he might dissemble and make promises while all the time merely saying the words without taking any action. The only real way to force action from him was for him to see the advantage. If only there were some way the drug could be administered to him.

But then it struck me again. Aside from the first time, the drug worked on me after I'd had sex with Zaraki. The 12th Division Captain might have ingested the drug at some point but as it was unlikely he had sex, it wouldn't affect him. Was there anyone with such poor self image who'd be prepared to touch him, let alone exchange bodily fluids. The other problem about the drug was it only became effective if the person been close to death and the only time Kurotsuchi had been was when Ichigo's Quincy friend had nearly defeated him.

Even for the faint promise of a cure there was no possibility I'd sleep with the man. Did it have to be sex with another person, or was it possible masturbation might cause the same effects. Then I wondered why he'd made the drug that way. To punish anyone who might be experiencing pleasure with another person? Was he that perversely jealous?

We were at an impasse. How could it be resolved?

* * *

A.N.

Banging my head against the wall helps, sometimes. I don't recommend it to anyone else.

Soundtrack

'Truth from Fiction' Supreme Beings of Leisure

'Set You Free' N-Trance

'No Women Allowed' Captain Tinrib

'O Superman (For Massenet)' Laurie Anderson

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	44. The Reward

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**The Reward**

I felt a hand resting gently on my cheek and the action made me stare at Gin who had rarely made affectionate gestures of this nature.

"Rangiku, my wish is you will remain with me, but in my life how many of my wishes have been granted?"

I didn't want to comment, but I did. "I don't know Gin. How many of your wishes did you keep secret?"

He shrugged and waited a few moments before he finally said, "Stay a few days, or forever."

I moved away from his touch. "Lying never helped in any situation," I said. "If things change I will attempt to leave immediately. Staying here permanently will not be by choice."

He sank into a seat, dejected in a way I had not witnessed before. "If Captain 12 had only managed to give me the antidote earlier..."

"How much earlier, Gin? While he was still in the Maggot's Nest?"

The silence which fell was laden with hurt, frustration and resentment. The problems we faced were born at the same time as our friendship and we'd ignored them. There was little to no chance it might have ever worked between us and until now I hadn't known. All my effort had been futile and now I didn't want what I had so ardently sought with misplaced hope and boundless, foolish optimism.

The door slammed against the wall and I felt a wave of disgust and distaste as Aizen and some of his followers came into the room. "Happy now, Gin?"

"Of course. Happy. Happy to be here in this place with you, Sosuke. What other emotion might I possibly experience?"

"Now, Gin. You've got freedom from that depressing lieutenant of yours..."

"He wasn't that bad..."

Aizen raised an eyebrow. "I often wondered where his depression originated. Did you contribute to it?"

Gin laughed, but it sounded false. "Why should I give away all my secrets? Kira is Kira. Brooding, sentimental and always longing for that something out of reach."

He was correct in many respects about Kira. Once or twice I'd seen him staring at Momo with a blank expression on his face. At the time I'd dismissed it but in idle moments I'd wondered if he felt more than friendship for her. True he'd protected and forgiven her many things, but at the same time he'd proven his loyalty to his Captain at her expense.

it was possible that experience had affected him even more.

Aizen chuckled and then pointed at me accusingly. "How old are you?" he demanded.

"None of your business." I answered bluntly.

Moving closer he stared at me and reached out his hand. Immediately I slapped it away and took a defensive stance. I had no blade with which to fight him but I could still kick and punch as much as possible to prevent his hands from taking hold of me.

He glared at Gin. "You restored her memory. Why did you do that?"

"Children don't interest me. They make too many demands, become bored quickly and require entertainment. Besides, they don't know how to give a man pleasure, or at least not to my taste. A woman may respond and even provide a few extra little services a girl cannot." Gin had a fixed smile on his face. "Screaming can hurt the ears after a while."

Aizen frowned. "It can?"

Biting my lip barely kept me from uttering a retort. The man was deeply sick.

"I prefer moans of pleasure to screams of pain, or once I did. I don't rightly recall now, you come to mention it. Anyway, where would the fun be if she didn't remember being separated from the thug?"

The answer seemed strange until I recalled he had to pretend he was still under the influence of Aizen's zanpakuto.

The sadistic smile which the comment brought from Aizen indicated Gin had made the right decision. "True. But you can make her forget, can't you? Whenever you like."

"Sure. Yeah. Course."

Had I imagined the momentary hesitation?

"Keep her under control. Even better, bind her to a chair. We don't want her to overpower you again and wander around freely." Aizen stared at me as if I were an object he didn't like to view while producing some very strong looking rope from within his sleeve. It appeared he might have planned this and was prepared to make certain I didn't have a chance to escape.

"She won't run away. Just this minute she was agreeing to stay, weren't you Rangiku? Of course you were. Never stopped loving me, did you Rangiku?"

"I... I..."

"Never stopped loving you but married the Kenpachi? I imagine the union was forced. Is that what you're saying Gin? I'd believe you, though she seemed very happy to see him when he came to rescue her."

"All an act. Don't you see how quickly she came back here to be close to me?"

Aizen transferred his gaze to Gin and a smile quirked the corners of his mouth. "If you say so, Gin. You wouldn't lie to me, would you? The stakes have changed considerably now we have an additional hostage, but for the moment, until I am assured of her good intentions, tie her to the chair, or I will take pleasure in doing it myself."

My flesh crawled at the thought of being any closer to the man than I currently was. Had he guessed or did he suspect Gin was no longer under his control.

With a laugh Gin quickly took the rope and escorted me to a chair. I wanted to struggle but knew it was futile. If I appealed to Gin it might betray his independence. All the same I protested, knowing if I was obedient it would seem very out of character.

"I won't run. I promised I'd stay for a while," I said. "You don't need to tie me up. It seems kinky."

"Rangiku, later," Gin joked back as he secured me to the chair.

He was thorough which proved to be a benefit for as my stomach made an attempt to reject anything it contained Aizen come and inspected his work. He purposely trailed his fingers over my skin and it made me gag.

"You're safe for the moment, Zaraki's wife, but don't expect me to forget your allocated role," the words were said so quietly I wasn't certain I'd heard them correctly.

"Keep her there until I decide she may be trusted," he said in a normal voice.

Gin nodded with his usual non-committal smile. "It will be as you say, of course. How could it be otherwise?"

He was being very careful which made me aware how dangerous was his predicament. Aizen wasn't stupid. For years he'd manipulated people within the Seireitei, hiding his ambitions, killing when needed or causing death through his actions. His use of the powers of his zanpakuto to control perception was not the action of a benign despot, his treatment of Renji had been cruel. Both Gin and I were in danger unless we maintained the pretence and Gin was the one who would be watched closely.

"Now your little friend is secured, we have an 'ally' who has expressed a desire to see our latest acquisition," Aizen stated with a glance toward me to see my reaction.

Keeping my face blank was something I would need to practice from now on. Aizen was checking my reactions and any other person I encountered here was likely to treat me with suspicion. My breath shallowed and I felt tension growing through my muscles and body. How long? Did I have to live like this for the rest of my life?

"Zaraki will rescue me, or I'll rescue myself." The resolution was easy but the execution might not be as simple. Time and planning were necessary.

Opening the door, Aizen stood to one side. "Here she is as agreed. The information you provided assisted in her retrieval, so you stand to receive a payment for your service."

The appearance of the 12th Division Captain wasn't much of a surprise, nor did I pretend it was. "I see the slug has finally emerged from under his rock," I said calmly.

At first he appeared stunned and then his face set in a snarl. "The harlot can still talk. Gagging her might improve the environment for all of us."

"Now, now, children. Play nice," was Gin's amused contribution. He went and bowed slightly to the man while I looked on in astonishment. "Thank you for restoring Rangiku to me. I've missed her and her unique perspective."

The man gaped and then blustered, "It was easy. The woman and the Kuchiki woman were too busy gossiping to pay attention. Why did I have to leave the other woman unharmed? She interests me. Her resilience if managing to live past puberty as a street child means I could learn much from her."

Aizen's cool voice answered. "A long, slow process brings more despondency and depression than quick action. Leaving Miss Kuchiki showed we could have taken her if we wished, but didn't see the need. It sent a specific message: we will take what we want, when we want. If I decide to select another for removal from the invasion force it will occur at a time designed to cause the most disruption and confusion."

"All the same, it seems sloppy," Kurotsuchi averred. "It's another enemy left to fight."

The laugh Aizen produced had an unpleasant edge to it. "Little Rukia doesn't count. She is too nervous to use her abilities and fearful of her brother's attitude toward her. From your information I know she is fighting with one of her oldest friends and the friction of the argument will work on the others. If she had been removed, Renji might have forgiven her immediately. Now he will blame her for Ran's abduction and the dissension in the ranks of the rescuers works for me."

The man was very dangerous. Remembering the situation as it was before I left the added tension might cause the Shinigami force to fracture. Resentment and apportioning of blame hurt even the strongest friendships.

"Anything more to report?" Aizen asked coolly.

The man I had come to loathe for his attitude cleared his throat. "My place among the Shinigami is no longer assured. The whore appears to have warned them there was a traitor in their midst and for some reason they believe it to be me. My own daughter has turned against me. It's her fault," he yelled, jabbing his finger accusingly in my direction.

Gin laughed and didn't try to hide his amusement at the accusation. "You weren't very circumspect, Captain 12. Pity you estranged the delightful and obedient Nemu, but it can't be helped. Does this mean your days of being useful to us as a spy are over?"

"I can't go back. Not now. Zaraki looks at me with murder in his eyes. If Captain Unohana hadn't interceded I'd be dead. He grabbed me by the neck and shook me until I thought my head would come off. It's all this woman's fault!"

It was hard to prevent a small smile from crossing my lips even though my neck hurt. Zaraki had almost killed the man, but Retsu had stopped him, which was a pity but true to her nature. Gin pulled the Slug Captain away from me and pushed him past Aizen.

"It is not part of our original arrangement, Captain Kurotsuchi. You agreed to remain in the Seireitei and provide me with any necessary information," Aizen pointed out very calmly.

"I don't have any more contact. Someone or something is blocking my communication and all my efforts in contacting Akon have failed. He will pay as he failed to cause this woman's death."

Gin went suddenly still and very alert. "Death?" He gave a forced laugh. "Did you try to have Rangiku killed, Captain 12? Naughty, naughty."

"Nor was it part of our agreement, Mayuri. I am not pleased to hear this news." Aizen appeared calm, but I wasn't convinced.

"She's just one woman and not the best example of her sex," Kurotsuchi protested.

"You seem to forget her importance to my researches," Aizen said with a great amount of finality.

"There are other women. Lots of other women." The self-styled scientist was worried, or so it appeared.

"None of them are like Ran. I've tested many," Aizen said with a chill in his voice that made me shiver. While it sounded like he was angry with Slug Breath for attempting to cause my death I questioned which would be better. A fast death or a lingering life where I was little more than a machine to manufacture advanced Hollows and possibly regressed to an age where I wouldn't argue or think. Thinking about how he tested them filled me with distaste. Was there anything about Aizen which I didn't find contemptible?

"You forget, we made an agreement. Now do I receive my reward? I have done all that was agreed, more than you asked." My normal reaction to Kurotsuchi's voice made revulsion twist my stomach.

"Gin, why don't you see about providing the reward our collaborator requests? I'm already bored with his company and will retire. Remember the plan," Aizen said as he nonchalantly left the room.

I sat there, still restrained, still unable to move. The disclosures had shocked me, but not surprised me. Kurotsuchi had been colluding with Aizen all this time, staying behind in order to send secret reports to the traitors on the events in the Seireitei. His reporting had been flawed because he had not mentioned my relationship with Zaraki, that fact he had been reluctant to reveal. His attempts to destroy my marriage after the Arrancar attack had been a belated try to redeem himself. He had met with Gin on the day of my abduction and been the real means of entry to the Seireitei. Some of the special forces assigned by Soi Fong for my protection died by his hand and he had supplied the drug that made my abduction possible. Finally he had added additional ingredients to the drug that Retsu administered to me, when I was dying, to ensure that I would continually lose my memory. He had been waiting, hiding in the walls when I was brought back unconscious and had seen the desperate measures Retsu was taking to keep me alive. It was the matter of a moment to add the additional ingredient. The memory loss was meant to be permanent, but Retsu's antidote was unknown to him so he could not plan for that.

Gin waited until only the three of us remained in the room and there was no sound outside. "Now, Captain 12, what was the agreement? Let me try to remember. Sometimes my memory plays tricks on me, and I forget things. So does Ran's, by your intercession."

"Yes, you must be pleased that if untreated she will forget all the unhappy things that happened and only remembers how devoted she is to you." Kurotsuchi preened, obviously pleased with his achievement.

"It's funny, but I don't want someone who has forgotten everything and forgets more each time. Sure, it's sweet for a while, but that person is not Ran, not the Ran I know and want. And I gotta be frank, I'm thrilled with that stuff you gave me that broke Aizen's hold on me, but you promised it earlier, weeks earlier. I'm not happy that you only got it to me yesterday. I've wasted a lot of time."

Yesterday? He'd only been freed yesterday? That explained so much. And also explained why I was here now, when he believed it would be possible for him to act in his own interests. All the same I didn't recall these two men being particular friends at any time. Why this collaboration now?

"But you see, that sort of leaves me with a little problem. You made a deal with Aizen and I can't let the deal stand. The agreement was you got Ran to handle how you liked, access to study the Hyogyoku and Kenpachi to study as a test subject. Oh, yeah, there was that other thing about the girl, the pretty human one but that was later. I can't agree to any of it."

"What? Does the girl mean something to you, Gin? It can't be that woman you have there. She got married and rejected you." Kurotsuchi's shock was evident.

"Maybe that's true, but you forget. I'm not under that bastard's control anymore and Aizen never planned to fulfil his part of the deal. You just thought he would. So the deal is this," Gin drew his zanpakuto. "You get nothing."

The creep captain noticed the movement and quickly drew his blade in response. "Traitor," he screamed, foam forming on his lips. "I will take what I have been promised."

Gin laughed; a silky, sly sound. "You expect a person who betrayed the whole of the Gotei 13 to keep a promise? Kenpachi was right about one thing. He once told me that you keep your brains in your arse. You hate Ran because she got the one person you wanted. It was always Kenpachi you got a horn for. I saw you watching him. Ran was to be the test subject while you had her husband. I can't allow that," coming close to me, Gin stroked my hair back from my face.

I suffered his touch but gagged at the thought of Kurotsuchi having a sexual interest in my husband. The only way that would work was if Zaraki were dead.

"Want Kenpachi sexually? Fool! I want his reiatsu. Since he's been with the woman he's worn the eye patch less often and I find I am now reliant on the supply I receive through that little item. If I have the man I can drain all his reiatsu continually," Kurotsuchi was shrieking with frustration.

For a moment Gin's eyes opened a little wider and I knew he felt as astonished as I. Added to my astonishment was a certain relief. There were some levels of disgust I didn't wish to explore. The latest revelation was that missing factor I had been trying to work out. He hated me, because I was depriving him of a source of power. Every time Zaraki was with me I removed his eye-patch and the supply was interrupted.

"I thought…" Gin started to say.

"Not everyone in the Seireitei is obsessed with carnal relations. Power attracts me more than fleshly bodies. The woman will die, whether you wish it or not." He moved closer and looked at me with a mixture of triumph and disgust. "You've caused me enough trouble, you miserable trollop."

I jerked back in the chair, trying to escape from the ropes that held me prisoner. I could not allow this man to touch me. Contact with him might hurt my child and even though there was no real way I could protect it, I had to try.

"Leave her. She's mine. She was promised to me long before any other arrangements were made. I can't let you touch her, you might spoil her," Gin said, stepping between Kurotsuchi and me. "Listen Captain 12, just go away. Leave now and no one will get hurt."

"Why do you want her? You had her before and then dumped her to become Aizen's bum boy, so don't judge me. She's promised to me," Kurotsuchi screamed and darting forth, thrusting his zanpakuto toward my face. Gin batted it casually aside and stabbed the 12th Division Captain in the chest.

Kurotsuchi looked down at the metal that had pierced him. "What? What did you just do? I want the woman. Your blade can't kill me and after I've finished with her I'm coming for you. Now, give me my property. She's mine now."

"No, she's not" Gin said calmly, "but you can have as much of my zanpakuto as you want. Here, have some more." Swiftly he withdrew the blade and cut off his opponents arm that was holding his blade which he'd drawn in response to the attack. "I know you can reform, so I set up for this. My blade is coated with a thing you developed to deal with the Arrancar. Any part of you I cut off or cut will not heal or regrow. But, I won't be mean. Bye bye, Captain 12," Gin said as he cut the head from the body.

The swiftness of the end and the execution of the Captain was too fast for me to comprehend. The vile blood from the man splattered on the floor, but none of it touched Gin or me. I wished I could shut my eyes, but they refused to obey my command. While I did not like the man I had not wished to witness his death.

After wiping his blade on the Captain's coat, Gin crouched in front of me, looking deep into my eyes. "Ran, I'm going to release you now. Don't scream. Sit quietly." He murmured very quietly. A few seconds later I could feel the rope slip from my body. Swallowing hard I tried to stand but Gin stopped me. "We're probably being watched and I don't know how long I've got. The stuff that creep gave me might not work if Aizen uses his zanpakuto near me again."

Through frozen lips I asked, "What do you mean about Orihime. There's something you're not telling me?" I felt my blood cool at the possibilities.

"Aizen has other toys in reserve but for now he's screwing that girl. I tried to stop him, but until yesterday I had no means."

Tears filled my eyes. Knowing the girl as I did she might never recover. Her love for Ichigo was complete and being forced into a liaison with someone else might break her. "Is she okay?"

Gin laughed, the sound harsh and bitter. "Even though he had control of me, even though he thought he had me completely mind fucked, I tried to help her. Gave her something to make it less painful but what else could I do? He guessed and tried to get me to obey him completely before I abducted you but there was one little thing he couldn't do. After I abducted you and had you in my room, he was outside, orchestrating the whole thing, making me beat you. He never intended to let me have sex with you. I was only meant to torture you in preparation for him. I did the only thing I could; amplify your reiatsu so Captain 11 might notice."

I shook my head. I knew Gin had acted strangely and he'd never hit me before. "Why did he send you to kidnap me? I don't understand," I asked quietly, fearing we might be overheard.

"To cause uproar in the Seireitei. Mostly to distract attention. You never know what twisted plan Aizen has in his mind."

I nodded, wondering at Aizen's decision.

"The termination of my child. Was that planned?" I had to know.

Gin's grin grew wider as it often did when he had to state unpleasant truths. "We didn't know about it until the girl tried to heal you. Aizen insisted because he likes fucking virgins. He made me get your virginity restored. He conned me into believing I could have you in that little set up. I think he planned to bind us both and fuck us in turn. I've tried to keep him off the little girl, but couldn't," he took both my hands and pressed his lips to them. I felt him press something into each of them and he gave me a intent look, trying to convey a message to me. As he released my hands I curved them shut and then casually shoved one into my pocket, placing whatever it was he had given me inside. I did the same with the other hand, under the pretext of rubbing my leg.

Orihime had suffered under Aizen's hands. How would she be able to cope with his method of treating women? Aizen, everything led back to Aizen who caused all this grief in his ambition to gain absolute power. Even if he managed to do so, would it be worth it; all the deaths, the pain, the cruelty?

Our conversation was as quiet as we could keep it. I knew that if we were overheard any chance I had for escape would vanish and now I wanted Gin to come with me. I no longer loved him romantically, but I felt a depth of pity for the man who had been prevented from acting how he wished for so long. He had been my friend and had been used abysmally.

Gin continued to talk, providing a distraction to anyone who might be watching, "When you came here and I remembered some of the things we'd meant to each other and it helped me remember what I once was. It's too late…"

"It is too late for you, Ichimaru," Tosen's voice interrupted. He stood, seeming to watch us. "Wonderwice never trusted you and now I understand why. You do not truly accept as true the justice we mete out. That woman is the cause of your inability to comply and thus she must die."

Rising to his feet Gin faced Tosen and sighed loudly. "I thought I'd screwed up the screens in this room. You've got it wrong. I was lying to her. She's pregnant and Aizen wants to see what happens if he exposes a Shinigami foetus to the Hogyoku. It should be an interesting trial considering the who the father is. Aizen originally planned that she'd be pregnant by one of the Arrancar. I was just jollying her along, telling her the things her romantic little imagination wants to hear. Did you have fun watching this on the screens? Oh, wait, you're blind aren't you? You like living vicariously, because you don't know how to live."

Moving swiftly Tosen drove his blade toward my stomach. I didn't even see him draw it and pushed back in the chair, but Gin's sword pushed Tosen's away.

"She's pregnant with that animal's spawn? It can't be permitted to live, no matter the plans Aizen may have. I must kill the child and the father. If the mother perishes too, so be it. I am the hand of justice and will not be stayed." Tosen seemed upset by the news.

"Hey, calm down. Geez, you're causing me a lot of grief today, Ran. Okay, the truth is this, Tosen. The child is mine but I didn't want Aizen or Ran to know. You know how possessive he is about me and he hates Ran intensely. He hoped last time, if I watched while he fucked her, I wouldn't want her anymore. He was going to make sure it would be bad for both of us. But before that happened, you were watching on the monitor and you must have seen me slip my cock into her while her husband was beating up Aizen. I managed to come quickly because I'd been hard for her for so long and she was couldn't say anything or protest. So the kid is mine."

I was too amazed by the lies Gin was spinning. He had slipped his penis between my legs, but we did not have sex and he did not come. Retsu would have noticed and I'd been a virgin when I returned to the Seireitei. I blushed as I remembered how Zaraki had reacted and how good the sex had been when he'd finally taken me. Gin was lying, but the lie was convincing.

"Is this true?" Tosen looked at me with distaste but seemed to want an answer.

"I can't remember," I mumbled. "I was pretty badly beaten and I'm not sure I was even conscious at the time." It was a lie, but better that either agreeing or disagreeing with Gin's fabrication.

"Anyway, why are you here? I thought you were looking for Kenpachi. Didn't you say something about brining justice to him?" Gin's smile was insistent.

* * *

A.N.

Slug man is dead. Profound sadness.

Yeah, I'm lying.

Soundtrack

'Dead Memories' Slipknot

'Lost in Thought' John Hopkins

'Menouthis' E. S. Posthumus

'Science Show' Bleach Beat Collection The Best 2

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse and I need distraction.


	45. The Threat

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**The Threat**

"Ichimaru, I find it hard to believe you," Tosen stated while apparently looking in my direction. "Nor do I trust anything the woman says. The influence you and Kenpachi have exercised over her makes anything she says difficult to believe. Her feeble mind is too easily swayed by any dominant male in her life."

I knew Tosen didn't like me, but he was being unduly harsh. Perhaps he had a problem with women? Or only me?

Gin laughed lightly and said, "If only it were true. It hurts me that my comrade doesn't trust me. Then who in the Seireitei would be insane enough to trust you, Tosen? It seems we share a mutual disbelief."

Tosen moved his hand in a cutting gesture. "Your opinion of me matters not. If the woman is pregnant and bears your child, the sooner she is exposed to the Hogyoku, the more effective the contact will be on the foetus."

Gin put his hands on his hips, tilted his head back as is thinking about is and then slowly shook his head in denial. "No. Not yet. Plenty of time for that and I want to see more results from our fearless leaders' experiments. We don't want another failure like Wicey."

His expression stern Tosen quickly replied, "There is nothing wrong with Wonderwice. He is an innocent: pure of heart and spirit and recognises the same traits in me."

"Fooling yourself again, Tosen? Innocent? He had to kill and eat thousands of Hollows to evolve. Is that innocence? Or an indication of a lust for power and dominance? No Hollow, Arrancar or Espada is innocent or guiltless and neither are you. Nor am I." Gin smiled maliciously as he delivered his words.

Silence. Until now, I was certain Tosen would find some quick response to anything Gin said, but in this instance, he was correct. Hollows could only evolve by consuming other Hollows or Human souls, which did tend to remove them from the innocent category.

Then Tosen rallied and replied, "He's special. He wasn't developed like a normal Arrancar. Aizen created him. "

A shudder ran through me at these words. Aizen had created a Hollow, or more correctly, an Arrancar? I'd known he had pretensions, but to try to create such a malformed being. It did make me wonder what Wonderwice was like, as I hadn't encountered any Espada by that name. Then I dimly recalled some conversation about him attacking Kisuke, but as the man hadn't been badly damaged and Zaraki did not hold Urahara in high esteem, the situation was dismissed as unimportant. Zaraki might possibly hold Urahara over a flaming abyss, from some of the comment's I'd heard in our all too brief shared moments, but not esteem.

From the little I recalled it had appeared the creature almost barely able to function. No speech and no reasoning. Why create something that lacked the ability to reason?

Then the other matter made me shudder. Taking me into close proximity to the Hogyoku might affect my child. It couldn't be allowed to happen. The events were beginning to confuse me: the new abduction, memory loss, the revelation of Gin's attempt to gain freedom from Aizen's control, the death of Kurotsuchi, and the hallucinated dance sequence, seeing Aizen and now Tosen in addition to the other newly learned facts were difficult to take in.

I had suspicions not everything was yet disclosed. Too many things had happened which still didn't make sense. Aizen had been planning this for centuries, and had been careful and methodical in planning his strategies. Many of his plans hadn't quite worked out the way he'd anticipated due to the machinations of Urahara, Yoruichi and others who were present in the Human world.

It was no co-incidence that Ichigo had become involved, a boy who had at the possibility of obtaining the full Shinigami powers. Was this the plan of General Yamamoto?

There appeared to be plots and counter plots and sub plots woven through many of the events since Aizen met Gin, or possibly even before.

"Not that special, or that useful," Gin said slowly. "Pity Captain 12 is dead. He knows how to deal with failed experiments."

Tosen turned his face toward Gin. "I wondered at the smell and thought it might have something to do with the woman, but it is the wrong kind of smell. So, you killed him? He was our link..."

"No. He wasn't. The others had rumbled him and sent him away. He couldn't talk to his plant in his Division and he was making demands. You know how Aizen feels about other people making demands." Gin looked grim for a moment and then restored his normal expression.

"Why hasn't the carcase been removed? The smell is unpleasant," was Tosen's uncaring response.

Gin went to the door and opened it, looking out for a moment, and then turning to face us. It seemed likely he was concerned Tosen might attack me while he was looking away. Then he talked briefly to someone outside and came back to stand in front of me.

If he had shown even half this concern in the Seireitei I would have been delirious with joy, but now it only seemed sad and pathetic. Love was a strange master. When it was present, even the slightest of attention bolstered and reinforced the emotion, but once it was absent, an action which would have brought profound response seemed trite or unimportant.

A few Arrancar entered and removed the corpse with scant respect. Would anyone mourn his death? Akon might, but would his daughter? Would anyone really be sad that the man died? I felt relief, but now considering he might not be missed was disconcerting.

How could anyone estrange everyone they encountered? Was his repugnant personality to blame, his egoism, his failure to consider anyone else as an equal, his disdain of people he encountered, his superiority, and supercilious attitude? Any of these were reason enough to dislike a person, but he combined so many unpleasant traits with very few redeeming qualities. It was hard for me to like or respect a misogynist, as Kurotsuchi patently was, or a man who happily inflicted pain to gauge the reaction.

Another worry surface as Nemu might shoulder the blame for the death of her father, even though she had done nothing wrong. While it made no sense, given his influence on her and her recent experiences and decisions I worried for her. While she was now free to love Yumichika, or was it Ikkaku, would she let the death of her father interfere?

For all her life, she had been subject to censure, pain, threats of violence for any infraction or mistake. To know she was a creation of a man who constantly reminded her she was his creation and his disappointment.

Briefly I wondered why he had created a female as he obviously despised my sex, but then if he had created a male, his 'son' might later prove to be a threat. Kurotsuchi saw woman as weaker and possibly easier to control. How shocked he must have been when Nemu finally turned on him.

My attention was wandering which was a mistake. Tosen appeared to be staring at me. Gin was closing the door behind the team who had removed the body and his back was briefly to the two of us.

"It is Kenpachi's child, isn't it Lieutenant? Tell the truth," Tosen's voice was low and dangerous.

Widening my eyes and attempting to look innocent, I tried with, "I don't know..."

He made an impatient cutting gesture with his hand. "I heard all the rumours about the number of lovers you've had. Yet, since you've been with the Thug, these rumours have ceased. Perhaps it is fear, or perhaps it is real."

My past, or rather other people's version of it, followed me everywhere. It was interesting how people made assumptions based on appearance and gossip. It is easy to judge another on circumstances and expectations, even when you don't know them. As Aizen had used the gossip to discredit me it shouldn't be any surprise Tosen firmly believed the lies.

"She was nearly unconscious when it happened," Gin was once again between us. "She might not remember."

A snide smile curved Tosen's mouth. "It must hurt your pride, Ichimaru, that the woman has completely forgotten that particular sexual escapade."

Gin shrugged nonchalantly. "She remembers the others, I'm certain. So what? It's my kid."

A loathed and familiar voice interrupted. "No, it is Kenpachi's child. Don't try to lie for the woman, Gin. It is his child and it must die." Aizen had entered the room quietly.

"How do you know I'm pregnant?" I stammered. News spread very fast and as far as I knew only a handful of people were aware of my pregnancy.

"Our recently departed Captain told me. He wanted to remove the child himself and perform a few experiments on it. I remember he was debating if he should let you carry it to term, or take it earlier," Aizen said carelessly.

The words horrified me.

"It might have been interesting, but you were retrieved at some cost and I decide who lives and dies. The child you carry must die."

"Why?" I asked before considering the consequences.

"I didn't plan for it. While the man has enormous reiatsu, he has little in the way of skills or talents in which I am interested. No, your first child will be one fathered by an Espada. A few have expressed their willingness to impregnate you, but I think I might choose Yammy."

Oh, this couldn't be happening. Yammy? I'd heard about him and nothing I'd heard indicated he'd be gentle.

"You caused my first child to be killed..." I began.

"How could you have been pregnant before? Weren't you a virgin after your last visit here? Isn't it impossible for a virgin to give birth, except according to some Western religious belief," he smiled sardonically.

"I was pregnant and you know it. You wiped the child from existence before I knew it lived."

"It's interesting how information may be obtained. Not every Shinigami is noble and upstanding. Some are open to bribery for information. How do you think we knew where Orihime was when we took her? How do you think we knew how to create a diversion when we did so? You are a strange woman, Rangiku Matsumoto, mourning for a child you weren't aware you were carrying."

"You had no right!" I said trying not to spit at him.

"I had every right. A captive of war become the possession of the captor. As my possession you had no choices." How smug could a man look?

My lips were tight and while I knew my words might antagonise him, I didn't care. "You won't destroy this one as well. I am not a captive or a possession! I'll be free of you soon."

Aizen smiled and it was ugly. "If you wish to believe in fantasy, it is hard to prevent you. Now, how to rid ourselves of the spawn? I won't ask the girl to do it again as while I like it when she cries, I prefer to be the cause, not the guilt. Possibly I might permit Tosen to stab you in the stomach."

I tensed at the words. Tosen seemed to brighten at them but before he could utter a word, Gin tutted slightly and shook his head.

"Yes, you are correct, Ichimaru. Tosen might kill the woman as well and she is valuable. Pity as it might have cheered up his dismal little life." There was something strange. It was almost as if Aizen was toying with me, placing horrible possibilities in front of me only to remove them and provide an even worse scenario.

"One thing I find interesting is the effect Kyoka Suigetsu has on different people. It is not always the same. Captain Unohana resisted and managed to resist to a degree, but other people, possibly those will less intellectual ability, succumb to it very quickly."

What was Aizen talking about? Was I the person? The insult didn't matter as his opinion about me wasn't important. Had he used his zanpakuto against me? Had everything up to this point been a deception?

I heard some noise in the distance, shouting and possibly the clash of steel on steel.

Aizen snickered. "Another attempt to regain the fair Rangiku. Come Gin, Tosen. Let us go and provide another warm welcome for our one time colleagues and subordinates."

The room emptied quickly but I noticed Gin had loosened by bonds. After a brief struggle, I freed myself from the chair, ran to the door, and tried to open it, but it was locked. Now I was alone it was possible to search the room to find some way of getting out. All I found was the bed, some chairs, a table, and paper cups. No knives or cutting implements.

Then one thing, one very important thing dawned on me. Kurotsuchi was dead and so was my chance for the antidote to his poison.

My heart sank. Retsu would try to find a cure, I was certain. At the same time from what I had worked out, every time I slept after having sex with my husband, I regressed. Did this revelation mean that the pleasure I shared with Zaraki would always mean memory loss?

Then I laughed harshly. Here I was worrying about sex while trapped in a place with an egomaniac who wished to kill my child and use me as a brood mare to produce aberrations to be altered to the Hogyoku. At the same time, Tosen wanted me dead and Yammy was to be the father of my first child.

Things might get worse. Thinking this was the worst it could be might invite even worse events from occurring.

Picking up a chair, I tried hitting the door with it. It didn't make a dent. I tried a kido spell, which only singed it slightly. Now I was faced with magic doors? Not that my kido was a talent I relied upon often, yet hope was still there.

If the furniture in the room had not been made of wood, a lock pick of some kind might be fashioned. The rope was of no use either.

Trying again with the chair and kido the door remained stubbornly shut. One chair splintered and I nearly cried. My boasts about killing the dung beetle with the nuclear bomb were as hollow as Aizen's promises.

Eventually I sat on the bed and simply listened. In the distance, there was shouting and the sounds of battle. For a moment, I thought I heard Zaraki's voice and I prayed for him to rescue me. The sounds continued for some time as I tried to imagine the clash. The odds were not in our favour, but the skills were there.

Unfortunately, my friends had to work as a team and if Kurotsuchi had been spreading dissent between them, with the division between Rukia, her brother and Renji, the distraction might prove disastrous. My thought quickly reviewed the events and it seemed impossible reconciliation had been effected in the short time I'd been separated.

Then I heard what sounded like a retreat but also a loud bellowing which reminded me of Zaraki that appeared to becoming closer. As I rose to my feet, anticipating a rescue, the noise abruptly stopped.

What was going on? Something important had happened, but what was it? Why did I hear the sound of cheering? I didn't recognise the voices, but could it be?

I waited. Time passed. It passed as it normally did when I was not with my husband, slowly. My thoughts didn't settle as I again pondered the noises I'd heard. Who had won?

More time passed and I felt increasingly anxious. If the Shinigami were the victors I'd be released and with Zaraki. I began to pace the room.

The door opened and Gin entered, looking slightly sick. He moved to the bed and sat on it, not looking at me.

"What happened?"

Gin shrugged and didn't reply.

While this response was one I had experienced before, I knew I didn't have to accept it. "Tell me Gin."

"I can't. You gotta understand Rangiku, I don't know how much we say is overheard."

Now I thought I understood why he looked unwell. If Aizen had overheard some of our conversation, Gin might have some large problems to overcome.

"Look, I can tell you this. I tried to convince him it was a bad idea. He won't listen and Tosen is making things much more difficult."

From the way he spoke I knew that whatever Gin had tried to persuade Aizen against concerned me. The fear began to rise.

Gin stood, reached out and pulled me into a hug. Once this sign of affection was treasured but I still didn't want him to touch me. I tried to pull away but he put his mouth near my ear, as if he were kissing my neck and murmured, "Aizen is a sick and twisted bastard, Ran and what he has planned turns my stomach. I'm gonna try and help as much as I can."

The warning didn't dispel my fear in any way. Instead it rose. Pulling away from Gin I turned away and said, "I don't want your affection, Captain Ichimaru."

He gave me a brief nod of approval at my understanding. "Forget the man, Ran," then he giggle slightly at the unexpected rhyme before continuing. "If you promise I might be able to help you." While he spoke he made a slight negative shake of his head which he concealed by brushing back his hair from his forehead. Even if I promised, there was no possibility I'd escape the fate Aizen was planning.

An unfamiliar pink haired man before entered the room, without warning or knocking. Once I arrived safely home the door to any room in which I planned to spend time would be firmly locked to discourage any person from walking in life this.

"Is this the woman?" I looked at him, wondering what he meant. "Is this the famous Rangiku Matsumoto who managed to escape once and was swiftly recaptured? One wonders if she wished to leave in the first place." Placing his hands on his hips, he observed me with a cool glance.

My first impression of him was not favourable. He seemed to be very rude and reminded me of someone. Who was it? Not facially or physically, but his attitude and stance and air of superiority. Not Captain Kuchiki because his was from breeding and years of being told he was a noble and should act in a manner befitting his rank. No, this was more smug and overbearing.

He pursed his lips and said, "Lots of hair, lots of cleavage. Pretty enough, but too obvious for my tastes. I suppose she might be considered 'attractive' to some men, but is she really to your taste, Ichimaru?"

I definitely didn't like this man. He didn't know me, had never spoken to me and was judging me purely on my outward appearance.

Gin simply shrugged and from his stance, I knew he didn't like the person. "We were friends long before we were lovers."

"Ah," the pink haired man said, paused and then continued nastily, "That explains nothing."

"Not trying to explain anything to you, Number 8. You wouldn't listen to me anyway."

No, Gin really didn't like this person.

"While I am a perfect being, my knowledge of petty romantic interests is not," 'Number 8 persisted.

"It's none of your business. Why are you here Szayel?"

At least I now had a name for the creature. Gin's reaction to him affected mine and I sensed his appearance here was not for my good, but did concern me.

"Aizen asked me to do a few chores; you know how it is. As one of them interested me, I agreed and here I am, ready to work."

A few more people came into the room, ones I didn't recognise. "And by the way, Aizen wants to see you now. He won't listen to any excuses, so go now." Szayel said. "Your presence here is not required or wanted."

Gin said in a light-hearted way, which didn't fool me at all. "Running messages like an errand boy, Szayel? Nice you are finally learning your place."

The smirk Szayel had been wearing disappeared for a time, but then he appeared to remember his purpose and said, "I'll kill her in a second if you don't go, now," the smug smile was replaced with a malicious grin. "Or at least mar her pretty face. Which worries you more?"

Gin glared at him and then looked at me, preparing to draw his zanpakuto. He was preparing to fight for me? I shook my head and he stared at me for a moment. "Go, Gin," I said even though I knew anything that happened after he left was going to be horrid.

What was the point of trying to avoid that, which was inevitable? There might be pain but anticipating what was to happen only made the experience more painful. Gin, while able to fight well was no Zaraki. His skills with his blade were remarkable and he could defeat many foes at one time, but he did not possess the sheer tenacity of my beloved husband.

"If you hurt her, Szayel, I'll..."

"You'll do nothing, like you always do. You may speak and insult me, but take action? There have been stories circulating how once you were a formidable antagonist, but now you are little more than Aizen's lackey."

Gin's head snapped up and the anger radiated off him. "We'll settle this later, Szayel."

"I look forward to the encounter. Now get out before I start drawing patterns on her face with my nails."

Before Gin could retort, a group of Arrancar surrounded him and their sheer number was enough to ensure he complied. He left after looking in my direction once more.

I waited. The man who was now observing me with a condescending expression was an unknown quantity. I sensed he was an unpleasant individual who might consider those around him as little more than animals.

"Pity Aizen wishes to keep you alive and mostly unharmed. Assessing your strengths and weaknesses would be fun, but as you are a female Shinigami, I imagine there will be many more weaknesses than strengths."

It was difficult not to respond with a cutting remark, but it was all too evident he was attempting to obtain such a response. I simply bit my lip and shrugged.

"Nothing to say? Unusual for a woman. They always like to hear the sound of their own voice speaking, even if they say nothing sensible."

I simply looked at him. So far, he had spoken more than I and it was obvious he was very enamoured by the sound of his own voice.

"Why so silent? Can't deny anything I say?" A hint of impatience entered his voice.

I smiled sweetly and replied, "Were you talking to me? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

Szayel looked stunned until he managed to hide his surprise. "Do you know why I am here?"

I appeared to ponder the problem. "Isn't that a question most philosophers have tried to answer: the meaning of life?"

Again, his expression changed and he glared at me. "I'm not talking about the meaning of life. Don't you wish to know why Aizen sent me here?"

I kept smiling and replied, "I'm sure you will tell me why, at length and in detail sooner or later."

It might be foolish to bait the Arrancar but his overbearing attitude irked me considerably. The anger he was beginning to display was vastly more agreeable to me than the smug condescension he'd displayed until now. His glare proved few people crossed him and I'd made an enemy, though it was highly likely he wasn't going to be a friend even without my barbed comments.

He chewed on his lip for a moment, trying to make a decision. "Despite my own desires, Aizen has been very clear on what I may and may not do. For the moment, he is useful. For the moment..." again he fell silent and stared at the floor. "The game is not over yet, and there may be other chances." From his words and demeanour, it appeared he'd made a decision. "This time, his orders will be followed, but my 'superiors' have a habit of disappearing," he tittered slightly.

Should I feel sorry for Aizen? Did he really wield the control he thought he did over the Arrancar, or was this an exception? Even so, I felt the plans Aizen had for me might be slightly less unpleasant than anything this person may do. Again, I was impressed how much he reminded me of Slug Breath. Why was I so unfortunate that I met two people like him in this Afterlife?

"Pray escort me to the room I have prepared," he said mockingly as he gestured to the remaining Arrancar in the room. As far as Arrancar went these looked deformed and acted as if they had fewer mental resources than the rest. Some of them even managed to bump into each other as they formed a cordon around me and urged me to move.

Since I'd been abducted on this occasion I'd remained in the room. My memory of the previous time was sketchy and my fear had clouded much of my vision. Now I was being moved within Los Noches but had no idea where I was being taken, where I was or where my husband and friends were. I tried to feel Zaraki's reiatsu and became increasingly confused. It seemed he was close, but if he was, where was he? Or was it I noticed his reiatsu more strongly due to some unknown reason? Or was he hiding close by, ready to lead a surprise attack? I couldn't sense any familiar reiatsu close by, except Gin's, but perhaps the others were masking theirs. That might be the reason, but then why weren't they trying to hide Zaraki's?

Instead of watching where I was being led, I concentrated harder. There was little point in making many observations, I was surrounded and the strange creatures around me blocked most of my vision. We continued walking while I again tried to establish where Zaraki was. Nothing I did made it any clearer. All the events of the day, or however long I'd been under the careful control of Aizen, had tired me and concentration was becoming increasingly difficult.

Abruptly the creatures in front of me stopped. I managed to stop in time, but the ones following were not as observant and managed to bump into me. Turning, I scowled at them only to be met by either frightened or blank looks. Were these creatures even Arrancar? What purpose did they serve?

"We're here, Gin's bit. I'm sure you'll find your new accommodation much more to your taste than the previous one," Szayel said before he opened the door.

For a few minutes, I stood there staring at what lay within. It didn't make sense. There was a table, more like a bench, covered but it was clear there were things, tools perhaps, underneath. Where was the place to sit? There was no chair, no bed, not even a stool. Then I began to understand. Hanging from the middle of the room was a structure from which dangled some chains with leather covered handcuffs attached. It was possible to move the apparatus up and down and looking at it was easy to guess at least part of what was going to happen.

All the bravado I'd felt drained away at the sight. It had been almost easy to be brave when I wasn't certain what was to come. Surrounded as I was, I began to struggle. Hands grabbed me and pulled me into the room, placing me directly under the structure hanging from the ceiling.

"Are you going to beg now?" Szayel was grinning, certain of my response to his question. Instead, I shook my head. Giving him any satisfaction was impossible for any of the remaining pride I held.

"Hanging from chains is not pleasant, you know. If it is done correctly, it makes it difficult to breathe and the person chained may struggle and die from suffocation. Aizen has forbidden your death, but he didn't tell me to make you comfortable, just to keep you alive."

Even though I'd been assured many times by Gin and this man that Aizen didn't wish for my death, it didn't offer any consolation.

"It's going to happen no matter what I say, so why beg?"

"To please me?" The man tilted his head to one side as he spoke.

I said nothing in response. Whatever he wanted was of no interest to me.

In spite of my knowledge it was futile, I fought against the hands and people who were now chaining me up.

Szayel blathered on while it was happening but I didn't pay much attention to his words. Anything he said was calculated to get a particular response and it was a subtle victory not to provide what he sought.

Before he finished, Aizen entered the room to observe.

"Do you like your new accommodation, Ran? I think I might let the Arrancar enjoy you while you're there, but only after we've disposed of the little problem, "was his observation. "Or maybe I might begin where we were interrupted last time. But not yet. I have a guest who wishes to see you."

My first feeling was relief as I realised the 'guest' wouldn't be the 12th Division Captain, but the malicious pleasure in Aizen's tone indicated it would not be pleasant for me.

"Really? I don't think I can entertain anyone at present," I said through clenched teeth. The chains were beginning to pull on my shoulders uncomfortably.

"Possibly correct. Let us leave you to adapt to your new bracelets. "

Then, to my surprise, everyone left.

Time passed. The pain in my shoulders, arms, and back increased with the passing of time. I tried standing in different positions, but the apparatus didn't permit many changes and I simply tried to stand on the balls of my feet to provide some respite.

More time passed. While it was painful, it was also boring. Until now, it had never seemed possible pain and boredom could work together. Any attempt to doze made me lose my footing and swing from the chains, jarring my shoulders and causing more pain.

I had no hope that Zaraki would come to save me. He believed that I had returned home, and as the chains suppressed my reiatsu, he would not know I was still in Las Noches. I feared for my baby, as I didn't know how I could protect it as I couldn't even protect myself.

Hearing a noise, I blinked and gazed in the direction of the door that had slammed open. The light was shining directly above me and cast the rest of the room into darkness. I could not see anything. I heard the sound of sandals slapping against the floor. A large figure gradually began to form from the gloom and my heart sank, as I was sure that it was another of Aizen's tricks. There was no possibility that Zaraki would be here.

The man had his height, his build. I couldn't sense his reiatsu, and the pain made it hard for me to use my normal methods to try to work out if it was he. He was too far from me to get his scent and the stench of my own fear was too strong for me to smell anything but that.

Who was the man and was this some further torture devised by Aizen?

* * *

A.N.

This story hasn't been forgotten and is coming close to the conclusion.

Soundtrack

'Believe' The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

'Big Science' Laurie Anderson

'Enjoy the Pain' Epitaph and Norman Bates

'Chains' Soulfly

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	46. The Chains

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**The Chains**

"Who's there?" I tried to say. It sounded feeble and wavering in the room and the figure moved closer. It was still very large and becoming recognisable with each step. The way he moved, the authority he commanded was familiar, yet he was in shadows. Had someone turned out the lights? Or was there another factor at work?

"No one you know," the voice rumbled.

I knew the voice, I knew the shape, and I knew the hair. Relief shot through me, but then I wondered why he said he was someone I didn't know?

"Zaraki?" my voice rose to a squeak.

"I've been told that's my name. How do you know it, or me?" The voice was cold. As cold as the time he was talking to Captain Kuchiki after our first encounter at the bathhouse. I didn't like this at all.

Gulping, swallowing hard to restore moisture to my mouth, which had dried quickly through fear, I spoke. "I...I...I," this situation made it difficult to talk. "I know you quite well." I stuttered, trying to make my voice sound warm and friendly. It didn't.

"Sure you do. Everyone knows me. I'm the most famous guy in the world. That's why people greet me by name and then give me work to do." As he moved nearer, his face came out of shadows. It was Zaraki, or at least looked like him.

The eyes of the man looked at me without recognition and my heart sank. This was another way for Aizen to persecute me: one of the worst. 'Zaraki's' gaze swept over my body lecherously and he licked his lips. "I've been told to torture you. They didn't tell me you were a woman."

His eyes assessed me, lingering over my breasts and neck. Instead of finding this exciting, it scared me. There was no love and the lust was mixed with the desire to inflict pain. I tried desperately to see some sign, some indication he knew me and didn't plan to hurt me, but the set of his jaw indicated otherwise.

He didn't recognise me. This was terrifying. What has happened to him? What was about to happen to me?

Trying to break the increasing tension in the room, I asked, "Does that change anything?" With luck, my gender might make him decide to refuse to torture me.

The man grinned maliciously. "Makes it more fun for me."

Bitterness rose in my throat. This face indicated no compassion, no consideration, no gentleness, only need to take the desired object without considering any consequences. The words confirmed it. This was my husband as the monster most people described. A creature bent on fighting or pleasing himself in ways, which might result in death for the other participant. It seemed he had reverted to the man he was before he met Yachiru and became a protector and a leader. Now he was a man seeking blind justice from whoever had wronged him.

He moved closer and I pulled against the chains to try to get away from him even though I knew it wasn't possible. All my love remained but fear and anguish over whom he had become made me wonder if love could remain after torture. All my instincts indicated the chances were not good. I pulled harder on the chains but the agony in my shoulders made me become still and I squeezed my eyes tight so I couldn't look as this pretend Zaraki who was going to hurt me. I knew he was going to hurt me.

Until this time, I had tried to deny the slight edge of cruelty that made up part of Zaraki's character. My limited experience with men indicated that most of the men I was attracted to had a brutality, which both excited and disgusted me. Only a few times had the callousness of my husband been directed toward me and each time I'd tried to dismiss or found some excuse related to the difficulty of the situation or the unexpected nature of our relationship. Now I knew it was partially mixed in with his berserker instinct, but he appeared to be a berserker without any of the constraints or moderating influences he normally possessed. Not a man I wished to be alone with, unable to defend my child or myself.

"You're pretty tasty looking but first I've got to get rid of that monster growing inside you," he said, placing a gag over my head and securing it tightly. Being bound in chains was bad, but the addition of the gag made me struggle harder. He knew I was pregnant and was going to kill my child, the child the man he looked like had given me. Aizen was going to fulfil one of his threats, in the nastiest way possible. If this person killed my child while in the form of Zaraki, I didn't know if I would be able to forget. It would haunt me and damage my feelings for my husband. Was it possible to forgive the action? If his memories returned, would he be able to forgive himself?

How could this be happening? I knew Aizen hated me but to do this indicated deeper sadism than I'd previously suspected. He'd hurt me physically and psychologically when he'd raped me and then abducted me, but this was far worse. If I ever escaped from this situation, I'd free anyone he held captive and then punish him once I persuaded Captain Kuchiki to strip him of his powers. I knew he could do it. He'd stripped Ichigo of Rukia's powers... However, that was removing another person's powers. Would it work the same way for removal of Aizen's abilities?

Zaraki was now very close to me, I could feel it. The gag in my mouth prevented me from saying anything clearly and the fabric muffled the scream I managed.

"Let's have a proper look at you," the man said as he circled around me. "A waste to torture someone who's so hot but it's the only way they'll give me back my memory. Pity to mark this skin, but it has to be." He trailed his hand over my body; pinching my nipples and slapping my buttocks, making me rock on the chains.

The last words made my eyes start open and I looked at the face that was so close to mine. Was it Zaraki? Had they taken his memory away from him as they had tried to do to me? Aizen was now bringing my worst fears to life. Losing my child and being tortured by the man I loved who had no memory of me. Tears gathered in my eyes and I blinked hard as my eyes continued to search his face for any sign of recognition. For a second I thought the man winked at me, but that was a weird thought and the tears in my eyes made it hard to see. Maybe it was Zaraki, maybe not.

"What's the one thing women fear most of all?" the man asked me. I shook my head, how could I answer? There were many fears women had: but there were those basic ones I usually tried to ignore. I feared losing my child. I feared this was Zaraki or he wasn't. I had a wealth of things to fear.

"I've heard it's rape. My cock's hard from looking at you and I was told I could torture you anyway I wanted. As long as you lose the parasite it's my choice." He undid my shirt, which seemed wrong. If he was going to torture me, why didn't he simply rip it off?

As if guessing my thoughts he said, "Ripping off clothes means passion or lack of control. I want to see what I'm getting. Torture isn't only about physical pain."

I flinched at his words. Zaraki had never been very rough when we had sex but I was sure that if he were intent on rape, it would be a horrific experience. It was evident every time we made love he could become very forceful. Forceful was different to brutal. He wouldn't hold back if he didn't care.

"Before that, I'll see what you feel like," he said. He moved very close to me, his body standing in front of me, obscuring the camera's view of me.

I gulped hard; wishing the tears streaming from my eyes would either blind me or clear my vision. This wasn't happening. Blinking hard, I looked at his face.

Was this my husband or the stranger who'd entered the room? My vision was blurred and it wasn't easy to trust my eyes when tears obscured my sight. I thought he looked a little kinder, but my mind might be influenced by the wink I'd thought I'd seen. I didn't know. Nothing made sense and I wanted to go to sleep and hope it had all gone away by the time I woke up. Except when I woke up, I might forget everything.

My life was needlessly complicated.

'Play along, beloved," he mouthed at me as his hands began to touch me. A glance showed me the hardness had gone from his eyes and face. The man I knew and loved now replaced the cruel stranger.

The shock of his words made me jerk on the chains again and I groaned through the gag as the pain shot through my shoulders. I hoped that my reaction would be read as terror, not as shock that he knew who I was. I wondered how he had managed this. Had Aizen used the power of his zanpakuto against my husband, and if he had done so, how had Zaraki managed to dismiss it so easily?

Aizen must have used his zanpakuto, otherwise why would he assume Zaraki wouldn't recognise me and why did he attempt to wipe his memory? Admittedly, Zaraki would be a very powerful ally that might be worth the effort and Zaraki, being the man he was might not accept what he was told. A fast method to gain his trust might be wiping his memory and until now, until Gin, no one found it possible to resist Kyoka Suigest's coercion. Hope blossomed within my heart, but I tamped it down quickly. Experience indicated hope was foolish, often leading to flights of fancy that ultimately made reality more difficult to accept.

All the same, my eyes became fixed on his face, rejoicing in the recognition there and the gentle care he was attempting to disguise with choppy, quick movements.

His hands were gently caressing my breasts and in spite of everything, desire began to build within me. This was wrong, badly wrong. Was it really him?

"Nice tits," Zaraki said loudly. "Large and firm. Still want to know why I got so lucky. Some of the other weirdo's I saw looked angry they didn't get this job. Maybe they will later, once I finish with you."

His eyes were fixed on mine as he spoke and even as he said those words, I saw a spark of anger at the thought of another man touching me. "No. I don't think I'll finish with you quickly. No one gave a time limit and having seen you I don't intend to finish this fast."

The touches had aroused me even though fear fought with the growing excitement. I longed for sex, but not as much as I longed to be free of the chains and escape from the less than gentle care of Aizen. The thought of bearing a child conceived by rape from one of the Arrancar was one I kept dismissing. From the words Aizen uttered it was clear one child was not the end of his plans for me, but before any of that he wanted to terminate the child I currently carried and I knew that Zaraki wouldn't let it happen, if this was Zaraki.

If the threat came true and there was no means of escape, then there was no reason to keep living. Until now, I had tried to ignore the horror of my situation. Escape was my focus and had been even when it became apparent that Gin might be able to provide little in the way of assistance or even protection. What effect had his servitude had on him? While he may be gaining back some control, the freedom might not be enough or too late to help.

My thoughts became confused as Zaraki growled slightly under his breath, obviously aware he didn't have my full attention. Normally all my focus would be on him, but the circumstances were unexpected.

"Look at me, woman. Look deep into my eyes. See what you will learn to fear," his voice rasped.

Startled I looked into his eyes, which held a warning and lust. I liked the lust. The warning only reminded me how dangerous the situation was and if I responded in the wrong way, we both might be captured and separated.

As he spoke, his hand slipped under my pants and between my legs, touching my clitoris the way that made me want him immediately.

"You're wet. What sort of slut are you? Getting excited at the thought of some guy raping you? I don't think I'll wait."

First stripping me of my hakama, Zaraki freed his cock and pulled my legs around his waist holding me higher than the chains and bringing some relief from their pull on my shoulders. He thrust into me hard, burying his cock deep within me. I arched against him, longing for the physical contact and the reassurance of lust.

This was wrong. He was pretending to rape me for Aizen's benefit and all I could think about was much I wanted him, even though it was highly possible people were watching. I couldn't move and I dangled there, helplessly while he fucked me hard, driving his penis into me as he whispered in my ear. "I love you. We'll get out of this."

I moaned around the gag which muffled the sound but it was still discernible. It also sounded like a noise created through pleasure than pain and though I was so close to orgasm, the sound made me worried. If anyone watching overheard that noise, it might be possible for them to realise something was wrong with the situation, but so right for me.

Tightly closing my eyes, I desperately tried to stifle any other involuntary noise. I didn't want to as the pleasure receded with the concentration, but I tried all the same.

Zaraki must have noticed my attempts because he stilled slightly. Opening my eyes, I gazed at him, trying to communicate my fears. To my amazement, he seemed to understand.

"I want to hear you screaming in terror," Zaraki said with a roughness to his voice as one hand undid the gag. "Scream, make it sound like pain," he whispered.

He began moving again, faster, driving himself into me and all my lust and pleasure returned in a rush.

I couldn't help myself. I did scream. I didn't know if it sounded like pain or pleasure because I was coming and even though the situation was desperate it didn't matter for those brief seconds. I felt his body shudder with mine and he too reached his climax.

The experience was exciting, yet at the same time, I worried about the situation. I hated feeling people were watching, but managed to ignore it while with Zaraki, for some moments. While he was here and promising escape, how could we? There were cameras in the room, I was sure Arrancar were posted out the room and while my husband was amazing, sheer numbers might overwhelm him. Did they have a plan? Had Ichigo managed to stop sulking? Was Renji still furious about his 'betrayal'? Did Nemu know about her father's death? What about Rukia?

The Seireitei invasion forces were fiercely divided when I'd been abducted again. While it was very probable, Captain Kurotsuchi fostered the ill feeling when he was present, the resentment might remain even after his death. Should I tell Zaraki of his death? Now wasn't the time.

The thoughts had passed quickly through my mind and his movement of withdrawal broke the disjointed chain of random thoughts. Zaraki still supported me so the chains did not drag at me but my shoulders still ached. The whole thing was confusing. I hurt, felt humiliated, angry, scared and overwhelmed with pleasure. It was difficult to try to hide that mix of emotions. My confusion led to me nearly resting my head on Zaraki but he moved back quickly.

His voice was hard and the words, crude. "Fuck, woman. Look at my dick. You'll have to clean it off," as he spoke, he undid the chains holding me. "Kneel and suck me. Lick me clean, slut."

The chains dropped. Relief was instantaneous, in spite of the pain that didn't disappear immediately. His words didn't matter. It might be a clumsy way of hiding the reason he released me but I gratefully knelt at his feet, pleased to be free of the chains, and took his cock into my mouth.

Growling he said loudly, "They told me to keep you chained, but I'm in charge. You can't escape me, woman. Ever. As long as I want you, you'll be there for me."

Even in this situation, it was a reminder of our bond. To anyone who didn't know our relationship it sounded like the words a man might say to his captive, but it made me remember of his need for me and mine for him. I licked around his cock and then drew it further into my mouth.

Zaraki crouched over me; thrusting his hips forward, as his hands massaged my shoulders, removing some of the pain and tension. I sucked on him, confused by the situation, but agreeing with his words. I was acting like a slut, wanting him badly in this situation. I licked his cock lingeringly, wishing we were truly alone.

"You like sucking cocks, do you? You're little more than a whore," Zaraki said loudly and he continued to try to soothe the pain in my joints. His cock had stiffened as I lapped at him. "Damn, you got me hard again. I'll just fuck you again and then torture you, or maybe I'll fuck you to death. That might be fun," he said.

He pulled away from me and I remained on my knees, pleased not to be on my feet, or toes. I didn't like the words but knew he was playing a part. Until now, I would have never believed my husband could adopt a role so easily. He didn't seem the type of man who could act, but he'd convinced me and his presence here proved he'd convinced Aizen, a man who had managed to hide his true purpose for years from even those closest to him. Fooling a man who'd fooled Captain Yamamoto meant there were further depths I hadn't suspected.

Moving to the table I'd briefly noticed before, Zaraki ripped off the cover. My eyes widened as I looked at what it contained. There were a variety of instruments that could inflict pain laid out in neat rows. Some of them simple tools, others that looked as if they were specifically designed to cause pain to different parts of the human body. My blood ran cold and I hugged my arms around my quivering body, fearful that this wasn't my husband and that I had given myself freely to a man out of the need to believe. He picked up a few of the tools and looked at them.

A pair of snips he picked up sounded very loud as he opened and closed them. "Too large. Want something smaller and shaper, he said and threw them on the ground."

Picking up a long and pointed piece of metal, he scowled at it. "Either too thin or too thick. Useless." It joined the other tools on the floor.

Various 'tools' were duly picked up and discarded quickly until Zaraki picked up a tool I couldn't identify. He frowned deeply at it as he examined it closely.

"There's some blood on it. Yeah, nice," he said and I shuddered at the tone of his voice. "But I want the table, not the tools." He grabbed a handful of those left and threw them seemingly in my direction, but I noticed one was aimed directly at the camera to my left. I heard the tinkle of broken glass as the lens was smashed. "What the fuck do I need these things for?" Zaraki yelled, showing a fit of temper as he threw the next tool at the other camera that broke. "I have my hands and my dick. Why do I need bits of metal?"

"Are there only two cameras', beloved? Where are the microphones?" Zaraki whispered as he crouched in front of me, his eyes looking at me with worry.

I nodded. "All the cameras. The microphones? I don't know." I answered as quietly as I could, marvelling again at how Zaraki could whisper. I thought his voice only had two volumes, but this experience was teaching me a great deal about my husband.

"Oh, fuck those stinking traitors. They hurt you." Tenderly he picked me up and held me close to him. Now the chains were off and I had some time to compose myself I could feel his reiatsu. It was Zaraki. I tried to hug him, but moving my arms hurt. He placed me on my feet, removed his Captain's coat, wrapped me in it, and then carried me over to the table.

"I'll try to be gentle, but I have to screw you again before we try to escape. My cock is too hard for me to be able to concentrate and it makes walking problematic," he told me.

I almost laughed. This was stupid. He'd been sent to torture me, but he came to save me. We could have Arrancar in the room at any moment and he wanted sex. I wanted sex too, but this was a bad decision. "Can't it wait?" I asked.

"No. You want me, I can tell, don't you?" His mouth was against my neck, sucking gently at the base. He knew how to make me react even though time was precious and anyone could be lurking outside. I hoped any microphones were not very sensitive.

"Of course, but maybe we should be escaping," I tried to sound convincing but no one listening would believe me. "Now." I added to try to convince myself.

"We'll escape soon. Yachiru should be nearby. She's got clothes and your zanpakuto. We weren't sure what they'd done to you," as he spoke, he rubbed my shoulders. They began to feel better under his strong fingers and then he lay me on the table and penetrated me quickly. He exhaled sharply as soon as he was inside. "Fuck woman. From the way you're reacting, you want this as much as I do."

"Yes," I groaned.

The sex was once again fast and passionate. The table shook and for some brief seconds I wondered if I should worry if it was stable, but the pleasure overwhelmed me. Danger surrounded us and we both decided to delay our escape for sex. Even though Zaraki had initially showed the most interest, I was easily convinced and responded quickly.

His lips were on my face, my neck, and my breasts as he continued to drive into me. I could feel my body tensing and cried out, not caring about the danger or anything but the surge of feelings racing through me.

Zaraki yelled my name at the same time.

Seconds passed and he withdrew, reluctantly from his expression and pulled me to my feet gently. "Get dressed beloved. We have to make an escape and then meet the others. No more waiting around. We take the fight to them."

I pondered his words while dressing. Taking the fight to the Arrancar was exactly in character for Zaraki and made me wonder why he only decided to do this now.

* * *

A.N.

Finally finished this. Going to Japan for a break.

Okay. One of the disasters in my life is mostly dealt with. Mostly. Hoarders are not fun.

Soundtrack.

'Memories in a Sea of Forgetfulness' BT

'Waiting' Mark Walton

'Love Movement (Ulrich Schnauss Remix)' Revtone

'Escape from New Yorkshire' I Monster

Review. Review sometimes amuse.


	47. The Foe

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**The Foe**

What did I expect when we tried to leave the room? Befuddled by satisfied lust, hope, love and residual pain I wasn't really thinking. I trusted my husband and believed no one was waiting outside the door, confident in the power of Kyōka Suigetsu. Why would Aizen begin to doubt its power now? Again, I wondered how Zaraki had remained immune to its influence.

Then I noticed Zaraki was not carrying his zanpakuto. Not that he needed it, or relied on it when fighting, but it meant both of us were without weapons. I couldn't recall seeing it since I was abducted. Then I concluded they wouldn't give a prisoner access to a weapon. No one would leave someone like me with any form of defence, if they had the choice.

"Beloved, grab anything sharp and dangerous," Zaraki said as soon as he rearranged his clothes. "I'm going to carry you out of here. Pretend you've fainted, near death or something."

I stared at him, incredulous. We weren't simply going to walk out of here even if I seemed unconscious. "That won't work."

He bit his lip, frowned heavily at me, and glanced around the room. The he picked up the sharpest object he'd thrown on the floor. It looked cleaner than most, the sharp edge glinting in the light but the white handle looked odd compared to the black or brown handles of the other implements. It wasn't a knife, not in the conventional sense as the instead of sharpening to a point expanded to a wide flat edge.

"What is that? Why is it here?" I asked. The blade looked sharp, wrongly so.

"A chisel," Zaraki said. "Someone's sharpened it to a knife blade edge. It could inflict some severe wounds and might leave scars, if the person survived. It's clean."

The expression on his face concerned me. He seemed to contemplate the article with a mixture of disgust and fascination. "Only someone intent on causing permanent damage would sharpen a chisel like this. The edges are usually flatter as they are meant be forced into an object and to cut it."

My discomfort grew.

Zaraki undid his shirt and poised the blade over his side. "I'll cut myself a bit, a few more scars won't matter. We'll smear the blood over you, especially your neck and they'll think I've hurt you, maybe killed you. Can you pretend to be dead?"

The more I heard of this plan the less I liked it. Pretending to be dead wasn't a good idea. Often the claim wouldn't be believed unless proven beyond all doubt. Zaraki might be fierce but could he fight off all the Arrancar and Espada? What it they wanted to check pulse, breathing or taste my blood, or even absorb me? I didn't like this idea and the more time that passed the more fear grew.

"No, maybe pretend to be dying," he said as he caught sight of my expression.

Putting aside my fear, or at least attempting to do so, I smiled wryly. "I've had one or two experiences with dying," was my reply. "Not that I remember much, except it wasn't pleasant."

He jabbed the chisel into his side and smeared blood over my neck, chest and face. "Gotta make this look real," he said as he stained my clothes with blood. "Have to make it look like you were raped so they might believe you've miscarried."

"Zaraki, that's enough! You're losing too much blood. What's the point of going to the effort of rescuing me if you die from blood loss as a result?"

I quickly tied a bandage made from some discarded cloth and wrapped it around his body. It wasn't clean but it was better than letting the wound freely bleed, or so I reasoned. We'd soon be out of here and might meet up with Retsu shortly to join forces. The main objective was to rejoin the others, alive.

"No point in living if you die," Zaraki said gruffly.

I stopped tying the bandage and looked at my husband. "Don't you ever say that!" I told him fiercely. "When our child is born we both have to remain alive to raise it. I don't remember my parents and it's hard growing up in Soul Society alone."

He nodded and grimaced as if at an unpleasant memory. "Yeah. Stealing food and sleeping rough isn't going to happen to our kids. They'll have a home."

"Give me your word," I demanded as I completed bandaging my husband to prevent him dabbing more blood on my clothes or face. It might be a problem if the blood dried but I knew Zaraki was not prepared to wound me or let me wound myself.

"You have my word, Matsumoto. You give me yours that you intend to live and grow old with me."

"I'll try. Let's leave this place and join the fight again. I want to destroy any threat to our future." Was I truly saying this? Yes, I was and it was true. Our future was worth the effort and our child should live hopefully, if not in complete peace at least with an armed truce. I didn't want to kill all the Hollows, only those that were a threat.

Were all the Hollows and Arrancar a threat?

I did wish to see Aizen dead. One of my enemies had been killed in front of me and I was glad he no longer posed the same threat but Aizen was alive, wielding the power of his zanpakuto and still controlling Hueco Mundo.

Zaraki ran his eyes over me. "You look pretty messed up. Could you do something with your hair? It looks too neat and might give us away."

'My hair?" I sighed but caught his expression. "Yes." Placing my hands in it I ruffled it and knew it was going to take some serious time with a comb or brush to get it back under control later."Is this okay?"

Zaraki grinned. "Reminds me of how you looked after our first night together."

I laughed. There was no point in blushing and I enjoyed the memories. "At least you didn't say the first time we slept together."

"Precious little sleeping. Damn it. Why are we here? Why aren't we back in my quarters?"

"Aizen," I ventured.

"Yeah, fucking Aizen. Wants to be King of Heaven and rule over all of us like we're serfs or something. Let's get out of here and back to the others. We've been skulking around too much. Now we have no one giving out inside information we'll take the fight to Aizen and end this."

He'd said it before but I still agreed with him and smiled. "Ending this is a good plan. I want to go home and have a nap... with you."

He picked me up, holding me close in his arms. "Stop smiling and look like you're dying."

Following his instructions, I slumped in his arms, letting one of my arms fall. "You might find that uncomfortable after a while. Let your head droop, keep your eyes closed and try to look like you're in pain."

"You mean focus on the pain I am feeling?" I hated sounding as if I was complaining but it seemed wiser to focus on something, which was real, rather than pretend something I wasn't feeling.

Zaraki nodded coldly, as if not wishing to acknowledge my question. "I can't think of it now, beloved. Knowing they hurt you enrages me so much I almost let the berserker out, but I can't. Not now. Not until I know you're safe."

"Should I groan? It does hurt."

'Whimpering would be better."

"I don't whimper. You can get groaning or nothing."

"Groaning makes me think of fucking you and I can't think of it. I have to be alert and ready to act at any moment."

Typical Zaraki, everything reminded him of sex. "I'll cry. Weak crying."

His lips thinned but he nodded. "Right."

As he opened the door, I finally permitted the pain I was feeling to wash over me. It wasn't difficult to let my head loll or for tears to seep out my eyes. Fear added to the reason for tears and I made a few weak crying noises. It was hard to look under my lashes to see if anyone was around due to my vision being obscured by the tears but I heard Zaraki exclaim with what sounded like satisfaction. He walked swiftly but stopped after turning a corner.

"Where are you taking the woman?" It was Tosen's voice. One of the people I'd sincerely wished we hadn't met.

"Your boss said I could do what I liked with the woman. I want to take her somewhere I can fuck her as long as I want."

"That was not the idea. Is she miscarrying?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to know? Do I look like a fucking gynaecologist? Look, whatever your name is, get out of my way and I won't hurt you. The woman is mine until your boss says otherwise. Understand? I'd like to fight you, but I can't do it while I'm carrying her." Zaraki sounded bored and annoyed. It was the best combination at this point.

"He is not my boss," Tosen sounded sulky. I made some sobbing sounds and rolled my head to indicate pain so he wouldn't look too close. "I will consult him about this."

"Yeah, go and consult him as much as you like. Whatever. Knock yourself out with consulting him, have dinner, grow mushrooms, just get out of my way."

"You will not keep the woman, Kenpachi."

Zaraki stiffened and bellowed. "Who the fuck is this Kenpachi asshole you keep talking about? I can't see him and don't care if I never meet him. As for the woman, she's mine for the moment, so get out of my face and out of my way."

"It might have been more fun if Aizen had left a little of your memory," Tosen murmured as he walked past. "Do not fear. I will make certain everything is in order."

It seemed odd to hear Tosen mention the word fun. Everything I thought I knew about the man indicated he and fun had only met briefly and the meeting did not result in a lasting friendship. Having never seen the man smile, I wondered if the reason was because he found amusement at things which might cause others pain.

Zaraki snorted, almost as if reading my thoughts. "Yeah, you look like a real fun guy. Geddit. Fungi?"

It was hard not to groan at one of the worst and out of context jokes I'd ever heard. It was unlike any joke I'd heard Zaraki make which in some ways was a good camouflage but I sincerely hoped he'd stop making puns. Tosen had not shown much response and I thought I discerned a subtle distaste at the joke but couldn't be sure.

"Your sense of humour has deteriorated along with your manners. I will return shortly. Do not move."

"Fuck you and your orders. I'll go where I fucking want when I want. Clear? Get out of my way and don't bother me again."

"I could kill both you and the woman where you stand," Tosen snarled.

I felt a hitch in my chest. Aizen wanted me alive but it was obvious Tosen didn't really wish to honour that order. He still hated me for whatever reason or maybe hated me because Zaraki loved me.

Zaraki tensed. His fingers dug into me and I made a loud, incoherent protest and pretended I was trying to escape from him in case Tosen thought I seemed too comfortable. "Pumedown," I mumbled thickly.

"She is not quite dead but not aware of her surroundings. She will die easily, Kenpachi if you don't pay attention to me." Tosen said heavily.

"I told you, I don't know this Kenpachi and I don't pay attention to humourless fuckwits who stand in my way."

I heard Tosen draw his blade and wondered what would happen next.

"You really want to do this? Your fighting skills must be pretty bloody weak if you want to fight a man who is carrying a woman, but okay. If that's what you want. Hold it a moment."

Wondering what Zaraki would do it seemed obvious he'd have to put me on the floor but obvious and Zaraki don't mix. "She's pretty banged up, but if I put her down you might get someone to take her," he said as he flung me over his shoulder. This move scared me, as I was sure I'd impede his fighting. Then I remembered he didn't have his zanpakuto, only the torture tools we'd picked up. I struggled to get down only to feel his large hand on my back. He didn't say anything, but it seemed he wished me to stay where I was.

"Don't have a big blade like you. I'll have to use this knife," he said and I hoped it was the longest knife we'd found. It was about half the length of a zanpakuto, but at least it was a sharp weapon.

Tosen coughed. "Even though you are impeded I will not make things easy for you."

Zaraki laughed. "I don't know you but know you enough to not expect you to make things easy. Probably wouldn't have challenged me if it wasn't to your advantage."

Why was Zaraki goading him? "Are you implying I am without honour?" Tosen exclaimed, disbelief evident in his voice.

"Not implying."

I felt Zaraki jump back as Tosen reacted to the insult. I heard the whistle, felt the wind of a blade passing close to me, and tried not to flinch. "See, you are without honour. Good thing you signal your moves so blatantly," Zaraki continued.

I didn't want to be slung over Zaraki's shoulder while he alternatively goaded and fought with Tosen. How could anyone in this position feel safe? Yet if I tried to get down, my pretence at dying wouldn't hold. Why did Tosen have to appear now? What was he trying to achieve?

"I've always hated you and anyone with whom you are friends. How dare you corrupt the good name of the Seireitei!"

Tosen sounded more animated than I'd heard except when he was threatening the life of my child. When he was Captain, he hardly ever showed any discernible emotion and spoke little. Either the environment or something else had changed him and it proved that not all change is good. He was trying to enrage my husband and I hoped he'd chosen the wrong tactic.

"Don't react, Zaraki," I prayed.

I felt movement as they fought and heard the blades clash together. It was sometimes difficult to maintain my balance and I noticed Zaraki kept the side of his body where I was turned from Tosen. It worried me as he couldn't fight unimpeded but it was important I remain in character. "Don't know what this Seireitei thing is or what your beef is with whoever you think I am." Zaraki sounded amused. "Hey, if you hate this guy maybe he might be interesting to talk to. Fun, even."

"Give it up, Kenpachi. I know you're in there. Stop pretending." Tosen panted. It seemed odd that a former Shinigami Captain would be panting this early into a fight.

Then there was another flurry of movement, which jounced me severely. I moaned at the pain it was causing my bruised shoulders and Zaraki again reached up to place his large warm hand on my back. Once more, I tried to relax but it wasn't the most comfortable position or relaxing situation.

"The only one pretending here is you. You're pretending you can fight, but you're pretty hopeless even against a person like me. Look at you. You're panting like the dog you are." Was Zaraki trying to end this quickly by angering Tosen?

"I AM NO DOG! I'm a better man than you'll ever be."

"Yeah, bark away, whatever your name is. Spot? Rex? Towser?"

I had to stifle a giggle as Towser sounded a little like Tosen.

I felt Zaraki tense under me and knew his foe was about to attack. Obviously the man didn't like being called a dog or by dog names. Zaraki turned to one side, placing me behind him and I feared this disadvantage might make it even more difficult to fight. The way he moved, I had the feeling Tosen was directing his attack at me and Zaraki was compensating for that. Why didn't he put me down so he could end this quickly?

A flurry of movement, or so it seemed and I felt a shudder go through Zaraki's frame. Did it mean he had been stabbed? What was happening? It was frustrating and terrifying to be in a fight but not. I couldn't see the movements, only feel them and anticipate who was winning. Staying passive was difficult but I bit my lip hard and tried to remain still. My husband didn't sag or stagger but I heard someone slump to the floor with a convincing thud. This sound without vision was driving me crazy.

"Might want to get that little stab wound looked at. Now will you leave me alone?" It was Zaraki's voice.

"You have blood on your lip, Kenpachi. You must be wounded too," was the gasping answer.

"Nope. It's not my blood, but yours. If I see someone I'll tell them you're bleeding out, or not," Zaraki said as he with deliberate casualness removed me from his shoulder and held me within his arms again. Without moving my eyelids much I tried to look at Tosen. From the little I could see, Zaraki had stabbed him in the stomach, a wound that could cause complications if not treated quickly. "I'll take your blade in case I meet any more of your friends."

Tosen groaned and protested. "You cannot separate a Shinigami from his blade."

"Look, if you're here you're obviously not a Shinigami, not that I believe in Death Gods. Next you'll try to convince me I'm one again. You have a sword, I don't and I need one. Spoils of battle."

Zaraki picked up the zanpakuto and walked off swiftly.

"Come back. You can't take my zanpakuto." Tosen was crawling on the floor after us but our speed left him behind quickly.

"Not even his zanpakuto, silly twit. Bit of bad luck, that. The guy seems convinced that Aizen's zanpakuto didn't work on me and he's right. Sorry about that beloved. I played dirty to get him out of the way quickly. I remembered his moves from last time. Damned lazy and sloppy fighter. The fact he hates fighting doesn't help."

"Was it his blood, Zaraki?"

"Yeah, but don't worry. I didn't taste it."

It seemed now I could ask him the question that had been puzzling me since I'd realised Kyōka Suigetsu didn't seem to affect Zaraki.

"Why didn't Aizen's zanpakuto affect you, beloved?"

Even though he kept moving as fast as he could while walking, it seemed he hesitated slightly. "My natural ability."

His natural ability for what? No one had a natural immunity to that power and it was all too evident he was trying to hide something from me. There was one solution I'd thought of but wanted confirmation I was correct. "Zaraki!"

There was a definite pause and with a great amount of reluctance, he uttered the name I expected.

"Ichimaru."

"Gin? What did Gin do?" It seemed my suspicions were correct, but he may as well tell me everything.

"He slipped something into my hand with a note when I was captured. I hid it in my sleeve and managed to look at it just before I was taken to Aizen. It said it would protect me from Kyōka Suigetsu. Look, I was in a bad position. I decided to trust the guy and it worked."

This was not the Gin who'd become a Captain. This was more the action of my one time friend and love that cared enough to protect me from Aizen any way he could. Tears pricked my eyelids as I began to comprehend the amount of sacrifice Gin had made for me. Sending me away so Aizen wouldn't target me for further harm, pretending disinterest and distaste until he was fully under the power of Aizen who then directed him to remove the threat, which was I.

"I think the guy still loves you, despite what happened earlier," Zaraki's reluctance to say the words made his voice gruff.

"I love you more beloved. He is my past, you are my future."

"It is hard for me to work that guy our, except I get that he's been under Aizen's control for some time."

I heard movement ahead. "Pretend you're dying again. Group of damned Hollows ahead and I don't know if they're Arrancar of Espada."

Trying to appear totally without strength, I shut my eyes and let my head fall back. I hoped we'd get out of here soon. It seemed dangerous for both of us to keep pretending. Eventually someone would become suspicious and while I felt Zaraki had done really well at pretending a complete memory loss, he might eventually make a mistake. The more contact we had with people the more chance of a mistake.

"We've been waiting for you, well for the woman," a voice I didn't quite recognise said.

"Mine now. You can have her when I'm finished." Zaraki sounded unconcerned. "She's pretty badly hurt and I know men like you want someone conscious and aware of what you're doing. Yeah, that reminds me. The guy with the attitude problem and the dark glasses sort of got himself hurt and might need help."

I heard the sound of laughter and wondered why.

"He's not our concern," one voice said.

"Yeah, tell Aizen or Ichimaru or Ulquiorra, someone who cares."

"Don't know who they are."

"Do you know Tosen? Try telling him," one of them said and laughed bitterly.

"Isn't he popular?"

Why was Zaraki asking questions? I thought the idea was to get away as quickly as possible and here he was chatting away with the enemy. There was nothing I could do because any indication I was conscious and listening might place us in further danger.

"Arrogant prick thinks he's better than us because he used to be a Shinigami Captain. If that's so great, why is he here?"

"If the Seireitei is better than here, why did he leave?"

"Guy talks about honour when he's a bleeding traitor. How can you believe anything he says?"

None of the speakers seemed to like Tosen. When he'd been in the Seireitei, at least his Division had respected him. Here he had no respect and no power. Did he regret his treachery? On the other hand, was his thirst for vengeance against all Shinigami more important than anything else? The little I knew about the man indicated that anything could be sacrificed to achieve his ends. The bitterness and resentment he held within him blinded him to anything else.

"Yeah, the guy is blind in more ways than one," one of the Hollows, offered. "Only has one person who likes him and he's retarded."

"Says a lot," Zaraki said.

I stirred and mumbled nonsense in an effort to stop the conversation and move on. "Oh, yeah. Forgot I had unfinished business."

"Give her to us now and we'll return her when we've finished."

I began to tense.

"Told you. The boss man said I could have her until I'd finished and I've not finished." Zaraki again sounded unconcerned.

A hard voice said, "I don't want to wait. Give her to me now."

"No. Get out of my way. I said she's mine until I'm finished with her." Zaraki raised his voice and began to sound angry.

"Want to fight me?"

The sigh said so much. I could almost hear Zaraki thinking, "Why do people want to fight when I can't and don't want to fight when I do?"

"Put the woman down and we'll fight," the hard voice continued.

"For some reason, I don't think I'll do that."

"Why?"

Zaraki laughed. "I have trust issues with people I don't know. I don't know you, don't want to know you and can tell from our brief acquaintance that I don't like you."

I began to panic. This situation was turning sour. Even though I was with my husband and trusted him completely, neither of us knew who we were facing.

* * *

A.N.

This was written during many, many, many interruptions from family. People, give me a break!

Soundtrack

'The Huntmaster' Alestorm

'Disco Mushroom' Infected Mushroom

'Unmask' Pierrot

"Coming Back to You," Battleships

Review. Reviews sometime amuse.


	48. The Trash

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**The Trash**

"Don't care if you or the women like me. I only care about her mouth and what's between her legs. Aizen said we could have her and you, whoever the fuck you are, tell us we can't. Your opinion doesn't matter," the one who seemed to think he was the leader said. I wondered why his hair was blue. It seemed a strange colour.

Putting aside the colour of his hair, as soon as he spoke I knew we had a problem. Zaraki was possessive, to put it mildly, and to have another man talk about me in this way wasn't going to make him calm, or even rational. The calm didn't worry me too much but when Zaraki became irrational, it often led to problems, for everyone else.

Then he shocked me. "My opinion doesn't matter?" I opened one eye a little to see his face and noticed he had his wide, manic grin. This did not bode well for the person who spoke. "Are you sure? Are you so important, you can overturn a decision made by your king?" The sarcasm was thick and heavy in his voice.

Another one spoke with anger and disdain. "That Shinigami is not our king. We have one we follow and we don't kowtow to any fucking Shinigami freak no matter what power he has. Shinigami's are our enemies but fucking one, especially a tasty one, is our privilege."

Once again I expected a violent reaction to the comments. Even covered with blood they found me attractive, or was it because I was covered in blood, weak and an enemy they liked the idea? Fear again rose in me. No matter how it was dressed up, these creatures intended to rape me and rape was only a crime of hatred and control. Men who raped often tried to justify their actions but there was no justification.

"He thinks he is your king and you don't get the woman. Understand?"

One who hadn't spoken until now growled, "You don't understand. We take, you watch, if you want. Stay out of my way or I will crush you. Might do so anyway. Could get bored while waiting."

"Beloved, I can't hold you and fight at the same time," Zaraki said as quietly as he could.

Instead of answering I put pressure on his hand to let him know I heard and understood.

"Can you fight?" he asked as quietly as he could, though it seemed certain anyone would hear the rumble of his voice.

I had to think about it. Could I fight while exhausted and emotional with sore arms? Did it matter how I felt? Not now. Those things didn't matter as much as escaping from this current predicament. I'd rather try to escape then struggle and fail at protecting myself from rape. After my previous experience I was scared I might freeze out of terror and not be able to do anything except feel horror and disgust as the creatures proved how much they loved power at any cost to others.

"I will fight," I said, my voice sounding surprisingly firm.

"There are at least 6 of them. I can take most of them if you stay in the background, but one of them might try to attack you or whatever while I'm fighting," Zaraki told me as he backed away a little.

"Why are you backing away, Shinigami? Scared?" a new voice jeered.

Zaraki laughed heartily at that. "Scared of a bunch of Hollows with supersized egos and small testicles? Don't think so."

"Watch your words," one of the Arrancar growled which was the response Zaraki wanted.

"Does the size of our testicles matter?" another queried in a dry tone. "I heard that the size of the penis is more important than the size of the scrotum."

"Shut up," another one told him. "He's insulting us."

"Of course he is. Don't Shinigami always insult our kind because they have this stubborn and rather unconfirmed belief they are better than us?" the dry voice asked. "As yet, I have to be convinced."

"Why are you here anyway, Starrk? You are usually too interested in sleeping and keeping away from the rest of us."

"I felt like a walk and happened upon this interesting situation. I thought it might pass the time, watching a fight between Shinigami and Arrancar in a place where we have the advantage. I don't know why I even thought it might be interesting. A moment of synaptic impairment, perhaps. Possibly due to not enough sleep," Starrk replied lazily. "Don't worry. I won't interfere, Grimmjow. Have your fun."

I peered through my eyelashes. There were now 5 possible combatants as 'Starrk' had indicated his disinterest in fighting. As I didn't know him I was uncertain if his disinterest was real or feigned. All the Arrancar were males which didn't surprise me. One had blue hair and part of his face was obscured with a skull. Another was very large and I wondered if he was a tall as Zaraki. He was certainly broader and this one, while sneering, looked less intelligent than the others. One of the others who was very tall and thin seemed to have a bone mask obscuring one eye who seemed to be smiling widely, sneer firmly in place with a large circular 'hat' on his head. Briefly I wondered if it was an essential skill that was a pre requisite to being awarded Arrancar status. The last wore an eye patch and appeared to have a circlet of bone on his forehead and a green blue mark on his cheek. He stood behind the one who had his eye obscured by his Hollow mask.

Appearances meant little but all except the one they called Starrk were observing Zaraki with contempt and derision. It made me wonder if they knew who he was and what traits he had or if they didn't really care and simply despised all Shinigami because of who we were. I recalled seeing the blue haired one before for a short time but had trouble remembering and wondered if I was imagining things.

Then I remembered. Many of these Arrancar had appeared in that weird vision I'd had of Gin singing to me and these were some of the dancers. I wanted to laugh and shake my head at the memory. Why was I thinking about such strange imaginings now when my life was once again at risk? That dream/vision made no sense then and made no sense now.

Also I was certain I'd seen some of these when I was posted in the real world and had to fight off the attack while our powers were limited and I'd been separated from Zaraki. Only one or two seemed familiar from that time and I was pleased not to see those I thought dead, resurrected. All this thinking and guessing didn't help.

"Slip me behind you and put me down," I murmured quietly. "Have you chosen who you want to fight?"

"Yeah. You okay fighting the one who doesn't want to fight and the one with the blue hair?"

I considered it. The big, broad one had a very long reach which would put me at a disadvantage as did tall thin one with the strange hat. The one's he'd chosen to fight were tall so it made sense he would fight them though the one with the blue hair worried me. If I was correct he'd fought Ichigo and the fight had been very close. Without bankai and in my weakened state I wasn't sure I would be able to defeat him or even hold him off for any length of time. The main things I remembered was he'd had his arm cut off, which couldn't be true as he had both of them, and he was arrogant, but he was a male Arrancar. He'd also fought Rukia and she had once told me how she'd feared her abilities did not match hers.

Yet the truth was I had to do something. Zaraki couldn't fight all the Arrancar by himself, or at least not if he was trying to protect me at the same time.

Zaraki slid my body onto his back and gently set me on my feet. "Don't get hurt, don't die and give the guy grief," he instructed me quietly. "I know you don't want to fuck either of them so I'll trust you on that."

A grim smile curved my lips. No one could match Zaraki as far as sex but all the same I was left with the problem of fighting Stark and the blue haired Arrancar. "Don't die and don't fuck anyone else," I told him.

"Beloved, in case you haven't noticed, they are all male," Zaraki said. "The chance of me fucking one is less than me fucking them over."

I sidled back to the wall and watched him walk toward the Arrancar. "You want the woman, you'll have to fight me. All at once or individually, I don't care."

"You're stupid if you think you can defeat all of us," the biggest one said. "I want to fight you first because I'm the strongest and will finish you quickly."

"Why don't we all fight him together, Yammy," the one with the hat asked. "Not that I'm really interested in the woman, but Shinigmai need to be humiliated and learn they cannot defeat us."

"I said I'm first," Yammy said. "I'm always first."

The one with the hat sighed and then grinned. "If you have to, go ahead."

"I don't want to hang around watching you fight. I'll go play with the woman," said the one with the blue hair.

"Don't hurt her, much, Grimmjow. We want her alive and conscious," the one with the hat said laconically. "She's a woman. Shouldn't be much of a challenge and if you hurt her it might make this fool distracted and easier to defeat."

"Leave the woman alone. We had an agreement," Zaraki's voice was harsh and urgent. I could almost feel him resist the urge to turn around and look at me but he kept his face toward the Arrancar and stood even taller, as if trying to look even more imposing and threatening. I loved him for it but feared for him all the same. Not because of his fighting prowess but there was something different about these people. They had the air of being more competent than the one's I'd encountered in the human world and more threatening.

"No, actually we didn't," Starrk said. "However, there should be some honour among Arrancar."

"Do you think you're a shitting Shinigami now, mouthing on about honour? We don't care about stupid things like honour!" The blue haired Shinigami seemed outraged by the suggestion.

"Shinigami, Arrancar, whatever. What is the harm in showing a little consideration, Grimmjow?" Starrk replied.

"We are at war with the Shinigami," the one with the hat said. "War! Use any advantage you're given to defeat the enemy."

"That is your version of war, or conflict, Nnorita. Who can forget about the fortunate disappearance of Nelliel?" Starrk replied.

Nelliel? Ichigo had a child Hollow he called Nell. It seemed an odd coincidence but it must be only a coincidence. Stark's statement hinted at something dark in Nnorita's past and the apparent accuracy of Stark's comment momentarily wiped the smirk off his face.

"What are you implying, Starrk?"

"Me? I'm not implying anything. Just making a casual observation how a fortunate disappearance made you one of the 10," Starrk's tone was cool.

Grimmjow seemed to become even more furious. "You're one of the 10 too. Don't forget how we all got here and it wasn't down to popularity polls or buying votes. We killed and absorbed other Hollows to get their powers. You're as bad as the rest of us, Starrk. Don't try to pretend otherwise."

"Look, interesting as all this is, you said you'd fight me for the woman which indicates if I lose you get her. If I win, you back off. Don't want to argue semantics but I sure as hell don't want to hear your complete history either. I have better ways of killing time."

"I'll give you 10 minutes," Grimmjow said. "10 minutes should indicate if you are going to win or lose."

"Shut up, all you. Yammy wants to fight and fight now."

I expected him to move slowly because of his size but instead he moved quickly to stand in front of Zaraki and I thought I heard him mutter 'suerte' as he did so.

"Draw your blade," Zaraki said.

"Don't need to. Fists talk better than blades," Yammy said.

For a second I saw Zaraki hesitate. Was he going to stand there and trade blows with the man using his fists, or would he use his zanpakuto. "Interesting," he said. "Can't you use your zanpakuto."

"Course I can. Don't need it to fight you," I heard a slight edge of anger in his voice. "You'll be easy, just like the rest of the trash."

"You sure about that?" Zaraki said. I noticed his stance had changed and he was prepared, waiting for an attack. From one conversation we'd had after prolonged and very enjoyable sex, I knew he believed an opponent displayed their biggest weaknesses in their initial attack as if the first attack was successful no others were needed. It was an interesting theory and one I was interested in seeing.

"Why aren't you attacking me?" Yammy seemed bewildered.

Zaraki said nothing.

Yammy crossed his arms and glowered. "You make me angry. Fight me."

In answer, Zaraki shrugged but otherwise didn't move.

Yammy swung a fist at Zaraki but pulled it up short. Zaraki didn't even flinch.

"You like being hit?" Yammy demanded.

Again Zaraki said nothing. Another fist was swung and this time Zaraki wasn't there when it arrived. I was shocked at the speed of both the fist and Zaraki's movement. When had he learned to shunpo?

"Cheat," Yammy said and swung at him again. Again Zaraki moved before the punch connected. "Stay still," Yammy said his anger more visible.

"Why?"

"So we can fight," Yammy said swinging another punch. This time it connected, but not as Yammy hoped and the fist fell to the ground, cut off by Zaraki.

"I remember someone telling me a big thug had his arm cut off by Kurosaki. Was that you? Thought you'd learn from your mistakes," Zaraki said simply.

"It's only a hand. That piece of trash cut off my arm when I wasn't looking," Yammy said loudly. "Someone will fix it when you're dead."

"You killed the last person who helped you. Why would anyone help you now?" Starrk said coolly.

"Shut up, trash. I am Yammy. Someone will fix it. Why is everyone so useless?" Yammy didn't even look at Starrk as he spoke a frown crinkling his forehead as he glared at my husband.

I sidled a little further away from the fighting, trying to do so without anyone noticing. Then I noticed Grimmjow watching me and I stopped still.

Yammy approached Zaraki swinging punches with one arm and using the bloody stump of the other to try and harm him. I wasn't sure that was an idea that would help as the pain would be intense and not effective, but Zaraki quickly solved the problem by removing the injured arm at the shoulder. "There, happy now? I've achieved the same result as the other piece of trash," Zaraki said.

Grimmjow laughed and Yammy immediately turned to him and punched him with his remaining fist. The force of the punch pushed the Arrancar through the partition behind him which collapsed leaving large chunks of rubble but Grimmjow did not fall even though the debris produced was considerable and kept travelling backward. I was pleased not to be near the area and gratified to have that particular Arrancar removed from the fight, for a moment. I remembered him to be strong and vicious, but all most of the Arrancar I'd met shared the same characteristics.

"Good. More room to fight," Yammy said with some small satisfaction. "This place is too small for a proper fight." He punched a few more walls and watched with approval as they too collapsed and he waved his arms, continuing his destruction until he was sure he would meet no further restrictions on his movement in the immediate area. "Better. Now don't have to worry about taking small swings."

Zaraki had moved out of the way of the falling debris and while Yammy was occupied. Grimmjow staggered back into the area. "You made a mistake Yammy," Grimmjow said looking dizzy and disorientated.

"Everyone always criticizes Yammy and Yammy is sick of it. Shut your mouth, Grimmjow. You are stupid trash and I want to fight this stupid Shinigami."

Grimmjow shook his head as if he were trying to clear it. I wondered why he told Yammy he was making a mistake. I knew he was but was Grimmjow aware of Zaraki's strength, or was there something more? Was he was warning Yammy?

If he wasn't warning Yammy about my husband, what was he saying? Looking past him I could see he had been issuing a warning. The destruction of all the partitions made it easier to see some of our scouting party were on their way. Some but not all. Yachiru seemed to be running ahead of the group leading Ichigo, Captain Kuchiki, Renji, Rukia and Arai. The girl looked determined and turned to the others, appearing to urge them to hurry up. Suddenly our situation didn't seem so bad.

"You have made a mistake," Zaraki said. "You should listen to your friend."

The look of disgust on both Grimmjow and Yammy's face made it very clear they were insulted by Zaraki's comment. "He's no fucking friend of mine. I have some fucking taste," Grimmjow exclaimed.

"You insult Yammy!"

"Yeah, but you should be used to it," Zaraki said. "Anyone who constantly refers to themself in the third person deserves insults. No, they demand insults. What's wrong with saying 'I'?"

"Only people of low intelligence with matching fighting skills use the third person," another voice added as Captain Kuchiki came to stand beside Zaraki. "I see you retrieved you wife again. You really should keep her under control and prevent her from wandering off to sightsee."

"Don't tell me how to treat my wife, Kuchuki. I don't give you advice about your love life," Zaraki responded.

I noticed the 6th Division Captain flush uncomfortably in response to the remark and for a moment wondered why. Then I remembered the gossip and unfortunate future alliance proposed between the Captain and Isane's sister.

I was preparing to say something when Yachiru ran up and hugged Zaraki and then came over to me and the moment passed. "Who is the guy who looks so sad and who is the little girl with him? Can I play with her?"

It seemed Yachiru was once again playing her part of appearing younger than she was and I looked at Starrk. He studied Yachiru with interest and she stared at him in return.

"Her name is Lillynette and..."

"i am not a little girl. You're a little girl," said a young female I hadn't noticed before.

"I'm not a little girl. I'm a Shinigami lieutenant," Yachiru said, standing straight, the pink in her cheeks brighter than normal."

"Yeah? And I'm an Arrancar!"

"You can't be. You're just a kid," Yachiru asserted.

Lillynette seemed disposed to argue with her and it only seemed reasonable. Doubting Starrk would hurt her, as it seemed pretty clear to me she was very capable of taking care of herself, I turned my attention back to the rest.

Ichigo and Grimmjow were glaring at each other and it appeared there was little chance of a reconciliation between them, not that this was a surprise. "You didn't defeat me last time, Kurosaki," I heard Grimmjow state. "I let you win."

"You let me cut off your arm? What would have happened if you hadn't let me win?" Ichigo answered furiously. Once again it seemed these two were preparing to try to prove who was stronger. After my fear of having to fight it seemed there were more than enough to prevent me from lifting a blade. In a way it was a disappointment but one I was prepared to accept.

I walked over to a place where it would be best to observe my husband baiting the large Arrancar who appeared to be becoming increasingly furious the more Captain Kuchiki and Zaraki talked about him. For a moment I wondered if angering him was a good idea but my attention was drawn by something else.

To my dismay I heard further footsteps approaching and more Arrancar appeared. How was this happening? Why was this happening? Then my breath caught in my throat. Orihime was with the new arrivals. She looked different to the last time I'd seen her and so very sad. The clothing was different to what she had been wearing before but that wasn't the biggest change. Trying to work out what it was the only thing that seemed to be possible was the loss of innocence and self esteem. Spending time in a hostile environment amidst those who were indifferent to her feelings or needs had altered her. Instead of running toward Ichigo, as I imagined she would, she kept her eyes fixed to the floor, her hands folded into each other in front of her. There were some marks of bruising visible on her face and neck and the green-eyed Arrancar with her stood close in a manner which made it difficult to determine if he were protecting or warning her. I found it hard to judge their relationship. Orihime seemed both fearful but reluctant to be any distance from him. Had he scared her so much that she was experiencing the dilemma of confusing fear with attraction? Or had he extracted some promise from her that she would not approach Ichigo. From the brief flicker of her eyelashes it seemed evident she was trying to look at Ichigo without being observed.

"Why are you here?" the green eyed Arrancar asked, ignoring the girl at his side.

"To rescue Orihime," Ichigo said finally tearing his fierce gaze from Grimmjow and seeing Orihime. His face went white and he almost started forward but was restrained by Rukia and Arai. "Orihime?" he asked.

Her eyes remained focused on the ground in front of her and she showed no sign of hearing him.

"The girl is one of us," the green eyed Arrancar proclaimed. "She has sworn an oath to Aizen."

"Not willingly, I'm sure," I said loudly, trying to get Orihime to provide some reaction.

"Oh, the other hostage who was 'rescued'. Why don't you remain quiet like the girl here? She knows her place."

"Cut the crap Uliquorra. Why are you here? We were going to have a nice little fight and you come along bringing the girl. Aside from healing people, what use is she?" Grimmjow didn't seem pleased with the incursion of further people.

"Aizen sama has instructed me to offer a trade. He wants the woman and is prepared to trade the girl for her?"

I felt my mouth fall open. Gin had told me Aizen wanted me for breeding purposes but to be so frank about wishing to have me in his possession seemed foolish or meant to aggravate.

I saw a blur approaching which quickly turned into the form of my husband. "Forget it. We take the girl back, keep my wife and kill you. Any problems with that?"

"Your overconfidence will be your undoing. Most Shinigami boast of their abilities only to prove that their actions are so much less than their words. I will not explain how your aptitude is less than mine. Instead I will prove it beyond all doubt," Uliquorra said as he slowly unsheathed his blade.

"He's mine, trash. Stop getting involved in my fights," Yammy was there also.

"Plenty of me to go 'round," Zaraki said. "Wait your turn and when I'm finished with the big moron we can have fun cutting each other to pieces," he offered.

"Are you refusing Aizen sama's offer?"

Zaraki laughed. "It's not an offer. It's an insult."

"We outnumber you," Ulquiorra stated and looking around it was clear to see he was correct. There were at least two to one and as their strengths were unknown we were possibly facing a difficult fight.

"Only in bodies. Yeah, I like being outnumbered. Gives me lots of choice in who to kill and who I let live." My husband continued to grin widely.

"Not if we all attack at once," the Arrancar with the big hat said.

"Hey, that's not fair, Nnorita. I want to kill Kurosaki by myself to repay the insult. I'll cut off both his arms, then his legs and then his head," Grimmjow said firmly.

"Yammy wants to mince the one with the eye-patch. Minced trash is more fun for Yammy."

"Great," I murmured under my breath. "Next they'll be allocating turns and creating a scoreboard."

It seemed spending time alone with Zaraki wasn't happening anytime soon. I wanted to go home.

* * *

A.N.

In case it isn't clear, the Arrancar/Fraccion Zaraki and Matsumoto encounter are: Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, Coyote Starrk, Nnoitra Gilga, Tesra Lindocruz (who remains quiet for most of the chapter for some reason) and Yammy.

Delays happen too often. Explanations waste time and are depressing.

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


End file.
